Advocatus Diaboli
Member
Double post.
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Online Dating |OT| Please Respond
- Thread starter Jhoan
- Start date
War Peaceman
You're a big guy.
I had a quick glance at your profile, Advocatus, I hope you don't mind. I really like what you did with the 'you should message me' section. That's a very clever psychological trick. I don't mean this in a cynical way.
ReturnOfTheRAT
Member
Good profile.
They all have that one picture that is just a little too pixelated.
Thanks man. Mind if I copy a thing or two to use on my profile?
Advocatus Diaboli
Member
Only if you name your firstborn after me if your profile results in children.
But yeah, sure -- what do you plan on copying, though? I'm just curious to see what people identify as "good" and "could be improved."
I will, don't worry.
As War Peaceman said, your "You Should Message Me If" section is quite nice. Maybe I will adapt to my reality.
Also, do you think my photo is good? I believe my profile should appear on the list of people that recently visited yours.
Advocatus Diaboli
Member
I like your first photo. I think you need more variety - your second one is basically the same as your first. Also, add a few others.
Sadly, I don't know Portuguese, so I can't comment on the content! I'd also change your "body type" to "average." It's not dishonest, but it's possible that you're not appearing in search filters because of it.
Rest
All these years later I still chuckle at what a fucking moron that guy is.
One of the girls that I'm chatting with is a Ringling Brothers clown. That is weirdly hot. It's a bit saddening though, I had a chance to go see the circus today but couldn't go. I might have been able to meet her.
Your pics never work for me
Rest
All these years later I still chuckle at what a fucking moron that guy is.
I think the clown lady just told me that she doesn't live where I do, and that she puts her location in as the actual place where she's touring. Kind of a bummer if that's actually what she means.
But that seems wrong, because I asked her about some local stuff, and she knew exactly what it was. Maybe I'm being blown off?
But that seems wrong, because I asked her about some local stuff, and she knew exactly what it was. Maybe I'm being blown off?
Advocatus Diaboli
Member
What do you mean? They don't show up, or they're bad?
User 479360
Banned
Women on Tinder are insanely attractive. I wish I was in that league.
Advocatus Diaboli
Member
Can everyone else see my pictures? Just want to make sure.
Rest
All these years later I still chuckle at what a fucking moron that guy is.
I could see them.
User 479360
Banned
Talking to the girl I referenced above on Facebook. Asked her what it was about me that made me the only person she liked talking to on OkC.
"I thought we had great conversations."
"You were nice and not creepy."
So far so good
EDIT:
Think you'd like to hang out sometime soon, or go on a date?
A meet and greet would be fun. Let's not label things. I'm trying to be super upfront and honest. I don't want to lead you on or anything.
"I thought we had great conversations."
"You were nice and not creepy."
So far so good
EDIT:
Think you'd like to hang out sometime soon, or go on a date?
A meet and greet would be fun. Let's not label things. I'm trying to be super upfront and honest. I don't want to lead you on or anything.
Thanks for the tips. I will try to add a few later.
Body type changed too, I think I got too honest on this lol
Advocatus Diaboli
Member
Talking to the girl I referenced above on Facebook. Asked her what it was about me that made me the only person she liked talking to on OkC.
"I thought we had great conversations."
"You were nice and not creepy."
So far so good
EDIT:
Think you'd like to hang out sometime soon, or go on a date?
A meet and greet would be fun. Let's not label things. I'm trying to be super upfront and honest. I don't want to lead you on or anything.
Sounds like she's not interested. Then again, you could always meet her and there might be crazy chemistry between you two. Besides, you can't really know if you're interested before meeting someone regardless.
Meet her. See what happens. Have no expectations. Assume that if you like her and it's not reciprocated that you won't ever see her again.
User 479360
Banned
But if she's not interested, she'd have no real reason for continuing to talk to me on the dating site and asking me to continue on Facebook.
Rest
All these years later I still chuckle at what a fucking moron that guy is.
Oh hai guise, check out my spam:
I've come to the conclusion I'm just worried about sending messages to these women because I haven't come up with a successful way to transition into asking for numbers or setting up dates. I say this because I'm significantly less weirded out about the message from the swingers today, but I'm still having a hard time sending messages. Diabolus posted a transition, can anybody else post some? I don't want these threads to go cold, but I also don't want to screw them up.
Seriously, make me banners.
I've come to the conclusion I'm just worried about sending messages to these women because I haven't come up with a successful way to transition into asking for numbers or setting up dates. I say this because I'm significantly less weirded out about the message from the swingers today, but I'm still having a hard time sending messages. Diabolus posted a transition, can anybody else post some? I don't want these threads to go cold, but I also don't want to screw them up.
Rest
All these years later I still chuckle at what a fucking moron that guy is.
Hey hey, spam is still up there ^
Check it out!
You said it's been a several weeks? See if you can get her to meet you. This shouldn't be dragging on for more than a few weeks, a month is probably too long.
Check it out!
You'd think that, but you never can tell what someone is getting off on or how or why. It doesn't look to me like she's not interested from what you've posted, but it doesn't look like she's super into you either. She may need attention, or someone to vent to, or something else, and you're available for that.
You said it's been a several weeks? See if you can get her to meet you. This shouldn't be dragging on for more than a few weeks, a month is probably too long.
Admiral Woofington
Member
Cute girl favorites me in OKC. She likes games. She likes sci fi. She likes bad puns.
She lives in another state.
She lives in another state.
User 479360
Banned
True
I'm honestly not sure of what to think, but I can't help but be excited and am likely setting myself up for disappointment. I've been really lonely for years, and it's affecting my depression. I dream of finding a relationship and having someone to spend time with, cuddle with and talk to. It'd get me out more.
She seems guarded, and seems to like to take things slowly. I guess she's had bad experiences in the past.
This is the rest of the conversation:
Me: ok.I'm not trying to, or planning to pressure you or anything.
Her: I didn't think anything like that
Me: Just hopeful things may work out is all. But meeting/hanging out first and taking things slowly is fine.
Her: Okay, good.
Her:
EDIT: This is the OKC message from a while ago that I've referenced in the past:
I feel very mysterious now, I've never seen myself as someone that was hard to read.
I'm on OKC to find a potential romantic partner. I'm 24 and I've only been on a few dates. I feel as if I'm missing out on this major part of life. I'm a healthy, sexual, human being and I have wants and needs. Not just in the physical sense. I'm lonely, not for friends but for someone more.
I've found that when talking to people, if we moving too fast in the romantic and sexual (just talking about it), it just never works out. So I want to start as friends, getting to know each other, hanging out, seeing if we are even compatible. Then moving forward. This is for all my relationships. I find that I don't have romantic feelings until I know the person for a while. I'm just a super slow mover in this type of thing.
Advocatus Diaboli
Member
Coffee/drinks scheduled for tomorrow at 7 at a cool cafe and bookstore. Based on her area code, we probably grew up near each other; that's gonna be interesting. And the girl I've had a back-and-forth with about feminism in popular media, she wants to meet up either Thursday or Friday. Friday works better for me, so I'll take that. Excited about both of these.
The one who asked me out for coffee tomorrow rescheduled for Wednesday, and while I'm not super-excited about it, I'm teleworking Thursday, so I figured - why not?
Not messaging anyone else. Someone I'd had a short exchange with a few weeks back just replied. Welp - I'll reply 2 weeks from now, maybe. Refusing to get overwhelmed. Quality, not quantity, guys...
The one who asked me out for coffee tomorrow rescheduled for Wednesday, and while I'm not super-excited about it, I'm teleworking Thursday, so I figured - why not?
Not messaging anyone else. Someone I'd had a short exchange with a few weeks back just replied. Welp - I'll reply 2 weeks from now, maybe. Refusing to get overwhelmed. Quality, not quantity, guys...
As I said before, she could be just using you as an emotional blanket. But she could also be looking for a friend (and not be interested in a romantic relationship). I agree with Diaboli, you two should meet, but don't have any dating related expectations.
vicissitudes
Banned
Talking to the girl I referenced above on Facebook. Asked her what it was about me that made me the only person she liked talking to on OkC.
"I thought we had great conversations."
"You were nice and not creepy."
So far so good
EDIT:
Think you'd like to hang out sometime soon, or go on a date?
A meet and greet would be fun. Let's not label things. I'm trying to be super upfront and honest. I don't want to lead you on or anything.
There is something PUAs called "the hook point." (I know, boo PUAs. I'm generally not into that culture but they have some insights once in a while)
Here's the idea: when you first message a girl online, you're not going to ask her to meet up with you or come over to your place right away right? That's ridiculous. You haven't even talked yet. But as you message back and forth, at some point she would be open to meeting up with you. This I refer to as "the hook point." Before the hook point, if you suggest meeting up: she's not ready, she doesn't know you well enough, whatever the reason is. She buffs your request and you likely never talk to her again. After the hook point? Asking her to meet with you is generally greeted with enthusiasm and confirmation.
What's the point? It's very important not to make the request until you reach the hook point. The more outlandish the request, the stronger your interactions have to be, and the more she has to be invested in you. Getting her to respond to a message? Low hook point. Meeting up? Higher hook point. Coming over to your place? Very high hook point.
So for your situation, I wouldn't say she's not interested. I would say, at that point in your interaction, she was not interested enough to reach the hook point for "going on a date" but she was for just "hanging out." Using the word "date" has all kinds of connotations and expectations associated with it, so it's a rather large request to make. It was too early for you to make that request and now that has hurt your interactions with her.
Tinder question again.
A girl who for very legitimate reasons can't schedule our first date in a week or two - how do you approach this? If I've learned anything these past months, it's that keeping a constant conversation is a no-no. Text once a day about musings or things that happened during the day, or more sporadically? Once a day is what we're doing now, usually later in the night when she texts me and tells me about her day, then we chat back and forth a good while. Obviously this depends on how it's flowing, but is there a general rule of thumb?
A girl who for very legitimate reasons can't schedule our first date in a week or two - how do you approach this? If I've learned anything these past months, it's that keeping a constant conversation is a no-no. Text once a day about musings or things that happened during the day, or more sporadically? Once a day is what we're doing now, usually later in the night when she texts me and tells me about her day, then we chat back and forth a good while. Obviously this depends on how it's flowing, but is there a general rule of thumb?
I'd say once a day is fine. You remind each other that y'all exist, but don't over do it and run out of things to talk about.
I don't really think it's a general rule of thumb for something like this, since most time people assume that if they don't wanna meet up right away, they aren't interested.
User 479360
Banned
Maybe you're right, but we've been talking for about two months now.
User 479360
Banned
No. Just, no. 5 months and she still won't date or even hang out? Move on. The worst thing you can do in online dating is actually date someone online.
For real. It's cool to have internet friends and all, but that's not what you're looking for on OKC, are you Chewie?
User 479360
Banned
She does want to hang out, but wants to take things slowly. I know it's a weird situation and likely destined for failure, but I have a weird good feeling about it.
I've never been in a relationship, never had a girlfriend to spend time with, etc. and I'm almost thirty. It's awful.
I don't know.....I guess I see what you're saying, but I've had good luck just being blunt. A few back and forth messages and a simple "I'm pretty direct, you seem cool and I think we'd get along. Let's get coffee on x or y date. If you need some enticement, I'll share an embarrassing story from my teenage years."
I think a lot of women get sick of too much talking back and forth. It's best to just get to the point and get a date setup. Plus, the conversation is a lot more exciting when you really don't know much about each other yet...at least that is my perspective.
On a side note, I find the most important thing is simply not giving a shit. I've gone into dates with super high expectations based on conversations we've had and I've always been disappointed. It's best to just go in with super low expectations and allow yourself to be pleasantly surprised.
I've yet to have a date where someone is how I thought they would be. No matter how much chatting you do online, people are way way different in person (in both good and bad ways). Just drop the PUA stuff and act confident, even if you're terrified on the inside.
Then again, I don't really know what the hell I'm talking about half the time.
stn
Member
Dude, no. Trust me. Not meeting after 5 months is not the definition of taking it slow. Taking it slow is casually dating for longer than usual before becoming an official item. Everything you two talked about over the last 5 months was stuff that you should have covered on a first date.
davepoobond
you can't put a price on sparks
i would be very surprised if she even ever actually meets. some girls are only out for attention and someone to text/message when they are bored. i've encountered one that is like that already and i cut it off completely after the second round. i don't have the patience to text forever, i'm not really a phone communication person. she was dating other people while we were texting and wouldn't commit to meet me even once (and blamed me for it).
kopitarrulez_11
Member
You tell her to go fuck herself hahahahha
davepoobond
you can't put a price on sparks
just gave her the silent treatment and she was all "why arent you replying" "you said you would text me" and after a couple hours of no response "I DESERVE AN EXPLANATION"
"NEVER TEXT ME AGAIN"
etc etc. it was kind of hard to not reply and tell her off, but it was a little enjoyable seeing her go crazy
she's weird she sends me a "Hey" text every few months. Last one was a year ago, but there was a year gap between the two rounds of texting
Rest
All these years later I still chuckle at what a fucking moron that guy is.
Holy crap, yeah, she's stringing you along. Whatever she's getting from you she's never going to give back.
This is the kind of thing that makes bitter guys call women succubi. She's taking from you and not returning anything. You give her what she wants and she doesn't even consider your needs. She knows you want to date, knows you want a relationship, and she's using that knowledge to keep you talking to her on her terms.
Bail out Chewie, you deserve someone that respects you more than that.
Rest
All these years later I still chuckle at what a fucking moron that guy is.
So, as mod on OKC I've seen lots of issues with people moderating badly. Flagged images go up for a vote among a pool of mods, and somehow bad definitions for what constitutes a violation had taken shape when I became a mod. Just by consistently posting what an actual violation would look like, I've seen people start to think more about what the rules are and vote based on what they're intended to keep off of the site.
One rule that always irritates me is the "no extreme closeups" rule. OKC says that you have to be in the picture, but it doesn't say what parts of you have to be. But, if someone crops their face out of a photo, people will flag it as an extreme close up, and mods used to consistently vote them out. For a couple of months I've been posting as a note what an actual ECU is every time I see a picture wrongly flagged. Today I'm finally seeing people dismiss flags for images that aren't actually breaking the rule.
One thing that does always leaves me a little puzzled though: who are the guys flagging female nakedness? You can't show nude genitals or female nipples in photos, but there's no rule against showing a butt, cameltoe, or a root outline. I can see why women would flag guys for stuff like an erection bulge, but what guy really gets offended when he sees a girl's butt crack? Like, who does that bother? Sometimes people will even report images that show cleavage.
There have been a few images that were quite risqué, though, but didn't break any rules. Last night I saw one of two girls squatting down and peeing an a parking lot. You couldn't see any nudity though, so it didn't break any rules. I'm not sure if it got voted out or not. When an image is reported, you can also see all of the user's other photos, and that girl had tons of weird stuff posted.
One rule that always irritates me is the "no extreme closeups" rule. OKC says that you have to be in the picture, but it doesn't say what parts of you have to be. But, if someone crops their face out of a photo, people will flag it as an extreme close up, and mods used to consistently vote them out. For a couple of months I've been posting as a note what an actual ECU is every time I see a picture wrongly flagged. Today I'm finally seeing people dismiss flags for images that aren't actually breaking the rule.
One thing that does always leaves me a little puzzled though: who are the guys flagging female nakedness? You can't show nude genitals or female nipples in photos, but there's no rule against showing a butt, cameltoe, or a root outline. I can see why women would flag guys for stuff like an erection bulge, but what guy really gets offended when he sees a girl's butt crack? Like, who does that bother? Sometimes people will even report images that show cleavage.
There have been a few images that were quite risqué, though, but didn't break any rules. Last night I saw one of two girls squatting down and peeing an a parking lot. You couldn't see any nudity though, so it didn't break any rules. I'm not sure if it got voted out or not. When an image is reported, you can also see all of the user's other photos, and that girl had tons of weird stuff posted.
Advocatus Diaboli
Member
Designated coffee date texted me an hour ago saying that she apologized, her friend who'd scheduled a birthday dinner on Wednesday swapped it to tonight instead. I said that I understood, that you had to be there for friends, and countered with Monday or sometime next weekend.
Gotta love the rescheduling game.
It appears that I get to stay in and watch football today ... and I'm not even slightly unhappy about it.
Gotta love the rescheduling game.
It appears that I get to stay in and watch football today ... and I'm not even slightly unhappy about it.
Hey, some field study! Glad you approve...so, you want to get some coffee this week and hear an awkward story from my teenage years? : P
Advocatus Diaboli
Member
Stayed in. Watched the Eagles get destroyed. Girl who rescheduled on me has my RL quarterback as her fantasy QB. Commiserated about that briefly, along with finding out that we grew up near each other. Now we're planning to meet up sometime early next week. She was apologetic - but she's going out of town this weekend with her family. Low expectations here.
Confirmed date on Friday. Girl I said "yes" to for Wednesday hasn't replied (that's fine, I'm ambivalent). And I'm setting up something for tomorrow night, because this girl has a cute dog and she might bring that dog along.
Still not talking to anyone else.
I got a weird message timestamped early this morning. She asked me out for bottomless mimosas. Didn't see it because it was filtered due to age range and low match %. But hey, I appreciate the gumption.
Confirmed date on Friday. Girl I said "yes" to for Wednesday hasn't replied (that's fine, I'm ambivalent). And I'm setting up something for tomorrow night, because this girl has a cute dog and she might bring that dog along.
Still not talking to anyone else.
I got a weird message timestamped early this morning. She asked me out for bottomless mimosas. Didn't see it because it was filtered due to age range and low match %. But hey, I appreciate the gumption.