Haha I think that's just how I smile in photos. I'll just randomly pick one then.
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Okcupid is not that bad. I already got a date!
- Thread starter AlimNassor
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Haha I think that's just how I smile in photos. I'll just randomly pick one then.
Hahah, ok. Sounds like a plan.
With all honesty I know I sometimes take like 50 photos and I am thinking between which one I like the most and my friend comes in the room and she thinks they are all the same.
I am sure any photo will work brilliantly well.
EatinOlives
Member
No worries, though I think I got karma'd on this.
Didn't talk to her after that, not even to say "thanks for letting me know". Struck up a conversation with another pretty good looking girl, but when I asked her out about 10 messages into the conversation she completely disappeared. Lol, what comes around goes around.
kame-sennin
Member
Ugh, can't get past the first date. I've been on a bunch of okcupid dates and they all go the same. We go to a bar, we have a good, funny conversation. No awkward silences, a lot of political talk in the beginning (I only message other radical leftists), and random small talk after that. After about two hours, my date says it's getting late, and we both go our separate ways. I'll text a few days later for a second date, and I'll either get ignored, get an excuse, or a flat out (polite) rejection. I thought I might be turning these women off in some way, but one of the women I recently dated made out with me. And yet, she seemed ambivalent about a second date. I texted her today and got no response.
Should I ask her if she's an archeologist?
Here's what someone pointed out to me a while back in this thread: any girl who is mildly attractive (hell, a lot of the ugly ones too) gets fucking inundated with messages. Think of it like a buffet. Sure, she may have tried you on her first trip up, and hell she may have even liked you somewhat, but there are so many other options for her to choose from, unless you were really fucking good she's probably going to try something else.
Either way I have figured out that a first date means fuck all in regards to future dates. Out of the handful of dates I've gone on since using the site, only one of them was an objectively awful "date", but only one resulted in seeing the girl more.
Basically, it's not that you're selling a bad product, but the market is fucking saturated. The only way to gain some sort of advantage (aside from being ridiculously attractive and/or rich) is through sheer numbers. If only 50% of the girls respond to your messages, and then only 50% of those result in dates, and only 25% of those result in a series of dates...you get where I'm going.
And another thing, because why not: don't get tunnel vision. I've fallen prey to this too many times, but just because you're actually having a conversation with a girl and it seems to be going well, keep talking to other women. What's worse than a date not panning out? A date not panning out and you have no other options.
Half of this post isn't really directed at you since you seem to be able to get dates, but I figured I'd post it.
I've got some messages going with this very attractive girl. This is the first time I'm considering not asking them out after five messages. She seems like the type of person that might want to get to know someone before meeting up. Guess I'll see if we can take it offline and move from there :/
You need to stop texting for the second date. Call.
I've used a-list before, the main benefit is being able to browse invisibly and still see your visitors. Knowing if they read your message is nice too.
Eighty Deuce
Banned
Gaf I need advice, I'm going through a divorce. My ex wife who has an okcupid profile keeps stalking my page of a daily basis and now random guys are checking me out from out of state a minute after she does. Long story short she was not faithful and I'm trying to move on, it's hard seeing her constantly keeping a tab on me and now random guys she probably knows stalking me. I'm a no bullshit type of person but there's a lot of raw emotion tied into this. What should I do?
kame-sennin
Member
You can block her on okcupid and I think you won't see her pop up anymore.
Thanks a lot, man. You're right that I did now some of that, but I think my narcissism was blinding me to the facts. I tend not to worry or even think about competition from other dudes, but it is still a reality that women can afford to be incredibly picky. As for the tunnel vision thing, I occasionally do this by accident. Most days, I'm too lazy to message new people (serious ladies, some of y'all have boring profiles), so when I start chatting with someone, I don't bother to search for more. This is why I'll constantly have two dates in a row followed by a dry spell.
Huh. This literally never occurred to me. Which is funny because I hate texting. I'll try it with the last woman I went out with. Why do you think it's more effective?
csquared587
Member
I like the top one, no reason jumps out to me though haha.
How do you guys usually approach response messages that are light in content? My initial message was just a comment on something she said on her profile followed by a question, and a silly one line joke comment about another aspect of her profile.
She responded, but just with a haha and no answer to my question. Profile makes mention of shy and it isn't heavily worded, I guess I should just push on a bit and see if she opens it up. She was a red bar for responses, so I guess I should just go with it haha.
Maddocks
Member
because calling is more personal, so it looks better because you are making an effort. Texting is fine if the thats the persons perfered method of communication. You could call and not ask for a 2nd date, but tell her you made plans to go someplace and you think she would enjoy it. Secret 2nd date!
I'm actually messaging a girl like that right now, very brief responses. I usually just treat it like normal and ask them out like I would anyone else. If they say no, they say no.
Because they are on the spot, have to make a decision right away, and they can hear the bass in your voice. It's much more personal. Anyone can weasel out of a text. By texting you are giving them the attention they want, and its so impersonal that they do not need to reciprocate. Not saying that calling will turn a no into a yes, but you're a lot more likely to get an actual answer - especially since you can pick up signs in their voice.
so, i just started a match and okcupid profile a week ago just to test the waters. I get quite a few "likes" on my pics and I can tell a lot of girls are generally interested. in the looks department I would say I'm roughly an 8/10 (as per the pics. IRL my weight fluctuates and I'm a little shorter than ideal, but that's beside the point I guess)
what I've come to realize is you're pretty much required, as a guy, to contact first. and I'm completely at a loss. I'm not a social retard but at the same time I don't really "date" -- most girlfriends i've had I've met through mutual friends so we didn't go do dinner first or anything. ... so my question is, what are some general "ice breakers"?
I don't want to ask a bunch of dumb questions, but I don't want to start with the general "hay, I like your profile and maybe we'd get along". I understand there may be no way around this, but if anybody has any general advice it'd be appreciated. It just seems like an insurmountable first step right now
what I've come to realize is you're pretty much required, as a guy, to contact first. and I'm completely at a loss. I'm not a social retard but at the same time I don't really "date" -- most girlfriends i've had I've met through mutual friends so we didn't go do dinner first or anything. ... so my question is, what are some general "ice breakers"?
I don't want to ask a bunch of dumb questions, but I don't want to start with the general "hay, I like your profile and maybe we'd get along". I understand there may be no way around this, but if anybody has any general advice it'd be appreciated. It just seems like an insurmountable first step right now
Maddocks
Member
It's best to read their profile then comment on something about it as the ice breaker, shows that you actually read her profile(unlike the other 45 guys who messaged her asking for sex) and if it ends with a question might give her a reason to actually answer back.
What are your first messages like? How long do the conversations go before they die out?
Usually something from their profile like quoting a show they mention or something so random they are legit shook and respond out of complete bewilderment lol. And usually If I get a response, it lasts for 1-3 msgs then silence.
So I know nowadays people are used to giving their facebook as a form of giving out a number. I had a good chat with a user online and she wanted to carry the conversation to fb. I'm still more comfy giving my number instead. Anyone ever gave their fb and regretted it? I just think it's weird to allow them to see all of my pics and what not right away.
Finding something relatable in their profile and message them about it, or gently rib them. A nice to and fro of banter is pretty much the ideal icebreaker. The first message I sent my girlfriend who I met on the site was making fun of her liking grapefruits, cuz I hate them with a passion. She then made fun of me putting ice trays under things I can't do without. Boom. Rapport made. The key thing is to not take the thing seriously at all. I found the less effort I put into a message the more likely I'd get a reply. Online dating is weird.
You shouldn't have to do it. Giving out your FB is definitely more invasive than giving out your number. There's usually ways to block out phone numbers if you really have to. An FB has your whole life on it, and someone you've never met will be able to see all that.
I do not have an FB and have never had to give it out (never been asked either)
Maddocks
Member
Yeah, never give out your facebook. If dating become more serious then you can hand it out. If you only use facebook for networking and don't share anything other then the occasional news story then you are ok to share it. But if you use it daily, then keep it close to the vest, because the person you add will go back to the very very beginning to read it all.
well I got my first message. she was really cute and asked how my week was going, that's all. I was like, yeah I'm on vacation right now, but wasting time on here instead lol. she had a lot of quirky pics so I said they were really cool.
she never got back to me. should've asked her a question. oh well, live and learn.
it was a very riveting experience
she never got back to me. should've asked her a question. oh well, live and learn.
it was a very riveting experience
Well guess I'll try something like this since getting visitors isn't a problem.
Yeah, always make sure there is a question in there. Makes it easier for them to reply and allows you to guide the conversation. For example:
You: So what parts of town do you like to hang out in on the weekends?
Her: I spend most of my time in Southtown. But I'm not a hipster, promise.
You: No shit, a new restaurant just opened up there. Let's check it out and grab a drink after.
Dorimukyasuto
Member
If a girl "likes" you, I guess by rating my profile high, does that mean I should message her? Is this like some subtle way of saying she wants me to message her?
I'm a noob at this. Oh and in her profile it says I need to send a corny joke. Anyone know a good corny joke?
I'm a noob at this. Oh and in her profile it says I need to send a corny joke. Anyone know a good corny joke?
TangerineCloud
Banned
Yes. I wouldn't really call it "subtle", but yes. lol
FAKE EDIT: Well, you should message her if you want to. It's no use messaging girls who've liked you if you don't feel the same way. Scope out their profiles. If you like what you see, go for it.
Dorimukyasuto
Member
she's not bad from her profile. her pic is only a close up of her face. but hey I'll go for it then.
I need a corny joke to put in the message though.
Honestly, if she "liked" you and if she only has face pics, she's probably a whale. I wouldn't bother.
TangerineCloud
Banned
shrug
Idk, dude. I'm terrible at jokes. Is there anything on her profile you can make a lame joke about? Preferably something like a TV show or a hobby; something inoffensive.
stn
Member
@Dorimukatyuso
My personal opinion is message her however you want to. She says there must be a joke in her message received? Who cares. As long as your message is polite and respectful, who cares what you send. You send what you WANT to send. If it were me I'd send her a message poking fun that she's too shy to message you (granted, I tend to be really unattached to outcomes sometimes so I don't recommend this).
People who put demands on their profile are only trying to seem important as a way to compensate for the fact that they're online dating. Really, it just shows that they're insecure about dating online. So, message what you want. If she doesn't reply, who cares. Online dating is pretty hectic, as you may find out given that you just started.
Good luck!
My personal opinion is message her however you want to. She says there must be a joke in her message received? Who cares. As long as your message is polite and respectful, who cares what you send. You send what you WANT to send. If it were me I'd send her a message poking fun that she's too shy to message you (granted, I tend to be really unattached to outcomes sometimes so I don't recommend this).
People who put demands on their profile are only trying to seem important as a way to compensate for the fact that they're online dating. Really, it just shows that they're insecure about dating online. So, message what you want. If she doesn't reply, who cares. Online dating is pretty hectic, as you may find out given that you just started.
Good luck!
NoctisVsStar
Member
guys so i created an account out of curiosity so far i got about 11 views not bad per se. i'm probably gonna hold off til tue to hit someone up randomly. So Random question gaf is the promote me feature free? i've used it once and no payment information appeared?
I don't necessarily get creative after the opener. I usually jump into stuff like what do you do for work, hobbies, favorite places to hit up around town, etc. Works for me once I get that initial response. By the time I get to favorite places in town it's around when I get a number and ask them out.
Ahh. Yeah I usually go with something in their profile and try not to come off as just interviewing or something that seems dull. Right now I either get a good convo that leads nowhere or I get 1 response and silence after my 2nd response. Feel like I may have gotten the opener and profile right. Just need to work closing the deal and getting somewhere.
TangerineCloud
Banned
I've been talking to a girl for a while, told her from the outset that I was interested beyond friends and she acknowledged it. Today she texts me out of the blue with "I won't back away, you're so sweet. I want to know more about you and your past", and a few minutes later "oops sorry, wrong person"
Seems that's my big queue to not pursue. At least we can be friends? I'm going to tell her straight up that it's strictly platonic from now on if she's interested in someone already.
Seems that's my big queue to not pursue. At least we can be friends? I'm going to tell her straight up that it's strictly platonic from now on if she's interested in someone already.
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