Success is a relative term, don't feel too successful at the moment considering she broke up with me haha.
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Okcupid is not that bad. I already got a date!
- Thread starter AlimNassor
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Success is a relative term, don't feel too successful at the moment considering she broke up with me haha.
I hear you. I've already been disappointed with several dates so I try to keep expectations to a bare minimal. I just hope this one disappoints because she feels different so far.
NoctisVsStar
Member
I've never tried online dating but hearing stories here makes me curious to just do a profile for the hell of it and see where it goes. I ended a 3 year relationship in dec and I would like to be outthere. Thing is about being a New Yorker meeting people is extremely difficult since we are busy creatures either college or work or both! Time just feels faster here compared to somewhere else.
Demon Lizardman
Banned
Alright Gaf, I met this girl who I chatted with for a while and she sent me a nude photo of herself and now she wants me to show a nude photo of me. I dunno GAF, she seems real, but should I take the risk?
NoctisVsStar
Member
So you already met her in person right? Did you make out with her? Please explain lol
Demon Lizardman
Banned
I mean, met her online, not yet in person. That's why I am a bit suspicious.
NoctisVsStar
Member
Nope, meet her in person first. For all you know it's a fake account
Demon Lizardman
Banned
That's what I thought, I'll notify her that if she wants, we could meet up somewhere.
EatinOlives
Member
Lol, struck up a good conversation with this girl and after a few messages she goes "I looked at your profile and I'm not really looking into dating. I'd love to keep talking but I don't want to lead you on".
One one hand: *sigh*, what are people doing on what's obviously a dating website talking to people of the opposite sex if they're not interested in dating? That's a waste of time for everyone involved.
On the other: she was at least nice enough to let me know pretty early so I don't actually get let on. Could've neglected to tell me and would've made me waste even more time.
On a third hand: she's looking for dating but not specifically interested in me and is too shy to say so. It's OK if that's the case, I wouldn't actually mind that.
One one hand: *sigh*, what are people doing on what's obviously a dating website talking to people of the opposite sex if they're not interested in dating? That's a waste of time for everyone involved.
On the other: she was at least nice enough to let me know pretty early so I don't actually get let on. Could've neglected to tell me and would've made me waste even more time.
On a third hand: she's looking for dating but not specifically interested in me and is too shy to say so. It's OK if that's the case, I wouldn't actually mind that.
Is it common as a white man for 90% of your incoming messages to come from black girls if you use the 'swipe' method?
I'm getting a lot of messages but I'm just not attracted to most of them. If it isn't common then I need to work on my pictures or profile for sure.
I'm getting a lot of messages but I'm just not attracted to most of them. If it isn't common then I need to work on my pictures or profile for sure.
Hey Gaf,
How much time do you think I should give a person the chance to meet? We have a lot in common and we've been talking a month now. I'm really curious about him, but I'm getting impatient waiting on him to make time. We were moving fast at first, he's already deactivated his account...And I told him to slow down, but now I feel things are too slow considering the intent. He's currently preparing for a big show (which happens in 2 weeks) where there are record executives and I do understand that he doesn't want to blow his chances. Most his time is spent preparing for it, but at the same time I feel he could afford an hour at the least? I don't expect the first meeting to be perfect or anything, and we live close. Am I being selfish or am I right to feel a bit annoyed? I'm feeling I should move on...
Thanks for any advice
How much time do you think I should give a person the chance to meet? We have a lot in common and we've been talking a month now. I'm really curious about him, but I'm getting impatient waiting on him to make time. We were moving fast at first, he's already deactivated his account...And I told him to slow down, but now I feel things are too slow considering the intent. He's currently preparing for a big show (which happens in 2 weeks) where there are record executives and I do understand that he doesn't want to blow his chances. Most his time is spent preparing for it, but at the same time I feel he could afford an hour at the least? I don't expect the first meeting to be perfect or anything, and we live close. Am I being selfish or am I right to feel a bit annoyed? I'm feeling I should move on...
Thanks for any advice
Uhhh are you a girl? If yes, then there's a few possibilities
1) He's super shy/new to online dating and is anxious about the first meeting
2) Something about him is fake - maybe his photos, or something he's told you
3) He's not that interested
#3 seems very unlikely to me, since he's been talking to you this whole time. But any guy who doesn't insist on meeting you within the first week of messaging - is either really new to the online thing or something fishy is going on. I would insist on meeting ASAP, or else cease communciation
I usually ask women to meet after the 5th message I send, that's a long time.
Maddocks
Member
A month is a long time in the online dating world. Not going to say hes straight up making excuses because a record contract is a very big deal and its great hes taking it seriously, but also if you have already traded phone numbers and texted/talked on the phone and you live relatively close to each other, then excuses are going to dry up very fast. If he was serious about dating, which he seemed to be at first he would find time for you even with a big thing looming he would go, you know what what is 2-3 hours of time to relax and go out with someone I connect with.
With all that said, I believe you shouldn't move on just yet. Only because he did what you wanted, you wanted him to slow down and did. But it shouldn't stop you from meeting other people. I say wait till after his gig and revisit the idea. Two weeks is a long time, you might find another person to date or someone else will come along or he might wake up and take a break from preparing and take you for that fancy steak dinner.
Thanks for the reply.. I was thinking he was hiding something because it doesn't make sense. I thought it was the music thing at first, but I checked it out and it actually is legit, so I'm not sure what it could have been..
Thanks for the help! I am going to cease all communication, before I let it get even further. His loss... if he wanted to meet I gave him plenty of time to do so. I asked him again tonight and he dodged the question so... that's that. I actually think he is interested because he texts me a lot, so it must be that he's hiding something.
Thanks! I've definitely learned my lesson and I should have known better. Won't get discouraged though and I'll keep an open mind.
Thanks for the thoughtful post. I am still going to cease contact for now. If he wakes up, he'll prove it by meeting me. I was on the other hand thinking like you and that I should wait for the gig to finish and see if he actually pulls through, but i'm not waiting around for one person either. We'll see I guess. :S You're right, two weeks is a lot of time, and a month is even longer in online dating.
Do keep it in perspective though. I've been doing online dating for two years and have had my share of successes and failures. I'm recently out of a three month relationship from Tinder that left me feeling pretty shitty. He might just be new to the whole thing. I ask women out after the fifth message because I know it works, he might not be at that point. I was pretty apprehensive when I started.
The app has been weird for the past couple of days (slow, trouble connecting, etc) but I seem to be logged in.
Just won't load sometimes for me. I'm guessing server issues. Maybe clear your cache?
NoctisVsStar
Member
I read some users on twitter saying it was DDOS attack could be bs tho
Tried this, but it didnt worked.
It doesnt load on any device or computer. I think somethig is up :/
Maddocks
Member
if you can't log in after a week. it means you got banned. I made a new account and I could sign into that one no problems, but my original account it would always have a log in issue. I asked what the deal was and they said that account was banned.
no idea what I got banned for, but it happens.
no idea what I got banned for, but it happens.
I usually ask after serveal dozen messages. Pretty much when it feels natural to ask. I wish I felt I could get away asking for a date on the fifth message though lol.
Yeah I've been getting bad connectivity issues lately. Guess its the app acting up.
So my first date went pretty well last night. I don't know if it's just people lately but the biggest flaw was she could not put down her phone for more than 10 minutes. I half jokingly told her I get the impression that I'm boring when she checks her phone but she insist its just a bad habit of hers. It's a deal breaker if she keeps it up.
I went for the kiss at the end of the night, but she gave me the cheek. I had a feeling she was just throwing guard and after a slight chat I went for it again and got the kiss. Aggression paid off lol.
Tbh I had too high of hopes and reality didn't live up to expectations, but it rarely does. We liked each other enough to see each other again so we'll see how it goes.
Dorimukyasuto
Member
I'm new to Ok Cupid and I just got a message from a profile with no information and no picture. I live in Philly and her profile says she is in Texas. However she says she is in my city "for now" and has pics and wants to text.
Is this legitimate? or is it a bot or some shit?
pls help me gaf i don't meet many women and don't know how to date
Is this legitimate? or is it a bot or some shit?
pls help me gaf i don't meet many women and don't know how to date
If there's no face to it I wouldn't trust it.
Maddocks
Member
That is a scam, its best to ignore it and just move on.
Dorimukyasuto
Member
yep, thought so. I will ignore it.
In other news, I sent 5 messages out. No responses yet.
Don't let yourself get down, just keep at it. Some people are on there just for ego, some make a profile and don't really ever intend to go out. It's a game and it took me a while to figure it out, eventually you'll figure out what makes a good profile and find your best photos.
If you get frustrated with OKC try another service. Match has just as many people on it in my city and they're more attractive. Plus if you're paying for a website the chances you actually have intentions of using it are higher.
If you'd like you can PM me your profile and I'll take a look and let you know what I think.
Dorimukyasuto
Member
Yeah, this is my first time with online dating of any kind, and like I said, I'm also not too experienced with offline dating either. I don't really know what it is, other than that I think I am incredibly average looking in every way possible. I also, of course, get awkward around girls and usually don't pick up on hints and/or follow through with any.
I figure online is something I should try. I'll give it a few days and if I have no more luck, I'll send you a link to my profile so you can tell me what's wrong, lol.
There's this one girl who is like a 94% match with me but she doesn't seem interested, eh whatever. I'll give it a few days like I said. Thanks for the info.
protip: match % means absolute fuck all.
Charlie McCarthy
Member
Do it!! As much as online dating can be hit or miss, it is great for opportunities like the one you have. I have learnt there are some damn freaky women out there. If only I knew what I know now, when I was in my 20's. I was so nieve lol.
Pastry said it well when he mentioned that you have to play the game. Its one huge game, so like everything it can take a while to get good at. One thing I always say though is to make online dating secondary to going out and meeting people. It can be easy to become outcome dependant, particularly if you are new to this, the key is just to send the message and see what happens. Nothing more. I know its easy in theory and it was hard for me at first, because I would take the no replies as "rejections" but the truth is it could be so many reasons, which with a lot of women these reasons could change by the hour. Just keep at it bud, you'll get there.
Yep. One of the many things about OKCupid which make me prefer POF. OkCupid focus's on so much pointless fluff. I just need to see pics and a brief description to make my decisions, not a host of tedious questions to come up with some "match %". I can see from reading this thread that quite a few people take them seriously.
I can barely get connected, app or website, weird it's been messed up for so long.
Dorimukyasuto
Member
What exactly am I supposed to send in the first message? A lot of girls have stuff on their profiles that say they won't read messages that just say "Hi, how are you?" type shit.
So what am I supposed to write?
So what am I supposed to write?
I don't really use lines much but they work for some people here. I just find anything else I could relate to in their profile and go from there. TV show, music, some location their in pic that you want to learn more about...whatever!
Yeah, the app is acting bonkers on me lately.
Same. Or I default to saying something random or ridiculous that they can't help but respond lol.
Does anyone else experience cycles on OKC? Like, I'll get nothing for weeks, then in the span of a day or two I'll get a couple of random unsolicited messages, then I'll get girls actually responding to the ones I sent out, and then a complete dry spell again. It's fucking bizarre.
Lucian Cat
Kissed a mod for a tag; liked it
Referencing something in my profile worked when guys were trying to message me. Showed they actually looked instead of just messaging some random chick on there. I'd suggest go for that. And try to be fun.
Maddocks
Member
your first message should always say,"Hey baby, let me hear that booty clap"
Actually I would avoid that. You can go for a generic,"Would you rather be in space or 20 thousand leagues under the sea?" because its a simple question and easy to reply to. You don't really want to send out a long winded 400 word essay type opening letter. Read the profile, find something that catches your eye and comment on it. No need to hit a home run at your first at bat, be patient.
Actually I would avoid that. You can go for a generic,"Would you rather be in space or 20 thousand leagues under the sea?" because its a simple question and easy to reply to. You don't really want to send out a long winded 400 word essay type opening letter. Read the profile, find something that catches your eye and comment on it. No need to hit a home run at your first at bat, be patient.
TWENTY THOUSAND LEAGUES REFERS TO THE DISTANCE TRAVELED WHILE THEY WERE UNDERWATER, NOT THEIR DEPTH. YOU WILL DIE ALONE.
Maddocks
Member
It's always been like that for me. I'll go like a month with no luck and then suddenly I'm getting responses to everything and have several dates.
I've got a date on Thursday. She seems good looking and is really nice but I'm a little jaded right now so we'll so how it goes.
Also, I need your help GAF. I legitimately can't decide which photo I look better in, are there females active in this thread that can chime in? Which one?
or
Poor babe, I can only imagine how frustrating that is. I would assume she is either trying to figure out her market value and get couple compliments (chicks really love compiments) or is actually into dating, but just not you.
Sucks, I am sure. But like you said at least she had the decency to inform you about it.
Darling, enlighten me please, what is the "swipe" method?
I think people send nudes way too easily these days. Attaboy, when you didn't fall for it. I find it to be somewhat pathetic (no offence to the ones who do it though. I am just a bitter old hag).
(Also random cock photos on Xbox... what on earth is going through in those people's heads. "Oh, I will send her a cock pic, she will be totally wet and fall madly in love with me..." or what. Insanity.)
Keep us informed was she willing to see you and if so, how did it go!
Congratulations for the date! Be adorable beast and woo her.
Oh, and I kinda like the photos, but I am not sure about your smile. Even if it would truly be a legit smile, it doesn't really look like it. It looks more or less a smile that someone puts on when they know they need to get a photo taken and someone asks to smile for it. Hopefully I didn't sound too harsh.
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