Girl I've been seeing for a couple months messaged me first. It happens.
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Okcupid is not that bad. I already got a date!
- Thread starter AlimNassor
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Girl I've been seeing for a couple months messaged me first. It happens.
Rough guess Id say somewhere around 100. I usually get about 3-4 per week, on average.
Mostly women I'm not interested in, of course. But still, plenty of cool and attractive women as well.
I think I get about 2-3 messages a month from women on OKC (less on other sites). Mostly women I wouldn't be interested in (outside of friendship/penpals), but a couple of good ones. My ex messaged me first. 1-2 other girls messaged me first, and we had some good conversations (didn't go anywhere...one girl lived in Europe anyway, so wasn't happening).
On my end, I try to send out 10-20 messages a week, and yeah, I'm lucky if I get even one response out of that (all messages following "good guidelines"). Lots of luck involved. I know one girl didn't respond to my initial message (because she was getting hundreds of messages a day), but I sent her another one a few weeks later, and we seemed to have some good conversations after that (of course, she then moved back to another country, so never got to meet up with her or anything).
I've been tempted to slow down/stop with the messaging, and just see how things go if I just let women message me. I spend a lot of time on those messages, but they rarely seem to work out.
On my end, I try to send out 10-20 messages a week, and yeah, I'm lucky if I get even one response out of that (all messages following "good guidelines"). Lots of luck involved. I know one girl didn't respond to my initial message (because she was getting hundreds of messages a day), but I sent her another one a few weeks later, and we seemed to have some good conversations after that (of course, she then moved back to another country, so never got to meet up with her or anything).
I've been tempted to slow down/stop with the messaging, and just see how things go if I just let women message me. I spend a lot of time on those messages, but they rarely seem to work out.
Spider from Mars
tap that thorax
Making fun of things in their profiles usually gets me a response. I send about 4 messages a week because I am picky and can get at least 2 or 3 of them to respond. Being a playful dick has worked for me.
What...the...hell. Do you live in a really big city or something, or are you really good looking?
Confused101
Member
What the fuck? You must be a very good looking dude. I've been on the site since January and I've only gotten 3 messages from girls who were obviously desperate. I'm an ugly bastard so it kind of makes sense, but 3 to 4 per week? Do you model for Abercrombie & Fitch?
Share your secrets with the boys!! I've had like 16 in a year and I thought that was good :/
Liu Kang Baking A Pie
Member
I'd get 1 about every other day. My last few long term girlfriends messaged me first.
Just have a great profile. "Be actually funny" works.
Just have a great profile. "Be actually funny" works.
Since I made a new account back in June of this year, about 4 including one spam message. 2 were hey *smiley face* /hi, and one was a well thought out message but all from African American chicks which I have zero interest in going out with. I ignored one of them, played along with the hi message by responding but then I lost complete interest after her last reply didn't end in a message; she deactivated her account a few days later. The well thought out message I got was last night but I deleted it when I saw it today.
I also get 4-5 star emails from chicks every now and then.
I've sent out dozens of messages a week but maybe I'm hitting up the wrong ethnicity of women since I've only messaged white women (I'm Hispanic) and have gotten zero replies back but I still persist. I'm also a pretty good looking guy. Maybe I need to cast a wider net and hit up Hispanics and Asians chicks again. But I should note that this isn't my main way meeting women since I'm still in college.
I think at the end of the day, no matter how funny your profile is or how well written it is, it's pictures that matter because that's the only thing that people care about. My brother only has one black and white medium close up shot (has a dreamy look in his eyes) with only his About Me and What I've Been Doing With My Life section filled out. He gets about 2-4 messages a week because it isn't his bare bones profile that makes women hit him up, it's the fact his 3 year old picture looks good to many women's eyes (he still looks the same today).
FelixOrion
Poet Centuriate
Welp, I'm back for a little bit. Just gonna look around but probably won't stick around.
Q
Queen of Hunting
Unconfirmed Member
i have had very good luck with badoo dunno if anyone else uses it here
I may be pretty lucky in that I'm an alright looking guy, in good shape, with an advanced degree, and my profile covers a sort of broad range of interests, but I've gotten about a 1:1 ratio of sent to received messages and I have only been on the site for 2 weeks. I say "about" because I've already deleted some of the threads/messages from girls I've received from (and I don't see any place to access a "trash" folder for messages).
But looking at my outbound messages box, I have 8 messages I have sent to girls. I currently have conversations going with 3 girls who messaged me first, and I remember off the top of my head that I have deleted conversations/messages from at least 4 girls who also messaged me first. I also have two of those "It's a match!" messages sitting in my inbox for girls I'd eventually like to message (I've also deleted a couple of those messages after getting a chance to check out the profiles of my "matchee").
I will say that I have been pretty restrained and targeted with which girls/how many girls I have messaged so far though. There are actually quite a few more girls I'd like to send messages to, but I know I'd have a tough time juggling a lot of conversations/prospective dates if by off chance they all ended up messaging me back at once.
This annoys me to no end when it happens, especially when it is a cute girl who actually has an interesting profile. If she can't say something interesting at first impression, or at least be able to carry a decent back-and-forth conversation without me asking all the questions, then I just delete the message/thread because I assume conversating with them on a date will be a mediocre experience.
Care to show yours? Just curious what your profile looks like.
Holy bejeesus. Post your profiles. You guys sound like you could be male models.
Badoo was the site that's given me my most successful date so far. I totally lucked out cause the chick I was chatting with only had a head shot, which was nice enough, but for all I knew she could have been a manatee. Thankfully when we met, she turned out to be a total babe (easily the hottest chick I've gone out with so far).
I'm definitely no male model. And even if I was, my pictures are so bad it probably wouldn't really make a big difference. I really need to work on getting some better ones...
I think seeing some of these other profiles would be more beneficial, but if anyone cares, here's my profile:
http://www.okcupid.com/profile/robertphi222/
My profile is REALLY long (which I don't generally recommend people doing), but I've had more success with something long like that than something a bit shorter and to the point. I think some girls like some of the random things I put in there (gotten several messages about it being the funniest profile they've read, inquiries about porcupine mating rituals, etc.).
I should note that I try to answer a lot of questions or update my profile often so that more girls see my profile. It might be more that than anything else. When I quit doing that, I think the messages quit coming.
Open to suggestions since I'm pretty sure I have some flaws in there (or else maybe I'd have slightly better response rates).
edit: BTW, I hover around 20 visitors a week as well...if that means anything.
I think seeing some of these other profiles would be more beneficial, but if anyone cares, here's my profile:
http://www.okcupid.com/profile/robertphi222/
My profile is REALLY long (which I don't generally recommend people doing), but I've had more success with something long like that than something a bit shorter and to the point. I think some girls like some of the random things I put in there (gotten several messages about it being the funniest profile they've read, inquiries about porcupine mating rituals, etc.).
I should note that I try to answer a lot of questions or update my profile often so that more girls see my profile. It might be more that than anything else. When I quit doing that, I think the messages quit coming.
Open to suggestions since I'm pretty sure I have some flaws in there (or else maybe I'd have slightly better response rates).
edit: BTW, I hover around 20 visitors a week as well...if that means anything.
I would message you because of your Homestar reference. Trogdor!
Like a month back, I started to get so many high ratings from women. It came out of nowhere. I went on OKC, and I saw another four star rating popup. It's bloody crazy.
Signed up for this again, feel like I've been having more success than before. Hoping to schedule something with a cute girl soon
Probably been getting about one response for every 5 or 6 messages that I send, which is a little frustrating since I'm not the attrition type, but is it normal to get people that respond to questions without really showing any interest in me or my profile? After about an exchange or two I normally stop responding if they seem uninterested in asking me anything...
Probably been getting about one response for every 5 or 6 messages that I send, which is a little frustrating since I'm not the attrition type, but is it normal to get people that respond to questions without really showing any interest in me or my profile? After about an exchange or two I normally stop responding if they seem uninterested in asking me anything...
Liu Kang Baking A Pie
Member
Very normal, and very frustrating. Even people who are interested will do that. Just push through if you feel you can, but I think some people are just fucking bad at flirting.
Questions aren't really necessary for a conversation to flow naturally, but yeah, if I'm typing 5 sentences and the girl is sending me back 5 words, I usually quit.
I'll echo the above two posters.
You don't necessarily need questions to make a conversation flow. Think about when you talk with friends, you probably both make a series of interrelated statements with some questions thrown in on occasion. But like Jimothy said, if I'm writing 5 sentences and she keeps writing back with 1 sentence without doing something like asking me a question or picking up one of the topics in my message and running with it, I just lose interest. My thought process ends up being: either she isn't really that interested in me, or if we do meet for a date, I'm probably going to lose interest fast if she converses in real life anything similar to her messages.
Lucian Cat
Kissed a mod for a tag; liked it
So I ended up spending the whole weekend with this guy. We went to the beach Saturday, got fish and chips and beer for dinner. Snuggled for movies/TV all night. He then cooked me brekkie this morning then we went strawberry picking at a farm nearby. He's currently napping in my arms. He's such a sweetie. I was hesitant to reactivate my profile but I'm really liking this guy so thanks okc for matching us.
forknknife
Banned
Nah, it's quite boring and tedious. For every tit you get to see you see 1000 dog pictures
lol, I meant perks like more visibility, being able to see more attractive people, more options... Anything?
forknknife
Banned
Nope, nothing at all
Haha, yeah that's part of my plan by throwing out random things like that. Though sadly, I've not gotten too many messages about Trogdor.
BTW, I went ahead and tried to give high ratings to all of you who viewed my profile. Might help out with the OKC algorithms.
Fuck. Why are my dates never this good
FelixOrion
Poet Centuriate
Maybe two or three. They've never gone anywhere.
Not a chick, but I really liked your profile, and you seem like a pretty good looking guy, so I guess it's understandable you get those messages.
AlphaTwo00
Member
And dongs.
Moderation is basically: "person is not dog", "person is not car", "person is not scenery", "person is not the season ticket pass".
Thanks. I'm not sure who is who (except for the obvious ones), but all the profiles (and pics) from the people who visited me look pretty good too for the most part (some of you need pictures and probably need to flesh out your profiles some, but I think you probably know that). At least that's what the opinion of some dude is...which may or may not be as worthy as a female's opinion, but take it for what it's worth.
On a side-note, has anyone ever gotten ANYTHING out of Zoosk? I signed up for it a few months ago, along with another half-dozen or so websites. It has got to be by far the worst one I've used. More of a money scam than the other sites I think ("Congrats, you both like each other! Give us money to see her profile!"), yet somehow they have way more spammers/scammers than the others . I've not had a single conversation from someone on there that wasn't some kind of bot/spammer. Really thinking about canceling my account there. Tinder is almost as bad in that aspect, but at least it's free.
I'll give OKC some credit. They seem pretty good about stomping out those kind of profiles. I've seen some here and there, but seems much more rare than the others. POF seems to have a ton, but besides the somewhat frequent "sexyLipz6969 wants to meet you!" messages, they seem to remove them quickly before much damage is done (though my self-confidence can take a hit sometimes when I learn that it was just a bot that wanted to meet me
).
Thinking about focusing primarily on OKC with some side-focus on POF and Tinder. Any other good sites I'm leaving out? Maybe more fit for the Dating-Age site, but I sometimes treat this as the "Online Dating Site" thread rather than something OKC specific.
On a side-note, has anyone ever gotten ANYTHING out of Zoosk? I signed up for it a few months ago, along with another half-dozen or so websites. It has got to be by far the worst one I've used. More of a money scam than the other sites I think ("Congrats, you both like each other! Give us money to see her profile!"), yet somehow they have way more spammers/scammers than the others . I've not had a single conversation from someone on there that wasn't some kind of bot/spammer. Really thinking about canceling my account there. Tinder is almost as bad in that aspect, but at least it's free.
I'll give OKC some credit. They seem pretty good about stomping out those kind of profiles. I've seen some here and there, but seems much more rare than the others. POF seems to have a ton, but besides the somewhat frequent "sexyLipz6969 wants to meet you!" messages, they seem to remove them quickly before much damage is done (though my self-confidence can take a hit sometimes when I learn that it was just a bot that wanted to meet me
). Thinking about focusing primarily on OKC with some side-focus on POF and Tinder. Any other good sites I'm leaving out? Maybe more fit for the Dating-Age site, but I sometimes treat this as the "Online Dating Site" thread rather than something OKC specific.
Lucian Cat
Kissed a mod for a tag; liked it
I am completely surprised I met someone so quick. I read a lot of the stories in here and expected to deal with douchebags or horrible people after everyone's experiences. I must be one of the lucky ones...
DiscoJer
Member
It means a billion dollar company (the people who own OKCupid) doesn't have to hire as many employees to do the modding on the site. They're probably saving 2-3 salaries (and since they are based on NYC, probably a hundred grand)
But perks for the people doing the modding? Hahahahahahahahahaha.
AlphaTwo00
Member
I just consider it as a window to seeing terrible people put up terrible crap, it's sometimes mildly entertaining.
BattleMedic
Member
Got a date tonight, third time lucky!
donkey show
Member
Been exactly 6 months since my girl and I met up from okc and still going way strong.
Anyone want to critique my profile? Haven't been having much luck lately. http://www.okcupid.com/profile/Avyre
Most of my messages are similar to this depending on her interests: "Hey, my name's Ian! So what kind of music are you into? Seen any good concerts lately? Been a while for me but I'm thinking of seeing Charli XCX later this month."
Most of my messages are similar to this depending on her interests: "Hey, my name's Ian! So what kind of music are you into? Seen any good concerts lately? Been a while for me but I'm thinking of seeing Charli XCX later this month.
"I just skimmed over it, but I thought it seemed pretty good. Much better than a lot of the female profiles I look at anyway. Could maybe tweak a few small things, but doubt it would matter much. The only thing I can ever think of is making sure to remove/rewrite anything that might be taken as a "dealbreaker" to someone (even though that might be less "honest"). Not a great example (and I can't think of many women who would use this as a dealbreaker), but maybe don't say "I haven't read much since college." I'm the same way, but I wondered that if I phrased it that way, it might be seen more as a negative somehow. Instead, I'd rather just list what I have read, or just skip that section of the profile (you don't HAVE to answer everything, especially if it won't really "sell" you well). That's kind of nitpicking (I wouldn't necessarily change it), but maybe something you can play around with. Try a few different things on your profile, and maybe see if one is better than the other. Remember, just by updating your profile, you'll get more visitors due to the activity.Anyone want to critique my profile? Haven't been having much luck lately. http://www.okcupid.com/profile/Avyre
Most of my messages are similar to this depending on her interests: "Hey, my name's Ian! So what kind of music are you into? Seen any good concerts lately? Been a while for me but I'm thinking of seeing Charli XCX later this month.
The message seems fine, but I might try something more unique. Women probably get a ton of messages like that (not as many as "hey" or "wanna get it on?", but probably still a lot). Can still ask things like that, but you'll also want to stand out somehow if possible.
Of course, even if you do it all "right," you might not get a response, but things like that might help a little bit (at least get them to check out your profile).
forknknife
Banned
Anyone want to critique my profile? Haven't been having much luck lately. http://www.okcupid.com/profile/Avyre
Most of my messages are similar to this depending on her interests: "Hey, my name's Ian! So what kind of music are you into? Seen any good concerts lately? Been a while for me but I'm thinking of seeing Charli XCX later this month.
Well, you like James Blackshaw so I automatically think you are awesome and hope you get lots of pussy
Cool, thanks gents
I did get one girl to message me but she's not all that chatty, just a couple brief responses. So I think maybe this is someone I should ask out quickly? Usually the girls I ask out we've had a decent conversation before hand, in this case do I just say "You seem really cool, I'd love to get to know you in person! Do you wanna get coffee sometime?"
I did get one girl to message me but she's not all that chatty, just a couple brief responses. So I think maybe this is someone I should ask out quickly? Usually the girls I ask out we've had a decent conversation before hand, in this case do I just say "You seem really cool, I'd love to get to know you in person! Do you wanna get coffee sometime?"
peteykirch
Member
Uhh...what?
Unless she's being sarcastic.
Unless she's being sarcastic.
Liu Kang Baking A Pie
Member
You can be religious without being into the way the religion is currently run. She clarifies that in the Interests section afterward.
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