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[Rest]

Some of the things I read in people profiles are so confounding. I just read this:

No Religion (although "Spiritual" is fantastic)

As of 2015 I consider myself to be a "Flxetarian" when it comes to food choices.

I found my self cursing at this person. I'm becoming so judgmental in my old age...

 

[User 479360]

There's gotta be something else to talk about, anything. Sad things like that aren't going to keep most people around. What about lighter topics like hobbies, what you did that day, a funny cat video you saw on YouTube, something less heavy?

I do talk about that. I ask questions about hobbies, what they like to do for fun, how their summer is going, what their favourite movies are, etc.

However, outside of that I've got little else to talk about and when they ask me what I've done on a given day the only thing I can really say is that I went to visit her. Other than that it'd be, "I played video games, watched TV, wrote some news posts and slept."

Chewie, have you ever seen The 40 Year Old Virgin? They give Andy a bunch of advice that sounds stupid for the sake of making jokes, but for fun I tried it all out, and it gets good results. The most important one is "keep it on her, don't talk about you at all." The rationale behind this, I've concluded, is that you are a stranger. They don't give a shit about you, so you talking about yourself just makes them feel like you're not actually paying attention to them.

So, give complements, but not physical ones, and try to make them as subtle as you can. I don't know if it's just mental Judo, and you have to convince them that you think they're great without them noticing, or that they do notice but need to be able to pretend that they don't so that they don't feel conceited. Maybe it's other reasons, I can't say because I'm not a mind reader.

Don't send a single generic message. Always tailor what you write to what they have written. That't the single most important thing: it's always about them. If you can make jokes, do so, but if you can't, don't worry about it. If a girl doesn't have a lot in her profile, and there's nothing you can relate to or find something to talk about, just pass her up. If a girl isn't going to make an effort to make herself approachable by giving you things that you can talk about, don't waste your energy. I think of empty or minimal profiles as the first sign that a girl isn't actually trying. If she's not trying, you don't need to.

All of that takes practice. I think I've been using OKC for almost 2 years now, and I've only gotten to the point that I get messages and profile views regularly within the last few months. Keep track of your successes, and forget your failures. You'll learn intuitively what works for you.

I've tried to be more creative and more outgoing, but it's tough. I'll try harder though, and keep this in mind.

Thanks

 

[hydrophilic attack]

I don't have Facebook. Is there a way to set up a tinder profile without Facebook?

If not, is there a way to make a dummy account that can only be viewed from tinder? I don't want anyone to find me on Facebook.

 

[freshair]

I don't have Facebook. Is there a way to set up a tinder profile without Facebook?

If not, is there a way to make a dummy account that can only be viewed from tinder? I don't want anyone to find me on Facebook.

A FB account is a FB account, dummy or not. But you need one to use Tinder

 

[Jokab]

I don't have Facebook. Is there a way to set up a tinder profile without Facebook?

If not, is there a way to make a dummy account that can only be viewed from tinder? I don't want anyone to find me on Facebook.

Yes just make a dummy account.

 

[User 479360]

I just made a dummy account.

 

[hydrophilic attack]

Yes just make a dummy account.

I don't know how facebook works. So if I make a dummy account for tinder, no one can like find a picture of me randomly on the site and recognize me?

Do you need to make certain settings to ensure this doesn't happen?

I would prefer to use other sites to be honest, but 95 % of people who want to internet date in Sweden seem to be using Tinder, so I guess I'm stuck with that.

 

[GK86]

I don't know how facebook works. So if I make a dummy account for tinder, no one can like find a picture of me randomly on the site and recognize me?

Do you need to make certain settings to ensure this doesn't happen?

I would prefer to use other sites to be honest, but 95 % of people who want to internet date in Sweden seem to be using Tinder, so I guess I'm stuck with that.

Make a dummy account. On your dummy account, make a private album (nobody but you can see this album and it's contents). Upload pictures into this album. Tinder will be able to see the album, so pick the pictures from there. Just leave your profile picture empty on your dummy account and just put your first name. Done.

 

[hydrophilic attack]

Make a dummy account. On your dummy account, make a private album (nobody but you can see this album and it's contents). Upload pictures into this album. Tinder will be able to see the album, so pick the pictures from there. Just leave your profile picture empty on your dummy account and just put your first name. Done.

Thanks man!

 

[stn]

Y'know, sometimes it feels like online dating features the weirdos and lunatics of the dating world. I just had a "straight" guy from a different country ask me if I want to have a threesome with him and his girlfriend.

Like, are people truly this idiotic? What, does he expect me to jump on a plane so I can go meet him and randomly have sex with him and his girlfriend? The sad part is I think that his profile is actually legit and not some spam bot nonsense.

 

[Salamando]

Y'know, sometimes it feels like online dating features the weirdos and lunatics of the dating world. I just had a "straight" guy from a different country ask me if I want to have a threesome with him and his girlfriend.

Like, are people truly this idiotic? What, does he expect me to jump on a plane so I can go meet him and randomly have sex with him and his girlfriend? The sad part is I think that his profile is actually legit and not some spam bot nonsense.

Was this on OKC? I once had a girl message me at 9 at night. Looked at her profile, she lived a good 800 miles away. The next morning I check the OKC app, and she shows up as "near you". Turns out she was visiting family right down the street from me. When I messaged her she was only 60 minutes away from leaving town, so I spent 60 minutes "courting her", and ended with the cheesiest-possible "you must go now" lines I could think of.

Morale of the story is, the guy might have been near you. Never know unless you ask. Assuming you're interested in the three way, of course.

 

[freshair]

Tinder date tonight.

Gotta fight through LA traffic at near rush hour. 😭

 

[Rest]

Sometimes girls that are so hoooooot are so duuuuuuumb. ;_;

 

[Palpable]

Need advice. Just signed back up for OKC for the hell of it. Browsed some profiles & ended up messaging this attractive Asian chick. To my surprise, she replied. She seems really cool. Found out that she works in the mall literally 50 yards away from the hotel I work at on the Las Vegas Strip. She said she frequents the hotel I work at (goes to the restaurants & lounge there on her days off) & said I look somewhat familiar. So far we've only exchanged 6 or 7 messages, but it's all small talk so far (how long have you lived here, where are you from, what do you do, blah blah blah). How do I not fuck this up & how do I continue down the right path? I know I shouldn't be, at all, but I'm a little bit intimidated as she is attractive & 1 year younger than me - having graduated college. I'm sick of fucking shit up with small talk.

 

[gaiages]

Need advice. Just signed back up for OKC for the hell of it. Browsed some profiles & ended up messaging this attractive Asian chick. To my surprise, she replied. She seems really cool. Found out that she works in the mall literally 50 yards away from the hotel I work at on the Las Vegas Strip. She said she frequents the hotel I work at (goes to the restaurants & lounge there on her days off) & said I look somewhat familiar. So far we've only exchanged 6 or 7 messages, but it's all small talk so far (how long have you lived here, where are you from, what do you do, blah blah blah). How do I not fuck this up & how do I continue down the right path? I know I shouldn't be, at all, but I'm a little bit intimidated as she is attractive & 1 year younger than me - having graduated college. I'm sick of fucking shit up with small talk.

Ask her out.

 

[Rest]

Need advice. Just signed back up for OKC for the hell of it. Browsed some profiles & ended up messaging this attractive Asian chick. To my surprise, she replied. She seems really cool. Found out that she works in the mall literally 50 yards away from the hotel I work at on the Las Vegas Strip. She said she frequents the hotel I work at (goes to the restaurants & lounge there on her days off) & said I look somewhat familiar. So far we've only exchanged 6 or 7 messages, but it's all small talk so far (how long have you lived here, where are you from, what do you do, blah blah blah). How do I not fuck this up & how do I continue down the right path? I know I shouldn't be, at all, but I'm a little bit intimidated as she is attractive & 1 year younger than me - having graduated college. I'm sick of fucking shit up with small talk.

Does the lounge have a bartender? Have the bartender or a waiter give her a free drink the next time she comes in. Have them tell her it's from you.

I never really know when to cut the small talk. I don't like it, it's boring, and I'm not good at it, so I just want to drop it and get directly to what I want to know, meaning, "are you interested, do you want to go out?" I think I seem aggressive. But, on the other hand, if I wait longer, it always fizzles before there's a good opening. Small talk is a curse.

 

[Palpable]

Ask her out.

As in ask her out in general or be specific? I've asked girls out in a general manner before, to which they seem interested, but it usually ends there.

Does the lounge have a bartender? Have the bartender or a waiter give her a free drink the next time she comes in. Have them tell her it's from you.

I never really know when to cut the small talk. I don't like it, it's boring, and I'm not good at it, so I just want to drop it and get directly to what I want to know, meaning, "are you interested, do you want to go out?" I think I seem aggressive. But, on the other hand, if I wait longer, it always fizzles before there's a good opening. Small talk is a curse.

The lounge has a waitress. It's a tea lounge. Unfortunately I don't know any of the girls well that work up there & I have no idea when this chick comes in exactly. She said she randomly goes with her girlfriends on her days off.

How should I go about asking her out, assuming she responds to my last message

 

[gaiages]

...Ask her out on a date. That's why most people are on OKC, after all. Suggest time and place, and so on.

 

[Rest]

Sometimes I find my self singing this song when I can't think of something interesting to say...

 

[Palpable]

...Ask her out on a date. That's why most people are on OKC, after all. Suggest time and place, and so on.

...that is more difficult than it sounds. Shall I wait until/if she responds to my last message? I sent it 3 hours ago. I don't believe she has been online since I sent it.

 

[Rest]

I have three good conversations going and I don't want to fuck the uuuuuuuup. Did I suddenly get a lot better at this, or is it just dating season? I'm temped to post some recent messages vs. some current messages to get people's opinions.

 

[Admiral Woofington]

I have three good conversations going and I don't want to fuck the uuuuuuuup. Did I suddenly get a lot better at this, or is it just dating season? I'm temped to post some recent messages vs. some current messages to get people's opinions.

if you were the one who started the conversation then you've probably gotten better

The initial wave of girls I had has pretty much died for me. Now I'm just waiting until OKC and PoF shows me new matches.

 

[Palpable]

Must've botched it. Been like 4 hours since I sent her the last message. She's been online for a bit, but no response. Should I just send her a message asking her out or just forget this one?

 

[Lone_Prodigy]

4 hours is nothing. Be patient.

 

[Rest]

Must've botched it. Been like 4 hours since I sent her the last message. She's been online for a bit, but no response. Should I just send her a message asking her our or just forget this one?

Don't send too many messages in one day, as someone recently told me.
I think of it this way: Work on one topic each day, share or glean one piece of information, because this person needs to absorb and process it at a comfortable rate. Don't worry too much about if she responds today. She may not be able to think of something to say to what was in your last message. Tomorrow ask her out.

 

[Palpable]

4 hours is nothing. Be patient.

Patience isn't my strong suit, but I shall wait.

Don't send too many messages in one day, as someone recently told me.
I think of it this way: Work on one topic each day, share or glean one piece of information, because this person needs to absorb and process it at a comfortable rate. Don't worry too much about if she responds today. She may not be able to think of something to say to what was in your last message. Tomorrow ask her out.

I see where you're coming from. However, if I don't receive a message from her then I'll feel a bit odd jumping in to ask her out.

 

[Lulubop]

How's it going guys?

Having been to active lately, still managed to get some action in. That said, iunno I feel girls don't think I look as good as my profile pics.

 

[Admiral Woofington]

How's it going guys?

Having been to active lately, still managed to get some action in. That said, iunno I feel girls don't think I look as good as my profile pics.

Do you have a full body pic? Are you basically snapping a million pictures and taking the one that captures your best angle?

 

[Rest]

Hmmm... Maybe I've got four conversations going. I thought one girl DOA'd me on her last message, but I think maybe she just doesn't know how to leave a message open ended. It didn't have that flat tone that a brush off usually does.

 

[Lulubop]

I don't have weird angles or anything, almost straight forward selfies but I only put my best ones up of course. Idk. If nothings comes from a date that's my automatic assumption.

 

[Palpable]

Feel free to give me pointers. Quote to reveal.

[email='
www.okcupid.com/profile/_xof]
'
[/email]

 

[Rest]

Feel free to give me pointers. Quote to reveal.

[email='
]
'
[/email]

Switch the gun picture with the other black and white one, it's going to turn a lot of women away. As a mod I see lots of pictures flagged as "violent" or "offensive" just because the guy has a gun. It's good to have it in there, but you don't want it as one of your first three.

Your fourth paragraph (the one about socializing) reads as down, refrase it so that it reads more like your telling her about positives. Neutral, if you're trying to be neutral there, is no good. If you're trying be honest, don't. Think about selling yourself, just don't lie or embellish.

And the fifth one... I mean, I don't know how you can turn that into something with a positive bent. I'd just delete it.

For your "I'm really good at" section, expand that. I find that that's a good place for jokes. For instance, I also have driving. Since I have CDL I mention that the state thinks I'm a "pro" at driving.

I'd also delete the second paragraph of your "you should message me if" section. I think it's funny, but you shouldn't have anything negative in your profile.

And there end my opinions.

Also, did you just join? You need to answer more questions. I'd say you need at least 150 to start getting decent matches. 300 is better.

 

[Palpable]

Switch the gun picture with the other black and white one, it's going to turn a lot of women away. As a mod I see lots of pictures flagged as "violent" or "offensive" just because the guy has a gun. It's good to have it in there, but you don't want it as one of your first three.

Your fourth paragraph (the one about socializing) reads as down, refrase it so that it reads more like your telling her about positives. Neutral, if you're trying to be neutral there, is no good. If you're trying be honest, don't. Think about selling yourself, just don't lie or embellish.

And the fifth one... I mean, I don't know how you can turn that into something with a positive bent. I'd just delete it.

For your "I'm really good at" section, expand that. I find that that's a good place for jokes. For instance, I also have driving. Since I have CDL I mention that the state thinks I'm a "pro" at driving.

I'd also delete the second paragraph of your "you should message me if" section. I think it's funny, but you shouldn't have anything negative in your profile.

And there end my opinions.

Also, did you just join? You need to answer more questions. I'd say you need at least 150 to start getting decent matches. 300 is better.

I legitimately believe the 5th to be true, actually. I changed the pics around.

Yeah I literally made it last night & put very little thought into it.

Edit: Edited some of the paragraphs you mentioned.

@Infinity Patriot

Eh I'm not a fan of your profile picture because it's so small and blurry, but it's better than the other ones.

A few of your sentences start with "I," almost too many, but it's okay.

You have grammar mistakes.

Don't be so negative in your message me if. It's an attempt at humor but it's pretty bad imo.

Where are my grammar mistakes? I made it last night, pretty quickly actually. How shall I improve it considering it's "small & blurry"? I don't mean to come off as negative, but I find being super upbeat would make it feel fake. Anyway, I deleted the last paragraph.

Edit: Oh you mean the picture. Changed it.

 

[Rest]

Agh. I'm having a hard time motivating my self to send a girl a message, I think because she's not very good looking. It's kind of frustrating, because she liked my profile first, she's very smart, has good career potential, and I actually think I'd like her if I met her. Plus, I know I'm much less judgmental of looks in person, so I'd probably like the way she looked if she were in front of me.

I didn't realize that the lust part of my sex drive was so influential in this.

 

[Rest]

I legitimately believe the 5th to be true, actually. I changed the pics around.

Yeah I literally made it last night & put very little thought into it.

Edit: Edited some of the paragraphs you mentioned.

It's looking better. Remember that you should never be satisfied with it, always keep tweaking it and changing things. OKC will actually show your profile to more women if you're constantly making changes, and those extra looks can be from people that it would not otherwise show you.

Honestly, I get kind of irritated with OKC sometimes. Today I saw a picture that looked fake, so I Googled it (it was fake,) but it pulled up some pages for people I was well matched with near me. I'd never seen any of them before.

When you search for people, you have to use quick match, the standard search, and change up how you're sorting the search. Try out special blend, match percentage, distance, who's new, and last online, because they'll show you different people some times. And always check the "similar users" and "you might like" sections, because there will be good matches in those too that it will never otherwise show you.

 

[Sami+]

Personally on tinder I find that most people are pretty straight to the point with bios so that's what I did. Curious what y'all think about that + pic selection doe.

Agh. I'm having a hard time motivating my self to send a girl a message, I think because she's not very good looking. It's kind of frustrating, because she liked my profile first, she's very smart, has good career potential, and I actually think I'd like her if I met her. Plus, I know I'm much less judgmental of looks in person, so I'd probably like the way she looked if she were in front of me.

I didn't realize that the lust part of my sex drive was so influential in this.

Honestly I'm picky to a fault so I get this a lot.

 

[jmizzal]

I learned about POF from this thread so thanks guys

So found this one girl who was like the only person to message back on POF lol, we talked for a while she gave me her number and it was all good.

We went on a few dates, and everything went good, then she turns around and says she wants to move on, because of certain things I dont do. Not because she doesnt like me, or im not a good guy or we didnt have fun. She says she thinks about the future and what ever and we wont work.

Lol this is why I dont like dating girls my age, rather girls about 5 years younger, my issue with her is that she wanted to talk on the phone every night, so I pretty much put all girls on the back burner for her. There were things about her that I didnt care for, but I was willing to deal with but it was ok since I really want a GF now.

So now that that is over, it seems like girls have been coming in all over the places lol, couple of cool tinder girls, 3 more cool POF girls, and a OKC girl who I was talking to before I met the original girl.

But me and the girl from OKC are going to the NFL game Sunday, she has never been to a game, so i'm looking to show her a really good time. She is a very pretty girl and i'm surprised she is the first girl to want to go to the game with me, I always brag about being a season ticket holder lol, I hope all goes well since I will be in my element.

 

[Rest]

New messages from the swingers. Finally got something I could check out for the guy. Both seem to be real people, though I can't find anything at all on the boyfriend's wife. I didn't expect anything else from them, I'm guessing I was wrong when I thought that the chick didn't see me at the apartment.

It's weird, I gave them the number for a throw away phone, and today is the last day it has service. I don't need it any more, so I was just going to let it go dead. Then I get a text from this guy on the last day.

Edit: Holy shit I think this guy's a doctor.

 

[Palpable]

nvm

 

[Rest]

Would someone be so kind as to give me an idea on what to write based on this copy/paste of this girl's profile? Quote to reveal.

Ha ha, that's the kind I click away from. Can't help you with this one, sorry.

Spoiler

Also, once you get satisfactory advice, delete that email tag.

 

[Palpable]

Ha ha, that's the kind I click away from. Can't help you with this one, sorry.

Spoiler

Also, once you get satisfactory advice, delete that email tag.

Why do you steer clear from it? Also, you mean delete the email tag so everyone can see it, or delete the email tag and everything in it?

 

[Rest]

Why do you steer clear from it? Also, you mean delete the email tag so everyone can see it, or delete the email tag and everything in it?

Delete the tag and everything in it. It probably won't happen, but you don't want someone Googling some of that text and finding that girl's profile. It's just a precaution.

As to why, first of all she throws up a bunch of don'ts right at the beginning. Dating sites are filled with people trying to put their best face forward an attract others, so someone that starts off their profile in a negative way is sending up a red flag to me. She's not trying to attract, she's pushing away right from the start.

Secondly there's no content. I couldn't tell you jack shit about that lady except that she goes to church and likes to work out. Either she gave you nothing to work with, or her life is shallow and empty.

Thirdly, I avoid religious people in general. That's more of personal preference, though.

 

[Advocatus Diaboli]

Why do you steer clear from it? Also, you mean delete the email tag so everyone can see it, or delete the email tag and everything in it?

Good lord. That's the worst kind of profile. There are words, but there's no actual content. Also, she's the sort of person I'd (personally) avoid. Combative religious teetotalers? Yeesh. I dunno, man: if you want to message her, you need to have a tone that's like, "It's nice to find someone genuine on this site." That's my best advice.

 

[Palpable]

Delete the tag and everything in it. It probably won't happen, but you don't want someone Googling some of that text and finding that girl's profile. It's just a precaution.

As to why, first of all she throws up a bunch of don'ts right at the beginning. Dating sites are filled with people trying to put their best face forward an attract others, so someone that starts off their profile in a negative way is sending up a red flag to me.

Secondly there's no content. I couldn't tell you jack shit about that lady except that she goes to church and likes to work out. Either she gave you nothing to work with, or her life is shallow and empty.

Thirdly, I avoid religious people in general. That's more of personal preference, though.

Good lord. That's the worst kind of profile. There are words, but there's no actual content. Also, she's the sort of person I'd (personally) avoid. Combative religious teetotalers? Yeesh. I dunno, man: if you want to message her, you need to have a tone that's like, "It's nice to find someone genuine on this site." That's my best advice.

True that. Honestly I just find her very pretty. 90% of the profiles on here have 0 content and/or the chick can't spell for shit.

 

[Salamando]

Delete the tag and everything in it. It probably won't happen, but you don't want someone Googling some of that text and finding that girl's profile. It's just a precaution.

As to why, first of all she throws up a bunch of don'ts right at the beginning. Dating sites are filled with people trying to put their best face forward an attract others, so someone that starts off their profile in a negative way is sending up a red flag to me.

Secondly there's no content. I couldn't tell you jack shit about that lady except that she goes to church and likes to work out. Either she gave you nothing to work with, or her life is shallow and empty.

Thirdly, I avoid religious people in general. That's more of personal preference, though.

It's not like it was hard to find...

Seconding everything you said though.

 

[Rest]

True that. Honestly I just find her very pretty. 90% of the profiles on here have 0 content and/or the chick can't spell for shit.

Is that OKC of POF?

 

[Palpable]

It's not like it was hard to find...

Seconding everything you said though.

Is that OKC of POF?

pof. I deleted the tag. Will more than likely delete my okc/pof/tinder profiles as well. Either I'm ugly, uninteresting, doing something severely wrong, or the women around my age are all shit. Maybe a combination of a few or all of those. It's so easy to get discouraged by these types of things.

 

[Rest]

It's not like it was hard to find...

Seconding everything you said though.

We don't post people pictures or usernames out of respect for their privacy

Spoiler

(yeah yeah I know, public site blah blah blah, shut up)

So, in that vein you don't want to post text that a web crawler may have found and that might be searchable.

 

[Advocatus Diaboli]

pof. I deleted the tag. Will more than likely delete my okc/pof/tinder profiles as well. Either I'm ugly, doing something severely wrong, or the women around my age are all shit. Maybe a combination of a few or all of those. It's so easy to get discouraged by these types of things.

You're also messaging girls whose only feature you seem to find attractive is physical appearance, with no weight attached whatsoever to their personalities.

You're not into them; they can detect that.

 

[Palpable]

You're also messaging girls whose only feature you seem to find attractive is physical appearance, with no weight attached whatsoever to their personalities.

You're not into them; they can detect that.

That was only one instance. I've messaged a lot of girls who have shared interests and whom I genuinely think I'd connect well with. Thing is I never get replies from them.