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Okcupid is not that bad. I already got a date!
- Thread starter AlimNassor
- Start date
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KO Traveling Hobo
Member
I can't imagine why someone would rather get a few good messages a week than get swarmed by a bunch of blubbering manchildren. Truly, that poster is blind to her good fortune.
johnny_park
Member
What usually works for me is that I message girls that are new to okc or pof before they get bombarded with messages. I find that I get a higher reply rate doing this. I've met of with over 20 girls since last July, which is not a lot but 4 of those months I was dating one girl exclusively.
Zomba13
Member
lol same.
RedAssedApe
Banned
Some guys just don't realize how many messages girls get. Its probably an order of magnitude of 10:1 on average and that ratio goes up as general attractiveness goes up. I've known girls who were so overwhelmed by the amount of messages they were receiving that they pretty much deleted their accounts within a few days of putting up a profile.
Its why you have people writing stuff in the profiles telling people not to expect a response if all they are going to write is "whats up?" "hi" "you're hot" etc.
As much as online dating is becoming more mainstream/accepted, its actually made the experience for some people worse in many respects. In a nutshell it sucks to be a girl and/or attractive. LOL
I messaged a girl that seemed to have a lot in common with me, but she just viewed my profile the next day with no response. I was a bit let down and figured she wasn't interested in me until she sent me a message nine days later
Devolution
Member
Oh man some of the flagged stuff on OKC. Lawd hammercy.
Devolution
Member
Yeah underneath ratings there is a "moderation" tab. I can't top this one message so far though. Let's just say it's as creepy as one can get without actual physical threats. And it's a huge paragraph of stalker mode. He even threatens to contact everyone on her facebook who lives in her state to try to get in contact with her. I don't know what to make of it.
Power Glove
Member
Post the text!
Devolution
Member
Violates the ToS. Lemme get some more lulz before I put my account in jeopardy.
Devolution
Member
Today it's fake pic today. Searching by image through google is a pretty good tool for this.
go outside
shindoku21
Member
Haha, nice. Im taking this step by step. I dont really like the idea of online dating but I see the appeal. I guess I'm using this more as practice or to entertain myself, especially after that weird date last night.I messaged a girl that seemed to have a lot in common with me, but she just viewed my profile the next day with no response. I was a bit let down and figured she wasn't interested in me until she sent me a message nine days later
It's weird when I read some profiles that make it seem like a perfect fit, except they've already graduated/have a career job. I feel my change in majors (transferring to uni next semester, age 22) might be holding me back from otherwise meeting these really good matches. Oh well.
Devolution
Member
Power Glove
Member
You should go ahead and message them if you think you're a good fit.
You're still at an age where it's expected of you to be in school. If someone is so stuck-up they can't appreciate that you're still doing a good thing by going to school , they are not worth your time.
I'm telling on the both of youse!
01) Hmm, a girl sent me a message early today. Her profile says she maybe talks too much and that she replies very selectively.
Message is:
"hi"
And that's it.
To me it seems like it's just a person writing "hi" to a lot of guys to test out the waters and to see who replies her and somehow it doesn't feel serious. But then her profile states that she's looking for friends, so she might just look for someone to chat with.
Should I reply? If so, what should I say? If I reply "hi" straight back at her then it's a dead end already.
02) And then there's ANOTHER girl who I wrote to at March 30, she then replied at April 20 and apologized that she isn't much on the site and for replying late. I told her it's okay and to take her time but could I let her know that I got Skype as well?
Message is:
"hi"
And that's it.
To me it seems like it's just a person writing "hi" to a lot of guys to test out the waters and to see who replies her and somehow it doesn't feel serious. But then her profile states that she's looking for friends, so she might just look for someone to chat with.
Should I reply? If so, what should I say? If I reply "hi" straight back at her then it's a dead end already.
02) And then there's ANOTHER girl who I wrote to at March 30, she then replied at April 20 and apologized that she isn't much on the site and for replying late. I told her it's okay and to take her time but could I let her know that I got Skype as well?
Power Glove
Member
Alright, I guess I'll reply "hi, I see you know the guitar, you got a favorite genre you listen to?". That seems like a good first response from me, I won't be too serious about it all.
EDIT
Oh, I got contact with her now. I don't like that she ignored my question about the guitar but that probably means she don't know how to play it. And it's real short lines she's giving me but it's alright, interesting where this will go. We are in the same city after all.
EDIT
Oh, I got contact with her now. I don't like that she ignored my question about the guitar but that probably means she don't know how to play it. And it's real short lines she's giving me but it's alright, interesting where this will go. We are in the same city after all.
shindoku21
Member
Yeah I know. I'm just hesitant because since I'm looking at people around my age, a lot of the profiles I'm reading are like: "I just graduated college with a BA/BS in ____! I got a job in the _____ industry and am making the best of it, being an independent lady." In my head I'm thinking, damn I haven't accomplished anything yet. Then after a few seconds, I'm like fudge it, I gots nothing to lose!~ maybe I can be a househusband.
Seriously, absolutely nobody texted me on OKC the first month and then all of a sudden 3 girls write me today. Anyway, I have had a real great conversation with one of them and she happens to live 10-15 minutes from my place and she already asked for my Facebook.
One funny thing is, that I noticed she edited her profile from:
23 yrs, hmm nice and cute? well, i think im an easy...could all fit on my personality. hehe better know me.. im looking for a nice guy or friend .....^^ could it be you?
To:
23 yrs, hmm nice and cute? well, i think im an easy...could all fit on my personality. hehe better know me.. im looking for a nice guy, friend or maybe more than that if we are compatible to each other .....^^ could it be you?
Lol.
One funny thing is, that I noticed she edited her profile from:
23 yrs, hmm nice and cute?
well, i think im an easy...could all fit on my personality. hehe better know me.. im looking for a nice guy or friend .....^^ could it be you?To:
23 yrs, hmm nice and cute?
well, i think im an easy...could all fit on my personality. hehe better know me.. im looking for a nice guy, friend or maybe more than that if we are compatible to each other .....^^ could it be you?Lol.
Mecha_Infantry
Banned
Sooooo
First date went ok. I felt on tenterhooks all day and when it came to saying goodbye she said she'll walk to the train station with me. So I thought she was interested in me to talk even more w ith me. But when we said goodbye I froze and went for a hover handshake hug
But just talked to her and she said it took too long for us to meet up and it'll be a shame to leave it so long again.so we're planning for a meet up in a couple of days
Glad it went well
First date went ok. I felt on tenterhooks all day and when it came to saying goodbye she said she'll walk to the train station with me. So I thought she was interested in me to talk even more w ith me. But when we said goodbye I froze and went for a hover handshake hug
But just talked to her and she said it took too long for us to meet up and it'll be a shame to leave it so long again.so we're planning for a meet up in a couple of days
Glad it went well
I always can never think of things to talk about. Like at the start it's fine. The first date is fine. But I kinda get stumped after that. One of my friends chats to this girl every single night for like an hour. What the hell do they even chat about? I've been building my confidence, maybe I should focus on conversational skills...
That's a rather difficult thing to give advice for. Most would say "just ask her questions girls love to talk" but that's terrible advice. There's certainly a way to ask a bunch of questions but it can often seem like an interview.
Most I can offer you is read books. That's where a bulk of my conversational cues come from. I read a lot of Chuck Klosterman and he's really good at making the mundane seem interesting and also making you think differently about something you thought you had all figured out. I don't sit there and say "HEY DID YOU READ THIS BOOK?!?!" but it's all about having something to say. Books give you ammo even when you don't realize it.
Also, casually bring up some of your own interest. I think 4 out of my 6 or so dates included a conversation about LOST or Parks and Rec. Don't be afraid to talk about "whatever" or bring up pop-culture. You don't have to sit there having mindblowing convo the whole time.
This next bit of advice is only something I've experienced so I'm not sure you should even take this:
But don't be afraid to talk a lot. Not about yourself but about "something". When someone is passionate about something and can speak endlessly about it, you're all the more willing to listen because you feel that you are getting something out of it. You're learning something. At least that's what I feel. There are many people I simply enjoy listening to and it's because they seem to enjoy what they're talking about.
GoingGreen
Banned
And there in lies my problem; I don't do small talk well at all.
Deadly Cyclone
Pride of Iowa State
So, I'm not having any luck on any site. Don't get any messages. Maybe I need to clean up the profile a bit.
So I sent a message to that girl I used to know ages ago and had a crush on(back then as a kid). Bloody weird though, I got really nervous sending it. Like my old, shy self came out for a bit because I knew her at that time. I've sent messages plenty of times, even gone on dates and wasn't that nervous. :s
Oh well, sent now. I'm not that shy guy anymore so doesn't matter what I feel, I just do it. I basically said "Hey. I'm pretty sure we went to school together. I'm X , you're Y , right?". I hope I actually get a reply though. If that doesn't peak her curiosity to reply, I don't think anything will.
If you're a guy, you gotta send the messages first.
Oh well, sent now. I'm not that shy guy anymore so doesn't matter what I feel, I just do it. I basically said "Hey. I'm pretty sure we went to school together. I'm X , you're Y , right?". I hope I actually get a reply though. If that doesn't peak her curiosity to reply, I don't think anything will.
If you're a guy, you gotta send the messages first.
So this girl who wrote me on OKC asked me if I got facebook and since then she have asked me if I want her number. I must be doing something right lol. I have been talking about watching a movie together at my place, would that be good when we meet the first time? Or should I think of something else, like going to the amusement park or something? Maybe even both.
Zomba13
Member
Yup. I've only had 4 people message me (as in make first contact). If you want messages I guess you need a good pic as my only three messages were all along the lines of "You're cute".
You really do need to send messages out though if you're a guy.
Castor Krieg
Banned
Met:Sex ratio?
Mecha_Infantry
Banned
Maybe the house is too Close for a meet up for the first time. Would definitely leave it until the second date and cook her dinner
In two months I've had around 20 girls message me. Some were quite unattractive, some just said "hi" which I hate, and one was in a wheelchair. Seriously.
Out of those though, a few were cute/interesting and I've gone out with two of them. I'm pursuing the second one at the moment. I've sent out plenty of my own though...some getting replies, some not. Haven't met any of them yet, but pretty soon if the one I'm seeing doesn't work out.
Good pics and a light-hearted summary go far, methinks.
Perspicacity
Banned
Especially on POF. This is what I did, even if they have no pics. Message them.
Her "Willing to Admit" section said she was born with a condition that left her in a wheelchair. I shit you not.
With men it's not an either or thing. Women get quality hidden amongst the masses, men just have to take what they are given if anything. To the girls on this thread, would you rather be burdened with having to filter through many messages to see what takes your fancy and know almost all your messages will be replied to, or would you rather have to send like 100 messages and get about 10 responses of which half will stop talking to you after a few posts? I spoke to some girls who set up a profile for a friend and they were awe struck at how few messages they got and the absence of replies.
Yeah, fuck those people in wheelchairs. Where do they get off thinking they can look for a romantic relationship?
What's wrong with you?
Yeah that was certainly odd to read. Just ignorance I suppose.
I probably wouldn't date a girl in a wheelchair(unless it happened after we met) but saying it in such a negative fashion makes you sound like an arsehole. How dare she be born paralyzed!
I need to see some chat logs or some shit. 20 in one month? That's massive.
Um, aside from the fact that her interests didn't line up with mine and I didn't find her attractive, being in a wheelchair would catch anyone offguard. What ignorance is that? Don't sit there and pretend you wouldn't be surprised to read that in someone's Cupid profile. My reply to her was perfectly respectful.
Power Glove
Member
July,August,September, October, November, December, January, February, March, April
No, I wouldn't be surprised. These are people, you know, and they have their lives, their hardships, etc. Maybe you should get out more.
Some people won't mind if their SO is in a wheelchair. Others do, but don't act like an asshole about it. My mom can't go outside the house without a wheelchair, so I'm used to it and would be perfectly fine with it. We wouldn't be able to do all the things I enjoy, but that's a small sacrifice if that person was someone I cared about.
Regardless of how my comment came off, I'm telling you now that it wasn't meant to offend people in wheelchairs or suggest they shouldn't be looking for relationships...that's ignorant of you to suggest, actually. Telling me to get out more? Really?
Yeah, it's becoming pretty apparent the hopelessness in your realization of how you came off in this thread. When discussing the disbelief one might have if a physically handicapped woman is interested in them, it should be quite obvious that "seriously" and "I shit you not" are completely misguided comments. It's not weird and it really shouldn't be surprising. It's not a big deal to me, be willfully ignorant if you wish.
brucewaynegretzky
Member
Yeah, but I mean.... wouldn't you think it was weird if it was deliberately left out of pictures and stuff?
I wouldn't have a problem with it, but I'd be caught off guard. This is kinda like that whole fiasco with the FDR memorial where people got all upset they didn't show him in the wheelchair at all.
Pretty much my response. Telling you to get out more was a suggestion that you have a strange conception of people if you are surprised that a person in a wheelchair would be on a dating site, and have the gall to send you a message. If what you conveyed wasn't your intent, fair enough. That's just how it comes across to us.
Her pictures could be old, and she might not have any good new ones. I think it's better that she put it in her profile as opposed to engaging messages and then all of a sudden, showing up at the date in a wheelchair. That would be awkward if her date wasn't interested in a relationship with someone in a wheelchair.
Zomba13
Member
Well yeah, if it was left out or purposefully hidden anyone would be caught off guard but he said it was in her profile, so in plain view.
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