megamerican
Member
I'm sorry man. That's rough. Do you have any idea what could be turning them off?
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Okcupid is not that bad. I already got a date!
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I'm sorry man. That's rough. Do you have any idea what could be turning them off?
peteykirch
Member
I have no idea.
I send them a message that shows some semblance of thought and effort.
I try to make a joke, sometimes it works, most of the time it doesn't.
I've really cut back on the length of my messages, people told me don't send essays so I tried to fix that.
megamerican
Member
Yeah. You're just trying too hard. That's the easiest thing to fix. Sending simpler messages will work better and save you time / investment.
peteykirch
Member
It just goes against everything I read.
All these women put in their profiles they are tired of getting messages with nothing in them, and messages that show no one read their profile.
I can't help to write a lot. That's what I went to school for.
Liu Kang Baking A Pie
Member
That's all code for "write me something funny." They don't want "hey," and they don't want an essay. They just want a spot-on, witty observation they can use to create banter.
One girl said she had moved here when she was a toddler. I wrote to tell her that most transplants were children in most ways when they moved here, too. It worked. I'd say a lack of wit and self-awareness holds back dudes more than any of the superficial hangups I keep reading about.
One girl said she had moved here when she was a toddler. I wrote to tell her that most transplants were children in most ways when they moved here, too. It worked. I'd say a lack of wit and self-awareness holds back dudes more than any of the superficial hangups I keep reading about.
peteykirch
Member
Which I try to do and it fails miserably.
stn
Member
@peteykirch
Just because you see a bunch of girls say "send me witty messages" doesn't mean you should take it at face value. See, some of these phrases have hidden meanings:
Don't send me "hey" = I'm not easy, you need to work for me. Unless I like you.
No topless selfies = I love topless selfies
Its my first time online dating = I don't want to seem desperate (its also not my first time online dating).
Everyone will say the same thing. In my opinion, if a girl likes your picture she won't care if you just say "hey". Hell, 90% of the messages I get are hey, hey there, or you're cute. Its true that charm and wit can compensate in place of physical attraction, but its REALLY hard to charm someone over a computer screen.
If you want to attract women with your personality then get off online dating. Its not the best place for that AT ALL. The alternative is make sure you have a photo you're happy with and continue "fishing". Just make sure that you're not getting any negative energy from it.
Also, you need to try to improve your view of yourself. You mentioned you made it work once with a girl who was 5'9. That's proof that taller women can like you. All it really comes down to is that you might fail more than the next guy. But you must keep trying. And get off online dating, the lack of activity on there can only harm your confidence.
Your best bet would be to socialize with people around you.
Just because you see a bunch of girls say "send me witty messages" doesn't mean you should take it at face value. See, some of these phrases have hidden meanings:
Don't send me "hey" = I'm not easy, you need to work for me. Unless I like you.
No topless selfies = I love topless selfies
Its my first time online dating = I don't want to seem desperate (its also not my first time online dating).
Everyone will say the same thing. In my opinion, if a girl likes your picture she won't care if you just say "hey". Hell, 90% of the messages I get are hey, hey there, or you're cute. Its true that charm and wit can compensate in place of physical attraction, but its REALLY hard to charm someone over a computer screen.
If you want to attract women with your personality then get off online dating. Its not the best place for that AT ALL. The alternative is make sure you have a photo you're happy with and continue "fishing". Just make sure that you're not getting any negative energy from it.
Also, you need to try to improve your view of yourself. You mentioned you made it work once with a girl who was 5'9. That's proof that taller women can like you. All it really comes down to is that you might fail more than the next guy. But you must keep trying. And get off online dating, the lack of activity on there can only harm your confidence.
Your best bet would be to socialize with people around you.
peteykirch
Member
I have noticed every girl who puts "tired and fed up with guys who plays games" = they are the manipulators who love playing mind games and messing with me.
The girl who I hit it off with who was 5'9 was more or less dumb luck. I met her my first day of college, we were paired up in our communications class. Some how I made her laugh, she really enjoyed talking to me, and she ended up pursuing me. We stayed together through most of college until she moved out west to pursue a career in modeling. We're still friendly, how I just miss those days.
I realize a picture goes a long way, and face the facts. if you're a statuesque model you can send girls a message that makes no sense, and they'll be lining up to talk to you.
When you're average to below average, you got to stack the deck, and try your hardest.
Online dating never has worked for me.
I signed up for match and eHarmony. I did nearly 2 years on eHarmony and had no one respond to any request for communication. They ended up refunding my money, and they told me that I shouldn't have signed up because it was meant for older clientele i.e 29+. I signed up when I was 22. If they don't intend on you signing up at that age, they shouldn't take your money. They were actually flabbergasted to see the lack of success I had. I saved every message I sent out, and they went through and saw hundreds and hundreds of messages with no reply.
stn
Member
If you know all this then why continue hurting yourself? Also, don't be so quick to call your accomplishment with that girl "dumb luck". You made it work by seducing her with your personality. So, my point is you want to continue that. Can't say I've seduced any models recently (tried and failed with one recently, lol). Online dating should merely be a secondary option for you. It should be the type of thing where you forget you even have a profile.
Know what I mean?
Know what I mean?
peteykirch
Member
It was dumb luck as far as I'm concerned.
I lucked into finding someone who had a legit open mind, and wasn't judgmental.
Sadly for me online dating is my primary option.
I don't do drink, so that bar scene/club scene just doesn't work for me. I've tried, it failed miserably.
Going through Grad School I never had time for anything outside of classes/work. Couple that with the fact I was the youngest in my concentration by 10 years it didn't help.
I'm the type of guy, that girls tell me they want when they are 30. But those girls don't want me because of my inexperience in terms of relationships. It's a double edged sword.
megamerican
Member
Don't get too down on yourself man. The fact that you had a relatively long term relationship is a lot more than some can say.
I also agree that I think your chances will improve going forward as more women are going to value stability.
The fact is you're capable of attracting women as you've done it before. Your approach to online dating is not working, change it up. I have not seen your messages on OkCupid, but a lot of your posts on here come off as defeatist and somewhat bitter. Trust me when I say that these are not attractive traits.
I had a supervisor who was shorter than you, was not as good looking, and had a very attractive wife. He had charisma and he was positive. I know saying shit like that sounds patronizing and like kicking you when you're down. But it's totally true.
God Dayumm
Banned
I'm taller than average, but this has to suck for average or shorter guys. One girl's profile explicitly stated she doesn't date guys under 6 feet because she can be over 6 feet when wearing heels. Way to preclude ~75% of males on okc from dating you in one sentence.
jamesinclair
Banned
The best part is that theyre all hypocrites
"Im not one to judge and you shouldnt be either. The inside is what most matters. Beauty is only skin deep
....
If you're under 6'6 dont even bother messaging me"
Liu Kang Baking A Pie
Member
I wouldn't count height preference among superficial beauty attributes, though. This is more of a societal/cultural thing.
And I think people get too worried about it.
https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?...720.1073741828.722119747801769&type=1&theater
"We first met in second grade. We were in the same class. My first memory of him is of playing with these little blocks together in class with another friend of ours."
"Yeah thats probably my first memory of us, too."
"We're on our way to volunteer at that same elementary school now."
peteykirch
Member
Well let's see this one girl actually responded to my message a couple days ago, and then she messaged me last night giving me her number.
This is what I sent her first;
She talked about how she loves making pancakes, and having lazy dates in, snuggled up on the couch watching random movies off of Netflix and what not. She's an artist, and appears to be a very creative person.
She responded, we messaged back and forth for a while, I pretty much went for broke and straight up asked her, where is this going? Are we just going to type back and forth because I figured the distance was too much for her. She's in Brooklyn, I'm in Central NJ I woke up this morning to, two very sweet messages where she gave me her number and what not.
Liu Kang Baking A Pie
Member
Aw yes.
megamerican
Member
Congrats man!
megamerican
Member
So I have a first date tomorrow and she wants to come over and cook something. This is the second time I've had this offered from women on these sites. Is this a common thing? Cooking together on a first date?
It's kind of awkward as my place is a shithole and I don't cook or have any food you could cook something with. I'm hesitant to try and change it up as I think it offended the previous girl who wanted to do it.
It's kind of awkward as my place is a shithole and I don't cook or have any food you could cook something with. I'm hesitant to try and change it up as I think it offended the previous girl who wanted to do it.
Yeah inviting herself over, for a first date no less, is weird. Why can't she invite you to her place?
jamesinclair
Banned
I fixed that for you
Mystic Theurge
Member
So I asked a guy out. He said yes but also said that he was very busy and couldn't tell me when he would be free.
After gently pushing for him to take a break, I realized he wouldn't budge, so I gave him my number and said contact me when you're free.
I thought that would be the end of it--that he was blowing me off and would never contact me--but then he gives me his number.
What should I do next? My first instinct is to wait and see if he makes a move.
Congrats, peteykirch. I hope it goes well.
After gently pushing for him to take a break, I realized he wouldn't budge, so I gave him my number and said contact me when you're free.
I thought that would be the end of it--that he was blowing me off and would never contact me--but then he gives me his number.
What should I do next? My first instinct is to wait and see if he makes a move.
Congrats, peteykirch. I hope it goes well.
jamesinclair
Banned
AlmostMilk
Member
So I finally created a profile on OKC a few weeks ago and have probably messaged every person that I find at least moderately attractive with no success. Almost got something going with someone but they cancelled at the last minute. I am now only just waiting for new people to join to message them. Not really sure if I am not doing something right or not but any advice would be appreciated.
Make sure you have a good profile. Avoid being a pretentious, self-deprecating, sarcastic prick like lots of people love to do, and also avoid being boring and giving "interview" type answers to everything. Make it short, but with enough information so that other people can at least an idea on how you our your character is!
Also make sure to have at least 3 different pics, just for variety's sake.
When you first message girls, also try to be random and funny. That's your chance to make a good impression. If they don't reply to you, is their lost, not yours
Charlie McCarthy
Member
I'm not an OKCupid user, but I have recently got back on POF and having much more success this time around. The first time I used it, which was years ago, was when I had come out of a 7 year relationship. Obviously I was very rusty and had no clue but got better with it over time but still I only ended up meeting 7 women in a whole year of using it and am still "clubbing" friends with a couple of chicks I met on there.
I have said it before in this thread but the importance of pictures cannot be emphasized enough. Most people (this goes for guys and girls) don't read profiles because lets face it, they all pretty much say the same thing. I think stn nailed what all girls profiles read like a few posts above but I would like to add my favourite "don't message me if your just looking for a fuck buddy!", haha I love this one because from my experience this has definitely not been the case...Anyway back to what I was saying PICTURES are everything. My profile is pretty much this-
Pic 1- Close up of me holding my cat and she is licking my face. Also black and white just to make the pic look a bit cleaner.
Pic 2- A picture of me in a dance club, tearing it up. I am holding glow sticks and just look like I am having ball. This gives the impression that I'm fun, not socially awkward and love to go out dancing. Women love this
Pic 3- Me standing next to my mates GSX/R 1000 in his riding jacket and holding his helmet. Now I don't ride anymore, so the pic is a bit fraudulent but a lot of chicks dig bikes. I guess it just shows you have a fearless/adventurous side.
Apart from the filled out info on my profile, the only thing I have written in my description is "I love clubbing and my cat". Nothing about my job or anything. Tbh I am not really looking to meet someone long term on here, but its great to have as a side to meeting women in the real world and I do love sex with random women that I hardly know. Call me an asshole but I love variety and its the reason I want to stay single. But if you are looking for a long term partner, all that profile stuff may be more important.
Only been on for a month, been out with 4 girls, 1 contacted me and have had 2 other dates lined up but they both flaked at the last minute, so its been pretty good for me this time around. It's been said here before but the trick to online dating is to not be outcome dependent. You really have to have the "what ever happens, happens" attitude. Anyway I think I have written enough.
TL;DR Have awesome pictures
Buckethead
Banned
Welp. Had without a doubt the worst dating experience of my life yesterday.
Trying to take responsibility for certain things and learn and grow from them but I'm pretty hurt and frustrated by the whole thing. And it was the first date. What the fuuuuuu.
Trying to take responsibility for certain things and learn and grow from them but I'm pretty hurt and frustrated by the whole thing. And it was the first date. What the fuuuuuu.
peteykirch
Member
Buckethead
Banned
If that happened to you, I'm sorry man.
She invited me over to her place to hang/drink with friends but all of the sudden stopped including me in conversations, made no effort to invest in whatever and just went and had a sidebar with her friends one of which even commented that she was being rude, and I eventually realized she was seemingly using me as a jealousy ploy with her friend who is her ex-bf. They went out and smoked and had some sort of heart-to-heart but needless to say I was stepping into a minefield and I'm not sure why she even invited me in retrospect.
I can deal if I'm not your thing but I don't know. The whole thing was fucked.
Add to that, my phone died and I ended up getting lost on the way home.
peteykirch
Member
That's one awful mind f.
Yeah I had a girl ditch me halfway through dinner, and then had the nerve to ask me out 5 days later, and said that I should pay for everything.....again.
It sucks though you were used as a pawn to get back at someone though.
You should've put the moves on somewhere there, or at least raid her fridge and leave.
Mystic Theurge
Member
Not strictly related to OKCupid, but just wanted to say that going ice skating is a winner if you're more experienced than the other person. You get to hold their hands all the time, they grab you when they're about to fall... You're essentially a reassuring presence.
I mean I don't even know if this girl likes me but it's ridiculous how confident and needed you feel in those kinds of situations. It's pretty much just like those corny Christmas romcoms.
I'll definitely use that trick next time I have a date/meet a friend's friend.
I mean I don't even know if this girl likes me but it's ridiculous how confident and needed you feel in those kinds of situations. It's pretty much just like those corny Christmas romcoms.
I'll definitely use that trick next time I have a date/meet a friend's friend.
Buckethead
Banned
Sounds like an awful person. Sorry you had to go through that, brother.
I think that's the point of learning from this awful experience. Be more assertive, grab the reins and either be (more) in control or just peace out.
That being said, I was kind of thinking that when shit was going down but the whole situation threw me off and I was buzzed as well.
I'm not sure of the semantics but the preceding dinner/drinks/conversation was a date. We both dressed as if it were a date. I personally saw the drinks/friends thing a "level two".
peteykirch
Member
I've had rotten luck in just finding decent human beings on OKC.
I had the one girl ditch me, then another girl turning bowling into a freaking sprint. I never saw someone pretty much run back and forth to finish her frame as soon as possible. I think it was less than 15 minutes and she bailed.
FelixOrion
Poet Centuriate
Well I'm probably gonna deactivate again here soon. Trying to use OKCupid in rural America is kinda hard.
peteykirch
Member
Just decided to message this girl who seems perfect for me on paper, and the website agrees...the only caveat she's 5'11.
BWAHAHA
BWAHAHA
So I thought I'd provide an update on my recent OKC shenanigans cause I'm sure ALL of you are DYING to know . A couple of weeks ago I was supposed to meet up with this one chick who was pretty yummy. It was weird cause our convos on the site were pretty shitty. Like, she didn't seem interested at all with her one word/sentence responses. Yet, oddly enough for whatever reason she was open to meeting up. Sadly she flaked on me at the last minute, saying that "something" came up. But what was even more insulting was that she didn't seem apologetic at all. Then why the fuck did you agree to meet up in the first place? Now I know how that one girl who I flaked on last year (my god, what a mistake) felt like. (In my defense, it wasn't intentional, and I asked if we could reschedule, but she understandably didn't care for that)
Second one was the other day where I believe I briefly mentioned. She was a nice gal, but her pictures were quite misleading. Though it's cool cause she didn't seem to be interested in me much either.
Now, I've been talking with this other chick who seems to be pretty cool, but has only an upper body photo on her profile. It's one of those weird situations where I don't even remember why I originally contacted her. But yeah we've been talking for a bit now, and we'll be meeting up eventually, so fingers crossed!
Some other random comments:
- I've had some much hotter women respond to me in the past week or so, which made me happy, but then they just disappeared.
- I just realized that I've been going out with women ranging from somewhat older than me to much older than me (I'm 29, and this most recent one is 41). Not that I'm complaining, mind you It's just that I haven't gone out with someone around my own age for more than a year now (and it was that one bad date that I described earlier).
Damn, sorry to hear that, guys. None of my dates (so far) managed to be that bad. The worst I had was going out with this girl that made it pretty clear she wasn't even remotely interested in me, and spending pretty much the entire night with her. Spent like $80 going to dinner and a movie. But what made it all the worse was that I wasn't remotely interested in her either! She was neither attractive in body OR personality!
But..yeah, not as bad as what you guys gone through. :/
. A couple of weeks ago I was supposed to meet up with this one chick who was pretty yummy. It was weird cause our convos on the site were pretty shitty. Like, she didn't seem interested at all with her one word/sentence responses. Yet, oddly enough for whatever reason she was open to meeting up. Sadly she flaked on me at the last minute, saying that "something" came up. But what was even more insulting was that she didn't seem apologetic at all. Then why the fuck did you agree to meet up in the first place? Now I know how that one girl who I flaked on last year (my god, what a mistake) felt like. (In my defense, it wasn't intentional, and I asked if we could reschedule, but she understandably didn't care for that)Second one was the other day where I believe I briefly mentioned. She was a nice gal, but her pictures were quite misleading. Though it's cool cause she didn't seem to be interested in me much either.
Now, I've been talking with this other chick who seems to be pretty cool, but has only an upper body photo on her profile. It's one of those weird situations where I don't even remember why I originally contacted her. But yeah we've been talking for a bit now, and we'll be meeting up eventually, so fingers crossed!
Some other random comments:
- I've had some much hotter women respond to me in the past week or so, which made me happy, but then they just disappeared.
- I just realized that I've been going out with women ranging from somewhat older than me to much older than me (I'm 29, and this most recent one is 41). Not that I'm complaining, mind you
It's just that I haven't gone out with someone around my own age for more than a year now (and it was that one bad date that I described earlier).Damn, sorry to hear that, guys. None of my dates (so far) managed to be that bad. The worst I had was going out with this girl that made it pretty clear she wasn't even remotely interested in me, and spending pretty much the entire night with her. Spent like $80 going to dinner and a movie. But what made it all the worse was that I wasn't remotely interested in her either! She was neither attractive in body OR personality!
But..yeah, not as bad as what you guys gone through. :/
So there was a girl who I exchanged like 1000 messages with in like a month. Then I had to move for a while to another place and she didn't talk to me after that. I contacted her on Facebook after a while saying what was up and found that she got into a relationship. I said I was happy for her and just left.
Today she messages me and tells me she's single again and would love to see me. I wanted to tell her so bad to go fuck herself. I didn't, but damn if I didn't want to.
Today she messages me and tells me she's single again and would love to see me. I wanted to tell her so bad to go fuck herself. I didn't, but damn if I didn't want to.
peteykirch
Member
So I thought I'd provide an update on my recent OKC shenanigans cause I'm sure ALL of you are DYING to know
Second one was the other day where I believe I briefly mentioned. She was a nice gal, but her pictures were quite misleading. Though it's cool cause she didn't seem to be interested in me much either.
Now, I've been talking with this other chick who seems to be pretty cool, but has only an upper body photo on her profile. It's one of those weird situations where I don't even remember why I originally contacted her. But yeah we've been talking for a bit now, and we'll be meeting up eventually, so fingers crossed!
Some other random comments:
- I've had some much hotter women respond to me in the past week or so, which made me happy, but then they just disappeared.
- I just realized that I've been going out with women ranging from somewhat older than me to much older than me (I'm 29, and this most recent one is 41). Not that I'm complaining, mind you
Damn, sorry to hear that, guys. None of my dates (so far) managed to be that bad. The worst I had was going out with this girl that made it pretty clear she wasn't even remotely interested in me, and spending pretty much the entire night with her. Spent like $80 going to dinner and a movie. But what made it all the worse was that I wasn't remotely interested in her either! She was neither attractive in body OR personality!
But..yeah, not as bad as what you guys gone through. :/
At least stuck with you until the end. I mean yeah it was most likely a waste of money, but give her credit for not bailing. I come from the state of mind, just sit there, let me buy you a nice meal, try to make conversation, and if you're not feeling fine, that's that, but don't mislead me into thinking it went one way, but it really went another.
I had this one girl I went and saw, we hit it off (I thought we did at least). She was laughing and giggling, and we made great conversation. I tried to make another date and things never lined up, until after the 5th attempt she said she didn't know how to say no to me and felt back because I really was a nice guy and deserved someone in my life, I just wasn't making that physical spark she apparently needed. The biggest mind trip was after that, about a week later, I get a notification she rated me 5 stars on OKC. I don't know if it was her paying it forward by trying to get me matched up with better people, or if she was just playing a cruel trick it just stung to be honest.
EatinOlives
Member
New to this whole online dating scene. What do I do for messaging? Long messages or short shit? Try to be funny or honest/srs bsns? What's typical message content?
Obviously I haven't received any (I mean, the account like 4 days old) so I can't just copy that style.
Obviously I haven't received any (I mean, the account like 4 days old) so I can't just copy that style.
So a chick messaged me and above the message it says I was accepted as one of her Quiver matches. What does that mean exactly? She's not in my quiver set and she hasn't rated me. Just curious what they mean exactly with their wording. I was assuming Quiver matches showed the same thing on both ends.
Update that no one requested:
Didn't end up texting that girl again, but went out with another girl twice. First time was good; we had a decent time and she ended up inviting me to a get together at her place that I passed on since I had other plans. Second time I thought was enjoyable (we had dinner at this French restaurant that was coincidentally near her place) but looking back I was sort of tired and too quiet; she didn't want to meet up again after that. Also spent a little over 100 bucks on that dinner so oops! I was bummed but we probably weren't a brilliant match
Had a few conversations but nothing concrete since then. This shit is hard! I need to be less boring, I think
SpectreFire
Member
You know what? Fuck online dating. Fuck these flaky shitty-ass people who are fucking afraid of going on dates ON A GODDAMN DATING SITE.
megamerican
Member
In continuation of updates that no one requested. I spent the whole day cleaning up my place and then we wound up going out to eat anyway. Date went well, she ended up going down on me, so it wasn't all for naught.
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