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[Rest]

pof. I deleted the tag. Will more than likely delete my okc/pof/tinder profiles as well. Either I'm ugly, doing something severely wrong, or the women around my age are all shit. Maybe a combination of a few or all of those. It's so easy to get discouraged by these types of things.

I wouldn't delete them, just take a break for a while.
Like I said, I had no luck at all for a long time. Now I've got one kinda-sorta almost date maybe-kinda set up. See, there's progress to be had!

I don't really like the way POF is set up, I doesn't feel like there's much incentive to fill things out. I've never even sent a message on it, honestly.

 

[Salamando]

We don't post people pictures or usernames out of respect for their privacy

Spoiler

(yeah yeah I know, public site blah blah blah, shut up)

So, in that vein you don't want to post text that a web crawler may have found and that might be searchable.

POF is especially bad for this. Seems every single one of their profiles is indexed on Google. Haven't seen one yet that requires you to log on to view.


IP, what are your first messages like? Your goal should be (a) something that mentions a specific in their profile, (b) a message that has 2-4 lines of text, total, and (c) ask a question that's easy to respond to.

And maybe get some better pics. You're a good-looking guy, and I don't think your pics are doing you justice.

 

[Advocatus Diaboli]

I wouldn't delete them, just take a break for a while.
Like I said, I had no luck at all for a long time. Now I've got one kinda-sorta almost date maybe-kinda set up. See, there's progress to be had!

I don't really like the way POF is set up, I doesn't feel like there's much incentive to fill things out. I've never even sent a message on it, honestly.

It goes in waves. Right now I have like ... 5 messages to respond to tonight (after a long dry spell), and I had a low-key ramen date last night. If I do message first, it has to be someone I'm ridiculously interested in talking to. Basically, I think this was gaiages' advice, but I'm taking much greater care in not overwhelming myself: one of the girls asked if I wanted to grab coffee on Sunday, and I'm generally more amenable to that than going out for drinks these days.

I agree with taking a break, too. I'm also treating it like email: I'll get back to someone in 24-48 hours, but I don't need to rush. And if life gets in the way, I just apologize for the late reply. No idea if I'm doing it "properly" now, but it's a far saner, healthier experience for me.

 

[Rest]

Here are some first messages that got me responses. Quote to see.

 

[davepoobond]

i dont think you actually put the messages in there

 

[Rest]

i dont think you actually put the messages in there

Did you quote, davie-poo?

 

[Salamando]

Did you quote, davie-poo?

I see what look like intros to messages ("this one shows blah"), but no messages themselves. Are you nesting quote tags inside your email tags?

 

[davepoobond]

Did you quote, davie-poo?

yes,

i feel like im just reading your reactions to messages i can't see.

 

[Rest]

I see what look like intros to messages ("this one shows blah"), but no messages themselves. Are you nesting quote tags inside your email tags?

Ah, yes. Let me break to quote tags.
Edit: Better?

 

[Palpable]

IP, what are your first messages like? Your goal should be (a) something that mentions a specific in their profile, (b) a message that has 2-4 lines of text, total, and (c) ask a question that's easy to respond to.

And maybe get some better pics. You're a good-looking guy, and I don't think your pics are doing you justice.

I appreciate that, but I don't have many others. I think those are pretty much the best ones I've got. There are a ton on FB, but I don't like many of them. If you're fine with it, feel free to add me on there and take a look. I'm sure a third party looking through my pictures could pick something out better than myself (a lot of the pictures taken of me in the last couple of years have all been with my ex, that's a part of why I don't have many).

My first messages are very similar to what Rest posted. I ask them how they are, say hi, mention something from their profile, and ask them something very simple to get the ball rolling. I mostly don't get responses.

 

[davepoobond]

Ah, yes. Let me break to quote tags.
Edit: Better?

okay now they show up.


i think you just discovered a secret way to keep things secret from people who are quoting your message, but there's no way to see it at all now, so there's no point in even putting it in there haha


i think your messages are about on par with what i send... can't say much for my response rate at the moment, though. oh well. i haven't really been putting a whole lot of effort into this recently since i have so many things going on.

 

[Rest]

okay now they show up.


i think you just discovered a secret way to keep things secret from people who are quoting your message, but there's no way to see it at all now, so there's no point in even putting it in there haha


i think your messages are about on par with what i send... can't say much for my response rate at the moment, though. oh well. i haven't really been putting a whole lot of effort into this recently since i have so many things going on.

Secret messages only for the mods... I wonder how often they use them?

 

[Advocatus Diaboli]

How do you do the invisi-quote thing? I'll redact and post mine. I think my style's a little different, so it might help readers.

 

[davepoobond]

How do you do the invisi-quote thing? I'll redact and post mine. I think my style's a little different, so it might help readers.

you put it in email tags, and nested in that email tag instead of having a full quote tag, remove a letter from

(like [QUOT]), and you'll get the "formatting" of a quote while keeping it invisible unless you are quoting to read.


but apparently if you have a full quote tag inside an email tag it becomes invisible to quote, and i assume the only way to look at it is by editing the post, where the poster and a mod can read it only at that point.

Secret messages only for the mods... I wonder how often they use them?

i dont know if anyone actually knew that trick, its the first time ive ever seen that happen

 

[Rest]

How do you do the invisi-quote thing? I'll redact and post mine. I think my style's a little different, so it might help readers.

[EMAIL="put hidden text here"]Leave this blank[/*EMAIL]

No asterisk in the closing email tag, of course.

 

[Palpable]

There's this chick I matched up with on tinder about a month ago. We began talking after the match. Most of it was small talk. I think she messaged me first - asked me what type of video games I play. She is somewhat of a gamer (she plays borderlands and a few other games). We held small talk for a few hours and I eventually asked her if she'd like to hang out sometime. She said that'd be cool. It kind of ended there. I stopped talking to her. Looking back, I think the reason I did so was because she would respond with short ass messages that were very difficult to bounce off of. I felt like I was the one to keep the conversation rolling.

Anyway, she's 2 years older than me and she's almost finished with school to become an optometrist. I logged back on tinder and decided to send her a message. I apologized for not talking to her in weeks (I blamed it on MGSV coming out) and she seems cool about it. She asked me how MGSV is and how I've been. Again, fairly short replies from her that aren't too easy to bounce off of. I asked her if she'd like to go out & do something fun (go-karting, bowling, dinner, etc). She said "Yeah that would be cool ". She is, however, busy this weekend because of some continuing education. I asked her what days/times work best for her so I'm just waiting on a reply. Unsure of whether her pictures do her justice. I feel they don't. Regardless, she isn't bad looking. It's amazing how much physical attraction plays into all this.

 

[davepoobond]

[EMAIL="put hidden text here"]Leave this blank[/*EMAIL]

No asterisk in the closing email tag, of course.

but then also put [QUOT][/QUOTE] (removing 1 letter) tags in the "leave this blank" area to format it like you're quoting a message. if it is a complete quote tag it will be double invisible

 

[Rest]

I actually haven't sent any messages at all today. I don't know if I'm nervous to pull the trigger on conversations that are going well, or the text message from the swingers threw me off.

 

[Palpable]

I hope for your sake they never find these posts of yours.

TBH if I knew a potential partner was talking like this... I would run. Far, far away.

[I found my bf's NeoGAF profile way before we started dating, too, btw.]


*edit: There's nothing wrong with physical attractiveness being crucial/important, but it's not just that. The tone and attitude you're taking... either I'm just getting the wrong vibe(misinterpreting), or it's just how you are and we'd just be incompatible (again, full disclaimer, this is just my personal opinion, not saying this is an absolute).

Are you talking pre or post breakup? Because I was a very different person prior to that traumatic shit.

Let me be more positive since everyone and their grandma's are saying what a negative nancy I am.

Okay so there's this girl in my history class at school that I find attractive. I know little to nothing about her other than her name. For the hell of it I think I'm gonna ask her out for lunch or something. I'm super confidence in my ability to get her to go out with me (as friends, of course). All I need is a positive attitude and a smile on my face, she's sure to say yes! I know exactly how I'm going to get her number, too. I'll ease into it, of course. Next week I'm going to purposefully miss a class. Therefore, the 2 days prior to that class I plan on missing, I will approach her after class and ask her if we can exchange numbers - as I know she types the notes on her laptop as opposed to writing them on paper. For this reason I will ask her if she can kindly send me the notes for the day I miss. Even exchanging emails would work. That will be my initial break in. I think jumping in with "HI I DONT KNOW YOU AND YOU DONT KNOW ME BUT LETS GO GET FOOD LOL" isn't the best course of action. Start with a request for help to get her contact info and then ease into conversation from there. It's fool proof and I know I can pull it off. Confidence!

There, is that better? Is that the attitude I should take? Do you want to run far away from me now? =l

 

[AcridMeat]

Asking someone out doesn't/shouldn't have to involve a complex scheme man.

 

[Llyranor]

Asking someone out doesn't/shouldn't have to involve a complex scheme man.

..... Yeah. The problem with making it a complex multi-step heist is that you'll go into panic mode if even one of the steps is slightly off.

 

[Sami+]

Are you talking pre or post breakup? Because I was a very different person prior to that traumatic shit.

Let me be more positive since everyone and their grandma's are saying what a negative nancy I am.

Okay so there's this girl in my history class at school that I find attractive. I know little to nothing about her other than her name. For the hell of it I think I'm gonna ask her out for lunch or something. I'm super confidence in my ability to get her to go out with me (as friends, of course). All I need is a positive attitude and a smile on my face, she's sure to say yes! I know exactly how I'm going to get her number, too. I'll ease into it, of course. Next week I'm going to purposefully miss a class. Therefore, the 2 days prior to that class I plan on missing, I will approach her after class and ask her if we can exchange numbers - as I know she types the notes on her laptop as opposed to writing them on paper. For this reason I will ask her if she can kindly send me the notes for the day I miss. Even exchanging emails would work. That will be my initial break in. I think jumping in with "HI I DONT KNOW YOU AND YOU DONT KNOW ME BUT LETS GO GET FOOD LOL" isn't the best course of action. Start with a request for help to get her contact info and then ease into conversation from there. It's fool proof and I know I can pull it off. Confidence!

There, is that better? Is that the attitude I should take? Do you want to run far away from me now? =l

You're being weird about it imo man. Just take it easy and ask when you feel comfortable. I mean I did something somewhat similar I guess? I just asked if this one girl in my psych class knew of any study groups getting together for the next test, she said no, I asked if she wanted to study together at the library, she said yes and we exchanged numbers. That simple lol.

 

[Jokab]

Back to the basics Tinder question:

When dealing with someone who is a slow responder, say is online twice a day, do you respond quickly (if you do so normally) or do you adapt to his/her pace? Case in point, this girl I'm talking to is online like twice or three times a day, and I'm the kind of person who responds almost immediately to anything whenever I have the time, usually within a few minutes unless I'm very busy. Do you guys think this puts me in a bad light in any way? I'm not looking to "play games", but the interaction becoming one-sided in any regard is never good.

 

[Jimothy]

I hope for your sake they never find these posts of yours.

TBH if I knew a potential partner was talking like this... I would run. Far, far away.

[I found my bf's NeoGAF profile way before we started dating, too, btw.]


*edit: There's nothing wrong with physical attractiveness being crucial/important, but it's not just that. The tone and attitude you're taking... either I'm just getting the wrong vibe(misinterpreting), or it's just how you are and we'd just be incompatible (again, full disclaimer, this is just my personal opinion, not saying this is an absolute).

Seriously. The moment you start becoming bitter and blaming women for your problems is the time you should delete all your online dating profiles and do some soul searching before you try again.

 

[Palpable]

You're being weird about it imo man. Just take it easy and ask when you feel comfortable. I mean I did something somewhat similar I guess? I just asked if this one girl in my psych class knew of any study groups getting together for the next test, she said no, I asked if she wanted to study together at the library, she said yes and we exchanged numbers. That simple lol.

I think you missed the sarcasm.

Seriously. The moment you start becoming bitter and blaming women for your problems is the time you should delete all your online dating profiles and do some soul searching before you try again.

I'm not blaming women for my problems lol

 

[Lone_Prodigy]

Isn't Infinity Patriot the guy that couldn't get over his ex, yet refused to delete all traces of her on social media sites, contrary to the overwhelming opinion of GAF?

Not holding it against you, but I think you need a better mindset before getting back to dating.

Relationships aren't easy. Online dating kind of skews things a bit: I don't think it's nearly as hard in real life for attractive, successful, intelligent people to get dates. After all, people were courting and dating well before the advent of the Internet.

 

[Servbot24]

Every once in a while while swiping through Tinder or OKC, I'll see one of my ex's friends with my ex in the picture. Just seeing her fucks up my night. Man I love her

Maybe I should turn these sites off for a while, dunno. Gone on dates with 5 or so people this summer and they're generally fine, but no one feels special.

I'm not going to do it because I could not handle finding out she has a bf or something like that, but there's always a nagging in the back of my mind to try to see her again (it's been 6 months, she broke it off, no fighting just poor communication). Maybe just not thinking about girls at all for a while would help? :/



Completely unrelated, do you guys ever get messages on Tinder, then log in only to see that they've unmatched you? This happens every so often for me. No idea why.

 

[Palpable]

I'm not sure where the sarcasm is here.

I was commenting on your attitude in general regarding women/dating/etc.

On one hand, you complain about lack of content / inability to spell in people's profiles, but on the other, you seem to focus primarily on appearance. Then, being as you've set your standards fairly high (single, good looking, and "intelligent"), you can't seem to figure out why online dating is hard (and wonder if the problem is with the women or you).

This whole insulting the women for meeting your physical standard but not your mental standard is sort of weird because you seem to put so much focus on the physical standard. It's not that it's not impossible for someone to be both smart and beautiful, it's just that it's about as rare online as it is in real life.

It really is odd. I would also find it a turn off if a girl only messaged pretty boys and then complained they were all dumb and couldn't spell, or if a girl messaged only super-intelligent men and then complained they were all ugly and couldn't dress.

Edit: Let me be more blunt and honest and tl;dr it for you.

You reek of entitlement and if I felt that from a guy, no matter how amazing he is otherwise, I would run the fuck away.

This is the part where you're misunderstanding. You claim entitlement, but I claim standards. I'm not ignoring women I don't find attractive. I find intelligence attractive. The way I look at it is like this; it's physical attraction that can bring two people together, but it's everything else that KEEPS them together.

If you got from my posts that I only message physically attractive women and ignore the ones that are less so, but have good substance in their profiles, then I'm sorry for misleading. I'm still friends with several women (whom I don't find attractive) that I met on dating sites many months ago. Does being picky and/or having some sort of standard make me entitled?

you've set your standards fairly high (single, good looking, and "intelligent")

Huh? Those are "high" standards? When I say "good looking" I simply mean attractive to 'me'. Sorry if you cannot understand that someone I find unattractive or even repulsive is someone I wouldn't consider dating. Single is a pretty obvious standard that every single person looking to date should have... Intelligence, as in I couldn't stand being around someone moronic. Could you? I'm not saying they have to be in med school with ambitions to start their own practice, but education has been something that was hammered into my head as being important. Someone, even mildly, college educated doesn't seem to be aiming super high. They could work in retail the rest of their life and I wouldn't care so long as they're educated in some way. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying someone that doesn't go to college isn't smart and someone that does isn't moronic. Plenty of girls that haven't gone to college, I'd totally date. I suppose it has to do with how they present themselves or... I can't think of the word, but I hope you understand what I'm getting at. I mean, if someone can't spell with even mild accuracy, that wouldn't annoy you? It does me. I don't get where you're coming from. I must be writing some misleading stuff, dude.

From what you're saying, it's like I should go after everyone on there. Don't tell me you don't look away from certain people because you don't find them attractive or you don't care for what they had to write. I've messaged plenty of girls with great profiles only to be rejected because I'm too young, too old, or they simply stop responding. If you think I'm superficial, then look at my ex. She isn't that attractive at the end of the day. She isn't someone you'd pick out of a crowd and say "wow, she's hot!", or something.

Isn't Infinity Patriot the guy that couldn't get over his ex, yet refused to delete all traces of her on social media sites, contrary to the overwhelming opinion of GAF?

I've since removed said traces. If you think it's easy taking advice when emotionally crushed, well...

Completely unrelated, do you guys ever get messages on Tinder, then log in only to see that they've unmatched you? This happens every so often for me. No idea why.

Bots.

 

[ReturnOfTheRAT]

Waiting for a date and she's late. Parking is really bad in San Mateo, California tonight, but I haven't heard from her in 19 minutes. Uh oh.

 

[vicissitudes]

I'm not sure where the sarcasm is here.

I was commenting on your attitude in general regarding women/dating/etc.

On one hand, you complain about lack of content / inability to spell in people's profiles, but on the other, you seem to focus primarily on appearance. Then, being as you've set your standards fairly high (single, good looking, and "intelligent"), you can't seem to figure out why online dating is hard (and wonder if the problem is with the women or you).

This whole insulting the women for meeting your physical standard but not your mental standard is sort of weird because you seem to put so much focus on the physical standard. It's not that it's not impossible for someone to be both smart and beautiful, it's just that it's about as rare online as it is in real life.

It really is odd. I would also find it a turn off if a girl only messaged pretty boys and then complained they were all dumb and couldn't spell, or if a girl messaged only super-intelligent men and then complained they were all ugly and couldn't dress.

Edit: Let me be more blunt and honest and tl;dr it for you.


You reek of entitlement and if I felt that from a guy, no matter how amazing he is otherwise, I would run the fuck away.

I'd have to agree with bunny here. More broadly, there seem to be a lot of people in general who are largely concerned with what they want, and very little with what the opposite sex wants. It's the general problem of "high standards for others, low standards for self." When it comes to women, it's "they must be attractive and smart and friendly and fun" but when it comes to oneself it's "well I'm just being myself" and "the right girl will like me despite my flaws".

One simple example Infinity Patriot: I glanced and your profile and you need better pictures. What have you done about that? Some people ask their friends to take photos for them, others can get professional pictures or head shots taken. Heck, you can find aspiring photographers on Craigslist to take good pics for you often for free. Have you tried any of these things?

News flash, the girls you find attractive, so do everyone else. These girls can get any guy they want. So what makes you more desirable than all the other guys out there? News flash #2: it takes work for these girls to be attractive. A lot of work to stay fit and get their hair done and shop for the right outfits and make up and shave, and still educate themselves and have a positive attitude and learn social etiquette. And you can't be bothered to stop complaining online and get some good pics. So why should any of these girls be interested in you?

 

[Zaraki_Kenpachi]

This is the part where you're misunderstanding. You claim entitlement, but I claim standards. I'm not ignoring women I don't find attractive. I find intelligence attractive. The way I look at it is like this; it's physical attraction that can bring two people together, but it's everything else that KEEPS them together.

If you got from my posts that I only message physically attractive women and ignore the ones that are less so, but have good substance in their profiles, then I'm sorry for misleading. I'm still friends with several women (whom I don't find attractive) that I met on dating sites many months ago. Does being picky and/or having some sort of standard make me entitled?



Huh? Those are "high" standards? When I say "good looking" I simply mean attractive to 'me'. Sorry if you cannot understand that someone I find unattractive or even repulsive is someone I wouldn't consider dating. Single is a pretty obvious standard that every single person looking to date should have... Intelligence, as in I couldn't stand being around someone moronic. Could you? I'm not saying they have to be in med school with ambitions to start their own practice, but education has been something that was hammered into my head as being important. Someone, even mildly, college educated doesn't seem to be aiming super high. They could work in retail the rest of their life and I wouldn't care so long as they're educated in some way. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying someone that doesn't go to college isn't smart and someone that does isn't moronic. Plenty of girls that haven't gone to college, I'd totally date. I suppose it has to do with how they present themselves or... I can't think of the word, but I hope you understand what I'm getting at. I mean, if someone can't spell with even mild accuracy, that wouldn't annoy you? It does me. I don't get where you're coming from. I must be writing some misleading stuff, dude.

From what you're saying, it's like I should go after everyone on there. Don't tell me you don't look away from certain people because you don't find them attractive or you don't care for what they had to write. I've messaged plenty of girls with great profiles only to be rejected because I'm too young, too old, or they simply stop responding. If you think I'm superficial, then look at my ex. She isn't that attractive at the end of the day. She isn't someone you'd pick out of a crowd and say "wow, she's hot!", or something.



I've since removed said traces. If you think it's easy taking advice when emotionally crushed, well...



Bots.

How have you removed all traces when you were just asking someone in the other threads to login for you and delete her?

 

[ReturnOfTheRAT]

Update:

Im still looking. My mom just called and she needs me to help her move something tonight. Im so sorry. Is there any way we can reschedule for sunday? Im so sorry to waste your time tonight?

Im really sorry.

 

[Palpable]

One simple example Infinity Patriot: I glanced and your profile and you need better pictures. What have you done about that? Some people ask their friends to take photos for them, others can get professional pictures or head shots taken. Heck, you can find aspiring photographers on Craigslist to take good pics for you often for free. Have you tried any of these things?

When you say "better pics" what do you mean? Are all 8 of them too blurry, can't see me well enough, I'm too far away, what? Can you point out the specific pictures that are the problems?

How have you removed all traces when you were just asking someone in the other threads to login for you and delete her?

Huh? Delete doesn't equal block. She is not on any of my friends lists nor do I follow her on anything. Just so you know, I went to her instagram page and blocked her 30-something minutes ago. As I suspected, seeing her pic/bio dropped my mood and raised my heart rate, but it's done.

 

[vicissitudes]

When you say "better pics" what do you mean? Are all 8 of them too blurry, can't see me well enough, I'm too far away, what? Can you point out the specific pictures that are the problems?

Sure thing, I'll PM you with more specifics when I get home. Can you PM me a link to your profile?

 

[Zaraki_Kenpachi]

When you say "better pics" what do you mean? Are all 8 of them too blurry, can't see me well enough, I'm too far away, what? Can you point out the specific pictures that are the problems?



Huh? Delete doesn't equal block. She is not on any of my friends lists nor do I follow her on anything. Just so you know, I went to her instagram page and blocked her 30-something minutes ago. As I suspected, seeing her pic/bio dropped my mood and raised my heart rate, but it's done.

K.

 

[Palpable]

Sure thing, I'll PM you with more specifics when I get home. Can you PM me a link to your profile?

I've deleted the profiles, but I'll send you links to what pictures I had up.

K.

I'm glad I could clarify for you.

 

[davepoobond]

Update:

was she saying she was looking for a place to park?


i guess its legitimate at least she tried to meet up. she's offering to reschedule, so unless you don't think its worth the effort again i would meet again.

 

[AcridMeat]

Update:

Damn...sorry to hear that.

i guess its legitimate at least she tried to meet up. she's offering to reschedule, so unless you don't think its worth the effort again i would meet again.

N...no...definitely not.

I guess not "definitely" but most probably not.


And @Infinity, I don't know what to say for you, I feel like I've been transported months back with the type of posts you've made in the last few days in these threads. Whatever happened to the girl who worked close by and went to the lobby? You said you want to meet up with her and then didn't follow through. Or other girls where you said conversations died, despite explicitly stating it happened after you asked them to do something and they responded positively with a yes. You have to be proactive. You're doing all of the work without ever following through.

 

[Palpable]

I don't know what to say for you, I feel like I've been transported months back with the type of posts you've made in the last few days in these threads. Whatever happened to the girl who worked close by and went to the lobby? You said you want to meet up with her and then didn't follow through. Or other girls where you said conversations died, despite explicitly stating it happened after you asked them to do something and they responded positively with a yes. You have to be proactive. You're doing all of the work without ever following through.

She stopped replying mid conversation (I think it's called ghosting). Waited a couple of days & she never responded. In those couple days she was online plenty of times. The girl I asked out & said yes - I talked to her last night. She said she is busy this weekend. I said that's fine and asked her what days/times normally work best for her. It has been over 24 hours and she hasn't replied (she's been online since then, according to the app).

 

[ReturnOfTheRAT]

was she saying she was looking for a place to park?


i guess its legitimate at least she tried to meet up. she's offering to reschedule, so unless you don't think its worth the effort again i would meet again.

Ha, she said she was looking. I asked if she was still looking and that's the response I got.

I don't think it's worth the effort.

As a side note my bad luck streak on OkCupid continues. Created one a year ago. Tried to make two dates with women and they both got cold feet before anything was finalized. Bad luck on POF and Match to a certain degree.... Created a new OKC account last Saturday and started speaking with her last Sunday. Had a great convo on Sunday, exchanged numbers and made plans this week. Then tonight happened.

I've never been stood up before. This is all new to me. Lol, oh well.

 

[User 479360]

I don't know if anyone remembers, but a couple of weeks ago I posted about a girl I'd been talking to. She had told me that she wanted to take things slowly, talk a lot, get to know someone, etc. before even moving things off of OkCupid. She didn't want to talk about sex, because that ruined things in the past, etc. but assured me that she is interested in finding someone, liked talking to me and was a normal, "sexual" woman.

I replied, saying I understood and that I wouldn't pressure her. I figured there was potential there and didn't want to ruin it. She'd reply every three or four days, but not every day.

She didn't reply for a while, though, so I sent her a message asking if she was still there, just to try to kickstart things again. She's been dealing with depression, too, and said, "Yeah, just dealing with some personal things," so I told her I wouldn't bother her. She knows I'd reply if she sent me a message about needing to talk.

Anyways, I got another message from her today, after thinking she maybe wouldn't continue talking to me. It said that she had been meaning to get back to me and feels like I'm the only one she likes to talk to on there. She asked if she could add me to Facebook and "connect on there," so I added her.

 

[gaiages]

Update:

Sounds like a poor excuse imo, but it seems she wants to reschedule, so might as well give it a second shot.

I don't know if anyone remembers, but a couple of weeks ago I posted about a girl I'd been talking to. She had told me that she wanted to take things slowly, talk a lot, get to know someone, etc. before even moving things off of OkCupid. She didn't want to talk about sex, because that ruined things in the past, etc. but assured me that she is interested in finding someone, liked talking to me and was a normal, "sexual" woman.

I replied, saying I understood and that I wouldn't pressure her. I figured there was potential there and didn't want to ruin it. She'd reply every three or four days, but not every day.

She didn't reply for a while, though, so I sent her a message asking if she was still there, just to try to kickstart things again. She's been dealing with depression, too, and said, "Yeah, just dealing with some personal things," so I told her I wouldn't bother her. She knows I'd reply if she sent me a message about needing to talk.

Anyways, I got another message from her today, after thinking she maybe wouldn't continue talking to me. It said that she had been meaning to get back to me and feels like I'm the only one she likes to talk to on there. She asked if she could add me to Facebook and "connect on there," so I added her.

TBH, it just sounds like she uses you to fill an emotional void whenever she's feeling down. I mean, she doesn't talk everyday, and disappears for a while only to suddenly pop back up... what do you guys talk about? About her issues and difficulties?

By what you've said, she doesn't sound like a healthy person to have in your life, even as a friend. Her lack of timely responses, and conversations only going forward when she wants them to shows a lot of a person that's only doing this for their own benefit. You deserve to have people in your life that care about you too, ya know? It shouldn't be a one way street.

 

[User 479360]

TBH, it just sounds like she uses you to fill an emotional void whenever she's feeling down. I mean, she doesn't talk everyday, and disappears for a while only to suddenly pop back up... what do you guys talk about? About her issues and difficulties?

By what you've said, she doesn't sound like a healthy person to have in your life, even as a friend. Her lack of timely responses, and conversations only going forward when she wants them to shows a lot of a person that's only doing this for their own benefit. You deserve to have people in your life that care about you too, ya know? It shouldn't be a one way street.

It's a hard thing to explain, hence why I'm not surprised what I wrote was a bit confusing. But we don't just talk about her issues. I don't think she's using me, but if she is then I'll be disappointed.

EDIT: Yeah, I looked back and a lot of it was me asking how she was doing. She brought it up, but we had a lot of normal conversation too.

 

[davepoobond]

Ha, she said she was looking. I asked if she was still looking and that's the response I got.

I don't think it's worth the effort.

As a side note my bad luck streak on OkCupid continues. Created one a year ago. Tried to make two dates with women and they both got cold feet before anything was finalized. Bad luck on POF and Match to a certain degree.... Created a new OKC account last Saturday and started speaking with her last Sunday. Had a great convo on Sunday, exchanged numbers and made plans this week. Then tonight happened.

I've never been stood up before. This is all new to me. Lol, oh well.

too bad, oh well.

i dont know what i'm doing correctly but i had 3 responses waiting in my inbox. i guess we'll see if any of them continue the conversation. 1 has replied back a couple times already

 

[Advocatus Diaboli]

Replied to 2 messages tonight, and I've got another 3 conversations to deal with tomorrow as well. One girl smartly suggested taking things to email and dropped me her number. With the other, our first salvo of messages talked about feminism in popular media (#gamergategetsmedates), so I asked her out for coffee/drinks next week.

For the other three - one asked me out this Sunday to watch football and play board games, so I'll reply affirmatively tomorrow; another asked me out for Sunday, but as I was waiting on the first girl, I declined and she re-asked for Wednesday; and the last, she's got this picture-less profile on OKC, and we're just chatting without any expectation of meeting up. It's weird, but I like it.

Trying to be gaiages-approved discriminating here...

 

[Palpable]

Replied to 2 messages tonight, and I've got another 3 conversations to deal with tomorrow as well. One girl smartly suggested taking things to email and dropped me her number. With the other, our first salvo of messages talked about feminism in popular media (#gamergategetsmedates), so I asked her out for coffee/drinks next week.

For the other three - one asked me out this Sunday to watch football and play board games, so I'll reply affirmatively tomorrow; another asked me out for Sunday, but as I was waiting on the first girl, I declined and she re-asked for Wednesday; and the last, she's got this picture-less profile on OKC, and we're just chatting without any expectation of meeting up. It's weird, but I like it.

Trying to be gaiages-approved discriminating here...

Can you link me to your profile so I can get examples of how mine should look &/or be structured?

 

[BladeoftheImmortal]

Update:

Ouch. I would have said, ask her if you can help her mom move. Then it wouldn't have been a total loss.

 

[Advocatus Diaboli]

Can you link me to your profile so I can get examples of how mine should look &/or be structured?

Quote to reveal.

 

[gaiages]

Trying to be gaiages-approved discriminating here...

 

[Advocatus Diaboli]

OK, someone asked for first messages. I'll include the redacted versions of the ones I've sent, along with some that were sent to me to which I responded. Quote to reveal.