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Online Dating |OT| Please Respond

Z

Zaraki_Kenpachi

Member
Gray Matter said:
I'm beginning to realized that you need to be mentally tough (which I'm not) to do online dating. Rejections, no replies get to you and it's tough on the confidence level.
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To be honest though, it's not really about being mentally tough but rather it's about having confidence in who you are. It sucks and will still hit you at times but why do you allow yourself to base your self worth off of another person? Are you not happy with yourself? If you are then a random chick you meet shouldn't have you reevaluating yourself because she personally doesn't want to date you.
 
L

Lulubop

Member
Boozy brunch date in a bit. This girl is really cute, matched with her again on Tinder last night and we set this up pretty fast. I had got her number before but I was pretty whatever about it. Anyway, this should be fun.
 
G

GrizzNKev

Banned
Tfw you match with the girl of your dreams and you know she's online constantly but only replies to your messages at like a 3-5 hour delay

The anxiety, pls
 
G

GrizzNKev

Banned
Gray Matter said:
Same here bro, it's been 4 days.
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Not to mention the last one I was doing well with flaked out as the date approached and then stopped replying entirely. My problems have changed from not getting matches to all of my matches not putting in the effort to communicate with me. :(
 
C

ClosingADoor

Member
GrizzNKev said:
Tfw you match with the girl of your dreams and you know she's online constantly but only replies to your messages at like a 3-5 hour delay

The anxiety, pls
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You never met her, don't built up an image already in your head. It's hard, I know. Sent a message and forget. And don't get stuck on one girl when chatting, keep talking to others.

Gray Matter said:
Same here bro, it's been 4 days.
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Time to move on probably. That's not looking good.
 
G

GrizzNKev

Banned
ClosingADoor said:
You never met her, don't built up an image already in your head. It's hard, I know. Sent a message and forget. And don't get stuck on one girl when chatting, keep talking to others.
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I was exaggerating obviously, and I do talk to other girls. It just seems rude to look at someone's messages and not reply.
 
G

GrizzNKev

Banned
Makai said:
It's a lot of work to respond when there's an ever-flowing stream of messages.
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This is on tinder though. She liked me first. And we have the same interests, are under the same very large umbrella of our employer, and have a mutual friend from several years ago on the other side of the country who is entirely coincidental.

I dunno, we haven't talked much but I'm extremely interested. Thus, anxiety.
 
C

ClosingADoor

Member
GrizzNKev said:
I was exaggerating obviously, and I do talk to other girls. It just seems rude to look at someone's messages and not reply.
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It's annoying for sure, but what can you do. Honestly I do it myself sometime too if I don't feel like responding, or waiting for someone else to confirm a date to prevent scheduling at the same time, or just busy with something.

You never know, hope it works out for you.
 
G

GrizzNKev

Banned
Gray Matter said:
According the GAF it makes you seem desperate. I don't understand either.
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I get liked about 5 times a week on OKC. I ignore most of them, but if I'm interested in one of those people and start a conversation, I give them my full attention because it's respectful to do so. I don't get why anyone thinks dropping 1-2 replies and then vanishing for the rest of the day is the right way to play the online dating game.
 
G

gaiages

Banned
Ack, well, my OKCupid profile is all done, except for putting pictures up. They're probably gonna be so bland (unless I can actually get a picture of me with some friends before my face turns red from sipping a half a drink... like a true Irishwoman), but what can you do.

Now I'm anxious for some reason. :/ I'm weird like that. I browsed a few profiles and saw this one that looked awesome looks/personality wise and I'm all like "no way I'm gonna get that, even though I'm totes gonna message him", which is a horrible way to think. I'll need to get over that in the next couple of days while I work out my pictures, because... well, that's online dating, dammit.

No advice needed, just venting real quick.
 
M

Makai

Member
GrizzNKev said:
I get liked about 5 times a week on OKC. I ignore most of them, but if I'm interested in one of those people and start a conversation, I give them my full attention because it's respectful to do so. I don't get why anyone thinks dropping 1-2 replies and then vanishing for the rest of the day is the right way to play the online dating game.
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They're probably in the middle of other convos or real life.
 
stn

stn

Member
@GrayMatter

You need to have thicker skin if you wish to survive online dating, dude. That's the cold truth. Link to your profile? I can provide feedback.
 
L

Lulubop

Member
So it went really well and she wanted to hang again Saturday, but she mentioned her being confused about what she's looking for. I'm really not trying to be friends unless it's fwb. She was the one who wrote me first on Tinder and what not, the one who was lets hang out. Then she mentioned some other date and how she was salty he messed things up. To me I feel like I'm not as attractive as she thought I'd be and I'm starting to get that vibe. My coincidence is really low right now. I swear I'm like Gladiator from Marvel with this shit.
 
stn

stn

Member
Self Summary said:
simple guy. I am very open and easy to have a conversation with. Funny, sarcastic, nerdy, and very enthusiastic.
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Never refer to yourself as simple. Girls will assume you're either passive or lack complexity. Or easy to please. All of which are not appealing in the "dating game" stage. You describe yourself as funny but you don't show it. Show me you're funny. I recommend making one good joke as your self summary.

What I’m doing with my life said:
Recently joined the workforce, making strides to be the best at my current profession and taking it slow.
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This is okay but really boring. You basically said you work. Doesn't mean much to people who don't know you. State what you do for a living but then throw a curveball by adding something funny after.

I’m really good at said:
Remembering the most random facts you could think of.

Saying inappropriate things during the right time.

Binge watching 10 years worth of televions in a week.

Among other things.
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This is okay but I'd still change it. Show some confidence in something you're really proud of being good at. Or just make something up that is catchy.

Favorite books said:
Music- rock, heavy/progressive/black metal.

Black sabbath
Led Zeppelin
The doors
Pink floyd
Jimmi Hendrix
Metallica
Between the buried and me
Ozric tentacles
Nirvana

TV- anything that is a drama, love them.

Breaking bad
Game of thrones
True detective
Peaky blinders
House of cards

Book/movies- anything that is sci-Fi and adventure.

Food- as long as it looks appealing, I'll eat it.
The six things I could never do without
Music
Warm weather
Video games
Comedy
Internet
TV
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This is also okay but I'd condense it. Do you know what I wrote? "I like to watch Suits. That way I can watch myself playing Harvey Specter." I tied that in because I'm in law. I often receive messages saying stuff like "I like Mike Ross more ;)) or "You're not really Harvey!!! :D" Its playful and girls pick up on it.

I spend a lot of time thinking about said:
The future. Something that happens today can change the course of our lives and we might not even know it.
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Wayyyyyy too serious. Don't give off the vibe that you're a day-dreamer. Show that you're fun before anything else.

On a typical Friday night I am said:
At home relaxing after a week of working watching whatever TV show I'm into and/or playing video games, or out with the friends.
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Same critique again. Be more creative. Have fun with it. Make a joke, be playful. Make something flirty.

You should message me if said:
If you want someone that doesn't hold back. I try to stay 100% honest, I say it like it is, and also someone that can make you laugh... Maybe.
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Again, boring. The feeling you want to give the person on the other side is that messaging you will improve their life. They will have fun if they message you. You will provide them with good banter and potentially good times. Also, never put "maybe". You either are or you aren't, be confident.

Also, remove your third pic. The vibe you give off in your first two pics is very good. Also, you're good looking enough to have girls message you. Change your profile completely and start playing the numbers game. Message a girl with something funny. Right after you click "send", forget about her and move on to the next one. This is how its done. Please feel free to ask if I can be of more help. :)
 
M

Makai

Member
Your profile looks totally fine. You have a good photo and aren't throwing up a lot of red flags. The specifics of a profile don't matter too much because most people will cast judgment after glancing at your photo and skimming your profile. Just don't get hung up on The One and send out a bunch of messages.

There are a few typos in your profile and I would change Income from Rather Not Say to empty or your actual income. Rather Not Say sounds like you're ashamed. You're in college, so nobody should expect you to have a high income.

Personality: "less experienced in life"
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Haha.
 
S

Salamando

Member
Where'd the jury end up on mentioning "Video Games" in your profile? Saw Gray Matter mention it twice and was wondering if it was helping or hindering him.
 
M

Makai

Member
Salamando said:
Where'd the jury end up on mentioning "Video Games" in your profile? Saw Gray Matter mention it twice and was wondering if it was helping or hindering him.
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Video games are a mainstream activity for teenage guys. If he's automatically disqualified for that, just imagine when they find out he is an active user on a video game internet forum. We can only conjecture how people will react to various items in his profile, so focusing on it is probably a distraction. Visiting and messaging many people is a proven strategy for success.
 
L

Lulubop

Member
Got home. Looking myself in the mirror like damm I'm a qt. Whats going on with this slump? Smh. Feeling fraudulent. Just wanna sleep
 
L

LastGamer84

Member
I figured I'd jump in the thread and ask for some help with my profile as well. A couple of female friends helped me set up a profile, but I feel like I'm not getting anywhere. Only had a few conversations with two women, and it seems like every time I find a woman who has the same interests as me they never message back.

Any tips are appreciated, just try not to run in fear at my ginger mug.

http://www.okcupid.com/profile/joe-it
 
G

gaiages

Banned
Grey Matter - I can tell you it's not your pictures. stn's advice is pretty good, imo :3

LastGamer - Honestly, I don't really like the pictures in yours too much. The filters or whatever on the second and especially the third look kinda funky. And you're wearing the same shirt in both. A normal version of one of those pictures would probably work much better for you (and you'd probably want to make that your main picture too), methinks :3 Not sure what to really do with your actual profile though, sorry :(
 
L

Laekon

Member
Recently turned my Okcupid profile back on to compare with a 23/24 yr old girl in a class I'm taking. Well actually I was showing it to her trying to figure out what she thought of our age difference as I got over a decade on her. She showed me messages sent to her and most of them were just "hi".

In the mean time a women just a few years younger actually messaged me which didn't happen often before. The fact that she isn't a lonely mom makes it a very rare occurrence. I find I always end up writing these long messages no matter how I try to keep it short. One word answers don't help to create a conversation in my mind.

What I find hard is being flirty/building chemistry when your just going back and forth with basic info of your lives. Any tips for this? I normally just push for meeting in person fairly quickly instead of wasting time chating online.
 
M

Makai

Member
LastGamer84 said:
I figured I'd jump in the thread and ask for some help with my profile as well. A couple of female friends helped me set up a profile, but I feel like I'm not getting anywhere. Only had a few conversations with two women, and it seems like every time I find a woman who has the same interests as me they never message back.

Any tips are appreciated, just try not to run in fear at my ginger mug.

http://www.okcupid.com/profile/joe-it
Click to expand...
You're advertising to a very specific and (probably) small group by only showing your geeky side. Reveal some of your more mainstream interests. Based on the clues you left in your profile, I think your faith would be a good candidate. If you are "very serious" about your Christian faith, tell us how.
 
L

LastGamer84

Member
Makai said:
You're advertising to a very specific and (probably) small group by only showing your geeky side. Reveal some of your more mainstream interests. Based on the clues you left in your profile, I think your faith would be a good candidate. If you are "very serious" about your Christian faith, tell us how.
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See, I don't really play up the faith angle because, while I believe what I believe, I genuinely enjoy having conversations with people who have different beliefs than me. So while I'm "serious", I'm fine with other belief systems.

I guess I should ask, is it better to downplay my geeky side? I don't like misleading people, I'm sort of blunt that way.

LastGamer - Honestly, I don't really like the pictures in yours too much. The filters or whatever on the second and especially the third look kinda funky. And you're wearing the same shirt in both. A normal version of one of those pictures would probably work much better for you (and you'd probably want to make that your main picture too), methinks :3 Not sure what to really do with your actual profile though, sorry :(
Click to expand...

Yeah, one of my friends took a couple and thought the filter looked nice. I wasn't opposed to it but I can see where it might look weird. Thanks for the tip.
 
A

Advocatus Diaboli

Member
Laekon said:
I find I always end up writing these long messages no matter how I try to keep it short. One word answers don't help to create a conversation in my mind.

What I find hard is being flirty/building chemistry when your just going back and forth with basic info of your lives. Any tips for this? I normally just push for meeting in person fairly quickly instead of wasting time chating online.
Click to expand...

Honestly, I've historically run the gamut. The girl I'm currently dating -- she messaged me, asked me out for a drink, and I agreed. She sent a confirmation, and we switched to texting. Other girls I've dated, things started with briefer messages (paragraph or two, tops) but gradually got longer because we made an effort to respond to every question posed.

You shouldn't be writing one word answers. And you don't have to talk about basic info, either. I figure, unless you're really having a lengthy back-and-forth series of messages (and even if you are!), invite them out for drinks early. You're doing it right.
 
megamerican

megamerican

Member
Salamando said:
Where'd the jury end up on mentioning "Video Games" in your profile? Saw Gray Matter mention it twice and was wondering if it was helping or hindering him.
Click to expand...

I'd say video games are cool if they're seen as one of many interests. If it comes off as more of a defining thing then it probably hurts.

The last girl I brought back to my apartment saw my entertainment stand and said "you have TWO video game systems!?" in a tone like one would be bad enough.
 
L

Laekon

Member
megamerican said:
I'd say video games are cool if they're seen as one of many interests. If it comes off as more of a defining thing then it probably hurts.

The last girl I brought back to my apartment saw my entertainment stand and said "you have TWO video game systems!?" in a tone like one would be bad enough.
Click to expand...

Tell them one is for blu-rays.
 
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