I've been meaning to make this post for a LONG while now, but time got away from me. I also meant to make it quite a long post, photos, etc, but meh here's the shorter version.
I, like many of you, tried my hand at online dating a few years ago when I moved to a new state without any friends from my growing up town, etc.
It was about January 2013 after I just had broken it off with a different girl I met on OKC, that I ended up meeting the woman I'm marrying later this year in August.
She was one of the only girls on OKC that wouldn't reply back with 1 sentence mumbo jumbo, and made conversation a forceful attempt by myself to initiate in her interests, etc. She even asked me out on the first date!
Let me also add to this equation that she wasn't my "type" in one way in that she was a single mom. I wasn't exactly out there looking to fall for a single mom, but at the same time I had put myself in this trap of constantly looking for these little "check marks" for a person that I had stopped to consider that the reason my relationships don't work out is that I didn't broaden my horizons and get more out of my comfort zone.
In her pictures she was a babe, and I mean if I post pics on her GAF would give her 8/9/10's "would bang" etcs. Her profile was well worded, and extremely different from any single mothers posting on there.
The first date I went on with her was a total train wreck. The dinner and conversation was good, but I remember saying something that was "offensive" and I believe I unintentionally called her a bitch without flat out saying it. We then went to a movie that was god fucking awful. To end it I went in for the kiss as I always did, and got turned down---like three times into a hug. Holy shit... I thought she'd never talk to me again. However...something weird happened that night I hadn't had happen before.
I have told women I love them, but I never felt anything strange. Nothing that was stars and planets aligning, and it was just natural to say to them after an extended period of dating went on. On my first date with her when I first met her it was ice cold outside and she is about 5'2" and I'm 6'... so there was this short girl in a black coat with dark hair and the brownest biggest beautiful eyes you'd ever seen. Perfect white teeth all chattering together as I was about 2 minutes late...and I felt my heart skip a beat from the moment she said hello and smiled at me when I made her chuckle.
That date's conversation was beyond great. Video games, anime, Doctor Who, Comic-Con, more and more. I just kept coming back to her teeth chattering though and how cute she was. I then realized I was thinking about her way more than I should be for what was a disaster, and under normal circumstances I would've said "meh don't even bother man."
I bothered. I bothered a lot. I got her to go on a second date somehow, and after that date I knew what that skip in my chest was. I was in love. I felt like a moron and an idiot. How? Why? People don't have love at first sight. I'm a fool. She's probably got so many terrible qualities, and I'm setting myself up for disaster. Ugh. Stop it. Be rational.
None of that worked. After that second date which was on a weekend after Valentine's day I was hooked on my fiance' now Renee. I told myself... "Z(zlatko is my name in real life too) don't give up on this one unless she tells you to go away." So I chased.
This girl gave me the WORST dating experiences ever for 6 months straight. Barely kissed me, treating me like her "buckaroo" in the beginning, had to plan way in advance to spend time with(which made sense since she had a 4 year old at the time, who is now almost 7 and is my daughter
), and even holding hands was too much of a hassle for her often. I had everyone in my life telling me, "She's not into you man. You're wasting your time." Nope. Fuck it. Keep on keeping on. I will not give up on her. No one knew about that smile, the talks, the wave length the two of us are on when we were together, etc.
6 months came and went, and I made an amazing impression on everyone in her life. Friends, family, co workers, etc. I have been getting her flowers every single month I've known her and plan to do so until I die. Her co-workers were blown away as they are older women who don't get anything from their husbands for no reason at all.
I met her daughter during these times, and I started to make her life a bit easier. "I can pick her up from day care." "I could baby sit while you have a night out. She and I can hang out with my nieces." "Let's all go watch a family movie together" She started to see I wasn't here for some booty call, and that I genuinely cared about her daughter who I started to help with homework, and more. She approached me and said "If you want to do this for real. You have to know if these blows up you're hurting two people." I took that responsibility on myself, and when the daughter has shades of her mother all over it's not hard to love her like she's your own. I'm told quite often she looks so much like me even though I have nothing to do with the genes. My (now/soon to be officially)daughter does look crazy like me though...small world.
The father as an added bit of info is nowhere in the picture. He pays child support checks and that's it. Has only seen her once when she was just born, and makes 0 contact of any kind. Which is great for me and my daughter so she's not confused on who her dad is.
After 6 months I finally got the booty too. Oh sweet lord. Best relations in the sheets of my entire life. Thank you Based God!
Time went on, and I knew I didn't want to wait. I let her know I was in love with her. I didn't immediately get it back simply due to hesitation again from her. Her guard was up higher than any woman on the planet---rightfully so. Time passed and I love you's are going back and forth.
I speak with her mom towards the end of that year after 6 months, and said,"I want to ask for your daughter's hand in marriage." TLDR version she was ecstatic, but hesitant. She didn't want me to rush into it---rightfully so, but I knew who I was put on this planet to find. We already had fights up to that point, and argued on random stuff, but we apologize to each other moments after. Our team work and synergy is out of this world.
I also followed up with her father next. Both of her parents are split up, and she's adopted without knowing who her bio folks are. This may also cause some issues when we've spoken on the whole "marriage, relationships, men" issues. She hasn't seen real relationships work. Divorce rates are through the roof, and yeah relationships in general suck. Anywho dad gave me the thumbs up, and just said "make sure you challenge her." I thought about this, and I asked her if I do that, and she let me know that I do in a variety of ways. Wewh!
More time goes on, and I invest $12,000 in a ridiculous custom ring, plan the proposal for her birthday in a place she wanted to go for tea parties, and even hired a photographer to take secret photos. Proposal in, and she gave me a big yes with tears in her eyes. Pretty soon after my daughter started calling me dad instead of Z. We were already living together, but I forgot to mention that part, and have been for a long while now.
Anywho, that's about it. We've had challenges along the way. The biggest being after the intital burst of sex I went 4 months dry with her and it was due to extreme stress and anxiety. Once we moved in together the relief came, and a regular healthy no pants dance relationship ensued. The wedding has also been a bit of a pain in the ass to plan, and is more of a burden on her since I'm not very good at putting it together, but I'm paying for it and voicing opinions, etc.
I could go on and bore you about how amazing my relationship is and all the nerd shit we do together, or tell you how thanks to her my career took a complete 180. (I was making like $9.00 a hour when I moved to Colorado, and in a year I could be breaking 6 figures for a salary for a guy without a college degree) However, that's neither her or there. I am really grateful to how much more I've accomplished thanks to her and my daughter in my life.
TL;DR version: Online dating works. You could find the person right for you, but even as I frequently posted in OKC you have to grind for it. Don't be afraid to date someone outside your "norm" because your norm may be why you are single now and failing over and over.
I am by far the luckiest man in the world. Thank you to OKC GAF in the past, and thank NeoGAF in general for helping me in more ways than you can know in my life.
