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[Puckmarin]

Love the wedding picture Puckmarin.

Thanks. Here's another one and a bit more detail on the whole wedding.

- We weren't even dating at the time we got married. She was still dating the other dude although the writing was on the wall that their relationship was over. She just felt like she had to exhaust all possibilities there in order to fully move on.

- She will tell you that she had been thinking about marrying me for about a month before it happened. In fact, she evidently had a conversation with a work friend about how she was going to marry me 3 in early December.

- I own my own business and we had a running joke about how I was going to have to get married for tax purposes and it was either going to be her or a Russian bride. The Tuesday before Christmas we were talking on the phone and as she was hanging up she said something like "One day really soon we're going to have to talk about how serious you are about this whole marriage thing." I was floored. She hung up the phone and wouldn't pick up when I called back.

- The next day we had a very odd IM conversation (she was at work) in which she let it be known she was very serious but I couldn't ask her anything via IM or phone. I let it be known that she needed to break up with the dude before I asked her anything. She did that night.

It's important to note that while we were broken up we talked everyday in some form (phone, IM, or text) and we'd hang out on occasion but everything was totally on the up and up. No one cheated on anyone else.

- We proposed to each other over a basket of sweet potato fries at our favorite restaurant in Baltimore and then went to play pub trivia. The next day (two days before Christmas) we went ring shopping.

- She met my family for the first time on Christmas day. I let my parents know that we'd be having a guest for Christmas dinner but couldn't tell them I was engaged over the phone. I arrived at their place late on Christmas Eve and so I didn't get to tell them until Christmas morning. They were shocked but took it all in stride. However, my mom did drink A LOT of wine with dinner.

I met her parents the day before we got married. We had to drive up to Michigan for that. When we were dating over the summer she told her mom about me but not her dad (they aren't super close) so he found out about me and the fact that we were engaged in the same conversation. Our wedding did prompt him to propose to his girlfriend (who is younger than my wife).

- My favorite part about the ceremony (which happened in MI because of timing) was that everyone was in jeans, except for her dad. He wore a suit and looked totally out of place.

- After getting married we went to Red Lobster and then grocery shopping. Hey, it's rural MI. Not a lot to do.

- We didn't tell anyone but our families we were getting married and announced it to everyone else via Facebook. We got a lot of "WTF" replies to those postings. One of my friends now calls me honey badger because of it. I asked him why and he said "Because you just don't give a sh*t"

- I left work on the Thursday before Christmas totally single but everyone knew that I had spent the last three months pining over my future wife. I returned a week later married. Everyone was shocked and then they thew us a HUGE engagement party after the fact.

- We put in a contact on a house less than a month after getting married. When we decide to do something we just do it, I guess.

 

[tearsofash]

Good luck to the rest of you as well.

I don't know if this tip has been covered or not, but it seems like I got a lot more visitors after I uploaded the x amount of photos for "completing your profile." It also seems to help to answer a quiz question once a day so you stay fresh on people's feeds.

 

[OriginofHysteria]

If you ask, word it correctly then. I haven't been not texted back yet when I left mine though.

"hey I gotta head out, want me to text you instead?"

If she says yes and gives it to you, then there you go.

Usually I pull the whole "Yeah I'm not on here as much during the week so would texting possibly be easier for you?" thing. I mean that statement is complete bullshit but it does work haha.

 

[Puckmarin]

Usually I pull the whole "Yeah I'm not on here as much during the week so would texting possibly be easier for you?" thing. I mean that statement is complete bullshit but it does work haha.

Seriously, just be up front about it.

Here's my number, give me a call or text sometime.

It works. It's what I did. We ended up texting and playing Words with Friends for a couple of days before our first date.

 

[Ashodin]

Just messaged a fuck ton more girls tonight with that "search through each age range" trick you guys posted. Nice job on that one!

 

[zlatko]

Just messaged a fuck ton more girls tonight with that "search through each age range" trick you guys posted. Nice job on that one!

Yup helped me out a ton when all I kept seeing was the same results.

 

[PG2G]

I really hate online dating small talk. Why does it feel so much more natural in person :/

 

[commedieu]

Seriously, just be up front about it.

Here's my number, give me a call or text sometime.

It works. It's what I did. We ended up texting and playing Words with Friends for a couple of days before our first date.

Hey. I'm happy for you two! Nothing like love.

Thanks for the online dating information. I will try Puckmarins school of online dating tonight.

I'm good on foot, but online dating is way hit or miss. But I do not do the numbers game.

 

[zlatko]

I really hate online dating small talk. Why does it feel so much more natural in person :/

It is what it is. That's why you have to do your best to take it from that shitty small talk, to texting small talk, to meet up sort of in a speedy motion, but not so fast you turn her off entirely.

Trying to break this stuff down to a science or methodology sucks too, but there are certain things that clearly do work. I just try to do my best to be myself and enjoy the conversations/small talk in hopes it turns out she is a cool lady that might be worth dating.

 

[Puckmarin]

Hey. I'm happy for you two! Nothing like love.

Thanks for the online dating information. I will try Puckmarins school of online dating tonight.

I'm good on foot, but online dating is way hit or miss. But I do not do the numbers game.

I feel weird talking about it as a numbers game and my wife gets all "So, I was just a number" when I give friends online dating advice but it really is a numbers game.

Think of it this way, if you're meeting people in bars it would stand to reason that the more you go to bars the better the chance you have of meeting someone. On the internet it's all about contacting people so the more people you contact the better chance you have at getting a date.

I'm not saying to contact people you aren't attracted to. That's not the way to do it. Just contact as many people as possible and then weed through the responses. That's also why using the quickmatch feature is helpful. You end up with some idea of mutual attraction. My wife and I first found each other that way. I rated her 4/5 stars (I better say 5 in case she reads this) and she did the same. From there we emailed twice, then text, then meeting...

Also keep in mind that it seems like women on the site are a lot less likely to send the first email. Probably because most get several a week if not several a day.

 

[Old Lace]

Just messaged a fuck ton more girls tonight with that "search through each age range" trick you guys posted. Nice job on that one!

What trick are you talking about?

 

[PG2G]

It is what it is. That's why you have to do your best to take it from that shitty small talk, to texting small talk, to meet up sort of in a speedy motion, but not so fast you turn her off entirely.

Good advice. I'm pretty new to this, just filled things out Sunday (though I've had an account forever). I can tell it'll be a learning experience for a while.

 

[Al-ibn Kermit]

What trick are you talking about?

I think zlatko mentioned it. You reduce your search preferences to 19-19, then 20-20, and so on through whatever ages you consider okay. This gives you people who are very similar, even if there is a bit of an age gap. I guess it widens the net and drains the pool.

There's something that feels creepy about it but I'm going to try it out.

 

[Fëanor]

How far are you guys willing to drive to meet up with a girl? My limit 50 miles and I'm not 100% sure on that.

 

[commedieu]

Holy fuck. Puckmarin was right... the whole rating people thing really works.. I did a good number of ratings whilst playin some bf3. But a lot of good responses/messages back.

In puckmarin i trust...online dating jedi. Jesus.

 

[tearsofash]

Date tonight went pretty well. We caught up and had Applebee's. Went to my place later and had beer. We made out quite a bit. It was a nice change of pace from the usual. Less pressure. I kind of needed a low pressure environment tonight anyway.

 

[Canis lupus]

If you get REALLY lucky, you may even get a random guy on there to message you to want to give you oral sex. Someone here on GAF said all their stuff is set to guy seeking ladies, and still got hit on by a dude offering a blow jay.

Lucky GAF sure is lucky.

Edit: One of the reasons I even made an OKC was reading over some of the hilarious pictures on the funny pics thread from OKC, where people make troll ass accounts to say stupid shit. I was hoping someone would troll me...turns out I'm now going on dates with chicks. So it worked out even better than I had hoped.

Lol that must suck for that guy I'm happy for you man, hope I dont get trolled.

 

[tearsofash]

Hey guys, when you rate somebody and you get an automated message on behalf of OKcupid - do they know that its been sent? I freaked out on the first one and just sent "huh?" as reply. Silly, silly.

 

[Ashodin]

Date tonight went pretty well. We caught up and had Applebee's. Went to my place later and had beer. We made out quite a bit. It was a nice change of pace from the usual. Less pressure. I kind of needed a low pressure environment tonight anyway.

Nice man.

One of the ones I messaged ages ago messaged me tonight. Turns out she's a fucking awesome homebody like me, and loves video games and watching movies and everything. And she's also a sex fiend. WUT?

Messaging her back and she's totally interested.

 

[DrBo42]

*brofist*

 

[Puckmarin]

Holy fuck. Puckmarin was right... the whole rating people thing really works.. I did a good number of ratings whilst playin some bf3. But a lot of good responses/messages back.

In puckmarin i trust...online dating jedi. Jesus.

I met my wife on OKCupid. The least I can do it pass my knowledge on to everyone else.

I'm glad it's starting to work for you.

 

[Darklord]

I've seen this three times now and confuses the hell out of me. Their profile says they're Bi but the first thing they write is "I'm queer, not bi". What? So you're bi but not bi? And what's queer to a woman? Gay? Why don't they put their profile as gay then? It makes no sense!

 

[zlatko]

I've seen this three times now and confuses the hell out of me. Their profile says they're Bi but the first thing they write is "I'm queer, not bi". What? So you're bi but not bi? And what's queer to a woman? Gay? Why don't they put their profile as gay then? It makes no sense!

I avoid the bi ladies to contact. It's one thing to have to watch other duders to make sure they aren't potentially going to try to snatch her up, but ladies too? I mean shit I'll trust ladies I'm with with guy friends, but how do I really know their lady friends are just "friends" when they are bi lol.

 

[Darklord]

I avoid the bi ladies to contact. It's one thing to have to watch other duders to make sure they aren't potentially going to try to snatch her up, but ladies too? I mean shit I'll trust ladies I'm with with guy friends, but how do I really know their lady friends are just "friends" when they are bi lol.

Avoid bi ladies? I might as well avoid OKC then. I'd say half are bi. And anyway if they hook up with their lady friends...have at it! Just let me join in too.

 

[GameplayWhore]

I've seen this three times now and confuses the hell out of me. Their profile says they're Bi but the first thing they write is "I'm queer, not bi". What? So you're bi but not bi? And what's queer to a woman? Gay? Why don't they put their profile as gay then? It makes no sense!

Queer doesn't mean gay. Queer is an umbrella term that usually and somewhat vaguely means "not heterosexual". The term "I'm queer, not bi" doesn't actually make much in the way of helpful sense, as it's analogous to saying "I'm a scientist, not a physicist" when both happen to be the case. Generally, my friends who use the term to describe themselves are just a bit more into their sexuality from a cultural standpoint; they're not just somebody who can be sexually attracted to both sexes; they're somebody who is part of a community that can be sexually attracted to both sexes.


Oh, I just jumped in a few days ago for kicks. Found a former practitioner of aerial silks and similar arts who recently went through grad school and is now picking up surfing while teaching people various acrobatic skills here and there. She seems to really like builder types (I mentioned that I play with wood*, and her reaction was "be still my geeky heart"), and we're going to find something cool to do on Friday.


* pun mostly unintended here

 

[Puckmarin]

Avoid bi ladies? I might as well avoid OKC then. I'd say half are bi. And anyway if they hook up with their lady friends...have at it! Just let me join in too.

As my wife (who has had flings with the ladies while in college) says "I love women. They are beautiful but they are way too much damn trouble."

Words of wisdom.

She also says "I love women but I love c**k more" but that's a story for a different day.

Moral of the story is, don't be afraid to date a bi lady. Monogamy is what you're after.

 

[Darklord]

Moral of the story is, don't be afraid to date a bi lady. Monogamy is what you're after.

Oh, I'm not. I have no issue with dating a bi girl. Though honestly, I'd be curious to see what dating a bi girl who also had a girlfriend was like. I wouldn't expect a long term thing but it would be interesting. Not that that's likely, hell, I'm just trying to get any date at the moment.

 

[zlatko]

Oh, I'm not. I have no issue with dating a bi girl. Though honestly, I'd be curious to see what dating a bi girl who also had a girlfriend was like. I wouldn't expect a long term thing but it would be interesting. Not that that's likely, hell, I'm just trying to get any date at the moment.

Darklord scheming a 3 way. You old sailor you!

 

[Puckmarin]

Darklord scheming a 3 way. You old sailor you!

Yeah, every dude who dates a bi girl instantly thinks "threeway" don't even try to deny it. You know it's true.

Then you start dating the girl and jealousy kicks in

 

[zlatko]

Yeah, every dude who dates a bi girl instantly thinks "threeway" don't even try to deny it. You know it's true.

Then you start dating the girl and jealousy kicks in

*raises hand* I confess that's what I think of when it comes to bi girls too. Just comes with the territory I guess.

 

[GameplayWhore]

Yeah, every dude who dates a bi girl instantly thinks "threeway" don't even try to deny it. You know it's true.

Then you start dating the girl and jealousy kicks in

But you can choose to simply not be jealous. That's what I do. It didn't even occur to me to check that this particular girl is bisexual. As long as she returns in the search as "girls who like guys", then I'm part of her target audience. So I win. And so will you.

 

[zlatko]

So semi-update.

Girl #1 I'm still talking to, but since the last time I asked her out was last weekend and she said she was busy, plus the other stuff with another dude, I've just made it so I chat with her and wait to see if she asks me what I'm up to, in order to set up a second date. Which, being realistic, I don't think is going to happen.

Girl #2 I was to have a date with tonight, but a valid reasoning came up and her being apologetic about it seemed sincere. She had a birthday party for familia to attend and her facebook shows that to be the case too, so we're going to rain check. Still frequently texting, but when I asked when she'd like to reschedule she had no idea. Sort of off putting, because you'd think you'd want to set it up ASAP. Letting it pan out, I figure later tonight or tomorrow I'll ask again to see when we should do the date, and from there we'll see if I should invest anymore time or not.

Girl #3 Haha. Pretty sure I botched it. Not at all worried since once she did add me on fbook I saw she was a bit chunky. I definitely would've still gone on a date and seen if we click either way, but she must have taken my less responsiveness the other day as blowing her off or something. Oh wells, nothing lost nothing gained here.

Messaging other chicks back and forth still on the site, but it seems all doors are open for girl #2 who I'm the most attracted to and click with anyway. Playing it cool for now, but like others mentioned the more you wait till you actually meet, the worse of it really is.

Is there a good cut off date? Like if by Saturday if we don't hang out, should I just say screw it?

 

[Ashodin]

*raises hand* I confess that's what I think of when it comes to bi girls too. Just comes with the territory I guess.

Straight UP. That's how I feel.

Dudes. I just got five girls messaging me now out of nowhere.

Girl 1: Just kind of friends right now...(think she's playing hard to get)

Girl 2: 21 yo, starting to fall for me, I think, we've talked now, and messaged.

Girl 3: Wants to talk face to face, can relate easier, this is the homebody girl

Girl 4: Random new girl who wants to hang out, has a lot of time on her hands today.

Girl 5: New girl that just messaged me last night, really really booksmart and intelligent.


Girl 1 messages me randomly, Girl 2 is in constant contact, Girl 4 wants me there today (I... think I may get laid), Girl 3 I'm waiting on a message from her, I really want to hang out with this one the most, and Girl 5 hasn't messaged me since I messaged her last night.

Shit be CRAZY!

Is there a good cut off date? Like if by Saturday if we don't hang out, should I just say screw it?

Yeah man Saturday might even be too long. I was about ready to write off Girl #3 until she messaged me last night son. (I messaged her a couple days ago.)

 

[zlatko]

Saturday may even be too long? Well shit. Hopefully our schedules sync up during the week. We both work and have school, so it can be a little hard, so we'll see.

Otherwise, back to 5 knuckle shuffles and messaging strangers. ; ;

 

[Ashodin]

Saturday may even be too long? Well shit. Hopefully our schedules sync up during the week. We both work and have school, so it can be a little hard, so we'll see.

Otherwise, back to 5 knuckle shuffles and messaging strangers. ; ;

I dunno man, rethinking it since you really have a pull for Girl #2, waiting might be the real key here, she might be testing your will to wait for the good stuff.

 

[zlatko]

I dunno man, rethinking it since you really have a pull for Girl #2, waiting might be the real key here, she might be testing your will to wait for the good stuff.

I suck at patience and playing it cool. Like today she is supposed to text me but hasn't yet, and I was going to at noon to her, but said no fuck this I will not be a big eyed puppy dog.

 

[Ashodin]

I suck at patience and playing it cool. Like today she is supposed to text me but hasn't yet, and I was going to at noon to her, but said no fuck this I will not be a big eyed puppy dog.

"Today" means the entire day man. I sometimes forget that while I have a lot of time on my hands, some women have a lot of shit to do every day (errands, helping friends, etc) before settling down on a computer for a hot second to send a reply.

The trick is fitting into the life of the one you're interested in, and if she really enjoys it, she will make more time for you.

 

[zlatko]

"Today" means the entire day man. I sometimes forget that while I have a lot of time on my hands, some women have a lot of shit to do every day (errands, helping friends, etc) before settling down on a computer for a hot second to send a reply.

The trick is fitting into the life of the one you're interested in, and if she really enjoys it, she will make more time for you.

Yeah, we're texting though, so no need to sit in front of a compooper.

And that's just one of my shittier qualities in the pre dating times with women. I'm a worry wart. I've gotten way better that I don't act on it anymore, but it still does bug me. At least I have this thread to do a little "venting" of sorts so I don't botch it up.

Either way she texted me here just a bit ago after work, so it's all good in the hood.

 

[Ashodin]

Yeah, we're texting though, so no need to sit in front of a compooper.

And that's just one of my shittier qualities in the pre dating times with women. I'm a worry wart. I've gotten way better that I don't act on it anymore, but it still does bug me. At least I have this thread to do a little "venting" of sorts so I don't botch it up.

Either way she texted me here just a bit ago after work, so it's all good in the hood.

See that's what's up man. Yeah I just got a reply from Girl #3, she can't meet up today, fuck.

Guess I'm meeting Girl #4, that is going to be fun before work. Haaaa.

And now I have a Girl #6? THE FUCK?

Girl #2 I'm getting closer and closer to, she really appreciates that I support her.

 

[zlatko]

See that's what's up man. Yeah I just got a reply from Girl #3, she can't meet up today, fuck.

Guess I'm meeting Girl #4, that is going to be fun before work. Haaaa.

And now I have a Girl #6? THE FUCK?

Girl #2 I'm getting closer and closer to, she really appreciates that I support her.

It will all come crashing down when you learn she has a penis.

 

[Ashodin]

It will all come crashing down when you learn she has a penis.

Holy shit man no way, I've seen her entire body and this is all girl here, she's not a man baby™

OH SHIT, Girl #6 just asked if I'm working tonight. I think she is going to try to show up while I work. fuuuuu

zlatko, do you have your own notes on each girl? It helps to do that to avoid looking at profiles over and over. I have some funny ass notes on there, hahaha.

 

[zlatko]

Holy shit man no way, I've seen her entire body and this is all girl here, she's not a man baby™

OH SHIT, Girl #6 just asked if I'm working tonight. I think she is going to try to show up while I work. fuuuuu

zlatko, do you have your own notes on each girl? It helps to do that to avoid looking at profiles over and over. I have some funny ass notes on there, hahaha.

I have insanely good memory lol. If I read a profile once/twice I retain most of the info.

Girl 6 will get you fired. Game over man!

 

[Ashodin]

I have insanely good memory lol. If I read a profile once/twice I retain most of the info.

Girl 6 will get you fired. Game over man!

Nah false alarm. I also didn't let out where I work, at least I don't think so...

 

[Walsh]

I did adultfriendfinder when I was younger and while it did get me a much needed lay a few times, the caliber of girl was extremely low or I had to settle for a guy who wanted to pleasure me and expect nothing in return.

Are girls on okcupid actually decent looking?

 

[Ashodin]

I did adultfriendfinder when I was younger and while it did get me a much needed lay a few times, the caliber of girl was extremely low or I had to settle for a guy who wanted to pleasure me and expect nothing in return.

Are girls on okcupid actually decent looking?

The ones near me definitely are.

 

[Shanks]

How do you guys generally go about asking for numbers? I have a couple people I'm 10+ messages on and would rather be texting. Should I give them my number and tell them to send me a text or ask for theirs? Seems a bit weird at this point, like I waited too long.

 

[Puckmarin]

How do you guys generally go about asking for numbers? I have a couple people I'm 10+ messages on and would rather be texting. Should I give them my number and tell them to send me a text or ask for theirs? Seems a bit weird at this point, like I waited too long.

If you're going to do it you should do it sooner rather than later. My rule was always no more than 3 messages on OKCupid unless we were trying to set up getting together.

I always went with "Feel free to give me a call or text me if you want to chat. My number is..." and it seemed to work.

I feel like younger people tend to want to message/IM/whatever back and forth longer while those of us in our late 20s and early 30s tended to want to just cut to the chase and meet up. Maybe I'm wrong about that...


*****EDIT****

When I was younger I used to also have a 3 date rule for sex too. As in, you get three dates - if there isn't sex on the third date there won't be a 4th. That rule served me well until I hit my late 20s. In my 30s I relaxed a bit. For instance it was 5 or six dates with my wife. Hell, I didn't even get a kiss until the 3rd date with her.

 

[Ashodin]

If you're going to do it you should do it sooner rather than later. My rule was always no more than 3 messages on OKCupid unless we were trying to set up getting together.

I always went with "Feel free to give me a call or text me if you want to chat. My number is..." and it seemed to work.

I feel like younger people tend to want to message/IM/whatever back and forth longer while those of us in our late 20s and early 30s tended to want to just cut to the chase and meet up. Maybe I'm wrong about that...

Depends on the person, really.

I laid out my phone number basically when it felt right, and did some of the ones like Puck did, dropping the number after the third message, and it has worked.

 

[tearsofash]

Yeah, every dude who dates a bi girl instantly thinks "threeway" don't even try to deny it. You know it's true.

Then you start dating the girl and jealousy kicks in

Not always true. I'm gender fluid and preop transexual, and I just feel much more comfortable dating someone who identifies as bisexual because I feel it would be far less complicated to explain who I am.

 

[OriginofHysteria]

Yesss, first date with this girl success!

Not in a sleeping together kind of way, more like a it went really really well