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Okcupid is not that bad. I already got a date!
- Thread starter AlimNassor
- Start date
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Fix The Scientist
Member
I'm fine with nerdy girls that are similar to me, but whenever i fluke out and get a reply from a genuinely hot girl i have no idea how to play it, i just clam up and never ask for the phone number, then eventually they stop replying.
I've spent the last 2 weeks (too long, i know) occasionally messaging with such a girl, it got to the point where i asked if i was boring her with all the messages and she brought up that we can meet for a coffee this week if i want (i still don't have her number). The thing is i feel insanely nervous about how it will go from here, i still haven't even replied yet, i feel like i've over-sold myself and she'll show up, do a 180 and run for it. I know i should stop being a pussy and go for it but i have an unusually nervous feeling about this. Re-reading this post i'm ashamed of myself.
I've spent the last 2 weeks (too long, i know) occasionally messaging with such a girl, it got to the point where i asked if i was boring her with all the messages and she brought up that we can meet for a coffee this week if i want (i still don't have her number). The thing is i feel insanely nervous about how it will go from here, i still haven't even replied yet, i feel like i've over-sold myself and she'll show up, do a 180 and run for it. I know i should stop being a pussy and go for it but i have an unusually nervous feeling about this. Re-reading this post i'm ashamed of myself.
Just send her a dick pic already
As per the advice in this thread, four messages is where I'll go for it - whether it be asking them out for coffee or giving them my phone number or whatever. I'll not looking for someone to shoot the shit with on the internet; that's what I have NeoGAF for. There's nothing wrong with trying to build a bit of a rapport - if only because it would make it easier to strike up a conversation when you meet them - but you absolutely have to go for the kill, so to speak.
But I've not got a single date yet, so ignore me.
But I've not got a single date yet, so ignore me.
Yeah. Worst is it doesn't work, best is you get the girl. Can't lose.
Never say that. It reeks of insecurity. You'll know when you're boring her because you won't get a reply.
Yea, I think it's important to not come off as pushy though. I always say if they don't wanna give me their number or meet up so quickly that "it's cool", "don't worry about it", ect. seems to work well for me.
I hate talking with people on the phone before I met them in person. That's why I lost another girl on the dating site I use (I think I lost her but we'll see in a couple of days). Like "-how about you call me, I'm tired of the computer". Noooooo.... I don't want to call you unless it's about arranging a date, so I can keep it short for the first time.
I'm fine with phone conversations after I met her in person.
I'm fine with phone conversations after I met her in person.
soul creator
Member
My theory for a while is that phone conversations are the worst of both worlds:
1) with text/email, you at least you get the benefit of planning out your thoughts, not having to think on your feet and say random stuff to keep the conversation flowing, and just generally having the ability to plan out more thoughtful communication since it's asynchronous.
2) with talking in person, you at least get the benefit of seeing visual/body language cues that human beings are already built to handle, so you can better understand the "vibe" of a conversation while it's happening, and be able to play off that.
Phone conversations basically remove all of these advantages. Which is why I hate talking on the phone for the most part too, lol.
after I saw her at least once not being able to read her body language is not a problem.
soul creator
Member
true, I should've clarified that my post mostly applies when you haven't met that person at all.
I still hate talking on the phone though, heh
dehydratedbabies
Member
The first (and only) time I went to a club I was extremely drunk and ended up getting a girl's number. After I looked her up on Facebook and rediscovered what she looked like I was disappointed, so things died after a few texts. Many months later I was trying to call a female friend who has the same name as club girl but I called club girl by mistake, which I didn't realize until she became very confused about why I was asking what kind of beer she wanted. It was awkward, especially because she seemed happy that I was calling. As a result, all of the phone numbers in my phone are now labeled with first AND last names.
LOL! I hate how phones can start calling someone if you accidentally swipe rather than press and other ways like that. At least ask to confirm it or something!
Liu Kang Baking A Pie
Member
I can't believe how much I shivered at this awkwardness.
Getting the last name of a person is one of the easy conversation starters I like to use. "I need a last name for consistency in my contacts. If you don't give me one, I'm making it up for you." Then if they play along and refuse, you give them something funny. Always works.
Every time I send an intelligent, well-written message showing that I've read their profile and asking questions to get the conversation start I rarely, if ever get a reply. But when I send a picture of Elmo with a small joke attached I end up getting a date. And now? I asked if a girl would rather eat 30 blocks of cheese or a tub of peanut butter. THAT was my opening. And now I have a date with her. She's hot too.
What the hell? From now I'm not going to try. I'm just going to throw shit at the wall and see what sticks because so far, they're the best kind of messages.
Edit: And also when I'm tired. I'm great at messaging when I'm really, really tired.
What the hell? From now I'm not going to try. I'm just going to throw shit at the wall and see what sticks because so far, they're the best kind of messages.
Edit: And also when I'm tired. I'm great at messaging when I'm really, really tired.
The women on OKC are frightened when they encounter someone who is smarter than them. Dealing with a dumb guy raises their own self-worth. That's my theory anyway.
jamesinclair
Banned
Liu Kang Baking A Pie
Member
What is this misogynistic shit?
Women are bombarded with messages. They don't care to read long generic praises of profile details. Everyone does that. Grab their attention with a joke or something that makes them think, even if it's something stupid like choosing between cheese and peanut butter.
You can boringly talk about how great of a match you are and what you like about her after you've started dating. Before that point, it's all magnetism and chemistry.
Yeah, I don't know what it is about women on these sites. My opening line for the date I had last night was a minor ribbing about how bright red her lipstick was in her photo.
It comes down to: Fuck actually reading their profiles. Just throw random shit into messages, send and get a date.
That said, my date last night went well, although after we said goodnight to each other she ended up going out with a couple of female friends and drunk dials me at 3am. She then calls me this morning to apologize and tells me she's really not like that. :\
Liu Kang Baking A Pie
Member
What's the problem with this? Sounds like she's really into you. Unless there's extreme clinginess here.
No problem at all. It's just....different.
totally agree, that is my experience as well.
An intelligent, well-written message =/ a long generic message circle jerking her profile.
Writing to a woman who is attracted more to an idiotic line than something that requires a functioning brain is simply a major turn off.
Liu Kang Baking A Pie
Member
It might as well be.
I can tell your definition of "intelligent, well-written message" is different than mine. I send two or three sentences. It is always intelligent and well-written.
You're making so many disgusting assumptions about women, intelligence, and attraction.
As much as I tend to agree with this, the sad thing is a lot of women on these sites don't seem to reply to well thought out messages or messages showing that you actually read their profile.
In this case, you can't blame us guys as I think most, if not all of us have tried messages showing we read their profile and actually take an actual interest in their likes. It's the girls fault (and loss) if they don't want that.
Liu Kang Baking A Pie
Member
You are writing to her. It is assumed you like what you see. She can see your profile. She knows if you're compatible. Messages are for building attraction past profiles and lists of basic hobbies.
I was referring to Darklord's cheese message, which he was even surprised got a reply.
Or I dunno, we are attracted to a different set of personality regarding women. Maybe I should have placed it "to me," but I assumed that was implied because I wrote the message.
Yeah, I told you guys the witty one liners and
weird questions work wonders. Ive gotten so many more replies than before since I started doing it.
With the one date I have set for next Sunday, she wants to talk on the phone or Skype before then. I'd rather not, but with the amount she texts me I figure its inevitable.
weird questions work wonders. Ive gotten so many more replies than before since I started doing it.
With the one date I have set for next Sunday, she wants to talk on the phone or Skype before then. I'd rather not, but with the amount she texts me I figure its inevitable.
Liu Kang Baking A Pie
Member
You're putting out the classic autism spectrum bullshit about how you feel it's unfair that women don't respond to what you feel you have earned through following what you believe to be the proper processes. You're judging them for not responding to intelligent messages (that I assume are dry and redundant) rather than something that triggers a more immediate chemical reaction.
I'm pretty sure we are attracted to similar ladies. We post on a gaming forum. We can construct smart posts and write well. I'm just not judgmental about women that choose to be entertained rather than meticulously wooed. Everyone likes to flirt, no matter where they land on your intelligence meter.
See, this is totally short, witty, and intelligent. The girl was attracted to it and responded with her own intelligent response. It's good flirting.
I sometime tease a woman when she makes a list and forgets to place a comma at the very end. I pretty much follow that approach when that happens.
Well, I decided to go with the darklord approach
should have started with "would you rather..."
Liu Kang Baking A Pie
Member
"I'm not funny or clever" totally gets ladies wet.
subversus is right. Stick with a confident statement.
subversus is right. Stick with a confident statement.
I never said it was "unfair," I said I am not attracted to those type of women. I also never stated there was a "proper process." You're making the assumption that I have a VERY narrow definition of intelligent and well-written messages. There's a difference between saying something witty and clever, like Subversus' message, and then something completely random and dumb like the cheese comment (I'm not meaning to pick on you, Darklord).
Simply posting on a Gaf doesn't mean we have similar tastes in women, otherwise we wouldn't date anyone because of sharp knees or some other insignificant physical "flaw." We don't know each other well enough to make these assumptions.
Though, I'll give you that my initial post was a little harsh.
just listen to your heart
Freezie KO
Banned
I'm completely paralyzed over choosing a name. And GAF is now obsessed with cheese and peanut butter.
mrcheese911
Invisible Man
aka SexyNerd
There you go! And as evidenced in this thread, girls love it!
Freezie KO
Banned
Hahaha. Not bad.
I laughed pretty hard at this, and I would have to agree peanut butter all the way.
For future messages, you're best not using any deprecating humor.
Okay, I actually laughed at that one.
I always thought smileys and ! are too much for these messages
Invisible Man
aka SexyNerd
Oh and since we're posting opening messages, here is the one I sent to the girl I'm currently texting with maybe a date this weekend.
She had mentioned being "the most awesome person in the world?" in her I'm really good at section, which led to this message.
And her response.
We went on for about 20 messages over about 5-6 days before she told me that she was probably going to delete her profile on OKC since she had been getting a lot of creepy messages from guys and that there weren't many guys like me on there. That's also when she gave me her number to text her.
She had mentioned being "the most awesome person in the world?" in her I'm really good at section, which led to this message.
And her response.
PSH. I think you need to re-evaluate your statement. Awesome people don't brag about why they're so awesome
We went on for about 20 messages over about 5-6 days before she told me that she was probably going to delete her profile on OKC since she had been getting a lot of creepy messages from guys and that there weren't many guys like me on there. That's also when she gave me her number to text her.
How could you even have 2x4s made of peanut butter, they wouldn't hold shape, cheese is the only logical answer. sure, peanut butter smells amazing, but cmon!
ok so I just used Az987's message on another girl, shes logged on already too, lets see! I'm not gonna lie, I'm a little embarrassed about this one! I've already messaged this girl before lol
any other suggestions?
ok so I just used Az987's message on another girl, shes logged on already too, lets see! I'm not gonna lie, I'm a little embarrassed about this one! I've already messaged this girl before lol
any other suggestions?
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