Support NeoGAF

[ClosingADoor]

She's texting me now, I don't want to ignore her and turn her away.

It's about balance. Give a reply after a while and don't make it too much of a conversation. You're not there to entertain her and be her distraction for a bit, you have stuff to do yourself.

If she has time to text you, she also has time to figure out when she wants that date. If she actually wants it.

 

[Salamando]

She's texting me now, I don't want to ignore her and turn her away.

I'd probably reply. If she's texting me first, I'm taking that as a sign of interest, and I'm certainly not going to show disinterest by not replying.

One thing you should remember, while Gaf advice works for most cases, you're the one who actually knows the girl. Go with what you think will work.

But do try to get a sepcific day for a date.

 

[Lulubop]

Got a date on Friday at the mesuem of natural history with a gorgeous Dominican girl. Pretty hype, haven't been on a date with someone I had this much in common with in a long while, certainly not one this gorgeous. She's kinda young tho, also have to wonder what they're looking for so I'm sure even they aren't sure. In my experience anyway.

 

[vicissitudes]

She's texting me now, I don't want to ignore her and turn her away.

So text her back a few hours later. Don't get into a back-and-forth too much (at least, that's how I personally do it).

Just wanted to come in and say I agree with everything stn has said.

 

[Jokab]

This girl I'm talking to on Tinder seems to be an expert at taking flattering pictures. In her three Tinder pictures, which are only of her face and shoulders (I know this is a warning sign), she looks really cute. Through some texting I found out she works at the student radio where I live, so I looked up their Facebook page and yeah there are pictures there. She's a lot larger than what she comes off as in her pictures, not really attracted to that. We have a date set up for Thursday and now I feel bad.

 

[ClosingADoor]

This girl I'm talking to on Tinder seems to be an expert at taking flattering pictures. In her three Tinder pictures, which are only of her face and shoulders (I know this is a warning sign), she looks really cute. Through some texting I found out she works at the student radio where I live, so I looked up their Facebook page and yeah there are pictures there. She's a lot larger than what she comes off as in her pictures, not really attracted to that. We have a date set up for Thursday and now I feel bad.

Just cancel if you already know you are not attracted and it is going nowhere. No point in wasting her time.

 

[stn]

She's texting me now, I don't want to ignore her and turn her away.

Like everyone above has said: moderation. You can easily reply one or two times, make a quick joke, and then announce that you're busy and need to go. Just because someone texts you doesn't mean you have to chat nonstop until the conversation ends. Tell her you're busy and go message other girls.

You've fallen into the "guy I would rather text with than meet with because I'm so comfortable sitting at home and having someone to talk to all the time" trap.

@Jokab

Cancel. You haven't met her yet. Better to do the dick move now than later.

 

[Jokab]

You've fallen into the "guy I would rather text with than meet with because I'm so comfortable sitting at home and having someone to talk to all the time" trap.

I think I've fallen into this more than once, although I do go on a lot of dates too.

And regarding the girl, yeah I should cancel. I guess I'd feel mor at ease with the situation if I hadn't canceled once already because of legitimate reasons. Oh well, better bite the bullet.

 

[Gray Matter]

Like everyone above has said: moderation. You can easily reply one or two times, make a quick joke, and then announce that you're busy and need to go. Just because someone texts you doesn't mean you have to chat nonstop until the conversation ends. Tell her you're busy and go message other girls.

You've fallen into the "guy I would rather text with than meet with because I'm so comfortable sitting at home and having someone to talk to all the time" trap.

@Jokab

Cancel. You haven't met her yet. Better to do the dick move now than later.

Eh, I don't think I have. She said she's looking forward to our date.

 

[megamerican]

Yeah I'm in a quagmire now about texting too. Had a great date on Friday with a gorgeous girl that actually hit me up first. Stayed at the bar til final call. She started texting me right away after we split up and we set something up for next day. Then sadly a close relative of hers passed away and she's having to go back home for the services.

So I'm not sure how to play this at all. I don't want to pester her with texts, and flirting seems inappropriate, but I also don't want her to think I don't give a shit.

 

[stn]

Eh, I don't think I have. She said she's looking forward to our date.

Its all talk until you're actually at the date. And all praise given during the first date is all talk until you're actually at the second date. I hope this works out for you, keep us posted!

 

[gaiages]

Yeah I'm in a quagmire now about texting too. Had a great date on Friday with a gorgeous girl that actually hit me up first. Stayed at the bar til final call. She started texting me right away after we split up and we set something up for next day. Then sadly a close relative of hers passed away and she's having to go back home for the services.

So I'm not sure how to play this at all. I don't want to pester her with texts, and flirting seems inappropriate, but I also don't want her to think I don't give a shit.

Well... you could just shoot her a text saying something like "hey, my condolences about your relative's passing, hope everything's going okay, if you wanna talk just call/text me" to let her know you're concerned. I wouldn't expect much, if any, reply back though, this is likely an emotional/stressful time for her.

 

[Big Papa Husker]

Yeah I'm in a quagmire now about texting too. Had a great date on Friday with a gorgeous girl that actually hit me up first. Stayed at the bar til final call. She started texting me right away after we split up and we set something up for next day. Then sadly a close relative of hers passed away and she's having to go back home for the services.

So I'm not sure how to play this at all. I don't want to pester her with texts, and flirting seems inappropriate, but I also don't want her to think I don't give a shit.

Maybe just send a text to let her know her and her family is in your thoughts and that she can call or text if she wants to talk.

 

[Gray Matter]

Trying to get a set date for our date, I have a cold, hopefully it's over by mid-week.

 

[GK86]

Trying to get a set date for our date, I have a cold, hopefully it's over by mid-week.

Good luck, dude.

 

[megamerican]

Well... you could just shoot her a text saying something like "hey, my condolences about your relative's passing, hope everything's going okay, if you wanna talk just call/text me" to let her know you're concerned. I wouldn't expect much, if any, reply back though, this is likely an emotional/stressful time for her.

Maybe just send a text to let her know her and her family is in your thoughts and that she can call or text if she wants to talk.

Thanks guys, that's more or less what I went with.

 

[Gray Matter]

Good luck, dude.

Thanks, I'll need it. If all goes well I'll be posting in the dating age thread.

 

[Gray Matter]

Did I fuck up somehow? Was texting her today, like GAF recommended I wasn't texting too much, I asked when she would like to schedule out date for, and hasn't replied yet, been a while.

 

[davepoobond]

Did I fuck up somehow? Was texting her today, like GAF recommended I wasn't texting too much, I asked when she would like to schedule out date for, and hasn't replied yet, been a while.

Without seeing the specific conversation not 100% sure but when they stop replying when you ask for a concrete date or if they want to meet, chances are they might not have actually wanted to.

Hopefully she will reply back still

 

[Gray Matter]

Without seeing the specific conversation not 100% sure but when they stop replying when you ask for a concrete date or if they want to meet, chances are they might not have actually wanted to.

Hopefully she will reply back still

Of course this is subjective, but our conversations alway went well, if she replies, even started conversations herself, I see no reason why she didn't reply.

 

[ClosingADoor]

Of course this is subjective, but our conversations alway went well, if she replies, even started conversations herself, I see no reason why she didn't reply.

Meeting up with someone from online is a bigger step for some then others. Try to put it out of your mind. If she replies, great. Otherwise, on to the next one. Nothing you can do about it.

 

[Gray Matter]

Meeting up with someone from online is a bigger step for some then others. Try to put it out of your mind. If she replies, great. Otherwise, on to the next one. Nothing you can do about it.

Yea, I actually haven't put too much on hope on this (surprisingly) but it gets to the point that after a few days of texting and my clear intentions of going out with her, I recieve some resistance, but again I'm not so bummed out as I normally would be, surprisingly.

Hoping for the best, prepared for the worse.

 

[stn]

For anyone who uses Match dot com:

I joined recently, got messaged quite a bit. Can't see any of them since I'm not a paid member. I'm hesitant to join because I've had lots of past instances where I was messaged by girls not located in the same country (hello, Philippines). I reallllllly don't want to pay $25 to read texts from some random girls 25000 miles away from me.

Any insight would be welcome, please advise!

 

[davepoobond]

Yea, I actually haven't put too much on hope on this (surprisingly) but it gets to the point that after a few days of texting and my clear intentions of going out with her, I recieve some resistance, but again I'm not so bummed out as I normally would be, surprisingly.

Hoping for the best, prepared for the worse.

I was burned like this too, I'm sure everyone has been. You're not the first or the last.

A girl I was talking to for like 2 days said she wanted to get to know me before meeting up, so I played along with that since no one else was talking to me at that point. She said she was nervous meeting someone online and it was her "first time doing online dating"

On the 4th day she came around and said she would want to meet up after "thinking about it."

Tried to set a date up, we decided on a Thursday. Day before I confirm with her if she is still cool with meeting up. Nothing, and I never hear from her again.

 

[Lone_Prodigy]

For anyone who uses Match dot com:

I joined recently, got messaged quite a bit. Can't see any of them since I'm not a paid member. I'm hesitant to join because I've had lots of past instances where I was messaged by girls not located in the same country (hello, Philippines). I reallllllly don't want to pay $25 to read texts from some random girls 25000 miles away from me.

Any insight would be welcome, please advise!

There's an incentive (tons of messages)
There's a catch (girls not from your country)
To get both, you have to pay

 

[Llyranor]

Yeah, I've had that happen to me too. OKC --> texting transition goes well. We agree to go on a date. Set up a specific day, she says she'll confirm with me because of schedule. Then radio silence. It happens.

 

[Gray Matter]

I was burned like this too, I'm sure everyone has been. You're not the first or the last.

A girl I was talking to for like 2 days said she wanted to get to know me before meeting up, so I played along with that since no one else was talking to me at that point. She said she was nervous meeting someone online and it was her "first time doing online dating"

On the 4th day she came around and said she would want to meet up after "thinking about it."

Tried to set a date up, we decided on a Thursday. Day before I confirm with her if she is still cool with meeting up. Nothing, and I never hear from her again.

To be quite honest, I wouldn't be surprised if she stops replying.

 

[Gray Matter]

It's been a little over 24 hours since I asked her for a set day for our date, no reply. I'm just going to assume she isn't interested anymore and take the L.

Back to square one.

 

[stn]

There's an incentive (tons of messages)
There's a catch (girls not from your country)
To get both, you have to pay

You're right. Think I'll close the account and save the money.

 

[NYCmetsfan]

I started messaging this girl on Friday and she's already looking to meet up for after work drinks tomorrow. I've never actually met someone from online. Im nervous haha.

She seems great (like a 97% match) but I'm still kinda worry about catfishing and stuff like that

 

[davepoobond]

I started messaging this girl on Friday and she's already looking to meet up for after work drinks tomorrow. I've never actually met someone from online. Im nervous haha.

She seems great (like a 97% match) but I'm still kinda worry about catfishing and stuff like that

if you are worried do a reverse image search and see if it comes up anywhere.

if you exchange #s you can also search the phone number and make sure it doesnt show up on any of the web sites that report scammers

if they are planning an actual place to meet most likely they arent catfishing, so you just gotta make sure you're in a public place the whole time and you're not meeting in an alley behind the Buffalo Wild Wings

 

[Gray Matter]

I find it funny how he thinks since she's making the plans he's been catfished.

Spoiler

I would react the same way too.

 

[GK86]

It's been a little over 24 hours since I asked her for a set day for our date, no reply. I'm just going to assume she isn't interested anymore and take the L.

Back to square one.

Yup, at least you tried.

 

[NYCmetsfan]

if you are worried do a reverse image search and see if it comes up anywhere.

if you exchange #s you can also search the phone number and make sure it doesnt show up on any of the web sites that report scammers

if they are planning an actual place to meet most likely they arent catfishing, so you just gotta make sure you're in a public place the whole time and you're not meeting in an alley behind the Buffalo Wild Wings

I'll probably do that. I mean the pictures seem legit. They're not like a model or anything. I guess I just have never met anyone online before.

I mean out chats/texts have been great. Just also worried about it being weird and coming off bad

I find it funny how he thinks since she's making the plans he's been catfished.

Spoiler

I would react the same way too.

Huh?

I probably shouldn't have used cat fishing. I mean the profile isn't strange or barren, the pictures look legit. Its not a too good to be true. I just have never actually had a date from it so its all weird haha.

I'm not worried about danger or anything. Were meeting in midtown Manhattan.

 

[Gray Matter]

Yup, at least you tried.

It was all going so well, but hey, I can't dwell on it too much.

 

[GK86]

It was all going so well, but hey, I can't dwell on it too much.

Nope, you can't.

I was dating this woman for the past two weeks (been on two dates). Talking (almost) daily. Things were going well, clicking and whatnot. I hit her up today to plan something for the weekend, tells me she got back with her ex over the weekend. Sometimes, even when things go well, shit happens.

 

[davepoobond]

I'll probably do that. I mean the pictures seem legit. They're not like a model or anything. I guess I just have never met anyone online before.

I mean out chats/texts have been great. Just also worried about it being weird and coming off bad

well model shots is an obviously high %age for catfish, but don't be fooled by normal facebook-y types either. There are lots of scammers who slurp up all of the pictures on a facebook profile and re-use those pictures or people who had their pictures passed around without their control etc

 

[NYCmetsfan]

well model shots is an obviously high %age for catfish, but don't be fooled by normal facebook-y types either. There are lots of scammers who slurp up all of the pictures on a facebook profile and re-use those pictures or people who had their pictures passed around without their control etc

well I did google search the pictures and they are legit . still it feels kinda weird to meet some one from online. any advice on making it not weird lol

 

[davepoobond]

well I did google search the pictures and they are legit. still it feels kinda weird to meet some one from online. any advice on making it not weird lol

not really. i was dealing with craigslist stuff before i started doing the online meet ups, but you just kinda take that dive and make sure you are in a public space with a lot of people.

the first one is probably the worst.

 

[Big Papa Husker]

not really. i was dealing with craigslist stuff before i started doing the online meet ups, but you just kinda take that dive and make sure you are in a public space with a lot of people.

the first one is probably the worst.

Yeah, the first one was the worst for me. It was my first online date and first date in general in a while. You just got gotta take the plunge and do it.

 

[False Witness]

Oddly enough, my first online date was with the girl who ended up being my fiancee. It was definitely very awkward. I didn't go on a second date with her until 7 months later and went out with several other women in the meantime and lost my virginity.

 

[davepoobond]

Oddly enough, my first online date was with the girl who ended up being my fiancee. It was definitely very awkward. I didn't go on a second date with her until 7 months later and went out with several other women in the meantime and lost my virginity.

interesting... did you guys just keep talking or what happened to make you guys meet up again?

 

[False Witness]

Well, the first online dating thing I used was Date My School. She first saw me there and nearly immediately asked me out for coffee. I liked the aggressiveness of it all. She asked me out for a second date later in the week, but I was in a bit of a depressed funk, so I turned her down. She kept talking to me for a little while longer, but I turned her down completely because I was still in that funk.

Several months later, she sent me a message on OKCupid, not really recognizing who I was. I decided to text her for a bit, but still kept turning her down. She tried and tried and eventually won me over after I had gone on dates with several other women.

Honestly, I'd still love to be with her now. Losing the baby was just too much for her. I think she sees that life we were about to lead every time she looks at me and it just kills her.

I haven't given up entirely though. I just have to respect her space as much as I can while still letting her know I'm here.

 

[AcridMeat]

My first online date I got pegged with a $50 charge after for getting to the garage I parked in 3 minutes late.

My first tinder meet up led to their place/sess. I George Constanza'd it at a certain point though. When she suggested going back to their place I said "I haven't had dinner yet, I want to eat first." Thankfully they liked me enough to walk with me to a noodle place and indulged a little bit in what I ordered so it wasn't completely bad. haha

 

[duxstar]

Does anyone else have a problem on the actual dates ? I can generally get girls to a date with me but I must be the most horrible person ON a first date. Like my success rate is so low . I really am not on these sites for sex and want the whole gf type deal. Just this weekend I had 2 dates that both went absolutely miserably. I will go through tomorrow in detail the 2 dates this weekend that I had but it's really gotten to the point where I'm almost sick of dating . I feel confident enough in my ability to get a date but feel like it's absolutely pointless for me because it's just a waste of my time.

I'm on my phone now but will post more tomorrow about my dating misadventures.

 

[stn]

Anyone know where you can get legitimate promo codes for Match? Its $50 just for one month!

 

[turtle553]

Anyone know where you can get legitimate promo codes for Match? Its $50 just for one month!

Wait a week or so and they will email offers to subscribe. Six months is where you get real savings. I've had luck with it in the past, but keep in mind that if you create a free account, they will promote you heavily at first to entice you to pay. Not saying it is fake interest, just that it falls off.

 

[twinturbo2]

Good news, I finally got someone on OKCupid to talk to me.

Bad news, she's pretty ugly.

I guess it's a start?

 

[stn]

Wait a week or so and they will email offers to subscribe. Six months is where you get real savings. I've had luck with it in the past, but keep in mind that if you create a free account, they will promote you heavily at first to entice you to pay. Not saying it is fake interest, just that it falls off.

I'll keep this in mind, thanks! $50 just to test the waters will make me feel stupid.

I guess it's a start?

Personally, I'd say don't talk to her if you're not attracted to her. Just means the conversation won't go anywhere, and I doubt you'll give her personality a chance since you described her as ugly.

 

[ClosingADoor]

Good news, I finally got someone on OKCupid to talk to me.

Bad news, she's pretty ugly.

I guess it's a start?

Why are you talking to someone who you are clearly not interested in? You wouldn't like someone doing that to you too. Don't waste peoples time.