this.
when I was just getting into online dating I used to set up long dates. Now it's a cup of coffee the first time or a brief walk in a park.
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Okcupid is not that bad. I already got a date!
- Thread starter AlimNassor
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this.
when I was just getting into online dating I used to set up long dates. Now it's a cup of coffee the first time or a brief walk in a park.
Good man that some good advice. Unless that's the type of communication you're comfortable with, get the number as soon as possible. Personally I like to hear voices, and I tell women this straight-up that hearing their voice matters to me. If their "phone-voice" does not do anything for me (confidence, happiness, good banter), i'm not going to be interested.
Unless you're a serial dater or some variant, tell the truth. Check out the page, and find commonalities. If you can't then it's just a pretty face.
Here is my update. As I mentioned before i'm jumping back in the game, and so far it's been positive. I messed up and used the wrong location, but I met someone who is really cool, I like her. A good mix of: attractiveness. compassionate, reason, earthy-hippy, honestly, and she makes me smile; I only do so for good reason. I'm bad at responding to compliments directed toward me, think Chloe from 24 I don't handle praise well", and she compliments me enough to off balance me (tricky). The problem is i'm finding other women interesting too, and it seems they are finding me interesting (the move to MA is already paying off), I feel like I want to focus on her, but I know it's only been all of 3-4 days. It could very easily fall apart by tomorrow, and this has happened!
I really don't like making emotional investments, and I feel like i'm starting to make one with her.
Great news! I did my research about the fishiness of that religious girl, and my snooping lead me to realize she's just a scam thing. I'm probably 1-2 emails away from her asking me for money haha. Apparently it's a big thing in Africa to do this. Be careful GAF----people want your dollar bills. News at 11. 
As for my 2nd date with girl 2 it went quite well. Made enchilladas, played some mario kart and smash bros, stuff lead to things, and I slept over. I'm still not 100% sure if I want to date this girl though. Far from it really. I'll have to come to a decision about it soon though as I know she's really into me and sees this going somewhere, and I don't want to lead her on anymore than these 2 dates if I don't think I could date her. She's cool to hang out with, but I can't get this mind set of her being just a friend to dissolve, but then again I have a hard time telling my penis to stop doing stuff with girls. Fuck.
No heads or tails of girl 1, and at this point it's dead to me. Her loss.
As for my 2nd date with girl 2 it went quite well. Made enchilladas, played some mario kart and smash bros, stuff lead to things, and I slept over. I'm still not 100% sure if I want to date this girl though. Far from it really. I'll have to come to a decision about it soon though as I know she's really into me and sees this going somewhere, and I don't want to lead her on anymore than these 2 dates if I don't think I could date her. She's cool to hang out with, but I can't get this mind set of her being just a friend to dissolve, but then again I have a hard time telling my penis to stop doing stuff with girls. Fuck.
No heads or tails of girl 1, and at this point it's dead to me. Her loss.
Jackben
bitch I'm taking calls.
I guess they are making these bots a lot more realistic or you need to upgrade your standards for judging honesty and good conversation, Zlatko.
At least you dodged a bullet.
It's not a full on bot. They have copy/pasted shit they do, then they try to reply to some of what you bring up, and that's when you see grammatical and spelling errors out the whazoo.
NihonTiger90
Member
So I decided to take the rest of the week and weekend off of OKC. A bit frustrated about my situation at the moment so it's just good to disconnect sometimes, I think.
A Human Becoming
More than a Member
I think I'm going to take a long break from OKC to improve myself. Mostly for myself but also to make me a more attractive match.
Disregard Females, Acquire Aesthetics.
This site has motivated my ass too. I work out 6 days a week now, and just started P90x. I'm more set on school and taking more classes this semester than usual. Plus, I plan to go hiking/camping here in a few weeks with my bro in law, and come winter I'm going to learn to ski or snowboard. Not sure which is easier yet.
Going to be the best me possible, and in that time maybe a girl will come along too.
Definitely skiing for a complete beginner.
Always more. The more options the better. Always grind.
SlipperySlope
Banned
How long do you guys typically message on the site before asking for a number?
Z
ZombieFred
Unconfirmed Member
Generally if you feel like both of you are getting on great and feel comfortably with the person and vis versa but every case can always be unique.
It's usually 6+ messages that are not super short is where I start to consider it. Once the texting starts going back and forth for a day or two then I set up a date.
Has worked for 3 chicks so far.
I always ask on the 5th message. As in, I made the initial contact, she replies, I reply back to that one, then if she gives me another reply, I go for it. Doesn't matter if those messages were in the span of 30 minutes or 3 days. I've had a 100% success rate in asking for a girls number with that method.
I also never ask for their Facebook or tell them mine out of the blue. If they ask for mine, I flat out state that I would rather wait to see if we progress any further than 1 or 2 dates. It's awkward to friend someone on the site, go out on one date, realize there's nothing there, then de-friend them.
RedAssedApe
Banned
It makes perfect sense to me that my shirt would be off in front of a mirror. The flexing part too. Lol
I wouldn't wait too long but normally when it feels right. I wouldn't go more than 10 messages without asking.
SlipperySlope
Banned
Cool, thanks. Is there any particular template you guys use in the asking for her number message?
What's your number? I want to send you dick pics ASAP.
For me, I think every girl has just given me their cell. Girl 1 did, girl 2 did, girl 3 I gave mine, girl 4 I gave to. So even split. The ones I gave it too I just said I'm getting off, and if they want they could text me before I go sleep for a while.(was later at night) They both did.
Houston3000
Member
I've been off the site for quite a while now (a year maybe) but that was exactly my strategy and it worked perfectly. I got tons of dates, or at the very least, tons on phone numbers that all lead to text conversations.
I can't imagine waiting for much more than 2 or 3 replies before switching to the phone, once text messaging commences I just go for the date plans right away. You know... a couple of introductory texts, what you up to, fews jokes here and there depending on the girl, then just straight into planning a face-to-face. Never give out my Facebook to people I haven't met in-person before... it's just a general rule I keep and I more or less told that to any girls who asked.
I'll probably rejoin the site soon. I need new pictures of myself though, over the last five months or so though I've gotten into considerably better shape (put on a lot of muscle since I started working out 3-6 days a week). I just haven't had a lot of photo opportunities recently, and a bunch of webcam pictures and mirror shots are pretty damn lame.
I suppose it's better to be honest then instead of lie and say that you don't have a FB. Nonetheless, good words of wisdom. I remember you said that you used the Quick Match system to get dates which hasn't worked for me so I gave up on that.
Use the GAF meet up pictures (assuming you think you look good in them). But welcome in any case, we welcome you with open arms. Use your phone in day light to take decent pictures. Slightly off-topic, but I'm going to make a GAF meet up thread for next month soon; I just need to get cracking on a quick banner (or resort to using the June thread one).
RedAssedApe
Banned
Gaf speed dating. Do it.
NotPlaystation Vita
Neo Member
There's tons of girls I'm interested in on okcupid. Sending a personalized message to each one would take far too long
What is a solid relatively generic message to send to multiple girls on okcupid?
Right now it's between these two...
Hello (insert name) fellow lover of (insert something cool from their profile here),
How are you liking (city name) in the summer? I'm surprised at how few people there are out and about.
vs.
Hello (insert name) fellow lover of (insert something cool that I like as well from their profile here),
I've said too much already...
Message me back and I promise I won't be such a blabbermouth next time.
What is a solid relatively generic message to send to multiple girls on okcupid?
Right now it's between these two...
Hello (insert name) fellow lover of (insert something cool from their profile here),
How are you liking (city name) in the summer? I'm surprised at how few people there are out and about.
vs.
Hello (insert name) fellow lover of (insert something cool that I like as well from their profile here),
I've said too much already...
Message me back and I promise I won't be such a blabbermouth next time.
Quality over quantity. If you send generic shit, don't ever expect a reply. And those are terrible anyway. Be funny and be personable.
NotPlaystation Vita
Neo Member
I just want to send something that will get them to take a look at my profile. If they like my profile, they'll write me back and if they do, then I'll put some time into my replies. If they don't, I never had a shot with them anyways.
Besides, from past personal experience on dating sites, regardless of length, the generic stuff I sent out got a response more frequently than personalized messages I actually put time into. Maybe it's me, or maybe it's that people feel pressured to put as much work into their reply as was put into the original message. They have easier time send a quick short reply back to a quick short message, than they do sending a long thoughtout reply to a well thought out message. Whatever the reason, for me, generic messages are what I've found effective.
If those are terrible, I would appreciate your input on coming up with a generic message that is funny and not terrible.
Besides, from past personal experience on dating sites, regardless of length, the generic stuff I sent out got a response more frequently than personalized messages I actually put time into. Maybe it's me, or maybe it's that people feel pressured to put as much work into their reply as was put into the original message. They have easier time send a quick short reply back to a quick short message, than they do sending a long thoughtout reply to a well thought out message. Whatever the reason, for me, generic messages are what I've found effective.
If those are terrible, I would appreciate your input on coming up with a generic message that is funny and not terrible.
A Human Becoming
More than a Member
Date as many as possible at one time.
SlipperySlope
Banned
I have the most responses it seems from super short messages, but I point out something from their profile.
One message that got a response was simply "WOW you live far away... Any thoughts of moving down south?". She was the first viewer of my profile, and lives about an hour and a half north of me. She responded saying she's planning to move to attend Cal State Fullerton soon. And we continued from there. She's hot with pretty blue eyes. This is a girl I would date.
Another message that got a reply was "Your profile pic looks like you're in the throws of passion. What was on your mind when you took that pic?". The pic was her having an O face... She replied that she didn't see it that way and that two guys told her she looked like she was about to take a load. This girl I'm not particularly attracted to and lives very far away. BUT she's bi and is in an open relationship. Goal? Threesome. Not likely, I know, but I'll see where things go. I won't outright ask for a threesome but you never know what might happen...
Getting off topic, my point is I get the best results when I simply type a sentence or two from their profile and try to make it funny or personal. And I can shoot these out quick.
One message that got a response was simply "WOW you live far away... Any thoughts of moving down south?". She was the first viewer of my profile, and lives about an hour and a half north of me. She responded saying she's planning to move to attend Cal State Fullerton soon. And we continued from there. She's hot with pretty blue eyes. This is a girl I would date.
Another message that got a reply was "Your profile pic looks like you're in the throws of passion. What was on your mind when you took that pic?". The pic was her having an O face... She replied that she didn't see it that way and that two guys told her she looked like she was about to take a load. This girl I'm not particularly attracted to and lives very far away. BUT she's bi and is in an open relationship. Goal? Threesome. Not likely, I know, but I'll see where things go. I won't outright ask for a threesome but you never know what might happen...
Getting off topic, my point is I get the best results when I simply type a sentence or two from their profile and try to make it funny or personal. And I can shoot these out quick.
True Underdog
Member
Yesterday when I was making my profile, I got a notification that someone had viewed my profile. Honestly, it just had pictures up at that point, so I kept on making my profile. After I was done and answered a couple hundred questions, I went to her profile. We were only a 50% match but I liked what I read and she's pretty cute, so I sent her a message anyway, even acknowledging that OKC gave us a poor match % but I wanted to send her something anyway.
She just replied with a pretty nice message. Beginner's luck, probably.
Sorry, I just thought I'd share. I know I'm basically a lvl 1 OKCer compared to some of you gurus.
She just replied with a pretty nice message. Beginner's luck, probably.
Sorry, I just thought I'd share. I know I'm basically a lvl 1 OKCer compared to some of you gurus.
dehydratedbabies
Member
I just got this email:
What's their game here? Trying to trick me into paying for A-list?
OkCupid said:
What's their game here? Trying to trick me into paying for A-list?
No; it's self-explanatory. You'll basically see more attractive women in your matches instead of unattractive/average looking women. I got the same thing, several Gaffers got the same thing as well. It's not really that big of a deal. No A-list trick here.
And do I sleep with them all?
...depends on your morals/out look on dating.
If you don't see any of them as dating material, and they just want to jump in the sheets, then no harm no foul. If they are clearly showing you they are looking for more than humping, and you hump them and go on to another girl, then that's bad joo joo in my book.
It's your dick and your dates though. If they all offer to let you sleep with them, then enjoy yourself.
No I was just messing around lol.
Yeah I'm not really sure. STDs are scary and I don't want to hurt any feelings.
Maybe I'll just see if they'll cuddle.
Fisticuffs
Member
What's with women wanting to have a conversation on the phone before meeting in person? I don't go for that. I'm not chatting on the phone with someone I haven't even met yet. Stupid.
lol I always ask that. It breaks the ice easier for me.
Plus every woman I talk to on the phone tells me how nice my voice is.
SlipperySlope
Banned
What message do you guys send to get a girl's phone number?
I'm thinking:
Know what? There's only so much we can get to know about each other online. Can I have your number?
I'm thinking:
Know what? There's only so much we can get to know about each other online. Can I have your number?
Not sure what's weird about it. I prefer to skip all of the crap, but I can see how talking on the phone would be a decent way to see how you gel without taking the full step of meeting up.
NihonTiger90
Member
Thinking now of just deleting my OKC profile. I've been a member for 8 to 9 months and in the long and short of it, I am no closer to finding someone now than I was when I started. Most of the girls on here seem to be good for one message only and then they drop straight off the face of the earth. It frustrates me a bit but I don't feel bad about myself or hate myself; just acutally feel more sorry for them, lol.
But I tried, so I guess that also counts for something.
But I tried, so I guess that also counts for something.
Fisticuffs
Member
I just... hate talking on the phone unless I know a person.
SlipperySlope
Banned
My rule of thumb is never ask a girl out over text/the Internet. Always ask her out on the phone, talking to her. Path of least resistance and shows confidence and builds rapport. Very important to build rapport before the date, and the best way to do that is a good phone call.
Edit - Or think of it this way. Anybody can ask a girl out over text. It's easy! And it's easy to ignore. It's harder to ask a girl out over the phone, and also much harder for her to ignore it.
Not every one. One I'm talking to now that I'm meeting with on Saturday hasn't said anything about a phone conversation yet. We have exchanged several emails though.
"You gave me your number, but I lost it. What was it again?"
SlipperySlope
Banned
lol, I like that. Thanks!
Freezie KO
Banned
So I've written an OKC bio and run it by a female friend for editing. She told me to tone down the jokes, and that I was trying too hard. I followed her advice, even though I've seen some profiles posted where every other line is a joke or quirky statement. Maybe it's just not acceptable for my age: 29.
Anyway, I hope to get back into this (despite having horrible results prior). Not very experienced in any dating, online or off. What's really holding me back is getting pictures. I don't like any of the pictures I have from various events and parties.
Plus, I want to follow some of the OKC guidelines (shallow depth of field, glance off camera, not a full smile). I can use all the help I can get. And I also want a full body picture, so I can prove I'm not obese. Any advice from OKC'ers on how to take pics that aren't so obviously staged? I think I'm going to ask a friend to take them, but I don't want them to look like an actors' headshots.
And any other advice before I jump in (again)?
Anyway, I hope to get back into this (despite having horrible results prior). Not very experienced in any dating, online or off. What's really holding me back is getting pictures. I don't like any of the pictures I have from various events and parties.
Plus, I want to follow some of the OKC guidelines (shallow depth of field, glance off camera, not a full smile). I can use all the help I can get. And I also want a full body picture, so I can prove I'm not obese. Any advice from OKC'ers on how to take pics that aren't so obviously staged? I think I'm going to ask a friend to take them, but I don't want them to look like an actors' headshots.
And any other advice before I jump in (again)?
Deactivted my OKC account just now. 4th date with the girl went really well. We've been taking it slow, but tonight ended up on her bed watching some movies and led to some other things.
I'll stick around just to see how everyone elses' time goes with the site, but suffice to say its worked wonders for me. Good luck to the rest of you.
I'll stick around just to see how everyone elses' time goes with the site, but suffice to say its worked wonders for me. Good luck to the rest of you.
SlipperySlope
Banned
I've struggled with this. I just can't come up with a picture to get visits. The only one that works is the far away one where you can't see me and has three other people in it.
Been thinking of getting some kind of modelling shoot done or some such. Something professional, and tell them what it's for.
Fisticuffs
Member
fuck that. Most girls on that site should be more inclined to just meet me asap. Cause I'm hot and shit.
Freezie KO
Banned
I live in LA, so I have no shortage of friends who would take a headshot for me. But I'm also competing with a bunch of gorgeous people. And I think I want something a bit more natural.
I've read that pics with other people are a no go? I have some attractive friends. Is it worth slipping in some of those with me? Or will I only look worse in comparison?
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