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Online Dating |OT| Please Respond
- Thread starter Jhoan
- Start date
Admiral Woofington
Member
It's awkward to bring up if the girl doesn't offer but lord knows I ain't offering to pay fully unless it's like a cup of coffee or my actual gf.
I've seen ladies with "I hear this is a way to get free pizza so I'll join in I guess"
I'd love to invite them to pizza and then just split the bill and leave her there.
Splitting the bill is a big no-no for me. I absolutely will not let a woman pay until a few dates in. If I like a girl, then I am not going to risk losing her over 20 or so dollars.
davepoobond
you can't put a price on sparks
i think there's a $ minimum for me. if i'm doing more than 70% of the cost, i'll just pay for theirs if its like in the <30 dollar range.
if its like 60 bucks and i only had like 10 bucks worth, i'd suggest splitting...
i think it basically also depends on if they offer.
Totally know that feel bro. It gets overwhelming that I've been trying to cut back on going out with a set amount of girls a week.
I wanted to hang out with a GAF bro tomorrow for a while but can't because I have a second date with a girl in the night. However, I reached a "compromise" where I'll speak to him after I meet with the boss then go see the girl. This month I'm going to cut back on dating a bit to see if I can zero in seeing a small handful of girls.
Hahaha, I've been doing this lately and it's helped save me money by going to a Starbucks as opposed to a bar. It's much cheaper and can talk without having a stereo system or a sports game blaring in the background.
So the date with the girl ended about 1.5 hours ago that I'm back in my nabe. I broke my one golden rule and forgot to hug her initially. Made myself look bad to some degree and made the mistake of high-fiving her a few times. I noticed she was twirling her hair while in conversation so dunno if she was nervous or anxious to leave.
Honestly, I thought the girl was meh/vanilla that we didn't have much in common besides liking the public library and fiction. Typical attractive blondie NYU alum who's working a 9-5 at a non-profit, lives with roommates in Brooklyn, goes out with friends, and Netflix. Not much else to her and she's surprisingly oblivious to a good chunk of Manhattan (not a deal breaker). I guess I was expecting more out of it. I texted her to ask if she got him all right in any case. Haven't gotten a reply back but in all honesty I won't be bummed out at all if we didn't click won't blame her if she doesn't reply at all.
It felt very interview-ish so she'll be doing me a solid plus it seems like she has a lot going for her with being out of town at the end of this month and early next month. That said, if she does reply then I'll offer to see her again as a benefit of the doubt. Otherwise, no sweat off my back so I'll happily move on.
This is what I started doing last summer. And when they don't offer, I ask them if they wanna split the bill. Sorry, I'm not an ATM.
I let the girl answer the waiter instead of preemptively offering to pay. For the most part they ask to split. After a few dates and we're more stable, we start alternate-taking the bill.
I've only taken the bill once on a first date (well, twice, but that was from losing a bet and I already knew the girl), but that was because she was a student. Generally, it doesn't matter how much more or less money she makes than me, it's a date between two equals. I'm not there to pamper a princess.
A different perspective on this: if you lose a girl over 20 dollars, you may have dodged a bullet
I've only taken the bill once on a first date (well, twice, but that was from losing a bet and I already knew the girl), but that was because she was a student. Generally, it doesn't matter how much more or less money she makes than me, it's a date between two equals. I'm not there to pamper a princess.
A different perspective on this: if you lose a girl over 20 dollars, you may have dodged a bullet
ItAintEasyBeinCheesy
it's 4th of July in my asshole
Been on POF for a lil bit now. Update my profile pic with a hat on....
In for a sure thing on Friday. 21, she literally said "I want to fuck you". So ok.
Date on the weekend. 22. Very cute.
And have a bunch of others messaging.
Good times. I'm 29. I'm not bald or anything either.
In for a sure thing on Friday. 21, she literally said "I want to fuck you". So ok.
Date on the weekend. 22. Very cute.
And have a bunch of others messaging.
Good times. I'm 29. I'm not bald or anything either.
Not necessarily. There are still a lot of traditional women out there that like it when a man is a traditional man. If I am possibly competing with other men, which I most likely am, I am not going to lose a great girl to a man who is more of a man in the traditional sense. My current girlfriend loves the fact that I take on the traditionally masculine roles, and she loves being a traditional woman. She cooks all of the meals, cleans, passes most of the decision making to me, etc. I guess this is different if you're just looking to hook-up, but I wasn't. I wanted a girlfriend that likes traditional roles in a relationship.
I guess I just don't like the undertones behind the traditional gender roles imposed by society. Even the wording gives it away. 'More of a man' for... paying for a meal? Just makes me uncomfortable, but maybe that's the feminist in me! Anyway, that was a bit of tangent, I get where you're coming from and there's definitely a place for traditional roles in dating - dating is difficult enough as it is that you should take every advantage you can get.
I don't think splitting a bill is a deal breaker for these types of women. It's a matter of everyone comparing their options in online dating, and I had no intention of losing out to another guy. The competition is fierce and you have to get as much working to your advantage as possible.
He did say more of a man in the traditional sense. Of course paying for stuff has nothing to do with being a man, but in the traditional (archaic if you ask me) sense it does.
Rest
All these years later I still chuckle at what a fucking moron that guy is.
So many of my jokes sound fucking mean. That's been something women have said to me in real life, I'll say something funny and they'll giggle and tell me I'm mean. It doesn't come across as funny in text though, I just sound like a jerk. Bah.
Jason's Ultimatum
Member
I've noticed a lot of the women on 6tin that I've matched aint looking for a hook up. =\
Can't get any of these skip skap scallywags to do a one nighter.
EDIT-Well this is weird. I just received a txt msg stating that i was matched with a woman, and I clicked on her profile. Gorgeous woman yet. Seemed legit, with a profile, IG, loves craft beer, gaming, and shooting.
I exit 6tin, hit the app again, check all the women I was matched with, and she's not there anymore. If she unmatched me, I would've received a msg, but I didn't get one.
Man, now I don't remember her IG or name, and I'm outta swipes until tomorrow.
EDITx2-Well, now I'm confused. Maybe she didn't. I saw the text msg pop on on my phone, quickly hit it, signed me onto 6tin, and yeah, I can't remember if it took me to the "you're matched!" screen or maybe just her profile since she was the last swipe. I then go to the screen to see all my matches, and there's a new girl that's unrelated to aforementioned.
Hmmm. Well this sucks.
Can't get any of these skip skap scallywags to do a one nighter.
EDIT-Well this is weird. I just received a txt msg stating that i was matched with a woman, and I clicked on her profile. Gorgeous woman yet. Seemed legit, with a profile, IG, loves craft beer, gaming, and shooting.
I exit 6tin, hit the app again, check all the women I was matched with, and she's not there anymore. If she unmatched me, I would've received a msg, but I didn't get one.
Man, now I don't remember her IG or name, and I'm outta swipes until tomorrow.
EDITx2-Well, now I'm confused. Maybe she didn't. I saw the text msg pop on on my phone, quickly hit it, signed me onto 6tin, and yeah, I can't remember if it took me to the "you're matched!" screen or maybe just her profile since she was the last swipe. I then go to the screen to see all my matches, and there's a new girl that's unrelated to aforementioned.
Hmmm. Well this sucks.
Admiral Woofington
Member
Oh my god I just came across the BEST fake profile ever. You guys.
She fucking told this story about getting mugged in her about me. I thought it was going to go a darker place and then it's like
"Help a girl out, please give me $500 so I won't get kicked out of my apartment"
Like. Amazing. I'll get my money's worth if I read more of these.
She fucking told this story about getting mugged in her about me. I thought it was going to go a darker place and then it's like
"Help a girl out, please give me $500 so I won't get kicked out of my apartment"
Like. Amazing. I'll get my money's worth if I read more of these.
Advocatus Diaboli
Member
To supplement the general sitcom-ness that is my life (hi, davepoobond):
I'd been chatting with a girl on OKC briefly. She "liked" me. My first message was something equivalent to, "Just to avoid the awkward glances, yeah, I go to school where you do too." She replied, "Don't worry, I won't be on campus. Just during exam time." Then, she went radio silent for a week.
Just got a message.
"So, that's you in my class, isn't it?"
I'd been chatting with a girl on OKC briefly. She "liked" me. My first message was something equivalent to, "Just to avoid the awkward glances, yeah, I go to school where you do too." She replied, "Don't worry, I won't be on campus. Just during exam time." Then, she went radio silent for a week.
Just got a message.
"So, that's you in my class, isn't it?"
I've gotten several matches on tinder. I am at a loss as to how to keep women interested or where to go from stupid small talk. I feel like I'm getting exlipsed by other dudes that do this better than I. I notice that women talk with me a lot at first, but then things fall off. It's because I can't get passed the basic bullshit questions; what do you do for fun, how long have you lived here, what do you go to school for, how often do you murder hookers in dark alleyways.
davepoobond
you can't put a price on sparks
That's when you ask them out.
Congrats on the stalker
Sounds like you're taking too long to ask them out. How long do the convos usually go on for before the radio silence?
stn
Member
Now's your chance to say "Come say "hi" and find out.
" But yeah, your experiences, albeit weird, sound fun.Lone_Prodigy
Member
Court, Date
By day, Connor Smith (Zac Efron) is a ruthless deputy district attorney (always leave room for a promotion) who puts away the most hardened criminals. But at night the tie comes off, the candles come on, and he's enjoying a steak dinner set to jazz music... alone.
Watch as Connor navigates the baffling world of dating. He's got a motive: his well-meaning but overprotective mother (Kathy Bates) who wants grandkids but doesn't want her boy going on those "scary websites with that Ashley Madison girl". He's got witnesses: his best friend and worst wingman Larry (Kevin James, "why would you ever want to get married like I did") and his ex-wife (and other best friend) Michelle (Thandie Newton, "I'd love to hear about your date but I've got someone coming over"). He's got evidence: a drawer full of underwear (not his) and too many wine bottles going out with the recycling. All he needs is conviction and a life sentence (with no parole).
The rest of the cast includes Lisa Kudrow as Larry's wife, 50 Cent as Connor's neighbour, Sam Worthington as a hotshot defence lawyer, Daniel Dae Kim as the district attorney, and Eliza Dushku as a judge.
Coming this fall, Tuesdays on NBC.
Admiral Woofington
Member
Tinder bots are the best
So much fun
So much fun
Things have been going pretty well, I've been on 4 dates the past week or so and had some fun with all of them thankfully
-First girl I met was really outdoorsy, a bit too much for me (even though I do like backpacking a lot). We had a great conversation and I'd actually like to be friends with her if possible, not sure if anyone else has tried this transition?
-Second girl, great conversation and we had very very similar interest. The only bad thing is that she is a lawyer and seems to work A LOT...which I don't know if I could handle.
-Third girl is a hair stylist/spokesperson for a styling brand. We hit it off immensely well, I'm truly smitten and we have a second date setup for Saturday to watch a horror movie at my place and have a few drinks. She was the only girl I went in for a kiss with as it just seemed like a really good connection.
-Fourth girl was pretty fun as well, very broad tastes, she is a ballerina who likes lifting weights and watching Star Trek TNG as well as 1980s horror movies. We have another date setup for sometime next week.
-Then meeting some childrens book author/illustrator this weekend, she seems really cool.
I guess why I'm posting this is for advice on what the rules of this thing are. Is it generally understood that everyone is dating more than one person? Is it ok to kiss multiple people? How many dates before exclusivity? Do people sleep with multiple people at once? I have no idea what the fuck is going on. Please help...
-First girl I met was really outdoorsy, a bit too much for me (even though I do like backpacking a lot). We had a great conversation and I'd actually like to be friends with her if possible, not sure if anyone else has tried this transition?
-Second girl, great conversation and we had very very similar interest. The only bad thing is that she is a lawyer and seems to work A LOT...which I don't know if I could handle.
-Third girl is a hair stylist/spokesperson for a styling brand. We hit it off immensely well, I'm truly smitten and we have a second date setup for Saturday to watch a horror movie at my place and have a few drinks. She was the only girl I went in for a kiss with as it just seemed like a really good connection.
-Fourth girl was pretty fun as well, very broad tastes, she is a ballerina who likes lifting weights and watching Star Trek TNG as well as 1980s horror movies. We have another date setup for sometime next week.
-Then meeting some childrens book author/illustrator this weekend, she seems really cool.
I guess why I'm posting this is for advice on what the rules of this thing are. Is it generally understood that everyone is dating more than one person? Is it ok to kiss multiple people? How many dates before exclusivity? Do people sleep with multiple people at once? I have no idea what the fuck is going on. Please help...
They're more like guidelines than actual rules.
- Yes, there is a general understanding that anyone is potentially dating multiple people. Just never tell the girl you're currently with what you did with other girls.
- Kissing multiple people - go with what you're comfortable with. Other people are definitely kissing multiple others.
- You're exclusive once you have the talk about not seeing other people. I had one girl bring it up on the second date. With another we avoided the topic entirely and went out for 6 weeks.
- Some people are sleeping with multiple people at once. You don't have to. I do not.
Usually hours/days. I'm so bad at getting to that point of asking. I've asked girls before & they seem interested, but the convo tends to end there as well.
vicissitudes
Banned
- If you are a girl there's an 80% chance you are dating more than one person, if you are a guy it's 50%. It is generally acceptable for a girl to go out with as many guys as she wants, while guys are generally limited to going on dates with no more than 5 different girls in a week.
- It's okay to kiss up to three people you are seeing at the same time, assuming you are dating them concurrently. If you are dating and kissing two girls and kissed a third girl but do not intend to see her again, you may proceed to date and kiss a fourth girl provided you have cut off contact with the third girl. If you are unsure whether you will see someone for another date, the rule is you can kiss up to five different girls in one week, but you must not schedule a second date with two of them until the subsequent week.
- A formal date counts as a date that consists of one-on-one interaction for at least an hour. Meeting up for a quick 30 minute coffee does not count. A disparate date is defined as a formal date that occurs at least 24 hours after another formal date. During the third date it is acceptable to bring up exclusivity. After seven dates if there have been no discussion, it is acceptable at this point to assume exclusivity.
- You can sleep with multiple people at once, but for people you are formally dating (having had more than one formal date), you are limited to no more than two people. Thus, you may sleep with two girls you are dating, as well as have a one-night stand, as well as have a friend with benefits on the side. Once you bring up exclusivity or you have had a fifth formal date with a girl it is no longer acceptable to sleep with another girl, whichever requirement is fulfilled first.
If you have any more questions I have a leather-bound dating rulebook in my library which I can look up for you, but it's written in ye olde English and requires some time for me to transcribe.
Advocatus Diaboli
Member
You have no idea how close you are. I mean, holy fuck. I also really appreciate the fact that you'd have Zac Efron play me. I've had the "hey, from this angle, you look like Christian Bale" pitch before, but that's an overreach. You'd just need to change Larry's wife to my best friend, and while I love the comedic stylings of Kevin James, her husband is actually rather stilted and metro -- we'll go with a return-to-TV joint for Ryan Reynolds.
... I'd also really watch this show.
Back in real life, I had a second date tonight. Our personalities are 100% in sync, it feels totally comfortable, we both admitted that we're a little nervous; it ended in a goodnight kiss and talk of a more active third date (rather than just drinking and/or eating). I'm not entirely sure what vibe I get with her or vice-versa. But I also get the feeling that she's allowing things to develop rather than expecting something overwhelming immediately, which is nice.
You've basically described 98% of the girls on OKC in the city.
Thanks for the advice (even the sarcastic pieces )
I've just been a serial monogamist my whole life, this whole scene is so new. I guess I'll just play it by ear, I won't sleep with more than one person at a time though, just not how I am for whatever reason. Appreciate the tips!
)I've just been a serial monogamist my whole life, this whole scene is so new. I guess I'll just play it by ear, I won't sleep with more than one person at a time though, just not how I am for whatever reason. Appreciate the tips!
DoktorEvil
Banned
Midwestern too?
Hahaha, indeed it is. There's not a single profile that I don't encounter where I see Netflix or hanging out with friends at a bar on their Typical Friday Night section as well as Netflix listed on their 6 things they can't live without section. *yawn*
I think I'm getting tired/bored of going out with the city transplant/young professional who's been living here for an x amount of years and complains about their neighborhood not having good pizza/organic food place/[insert random complaint here]. All style, no substance to them. It's been hard to find girls that eschew that cookie cutter mold.
Yup, originally from Wisconsin (been getting a of Wisconsin blondies lately) that she moved to the city for school, graduated, and still lives here. I never heard from her again and I'm okay with that.
I think I finally see what you meant about meeting girls that are very run-of-the-mill and can see why you want to meet women who are the opposite of that; they're way more interesting. I would kill to meet a hair dresser or a freelancer who doesn't have a regular 9-5/works from at home/is a city native.
Lone_Prodigy
Member
Well I drew on every sitcom trope I could find, so I guess life imitates art.
Totally not a creepy stalker.
Ouch! I'm sorry to see that. Never broken a limb but I imagine the pain must be...unpleasant to say the least. *knocks on wood*
It goes to show that our lovely city has its share of cray-cray people out in the online dating world. What's the story behind this bad tinder date/the arm break? How did that happen? Need more details so do elaborate.
MonorailCat
Member
out of the blue I got a textmessage from a Tindergirl I met last year.
She is visiting my city for a few days and wants to have a drink with me.
Went to have some cocktails.
Then "Reservoir Dogs" at my place.
Then we had a good night.
Surprise dates are best dates.
She is visiting my city for a few days and wants to have a drink with me.
Went to have some cocktails.
Then "Reservoir Dogs" at my place.
Then we had a good night.
Surprise dates are best dates.
Wait so there was torture involved?
Rest
All these years later I still chuckle at what a fucking moron that guy is.
Honestly, I couldn't say. That kind of stuff has never made sense to me.
I'm one to assume that most people are just stupid. Maybe those guys aren't able to assess a profile, make a judgement about the user, and write a message based on that. They might only be capable of absorbing visual information. Maybe they're trolling.
Seriously, does anyone here send that kind of stuff? What's the deal?
As judgmental as what I wrote above sounds, I promise not to judge anyone that comes forward. Believe <3
MonorailCat
Member
And in the end I put the lime in the coconut .... ...
Rest
All these years later I still chuckle at what a fucking moron that guy is.
Give me your thoughts and experience on something: I've typically responded to every message right away, sometimes within minutes of getting them if I'm on when it comes in. A lot of times, girls just stop responding. Lately though, since I'm not really as interested because of my lack of success, I've been letting messages sit for days, or sometimes a week or more before I answer.
About half the time I get another response when I do this. Is delayed messaging an important technique?
About half the time I get another response when I do this. Is delayed messaging an important technique?
No, there are no rules to when you should respond to a message. If there were rules to this, people would be driving themselves insane.
However, do take note that if you don't respond within several days, most people are going to assume that you're not interested and move on even if you reply. If you feel like it's working for you, then more power to you but do ask the girls out since time waits for no one. Girls' interest can only be held for so long before the lose interest and move on which is probably a big reason why you haven't been having any success. So yeah, ask them out sooner rather than later or else get relegated to being a pen pal/another guy on the internet.
Rest
All these years later I still chuckle at what a fucking moron that guy is.
I haven't even been getting second replies with any frequency until recently. So, stirring up any interest in the first place was an issue.
So, delayed messaging...in order for it to work, the girl has to like you already. It all comes down to uncertainty. If you message a girl a lot and suddenly stop, you create uncertainty. It gets in people's minds...did something happen to the guy, did he find someone else, was he not that interested to me to begin with (how many guys here have had these same thoughts?). And that gets them thinking...and the more they think about you, the more their mind rationalizes that they're thinking about you because they like you.
And I'm not making this up, they've done studies on it - http://pss.sagepub.com/content/early/2010/12/17/0956797610393745.abstract
And I'm not making this up, they've done studies on it - http://pss.sagepub.com/content/early/2010/12/17/0956797610393745.abstract
stn
Member
@Rest
Its never a bad idea to have a "life" when it comes to responding. And by that I mean not being available the moment you receive a reply. Let the message linger a bit. Typically I've messaged 1-3 times a day in the past, all short messages. By day 2 or 3 I would secure a date. Less is more with online dating, trust me.
Do NOT:
-Engage in long convos
-Always reply instantly
-Ask basic questions
EDIT: Be comfortable with saying "Hey, I have something to do. Talk later." I've done that enough times.
Its never a bad idea to have a "life" when it comes to responding. And by that I mean not being available the moment you receive a reply. Let the message linger a bit. Typically I've messaged 1-3 times a day in the past, all short messages. By day 2 or 3 I would secure a date. Less is more with online dating, trust me.
Do NOT:
-Engage in long convos
-Always reply instantly
-Ask basic questions
EDIT: Be comfortable with saying "Hey, I have something to do. Talk later." I've done that enough times.
stn
Member
I have an account but I'm not active, no. I pretty much let it sit and reply to whichever girl I'm really into. If nothing happens, it just sits there. At the moment I'm focused on work so I don't mind the temporary drought. Thanks man, glad to see you find my advice helpful.
EDIT: Feel free to let me know if there was something I ever said that was particularly helpful. Feedback is always appreciated!
Jason's Ultimatum
Member
How can you tell if a girl is down for a hook up on Tinder or at least 6tin? It's like all these girls aren't down for hook ups.