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[BIGWORM]

Hey all. Just wanted to see how you guys were doing and get some summations on your experience as of recent. I'm currently involved with someone. We've been going out a few months already. Things are pretty serious between her and I. Of course I'm still reserving myself from calling her "The One," but things are great so far. Pretty relaxed relationship, no pressure at all, lots of fun. Looking forward as to what things will be in store with her.

 

[Rest]

Hey all. Just wanted to see how you guys were doing and get some summations on your experience as of recent. I'm currently involved with someone. We've been going out a few months already. Things are pretty serious between her and I. Of course I'm still reserving myself from calling her "The One," but things are great so far. Pretty relaxed relationship, no pressure at all, lots of fun. Looking forward as to what things will be in store with her.

I thought it had been a while since we'd seen you. Sounds like everything is going good BIGPERMBIGWORM.

 

[Ensirius]

Hi!

So I made a profile on tinder 3 weeks ago.

At first I had no idea how it worked, so all my pictures were complete shit. A friend of mind helped me out and I picked far better pictures. I absolutely forgot about Tinder and today, after a week of not using after updating my profile, I hopped back in. First four girls were a match. Two are really fucking hot, others are 7 out of 10. Then all the rest were a no match.

So, me wanting to figure out how stuff works, I started thinking. Does Tinder present to you first the people who have shown interest in you?

Now to actually talk to these girls.

EDIT: weird grammar

 

[GK86]

Initially, you are seeing the women that are around your immediate radius (15 miles, 20 miles, etc). Anytime you get a match, it is because the other person swiped right to you. It is when you are matched, that you are then allowed to message each other.

 

[Ensirius]

Initially, you are seeing the women that are around your immediate radius (15 miles, 20 miles, etc). Anytime you get a match, it is because the other person swiped right to you. It is when you are matched, that you are then allowed to message each other.

Right, that I understand.

What I was asking is, anytime I come back to tinder to like or dislike people, does tinder group up the girls that "liked" me first?

 

[Lulubop]

Had a ton of Tinder matches today and convos flowing put I couldn't get anything going. Places in the area are just too crowded on the weekend and I feel really uncomfortable with my arm in a crowded place. This shit is giving me anxiety and I'm feeling hella lonely and bummed out about this shit.

 

[BIGWORM]

Had a ton of Tinder matches today and convos flowing put I couldn't get anything going. Places in the area are just too crowded on the weekend and I feel really uncomfortable with my arm in a crowded place. This shit is giving me anxiety and I'm feeling hella lonely and bummed out about this shit.

Keep on trucking, that's all we can tell you. Online dating is setting yourself up to fail...a lot. If you get overly anxious because of an uneventful weekend, online dating is not for you, to put it bluntly.

 

[vicissitudes]

Right, that I understand.

What I was asking is, anytime I come back to tinder to like or dislike people, does tinder group up the girls that "liked" me first?

Yes.

 

[Lulubop]

It's not the dating, I do pretty well I guess. It's my Broken arm that's giving me anxiety. It's becoming very stressful staying home everyday.

 

[BIGWORM]

Amputees don't let their disability stop them from getting out there!

/peptalk

 

[gaiages]

Lulubop, if you're really anxious about your broken arm, why not just wait until it's healed up before pursuing more dates?

 

[GK86]

Or how about you don't go to a crowded bar/restaurant?

Take her out to ice cream, walk in the park or something.

 

[gaiages]

Or how about you don't go to a crowded bar/restaurant?

Take her out to ice cream, walk in the park or something.

Even better suggestion, imo.

 

[GtwoK]

Gonna throw this out there since it's not really a huge problem and the consensus will be just do it anyway, but I'd like some opinions.

So as I've mentioned on the past page, I'm not really short for dates right now. There are 3 people I'm "seeing" or whatever, and they all seem nice, so I could pursue something with anyone of them, should I so choose.

But then there's this other girl at the back of my mind, and has been for a few months.

There was a girl I matched with on Tinder back in early July. Easily the most attractive, most interesting person I've ever met. Like, I can't stop thinking about her. We talked for a bit on Tinder back then, she added me on Instagram, I added her back and she accepted (she had a private account). After a day of talking (maybe more? maybe less? it was July, I don't remember), she stopped responding, so whatever. She continued to like my photos on IG though, and I continued to like some of hers.

A few weeks after she stopped responding, I restarted my account with a new bio / new photo or 2. This same girl ended up being my first match on the new account. Didn't bother talking to her that time though, since she had stopped responding before. She continues to like a photo of mine every so often when I post. I kinda stopped using Tinder and moved to OKC, where more people are actually looking for dates.

But I can't stop thinking about this girl though.

I really want to talk to her, and it's weird of me to obsess over someone for so long — not like me at all. But I'm not sure how to do it. I was hanging out with a friend last night, and saw how she used Tinder — had over 1000 matches, basically just laughed at all responses and messages she would get, and kept showing me how ridiculous they were. I laughed on the outside, but on the inside it hurt a little, cause some of them seemed like genuine messages.

Knowing that there are girls (presumably most of them using Tinder) that just view it as a source of humour, I'm not sure how to approach this girl, considering my messages would probably just be shrugged to the side. Considering we've matched twice, and she likes my photos, there must be SOMETHING, but I don't know why she would have stopped responding before, or what to do to prevent it this time. I feel like if I could just get to a meeting in person point, it'd be a whole lot easier.

A friend suggested messaging her on instagram instead, but I dunno. No one uses instagram for communication, so would probably be super weird. But not sure how to avoid being "just another guy from tinder".

How do I get past the standpoint the majority of women seem to take towards Tinder where it's not actually being used for dating and more for laughs? There are girls on there I want to message, but am sticking to OKC where I get messaged first most of the time and people there I KNOW are actually interested in a date, you know?

 

[stn]

Very simple. There are some people who use online dating simply as a way to boost their self-esteem and attention. Thing is, some people just want more Instagram followers and more attention. Normally I'd say message her one more time and see what happens, but its practically October and you met her in July. Wayyyyyyy too long to setup one measly first date. The most it should take you to setup a first date is one week. If someone is beating around the bush from July-September, there's no genuine interest to meet up.

Heck, in your case I wouldn't even ask her out. Simply be firm and tell her that you two have taken too much time to meet up. Then state that you're down for meeting for a drink at "x" time. If she doesn't reply or flakes, just delete her and move on. She's just a random Tinder person you've never met. Normally I'd say you could not delete her and just leave her be, but it seems like that would just give you a reason to remember her.

"Listen, you and I have been Instagramming for months now. Its cute and all but I'm looking for an actual fit. I don't need online buddies. I'm going to be at (place) this weekend, join me. Here's my number."

If she doesn't reply to that, cut your losses. At least you go out being really firm and showing that you're not into attention-grabbing nonsense. It might seem kind of confrontational and all but it actually works for you. There are some people out there who need to be guided and will respond to a firm stance.

 

[gaiages]

So, I'm bored while being on a podcast (only really there to talk about one thing) so I decided to look through my messages on OKC because... well, I'm bored. Here's some general advice for people:

1. Don't ask for someone's name if they say their name in the self-summary. Read profiles!
2. If you say something sarcastic, don't get upset or act dense if you get something sarcastic in return.
3. I had at last two chain of messages that were sent within a 12 hour period that went like this:
"Hey how's it going"
"Wanna talk"
"Guess not good luck I guess"
Most people's lives do not revolve around Online Dating and you. Give people a chance to respond.
4. A message filled with nothing but kissy emotes is funny, and I would respond to that. But only cuz it's funny.

 

[ReturnOfTheRAT]

Just left a really good date tonight in Oakland.
Feels good man.

Okcupid redeemed for now.

Edit:

So, I'm bored while being on a podcast (only really there to talk about one thing) so I decided to look through my messages on OKC because... well, I'm bored. Here's some general advice for people:

1. Don't ask for someone's name if they say their name in the self-summary. Read profiles!
2. If you say something sarcastic, don't get upset or act dense if you get something sarcastic in return.
3. I had at last two chain of messages that were sent within a 12 hour period that went like this:
"Hey how's it going"
"Wanna talk"
"Guess not good luck I guess"
Most people's lives do not revolve around Online Dating and you. Give people a chance to respond.
4. A message filled with nothing but kissy emotes is funny, and I would respond to that. But only cuz it's funny.

That's always a good reminder. I made this post originally at 8:17PM and in less than a hours time, two other women have responded to me from OKC. I sent a message to the first responder days ago and the second one on Saturday morning.

 

[huxley00]

Had a fantastic second date with someone tonight. We went to a local lake, brought few beers and a blanket and watched the lunar eclipse. Was probably the best date I've had in a very very very long time.

 

[Necrovex]

I had temporary access to a wifi connection, so I decided to make a OKC profile while I had the opportunity. I got a delightful email from OKC ranking my best matched and worst matched countries. The place I am living in right now got #4 in the worst matched. :-(

I'd love to hear some opinions from people. It's been a while since I dabbled in OKC, so I'm not sure of the quality of my profile. Would love to hear some opinions. Quote post to see link.

 

[Rest]

Got a like from a girl, school teacher, plays in a band, really hot. This is cool!

First thing in her "Six things you can't live without:" God.
Dammit. One date wouldn't hurt though, I guess. No reason not to try.

 

[NoctisVsStar]

Got a like from a girl, school teacher, plays in a band, really hot. This is cool!

First thing in her "Six things you can't live without:" God.
Dammit. One date wouldn't hurt though, I guess. No reason not to try.

avoid religious topics.

 

[Jokab]

Hah, so this is pretty funny. A girl writes on the app Jodel (anonymous message board within 7km radius) that she is insecure about the guy she just started seeing because she's been hurt before by flaky guys and doesn't want that again. I offer some advice and say that I've been in the same situation. She responds with "so let's just get together?" and asks for my snapchat, which we trade. However since it's a message board, anyone can see my message before I delete it, in which time three girls add me, and now I'm talking to all of them (they're all hot btw, wtf?). Just an interesting turn of events.

 

[Lulubop]

Lulubop, if you're really anxious about your broken arm, why not just wait until it's healed up before pursuing more dates?

Sorry, I was in a bit of a bad mood on Friday and Saturday. I was getting sick of staying in, and the Doc said I needed a few more weeks in the Splint. I was pretty upset and just wanted to get out. Better now though. This part of town is real hectic on those nights to do anything really.

 

[NoctisVsStar]

Hah, so this is pretty funny. A girl writes on the app Jodel (anonymous message board within 7km radius) that she is insecure about the guy she just started seeing because she's been hurt before by flaky guys and doesn't want that again. I offer some advice and say that I've been in the same situation. She responds with "so let's just get together?" and asks for my snapchat, which we trade. However since it's a message board, anyone can see my message before I delete it, in which time three girls add me, and now I'm talking to all of them (they're all hot btw, wtf?). Just an interesting turn of events.

Playa playaaa

 

[Lulubop]

One of the hottest girls I've talked to is down for Netflix and chill. I thought it'd be at her place but now she's like if we can do that here and that's not possible. *Sigh*. She's down for a drink tho.

 

[gaiages]

Sorry, I was in a bit of a bad mood on Friday and Saturday. I was getting sick of staying in, and the Doc said I needed a few more weeks in the Splint. I was pretty upset and just wanted to get out. Better now though. This part of town is real hectic on those nights to do anything really.

lol I feel you, I can get like that too. It sucks if you're forced in, but better that then having an accident of some sort D:

 

[davepoobond]

update for me:

1st girl who actually wanted to meet didn't reply to me asking when she wanted to meet despite saying she wanted to meet soon

2nd girl who replied didnt ever get back to me after second message

3rd girl "doesn't have time for family or friends" and isn't looking for a relationship. yet still is just looking to "meet up with people." basically i'm guessing this is code for just hooking up, but i'm not about that at all, so i don't know what could come from that if i continue

4th girl matched on tinder was actually replying, but she gave me a crazy vibe because every picture is her wearing bats/spiders and halloween-themed corsets


lots of fun.

 

[AcridMeat]

4th girl matched on tinder was actually replying, but she gave me a crazy vibe because every picture is her wearing bats/spiders and halloween-themed corsets

Send her this way, tis the season.

 

[Salamando]

I had temporary access to a wifi connection, so I decided to make a OKC profile while I had the opportunity. I got a delightful email from OKC ranking my best matched and worst matched countries. The place I am living in right now got #4 in the worst matched. :-(

I'd love to hear some opinions from people. It's been a while since I dabbled in OKC, so I'm not sure of the quality of my profile. Would love to hear some opinions. Quote post to see link.

Your profile's kind of hard to critique. I have no idea what the culture is like where you are...what girls are looking for, how hard "the chase" is, or even how prevalent internet will be in the first place. Those caveats in place, here's what critique I can offer.

Quote to see critique (mainly because I'll be taking excerpts from it)

 

[Lulubop]

So I wnet on a date with that girl. Not sure how I did. Like the initial plan was netflix and chill right but we had to settle for getting drinks at a bar. I didn't even get a kiss, I don't think she's was feeling me like that. It's not like she bailed on me tho and she is down to do thw netflix thing on Saturday but iunno. I feel like that's not gonna happen. Maybe I should have be more aggressive.

 

[Necrovex]

Your profile's kind of hard to critique. I have no idea what the culture is like where you are...what girls are looking for, how hard "the chase" is, or even how prevalent internet will be in the first place. Those caveats in place, here's what critique I can offer.

Quote to see critique (mainly because I'll be taking excerpts from it)

Appreciate the feedback, and I'll alter it to make it more light hearted. Compared to the states, my daily activity is very boring, outside of work. The living situation doesn't allow for much more than talking to friends (via What'sApp), working on HIV/AIDS, watching movies/TV, and reading. That's basically my life at the moment. Good life, but a boring one when I'm not out on vacation. I also wrote this profile up within a 10 minute span (time limits are killer), which is why my grammar is all over the place.

Anyway, thanks for the in-depth critiques! Made some alterations to the profile. And to your first paragraph, your caveats touches upon some serious problems of dating here. Cultural clashes are all too common here. I don't match up to the majority of women, but I expected that to be the case. Plus internet is rare expect for in the urban environments. Regardless, this will be a fun way to kill some time.

 

[Miles Quaritch]

So a work colleague decided to lay his shit on me during lunch and he's actually decent guy who I'd like to turn into and outside work friend, so hit me up with the good advice.

He's been messaging a girl he met a month ago and that's all they've been doing. No phone calls, no Skyping, nothing more than messaging back and forth with the odd picture scattered throughout. It's further complicated by the fact that she's working in another country but eventually plans to relocate back to the UK.

Now he's reached a point where he doesn't know what to do. Confront her and have it out with her or just keep going along with the messaging and see where that leads.

The worst thing is and I had to shake my head when he told me, he's only messaging her. He's not pursuing other options. I wanted to slap the shit out of him after he said that, but it's also clear he's struggling.

What should I tell him? I don't want to be mean but I also feel it's reached a point where he needs a reality check.

Just to add why does this seems to be becoming more and more common? I've read about this happening to lots of people.. What's going out there with dating these days. I feel blessed I was able to actually meet someone with all the bullshit I can hearing and reading about.

 

[Lone_Prodigy]

The irony is that we are more connected than ever before, yet we are drifting farther and farther apart. I keep in contact with friends via social media, but every time we plan something face-to-face it's nearly impossible, so we don't do it. Why bother going through all that planning when you can send a quick "hey how's it going" text?

Same thing applies to dating. Why go through the motions of meeting up when you can just type a few lines?

 

[Miles Quaritch]

The irony is that we are more connected than ever before, yet we are drifting farther and farther apart. I keep in contact with friends via social media, but every time we plan something face-to-face it's nearly impossible, so we don't do it. Why bother going through all that planning when you can send a quick "hey how's it going" text?

Same thing applies to dating. Why go through the motions of meeting up when you can just type a few lines?

Damn shame, I still try to keep it face to face whenever possible but I've noticed friends are starting to drift away thanks to Whatsapp and Snapchat.

That's why I'm on the lookout for new friends. I'm a little embarrassed to admit it, but most of my current social circle is made up of my girlfriends friends. Most of my friends have just drifted...

I see this guy three days a week and he's nice enough, could turn out to be a good friend but he just had to lay this garbage on m and it feels like a roadblock to going further. Like I just know when I see him tomorrow, he's going to bring it up again and if I say I don't want to hear about it, that's pretty much us being friends over with.

 

[ReturnOfTheRAT]

Advice needed.

Had that great date on Sunday night. During the date we both were interested in seeing each other again. She told me she's busy this upcoming weekend with hosting a relative from out of town.
During the week will be difficult because she's goes to school and night and works during the day. I work during the weekday so, that's a no-go too.

She mentioned a debate she was involved in and that took place yesterday on Monday. I sent a message in the evening about how it went and she responded when she got out of class saying it went well. I congratulated her and left it at that.

When should I try and talk to her again?

 

[davepoobond]

Advice needed.

Had that great date on Sunday night. During the date we both were interested in seeing each other again. She told me she's busy this upcoming weekend with hosting a relative from out of town.
During the week will be difficult because she's goes to school and night and works during the day. I work during the weekday so, that's a no-go too.

She mentioned a debate she was involved in and that took place yesterday on Monday. I sent a message in the evening about how it went and she responded when she got out of class saying it went well. I congratulated her and left it at that.

When should I try and talk to her again?

coming from me, not sure if its the best thing to do, but i would wait until like thursday and see if you can plan a day next week to meet. then after that, don't "try to" talk to her until like a day before to confirm the next date.

if it gets that far.

 

[Lone_Prodigy]

Advice needed.

Had that great date on Sunday night. During the date we both were interested in seeing each other again. She told me she's busy this upcoming weekend with hosting a relative from out of town.
During the week will be difficult because she's goes to school and night and works during the day. I work during the weekday so, that's a no-go too.

She mentioned a debate she was involved in and that took place yesterday on Monday. I sent a message in the evening about how it went and she responded when she got out of class saying it went well. I congratulated her and left it at that.

When should I try and talk to her again?

Late Thursday/Friday, ask her how her week has been and whether she's looking forward to the weekend.

Late Sunday/Monday, ask her how her weekend went. Then start planning your next date.

 

[ReturnOfTheRAT]

davepoobond, try is probably the wrong word. That's my fault being a rush earlier. More like check-in or see how things are going which is the gist of what Long_Prodigy and yourself are getting at.

 

[B-Dubs]

So I decided to jump back in and give this another shot, I start having this great conversation with this cool girl and we talk for like a hour or two straight on Sunday night. I think, awesome. The next morning I get a message and I'm on the train and the signal is intermittent so I wait until I get to the office to respond. So I send her a message and then nothing. I dunno, she could be busy or found someone better or is just busy during the week and will respond on the weekend. Just a little annoying. This is what I don't like about online dating, you're talking to someone one minute and then the next there's no one there.

 

[GK86]

^Is the messaging happening online?

If so, move away from the online being your primary took of communication. Ask them for their number and move the communication to texting.

I always ask for their number after 10-15 back and forth messages. Not to say the person couldn't go cold in-between those back and forth.

 

[B-Dubs]

Yea, its online. That was the plan if she responded, but it looks like I may have missed my shot.

 

[ReturnOfTheRAT]

In other news has anyone on POF been using the voice message feature? I sent a typed message to a woman on there and she responded and we went back and forth that way for a few, until she sent a VOICE message one night because she was bored with her Bay Area food delivery job.

Spoiler

I'd never heard of the company until she posted a pic of her wearing the uniform.

. We've sent each other 2 messages each that way now.

She says most guys don't use it and I told her she's the first one to imitate that kind of communication.

 

[davepoobond]

In other news has anyone on POF been using the voice message feature? I sent a typed message to a woman on there and she responded and we went back and forth that way for a few, until she sent a VOICE message one night because she was bored with her Bay Area food delivery job.

Spoiler

I'd never heard of the company until she posted a pic of her wearing the uniform.

. We've sent each other 2 messages each that way now.

She says most guys don't use it and I told her she's the first one to imitate that kind of communication.

i had no idea they had that.

 

[Jokab]

About what I posted on the last page:

The girl who I was originally going to trade snapchats and I are now dating advice buddies, hah. She sends me questions about what to text the guy she's seeing and I the same about the girl I'm planning on meeting for a first date on friday. Pretty fun I gotta say. Technology, huh?

 

[Rest]

Is OKC fazing out the personality tab? A few profiles that I've seen lately haven't had them, even though the user had answered lots of questions (into the hundreds.)

 

[Vaudeville Villain]

Hmm, these dating site things are odd to me. What is proper etiquette? I started a convo with a joke, got a reply back. Now what? Do I just say/ask, "nice to meet you. What are you up to?" Hmm I find myself in quite the predicament.

 

[Rest]

Hmm, these dating site things are odd to me. What is proper etiquette? I started a convo with a joke, got a reply back. Now what? Do I just say/ask, "nice to meet you. What are you up to?" Hmm I find myself in quite the predicament.

If that's your instinct, go with it. You'll find out what works for you soon enough.

 

[Palpable]

This happens far too often - me asking the questions and generally being the one seeming interested in the other person. However, many times I don't ever get asked anything in return. It's always one sided conversations where I ask them questions and they simply answer. Hell, if I didn't reply then the conversation would end there. This happens a lot with these dating apps. It's kinda frustrating. Do I take it as them not being interested or not caring or...?

Hmm, these dating site things are odd to me. What is proper etiquette? I started a convo with a joke, got a reply back. Now what? Do I just say/ask, "nice to meet you. What are you up to?" Hmm I find myself in quite the predicament.

Welcome to small-talk city.

 

[Vaudeville Villain]

If that's your instinct, go with it. You'll find out what works for you soon enough.

Cool man, thanks.

Welcome to small-talk city.

Lol, thanks for the warm welcoming!

 

[Rest]

This happens far too often - me asking the questions and generally being the one seeming interested in the other person. However, many times I don't ever get asked anything in return. It's always one sided conversations where I ask them questions and they simply answer. Hell, if I didn't reply then the conversation would end there. This happens a lot with these dating apps. It's kinda frustrating. Do I take it as them not being interested or not caring or...?

If they're not making an effort you shouldn't either.