Support NeoGAF

[Confused101]

overwhelmed with options.

I've been thinking about that lately. Is it safe to assume that the great majority of the women on these sites get absolutely bombarded with messages? If that's the case then they basically get the pick of the litter.

Bleh, I'm just making up excuses. Sometimes it just feels like the forces that be are working against me in this regard.

 

[A Human Becoming]

Just noticed a woman I was interested in is seeing someone. Oh well, she seems fun so maybe we can be friends.

Already stopped responding after my third message. I probably went overboard on the advice she asked for, but I just wanted to help. She works at the pizza place next door to the coffee shop I visit every day. If I see her in there I'll give a courtesy greeting before leaving.

 

[Buckethead]

They got rid of the little status/hangout on iPhone?

Bad move, OKC. Bad move.

 

[Liu Kang Baking A Pie]

I've been thinking about that lately. Is it safe to assume that the great majority of the women on these sites get absolutely bombarded with messages? If that's the case then they basically get the pick of the litter.

Bleh, I'm just making up excuses. Sometimes it just feels like the forces that be are working against me in this regard.

Yep. All of my exes I've met from there say they had to go on the site everyday just to delete messages to keep their inbox from being full.

 

[Jimothy]

Yep. All of my exes I've met from there say they had to go on the site everyday just to delete messages to keep their inbox from being full.

I went on a date tonight and we drunkenly went through all the terrible messages in her inbox. We deleted some and laughed our asses off at others. fun times sorry dudes.

 

[kame-sennin]

I don't remember if I ever actually posted in this thread...maybe I did, maybe I just meant to and kept forgetting.

Anyways, although the discussion has moved way beyond the subject by now, I thought I'd just share my experiences. I guess just add it to the large pile of anecdotal evidence that okcupid can work.

Many years ago I signed up for okcupid and within a very short period of time, met someone to just have casual sex with. A few weeks later it happened again. Then I met a girl who I dated for several months. All of this within a short period of time. I shut my account off when I started a serious relationship with someone I didn't meet on okcupid. But opened it up again a few months ago and within a week had several date offers and one offer of no strings attached sex. I ended up closing the account again before I could do anything with those offers though. I had other priorities at the time.

So basically, it works. Give it a try. I didn't initiate a single contact the whole time, just let girls message me first, and I still got plenty of messages sent to me and had some real world successes. That said, my friend uses okcupid and aggressively sends multiple messages every week to at least a dozen different girls and ends up with far more interested parties than I do. So if you really want it to work, it's probably best not to be a lazy fuck like me who just relies on being decent looking to get interest.

You can't make a post like this without linking to your profile or at least copying the text.

 

[peteykirch]

Can't stand getting the X rated you highly notification, you message them, and never hear back.

One girl though responded, asked me a few a questions, I asked her the same and then some, and never heard back.

Guess she didn't like my answers

 

[forknknife]

Shit, I'm talking with the most perfect girl ever... she lives far away but wants to meet in person next month. I really hope I don't screw this up... If this works I think I'll stop looking to other women for the rest of my days, she is that good.

Spoiler

Probably I'll screw it up, as always

So... regarding this post from myself a few months ago... I actually did it and I'm currently with her! She's the most amazing girl I've laid eyes upon and, somehow, she loves me too! Problem right now is she lives far away but we are already working on that I'm finally happy! Like FOR REAL happy

I think I'll have to make a big donation to okc after this...

 

[hydrophilic attack]

So, I signed up for this site today. Does anyone want to give me some feedback on the profile questions? I really suck at this stuff.

*snip*

 

[Liu Kang Baking A Pie]

You've got the basics, but it's dull.

If you're really into Pratchett, try and include some good Pratchett-style wordplay into your profile. Be actually funny.

 

[stn]

SELF
I'm a tall, dark-haired European

I DO
Study law

GOOD AT
Striking an intelligent pose to make me look smart (refers to my pic)

FIRST THING NOTICE
My petite nose

FAVORITE FOOD
Ask!

SIX THINGS
Your undying affection. Just kidding.

I SPEND TIME THINKING
How do people fit into skinny jeans?

FRIDAY I AM
Suited up. Other days I go naked.

MOST PRIVATE
I'm a flirt

MESSAGE ME IF
You need a partner for salsa lessons

I get about 2-3 messages a day, usually all the same question: Where in Europe are you from? This suggests that girls look at my profile, take the first bit of info, and omit the rest. Basically, all the shit I put is irrelevant. There's a bit of humor, a bit of a suggestion that I party, and some sexual/playful tones which suggest I'm out there.

In my opinion, you're better off putting a bunch of crazy stuff than just answering all the questions bit by bit. Everyone does it and its boring.

 

[Triton55]

Edit: Nevermind I guess

 

[Jimothy]

Don't really feel comfortable linking my profile here but this is what my profile says right now. I've had pretty decent luck with it so far.

Self-summary:

I'm a recent NYC transplant from the Western U.S., specifically Montana. Yes, I had running water. No, I did not get to school by horse and wagon. I was raised to view the world skeptically and through my own lens. I have a deep passion for all things history, and would like to meet like-minded people to discuss it with. I'm a huge movie and TV buff, and I'm in the process of completing a degree in Media Production. I'm skeptical it will lead to any career prospects, but I would rather be poor and than work I job I loathe. Sometimes I'm optimistic to a fault. Other times I'm bitterly cynical. Most of the time I just try to be myself. Oh god, this is so cheesy.

What I'm doing with my life:

¯\_(&#12484_/¯

I'm really good at:

Relating with people through pop culture
Recognizing music in movie trailers
Walking fast
Writing papers the night before they're due
Having arguments with myself in the shower

First thing that people notice about me:

Lanky

Favorites:

A People's History of the United States, Johnny Got His Gun, 11/22/63, Fargo, LA Confidential, Breaking Bad, It's Always Sunny, Spongebob Squarepants, Wu Tang Clan, Portugal the Man, peanut butter.

I'm always on the lookout for good foreign films, so recommendations would be cool.

Six things:

Ice trays, opposable thumbs, Old Bay seasoning, my kindle, Central Park, a good pair of headphones

Spend time thinking about:

"What did I come to this room for?"
Mitch Hedberg jokes
90s cartoons
Marxism
Societal ills
The vastness of space
How weird white people are

Typical Friday night:

Watching a social political documentary and wishing I owned a cat.

Most private thing:

I have a morbid fascination with Nazi Germany.

Message me if:

You're on OKC out of curiosity more than anything. You hate small talk. You think Nicolas Cage is a great actor.

 

[Mystic Theurge]

A guy mentioned he liked exploring new restaurants. I'm going to be ballsy and ask where he would like to go for our first date in the opening message.

Can't stand getting the X rated you highly notification, you message them, and never hear back.

Yea, I hate this. Maybe they're just trying to fill the completion bar?

 

[hydrophilic attack]

OK, thanks for the advice guys! I'm not really a funny guy myself so I'm not sure if I can pull it off, but I'll think about it some more, and maybe read some Pratchett for inspiration.

Also, all photos I try to take of myself look like crap. I look alright in the mirror but terrible on the photo. Maybe I should get a real camera, or ask a friend to take some photos.

 

[Ethics Gradient]

I'm a dick. I didn't hear back from one woman I asked out for over a week. So I messaged her basically saying thanks for leaving me hanging - have a nice life. Because sometimes I'm an ass, and I just can't help myself. (for the record, I haven't done this before on okcupid)

She replied back saying she had a really rough week, and would have been open to meeting. But now she's not.

Really? I call bullshit. I know people travel, have stuff going on, are sick... you know -life. But there are those that will drop a note saying they want to reply, but don't have time and I want to be pursuing those people, not the ones that are flakey.

/rant

I know I'm in the wrong, but it feels good.

 

[Liu Kang Baking A Pie]

I'm a dick. I didn't hear back from one woman I asked out for over a week. So I messaged her basically saying thanks for leaving me hanging - have a nice life. Because sometimes I'm an ass, and I just can't help myself. (for the record, I haven't done this before on okcupid)

She replied back saying she had a really rough week, and would have been open to meeting. But now she's not.

Really? I call bullshit. I know people travel, have stuff going on, are sick... you know -life. But there are those that will drop a note saying they want to reply, but don't have time and I want to be pursuing those people, not the ones that are flakey.

/rant

I know I'm in the wrong, but it feels good.

Yeah, that's just sad on your part.

 

[Perspicacity]

I'm a dick. I didn't hear back from one woman I asked out for over a week. So I messaged her basically saying thanks for leaving me hanging - have a nice life. Because sometimes I'm an ass, and I just can't help myself. (for the record, I haven't done this before on okcupid)

She replied back saying she had a really rough week, and would have been open to meeting. But now she's not.

Really? I call bullshit. I know people travel, have stuff going on, are sick... you know -life. But there are those that will drop a note saying they want to reply, but don't have time and I want to be pursuing those people, not the ones that are flakey.

/rant

I know I'm in the wrong, but it feels good.

Well on the bright side, even if she would have met you this saves her the effort of figuring out later that you're an insecure passive aggressive dick.

 

[Ethics Gradient]

Well on the bright side, even if she would have met you this saves her the effort of figuring out later that you're an insecure passive aggressive dick.

Yeah I shouldn't have sent it. You on the other hand seem like a cool guy. Can we be friends?

 

[stn]

No point in ridiculing him since he at least knows he was a dick and has openly admitted it. Gradient - since you know all this just make sure you never do it again. And yes, she was obviously BS'ing you. Keep calm and move on.

 

[Perspicacity]

Yeah I shouldn't have sent it. You on the other hand seem like a cool guy. Can we be friends?

Totes. We should ride bikes.

 

[peteykirch]

This is so frustrating.

It's like no one is interested in me at all.

I think that my level of education puts off a bit of people my age.

I'm 25, and have a PhD. I'm messaging girls who are still working on their Bachelors.

 

[Ethics Gradient]

This is so frustrating.

It's like no one is interested in me at all.

I think that my level of education puts off a bit of people my age.

I'm 25, and have a PhD. I'm messaging girls who are still working on their Bachelors.

Why not take out the PhD bit in your profile? It can come later, if they ask about it or when you feel more comfortable.

 

[Kano on the Phone]

I'm a dick. I didn't hear back from one woman I asked out for over a week. So I messaged her basically saying thanks for leaving me hanging - have a nice life. Because sometimes I'm an ass, and I just can't help myself. (for the record, I haven't done this before on okcupid)

She replied back saying she had a really rough week, and would have been open to meeting. But now she's not.

Really? I call bullshit. I know people travel, have stuff going on, are sick... you know -life. But there are those that will drop a note saying they want to reply, but don't have time and I want to be pursuing those people, not the ones that are flakey.

/rant

I know I'm in the wrong, but it feels good.

Girl doesn't write you back, you don't know why, but it bothers you, so your reaction is to ruin her day by being mean to her?

I feel like maybe you should hold off on trying to meet someone and work on you for a while.

 

[Ethics Gradient]

Girl doesn't write you back, you don't know why, but it bothers you, so your reaction is to ruin her day by being mean to her?

I feel like maybe you should hold off on trying to meet someone and work on you for a while.

Hmm, I'm not sure you know what you're talking about. If anything, you're making some assumptions.

 

[Kano on the Phone]

Hmm, I'm not sure you know what you're talking about. If anything, you're making some assumptions.

What am I missing? You already admitted what you did was wrong, are you taking that back? Would you want to date someone who acted the way you did toward her?

 

[Jimothy]

I'm a dick. I didn't hear back from one woman I asked out for over a week. So I messaged her basically saying thanks for leaving me hanging - have a nice life. Because sometimes I'm an ass, and I just can't help myself. (for the record, I haven't done this before on okcupid)

She replied back saying she had a really rough week, and would have been open to meeting. But now she's not.

Really? I call bullshit. I know people travel, have stuff going on, are sick... you know -life. But there are those that will drop a note saying they want to reply, but don't have time and I want to be pursuing those people, not the ones that are flakey.

/rant

I know I'm in the wrong, but it feels good.

This sort of thing has happened to me several times. I ask a girl out in a message, she responds that she wants to but is busy for the rest of the week. I usually never hear from them again. People on dating sites are often bad at rejection so they use being busy as a way to let you down easy without blatantly rejecting you. I've done this with a couple of girls in my time so it's definitely not unique to a particular sex. In the future don't expect a date from a girl until you've gotten her number and confirmed a place to meet. Any time before that you're at the mercy of flakiness and her losing interest.

 

[freshair]

I'm a dick. I didn't hear back from one woman I asked out for over a week. So I messaged her basically saying thanks for leaving me hanging - have a nice life. Because sometimes I'm an ass, and I just can't help myself. (for the record, I haven't done this before on okcupid)

She replied back saying she had a really rough week, and would have been open to meeting. But now she's not.

Really? I call bullshit. I know people travel, have stuff going on, are sick... you know -life. But there are those that will drop a note saying they want to reply, but don't have time and I want to be pursuing those people, not the ones that are flakey.

/rant

I know I'm in the wrong, but it feels good.

dat desperation / entitlement

 

[Ethics Gradient]

What am I missing? You already admitted what you did was wrong, are you taking that back? Would you want to date someone who acted the way you did toward her?

No, I'm not taking that back. But you assume it ruined her day. You don't know that. For all you know about her, she might not give a shit about the whole thing. I can almost guarantee, she never would have written me back had I not messaged her again.

 

[Ethics Gradient]

dat desperation / entitlement

Very good, sir.

 

[Perspicacity]

No, I'm not taking that back. But you assume it ruined her day. You don't know that. For all you know about her, she might not give a shit about the whole thing. I can almost guarantee, she never would have written me back had I not messaged her again.

Assuming that you were being mean in order to hurt her is a much smaller jump than assuming she wouldn't message back if you hadn't acted like a jerk.

 

[Kano on the Phone]

No, I'm not taking that back. But you assume it ruined her day. You don't know that. For all you know about her, she might not give a shit about the whole thing. I can almost guarantee, she never would have written me back had I not messaged her again.

Woosh. Yeah, I think you're really missing the point here. The issue is really that you're angry enough when some normal situation comes up to just say something shitty instead of just letting it go.

 

[Ethics Gradient]

Woosh. Yeah, I think you're really missing the point here. The issue is really that you're angry enough when some normal situation comes up to just say something shitty instead of just letting it go.

I'm not angry about it. I am impatient. And I've only done this once, compared to the dozens of messages left hanging out there with no response. Like I said, lots of assumptions. Yes, normally I do let it go.

 

[peteykirch]

Why not take out the PhD bit in your profile? It can come later, if they ask about it or when you feel more comfortable.

I did, but then I get asked about where I went to school, what I studied, what I'm doing with my life.

It comes out and they go quiet.

 

[Perspicacity]

What's your PhD in?

 

[peteykirch]

What's your PhD in?

http://gse.rutgers.edu/academic-pro...on-learning-cognition-instruction-development

Concentration in Learning, Cognition, Instruction & Development

 

[Necrovex]

I'm a dick. I didn't hear back from one woman I asked out for over a week. So I messaged her basically saying thanks for leaving me hanging - have a nice life. Because sometimes I'm an ass, and I just can't help myself. (for the record, I haven't done this before on okcupid)

She replied back saying she had a really rough week, and would have been open to meeting. But now she's not.

Really? I call bullshit. I know people travel, have stuff going on, are sick... you know -life. But there are those that will drop a note saying they want to reply, but don't have time and I want to be pursuing those people, not the ones that are flakey.

/rant

I know I'm in the wrong, but it feels good.

That's pretty bloody sad, mate. Who cares if she disappears? Why would you even send a message like that? The only reason is to attempt to hurt the other person. Hell, she could have been telling the truth. I have been swamped and disappear from OKC for a few weeks.

 

[Ethics Gradient]

That's pretty bloody sad, mate. Who cares if she disappears? Why would you even send a message like that? The only reason is to attempt to hurt the other person. Hell, she could have been telling the truth. I have been swamped and disappear from OKC for a few weeks.

I think you are being a little dramatic, but for the most part we are on the same page. She appreciates your defense of her best intentions.

 

[peteykirch]

Finally get a response, and all for naught

Her

Hey you seem pretty cool! Yeah redeads and that mini-boss in the bottom of the well dungeon still give me the creepers lol.

In the spirit of being mature and honest, you seem interesting and we do have a lot of overlapping interests, but I think you live a bit too far away for me. I don't have a car and it takes me 30-40 just to go 3-4 miles by bus. Besides that, I am currently kind of seeing someone and figuring out if that is going to become permanent anyway. I hope you understand and don't take it personally. I always hate to wonder why certain people never respond on these types of sites, so I just wanted to explain since you seem like a nice, decent dude.

Truly best wishes,
SS from the OkCupid app

Me

Nov 23, 2013 – 10:15am
Then maybe you should change your profile up?

It's sort of misleading, if you're seeing someone, but yet still on a dating website and your profile says you're looking for someone.

Sorry distance is that much of a deal breaker. I'm not one to complain about driving, but if that's a big deal, so be it.

Her

Nov 23, 2013 – 10:18am
We are still in that beginning unofficial stage, so technically I am still looking; hence, active profile. But thanks for wanting to clarify and help me avoid missteps.

Good luck to you!

So much for that 98% match >_<

The distance thing, she lives less than 10 miles from it. I just hate cop out excuses.

 

[Liu Kang Baking A Pie]

It's pretty normal to start seeing someone and still stick around on the site a bit. It's probably the most common reason people don't get responses.

 

[peteykirch]

It's pretty normal to start seeing someone and still stick around on the site a bit. It's probably the most common reason people don't get responses.

Then change your looking for section.

It's an easy solution and fix.

You can still talk to people, get to know them, and see where things go from there.

 

[stn]

@peteykirch

You're thinking about this the wrong way, man. Its obvious she's probably lying but she's lying because she's trying to avoid awkwardness. But dude, she was nice enough to actually reply in a mature manner and give you closure. At least she did that much. 99.99999999% of the stories I hear involve the other person either never replying or disappearing.

After she explained herself, whether bullshit or not, you should have just said "Thank you!" and moved on. Not lectured her on how to change her profile to avoid missteps in the future. Who cares about how she runs her date life, know what I mean? I sense a bit of irritation in your reply to her. And really, being able to suppress your negative emotions is the most powerful tool for dating.

 

[God Dayumm]

Well, I've been 2 weeks on okcupid and match.com without any success. Four girls sent me messages but it didn't go anywhere since they stopped replying. Guess I'll take it as it is.

 

[peteykirch]

You're thinking about this the wrong way, man. Its obvious she's probably lying but she's lying because she's trying to avoid awkwardness. But dude, she was nice enough to actually reply in a mature manner and give you closure. At least she did that much. 99.99999999% of the stories I hear involve the other person either never replying or disappearing.

After she explained herself, whether bullshit or not, you should have just said "Thank you!" and moved on. Not lectured her on how to change her profile to avoid missteps in the future. Who cares about how she runs her date life, know what I mean? I sense a bit of irritation in your reply to her. And really, being able to suppress your negative emotions is the most powerful tool for dating.

I'm sorry that I expect honesty out of people.

I'd rather be told no thanks, rather than being fed a lie like she did.

 

[electricshake]

Well, I've been 2 weeks on okcupid and match.com without any success. Four girls sent me messages but it didn't go anywhere since they stopped replying. Guess I'll take it as it is.

I've been on it on and off for 18 months. Two weeks is nothing. Did you ask any of them out? If not why not? Also you should be messaging girls all the time.

 

[stn]

I'm sorry that I expect honesty out of people.

I'd rather be told no thanks, rather than being fed a lie like she did.

Be prepared for lots of disappointment if this is how you feel. Like I said, it was nice of her, even if she lied, to actually try to provide closure. She was quite mature about it. What you should have done was kept your cool and moved on. The guys who succeed are the ones who have a plan B before they even get rejected by plan A. They don't dwell at all, they move forward.

How would you react if you went on a date and she just disappeared after? Or if she just ignored your message? With all due respect you're not being realistic. Yes, in an ideal world every girl would give closure and be honest. The dating world is not ideal.

 

[peteykirch]

Be prepared for lots of disappointment if this is how you feel. Like I said, it was nice of her, even if she lied, to actually try to provide closure. She was quite mature about it. What you should have done was kept your cool and moved on. The guys who succeed are the ones who have a plan B before they even get rejected by plan A. They don't dwell at all, they move forward.

How would you react if you went on a date and she just disappeared after? Or if she just ignored your message? With all due respect you're not being realistic. Yes, in an ideal world every girl would give closure and be honest. The dating world is not ideal.

I thought it was a mature response. I didn't resort to name calling. I took her word for fact and if it is she's doing a disservice to anyone who messages her.

I've had awful luck on Okc to say the least. I've been there for over 2 years, had a handful of dates, got stood up more often than not. Had one girl ditch me halfway through dinner.

The best I had was seeing this one girl for a few months until she broke it off the day before valentines day.

I message maybe 10-12 girls a day, if I'm lucky I get 1-2 responses a month.

 

[stn]

You should re-consider online dating then if you've had it that bad. Meeting people in person is always much more rewarding anyway, plus you'll be less likely to encounter people who are put off by the fact that you have a PhD, for example. Try mingling in your work group, school group, and so forth.

 

[peteykirch]

You should re-consider online dating then if you've had it that bad. Meeting people in person is always much more rewarding anyway, plus you'll be less likely to encounter people who are put off by the fact that you have a PhD, for example. Try mingling in your work group, school group, and so forth.

While at school I was the youngest in my field of concentration by 10 years. So that wasn't the best place for me to find people.

I tried eHarmony for two years and never had anyone respond to my communications, it got to the point where they refunded me my money and gave me a year sub for free. No luck there either.

 

[stn]

Tell me about yourself, then? Do you have many friends, what are your hobbies, how old are you, and so forth. What have you tried in terms of meeting people in real-life?