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Online Dating |OT| Please Respond
- Thread starter Jhoan
- Start date
NotTheGuyYouKill
Member
Been there.
Zeyphersan
Banned
Best of luck!
Hahaha, I never know what to do there either. Honestly though, she's on there to find someone, you're on there to find someone, it's not inherently creepy. It would depend on how well you knew them in high school, but I wouldn't use that an excuse not to send her a quick message if you're interested
I ended up messaging her mentioning that we did go to high school together and that we're actually connected via social media (Facebook friends, Instagram, etc.), but more focus on the stuff on her profile.
She ended up replying and telling me that she also just decided to join, and replied to the stuff I mentioned to her on the initial message.
Not really sure it'll go anywhere other than messaging each other, but I guess we'll see.
And in general, I messaged a few girls, and I feel like an idiot with how plain my messages have been. Mostly just commenting that we share a lot of stuff in common. I just messaged someone right now asking them what they'd do during a zombie apocalypse since she made reference to zombie stuff on her profile - that's probably the most creative I've been so far.
Don't feel overly bad. Simply by not being overtly sexual/creepy you have an advantage.
What I like to do is comment on what they have good taste in (literature, music, film, et cetera). Perhaps crack a joke at what they say on the profile. I never end with a simple hello. Usually "Salut, je m'appelle Africanus". It gets more replies, I suppose for originality.
It can also change if the person says they speak a different language. For example, for this one girl who said she was learning Spanish "Hola, me llamo Africanus". A Brazilian girl? "Oi, meu nome é Africanus". Hardest one was Polish because I barely dabble in that, but still "Witam, mam na imię Africanus."
A little thing really, but it helps you stand out and shows that you read their profile at the same time.
Trust me, as long as you don't:
- Say only 'Hi' or "how's it going"
- Make a sexual joke
- make an effort to use somewhat proper spelling and grammar
You're doing just fine.
BIGWORM
Member
My pre-typed introduction is still working to this day.
Don't make an effort to use proper spelling and grammar? So that's where I've been going wrong. Thanks, gaiages!
Not holding a lot of hope for the girl with whom I had an awesome date with last weekend. Haven't heard from her at all since Thursday night, when she said she would text me to see if she'd be free on Sunday. Twice now I've sent her a text that's gone unanswered (one on Wednesday, one yesterday). Either she's unable or unwilling to make time for me, and neither scenario works.
No advice needed, just sucks to meet someone whose words indicate a desire to go out and connect, but whose actions belie that desire.
Agree with hi being trite but I respectfully disagree with the bolded latter one. I've gotten plenty of replies by using that opener in the past and used it as an ice breaker to segue into asking about something that the person lists on their profile or ask about the story behind the picture.
I encourage folks to experiment with opening messages and while I don't it myself, to be fair, sexual jokes are very hit or miss if one is solely looking for hook ups. Dralla recently posted an example in the Dating-Age thread that it got him a date.
I list this in the OP (including examples) but as long as people don't overthink about what to say by spending more than 5 minutes tops, it's fine. It'll take an eternity to craft a unique message for every single profile one lurks on. Especially if it's an empty profile.
All right, so I mentioned that i would post my profile once I overhauled it so here it is. Have at it guys and gals: www.okcupid.com/profile/heightsartist
As a quick note: I'm not going to be taking it that seriously as I have in the past. It's all fun and games in the end of the day.
Hooked up again last night with the girl I met on Friday, cause why not.
Was suppose to have a date Saturday with this Korean girl, like from Korea but who's been going to NYU the last few years. She canceled, pushed it back to today and canceled again. I think she just might be nervous. I wouldn't be surprised if she's never met anyone using Tinder, and she's pretty young. She suggested we do Dinner tomorrow, maybe shes wary about just grabbing drinks as well. Def still interested.
A girl who I thought wasn't really feeling me after a date a few weeks ago just hit me up asking if I wanted to hang out again. I know she was going back home, so maybe that's why no real communication. The problem is I'm not even sure if it's that girl because I never saved her number.
Also disabled OKC cause Tinder has been working well, no need to exhaust both.
^Dem guns bro
Was suppose to have a date Saturday with this Korean girl, like from Korea but who's been going to NYU the last few years. She canceled, pushed it back to today and canceled again. I think she just might be nervous. I wouldn't be surprised if she's never met anyone using Tinder, and she's pretty young. She suggested we do Dinner tomorrow, maybe shes wary about just grabbing drinks as well. Def still interested.
A girl who I thought wasn't really feeling me after a date a few weeks ago just hit me up asking if I wanted to hang out again. I know she was going back home, so maybe that's why no real communication. The problem is I'm not even sure if it's that girl because I never saved her number.
Also disabled OKC cause Tinder has been working well, no need to exhaust both.
^Dem guns bro
CheDominik
Member
I don't know, I think I may quit tinder again. It's just exhausting, I'm basically active for a week and had a nice hook up and a "date" (it wasn't really a date, I was just in a bar with friends and told her to stop by). But this back and forth messaging is just stupid, I always write the same shit, because I know it works. I basically have the same conversation with 20 different women, but I don't think it's interesting at all.
Gray Matter
Member
You look exactly like my cousins dad,
Nooooooo
What have I unleashed upon the ladies of your area
Hmm....
I'll admit, I have answered to a couple (not all) of the guys that said just 'hey, how's it going?'. Honestly, though, I always found the conversations went nowhere, and partially that's my fault. I typically would put as much effort into the response as I saw in the opener, so it'd usually go:
"How are you?"
"I'm okay, just got off work/just got home from [place]. You?"
"I'm doing alright"
I'd typically leave a little hook (it's small, but it's there) to see if they'd take initiative to further conversation, but I never had anyone that did, and I didn't want to try to force conversation.
I mean, if you were to go (for a random example):
"Nice picture of you and your sister at the beach, it looks great! How are you today?"
That actually doesn't have a lot of substance either, but it does leave an impression that you did at least look at their profile before sending a message. I'd respond a lot of positively to that, and that's just an extra sentence.
But I'm also thinking the short, simple things work a lot better for Tinder. And then there's the infamous "Pizza or sushi?" opener.
I like the humour quite a bit.
And you play of your name well like me haha.
Also, 95% match. There should be a Neogaf dating website.
I live in Pittsburgh. If another person used shit grammar and spelling, no one would notice.
The messaging style that's always worked best for me is the "Creative story" message. Take a detail from their profile and pictures, and spin it into something from left field. It's the combination of "try to make them laugh" and "show you've read their profile", distilled into three sentences.
I think online dating isn't for me. I unsuccessfully tried it a few years ago (POF) and it was just a disappointment.
I can't also get to choose pictures that I feel comfortable putting on a potential profile. I feel like, eh.. I'm just not dating material. I seem to be going back and forth between trying again or not.
Part of me says I should just do it, the other part says I won't have any luck.
Best of luck!
I can't also get to choose pictures that I feel comfortable putting on a potential profile. I feel like, eh.. I'm just not dating material. I seem to be going back and forth between trying again or not.
Part of me says I should just do it, the other part says I won't have any luck.
Best of luck!
Advocatus Diaboli
Member
Had a date Friday night that went exceedingly well -- six hours of talking, laughing, and interacting with others in the bar who commented on us, capped with us literally making out in the street, lamenting being "those kinds of people" until she took an Uber home. Did everything I don't ordinarily do, like text beforehand and afterwards. (Initially, the texts were joking and giving each other shit; they've since morphed into me just sending her an encouraging text to get through tonight's shift at work.) I absolutely want to get to know her more; I legitimately think that, if things continue, there could be "something" there.
Anyway, at the end of Friday's date, we set our next date for this Friday, although she said her week was open; I knew I'd be busy with work, since I'm prepping for court, but now I'm regretting putting it off so long. We like each other: we've said as much. I suppose I'm a little nervous about things fizzling out over the next week, but there's nothing I can do about that, right?
Anyway, I've crowdsourced this question with my RL friends, but I wanted GAF's take: prior to meeting this girl, I'd previously set up a coffee date with someone else. I fully realize that I'm not even anywhere within the realm of even thinking about approaching exclusivity, so I'm going to go on that date. As far as my OKC messaging habits go, I was also in a convo with another girl, and I'm continuing that, but I don't really feel the need to dangle bait and message more girls.
But -- what's the ethical way to approach a situation where you're clearly leaning one way, but you're not anywhere close to suggesting exclusivity?
Anyway, at the end of Friday's date, we set our next date for this Friday, although she said her week was open; I knew I'd be busy with work, since I'm prepping for court, but now I'm regretting putting it off so long. We like each other: we've said as much. I suppose I'm a little nervous about things fizzling out over the next week, but there's nothing I can do about that, right?
Anyway, I've crowdsourced this question with my RL friends, but I wanted GAF's take: prior to meeting this girl, I'd previously set up a coffee date with someone else. I fully realize that I'm not even anywhere within the realm of even thinking about approaching exclusivity, so I'm going to go on that date. As far as my OKC messaging habits go, I was also in a convo with another girl, and I'm continuing that, but I don't really feel the need to dangle bait and message more girls.
But -- what's the ethical way to approach a situation where you're clearly leaning one way, but you're not anywhere close to suggesting exclusivity?
stn
Member
The "ethical" part is just the lawyer in you talking.
Honestly though, I'd recommend you keep all your options open for now. You've only had one date with the girl. I don't mean to be a party pooper but she can very easily disappear just like that. Go meet other girls but break it off if you find yourself seeing this girl more and more. Thing is, what I'm suggesting sucks. Its definitely not ideal to break it off with a bunch of girls when you only truly have one in mind. But most people WILL play the field. I'd say keep your options open until you find yourself physically having a second date with this girl. To me, the second date is the real first date. Once you're in it you can start focusing on the one girl. Good luck!
EDIT: I think I wrongfully assumed that you only had one date with this girl. If yes, the answer is simple. If you want to focus on her, do it. You're not obligated to meet the other girls. I know its kind of a cold answer but that's all there is to it.
Advocatus Diaboli
Member
Oh, I agree. Fully intended to. I already confirmed the coffee date, and sent a flirty message back to the other (pretty damn cool) chick. But thanks to you and stn for not making me feel shitty about it. So yeah -- only had one date with her, with another planned. My stumbling block was that I just can't help feeling bad for Coffee Girl, whom I think is very nice, but whom I seriously couldn't care less about right now (through no fault of her own, either).
Playing the field is hard.
EDIT:
stn said:
Yeah, it was only one date, which is why I'm not doing something stupid like thinking it's verging towards success. My thought process is pretty simple, honestly: "I like this girl. I assume she's dating other people, since she totally has the right to do so. I'm awesome, though. Do I really need to go out with other chicks in the interim?" I think I'll just dial back playing the field since I'm biased now -- fewer "long shots" and more "hey, I'm excited to get to know you" girls. How do you all do it?
stn
Member
Only one date? Yeah man, keep options open. You could feel like you and the other person had the best time ever, then somehow a second date never happens. Make her your focus but invest time in other girls you're interested in. For the ones you're just not interested in--like the one mentioned above, for example--just cut. Don't feel like you're obligated to meet people, because chances are they don't feel an obligation to meet you. Good luck!
I mean 2 weeks ago I had a fantastic date with someone, but they disappeared after the second date.
Anyway, so the Korean girl said she's 100 percent about not flaking this time. Kinda excited. My Tinder was pretty active tonight as well. Some girl visiting from the UK is in town for one more night tomorrow and want's to meet up.
Yea, it's all fun but I think I want something a bit more serious.
Anyway, so the Korean girl said she's 100 percent about not flaking this time. Kinda excited. My Tinder was pretty active tonight as well. Some girl visiting from the UK is in town for one more night tomorrow and want's to meet up.
Yea, it's all fun but I think I want something a bit more serious.
It seems that you're on a roll man and to think you were only lamenting about feeling ugly nearly two weeks ago. Serendipity is on your side that much is for sure. Asking for her name when you forgot it is probably going to be awkward but I'm sure you can invent something smooth or just be honest and say that you didn't get her name.
And yeah, I lift bro. Got them good genetics that keep me lean and muscular. Need to take summer pictures to show off the body since the pics I have up now don't really do it justice. Maybe I'll post a picture in that FitGAF progess thread somewhere down the line.
I hear you on that. Tinder can be incredibly overwhelming/rote when you're juggling so many conversations when only a handful will funnel into dates. I've found it rather ironic that on OKC I managed to have two dates with one girl whereas on Tinder I never got past a first date with any of the girls I met since either they weren't interested or I wasn't interested including a one-time hook up. Maybe you need to set your expectations low or try another online dating service.
Hahaha, basically your uncle; I'll take that as a compliment. It's nice to know that I have a doppelganger out in CT. Is it because of the glasses or the hair?
Hahaha, I knew you did! Pictures are everything. I bet if it was a guy you deemed unattractive or wasn't your "type," you didn't respond.;p
That conversation sounds really dull since it sounds like the guys didn't make an effort to be interested because of your hint. I would have either asked about your profession or what part of the city that you live in do you call home. As funny as it might sound, I like think of it like playing through a conversation tree in say The Witcher 2 or Alpha Protocol where you can further investigate a topic to inquire further information. It's for that very same reason that reading between the lines led to the aforementioned one time hook up.
Once in a while, I would make more of an effort to say write more unique messages that's tailored to a person's profile especially if it's an artist type. An alternate line that I'll use is "That picture of you [say on top of a stuffed unicorn that has clown make up as an example] looks interesting/cool. What's the story behind it?"
Thanks man, I think I'm going to play that up more and pepper it into a few more sections. The funniest thing that I found on Tinder was that by putting "I swear my name is one of the great mysteries of the world to non-Spanish speaking people" on my profile, I would occasionally get messages from girls guessing how to pronounce it or asking about its origins. It's usually one of the very first things I get asked in person in addition to people romanticizing the whole "artist" mystique.
Hahaha, can love truly bloom on GAF? Several GAF couples definitely say yes it can but it would feel a bit like a soap opera/celebrity tabloid because if a break up were to happen, half of GAF's OT side would know about it.
Personally, as much as I like video games/working at conventions, I can't see myself dating a girl who advertises being a nerd first, cool girl second since I find it more annoying than endearing. I almost went out with a nerdy girl before I had deactivated my Tinder back in early February but she kept making me jump through too many unnecessary hoops such as refusing to give her number until after the first date and wanting to meet up at Nintendo World because she was straight edged (didn't want to meet up at a Starbucks because she didn't drink coffee when I told her that they serve tea and other drinks). I felt so irritated that I unmatched her and that was that. She lost me at being straight edged since I drink socially.
@Diaboli, I saw A Few Good Men last weekend. It reminded me of your line of work. It was great to hear Jack Nicholson's famous "You can't handle the truth" line in its full context.
I lift too, but I still have high BF despite being below weight. I still have a gut, and I don't have the definition I'd like. It's hard for me to eat right, like damn near impossible. I really wanna fix my bike though, and get some cardio I never do in. I'd feel some much better if I cut down on some bodyfat.
Advocatus Diaboli
Member
We're too alike. My excuse is, "As soon as I get a permanent job offer [I'm working on a contract basis now], I'll join the gym next to me." Well, fuck it. You get your bike fixed, and I'll join that gym.
At least I had a salad for dinner tonight.
Hey, at least you're getting you're some action. Maybe you should stick to drinking low carb beers for future reference. I have a few male friends who have body image issues and would feel self-conscious to be shirtless in a locker room/beach context.
Hell, a couple of friends would to be in your shoes right about now but they dismiss online dating, feel shy, or take it personally when they don't get replies. I'm no fitness expert and have a regiment that works for me so as long as I work out 4 days a week, I'm happy. No cardio since I'm already slim and get that from walking.
Although admittedly, I do lead a bit of a sedentary life sitting down in front of a desk in my room for hours at a time which isn't very good but whenever I'm downtown, I usually walk for a good 20-60 blocks at a time. Best thing about our city is that it's easily walkable; especially in Manhattan. Unfortunately, I still don't know how to ride a bike and feel like I've missed out on a good portion of adolescent adventures with my brothers because of that but I used to ride a scooter.
Getting started on something is always the hardest part about anything including fitness (I'm procrastinating on some graphic design work I need to do). Meanwhile, I've been having Breyers Snickers ice cream for the past two days and don't feel bad about it although the fear of getting diabetes is occasionally on my mind seeing as my grandfather passed away from it last year. =/
My body is not terrible by any means, but I am super self conscious about it. I hate being seen without a shirt, and laying naked next to a chick makes me feel pretty gross. I used to be 220ish, and now I'm 180, I've never completely got rid of the gut I had. additionally my chest is really underdeveloped for as much time as I put into it and it's pretty disappointing. I suppose it's due to just poor eating habits though I never drink soda, and rarely eat stuff like fast food or sweets. I also feel like losing some weight in my cheeks could take me to upper echelon territory, but I'm probably thinking about this to much. Yea, i do walk a bit too. It's really great just walking around Manhattan.
The girl who text me, was indeed the girl I thought it was. Thanking FB phone number search for that one. It was weird, we had a date about two weeks ago at an Ice Cream place. It was fine for the most part, but afterwards she didn't really seems like she wanted to connect again. I know she was going back home, but I though she'd be back the previous Sunday. I guess she came back today and contacted me as soon as she got back. We have something set for Wed, I just don't know what. She's not a drinker so I guess we'll see.
The girl who text me, was indeed the girl I thought it was. Thanking FB phone number search for that one. It was weird, we had a date about two weeks ago at an Ice Cream place. It was fine for the most part, but afterwards she didn't really seems like she wanted to connect again. I know she was going back home, but I though she'd be back the previous Sunday. I guess she came back today and contacted me as soon as she got back. We have something set for Wed, I just don't know what. She's not a drinker so I guess we'll see.
What do you guys (Tinder users) do to deal with girls who will like multiple "moments" of yours over the course of a week but won't respond to your message? Seems so weird to me.
Tentatively have something lined up Wednesday with a girl heading to Spain for a grad program in a month, so hopefully they're looking for a bit of fun before then. We may go to a show together next week if it goes well.
On OKC I was talking with a gal who works in the game industry. I thought our conversation there dried up as she hadn't responded to my last message, but as it turns out they actually messaged me on Wednesday and I never saw the notification for it until today. woooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooops. D:
As for the topic at hand here, I have various issues with my body but I'm so much more comfortable with myself than I was even a year ago. Stay active, walk, do some push ups/curls/pull ups. Jog if you aren't too lazy. Biking is great, hiking too. I wish I had access to a pool because swimming is the best workout ever.
Tentatively have something lined up Wednesday with a girl heading to Spain for a grad program in a month, so hopefully they're looking for a bit of fun before then. We may go to a show together next week if it goes well.
On OKC I was talking with a gal who works in the game industry. I thought our conversation there dried up as she hadn't responded to my last message, but as it turns out they actually messaged me on Wednesday and I never saw the notification for it until today. woooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooops. D:
As for the topic at hand here, I have various issues with my body but I'm so much more comfortable with myself than I was even a year ago. Stay active, walk, do some push ups/curls/pull ups. Jog if you aren't too lazy. Biking is great, hiking too. I wish I had access to a pool because swimming is the best workout ever.
If they do that I assume they're just mildly pestering me to provide them a follower on twitter or instagram.
I just say to them, ' You're not allowed to like my moments and not respond to me, you dork.' Something along those lines.
Don't follow any of the rules with regards to double texting with random girls on the Internet you might never meet. Who cares? I'm just straight forward. One time a girl never responded to me so I asked her to block me so i didn't have to see her anymore.. We ended up meeting up.
It all matters how you say it, though. Be direct but don't be an asshole.
Of course not! Wouldn't want to waste my time and his if I feel like he wasn't my type!
But, I graded less on general looks and more on if they were on my age range (for real, I had a lot of older men messaging despite my age range cutting off at 30 on my profile) and if they looked creepy/"dirty" (have proper hygiene and know somewhat how to dress, regardless of the style they're going for itself), lol.As for the gym/fitness thing, I find my biggest problem is more of a financial level. To my frugal self, it's very hard to drop big money on healthy foods when I can go to McDonalds and get a 10 piece McNuggets (which will fill me up for a meal) for about $1.50. Granted I have made some money-savvy changes in my diet that have helped (water's free, bananas are super cheap and make a good breakfast, and Clif bars are both tasty and not pricey), but I'm still far from being completely healthy (soda's free at work too... >.>). It's not like I don't have the money itself, I just find it hard to spend the actual cash. And for the gym itself, I need some sort of guidance like a personal trainer, as I'm not sure of proper workout form, but that costs money too.
Oh, and the whole motivation thing. Laziness is a pain sometimes ;D
beat
Member
But on Tinder, if someone doesn't fill out their profile with anything and their photos are pretty generic too, I feel like there's not much to say beyond 'hi'. (I'm bad at Tinder.)
Good luck!
Out of left field questions.
Ex: Who wins in a fight: robots or pirates?
Personally I message girls for a few days or even a week before asking them out. Some in this thread swear by asking out after only three or four messages. Both styles work and it depends on what you like, how the conversation is going etc.
I try and bring it to real life as soon as possible before I build up some fantasy around the girl, or she build one up about you. Makes things more real.
Ask her out, it's not to soon.
Nah breh. The sooner the better, otherwise you risk the other person losing interest.
I responded to her message from yesterday, and she hasn't responded since. I just didn't want to let the gap get too large to the point where she's disinterested, but at the same time, I'm just worried that maybe I'm jumping in too quickly.
In any case, I just sent her a message asking her out for drinks or coffee or something.
In any case, I just sent her a message asking her out for drinks or coffee or something.
Be more decisive on what, where, and when.
Yeah I second this. I never understood the three day rule, lol
Anecdote from just now which is something to consider in this topic: talking to this girl on Tinder since Friday. She's been changing her description and pictures quite a bit so I figure she just started using Tinder. I asked her out today for this Thursday and said she's excited and added "and a bit scared haha, but it'll be fun!".
What I take from this is that I'm the first one to ask her out. She's a great looking girl and funny so I don't doubt she has her fair share of matches to talk to. I probably just beat everyone else to the punch by being (somewhat) assertive about it, which is an attractive quality to pretty much every girl. Be assertive.
What I take from this is that I'm the first one to ask her out. She's a great looking girl and funny so I don't doubt she has her fair share of matches to talk to. I probably just beat everyone else to the punch by being (somewhat) assertive about it, which is an attractive quality to pretty much every girl. Be assertive.
I asked her generally if she wants to go for coffee, drinks or something, and once/if I get a response, I'd set specifics.
be more specific
"hey, wanna like, meet up for coffee, drinks, whatever, whenever" screams "PLEASE HANG OUT WITH ME I'D DO ANYTHING PLEAAAAAAASE"
whereas
"Saturday, 1pm, coffee at x?" is "I'm a busy man I have other shit to do, wanna do this or not?"
beat
Member
Feels gimmicky to me, not that I have a better alternative.
Exactly.
Anyway on my way to this date with the Korean girl. Pretty nervous, I feel like there's gonna be a language/ cultural barrier thing going on. Plus I still hate my haircut, it's way to short.
On the plus side the place has two dollar drafts, so I'll be pretty buzzed if the UK girl wants to meet up.
davepoobond
you can't put a price on sparks
More likely she's been asked out a lot of times already and hasn't said yes to anyone. Her saying she is scared gives her an out if she feels like she doesn't want to meet up with you after all IMO
I've had that song and dance a few times already
CheDominik
Member
Yeah it's gimmicky, but it works. Girls get hundreds of "Hi's" every fucking day. Just ask creative or even batshit insane questions. That's everything I do. I have around a 80% reply percentage.
I read it somewhere but something I used is: What would you rather fight, 100 duck-sized horses or 10 horse-sized ducks?
edit: Or would you rather wear 80's clothes for a year or an 80's hairstyle?