Because someone tripped us.
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Online Dating |OT| Please Respond
- Thread starter Jhoan
- Start date
Advocatus Diaboli
Member
Well, didn't expect that: first date with, hands down, the most gorgeous woman I've ever been out with. And, more importantly, we made each other laugh all night and she's undeniably smart. Coffee and pie turned into a drink. Ended with, let's say, heavy petting in her car -- that alone lasted over an hour. Way, way too compatible in that regard.
I still have coffee planned for Friday with a super-cute gamer girl (never dated one of those, so that'll be intriguing, but she's quite young), and fantasy football girl (thanks to Sam Bradford for giving us a conversation topic) and I have something penciled in for early next week.
So, that's the status update. I'm considering canceling/not confirming with the girl for Wednesday. What do you think? (I haven't contacted anyone else or responded to messages, but I'm really trying to not get overwhelmed this time.) Anyway, if I do that, considering we've only exchanged a couple of messages, what's the protocol?
I still have coffee planned for Friday with a super-cute gamer girl (never dated one of those, so that'll be intriguing, but she's quite young), and fantasy football girl (thanks to Sam Bradford for giving us a conversation topic) and I have something penciled in for early next week.
So, that's the status update. I'm considering canceling/not confirming with the girl for Wednesday. What do you think? (I haven't contacted anyone else or responded to messages, but I'm really trying to not get overwhelmed this time.) Anyway, if I do that, considering we've only exchanged a couple of messages, what's the protocol?
Lone_Prodigy
Member
Is it a first date you're canceling? Just tell them something came up and you're sorry for the short notice, but you're going to have to cancel (don't offer to reschedule and maybe she'll take the hint, or say something like "I'll let you know when I'm free" and then never respond). I mean, you can go through with it and then fade/ghost but it seems like a waste of time for both of you if you're not invested in it.
But she could be awesome in person and totally blow your mind.
But she could be awesome in person and totally blow your mind.
Advocatus Diaboli
Member
First date. I checked, and she'd already confirmed. You're right - she could be awesome. Might as well see what happens. Besides, I think there's something to be said for honoring commitments. That said, thanks to the Facebook app and how it auto-updates contact information if you provide a cell phone number, I've seen other pictures of her (and the others)... two of the three really did pick the most advantageous shots possible.
So, FYI: if you give someone your number, it's possible that it automatically links to Facebook. That's not necessarily something I'd want. Anyone know for sure how to lock down that option to prevent it from happening?
If facebook has your phone number, people can use it to look you up. Even if you set the visibility of that number to "only me", it can still be used to find you. The only way to stop that is to remove the phone number from your profile altogether, which then forces you to use your email. All these options are found (on the website version) under About -> Contact and Basic Info.
Now, here's the part where I sound creepy. I didn't need your phone number or email to find your Facebook info (you spent time in Dayton, OH? I'm so, so sorry). If you want to know how, just PM me.
Rest
All these years later I still chuckle at what a fucking moron that guy is.
OMG I said literally the same thing to the swinger guy.
Also, you should have put that in a PM, tracking down other GAFfers is against the TOS.
I don't know if he's still fucking around with me, but when I told him that I found out who he was with a piece of information he let slip, he asked how I did it. He says he's "new to this." I know that's a lie though, and I find it hard to believe that in ten years of swinging and setting up gangbangs for his wife, nobody has ever wanted to know who these people are. When his girlfriend didn't want to meet me in person before hooking up, and he was an internet ghost, I was ready to run background checks because I thought these people might be murderers. Am I weird to want to know who I'd be screwing? I'm also pretty sure he picked the fake name he uses because it leads to a dead end.
Oops. Well, I told AD how I was able to find him so that he can prevent future crazy people from tracking him down. Fun note: telling people how you can track them down can stop a date dead in its tracks. Especially if they had a stalker previously.
Anywho, took a 6 week break from OKC, decided I didn't like the desperation I was exhibiting and needed to refocus myself. Time to begin another profile fixup iteration. Reading what you wrote in the past is pure torture...
Hell yeah it is, that's suuuuuuuper creepy, lol
It was job related, I swear!
I work with the government on data collection. A big problem deals with personally identifiable information...how much data can we gather about an anonymous person until they're no longer anonymous. One of my roles is to try and figure out how we can obfuscate data without harming analytical integrity while decreasing the likelihood of an anonymous person becoming de-anonymized.
This girl asked for an example. I used her as one. The rest of the date was incredibly awkward.
Advocatus Diaboli
Member
Yeah, it's okay. He did what I expected, which is what any Internet-savvy person would do. Honestly, I need to have a very minor public presence, and based on what Salamando found, I'm OK with it. I think these days it's creepier NOT to have a Facebook identity... to some, at least.
Lone_Prodigy
Member
Reminds me of how a girl gave me her number somewhat suddenly, leading me to Google it and find a published paper with her name and address on it. Was kind of a "wow the Internet is scary" and "holy cow she's out of my league" moment.
Gray Matter
Member
I've had better success (althought not by much) on tinder by not having anything on my description vs. something in the description.
Rest
All these years later I still chuckle at what a fucking moron that guy is.
Ha, I'm sure.
It's part of my job too. This is the first time I've ever done it for anything personal. It's crazy how easy it is though, and that's just if you're doing legal stuff. If you're willing to break the law...
Though if you're doing it for the Feds, I'm sure you know all about breaking the law...
Admiral Woofington
Member
I seem to attract smoking hot nerdy girls. And I'd so go for it, if all three of them weren't below 20.
Rest
All these years later I still chuckle at what a fucking moron that guy is.
Ha, I've found I can't have a conversation with someone under 20. They're still so much like children, even the little bit of experience I've had in my life has put such a gap between me and people of that age.
Admiral Woofington
Member
One of the things for me is that I could go for 20 as then I'd only have to wait 12 months at most before being able to go drinking with her and with work as is it wouldn't be an issue as there's usually no more than 4-5 occasions of heavy drinking for me for year. And most are planned out and/or at home. Anything below that would mean being able to go out with her and friends just became more awkward since usually we enjoy drinking.
But of course the biggest by far is what you're talking about. My concers with job and real life are too big and when I was 19 I was only thinking of college and enjoying being young. I'm basically a grumpy old man in a 24 year old's body right now. I'm not old enough for adults to consider me one of their own, but not young enough to be with younger people. I don't want to go out partying all night and prefer staying in unless it's a huge event/get together that was planned.
And while it isn't exactly true that the girls might be into super social settings all of the time, the whole package of working and stress right now is too much to have to listen to shit like "my exam is coming up I gotta study all night uggggh"
Rest
All these years later I still chuckle at what a fucking moron that guy is.
Just saw a profile that the picture made me say daaaaaaaaaamn. I wish I could share it with you guys.
I also got a message from a woman complaining that I'd sent her a second message a week after the first one, which she didn't respond to. I only do that for profiles I really like, but maybe I was wrong this time...
I also got a message from a woman complaining that I'd sent her a second message a week after the first one, which she didn't respond to. I only do that for profiles I really like, but maybe I was wrong this time...
Anyone else feel terrible when someone messages you first, seems very interested, but you aren't at all and thus don't want to respond?
Somehow lately I've been getting messages out the wazoo and have gone on multiple dates because of it (which feels fucking amazing considering how shy and uncomfortable I used to be a few years back).
But I've gotten some messages where I've checked out their profile and just wasn't interested, whether because of looks or personality. The messages I get are never just "hi" though, they're normally long written things about how I seem really interesting and all that, and they're very genuine-sounding. But I don't message back because I'm not interested in "starting" something with them, as little as it might be.
It makes me feel really shitty, because I've been in the situation they would be in (not getting messages back when you're trying to be genuine and interesting), and it sucks — a lot. So I want to talk to them, but without the implication of a date coming out of it.
Is this the opposite of a problem? What do.
Somehow lately I've been getting messages out the wazoo and have gone on multiple dates because of it (which feels fucking amazing considering how shy and uncomfortable I used to be a few years back).
But I've gotten some messages where I've checked out their profile and just wasn't interested, whether because of looks or personality. The messages I get are never just "hi" though, they're normally long written things about how I seem really interesting and all that, and they're very genuine-sounding. But I don't message back because I'm not interested in "starting" something with them, as little as it might be.
It makes me feel really shitty, because I've been in the situation they would be in (not getting messages back when you're trying to be genuine and interesting), and it sucks — a lot. So I want to talk to them, but without the implication of a date coming out of it.
Is this the opposite of a problem? What do.
Advocatus Diaboli
Member
Girl I wasn't too interested in seeing said work blew up and wanted to cancel. Was pleased with this. I invited the girl from Monday over, as she texted me yesterday that her Wednesday night was now open. We watched Pitch Perfect 2 and did other suitably adult things. It's already trending towards something -- you know, when there's hand-holding and staring into eyes and giggling. And that's just me. We've scheduled again for Monday. I feel like I can be 100% open around her.
But, as we learned last time, we can't get ahead of ourselves. Still have a date planned for Friday with cute gamer girl, along with another "sometime next week" thing with fantasy football girl.
Nah. I don't feel bad. This is going to sound equally harsh, but: while it's possible to make friends via dating sites (and I have!), the primary purpose is dating. Don't feel shitty if you're not interested. If you sent them a message and they weren't interested, they likely wouldn't reciprocate.
Besides, if they're looking for love in all the wrong places and you send a message that basically implies "Hi, you've got a nice personality, but ehhh..." that's not always going to be received well. It might. But it might not. You can't ever know. It's safer (and wastes less of your time) simply to not respond.
But, as we learned last time, we can't get ahead of ourselves. Still have a date planned for Friday with cute gamer girl, along with another "sometime next week" thing with fantasy football girl.
Nah. I don't feel bad. This is going to sound equally harsh, but: while it's possible to make friends via dating sites (and I have!), the primary purpose is dating. Don't feel shitty if you're not interested. If you sent them a message and they weren't interested, they likely wouldn't reciprocate.
Besides, if they're looking for love in all the wrong places and you send a message that basically implies "Hi, you've got a nice personality, but ehhh..." that's not always going to be received well. It might. But it might not. You can't ever know. It's safer (and wastes less of your time) simply to not respond.
Nah, you shouldn't feel shitty. I know that guys tend not to get messaged first, so when they are messaged by a girl first they feel a need to respond, but you certainly don't have to if you're not feeling it. No need to waste anyone's time
Quick question for y'all. When I go back to America for vacation, I plan to use a little bit of Tinder and try my luck while there. I'm wondering how these pictures will work on my profile, and if I should default one. Thought it'd be good to get some second opinions:
http://www.neogaf.com/forum/showpost.php?p=179807342&postcount=1729
http://www.neogaf.com/forum/showpost.php?p=179807342&postcount=1729
I think that's the right choice. The wrong thing would be to message them, they think you might be interested and then they find out you're not. I'd rather someone not reply to my message at all than to start a conversation and find they had no interest.
This online dating biz is a harsh mistress. Just the way it goes I guess.
Rest
All these years later I still chuckle at what a fucking moron that guy is.
I wouldn't worry about it. When I send a message out, I hope for a response but I don't expect one. Honestly, the "lets just chat on the internet when you wanted to date me" conversations are really irritating. Don't do it.
Yeah, I prefer getting no response than one response then nothing. I mean, what was the point of even humoring me? :/
Advocatus Diaboli
Member
Hmm. Girl on Friday preemptively canceled because she's stressed out about looking for a job. Okay, sure; I wished her luck and godspeed. Clears up my evening so that I can attend a friend's birthday party, anyway. Things are becoming markedly less complicated. I should probably check my OKC message queue at some point, right?
Rest
All these years later I still chuckle at what a fucking moron that guy is.
The Yu-GI-Oh! quote girl logged in yesterday and looked at my profile while I was on, but didn't respond. I'll send her a message tomorrow if she doesn't respond today, but if asking for her number put her off them she probably isn't very interested.
NoctisVsStar
Member
What's the consensus of PoF? Looks very trashy and suspect, however I see some good looking ladies.
Suppose this fits more in this thread. Matched with a girl on tinder. We had a date set up for tonight, but she had to cancel as she doesn't feel well. She apologized & asked to reschedule for when she feels better. Not holding my breath.
I met my ex there. Had a year & a half relationship. The website isn't as fleshed out as okc, but it's still plenty good enough. Like all other dating sites/apps, it's simply a medium for meeting new people.
I met my ex there. Had a year & a half relationship. The website isn't as fleshed out as okc, but it's still plenty good enough. Like all other dating sites/apps, it's simply a medium for meeting new people.
If a girl asks to reschedule, its a good sign. Not as good a sign as going on the date, but shit happens. People get sick, their dogs get abducted, bats take up residence in their chimney, and they legitimately can't make the date.
Moral question / tl;dr: is dating multiple people at once wrong? That is to say, not dating in the "we are in a relationship" sense, but in the "I am looking for someone to be in a relationship with" sense.
Basically there's a girl I met through my cousin a few weeks ago. We've been hanging out a lot and I know she's into me in some capacity (the night I met her we were drinking and she wanted to fuck, but I wasn't game). But since that night, nothing has happened and she hasn't given me any hints she told me she likes be hard to read. It's possible she only wants fwb's (she was one with someone else for a bit not too long ago), but she also seems to be putting more into it than that that, and there's the fact that we haven't actually had sex yet
I don't mind the toying around, she's fun to be around either way.
I hadn't been using OK Cupid for a few months, but started getting a lot of messages recently (not sure what triggered this). One girl messaged me a week ago and we talked, got along well, exchange numbers, and eventually hung out 2 days ago. I didn't have an "omg I need to date this girl" reaction, but the date went well and would be cool with hanging out with her again and seeing where things go. The problem: she lives an hour away. Kind of a lot of effort, especially when she's got school, and I've got work. I'm used to relationships with spontaneous hangouts at all times of day, and seeing each other multiple times a week. Not really possible in this situation, but would be down to give it a shot anyways.
Then, yesterday, another girl messaged me. We've been talking and getting along great. I think I'll ask her on a date / to hang out / whatever sometime next week. She also lives about 10 minutes away, which is a huge plus over the 2nd girl.
Assuming girl #3 works out when we meet in person, and we get along great, that would be 3 people on the go at once. Is this... wrong? Obviously, if I was to ever start DATING dating one of them, I wouldn't be talking to the other 2 (or would remain in this just friends thing with girl #1, which is alright with me).
But I don't want to break things off with two of them, then find out along the way that the one I "chose" isn't working out.
Is that a selfish thing? Or is it normal until things start progressing into boyfriend / girlfriend territory?
Basically there's a girl I met through my cousin a few weeks ago. We've been hanging out a lot and I know she's into me in some capacity (the night I met her we were drinking and she wanted to fuck, but I wasn't game). But since that night, nothing has happened and she hasn't given me any hints she told me she likes be hard to read. It's possible she only wants fwb's (she was one with someone else for a bit not too long ago), but she also seems to be putting more into it than that that, and there's the fact that we haven't actually had sex yet
I don't mind the toying around, she's fun to be around either way.
I hadn't been using OK Cupid for a few months, but started getting a lot of messages recently (not sure what triggered this). One girl messaged me a week ago and we talked, got along well, exchange numbers, and eventually hung out 2 days ago. I didn't have an "omg I need to date this girl" reaction, but the date went well and would be cool with hanging out with her again and seeing where things go. The problem: she lives an hour away. Kind of a lot of effort, especially when she's got school, and I've got work. I'm used to relationships with spontaneous hangouts at all times of day, and seeing each other multiple times a week. Not really possible in this situation, but would be down to give it a shot anyways.
Then, yesterday, another girl messaged me. We've been talking and getting along great. I think I'll ask her on a date / to hang out / whatever sometime next week. She also lives about 10 minutes away, which is a huge plus over the 2nd girl.
Assuming girl #3 works out when we meet in person, and we get along great, that would be 3 people on the go at once. Is this... wrong? Obviously, if I was to ever start DATING dating one of them, I wouldn't be talking to the other 2 (or would remain in this just friends thing with girl #1, which is alright with me).
But I don't want to break things off with two of them, then find out along the way that the one I "chose" isn't working out.
Is that a selfish thing? Or is it normal until things start progressing into boyfriend / girlfriend territory?
It's normal, don't sweat it GtwoK.
And Advocatus Diaboli, you seem to have a lot on your plate at any given time, do you feel you really need to look for more date options on OKC? Maybe taking a day or two to yourself, without thinking about dating would be beneficial in making the few situations you've got going on work even better. Just a thought.
And Advocatus Diaboli, you seem to have a lot on your plate at any given time, do you feel you really need to look for more date options on OKC? Maybe taking a day or two to yourself, without thinking about dating would be beneficial in making the few situations you've got going on work even better. Just a thought.
Advocatus Diaboli
Member
Yeah, that's the conclusion I reached too. Besides, this time my goal was to make things less complicated-- and so only worrying about 2 options is manageable. But thanks for hammering home that point; it was well stated.
If you wanna PM me some of your openers, I could try and help.
Ive only been in this game for about a month and had a lot of the same reservations as you...which I quickly got over. The general consensus is that people are dating other people. Some people sleep with multiple people as well. Essentially, do whatever you want but be clear when its time to be exclusive.
Rest
All these years later I still chuckle at what a fucking moron that guy is.
Asked for Yu-Gi-Oh! girl's phone number.
"Oh, it's messed up, gotta talk to the phone company..."
Just tell me no. It's easier.
"Oh, it's messed up, gotta talk to the phone company..."
Just tell me no. It's easier.
As long as they know that, there's no problem.
I don't really think you need to tell any of them that you're dating other people. It's none of their business to be honest.
Rest
All these years later I still chuckle at what a fucking moron that guy is.
They need to know that you're not exclusive and that you'll be looking and dating around, I think. They don't need to know who you're dating, how many people you're dating, or when you'll be with other people. That way you have a chance to discuss it with them if they or you want to get more serious, and they won't just assume that it's a relationship.
I think being non-exclusive is very much implied until you've expressed exclusivity. Perhaps I'm biased in this perception since I've been dating for a while now, but people really should know that. I mean if you get the sense that the other person thinks you're exclusive when you're in fact not, you should probably have the talk, but otherwise probably not. I don't see how coming forth, out of the blue, with "I'm dating other people and we are not exclusive" (paraphrasing of course) can go down any way but badly.
I'd like to hear others' opinions though.
Agreed, the only way it can end is badly. I find it can take the wind out of sales if you even talk about online dating in general. Its best to just leave it off the table.
Met a guy on POF. Talked for a few weeks, met up. Had an awesome time. Kept talking afterwards for a few days, but then he went dark. I messaged him one last time to ask if he lost interest, but I didn't expect a reply. But I got one: he says he's into me, but he sort of lost interest in having a relationship, as he feels he has some catching up to do with the rest of his life (Long story). But he still wants to (at least) be friends. So... we went out again, and had a great time again.
Its just... I don't want to be just friends. I'm really into the guy. So, its frustrating. A part of me thinks its a terrible idea to be friends with him, but a part of me does want to. Friends never came easy for me, so I try to cherish the ones I have. I know some people are of the opinion that you shouldn't try to be friends with people you have a big crush on, but if I did that, I'd probably have no close male friends. I've been in this situation a few times now. But in those situations, my friends were straight, so I knew there was no shot.
Mainly this post is to vent. Its frustrating. I really have not seen many guys online (POF, OkCupid) that seem appealing. And I've long struggled to meet fellow gay guys in person, hence why I finally gave in and tried online dating. Then this guy comes along, we have a great time, only for him to want to be friends. Damn.
Its just... I don't want to be just friends. I'm really into the guy. So, its frustrating. A part of me thinks its a terrible idea to be friends with him, but a part of me does want to. Friends never came easy for me, so I try to cherish the ones I have. I know some people are of the opinion that you shouldn't try to be friends with people you have a big crush on, but if I did that, I'd probably have no close male friends. I've been in this situation a few times now. But in those situations, my friends were straight, so I knew there was no shot.
Mainly this post is to vent. Its frustrating. I really have not seen many guys online (POF, OkCupid) that seem appealing. And I've long struggled to meet fellow gay guys in person, hence why I finally gave in and tried online dating. Then this guy comes along, we have a great time, only for him to want to be friends. Damn.
Yeah, that's a tough one. It's not a friendship if one of the people wants a relationship and the other one doesn't. Before you know it you're a booty call who is driving him to the airport.
twinturbo2
butthurt Heat fan
Jesus Christ, I can't take a good picture and this is aggravating me to no end.
What makes you say they're not good pictures? Feel free to PM me some of them and I'll gladly give you my opinion.
twinturbo2
butthurt Heat fan
They're up on my POF profile. I'll send you a PM later tonight.