Support NeoGAF

[Wreck-It Ralph]

God, I'm so sick of being ugly. I finally got a reply from a girl, and we started having a goofy conversation about breakfast foods. Then suddenly she looks at my profile and stops replying.

Yes, I know I'm unattractive. But you're not signing a goddamn contract to have sex with me by just talking to me. We both have "looking for new friends" checked, but that's obviously a lie because every girl has that checked and none of them are interested in even being friends with someone as ugly as me, not even when we have a high match percentage and similar interests.

 

[ClosingADoor]

God, I'm so sick of being ugly. I finally got a reply from a girl, and we started having a goofy conversation about breakfast foods. Then suddenly she looks at my profile and stops replying.

Yes, I know I'm unattractive. But you're not signing a goddamn contract to have sex with me by just talking to me. We both have "looking for new friends" checked, but that's obviously a lie because every girl has that checked and none of them are interested in even being friends with someone as ugly as me, not even when we have a high match percentage and similar interests.

Hm, that sucks. If you really are concerned about your appearance, maybe online dating isn't the right way for you. It is very, very, very superficial. And I'm guilty as hell of it myself also when messaging girls.

Have you tried working out more and doing some cloth shopping? Might make you feel better and stuff like that does work. Nice pants + button up looks better to most then just jeans and a t-shirt for example.

 

[Symphonia]

God, I'm so sick of being ugly. I finally got a reply from a girl, and we started having a goofy conversation about breakfast foods. Then suddenly she looks at my profile and stops replying.

Yes, I know I'm unattractive. But you're not signing a goddamn contract to have sex with me by just talking to me. We both have "looking for new friends" checked, but that's obviously a lie because every girl has that checked and none of them are interested in even being friends with someone as ugly as me, not even when we have a high match percentage and similar interests.

I can completely sympathise with you there. I've had this happen a number of times, mainly on OKCupid. You can be quite happily engaging with someone before they check your profile, and then suddenly - nothing. Some even completely deactivate their account. Like, really, am I that fugly? It really is a confidence crusher. Over the last few months it's really begun getting to me. I will admit that, recently, I have let myself slip - but I'm not completely ugly, by any means.

It's just further proof that the internet truly is a shallow, superficial cesspool of rude, ignorant twats who take one look at you, decide that because you're ugly by society's standards you must be uninteresting and cut off all contact. Fucking annoying.

 

[User 479360]

I know how you feel. I'm in the same boat, as a not-very-attractive man.

Some girls seem to find me attractive, but not usually the ones I message.

 

[stn]

@Ralph
There was a small period years ago where I flinched a bit because I was convinced a few girls didn't find me attractive. One messaged and stopped replying after I sent more pics, the other messaged me, rated me 5 stars, and then ignored me after a first date. I became bitter for a while.

Then I came back to Earth and realized that I'm just as shallow myself. I basically reject at least 80% of the girls who message me, and I get messaged very often. My point is that the world is a shallow place. The solution is the following:

1. Get in shape if you're already not!
2. Purchase nice clothes that fit you properly
3. Get a clean haircut. If balding, shave your head.
4. Keep your facial hair groomed

You're convinced you're an ugly guy, right? Please proceed to step #1. And then the rest.

 

[Lone_Prodigy]

Fundamentally, it's the double-edged sword of online dating. There are so many people to "choose from" that a better one is always around the corner. And they won't choose you.

Focus on self-improvement and don't let it affect you too much.

 

[Wreck-It Ralph]

@Ralph
There was a small period years ago where I flinched a bit because I was convinced a few girls didn't find me attractive. One messaged and stopped replying after I sent more pics, the other messaged me, rated me 5 stars, and then ignored me after a first date. I became bitter for a while.

Then I came back to Earth and realized that I'm just as shallow myself. I basically reject at least 80% of the girls who message me, and I get messaged very often. My point is that the world is a shallow place. The solution is the following:

1. Get in shape if you're already not!
2. Purchase nice clothes that fit you properly
3. Get a clean haircut. If balding, shave your head.
4. Keep your facial hair groomed

You're convinced you're an ugly guy, right? Please proceed to step #1. And then the rest.

lol

This isn't a matter of, "Oh, one girl stopped replying so I must be ugly."

This is a matter of, "I've messaged nearing 400 people on OKC almost never get replies, and when I do it's usually one reply then they look at my profile and never reply again, and I've gotten zero hits on Tinder despite the fact that I swipe right for everyone."

I could certainly lose weight, but I doubt that would help all that much. I'd still be a pale, freckled ginger, and nobody likes those.

I'd commit murder to have one girl message me, much less so many girls that I could choose who to reply to.

I don't think somebody like you could possibly understand what it's like to be as unattractive as me.

 

[gaiages]

I don't think somebody like you could possibly understand what it's like to be as unattractive as me.

That wasn't directed at me, but that seems a bit rude regardless.

Also, please, that doesn't sound that bad. The thing is, you do have to go out looking for a woman that likes a 'different' type of man, since you're essentially not Mr. Tall, Dark, and (subjectively) Handsome. Like, I like bigger guys for the most part, and the people I tend to date most people find unattractive. As long as you keep yourself clean (like, your clothes look decent, and you don't look dirty), I'm sure that there will be some women that'll find you attractive.

That said, with that overwhelmingly negative attitude, you're going to scare most prospects away. You need to have a bit of confidence in yourself, no matter what your looks are. Working out really isn't a bad start to that, whether you're overweight or just not toned, or whatever.

And, like others have said, online dating isn't for everyone; you'd seem the type of person to benefit more with some real-life face time with people.

If you're okay with it, why not post some pics in the thread? Maybe something can be done with the pictures itself to give you a boost.

----

Also, to answer my own question from quite a while back: If you don't have a picture on OKCupid, your profile is essentially hidden and won't match anyone. Good to know!

 

[Advocatus Diaboli]

I could certainly lose weight, but I doubt that would help all that much. I'd still be a pale, freckled ginger, and nobody likes those.

I'd commit murder to have one girl message me, much less so many girls that I could choose who to reply to.

I don't think somebody like you could possibly understand what it's like to be as unattractive as me.

Ralph, I'm sure you've heard "it" all before, so I won't rehash things. Obviously, "hit the gym and be positive" is easy for people to say; I completely do understand that. I will, however, quibble with some of the purely factual assertions you're making. First, some people do like pale, freckled gingers -- that's going to be a handicap for you, because indeed it's not the prevailing "attractive" archetype, but if nobody liked gingers, the Irish would've gone extinct by now. (Hyperbole, I know. But you get it.)

Second, I have no idea how much you weigh or if weight is the limiting factor in your case. But any incremental improvement you make does help. One change won't magically improve your situation, but it's demonstrably false to suggest -- if weight is your issue -- that losing weight wouldn't help. Again, I'm sure you've this in other threads; however, addressing this specific issue might help your overall goals. Why? You'd presumably be attractive to girls who like gingers, but not chubby gingers.

Third, you're attributing the lack of responses to some platonic ideal you've got in your head about how unattractive you are. No joke: that's probably the case for some girls. But it might also be the messages you're sending. It could be your profile. It could even be the pictures themselves, if they're positively non-flattering. Remember, a thumbnail image of your first picture is displayed with each message. Every time someone checks you out, you're getting over that bar ... which is not always a low one.

Let's work with what you've got. We'll see if you can tighten up your profile and your pictures, and maybe we can do a post-mortem on your conversations to see if they fizzled for other reasons (keeping in mind to redact the girls' information, pictures, and usernames).

 

[stn]

lol

This isn't a matter of, "Oh, one girl stopped replying so I must be ugly."

This is a matter of, "I've messaged nearing 400 people on OKC almost never get replies, and when I do it's usually one reply then they look at my profile and never reply again, and I've gotten zero hits on Tinder despite the fact that I swipe right for everyone."

I could certainly lose weight, but I doubt that would help all that much. I'd still be a pale, freckled ginger, and nobody likes those.

I'd commit murder to have one girl message me, much less so many girls that I could choose who to reply to.

I don't think somebody like you could possibly understand what it's like to be as unattractive as me.

My point wasn't that I've been rejected once, twice, or a hundred times. My point was that... I've been rejected, period. We all have, whether it be by 100 or 400 girls. You are born the way you're born, you have to do your best to make it work. Some people have to work harder than others, its true. What can you do? Its a futile battle because you'll still be the way you are.

You could be obese, you could be too hairy, you could be balding, you could have a small dick, you could have acne, you could have crooked teeth, you could have a big nose, you could be really short, and so forth. The list of what could make a person unattractive is not exhaustive.

Whether I understand what you're going through or not doesn't matter. And that's because the steps I listed are basically the same for any person with any confidence issues. In fact, "go to the gym" is a viable solution for all the factors I listed above. You would be amazed at how great it is to have a good body. And to be able to say you know how to work out properly.

First, get off online dating. If you've been rejected 400 times and you're still trying, you're only hurting yourself. Its madness, almost. Online dating is very superficial, we have no choice but to accept it. As I said, start lifting weights. Devote all that negative energy from online dating into lifting. And don't do it for girls, do it because you want to learn something new, you want to be productive, and you want to look good for yourself.

After all that, come back with your new mentality and try dating again. You won't get far by saying you'd murder someone for the chance to talk to a girl. I sympathize for you because I know times can be hard, but the fact is you will never succeed with that attitude.

EDIT: If you want, PM me a pic of you. I can suggest styling tips and other things. Up to you.

 

[Gray Matter]

Pink floyd girl has responded in over a day

 

[tch]

Matched with a girl on tinder. She asked me out. Got her number, said I'd text her to confirm details. We texted a bit, then I asked when she wanted to meet this weekend. She hasn't responded in over a day, but she has been on tinder. I should just take the L, unmatch her and move on, right?

Also, when I get someone's number and take the convo off of tinder should I unmatch them, or keep them matched as long as I continue talking to them?

 

[GK86]

I would shoot her another message before abandoning ship. I usually leave them matched.

 

[False Witness]

As weird as it may sound, I actually think being below average-looking has been beneficial for me. It makes me a little more approachable maybe? I honestly have no clue.

I've broken pretty much every cardinal rule of online dating sites with my profile and still have my fair share of luck. More than anything else, online dating is absolutely a subjective experience. People's luck will vary vastly for various reasons like region, timing, and all kinds of other things.

Link to my profile.

The one thing I would suggest to everyone is to update your profile at least twice a day. It keeps you in the feed on the main page and puts you higher up in people's search results.

 

[tch]

I would shoot her another message before abandoning ship. I usually leave them matched.

Cool thanks. I didn't want to seem too desperate but I guess it's worth another shot.
She hasn't unmatched me either so I guess she is not completely uninterested.

 

[AnathemicOne]

Met a girl on the site, she was a gamer and shy person so played a couple of LoL matches with her with Skype voice. Connected really well, so I after a week passes I decide to ask her out and meet up so I can know her better aside from gaming. Turns out she already in a relationship. Like, what the fuck.

 

[tch]

That sucks man. At least you tried. Did she do anything to lead you on or are you just disappointed she's unavailable?

 

[AnathemicOne]

That sucks man. At least you tried. Did she do anything to lead you on or are you just disappointed she's unavailable?

Nah no leading on. Since we both enjoyed gaming together we both decided to remain as friends. But yeah a bit disappointing, a little blow to self-esteem but its whatever. Kinda sucks that this is the second girl in a row I've taken a liking to then find out she's unavailable.

 

[gutter_trash]

god damn, Eharmony sucks balls ass. Seriously, I got more things happening on POF for free.

EHarmony has too much back and forth time wasting and instead of judging someone face to face, you get judged by stupid Make n Breaks and questions like that

 

[Tabasco]

So this same girl that I mentioned here before has been dodging me any way she can.

Two weeks ago, we had a text conversation that consisted of her telling me that she doesn't have the time during that weekend because of a job interview and other things. During that time, I just told her to text me whenever she had the time available to meet up, and she agrees to it.

Present day, still no response. I decide to send her a message around noon today asking her what's going on and how her weekend is looking like. Still have yet to receive a response, and probably won't. At this point it is just frustrating, because we have both said we would meet up for the first time nearly two months ago.

She has told me before that sometimes her phone doesn't receive my text messages. I've thought about sending another message to make sure she gets anything, but she could just be making it up.

I'm about ready to give up on her at this point. Thoughts?

 

[gaiages]

I'm about ready to give up on her at this point. Thoughts?

To be honest, you should have given up a while ago, my man. Two months? That's way too long. She very, very, very likely doesn't wanna meet up. She'd text you otherwise, even if her phone "sometimes has issues".

There's plenty of other fish out there.

 

[Gray Matter]

So this same girl that I mentioned here before has been dodging me any way she can.

Two weeks ago, we had a text conversation that consisted of her telling me that she doesn't have the time during that weekend because of a job interview and other things. During that time, I just told her to text me whenever she had the time available to meet up, and she agrees to it.

Present day, still no response. I decide to send her a message around noon today asking her what's going on and how her weekend is looking like. Still have yet to receive a response, and probably won't. At this point it is just frustrating, because we have both said we would meet up for the first time nearly two months ago.

She has told me before that sometimes her phone doesn't receive my text messages. I've thought about sending another message to make sure she gets anything, but she could just be making it up.

I'm about ready to give up on her at this point. Thoughts?

Even I, that usually doesn't let go, would have stopped trying with her. The excuse about her phone not receiving texts is complete bullshit.

 

[GK86]

I would have moved on a month and a half ago. Not worth that time and energy.

 

[Salamando]

If someone has a few moments, could you shoot me a PM?

I'm going to be redoing some profile pics this weekend, and could use some suggestions on my entire face-thing. It'll mostly consist of looking at 5-6 pics, telling me what works, what doesn't, and so on.

 

[Makai]

So this same girl that I mentioned here before has been dodging me any way she can.

Case closed

 

[Kiever Sher]

god damn, Eharmony sucks balls ass. Seriously, I got more things happening on POF for free.

EHarmony has too much back and forth time wasting and instead of judging someone face to face, you get judged by stupid Make n Breaks and questions like that

I tried to join Eharmony this week and they wouldn't take me! Said something about not being able to find anyone so just fuck off (maybe not that last part). Looked it up and they actually pay attention to the questions so they worked out that I'm an anxiety ridden atheist who doesn't want kids I guess.

 

[Zaraki_Kenpachi]

So this same girl that I mentioned here before has been dodging me any way she can.

Two weeks ago, we had a text conversation that consisted of her telling me that she doesn't have the time during that weekend because of a job interview and other things. During that time, I just told her to text me whenever she had the time available to meet up, and she agrees to it.

Present day, still no response. I decide to send her a message around noon today asking her what's going on and how her weekend is looking like. Still have yet to receive a response, and probably won't. At this point it is just frustrating, because we have both said we would meet up for the first time nearly two months ago.

She has told me before that sometimes her phone doesn't receive my text messages. I've thought about sending another message to make sure she gets anything, but she could just be making it up.

I'm about ready to give up on her at this point. Thoughts?

She's lying and she's not interested. Move on already

 

[Rest]

So, I just got a new message dated February 24th, and the person has a deleted or deactivated account on OKC. Seems like a weird glitch, to not give someone their message for over 2 months. Has anyone else had something like this happen?

 

[GK86]

If someone has a few moments, could you shoot me a PM?

I'm going to be redoing some profile pics this weekend, and could use some suggestions on my entire face-thing. It'll mostly consist of looking at 5-6 pics, telling me what works, what doesn't, and so on.

If nobody has helped you, PM me.

 

[Tabasco]

Update:

I was able to get in contact with her, and she told me that she did not receive the message I sent out to her today. She goes on to explain that the past several weeks she has been really busy, and hopes that we can meet next weekend. She also apologized about this.

She still says she will contact me when she has the free time, so I will keep waiting.

 

[Lulubop]

Update:

I was able to get in contact with her, and she told me that she did not receive the message I sent out to her today. She goes on to explain that the past several weeks she has been really busy, and hopes that we can meet next weekend. She also apologized about this.

She still says she will contact me when she has the free time, so I will keep waiting.

Do what the people above advised instead of waiting.

 

[BIGWORM]

Update:

I was able to get in contact with her, and she told me that she did not receive the message I sent out to her today. She goes on to explain that the past several weeks she has been really busy, and hopes that we can meet next weekend. She also apologized about this.

She still says she will contact me when she has the free time, so I will keep waiting.

Nah, man, it's over. Move on.

 

[Tabasco]

I know that her being busy gets really annoying, but I at least want to meet her, and to me it looks like she's still interested. I think the odds are low that she would want to be in a relationship with me, but she could at least be a friend.

It's not like it's easy for me to find someone else right now.

 

[Gray Matter]

I'm not gonna lie, I know how you feel Tabasco. I'm sorta in the same predicament, except much less time.

I sent a message asking if she was free this weekend on Wednesday afternoon and nothing. Altho she hasn't been active on tinder for 3 days so she hasn't seem the message I assume. Hopefully she gets back to me soon.

 

[Symphonia]

A girl I've been back-and-forth texting (who I met on Tinder) has, over the last few days, become more and more distant. I confronted her about it yesterday and she was pretty direct - though she thinks I'm 'a lovely guy' and 'really handsome' she also thinks there is nothing between us. I find this hard to believe as we have loads in common and are attracted to one another. Now, my mind has gone into overdrive about as to why all of a sudden this has happened, and the one reason it comes back to is that she found someone else. Feels shit, bro.

 

[davepoobond]

Update:

I was able to get in contact with her, and she told me that she did not receive the message I sent out to her today. She goes on to explain that the past several weeks she has been really busy, and hopes that we can meet next weekend. She also apologized about this.

She still says she will contact me when she has the free time, so I will keep waiting.

what that really means is "yeah i saw your texts, stop texting me"


dont be surprised if she doesnt contact you.

 

[jadedm17]

lol

This isn't a matter of, "Oh, one girl stopped replying so I must be ugly."

This is a matter of, "I've messaged nearing 400 people on OKC almost never get replies, and when I do it's usually one reply then they look at my profile and never reply again, and I've gotten zero hits on Tinder despite the fact that I swipe right for everyone."

I could certainly lose weight, but I doubt that would help all that much. I'd still be a pale, freckled ginger, and nobody likes those.

I'd commit murder to have one girl message me, much less so many girls that I could choose who to reply to.

I don't think somebody like you could possibly understand what it's like to be as unattractive as me.

On 400 people : I'm damn near the same, but I'm sure there's millions of girls that'd have no interest in me and equally so I wouldn't take an interest in, we all have our own opinions.

On pale freckled ginger : The great thing about having our own opinions is there's somebody that likes, even loves, exactly who you are - physically, mentally, emotionally - right now. I've met a few girls recently who share my pale, freckled redhead love but for males.

 

[Jokab]

A girl I've been back-and-forth texting (who I met on Tinder) has, over the last few days, become more and more distant. I confronted her about it yesterday and she was pretty direct - though she thinks I'm 'a lovely guy' and 'really handsome' she also thinks there is nothing between us. I find this hard to believe as we have loads in common and are attracted to one another. Now, my mind has gone into overdrive about as to why all of a sudden this has happened, and the one reason it comes back to is that she found someone else. Feels shit, bro.

Sometimes the chemistry just isn't there. Honestly don't overthink this stuff, good-looking girls on Tinder have loads of matches to choose and it's going to be difficult to separate yourself from the rest. It's possible you waited too long to ask her out and she got bored and/or found someone else that swept her off her feet.

 

[MonorailCat]

argh, asked another girl to meet me after talking a few days and got another "busy the next several weeks" but "maybe after that". Yeah sure.
Why don't they just say they aren't interested in a meeting. Sigh. Liked that one.

 

[Gray Matter]

I'm beginning to realized that you need to be mentally tough (which I'm not) to do online dating. Rejections, no replies get to you and it's tough on the confidence level.

 

[ClosingADoor]

argh, asked another girl to meet me after talking a few days and got another "busy the next several weeks" but "maybe after that". Yeah sure.
Why don't they just say they aren't interested in a meeting. Sigh. Liked that one.

Are you asking through online messaging? Go for the number sooner, you'll filter out the uninterested ones quicker.

 

[Jokab]

Are you asking through online messaging? Go for the number sooner, you'll filter out the uninterested ones quicker.

To be fair last week I got flaked on twice by a girl who gave me her number, and still hasn't rescheduled after the second one. I guess there's a lower probability of that happening though.

 

[Xun]

I think I'm going to give up in online dating to be honest.

I get plenty of matches, but nothing ever really happens.

It has gotten to the point where I'm just not bothered to message the people I match with, especially since I already know the outcome.

 

[ClosingADoor]

To be fair last week I got flaked on twice by a girl who gave me her number, and still hasn't rescheduled after the second one. I guess there's a lower probability of that happening though.

True, you never know. Had the same thing happen sometime also (and did it to other people myself...) but the changes are a bit lower, since you moved to a more personal form of communication.

 

[False Witness]

Heh, you can always tell when GAF has made a visit to your profile. It also further confirms my notion that being below-average looking is actually a boon for online dating. Y'all are some good looking motherfuckers.

 

[War Peaceman]

Heh, you can always tell when GAF has made a visit to your profile. It also further confirms my notion that being below-average looking is actually a boon for online dating. Y'all are some good looking motherfuckers.

Haha. Just had a peep at yours. Cut the length to a quarter of what it is.

I think a good way to approach it is to elegantly create hooks for visitors - bands/genres/what is xyz? Pique the interest.

I think I have in mine though I'd have to check, references to more 'girly' things like Mean Girls and Abba, that show a 'softer' side. This looks like it is an embarrassing admission (it is not, both are great) whilst also appealing to a lot of people. Try to be relatable, basically!

 

[False Witness]

Haha. Just had a peep at yours. Cut the length to a quarter of what it is.

I think a good way to approach it is to elegantly create hooks for visitors - bands/genres/what is xyz? Pique the interest.

I think I have in mine though I'd have to check, references to more 'girly' things like Mean Girls and Abba, that show a 'softer' side. This looks like it is an embarrassing admission (it is not, both are great) whilst also appealing to a lot of people. Try to be relatable, basically!

I actually used to have a rather short profile that followed all of the rules you see people post around here, but it was pretty much dead at all times.

My current one actually attracts more visitors and gets me more messages out of the blue than the one that had everything the way it "was supposed to be". I've looked around at the other guys in my area and I think just being slightly different gives me that little boost.

 

[War Peaceman]

I actually used to have a rather short profile that followed all of the rules you see people post around here, but it was pretty much dead at all times.

My current one actually attracts more visitors and gets me more messages out of the blue than the one that had everything the way it "was supposed to be". I've looked around at the other guys in my area and I think just being slightly different gives me that little boost.

Hmm fair enough! Can't argue with experience. Good luck to you PS you are one of those handsome gaf fellows you described, shameful humblebrag

 

[User 479360]

I got a really nice message from a 20-year old girl who lives about an hour away. It came out of the blue, and focused on how much she liked my profile.

I'm not really attracted to her and can't do long distance, but I replied and we're talking. I let her know that I don't want to enter into anything long distance with her, so we're just talking as friends.

 

[Makai]

I actually used to have a rather short profile that followed all of the rules you see people post around here, but it was pretty much dead at all times.

My current one actually attracts more visitors and gets me more messages out of the blue than the one that had everything the way it "was supposed to be". I've looked around at the other guys in my area and I think just being slightly different gives me that little boost.

Mine's like one line for each section. I figure the photo is the most important thing for most people.