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Okcupid is not that bad. I already got a date!
- Thread starter AlimNassor
- Start date
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Z
ZombieFred
Unconfirmed Member
Can't argue with that.
Most of us are just genuinely making sure you probably don't experience with some of us probably have with this fuck awesome fast period with a girl, then it all comes tumbling down and you feel shittier than any other break up ever. Like a lost little puppy. NEVER AGAIN!
...in other news I think I made a huge mistake.gif.
I kept talking to other girls, and messaged a new one yesterday. I saw she was cute and had a green mushroom tattoo. We get to talking more and more and she's a super nerd like myself. Now I'm like fuck...since girl 1 is also nerdy, but in no way is she reading batman comics, plays starcraft 2 as a protoss, and watched full metal alchemist as well.
The world is a cruel place! Why couldn't girl 1 just want to hang out more so I could figure shit out with her? Since the truth is girl 1 is insanely good looking, and was great to be around, but it fucking SUCKS giant donkey balls she doesn't want to hang out when I know she isn't mega busy on evenings like myself. I mean shit I make time for other people in my life too and am readily busy, but when I'm into someone I'd like to give them a little more attention to see if things can blossom.
What do GAF?
I can understand that boat but I think having a lot more in common is a better attraction if the girl is still good looking. Life's a bitch when they put you in those situations.
And my luck always lands me with jack shit in the end instead of even one haha.
I'll just see how this weekend plays out. If girl 1 doesn't want to hang, and girl 2 does, then I'll hit that up and see how it clicks in person. Could always be a situation where in person girl 2 sucks or something.
Z
ZombieFred
Unconfirmed Member
That is true. Well a girl I've been talking to knows her stuff and loves the same shit as I do (even the dark tower) and she is decent looking but could tone up a little bit which I know she is doing. I just hope in person that her curly hair doesn't bother me than I've seen in some photos :lol:
Oh god I'm shallow.
Whatever man. You know what you are and aren't attracted to. If I don't want to see you naked then odds are I don't want to date you no matter how cool we click. That's what lady friends are for, which I have plenty of.
It's about finding someone you click with AND want to do the no pants dance with.
Z
ZombieFred
Unconfirmed Member
Indeed. There are pictures that really make me go "nice" so I definitely need to see in person to judge for myself. Nothing to loose as a first date. Hell I am only 22 and only been single for 7 months and done some crazy shit already
LMAO!
Yeah PoF is a shit hole.
Match is better than OKC though, but that costs money. OKC sits in between the shit stank and the legit.
A Human Becoming
More than a Member
Exactly. It's not shallow. I think there has to be some physical attraction for a relationship to work.
The user interface and options for POF are awful. I also got a message within a minute of signing up from a not very attractive woman saying I was a cutie.
Even if I haven't heard from any woman I've messaged recently, one whose profile I read sent me message saying that they thought I was pretty awesome. That's something positive for once.
I disagree. I actually met a girl through OKC. I never did through Match. I used both of them for 1 year.
On Match, I swear every girl has 2 things in common:
1. Their headline is "live, love, laugh!" (or whatever the stupid phrase is)
2. They are all "outgoing adventurous girls who also enjoy a night in cuddled up on the couch"
Same shit, rearranged for every girl. I swear....
At least on OKC I could find some unique girls.
send em my way, ill start a collection
Found the most perfect girl I'll ever find anywhere, but she hasn't been online in a while...She's a playwright, I'm a screenwriter. She's into Godard and is a drunk. So am I. She's even shorter than me, that's hard to find for a shrimp like myself. She's cute as hell, has morning hair all the time, and looks really feisty. All the things I love. Pass good karma my way guys, help me make this happen. She also sarcastically wrote "you should message me if you're black or if you're really cool." I'm black, and I can pretend to be cool.
I finally got a reply in which the chick didn't automatically befriend me (after deleting the youtube video from my profile; that other chick gave some good advice about it I'll admit). I haven't gotten on and replied yet but she seems genuinely interested. I'll let you guys know how that progresses.
I have to get back on the grinding though; I'm going to hit up something like 14 women to compensate for the two days that I haven't done it for. I think the easiest message to send to women that works for me so far is to ask them how their summer is going and ask them a second question (or throw in a witty/funny comment about their profile) so I'm gonna keep rolling with it.
I have to get back on the grinding though; I'm going to hit up something like 14 women to compensate for the two days that I haven't done it for. I think the easiest message to send to women that works for me so far is to ask them how their summer is going and ask them a second question (or throw in a witty/funny comment about their profile) so I'm gonna keep rolling with it.
A Human Becoming
More than a Member
How far away is far away?
2 hours. I don't even know why OKC is showing me so many people from Boston.
GameplayWhore
Member
Many years ago, the first time I tried okcupid, pretty much every girl had this thing where they were "a mass of contradictions". And then they'd list a set of qualities with their corresponding antonyms as a general description. I found that amazingly lazy.
It's much better now.
I really think we should have a seperate thread (or maybe incorporate it into this thread) for ideas for messages. There's been a few of the profiles so far where no matter how many times you read it, it's just so bare that it's tough to come up with questions about hobbies, etc...
In fact, I didn't even think of asking any of them how their summer has been going until I read your message. It's the most "duh" question to ask yet I know I can't be the only one who didn't think of asking it.
I'm about done with OKC....I think the women there are there for their ego and not looking for anyone. I did sign up with chemistry.com on advice from a friend. I signed up yesterday so we'll see how it goes. Match.com continues to be hit and miss even though the women seem more serious than OKC.
I think the benefit of signing up with Match or Chemistry is that the people who pay for it are likely serious about finding someone and aren't there to just dick around. With OKC and POF, it's free so it's hard to tell who's serious and who isn't. In fact, I'd call them both wastes of time at this rate.
I'm getting the same thing, only from Austin, which is 130 miles away. I even got a message from a girl from there asking how tall I was (which is weird because it says it right there on my profile).
Al-ibn Kermit
Junior Member
Fun article on online dating/first messages:
http://www.cnn.com/2011/TECH/social.media/08/24/online.dating.messages.netiquette/
It's pretty obvious information. No, it probably won't help you figure out what to write.
http://www.cnn.com/2011/TECH/social.media/08/24/online.dating.messages.netiquette/
It's pretty obvious information. No, it probably won't help you figure out what to write.
That sounds like you already figured out your first message =p. Good luck man!
lol pretty good read.
I like the first one:
I ignored every girl that sent me one of those messages. It's just stupid.
A Human Becoming
More than a Member
That's about the same distance for me. I search in a 50 mile radius, so my maximum time is probably 90 minutes.
Jackben
bitch I'm taking calls.
Why do you feel awful? Do you feel the same about talking to multiple people at the same time?
Unless you've made a commitment or someone has explicitly stated they want to see you on a exclusive basis you shouldn't feel bad.
Don't think for a second some if not all of the girls you meet do the same thing.
That being said, at some point down the line you will have to choose.
EDIT: I'm assuming you mean meeting up and going on dates with multiple people around the same time frame, and not literally at the exact same time ha.
"Oooh, I'm sorry Susan but Ashley made a good point there. You are the weakest link, goodbye"
Right now I'm just dating one and have no real desire to look for others right now. I guess it depends on the girl though, like Jackben said most girls are going on dates with a few guys at a time.
I know for sure the girl I'm dating is just seeing me though, so I'd feel bad going on other dates. The weirdest part is since I set up a date with her last week, I've gotten so much more visits from attractive women, whereas I used to just get fat chicks. I have no desire to send any of them a message though. I'm sure if things don't work out with this current girl then it will have been a mistake, but I'm willing to take that risk right now.
Kind of jumping back into the game after a break. What do you think, any suggestions?
http://www.okcupid.com/profile/Rasnews
http://www.okcupid.com/profile/Rasnews
A Human Becoming
More than a Member
Good stuff, thanks!
So this new nerdy girl is fairly awesome to talk to I won't lie, but after getting her on fbook I see she's a bit chubbier than the photos she used on her profile on OKC.
Now normally I'd wind it down, but she says she does go to the gym and even today mentioned working out. Since I've lately become a bit of a health nut, then this seems like a great match for both of us to motivate each other on working out.
Going to try to hang out with her tomorrow maybe since girl 1, who I am super interested in, is busy with a concert with her sister. Like I mentioned a few times, it fucking SUCKS to try to wait a week+ to hang out with girl 1 and hell if I know if we will actually hang out Sunday or not. Normally I'd ask, but trying to be cool/patent and not come off desperate to ask since I think we talked about hanging out just a few days ago either Monday or Tuesday. I feel at this point she should just come at me and ask to spend time together.
Now normally I'd wind it down, but she says she does go to the gym and even today mentioned working out. Since I've lately become a bit of a health nut, then this seems like a great match for both of us to motivate each other on working out.
Going to try to hang out with her tomorrow maybe since girl 1, who I am super interested in, is busy with a concert with her sister. Like I mentioned a few times, it fucking SUCKS to try to wait a week+ to hang out with girl 1 and hell if I know if we will actually hang out Sunday or not. Normally I'd ask, but trying to be cool/patent and not come off desperate to ask since I think we talked about hanging out just a few days ago either Monday or Tuesday. I feel at this point she should just come at me and ask to spend time together.
Sorry for the double post, but minor update to my situation.
Girl 2 and I are hanging out tomorrow for sure before she has work. Going to watch a movie at her place and hang out. Not sure what to expect, because of the updated situation with girl 1 which is:
Talked a lot to girl 1 about the whole hanging out situation, and she flat out told me she likes me and vice versa. The issue was she isn't sure about long distance(mind you it's only a 40 minute to hour drive there), and so I let her know she's worth the drive anytime, and I want to. Basically she was fretting over nothing, and now I have no doubts about anything with her. I know tomorrow and Sunday she is legit busy thanks to facebook, etc, but hopefully now that we talked about it and were open/honest with each other(huge things in my book), then this can start really going somewhere which is what I wanted ever since we hung out last Friday.
So that's why I'm fretting about tomorrow with this other girl. I know myself, and I know women around me. *sigh* Should I blow her off so as to not fuck up anything with girl 1?
Girl 2 and I are hanging out tomorrow for sure before she has work. Going to watch a movie at her place and hang out. Not sure what to expect, because of the updated situation with girl 1 which is:
Talked a lot to girl 1 about the whole hanging out situation, and she flat out told me she likes me and vice versa. The issue was she isn't sure about long distance(mind you it's only a 40 minute to hour drive there), and so I let her know she's worth the drive anytime, and I want to. Basically she was fretting over nothing, and now I have no doubts about anything with her. I know tomorrow and Sunday she is legit busy thanks to facebook, etc, but hopefully now that we talked about it and were open/honest with each other(huge things in my book), then this can start really going somewhere which is what I wanted ever since we hung out last Friday.
So that's why I'm fretting about tomorrow with this other girl. I know myself, and I know women around me. *sigh* Should I blow her off so as to not fuck up anything with girl 1?
Al-ibn Kermit
Junior Member
So I finally asked this girl I've gone back and forth with in a few thousand word messages to have a meet and greet. I'll be honest, my keyboard is a bit sweaty. I was so nervous that I asked to meet her like an hour before I have an essay due (going to have to turn it in early lol).
Seriously, asking somebody new out is like the opposite of riding a bike. It always scares the shit out of me no matter how old, mature, and confident I become.
Yeah, I think I would probably. At least make up an excuse for why you can't meet girl2 tomorrow, and if things start to really fall in place with girl1 then you'll have to bite the bullet and be honest and upfront about it with girl2.
I think I have the numbers right. Good luck whatever you do.
Seriously, asking somebody new out is like the opposite of riding a bike. It always scares the shit out of me no matter how old, mature, and confident I become.
Yeah, I think I would probably. At least make up an excuse for why you can't meet girl2 tomorrow, and if things start to really fall in place with girl1 then you'll have to bite the bullet and be honest and upfront about it with girl2.
I think I have the numbers right. Good luck whatever you do.
I finally replied to the chick who messaged me a few days ago. Quite honestly, I'm a bit nervous myself since I haven't had much interaction with women since the spring semester ended so I'm hoping it leads somewhere (besides a few small moments in the streets).
I also hit up a few more chicks; will hit up several more when I get back from the gym. Hell, I'm gonna get rid of the stupid fear that I have about being ashamed to check who viewed my page. Obviously, I'm not going to view the pages of the chicks that I hit up but didn't reply; it's their loss. I'm not feeling bad about it (well it stings a bit but it's not the end of the world). I know women do that all the time in hopes that the guy will see that she viewed her page and sends her a message which is exactly what I'm going to do. I made it one of my summer goals to meet up with at least one woman from the internet (and more if it goes good) so I'm going to do everything in my power to make it happen.
I'm feeling pretty good which is how everyone should be feeling when they send a message to a chick online. It's a numbers game, but someone's bound to reply eventually and even then, who knows if that will lead to a date or if the conversation will stagnate. So chin up and shake it, shake it, roll the dice guys.
EDIT: This online dating tips article says that a woman who views your profile is most likely to reply than a woman who you message out of the blue so for guys like me that's reassuring. It has some pretty good tips even if it's mostly common sense.
I also hit up a few more chicks; will hit up several more when I get back from the gym. Hell, I'm gonna get rid of the stupid fear that I have about being ashamed to check who viewed my page. Obviously, I'm not going to view the pages of the chicks that I hit up but didn't reply; it's their loss. I'm not feeling bad about it (well it stings a bit but it's not the end of the world). I know women do that all the time in hopes that the guy will see that she viewed her page and sends her a message which is exactly what I'm going to do. I made it one of my summer goals to meet up with at least one woman from the internet (and more if it goes good) so I'm going to do everything in my power to make it happen.
I'm feeling pretty good which is how everyone should be feeling when they send a message to a chick online. It's a numbers game, but someone's bound to reply eventually and even then, who knows if that will lead to a date or if the conversation will stagnate. So chin up and shake it, shake it, roll the dice guys.
EDIT: This online dating tips article says that a woman who views your profile is most likely to reply than a woman who you message out of the blue so for guys like me that's reassuring. It has some pretty good tips even if it's mostly common sense.
Mmm, man, and Girl 1 is the one you really click with, you feel, right? I totally agree dude. You should tell Girl 2 that you just got something like family plans, and tell her you'll have to talk to her later about next time. Then go see Girl 1, and have a blast.
WEDNESDAY/THURSDAY REPORT
It was an absolute blast. I went over there near 1 AM, brought my TV, my Wii, and we hooked it up in her room. We went out to Taco Bell and got some, then came back and watched some shows on TV before having some fun.
The next day, we spent it all day in bed, ordering pizza in, playing games, watching movies, I ambushed her with caresses all day, and generally having a good time with her and her cats.
It was blissful, to say the least - this girl I could really just hang around the house and do nothing with, which is fucking awesome.
The only problems I have with her (which aren't really problems anyway) is that she has boundary and space issues (because she's been ALONE all this time, usually). She told me that she gets a little on edge because of how close she's been to me thus far, but she wants to overcome that, and thinks I'm an amazing guy to do that with. I really smiled at this. She told me that because of how similar we were together, unlike anyone else she could be around me no problem, which is a huge thing to her.
We planned and saw The Dark Knight Rises at the 3:45 AM showing at IMAX. It was fantastic, and I got to see more of her proclivities in public. She really has a hard time being around a lot of people, as we were in the theater and she was getting very antsy and secluded, within her own mind, I think. She cannot handle being touched in public, as I wanted to calm her, but I figured out that talking to her does wonders compared to that.
During the movie it was great to look over and see how pretty she looked watching it - I only looked for splitseconds, but it was worth it.
After the movie we had a long discussion about the significance of events in the movie on today's society (which Batman is always a good parallel for). I never get to talk on that type of intellectual level to ANYONE.
Then we went back, took a nap, I woke up, did her dishes, and made her food. We veg'd out until I had to leave, said my goodbyes, and came back, sleeping before work.
All in all, it was a fantastic visit. I got to understand her more mentally, and really connect with her on other levels than physically (which we couldn't do much of because I kinda.. broke it).
------------------
I'm really glad for you zlatko though. Girl 1 you've been pining over for a while, man.
scotcheggz
Member
Whenever I read these things, it's always saying to keep your profile short and "retain mystery" or whatever, but my profile is kind of long (too long, to be honest) but I've never really seen a negative reflection on it. I get the odd message out the blue and a decent reply rate and I'm not a handsome man, so what's up with that? Do you guys write essays or keep it short? I always had those short, pointless profiles I would see in mind and wanted to avoid that, since it always put me off.
Mines has a decent amount of information and I'm a fairly good looking guy. I left a few boxes blank intentionally such as the "You should message me if" and "The private thing I'm willing to admit." My brother says TMI bores the crap out of women because it comes off as boasting. I like reading through a woman's profile that has a decent amount of information that tells me that she's interesting enough to warrant a message.
On the other hand, if your pictures are pretty decent and you come off like a fun guy in them, you'll get hit up which seems to be the case with you. Maybe your profile is interesting enough that women hit you up every now and then. So if it's working then I see no reason to alter it.
A couple of Gaffers said that on POF, they have extremely long profiles because women will gobble it up if you sound interesting. Ultimately it's completely subjective because it depends on the website.
So I started experimenting with messages on POF. I wonder how It'll go? Some were more basic, others a lot different to what I'd send. One girl I came across had such a pseudo-intellect profile that I sent a similar message to her. Just total garbage when you think about it but fits perfectly with her.
It's actually hard coming up with messages though because of the way the site is formatted. On OKC it's laid out so you put movies, what you're up to, a self summary, it wants you to add things to get a conversation going. On POF most profiles just have like NOTHING to use as conversational pieces. Oh cool, you like going to the gym, movies and partying...super interesting subjects to discuss there. But oh well, I'll come up with something.
It's actually hard coming up with messages though because of the way the site is formatted. On OKC it's laid out so you put movies, what you're up to, a self summary, it wants you to add things to get a conversation going. On POF most profiles just have like NOTHING to use as conversational pieces. Oh cool, you like going to the gym, movies and partying...super interesting subjects to discuss there. But oh well, I'll come up with something.
Well I read the thread again too late and went with the date for today.
She definitely wasn't as cute in person, but I knew myself and just how I handle women in general, and thus I fucked up and ended up kissing these girl anyway a few times. It was a cool hang out time sure, but I couldn't help but keep thinking I wish I was hanging out with the other chick a lot of the time. Shitty I know. My self control over women cuddling with me sort of goes out the window, hence the making out.
Blah.
Either way, now that me and girl 1 are sitting in a spot where the feelings are out on the table and nothing is really there in the sense to make her question hanging out, then that we spend time sometime by the end of this coming week. If it doesn't happen. I give up. She has to put in some effort. I know this Tuesday I don't have work due to a different job interview, and when I talk to her either today or tomorrow I'll let her know about that, so she'll hopefully act up on it to want to hang out. I told her the ball is in her court for hanging out at this point since I've tried and don't want to come off pushy.
Crossing my fingers for the best here, because if a second hang out does happen, then this will be legit and finalized to fully focus on her.
She definitely wasn't as cute in person, but I knew myself and just how I handle women in general, and thus I fucked up and ended up kissing these girl anyway a few times. It was a cool hang out time sure, but I couldn't help but keep thinking I wish I was hanging out with the other chick a lot of the time. Shitty I know. My self control over women cuddling with me sort of goes out the window, hence the making out.
Blah.
Either way, now that me and girl 1 are sitting in a spot where the feelings are out on the table and nothing is really there in the sense to make her question hanging out, then that we spend time sometime by the end of this coming week. If it doesn't happen. I give up. She has to put in some effort. I know this Tuesday I don't have work due to a different job interview, and when I talk to her either today or tomorrow I'll let her know about that, so she'll hopefully act up on it to want to hang out. I told her the ball is in her court for hanging out at this point since I've tried and don't want to come off pushy.
Crossing my fingers for the best here, because if a second hang out does happen, then this will be legit and finalized to fully focus on her.
A Human Becoming
More than a Member
I'm starting to think I only attract women who don't live near me. First woman I had sex with lived in a different state, my last girlfriend lived thousands of miles away and the woman I've had the longest conversation with on Okcupid lives in a different country. While I can barely get any local women near me to respond to my messages, this (gorgeous) woman from Mexico messages me out of the blue saying it was a pity we didn't live closer. Had a pleasant, couple hour long conversation with her fully knowing it will never go anywhere.
A Human Becoming
More than a Member
The more the better your matches will be.
Hate to be this guy... but Had a great date tonight, #2. Posted earlier about date 1. Totally wouldn't have bothered with this site again if it wasn't for this thread. Shes completely awesome. Met her by rating a picture of hers, and we went from there. Now this isn't to say that its it, and we are going to get married, I'm still talking to others. But I'm happy that I gave it a go, and I'm happy that I found a cool person. Keep at it gang.
A certain type of person online dates I'd say. There are a myriad of reasons of course, one of them are people that are just busy. Thats us, and it works. I usually date older gals, but this is my youngest in years. Shes 27 to my 29. Versus a 13 year gap or something. So its nice to be more of a 29 year old.
As far as profiles go, I think mine has tmi, but it gets hits from people that actually care to read it. A little passed the casual sex phase, and I think length is what filters that out.
250. I think thats a good #, 350. This girl originally only answered 50. When she answered more, it put us further into the enemy camp. But we've talked about those questions already and get eachothers stance. None are dealbreakers.... she did get the # sequence wrong though. However, shes in lawschool.. kinda evened out. Seems that a lot of people just do a handful?
A certain type of person online dates I'd say. There are a myriad of reasons of course, one of them are people that are just busy. Thats us, and it works. I usually date older gals, but this is my youngest in years. Shes 27 to my 29. Versus a 13 year gap or something. So its nice to be more of a 29 year old.
As far as profiles go, I think mine has tmi, but it gets hits from people that actually care to read it. A little passed the casual sex phase, and I think length is what filters that out.
250. I think thats a good #, 350. This girl originally only answered 50. When she answered more, it put us further into the enemy camp. But we've talked about those questions already and get eachothers stance. None are dealbreakers.... she did get the # sequence wrong though. However, shes in lawschool.. kinda evened out. Seems that a lot of people just do a handful?
I've answered over a thousand questions I believe. Good time killer (sometimes).
Got a second date with this girl on monday. Yeah, weird that it is monday, but that's the only time we sync up in schedules. I should take it as a good thing she'd even come out on a Monday to hang out with my face again.
Got a second date with this girl on monday. Yeah, weird that it is monday, but that's the only time we sync up in schedules. I should take it as a good thing she'd even come out on a Monday to hang out with my face again.
Your post is basically my recent dating experience in a nutshell. As long as you don't lead her on you're good, at worst you're not going to be her "horrible date", and you may have someone to hangout with, and stuff...
I have no right to say anything about the girl you really want because I don't follow my own advice 70% of the time. But just play it cool, if you push to much you'll likely fail. Just focus on the now and maybe tomorrow, have fun with her because it's fun to do so. Im sure she knows what you want to hear, but to vocalize or commit is a very hard thing to do, at least if it's genuine. Again, have fun, but don't over plan or over think her. Continue to date and play it cool until she decides your worth the commitment.
If only I could listen to myself and not get caught up in the rush...
dark_chris
Member
I dunno how but i saw Dark Knight twice yesterday from two different ladies on okcupid. Both dates went very well and keep in touch with em and managed to see em two hours apart after seeing each. I did it through the app where i was close by the theater and I got two responses.
That's pretty impressive.
dehydratedbabies
Member
I've been on OkCupid for just over 1 week now. I'm in Connecticut and this site is making it painfully clear to me that I should be in New York, where there are apparently dozens and dozens of beautiful girls with match percentages ranging from 90-97%. Furthermore, the only unsolicited messages from attractive girls that I've received thus far have been from New York and California. Locally there are some girls that I definitely intend to message but damn, it's time to find a new job.
LA/NYC have the most beautiful people due to delusions of hollywood/modelling. Give me their profiles, I'll be your proxy until you get down here.
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