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Okcupid is not that bad. I already got a date!
- Thread starter AlimNassor
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dark_chris
Member
As exciting as it was, it was honestly tiring. I had eaten twice while with them and walked around a lot (Bonus, I used the same route to just walk around). My wallet hurt a bit but it was overall fine. Kissed them both? yes. =)
dehydratedbabies
Member
k
They've all begun as comments on something written in my profile or what I'm wearing/doing in my photos (I have a few from Halloween last year). Thus far I've only messaged girls whose profiles give me something to work with, so my only suggestion would be to use photos that can inspire comments other than "You're cute" and to write stuff that someone who's attracted to you can use to spark a conversation. But I'm sure you've already done that, and like I said these girls are out of state so it's not that exciting. The only local girl to send me an unsolicited message I'm not attracted to, and it was just to say "You suck" (because I'd responded to some question with "Scrabble sucks").
Don't give up! I had that problem and then yesterday 2 of them messaged me first out of the blue. One of which was on OKC who comes across as a bit clingy/desperate and the other on Chemistry.com who actually seems really cool so far in the emails we've exchanged.
Out of about 8 months of online stuff. I had 1 message me out the blue yesterday, talking about my profile & a picture of me in a cross dressing ronald mcdonald outfit. I think online rules work just as much as in real life, unless you're brad pitt, which lets be honest, few of us are, women reserve the right to be approached first.
I think for them, it seems desperate if they contact someone. ALSO, you have to factor in that 99.9% of guys harass women online for sex on a first date, and are general dickheads.
So I'd say its nothing to take personal, considering the situation. Any girl i've met from online complains about the harassment, thats the wall we have to break through by not being those guys.
Maybe try some weird photo's? I dunno. I think photos serve to show you in a way that words can't describe. Profiles with girls alone in a room kind of weird me out. When they are out and about, you almost get an energy from the photo.
HAHAH see?!?
Yeah I would give the same advice to myself, but only time will tell if I can follow it.
I messaged about 5-10 chicks last night, because the OKC well is dry. These are basically the last few, and my game plan is if nothing sprouts up with any of them or the girl I'm after doesn't step her shit up by the end of this coming week, then I'll pony up the dough for a month of Match.com and see how it goes.
GameplayWhore
Member
Goodness, such negativity!
In the case of New York, I think it's simply more a numbers thing. DB's home state has about three million people in it. The New York Metro Area has nineteen million people in it, over six times as populous.
Additionally, a lot of the geeky people in this area tend towards more active forms of fandom. In Brooklyn, there's a huge amount of nerdy girls who are heavily into the circus scene, for instance. The girl I saw last week reads Tolkein and understands Futurama references, but she teaches aerial silks and similar arts, and she's learning to surf now. Many of the girls I bump into spin fire with a hula hoop or poi or staff or whatnot, but they also go to Connecticon and similar events.
It's convenient to be dismissive of places that are far away, but large sociological differences in populations can't really be explained away by just one thing. There are often several reasons that cause such differences to be.
I can't speak to Los Angeles. Only time I've ever been there was at a layover on a plane trip home from the West Coast last year.
SlipperySlope
Banned
Does anyone know if topless bathroom shots are successful?
True Underdog
Member
Getting in on this shit. Wanted to wait til after this weekend. I don't really know where to start with this but I'll give it an honest shot.
SlipperySlope
Banned
scotcheggz
Member
How comes you didn't fill out the music/films etc. box? I used to hate that box, but then I realised that if people skip it out, I often think they must be totally dross in real life. I would be drawn more to someone who has a totally different taste to mine than someone who just didn't fill it out at all. To be fair though, it depends on the type you're looking for and music and films are a huge part of my life, so an ideal date for me would at least care enough to write out a few of her favourites, my worst nightmare on a date would be someone who said something along the lines of "oh I don't really watch films" or "I don't know, I listen to the radio sometimes". If you couldn't care less and want someone similar though, I suppose it doesn't really matter.
I got three messages tonight, what is up with that? Two from out of nowhere and one from a girl I messaged a couple of weeks ago. Don't really want to follow up the two from nowhere, but have had a bit of back and forth with the other, see where that goes.
Edit: oh by the way, though you seem to make some good money, I personally think disclosing your income is a bit tacky. If money is important, I'd rather see it inferred than just straight up numbers.
SlipperySlope
Banned
Liu Kang Baking A Pie
Member
"I'm looking for someone who has a good personality and can laugh at my stupid jokes."
So make some! It's a good start, but it's full of profile cliches. You know, the "I love life/music/fun" things that are true of everyone on the planet. Show some more of your personality, and you'll be good!
SlipperySlope
Banned
Thank you. I'll update it later when I think of some things, plus I need food before I die.
scotcheggz
Member
Thank you
Changes made.
You're welcome, to be honest I'm not great at giving feedback on profiles, I don't know what I'm doing with my own half the time. Feel free to throw some criticism my way too if you feel like, I'm the Brit that visited you
SlipperySlope
Banned
You're welcome, to be honest I'm not great at giving feedback on profiles, I don't know what I'm doing with my own half the time. Feel free to throw some criticism my way too if you feel like, I'm the Brit that visited you
I'm probably not the best to give advice on these... but it does seem a bit long. I'd try not giving too much detail about yourself. Leave some mystery for when you meet. If I were to go on a date with you, I'd already know everything about you it seems from the profile. I'd also cut down on the swearing a bit.
But I may be wrong in all of this, will need other people's input...
Al-ibn Kermit
Junior Member
I would put up less pictures. Just use the more interesting ones.
Also fill out the "six things", "spend a lot of time thinking about", typical Friday, most private, and "you should message me if" sections. And fatten up the favorite movies/books/etc section. Those are the things that show your personality. As it is now, it makes it kind of look like you're not sure what you want. Which maybe you aren't, but you should outright say that rather than imply it.
Also, I went through your questions a little. I wouldn't mention experimenting with homosexuality as an 11 year old.
SlipperySlope
Banned
Thanks! Regarding the bold, holy crap I forgot I put that there. LOL. Too bad I can't change it for like 22 more hours... LOL. Thanks for catching it!
Maybe you should just deactivate your profile until you can change it?
Al-ibn Kermit
Junior Member
No you can change the explanation of your answers whenever you want. The actual answers can only be changed every 24 hours though, yeah.
SlipperySlope
Banned
Cool, thanks. I edited it out. Think I'll keep the profile active for the time being... It's one question out of 200. There's actually other questions I want to edit too.
scotcheggz
Member
Thanks man, you're right, the length is a real problem, I want to cut it down but I tend to write this stuff as a stream of consciousness and I never know where to strike that line in the sand between too long and too short. My pictures are also a problem, whenever I go out, I'm the one with the camera, so I don't really have many pictures of me out and about, that blurry DJ shot was about all I could salvage and it's horrible really. I have a few shots playing on stage in my band but you can't really see me properly and I thought that would be a bit pretentious maybe.
SlipperySlope
Banned
Alright, I applied what you said. Thanks again!
SlipperySlope
Banned
I'm off to see Batman for the third time. Thanks everyone for the help again! It's very much appreciated!
Don't get discouraged. We've all been there.
I used OKC and Match together for a year. I ALWAYS sent unique messages that applied directly to the girls profile along with a question to start a conversation.
I had about a 10-15% reply rate and only met 1 girl in person through OKC.
And after all that (money wasted on Match) I end up with a girl that I've known for a year and a half, completely outside of online dating lol.
I'm definitely not gonna throw in the towel, but I guess it kind of makes sense. Some of these girls probably get a good handful of messages a day from horndogs and they get to a point where they block it all out. (Or they're just not feeling my profile, which is always a possibility)
I wouldn't doubt if that's the case. Even I admit I was guilty of that at times.
Dude, your profile is good. It's pretty funny and positive. The pictures also look fun; particularly the sky diving picture (not to mention the fact you have a good looking sister). I'm amazed by how drastically you different come off on it compared to the Dating-Age thread. I understand you moved on from the chick that you were seeing so welcome to the world of online dating.
We only have one unwritten rule here: don't get discouraged from hitting up women just because you don't get any replies; someone's bound to reply eventually. Also don't be afraid to check who viewed your page (besides a bunch of male Gaffers) and check out their profile (ignore the ones that you hit up and didn't reply). Best of luck out there.
Fix The Scientist
Member
What's everyone's reply rate like when messaging girls who visited your profile first?
No one visits my profile except non hotties. It's a bit sad actually. :/
About as good as messaging the ones who haven't visited your profile.
foodtaster
Banned
i'm not on okc anymore, but mine was 100%. i've found after experimentation that you should have no more than 2 pictures. 1 action shot/hobby shot and one interest shot (define it as you will). your entire profile should be no more than 200 words. peaking i got about 10 messages a week. on average about 3. the average views were about 21 people a week, meaning about 10% of people who visited my profile messaged me.
i'm not particularly good looking either. basically your profile should a.) be interesting enough to warrant a view/write your profile in a way that someone has to click it after seeing the small part on the matching thing. b.) be consistently good enough to possibly warrant a message. some ratio between the two will get you a message, though a lot of women will only view your profile, expecting you to message them first (stupid, yes I know).
I got a message from a lady today, first half of the message in spanish telling me that we should be friends and other half in english asking if I went to see Explosions in the sky. Gotta say it made me smile because I didn't contact her first.
Then later, I got a reply from a girl I messaged over two weeks ago. Don't know what to make out of that one.
Then later, I got a reply from a girl I messaged over two weeks ago. Don't know what to make out of that one.
Where in CT are you? I'm finding the same thing, with tons of awesome girls being in NYC, Northampton and Boson.
SlipperySlope
Banned
Ask yourself this: When a girl messages you out of the blue, what do you do? Do you look at her pic and make a judgement, or read her message and ignore the profile pic?
I look at the pic first every single time. I can tell right away from the pic whether or not I'll respond. I know girls think the same way.
This is where I apply a little bit of trickery. I have trouble getting a good looking picture of my face in a thumbnail size image. So what I do is make myself very small in the image. In fact, there are four people in my profile pic. They have no idea which one's me. So they need to click on my profile to figure out which one's me, and those pictures are far better looking pictures of me than any thumbnail will ever be. And that's the main goal. Get them into your profile. Your email to them isn't as important as getting them into your profile. Your email is merely a way to get them there. If they like what they see and read, they'll respond.
I haven't gotten any messages today, but I've had 18 profile views from females since I set up the account earlier today. Only one of those 18 were from a message I sent (I've only sent one message).
The odd thing is that about 75% of them I would date (based on looks alone, I haven't read their profiles). I expected a much higher amount of ugly women viewing my profile.
I won't say how many GAFers have viewed my profile, but it is more than I expected.
Edit - The girls viewing my profile is now 19.
Edit 2 - 20.
SlipperySlope
Banned
Thank you! The profile was actually pulled from my POF account, modified a bit. The jokes and stuff were added today. You've seen my two sides. What you see on the dating site is more akin to when I'm on a date or scouting. I put on a shell and try to hide my demons. I try to remain as positive as possible. On these boards I can be who I am, which is why I seem so different.
Regarding my sister, yeah, I know. I'd date her if she wasn't my sister, haha.
Profile looks fine. OKC can be strange with visitors. In my first 2 days I had over 40, then it dropped off a bit for a week or so, and is starting to kick up again. My policy has been to let the girl message me first, but I've broken it earlier today because the girl was just too damn cute.
people are racists, is it a revelation?
SlipperySlope
Banned
Thanks. Regarding visitors, I knew something seemed off. Anyway, I switched sister pics. I don't like how I looked in the previous one.
tearsofash
Member
Getting kind of bored with Okcupid. It's not bad, I'm just getting tired of a few weeks of small talk and then nothing.
Anyone tried japancupid? I signed up today hoping to find my pafekutoo waifu nihonjin.
On topic: That whole rating everyone 5* has worked pretty well for me. I was in the middle of messaging someone tonight and they sent me a message instead. She's totally into all the weird shit I'm into, so that's a plus.
Anyone tried japancupid? I signed up today hoping to find my pafekutoo waifu nihonjin.
On topic: That whole rating everyone 5* has worked pretty well for me. I was in the middle of messaging someone tonight and they sent me a message instead. She's totally into all the weird shit I'm into, so that's a plus.
Fix The Scientist
Member
Everyone has to pay money to view ratings right? Also i have a bunch that are greyed out, is that just a sneaky little trick to make me pay are those actually real?
I absolutely hate people that lie in their pictures. Went to universal studios today w/a okc gal. She wasn't well, as pictured. Had a blast though none the less...
Big problem though, there was this beyond BEAUTIFUL indian goddess there. She was wearing a silk pink dress, and had a sister with her. We kept crossing each others paths, I looked, she looked, and that was that. After it happened a few times I figured "Wait, shes giving me F-me eyes. So one of the final times I saw her, i just decided to keep looking as she was passing. She was beautiful, she stared, smiled, and that was that. I Didn't want to be rude, as I was there with someone, but man. This is a serious toll that fake pictures, well out dated, has taken. God, her image is burned into my mind. There were double takes, and I was just in awe at how lovely she was to look at. It was nice to get the flirtatious looks, and the slight ego boost.
Ended up having fun, but man. This whole fake pictures thing needs to stop. I was 2 seconds from saying "I left something behind." to go talk to Mrs.Princess. It was well worth the risk. Me & My date probably looked more like friends than anything else.
SIGH.
Big problem though, there was this beyond BEAUTIFUL indian goddess there. She was wearing a silk pink dress, and had a sister with her. We kept crossing each others paths, I looked, she looked, and that was that. After it happened a few times I figured "Wait, shes giving me F-me eyes. So one of the final times I saw her, i just decided to keep looking as she was passing. She was beautiful, she stared, smiled, and that was that. I Didn't want to be rude, as I was there with someone, but man. This is a serious toll that fake pictures, well out dated, has taken. God, her image is burned into my mind. There were double takes, and I was just in awe at how lovely she was to look at. It was nice to get the flirtatious looks, and the slight ego boost.
Ended up having fun, but man. This whole fake pictures thing needs to stop. I was 2 seconds from saying "I left something behind." to go talk to Mrs.Princess. It was well worth the risk. Me & My date probably looked more like friends than anything else.
SIGH.
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