Got a date for Friday with a really good looking girl who also seems really cool in the few text conversations we had. And SHE asked ME for a coffee meet-up.
Something is wrong. Expecting the catch any time now
Redid my okcupid account, sent out like, 10 or so messages. 0 replies. I know that's not necessarily a bad thing, but this entire system seems like it's little more than a messy feeding frenzy for guys to prey on women's inboxes.
So, I just got home from a friend's. I met her on OkCupid. Sent her a message the other day, and she didn't talk much (due to being tired), and then she messaged me out of the blue yesterday. She didn't seem interested, so I'd stopped focusing.
We texted for a lot of the day, and she said she wanted a loyal boyfriend or a friend from the site. Anyways, one thing led to another and I said I'd like to take her out on a date. She immediately said, "How about tonight at 8?" We didn't get together until 9, but I picked her up and drove to the lake, where she wanted to go for a walk, but it was too cold. She's anemic.
We talked in the van for a while, then went to Tim Horton's and back to her place where she invited me in at about 10. We hung out, played with her cat, and watched a bit of Electra, but she got bored and wanted to lay down. I'd asked if she'd wanted to cuddle (lol), and that's where she wanted to do it.
I'd said I'd go home whenever she wanted me to or wanted to go to bed, but she said she'd rather me spend the night and not drive home late due to being tired. So, we cuddled for quite a while and talked, then she got on top of me and started kissing me. One thing led to another, and my eleven year drought ended!
We both got up at 7:30am, and laid in bed for most of the day. I mentioned that I should go, but she asked me to stay longer and said she didn't want me to leave because I understand her (we both have similar issues) and she liked hanging out with me.
Her meds cause her to fall asleep during the day, so I just held her while she slept. She'd get really close and sleep on me, then move over because of her back. We did that for hours.
She was honest, and said she's been talking to two other guys. One she's not interested in, and one she'd been talking to before me, but told that she was visiting her parents last night because she wanted to go out with me first. She wants to give him a chance to make sure she's sure of her decision before deciding to pursue anything with me.
That said, she did keep mentioning wanting to do a movie date at her place tomorrow night or soon.
GAF is always saying how a picture of you doing something active gives you better odds, so I uploaded a picture of me after doing a 20 mile bike ride, hopefully it works.
Damn, I have no pics like that because I don't photograph myself like that or have friends who think "let's take a picture of this moment and put it on social media"
I may have to try and force a situation like this lol
Maybe I can get somebody on here to look at my profile
She was honest, and said she's been talking to two other guys. One she's not interested in, and one she'd been talking to before me, but told that she was visiting her parents last night because she wanted to go out with me first. She wants to give him a chance to make sure she's sure of her decision before deciding to pursue anything with me.
That said, she did keep mentioning wanting to do a movie date at her place tomorrow night or soon.
First off, awesome! Glad your dry spell ended and that you've seemingly found someone wonderful. However, this gives me pause. I'll applaud her honesty and confirm that she's got every right to date whoever she wants right now ... but it's incumbent upon you to influence her choice. Don't simply wait around and hope her next date goes poorly. You need to confirm a movie date tomorrow night right now, and after that date ends, set something else up -- and I want you to get firm dates, rather than "we'll do something soon."
Your gameplan, essentially, is that you're going to be so much fun to be with and capitalize on the fact that she enjoys spending time with you -- so much that she won't even have the time or mental energy to date someone else. (Even though she's certainly got the right.) Strike while the iron is hot.
I have a love/hate relationship with people who put zero effort into replies. When I first joined OKCupid (nearly four years ago, wow) I was a bit naive, and would ask relatively deep questions relating to their interests. One of the first women I spoke to mentioned religion on her profile, and that she was a strong believer in God. I, in all my naivety, sent her a message asking about her beliefs, and a little statement about my own religious beliefs, and all I got back - in response to two detailed paragraphs - was "Ye...".
At the time, I was fairly peeved and a little upset. But thinking back, that, along with so many similar occurences since then, seem so petty to the point of them being downright hilarious. A lesson I took away from that, and one that has served me well and works, is to keep your messages short and sweet, no more than two sentences, but keep them relevant to whomever you're messaging.
A lesson I took away from that, and one that has served me well and works, is to keep your messages short and sweet, no more than two sentences, but keep them relevant to whomever you're messaging.
And, for what it's worth: I've totally had different experiences. The relevant bit's important, and I agree with not writing novellas, but ... I can't think of any message I've sent that wasn't at least two paragraphs long. On my end, I generally ignored any message I received that was a sentence or two -- you've got to put in substantially more effort than "hey," at least.
But it really depends on your use case. This round on OKCupid, I think I initiated conversations three times and got replies twice? Otherwise, I was a passive user; I just responded to messages. If you're mass-blasting 50 messages a day, there's simply not enough time to craft longer messages. But there are definitely those women out there who appreciate longer, thoughtful messages, as they're word nuggets in a sea of misogynist shit.
I have a love/hate relationship with people who put zero effort into replies. When I first joined OKCupid (nearly four years ago, wow) I was a bit naive, and would ask relatively deep questions relating to their interests. One of the first women I spoke to mentioned religion on her profile, and that she was a strong believer in God. I, in all my naivety, sent her a message asking about her beliefs, and a little statement about my own religious beliefs, and all I got back - in response to two detailed paragraphs - was "Ye...".
At the time, I was fairly peeved and a little upset. But thinking back, that, along with so many similar occurences since then, seem so petty to the point of them being downright hilarious. A lesson I took away from that, and one that has served me well and works, is to keep your messages short and sweet, no more than two sentences, but keep them relevant to whomever you're messaging.
Hah yeah. I didn't write a paragraph in this case, just a simple question.
Some people I wrote like 3 or 4 sentences for. I guess that is a paragraph. I don't think I have better success from that vs the one liner. When I started out I didn't know what would or wouldn't get people to respond (didnt have this thread to share experiences with) so I had even less success back then.
I was sending like 10-20 or so a day for a while until I realized I was spending way too much time doing it. Now I probably do that per week and it is a lot less time intensive and the feeling of futility doesn't come around as often haha
Decided to take down my OKC profile for about a month. After getting demoralized after a crappy response rate (which was likely due to a creepy profile pic...GK86 and gaiages know what I'm talking about there), a bunch of other things happened that's just completely killed my luck. Need some time for it to recharge. Plus I won't have a free weekend until June...
Every single girl I've been interested in except the one I had the bad date with has flaked or faded. So damn annoying. I have a pile of contacts in my phone, all girls who stopped talking to me. I never hesitate to get their number and ask them out, but once we're past that, busy schedules, mind changing, and complete silence stop me from getting anywhere.
Every single girl I've been interested in except the one I had the bad date with has flaked or faded. So damn annoying. I have a pile of contacts in my phone, all girls who stopped talking to me. I never hesitate to get their number and ask them out, but once we're past that busy schedules, mind changing, and complete silence stop me from getting anywhere.
Every single girl I've been interested in except the one I had the bad date with has flaked or faded. So damn annoying. I have a pile of contacts in my phone, all girls who stopped talking to me. I never hesitate to get their number and ask them out, but once we're past that, busy schedules, mind changing, and complete silence stop me from getting anywhere.
You get their number and ask them out, but do you actually make it to the first date or not? That's a very important data point we can explore. What sorts of dates are you proposing? (Frankly, I don't think there's anything better than happy hour on a weeknight.)
Not at all, actually. Ruling out bad matches is a (small) victory in itself. At the very least, he knows not to waste his time with people prone to flaking.
Am I just getting bored with online dating? Went out tonight with a nice girl from Tinder. She's pretty, we have plenty in common, but I just wasn't feeling it. I dunno. I feel like lately there's been a spark of excitement missing and I can't figure out if its the girls I'm seeing or me.
Maybe it's time to take a break from dating for awhile.
She responded, said she was extremely busy handling finals at school, which sounds legit. We talked for a bit (3-4 messages) and decided to plainly ask her out since she will be finished with finals this week so I didn't want to wait another week to hear back. She got back to me a few hours later, saying that she too enjoyed our conversation but isn't looking for anything more than friendship.
I think you missed your window of opportunity when you kept talking too much about the same subject. I learned that if you dwell on the same subject for more than two messages, the girl is going to bored and not be inclined to meet up since the novelty is going to wear off fast. Take this as a learning experience on that. If anything, then at least you had a decent conversation with a stranger.
The way I see it, maybe she can introduce you to other friends. More female friends are always a good thing in my book.
Thanks for the tips! I wasn't sure what the rules were on posting pictures without myself in them. I'd seen others do it but I'll switch them out ASAP. I went ahead and delete the two weird pictures - now I just need to get one of my friends to take some better ones. I also edited my profile to not have quite as much gaming/nerd stuff at the forefront. I would really love to find a cute nerdy girl but they don't seem to be prevalent in my area.
No problem. As I told Gray Matter, your best bet might be to attend local meetup groups in addition to going to local cons. Since you're in Illinois, I imagine that most of the local cons must happen in Chicago. I met a few girls volunteering at a gaming event here in NYC a few weeks ago that were all game design students or gamer girls. I forgot to stay in contact with one of them but they were cool.
Regardless of the fact, keep at it. Maybe there's girls in your area that are secret nerds on the low but don't like to advertise it on their profile because of the "gamer" stigma.
Even though it's a big travel season, late May through early September is the summer fling season if that's you're looking for. Girls are more willing to come out during the hotter weather. Pro tip: if you ever hook up with a girl during the summer, make sure you have you have either a fan or AC on or expect to sweat like a roast pig on a rotisserie. I learned that the hard way and suffice to say, it was a salty, sweaty affair that made it feel like we were in a sauna.
I was afraid you were gonna bail out at the last second. ;p
Dude, if she suggested tomorrow then stick with tomorrow considering the fact that you have competition. That being said, things are looking pretty damn good for you so keep it up.
I know you're looking for a serious relationship and all but at the same time, I would suggest not to get your eggs in one basket with her and go with the flow. In the mean time, you should keep your options open and date other girls while she figures it out.
Decided to take down my OKC profile for about a month. After getting demoralized after a crappy response rate (which was likely due to a creepy profile pic...GK86 and gaiages know what I'm talking about there), a bunch of other things happened that's just completely killed my luck. Need some time for it to recharge. Plus I won't have a free weekend until June...
I don't blame you to be honest so good on you to do that if you know things in your personal life aren't going well. I've been taking a break from online dating/dating in general for my own personal reasons and while I occasionally long to be with a woman, it's been for the better.
Makonero said:
Am I just getting bored with online dating? Went out tonight with a nice girl from Tinder. She's pretty, we have plenty in common, but I just wasn't feeling it. I dunno. I feel like lately there's been a spark of excitement missing and I can't figure out if its the girls I'm seeing or me.
Maybe it's time to take a break from dating for awhile.
I know that feel bro. I went out with a decent girl from Tinder back in February and we hit it off well because we were both Hispanic, born and raised in the city, and living with the parents which she was cool about.
However, I never really offered to meet up with her again that I texted her sporadically to have random conversations about Boston. It naturally fizzled out that she stopped replying to my texts so I deleted her number. I think that all I wanted was a friend, not really anything romantic. That was the last time I went out with someone before I took a break from it all and uninstalled Tinder.
I do think that taking a break from dating does give you introspective and lets you focus on other things such as hanging out with friends. Not mention reassessing priorities. It might be that you've become jaded and cynical about dating like me.
Eh, I don't think I missed a chance. From the beginning her bio said she's looking for people to talk to, meaning nothing serious, which is fine by me, but at least lets go out and see how things go between us. Fuck it though, I'm starting to handle rejection better.
And I have a second date with a girl off Tinder tonight, excited! She was initially incredibly busy this whole week with school and other commitments, but then she suggested we meet tonight. She's way more into me than the first girl I went "further" with from Tinder, a really nice feeling. I think I might be onto something here.
Am I just getting bored with online dating? Went out tonight with a nice girl from Tinder. She's pretty, we have plenty in common, but I just wasn't feeling it. I dunno. I feel like lately there's been a spark of excitement missing and I can't figure out if its the girls I'm seeing or me.
Maybe it's time to take a break from dating for awhile.
I know the feeling, but unfortunately I don't know the answer. It could just be that we've had enough bland dates to not really expect anything from our new ones. I agree entirely that there seems to be a spark that's missing from online dating, but I don't know if that's just because I haven't found someone that I really click with, or if online dating in general has become autonomous for me.
Even though it's a big travel season, late May through early September is the summer fling season if that's you're looking for. Girls are more willing to come out during the hotter weather. Pro tip: if you ever hook up with a girl during the summer, make sure you have you have either a fan or AC on or expect to sweat like a roast pig on a rotisserie. I learned that the hard way and suffice to say, it was a salty, sweaty affair that made it feel like we were in a sauna.
I know the feeling, but unfortunately I don't know the answer. It could just be that we've had enough bland dates to not really expect anything from our new ones. I agree entirely that there seems to be a spark that's missing from online dating, but I don't know if that's just because I haven't found someone that I really click with, or if online dating in general has become autonomous for me.
I think for me, as someone who never dated much in high school or college, the excitement of dating has lost its edge. So when before even a mediocre date was at least a novel experience, now it really is just mediocre. And I don't want mediocre, I want exciting! I'm not ready to give up just yet, but maybe I really should. A break from it might refresh things and get me excited again down the road. Or maybe I just haven't found someone I click with as of late. I dunno.
Congrats on the good luck to those who've had it, and best of luck to those who haven't. Also, thank you all for the continued support, tips and kind words. I really do appreciate it and respect it.
We talked yesterday. She had a friend (male) over, but said there was nothing sexual between them. I didn't let it bug me, because I'll trust her and it's her decision not mine. We're not in a relationship.
She texted this morning, and asked if we were still on for tonight's movie date, to which I replied yes. I'm not sure of what time we'll do it, but it's good to hear she's still interested.
P.S. I did 'wrap it up.' No worries there. She had condoms, else I would've gone to buy some. I put it on wrong over a bit of pre-y'know, but she's on birth control.
We talked yesterday. She had a friend (male) over, but said there was nothing sexual between them. I didn't let it bug me, because I'll trust her and it's her decision not mine. We're not in a relationship.
She texted this morning, and asked if we were still on for tonight's movie date, to which I replied yes. I'm not sure of what time we'll do it, but it's good to hear she's still interested.
Good job! Your date is tonight. You need to figure out when, exactly, so that you can prepare. Text her back this: "Excited for tonight! How about 7?" Also, she's telling you about the other guy because she's likely signaling that you're in the pole position (pun intended).
Just remember what I said: after the movie date is over, provided you've had a good time, say that and lock down another date, in person, using your words, so that you needn't rely on text.
Good job! Your date is tonight. You need to figure out when, exactly, so that you can prepare. Text her back this: "Excited for tonight! How about 7?" Also, she's telling you about the other guy because she's likely signaling that you're in the pole position (pun intended).
Just remember what I said: after the movie date is over, provided you've had a good time, say that and lock down another date, in person, using your words, so that you needn't rely on text.
The date was planned before, but confirmed via text. When I left, I told her to text me when she'd like to and that I'd had a good time. I basically said that she should explore her other option(s) and then let me know when she wanted to get together for the movie date. But she stuck to tonight, which she had mentioned not long after we got to her place. Prior to me sucking at sex.
I will do what you said. Thanks. Outside of the time thing. I asked what time she wanted to hang out, but I can't do 7:30 because I have to look after my senile grandmother. Three people in my family are physically disabled and I'm a caregiver since I'm mentally disabled and live at home.
Others are going out to celebrate an upcoming milestone, and will be back shortly after that, so I told her between 8 and 9. She's perfectly fine with it.
I'm going to go pick up some snacks at Walmart en route, including the crackers that she told me she loves. I hope I can find them. She's on disability and spends most of it per month on rent for a very tiny basement, so she should be delighted.
Also, unless she brings it up or gets physical, I'm not planning to instigate sex.
Others are going out to celebrate an upcoming milestone, and will be back shortly after that, so I told her between 8 and 9. She's perfectly fine with it.
Good to hear it's going well. I would advice to set specific times in the future. Otherwise the other will just be waiting, since you can show up any time. It also seems a bit like you find other things more important then her, but it depends on the person if they really mind of course.
Good to hear it's going well. I would advice to set specific times in the future. Otherwise the other will just be waiting, since you can show up any time. It also seems a bit like you find other things more important then her, but it depends on the person if they really mind of course.
My girlfriend and I (Also from Tinder) celebrate ours in two weeks. Congrats!
She's the most wonderful person I've met in my life. Funny , smart, trusting and beautiful. Good luck to everyone out there still trying. There is someone out there for everyone, trust me.
I'm having issues with keep a conversation going with girls on tinder/OKC. They rarely ask me questions or attempt to keep the conversation going. They will answer my question and that's it. Is this normal or am i just doing something wrong?
I almost always get responses from my first message but it just feels like i'm interviewing the girl. I get bored and stop messaging after 5-10 messages of them making no effort. Any advise on what i need to do differently?
We spent most of the first date in bed, not having sex. Yes, it happened the once, but I didn't push for it and didn't ask for it again. I actually like cuddling. That said, she has night terrors and said that me being there prevented them. I laid there for hours, awake, doing so.
I'm having issues with keep a conversation going with girls on tinder/OKC. They rarely ask me questions or attempt to keep the conversation going. They will answer my question and that's it. Is this normal or am i just doing something wrong?
I almost always get responses from my first message but it just feels like i'm interviewing the girl. I get bored and stop messaging after 5-10 messages of them making no effort. Any advise on what i need to do differently?
Don't get me wrong, I didn't mean you should put her before everyone else (please don't) but if you set up a date and think you might make it somewhere between 8 and 9, just say 9 so you're sure you can make it in time.
Don't over think here. You had a good time right? Just see her, don't talk about all kinds of serious stuff, just have fun. You don't need to have everything perfect right away. Maybe it will go somewhere, maybe not, but you can at least find out. Hang out and see from there, don't go in expecting a relationship after one or two dates.
Now if she is really emotionally unavailable, that's a different story. Just don't write someone off too soon.
Don't get me wrong, I didn't mean you should put her before everyone else (please don't) but if you set up a date and think you might make it somewhere between 8 and 9, just say 9 so you're sure you can make it in time.
Don't over think here. You had a good time right? Just see her, don't talk about all kinds of serious stuff, just have fun. You don't need to have everything perfect right away. Maybe it will go somewhere, maybe not, but you can at least find out. Hang out and see from there, don't go in expecting a relationship after one or two dates.
Now if she is really emotionally unavailable, that's a different story. Just don't write someone off too soon.
That's fair. I get what you meant now. I'm sorry if I came off rudely, as that wasn't the intention. But I could've written it better, for sure.
I've had a really bad day, because I basically found out that because I'm unable to work and have mental illnesses, my extended family think I'm a lazy, useless, horrible piece of shit. That is, though I'm a 24/7 caregiver to my disabled parent and the elderly/partially senile but nice grandmother we share. They do shit all, and never come to visit, using being 2.5 hours away as a crutch.
I'm going to go into it with the attitude you mentioned. I decided not to dwell on that. It just got to me for a second.
I'm having issues with keep a conversation going with girls on tinder/OKC. They rarely ask me questions or attempt to keep the conversation going. They will answer my question and that's it. Is this normal or am i just doing something wrong?
I almost always get responses from my first message but it just feels like i'm interviewing the girl. I get bored and stop messaging after 5-10 messages of them making no effort. Any advise on what i need to do differently?
Happens to me all of the time. They are usually not interested. You can make them play their hand quicker if you ask them to exchange numbers and they usually just don't reply after that in my experience.
A girl had two moments, One of her foster dog and another of a pint night she was going to. So I asked about the foster dog and other pets she had. After a few messages about that i switched to the bar she was going to since i had never been there. We also talked about local breweries and beers she liked.
Another girl mentioned in her profile she liked hockey, i'm also a big hockey fan so I asked who her favorite teams are and who she thought would win the cup this year.
Both of these girls answered all my questions but they didn't seem interested in me. I'm pretty new to online dating but if I had a conversation like this in real life i'd feel like i'm bugging the person.
Happens to me all of the time. They are usually not interested. You can make them play their hand quicker if you ask them to exchange numbers and they usually just don't reply after that in my experience.
A girl had two moments, One of her foster dog and another of a pint night she was going to. So I asked about the foster dog and other pets she had. After a few messages about that i switched to the bar she was going to since i had never been there. We also talked about local breweries and beers she liked.
Another girl mentioned in her profile she liked hockey, i'm also a big hockey fan so I asked who her favorite teams are and who she thought would win the cup this year.
Both of these girls answered all my questions but they didn't seem interested in me. I'm pretty new to online dating but if I had a conversation like this in real life i'd feel like i'm bugging the person.
That's what i figured it just seems like every girl i talk to is the same way.
Yeah, those are good topics and all, but I wouldn't spend so much time/effort in the conversation in general especially if they aren't asking anything back, if you are.
I wouldn't say interrupt a good conversation on purpose, but after 3 or 4 back and forths I would ask for a number and go from there. Take the conversation to text after you vet interest and then make a time to meet up soon after.
Well, looking at this thread reminded me of some people I met the other day, because one of them told me they met on OK Cupid. The guy didn't talk much at all, I think I was talking to the woman for two hours, and he just sat there, saying nothing. I'm not really talkative, and I've never really realized what other people think about it. But that guy, he just seemed like a zombie, or like he was lobotomized or something.
Well, looking at this thread reminded me of some people I met the other day, because one of them told me they met on OK Cupid. The guy didn't talk much at all, I think I was talking to the woman for two hours, and he just sat there, saying nothing. I'm not really talkative, and I've never really realized what other people think about it. But that guy, he just seemed like a zombie, or like he was lobotomized or something.
Every person is different, but in no way will I ever do this. I'd feel wrong to be basically using someone to get over break up. I wouldn't want to treat someone as just a rebound.
When I broke up with my ex of 5 years, I took a year just to focus on myself. To be able to "learn" again how it is to be independent and such. Didn't do any sort of dating or anything. Just focused on my career, activities, etc
I'm glad I did since I think I came out a better person out of it and learned really just more not only about myself, but the mistakes I made in that relationship.
