I live in NJ (Rutherford), but I have a bus and a train that goes to NYC right around the block from me. I can often get to midtown from my apartment before people in Queens do, it's pretty great.
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Online Dating |OT| Please Respond
- Thread starter Jhoan
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I live in NJ (Rutherford), but I have a bus and a train that goes to NYC right around the block from me. I can often get to midtown from my apartment before people in Queens do, it's pretty great.
Gray Matter
Member
Ok guys, been talking to the same girl from yesterday, texted her during my lunch break and have been texting back and forth since then, conversation still has momentum, but I feel it like it's slowing down.
I wanna bring up going to this nice little cafe I know, but I don't wanna seem pushy. How do I bring it up in a subtle manner?
I wanna bring up going to this nice little cafe I know, but I don't wanna seem pushy. How do I bring it up in a subtle manner?
davepoobond
you can't put a price on sparks
Just ask if she wants to meet up. Why haven't you already asked?
I don't understand the subtlety thing. You're on a dating web site
Gray Matter
Member
I'll ask her tmrw when I text her.
Tomorrow? Why not now? If you feel she's already losing interest, a day could be the final nail in the coffin.
Gray Matter
Member
It was late last night, today I'll do it for sure.
Ah, okay, that makes sense :3 (darn you GAF time)
Gray Matter
Member
Asked her, but she'll be visiting a friend the entire weekend. Hopefully sometime early next week.
Try to lock down a day. "Sometime next week" might mean never.
Gray Matter
Member
Definitely. I'm doing the completel opposite of what I would actually be doing. It's working so far.
Gray Matter
Member
Gray Matter
Member
Gray Matter
Member
davepoobond
you can't put a price on sparks
So after we told you not to be subtle you ask a subtle question?
Just say "would you like to meet up sometime next week?"
Just say "would you like to meet up sometime next week?"
I don't see anything wrong with asking if the person has plans first.
davepoobond
you can't put a price on sparks
that in and of itself is fine... its the 3rd day of texting lol
Gray Matter
Member
This was my plan.
Gray Matter
Member
Wow, we've been texting consistently now for like 3 days, that must be a world record.
Anyway, asked her out on a date, her response was "definitely maybe" but we kept talking a bit and were setting it for sometime next week (she has to make sure she's not preoccupied) but it's a definite yes now.
Anyway, asked her out on a date, her response was "definitely maybe" but we kept talking a bit and were setting it for sometime next week (she has to make sure she's not preoccupied) but it's a definite yes now.
Yakitori? If it's where I think it is, then you're going to the yakitori place in St. Marks and possibly Mayahuel for cocktails. Good luck and have fun!TxdoHawk said:
That's the spirit. Keep it up man and good luck.
I saw that you mentioned that going out with girls from NYC would impossible. To that I have to say that if it's a girl that lives out in say Yonkers, then it would easier to go out with since they live closer to the CT border.
On the flip side of that, I tried to make it work with a girl who lived in CT (Stamford) several months ago but left the ball in her court on whether she wanted to meet up or not so I moved on. Time was a huge issue for both of us in addition to her being hesitant about me going out to her way to see her. She never contacted me again but it was for the better in retrospect considering how I'd blown her off when she tried to meet me initially while I was celebrating with friends. So girls who live in CT are a no go for me in the future as nice as they are.
Gray Matter
Member
Yakitori? If it's where I think it is, then you're going to the yakitori place in St. Marks and possibly Mayahuel for cocktails. Good luck and have fun!
That's the spirit. Keep it up man and good luck.
I saw that you mentioned that going out with girls from NYC would impossible. To that I have to say that if it's a girl that lives out in say Yonkers, then it would easier to go out with since they live closer to the CT border.
On the flip side of that, I tried to make it work with a girl who lived in CT (Stamford) several months ago but left the ball in her court on whether she wanted to meet up or not so I moved on. Time was a huge issue for both of us in addition to her being hesitant about me going out to her way to see her. She never contacted me again but it was for the better in retrospect considering how I'd blown her off when she tried to meet me initially while I was celebrating with friends. So girls who live in CT are a no go for me in the future as nice as they are.
Well, I'm way up in CT. It's hard enough seeing someone a town next over already.
It looks like a charming college town with a few cool museums and a convention center. I suppose you have to play with the cards you've been dealt. Ride a bike over to the next town?
Living in the city, we're too damn spoiled to be worrying about things closing super early and visiting people in other towns unless they live in Jersey. We take that stuff for granted.
Gray Matter
Member
I might have to ride my bike, but I don't mind. But yes, living in a big city is easier to get around. Lucky New Yorkers, I miss living there.
User 479360
Banned
A girl I've been occasionally messaging on OKC over the last few months "wants to get to know me better" before texting. That's fine, but she hardly ever uses the site or messages, and it's already been a while.
Advocatus Diaboli
Member
You've been messaging on OKC for a few months and it hasn't progressed to texting after a handful of exchanged messages? It's never going to texting. Concentrate your lines of effort elsewhere -- and also, when you do message people, shift to texting sooner.
davepoobond
you can't put a price on sparks
usually when they say "i want to get to know you better" i take it as a lack of interest. depends on the conversation though, i guess... but after a few months come on
Eh, just drop her. She's not interested, clearly.
stn
Member
Stop the texting, you're killing all the attraction she has to you. Also, I'd be surprised if this date actually happens, I don't think she's interested. The answer "definitely maybe" is a contradiction, you can't be definite but also maybe. Which tells me she's saying "yes" even though she really wants to say "no".
Stop texting right now and tell her to message you when she figures out what day works next week. As soon as you do that, go message other girls.
Gray Matter
Member
stn
Member
Texting and replying can be a sign of interest but its not reliable. She could be replying because she's afraid to directly reject you, for example. Or she's just comfortable chatting and has no intention to meet, which is why I was stressing that you stop texting. The only true sign of interest is when you find yourself out on the second date with the same girl.
Also, as a golden rule: never engage in a "world texting record" with a girl, especially with one you haven't been out with yet. I know its tempting. I know it also seems logical that chatting more will establish better rapport and a connection. No. You do all that at the date, not over the phone. Trust me on this.
If you haven't already, message her and tell her to let you know what day works next week. Do not engage her further. After that, move on to the next girl.
Also, as a golden rule: never engage in a "world texting record" with a girl, especially with one you haven't been out with yet. I know its tempting. I know it also seems logical that chatting more will establish better rapport and a connection. No. You do all that at the date, not over the phone. Trust me on this.
If you haven't already, message her and tell her to let you know what day works next week. Do not engage her further. After that, move on to the next girl.
Maybe she's interested in keeping you on as a friend. If you carry on the way you are, you definitely will end up being a friend only. You need to get a date set in stone. That whole 'definitely maybe' BS is a warning sign that she isn't as interested in you as you are in her. Get a date or move on to greener pastures.
Gray Matter
Member
I keep it to small talk and setting up dates. Save the proper conversation for face-to-face on the date.
ClosingADoor
Member
Preferably, but if she starts talking about things I'll message back a bit.
If you are a few dates in, you probably will be seeing each other more often anyway, so no need to keep in constant contact through text.
Had a date yesterday with a girl I hooked up with last week, I was kinda reluctant because I know she's not looking for anything serious and I sorta wanted to spend my Friday night with someone new. I had a really good time though, and I like her a lot more. I have a date in a bit by central park, gonna be brief since she starts work at 4. She's pretty hot, and I haven't slept enough.
False Witness
Member
Same here. Honestly, the way it's been for me is the less texting, the less interest there is all around.
I've also never run out of things to talk about. One or both sides just isn't very interesting if you don't have enough to talk about between dates as well as on them.
Again, this could just be the type of women we date, but I've noticed that, especially with those who go to online dating, if they aren't spending their time texting you, then they are likely texting someone else.
I'm kind of an oddity though. I usually have the best luck by doing the opposite of what GAF has told me.
stn
Member
Think of it this way. Once in a relationship, your significant other will probably expect daily communication, right? So you want to gradually work towards that. By the third date I'd say you should definitely chat through text BUT also know when to stop. Everything in moderation. Its always best to save things for real-life interaction. Text is for small talk, quick and witty jokes, and stuff like that. I've never had a problem setting up a first date, I barely text (max. 3 messages per day).
Gray Matter
Member
She's texting me now, I don't want to ignore her and turn her away.