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Okcupid is not that bad. I already got a date!
- Thread starter AlimNassor
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We're all trying to find love and get laid, exchanging tips, grieving about girls not responding back, sharing okc success stories, etc. Surprised it isn't more pages.Why is this thread 48 pages?What's going on?
It's generally a good time.
So it's competing with dating-age thenWe're all trying to find love and get laid, exchanging tips, grieving about girls not responding back, sharing okc success stories, etc. Surprised it isn't more pages.
It's generally a good time.
I have some reading to do!
Zomba13
Member
Got a message today from someone I messaged ages ago when I reactivated my account. It was a basic message saying how we had a good match % and asking how she was and what movies she was into (because she said she loves movies).
She said her favourites are any Adam Sandler movie and Twilight and didn't know what the match % was (even though it shows up in messages). She also isn't really my type in the looks department and took ages to message back and seems to have horrible taste in films. I don't think I'll even bother messaging her back even though we apparently have a good match %. Things are going well with another girl anyway so no loss
She said her favourites are any Adam Sandler movie and Twilight and didn't know what the match % was (even though it shows up in messages). She also isn't really my type in the looks department and took ages to message back and seems to have horrible taste in films. I don't think I'll even bother messaging her back even though we apparently have a good match %. Things are going well with another girl anyway so no loss
NotTheGuyYouKill
Member
So it's competing with dating-age then
Dating-Age is still the king.
Move on, bro. I agree with the above.
The Bad: You may have blown a golden opportunity, bro. You actually "know" this girl's personality and you could have presented yourself in the way most ideally suited to attract her interest. You know she's a public figure...just don't come off as a creepy stalker guy....yeah, you did that.
The Good: She actually wrote you back to tell you she was weirded out, so there is still some hope. I'd take a shot at doing what that other guy said at least. throw some humor in there.
I think it's still fixable.
ElectricThunder
Member
Girl from last time pulled the classic "disappear/flake off" not long after the first date---as annoying at that stage as it is when they piss off in a cloud of smoke before even getting that far, maybe even moreso.
Yet here I stand with a date with a different girl currently set for next week---guess we'll see how it goes this time. This one wants to walk around a park after/before/something in sequence with grabbing a frozen yoghurt or some such. I suppose this is record time in the sense that I'd only had the first convo of any length this evening and only did the basic message back and forth the past couple days----she was game for this weekend but had seemingly legit prior plans made.
I think I'll try a slim-no tolerance policy this time around as far as ambiguous answers to key/basic questions go just to see what happens...not in the mood for any further "let me check my schedule" instead of "yeah, let me check my schedule" or the elusive "Nah, I don't think so".
Yet here I stand with a date with a different girl currently set for next week---guess we'll see how it goes this time. This one wants to walk around a park after/before/something in sequence with grabbing a frozen yoghurt or some such. I suppose this is record time in the sense that I'd only had the first convo of any length this evening and only did the basic message back and forth the past couple days----she was game for this weekend but had seemingly legit prior plans made.
I think I'll try a slim-no tolerance policy this time around as far as ambiguous answers to key/basic questions go just to see what happens...not in the mood for any further "let me check my schedule" instead of "yeah, let me check my schedule" or the elusive "Nah, I don't think so".
HP_Wuvcraft
Banned
fix't for internet.
That specific, huh. lol, just send it whenever man. I don't believe in karma or whatever but I feel like for some reason every time I send a message or comment/reply/post etc when thinking too hard about it, it goes badly. Like people can sense it was monotonously prepared... That's just me. Send it whenever, if the crux of her responding or getting to you is based on her mood or time of the day then then it's already over/worthless..
Unless you let her abuse you for drinks and a fancy dinner, I see no reason for you to be pissed off at her for this. You had a date, sparks didn't fly, she freed you up to find the next girl. What's the problem here? This is the second best outcome.
Too true!
ElectricThunder
Member
Uh, the aspect where all up to that point had went quite well with a second date seeming pretty well a lock? "Call me Sunday when I know what my hours will be!" became "left a message and never heard a thing back". I'll never understand people who complain about flaking or any other musing during the course of a date, then do it themselves straight away afterwards, nor any other situation where you pull a 180 without any sort of justification when a simple few words would suffice when it will leave somebody hanging.
Obviously it is nice to "weed out" people that pull this sort of feigned interest sooner than later, as I didn't get clipped too badly on the meal in the grand scheme of things(If anything, it was a place I'd not been in awhile that had apparently lost their damn minds on prices, so now I know to avoid them outright_---this time was not as soon as I was "used to".
So yeah, practically, better for people to embrace their flake tendencies early on before money enters into it and it is just online bullshitting as a lame time waster hobby.
RedAssedApe
Banned
After the first date isn't too bad. At least you weren't invested yet. Guys kind of pull the same garbage all the time when we tell a girl we'll call even though we aren't going to. ::shrugs::
Zomba13
Member
I decided to give the dating site game another go recently. Generally my luck has been pretty shitty on them, but I always get the idea that "maybe this time will be different?".
The girls in my area tend to be plain and/or uninteresting. I always seem to meet interesting girls who live in Vancouver or elsewhere on the mainland, or even down in Seattle (no doubt due to the higher population), but since I don't live in those places it's kind of frustrating.
Even if I don't develop a relationship, right now I just want to find someone who can make living in this dull city a little more interesting.
The girls in my area tend to be plain and/or uninteresting. I always seem to meet interesting girls who live in Vancouver or elsewhere on the mainland, or even down in Seattle (no doubt due to the higher population), but since I don't live in those places it's kind of frustrating.
Even if I don't develop a relationship, right now I just want to find someone who can make living in this dull city a little more interesting.
TheKaeptain
Banned
My cousin (who is also gay and in LA) feels the same way you do.
Good to know. It's frustrating.
grap3fruitman
Banned
I actually found someone that I share some interests and made a great, funny reference in my message but got no reply. She looked at my profile but that's it. I'm sad. I'm going to die alone Gaf.
velvet_nitemare
Member
The girls that i like and send messages aren't interested in me, and the ones that like me and send me messages hold no interest for me. And my standards aren't ridiculously high or anything like that. Annoying.
Someone i know just got engaged with a girl he met on eHarmony. Thinking of trying that.
Someone i know just got engaged with a girl he met on eHarmony. Thinking of trying that.
TheKaeptain
Banned
It's probably like trying to find a decent date in Fresno... ugh.
I met my current GF through eHarmony.
I'll do something I shouldn't, but
DO NOT WASTE YOUR MONEY ON EHARMONY.
I got insanely lucky with it. It is as bad as all the other sites, as in it's very highly skewed towards men. There's a shitton more men than women.
What's worse is this:
1- You need to pay to talk to people. If you don't pay, you can't talk. Because they do a few free communication weekends a year, there's a lot of people who sign up and are active for 2 days, then leave forever. This leads to a SHIT TON of empty matches. I did an experiment when I was on vacation: I sent a message to every match I got every day. I also did the same on my OK Cupid account. The results? No answers in two weeks on eHarmony. On OK Cupid, I have an average of 2 messages per day.
2- You think women have high standards on OK Cupid? Get ready for eHarmony Standards, where it can't be higher! Why? It's simple. People are paying for QUALITY, not QUANTITY; since it's verrry expensive, people tend to be a LOT more selective. As in, if normally, someone would consider you're a 3, you'll think you're a 9. Seriously. It's *that* bad.
3- The stream of boring professional women will haunt you forever. I got so many matches from women who "Love cooking, traveling and the gym!" that it scarred me for life. At least places like OK Cupid have more "regular" people, that are a lot more genuine.
4- The women you *do* meet will more often than not be thoroughly insane. As I said, I got super lucky, but I met 3 women. Of these 3, only my gf is not insane. One was 37, and said, on the second date, that she had this crazy requirement: she needed to have an even amount of kids by the time she was 40, because "if you have an odd amount of kids, one of them's always gonna be bored". Do the math - she's 37. (I'm 33, btw). That's one sampling of shit.
Seriously, it's bad. They lure guys in because of "We only give you quality matches", which resonates to "The women won't be spammed to death with messages, so I have a better shot", but in fact, they are *still* spammed to death with messages. My GF told me that every single match she got sent her a message. EVERY SINGLE ONE. Then when she didn't answer, they'd try again and again and again. Every day. It's as bad as OK Cupid, except you're bleeding money.
No. You're better off being on OKCupid and paying for their vip access or whatever, as those features are actually useful.
velvet_nitemare
Member
Thanks for the advise TimeKillr.
Lone_Prodigy
Member
You need extremely thick skin to do online dating (if you're a guy). You also need to toss your expectations out the window. Go in with the belief that every conversation you have could die off at any moment, she won't show up for your date, and that contact could abruptly cut off overnight.
It's a game of numbers, and women have all the cards. That's why you need to cut out all the BS and get straight to the point. If you detect interest, go in like a shark smelling blood. Unfortunately you'd have to fight with 100 other sharks going after the same thing, and the blood could just be bait from a fisherman looking to cut your fins off, but them's the risks.
P.S. Meet women in real life. It's a lot more pleasant.
It's a game of numbers, and women have all the cards. That's why you need to cut out all the BS and get straight to the point. If you detect interest, go in like a shark smelling blood. Unfortunately you'd have to fight with 100 other sharks going after the same thing, and the blood could just be bait from a fisherman looking to cut your fins off, but them's the risks.
P.S. Meet women in real life. It's a lot more pleasant.
RedAssedApe
Banned
What exactly do you get that is worth paying for? Seems like all of the basic functions are already there for free.
TheKaeptain
Banned
I've said this before but all I want on these sites is a no fat chicks button.
soul creator
Member
In the match search, I assume you can type in a city and a radius in the "X miles of me" field.
And the "Body type" field is a premium/A-list option apparently.
Yeah, when I paid it was still 5$ a month, which is a complete steal for what it offers.
Not looking like a stalker is by FAR the best feature.
velvet_nitemare
Member
I've learnt that "Average body" and "A few extra pounds" have very loose and sometimes very different meanings from what i assumed.
One of the things you have to remember is that the average woman receives probably 50 times the amount of messages that the average guy receives. Whenever you see someone who's attractive and has a few things in common with you, then send them a message and just assume they won't reply back. It's safer that way. Women have their pick of the litter when it comes to dating sites and unless you're a complete stud (or insanely funny), you get used to being ignored. That's not just OKC, that's every dating site out there man.
CreativeWriter
Member
I am wearing a NeoGAF shirt while sitting next to my girlfriend I found on OKCupid. Yeah.
Man dating sites require so much work. Real life aint much better either. I told my friend we should get an ipad, 3g access and bluetooth keyboards and do online dating as well as talk to girls on the street to maximise our chances.
That's being very conservative. I might get 1 message out of the blue a month, two if i am lucky. Girls may get 500 a day
That's being very conservative. I might get 1 message out of the blue a month, two if i am lucky. Girls may get 500 a day
Deadly Cyclone
Pride of Iowa State
You're lucky. I can't even get anyone to reply back. As the friends left here in town don't do the social scene a lot, dating sites seem to be my main option unless I want to be the creepy 26 year old hanging out at the college bars alone.
velvet_nitemare
Member
Some girl i didn't like sent me a message. After exchanging pleasantries, she asked if i wanted to get to know her. Not wanting to completely blow her off i said "Sure. I'm always down to make new friends ".
Somehow this was offensive? Apparently, i was wasting her time?
Should i just be like girls, check out someones's profile and not respond?
".Somehow this was offensive? Apparently, i was wasting her time?
Should i just be like girls, check out someones's profile and not respond?
Some girl i didn't like sent me a message. After exchanging pleasantries, she asked if i wanted to get to know her. Not wanting to completely blow her off i said "Sure. I'm always down to make new friends
Somehow this was offensive? Apparently, i was wasting her time?
Should i just be like girls, check out someones's profile and not respond?
just say you're not interested off the bat, otherwise you are wasting her time
D
Deleted member 22576
Unconfirmed Member
I haven't updated my profile since I made one initially. I'm too lazy to use this site. I've met a few girls for coffee dates, but no second dates. Now I pretty much just get a random message once a week or so from someone and its usually just a girl saying "hey :]" or something. I kind of want to delete my profile but also it seems like if I could just take the time to update it and add some new pictures then it would be worth keeping around. idk. I feel like I've learned something about myself and my own unwillingness to meet people, I've cancelled/flaked on girls more times than I have been flaked on. Its like, it all sounds well and good but when it finally comes down to that moment of going to meet you're kinda just like "ehhhhhhhhhhh." Its hard.
velvet_nitemare
Member
I get that it's online dating, but i was just being civil. That's how i am as a person in general. I'll keep that in mind though.
Liu Kang Baking A Pie
Member
Yes.
New people and sensitive people get hurt over shit like that, but the reality is that doing that is way nicer than any other option.
velvet_nitemare
Member
Well consider me schooled. Cheers.
I am having a good time brwosing OkCupid for the first time but...
those supposed "95% a match" and such, it's ridiculous... it's so wrong and false.
just at the very question "would you have an open relationship?" I have a YES, they have a NO, lol, it's over right there.
those supposed "95% a match" and such, it's ridiculous... it's so wrong and false.
just at the very question "would you have an open relationship?" I have a YES, they have a NO, lol, it's over right there.
Did you rate that question as being a dealbreaker? You can.
CreativeWriter
Member
You're lucky. I can't even get anyone to reply back. As the friends left here in town don't do the social scene a lot, dating sites seem to be my main option unless I want to be the creepy 26 year old hanging out at the college bars alone.
Well, I'm not too lucky. Was married. Wife left me. This is a bit of karmic balance in my life (finally). I tried OKC for about a year with no luck at all. I sent messages to all the pretty girls, got nothing in reply. But the ugly girls? They seemed to love me. Plenty of messages from those. Finally, out of the blue, my GF messaged me, wanting to talk about Quantum Physics. I was her highest match percentage within a hundred miles. She lives a couple hours away, so I wasn't even getting her in my local matches. Was wary about traveling to meet someone, but I took a chance. Here we are, three months in. Success story, I guess. So maybe 1) stick to it and 2) widen your search/be open to driving somewhere for a first date? Best of luck, mate.
I'm 30, BTW, a professor in a college town. I know EXACTLY what you mean about hanging out at the college bars.
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