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[MonorailCat]

Well, that's going to be a problem...

I was not 100% serious, but appearance is a HUGE factor in online dating.
So your first priority should be your pictures.
After that you should make a compelling profile. Plenty of tips in the okcupid reddit.

Or just use Tinder. But Tinder is 99% about looks.

 

[ClosingADoor]

Just signed up for OKCupid, any advice on how to get this to work?

Get some nice pictures on there. You doing something fun, one sharply dressed, at a party, vacation, whatever.

Fill in your profile with some info about yourself. Don't make it too long, keep it light, don't list any demands or anything negative.

Start sending messages to every girl you like. Don't expect many replies and don't wait for them. Don't take it too seriously and see if you can find some people to talk to.

 

[User 479360]

I haven't spoken to her since yesterday afternoon, but that's not a big deal. I'm just curious to find out how last night went.

Here are a few good signs I forgot to mention yesterday:

- Due to my medication, I usually wake up with dry mouth, and she does as well. We both used mouthwash the first time, as she had some, but I ate candy to keep my breath decent this time. I told her I'd brushed before I came and used mouthwash then, and she said to just bring a toothbrush and leave it there.

- When we were folding laundry, she loved throwing her underwear on top of the huge pile in my hands, and putting it right in my face. Flirting of course.

- She showed me all of her underwear, and spent most of the night wearing next to nothing.

- I'm supposed to try to help her with her computer, and go over again soon.

- She'd like to buy a body pillow for when I'm not there.

I think she likes sleeping next to me (with my arm around her or on me) so much that it makes her hate sleeping alone anymore.

 

[Gray Matter]

I haven't spoken to her since yesterday afternoon, but that's not a big deal. I'm just curious to find out how last night went.

Here are a few good signs I forgot to mention yesterday:

- Due to my medication, I usually wake up with dry mouth, and she does as well. We both used mouthwash the first time, as she had some, but I ate candy to keep my breath decent this time. I told her I'd brushed before I came and used mouthwash then, and she said to just bring a toothbrush and leave it there.

- When we were folding laundry, she loved throwing her underwear on top of the huge pile in my hands, and putting it right in my face. Flirting of course.

- She showed me all of her underwear, and spent most of the night wearing next to nothing.

- I'm supposed to try to help her with her computer, and go over again soon.

- She'd like to buy a body pillow for when I'm not there.

I think she likes sleeping next to me (with my arm around her or on me) so much that it makes her hate sleeping alone anymore.

Sounds like things are going well.

 

[GrizzNKev]

Sigh

 

[Jokab]

Sigh

Whazup bro?

 

[User 479360]

Sounds like things are going well.

Yeah

She apparently cancelled last night's date because she felt like it. I apologized for being nosy, but she said it's fine. I guess it's to be expected.

I sent one girl (the one who was at school and recently came home, whom I previously spoke about) a message over a week ago, asking if she'd like to meet and do something. I didn't hear back, then asked how her placement was several days later. This was before I met D. Anyways, she eventually replied and said she's sorry but she's really busy right now, and feels bad. Seems to be interested, though, for sometime in the future.

Also speaking to another girl on OkC. She seems cool.

 

[False Witness]

Just signed up for OKCupid, any advice on how to get this to work?

Change something in your profile around or answer a few questions (with explanations) every time you start a new session on OKC. It will keep you higher in the search results and post whatever you did on the main OKC page. I also think it cycles you through the quickmatch stuff more often as well.

Don't be afraid to go with a lengthy profile if you really feel like it represents who you are. Yeah, it will turn off some people, but those it attracts usually provide far more interesting messages.

Have a lot of pictures, preferably with different facial expressions in each. It shows off more of your face that way. It's also usually good to have one of you out doing something, although I still don't have one of those myself.

 

[GrizzNKev]

Whazup bro?

I met an amazing and beautiful girl on okc but she made it clear that she's not interested in relationships right now and just wants to make friends. She offered to meet me and I said no because I have a hard time befriending girls when I'm in thirst mode.

On the bright side, the girl I complained about taking too long to reply to me messaged me on tinder out of nowhere and invited me to add her on fb so we could talk. Still waiting to see where that goes.

 

[Lulubop]

Nice, OKC girl flaked on me. Said it was a migraine. I guess I believe it, I mean sure but whatever.

 

[GrizzNKev]

Nice, OKC girl flaked on me. Said it was a migraine. I guess I believe it, I mean sure but whatever.

Someone said the same to me not long ago. That was the last I ever heard from her.

 

[davepoobond]

I have a migraine that means I have to stay home all day and not talk to anyone

 

[Gray Matter]

I have a migraine that means I have to stay home all day and not talk to anyone

These are the rules of online dating, everyone knows.

 

[BIGWORM]

Yeah

She apparently cancelled last night's date because she felt like it. I apologized for being nosy, but she said it's fine. I guess it's to be expected.

I sent one girl (the one who was at school and recently came home, whom I previously spoke about) a message over a week ago, asking if she'd like to meet and do something. I didn't hear back, then asked how her placement was several days later. This was before I met D. Anyways, she eventually replied and said she's sorry but she's really busy right now, and feels bad. Seems to be interested, though, for sometime in the future.

Also speaking to another girl on OkC. She seems cool.

Because she felt like it? That's uhhh...pretty cold. Any elaboration?

 

[Lulubop]

Someone said the same to me not long ago. That was the last I ever heard from her.

Well rescheduled for next Saturday. I'm like what's the point. I think it might be a case of the monthly's. I was liek yea, it kinda sucks you can't make it out but if you don't feel well it's fine. Then she was like no, let's do this. So I don't think she's lying. A week though, by then I'll have moved on. Pretty disappointed.

 

[Gray Matter]

Just updated my OKC profile and will be playing the numbers game. Wish me luck.

 

[stn]

I just wanted to give some perspective on how tough it is in online dating. I know for a fact that my profile is in the "hot" part of OKC. So yesterday OKC gave me a free "boost". Apparently 1080 people "saw" my profile. By that, my profile was put at the top of the "browse matches" option, I guess? I'm not really sure how they saw it but yeah.

7 views
5 "likes"
1 message

And I'm supposedly one of the "hot" ones. Again, just to provide perspective. If you're not a girl then you'd better be grinding out 50 messages a day.

 

[Salamando]

I got an OKC boost once. I got messaged by a "professional" dominatrix who didn't even know what limits are, and a swingers club.

 

[Gray Matter]

I got an OKC boost once. I got messaged by a "professional" dominatrix who didn't even know what limits are, and a swingers club.

But did you reply?

Spoiler

clearly not serious lol

 

[gaiages]

Ugh, I hate asking this, since it sounds mean, but is it okay to just... stop messaging someone? The conversation's really not going anywhere, and I'm not finding that putting the effort into trying to craft more responses around the few video games we're talking about to be worth it. It's obvious that it's not going anywhere.

But, I feel bad doing that. Is that a mean thing to do? Am I in the right for doing that?

 

[Gray Matter]

Ugh, I hate asking this, since it sounds mean, but is it okay to just... stop messaging someone? The conversation's really not going anywhere, and I'm not finding that putting the effort into trying to craft more responses around the few video games we're talking about to be worth it. It's obvious that it's not going anywhere.

But, I feel bad doing that. Is that a mean thing to do? Am I in the right for doing that?

I've been on the other side of this situation. Tbh, I would rather a girl stop messaging to show disinterested than her telling me she's not interested and then stop replying. It would just be easier on the confidence. I'll tell you this, it doesn't feel good, but he'll het over it eventually.

 

[Makai]

Ugh, I hate asking this, since it sounds mean, but is it okay to just... stop messaging someone? The conversation's really not going anywhere, and I'm not finding that putting the effort into trying to craft more responses around the few video games we're talking about to be worth it. It's obvious that it's not going anywhere.

But, I feel bad doing that. Is that a mean thing to do? Am I in the right for doing that?

It's okay.

 

[Lulubop]

Say, "the cake is a lie."

 

[User 479360]

Because she felt like it? That's uhhh...pretty cold. Any elaboration?

Not our date, thankfully. One she had with another guy last night.

 

[woodchuck]

I've been on the other side of this situation. Tbh, I would rather a girl stop messaging to show disinterested than her telling me she's not interested and then stop replying. It would just be easier on the confidence. I'll tell you this, it doesn't feel good, but he'll het over it eventually.

Man, being ignored is the shittiest feeling. I would much rather have a girl tell me she's not interested. I tell girls I'm not interested instead of ignoring them too

 

[GrizzNKev]

Man, being ignored is the shittiest feeling. I would much rather have a girl tell me she's not interested. I tell girls I'm not interested instead of ignoring them too

Same. Don't just vanish on someone. If they like you they might dwell on it for a week or longer. Be direct.

 

[gaiages]

Oh yikes, the conflicting answers. I think I'll go with lulubop's option, that's the safest bet

Spoiler

I'll probably tell him that I'm not interested, in a nice way. If I can think of a nice way.

 

[False Witness]

I just wanted to give some perspective on how tough it is in online dating. I know for a fact that my profile is in the "hot" part of OKC. So yesterday OKC gave me a free "boost". Apparently 1080 people "saw" my profile. By that, my profile was put at the top of the "browse matches" option, I guess? I'm not really sure how they saw it but yeah.

7 views
5 "likes"
1 message

And I'm supposedly one of the "hot" ones. Again, just to provide perspective. If you're not a girl then you'd better be grinding out 50 messages a day.

See, I truly do think it's somewhat harder being a good looking guy online than it is being below-average looking. You come off as less approachable online, I think. I mean, I don't even bother visiting the profiles of people who look amazingly good looking. Of course, I'm kind of weird in that I like people who have one particular standout feature that makes them easily identifiable. Oh, and big noses.

 

[Advocatus Diaboli]

Oh yikes, the conflicting answers. I think I'll go with lulubop's option, that's the safest bet

Spoiler

I'll probably tell him that I'm not interested, in a nice way. If I can think of a nice way.

You can just vanish. Why?

Because you're under no obligation whatsoever to accommodate others' feelings beyond common courtesy. Thus, I'm not advocating being rude; however, what OKC is -- and which all users understand -- is a conversation space with certain rules and conventions. It's like speed dating: if the conversation is fizzling after a few minutes, you don't go back to that person's table and tell them, "Sorry! I had a nice time typing a few paragraphs at you. But ultimately, I'm not interested!"

What I find interesting (and a little troubling) are those who, on one hand, suggest that guys send 50+ messages a day, but on the other hand (and I'm not saying anyone here is specifically clamoring for this, but I've heard it elsewhere), desiring that each girl with whom they exchange snippets of conversation must explicitly let them down.

I mean, at a certain point, the line's crossed: if you've talked for a week and exchanged novellas (although, at that point, you should be texting and planning on having drinks on a weeknight!), going radio silent is a bit gauche. But if you're purely in the initial stages, I see nothing wrong with simply moving on. Because you know what? They're already talking to other people too, and you're going to be dealing with multiple messages as well.

 

[False Witness]

I have ten unreplied to conversations from the last week. If the person you're conversing with just isn't putting any effort into the conversation or keeping it interesting enough by keeping the topics varied, you shouldn't have to let them down, I think.

I'll admit, my perspective has changed from when I first started online dating a few years ago. I used to reply to every single message, no matter how awful it was. I realized it wasn't worth it when nothing would ever come from those conversations.

 

[GK86]

Put me in the, no message is necessary camp.

You need thick skin when it comes to online dating. Just assume they aren't interested and move on.

 

[ATF487]

Put me in the, no message is necessary camp.

You need thick skin when it comes to online dating. Just assume they aren't interested and move on.

This.

I complain when I get radio silence from texts, or when people flake on plans we've made, but I don't see anything wrong with giving up before it gets to that point if you're really not interested. I don't reply in the first place if I'm not interested in someone either.

 

[Jhoan]

When in doubt, you can't go wrong with the thread's subtitle. It works wonders when someone goes silent.

All jokes aside, I'm of the camp that says not to send a message stating you're not interested. I was on the receiving end of it a few weeks ago, took the hint and moved on. It will continue to happen more in the future but I've a developed a thick skin to shrug it off after the sting wears off. I also don't reply to messages if I'm not interested either online or via text.

There's no need to do spend a few minutes stating you're not interested because it all adds up if you do that for every single dude. Imagine if a company were to send every single applicant a message stating that they didn't get in, it would up too much time sending a unique message to every single person. It happens, life goes on.

 

[DeVeAn]

Okay, matched with a girl on Tinder. She saw me on match as well. We started talking and ask her out for coffee. She responded the next day saying yes. I asked what days she was off and decided Sunday at 8pm. I thought Starbucks but, drinks sounded better because 8pm. She said we can decide tomorrow...I replied ok and left it there.

Never done online dating, anything I should look out for?

 

[GK86]

Okay, matched with a girl on Tinder. She saw me on match as well. We started talking and ask her out for coffee. She responded the next day saying yes. I asked what days she was off and decided Sunday at 8pm. I thought Starbucks but, drinks sounded better because 8pm. She said we can decide tomorrow...I replied ok and left it there.

Never done online dating, anything I should look out for?

The first time you meet, it will be awkward. This is normal.

Other than that, treat it like any other dating situation.

 

[gaiages]

Ah okay, interesting. Replying to every message has always been a problem of mine, even before online dating. I've bumped couple-day old GAF threads because I belatedly noticed someone quoted me and felt the need to respond. I'm weird like that xD I'll have to learn when to stop, I think. Now's as good of time as any.

Spoiler

Never did actually get around to sending a message anyway, got distracted...

 

[Advocatus Diaboli]

The first time you meet, it will be awkward. This is normal.

Other than that, treat it like any other dating situation.

As someone who's met something like 100 people from the Internet, let me add: the first time you meet, it will be awkward for both of you. This is important to remember!

Never done online dating, anything I should look out for?

Also, you do not want to do Starbucks at 8pm on a Sunday. You want to do drinks, since you'll both be home by 11, anyway.

 

[ClosingADoor]

Well rescheduled for next Saturday. I'm like what's the point. I think it might be a case of the monthly's. I was liek yea, it kinda sucks you can't make it out but if you don't feel well it's fine. Then she was like no, let's do this. So I don't think she's lying. A week though, by then I'll have moved on. Pretty disappointed.

Why would you have moved on? Just set the date and time, then stop texting a bit and just confirm a bit before the date that you are still on.

Man, being ignored is the shittiest feeling. I would much rather have a girl tell me she's not interested. I tell girls I'm not interested instead of ignoring them too

Disappearing is the best way online. Also look at it from the girls perspective. A lot of people can't handle the direct rejection and keep on stalking or sending terrible messages.

Okay, matched with a girl on Tinder. She saw me on match as well. We started talking and ask her out for coffee. She responded the next day saying yes. I asked what days she was off and decided Sunday at 8pm. I thought Starbucks but, drinks sounded better because 8pm. She said we can decide tomorrow...I replied ok and left it there.

Never done online dating, anything I should look out for?

My advice for all first dates: actually go out. Don't go for coffee, but a nice lounge or bar and get a drink. It is more intimate and feels more like a date.

 

[gaming_noob]

Okay, matched with a girl on Tinder. She saw me on match as well. We started talking and ask her out for coffee. She responded the next day saying yes. I asked what days she was off and decided Sunday at 8pm. I thought Starbucks but, drinks sounded better because 8pm. She said we can decide tomorrow...I replied ok and left it there.

Never done online dating, anything I should look out for?

Starbucks open past 8pm on Sundays? Would be pretty embarrassing...

 

[davepoobond]

Starbucks is for shady Craigslist meetings IMO

 

[Salamando]

Starbucks is for shady Craigslist meetings IMO

If I go coffee, I always try for a locally owned place. One of my favorites is a coffee shop that has free dog treats and pictures of Yoshi and Mario on the wall. Tis' cozy.

 

[Jokab]

If I go coffee, I always try for a locally owned place. One of my favorites is a coffee shop that has free dog treats and pictures of Yoshi and Mario on the wall. Tis' cozy.

Has been my strategy as well. Can definitely impress a girl if you know these places.

 

[DeVeAn]

Starbucks open past 8pm on Sundays? Would be pretty embarrassing...

This was my thought exactly. Coffee was the suggestion then 8pm was mentioned so I swayed towards drinks.

I get a message from her saying to text her because she won't have internet for the day. My only worry is maybe I might be stabbed😣. I am just a little cautious.

 

[User 479360]

D messaged me again this morning, to say good morning, and we've been texting off and on since. Nothing denoting a relationship, though.

However, out of the blue she messaged (half an hour ago?) me saying she wanted to hang out today. I'd accidentally set my phone to silent, so I missed the texts which made her call. I saw that pop up and talked to her.

I guess there's a piercing place downtown with a deal on for Mother's Day, where you can get two piercings for $25. She really wants to get a couple done, and wanted to know if I could take her today and she'd pay me back. It'd be my birthday gift to her. But, I couldn't get away until later, due to responsibilities here (promised I'd do yard work and it's been put off for a few days and have to clean up). It seemed okay, because she was planning to go out for mother's day at 4:30, but she found out her dad was coming in an hour and asked if I could come quickly. I couldn't. I felt bad, but it was short notice.

We're going to do it tomorrow, though. And I'm not going to ask her to pay me back. It'll be my gift to her, without any strings attached. I was going to buy her a body pillow.

 

[GK86]

I don't think anyone should buy gifts, for someone they aren't in a relationship with. Even if it would be for a birthday or big occasion. Just take her out to dinner or something.

 

[User 479360]

I don't think anyone should buy gifts, for someone they aren't in a relationship with. Even if it would be for a birthday or big occasion. Just take her out to dinner or something.

Fair enough. We're friends, though. Actually, my best friend's birthday is on Tuesday, and hers is on Friday.

I would take her out to dinner, but she's not a big eater. Her pills suppress her appetite and she sometimes goes days without eating. I don't like it or agree with it, but it's just how she is. She has body image issues that I'm trying to help her with as well, because she thinks she's fat when she's not and is very beautiful.

When I went over for the movie date and brought the food, she told me she hadn't eaten since I'd last been there, two days prior. She'd had soup then. But, she ate popcorn, a box of crackers and soup while I was there.

 

[Lulubop]

So I have a date with the girl who canceled yesterday, maybe she was being for real. O maybe something else.

Anyway, it says she likes beards and I just shaved mine off yesterday because it looked awful. I have gotten some shit for not having one as advertised. Meh, I shave often.

 

[Gray Matter]

So I have a date with the girl who canceled yesterday, maybe she was being for real. O maybe something else.

Anyway, it says she likes beards and I just shaved mine off yesterday because it looked awful. I have gotten some shit for not having one as advertised. Meh, I shave often.

It'll grow back, don't worry.

 

[Lone_Prodigy]

If I go coffee, I always try for a locally owned place. One of my favorites is a coffee shop that has free dog treats and pictures of Yoshi and Mario on the wall. Tis' cozy.

I've gone to a lot of local coffee places for first dates, but never more than once. Needless to say I've got a long list of places to avoid.

 

[Advocatus Diaboli]

So I have a date with the girl who canceled yesterday, maybe she was being for real. O maybe something else.

Anyway, it says she likes beards and I just shaved mine off yesterday because it looked awful. I have gotten some shit for not having one as advertised. Meh, I shave often.

You'll be fine. It's getting hotter out and having a beard gets a little itchy and uncomfortable. Besides, she'll know whether or not she finds you attractive in 5 seconds anyway: a beard isn't going to tip the scales that much.

I've gone to a lot of local coffee places for first dates, but never more than once. Needless to say I've got a long list of places to avoid.

Why? Handicapping yourself doesn't make much sense to me. I've used the same bar as a first date haunt a dozen times over. I know the ambiance; I know the bartender; I know I can always grab a seat -- and it helps feeling at ease knowing you're comfortable in your surroundings.

I don't think anyone should buy gifts, for someone they aren't in a relationship with. Even if it would be for a birthday or big occasion. Just take her out to dinner or something.

Depends on several factors. "Going out to celebrate" is a great idea, but a small token gift can be appreciated. For instance, I've been seeing a girl for a few weeks, but her birthday's coming up, and I'm going to get her something small.