Support NeoGAF

[Jhoan]

Meeting up with the chick I mentioned last week as "friends." I have a bit of a cold sore so even if it turns out that there is chemistry, I wouldn't make out. Not feeling too enthusiastic about it on account of not wanting to go out and spend money today (it's raining in today) but I'm sucking it up and still gonna go. I'm hoping this one of those people that ends up looking better in person again but gonna keep my expectations low and focus on having a good time.

We've been coordinating the rendezvous point these past several minutes. Suffice to say, the plan is to go bookstore hopping in the Union Square area to talk comics and what have you. I grumble and grumble but I'll be fine. Expect an afterthought post later tonight.

 

[Advocatus Diaboli]

I'm going to assume you get about 10 minutes in to Mario Kart before she wants you to stick it in her pooper.

So, an update. Let me preface this by noting that I fully understand this is crazy.

The day after our winery-dinner-friends-bar date, we went out again the following night to do schoolwork together and share a bottle of wine. She's also coming over tonight and we're going out to dinner again, as well as to relax at my place. Finally, we're going to Busch Gardens this weekend -- a 2.5-hour roadtrip with an overnight component -- to see haunted houses and rollercoasters.

We've both canceled dates with other people and told the other that we did this. We say that we like each other, openly. So, we're just going to see if things work out rather than dating around.

It's refreshing and weird and so anti-online dating.

 

[Palpable]

So, an update. Let me preface this by noting that I fully understand this is crazy.

The day after our winery-dinner-friends-bar date, we went out again the following night to do schoolwork together and share a bottle of wine. She's also coming over tonight and we're going out to dinner again, as well as to relax at my place. Finally, we're going to Busch Gardens this weekend -- a 2.5-hour roadtrip with an overnight component -- to see haunted houses and rollercoasters.

We've both canceled dates with other people and told the other that we did this. We say that we like each other, openly. So, we're just going to see if things work out rather than dating around.

It's refreshing and weird and so anti-online dating.

When you meet the right person, it doesn't matter what medium you came about finding them. Glad everything's going well for you.

 

[huxley00]

So, an update. Let me preface this by noting that I fully understand this is crazy.

The day after our winery-dinner-friends-bar date, we went out again the following night to do schoolwork together and share a bottle of wine. She's also coming over tonight and we're going out to dinner again, as well as to relax at my place. Finally, we're going to Busch Gardens this weekend -- a 2.5-hour roadtrip with an overnight component -- to see haunted houses and rollercoasters.

We've both canceled dates with other people and told the other that we did this. We say that we like each other, openly. So, we're just going to see if things work out rather than dating around.

It's refreshing and weird and so anti-online dating.

Fuck it, just roll with it, good luck and congrats : )

 

[Assanova]

Spent the majority of my night talking to the girl that I am interested in the most. It is pretty much just her now. Online dating gets a lot of flak, but if it wasn't available, I would never have found a woman like her. There is only one other girl that I clicked with as much as I click with her, and I found that girl over a decade ago and have since moved on.

 

[Assanova]

So, an update. Let me preface this by noting that I fully understand this is crazy.

The day after our winery-dinner-friends-bar date, we went out again the following night to do schoolwork together and share a bottle of wine. She's also coming over tonight and we're going out to dinner again, as well as to relax at my place. Finally, we're going to Busch Gardens this weekend -- a 2.5-hour roadtrip with an overnight component -- to see haunted houses and rollercoasters.

We've both canceled dates with other people and told the other that we did this. We say that we like each other, openly. So, we're just going to see if things work out rather than dating around.

It's refreshing and weird and so anti-online dating.

There is nothing crazy about this. Better to stake your claim than to risk losing it. You have nothing to lose.

 

[Necrovex]

So, an update. Let me preface this by noting that I fully understand this is crazy.

The day after our winery-dinner-friends-bar date, we went out again the following night to do schoolwork together and share a bottle of wine. She's also coming over tonight and we're going out to dinner again, as well as to relax at my place. Finally, we're going to Busch Gardens this weekend -- a 2.5-hour roadtrip with an overnight component -- to see haunted houses and rollercoasters.

We've both canceled dates with other people and told the other that we did this. We say that we like each other, openly. So, we're just going to see if things work out rather than dating around.

It's refreshing and weird and so anti-online dating.

Not crazy at all, considering I've crossed a country border for a first date. Sounds like you have some amazing chemistry. Glad to see dating life is treating you well. Also Busch Gardens is an amazing date site.

 

[ReturnOfTheRAT]

Some of these women sending me "Hi" on a POF.

Makes me want to jump out the fucking window.

Edit:

Changed it to at least 50+ characters. Let's see if that keeps the riff raff away.

 

[1upsuper]

I think it can work for everyone. There are all kinds of women out there and not all of them are shallow. Obviously, I am not in your situation, but I am a minority. According to all of those dating charts and statistics, minorities are not suppose to do well when it comes to online dating, yet I do much, much better than most non-minorities. The best advice I can give is to ignore what you can't control about yourself, and polish the assets that you do have.

Thank you for this. I appreciate it.

 

[Fallout-NL]

I've got a question for Online Dating-GAF. I'm a college student wanting to get more into the dating game, but I'm physically disabled and use a wheelchair. I'm not paralyzed, just not really ambulatory for a number of reasons. I spoke with my more outgoing friend about online dating who is also disabled and and he wasn't very positive about it. He seemed to think it just doesn't work well for disabled people. Obviously the best thing would be to just try it, but I was hoping to hear some immediate thoughts from some of you. Do you think the online dating scene is workable for the handicapable?

I would think it is. Just remember to not let any of it get under your skin. It simply requires a lot of patience and perseverance. Mindset is absolutely key in this game.

It is such a mental and time drain going out on dates. I am ready to just be settled and go back to my normal daily schedule.

I hear that, it nearly killed me the last time I went through it (well so to speak). Kinda gathering the courage at the moment to dive back in. I'll start once I get my house back (waiting for my ex to move out).

 

[Assanova]

Some of these women sending me "Hi" on a POF.

Makes me want to jump out the fucking window.

Edit:

Changed it to at least 50+ characters. Let's see if that keeps the riff raff away.

If that is your main concern, then I highly suggest that you switch to Match. POF is full of women who don't really care and put in very little effort. Most of the initial messages that I received from women on Match were pretty lengthy in comparison. In case you missed it, using the code "Free" gets you a free seven day trial on Match.

 

[stn]

Some of these women sending me "Hi" on a POF.

Makes me want to jump out the fucking window.

Edit:

Changed it to at least 50+ characters. Let's see if that keeps the riff raff away.

I think you're going about it the wrong way. Trust me, I also get annoyed by the daily "hi", "hey", "hey how r u", and "hey how's it goin" nonsense. But you gotta understand that its a big deal for girls to make the first move. At least if the grammar is on point then I don't mind accepting a very basic message.

 

[Jokab]

I think you're going about it the wrong way. Trust me, I also get annoyed by the daily "hi", "hey", "hey how r u", and "hey how's it goin" nonsense. But you gotta understand that its a big deal for girls to make the first move. At least if the grammar is on point then I don't mind accepting a very basic message.

Sadly, every single girl that has messaged me first are girls that I'm not interested in (yes I swipe right on everyone on Tinder, makes things easier).

 

[friday]

I had a lot of fun at my date last night. The girl was fun and easy to talk to. All we did was hangout at the bar for a few hours and then made out in her car for a minute. I will hit her up this weekend.

 

[Fallout-NL]

I had a lot of fun at my date last night. The girl was fun and easy to talk to. All we did was hangout at the bar for a few hours and then made out in her car for a minute. I will hit her up this weekend.

Sounds awesome. Nice going.

 

[Jhoan]

I ended up canning it at the last minute as in 1 hour before we were supposed to meet up. The rain was coming down pretty heavily so I was staying put and offered to reschedule.

She saw my message an hour later and didn't take it well (understandable looking it at from her shoes) that she had gotten to the meet up point, said that was rude of me to do because she could have done something else, and said that if I didn't want to meet up, I should have said so as early as possible. So yeah guys, I flaked on someone and I feel bad about it. Lesson learned: be direct with people instead of beating around the bush when rescheduling plans because chances are they're not going to get the hint. I haven't responded to her yet.

My messages with other girls dried up too but not even mad about that although I think I need to suggest a face to face meeting after 4 exchanges instead of several since that seems to be my Achillles' Heel. Oddly enough, I was so close to sending a message to one my most recent profile visitors who caught my eye... until I scrolled down her profile page and saw Seeing Someone on her Details tab. I closed the tab instantly.

 

[Gray Matter]

Fourth day of conversation now, and still evading my attempts for a date. Ball is in her court now.

 

[gaiages]

Fourth day of conversation now, and still evading my attempts for a date. Ball is in her court now.

I hope this means you'll stop talking to her then?

 

[Palpable]

I'm having like... no luck with okc/pof/tindr. Been on them for over a month now. Mostly all the same girls. Discouraging. Thinking about deleting.

 

[electricshake]

I'm having like... no luck with okc/pof/tindr. Been on them for over a month now. Mostly all the same girls. Discouraging. Thinking about deleting.

A month is nothing. I used the site on and off for 2+ (maybe even 3) years before I met my bf. And it is 1 year to the day since he messaged me!

 

[stn]

I'm having like... no luck with okc/pof/tindr. Been on them for over a month now. Mostly all the same girls. Discouraging. Thinking about deleting.

Don't delete. If you do, you get zero options. If you leave it around and use it very sparingly, there's always a chance some girl falls into your lap. If it doesn't cost you then just leave it. Just IMO.

 

[Assanova]

I'm having like... no luck with okc/pof/tindr. Been on them for over a month now. Mostly all the same girls. Discouraging. Thinking about deleting.

What does your profile look like/say? There is no way you should be going longer than a week or two before getting a date, especially if you are at least normal.

 

[Lulubop]

So, an update. Let me preface this by noting that I fully understand this is crazy.

The day after our winery-dinner-friends-bar date, we went out again the following night to do schoolwork together and share a bottle of wine. She's also coming over tonight and we're going out to dinner again, as well as to relax at my place. Finally, we're going to Busch Gardens this weekend -- a 2.5-hour roadtrip with an overnight component -- to see haunted houses and rollercoasters.

We've both canceled dates with other people and told the other that we did this. We say that we like each other, openly. So, we're just going to see if things work out rather than dating around.

It's refreshing and weird and so anti-online dating.

Good stuff man.

I, on the other had have realized that no matter how much I'm vibing with someone, I don't think I can be tied down to one person.

 

[Gray Matter]

I hope this means you'll stop talking to her then?

I've learned my lesson from when I use to put all the effort, so yes.

 

[Fallout-NL]

I'm having like... no luck with okc/pof/tindr. Been on them for over a month now. Mostly all the same girls. Discouraging. Thinking about deleting.

A month is nothing. You have to give it some more time and learn to not take it too personally (which will make said time significantly easier).

 

[Palpable]

Don't delete. If you do, you get zero options. If you leave it around and use it very sparingly, there's always a chance some girl falls into your lap. If it doesn't cost you then just leave it. Just IMO.

I see your point. I guess I can let it sit.

What does your profile look like/say? There is no way you should be going longer than a week or two before getting a date, especially if you are at least normal.

Yeah, definitely not happening. I'll PM you links to my profiles then.

A month is nothing. You have to give it some more time and learn to not take it too personally (which will make said time significantly easier).

Well I don't take any of it personal. It just seems there's a lack of options, or maybe I'm too picky.

 

[Lone_Prodigy]

If your area is large, turnover rate is pretty high. If you're not having luck, let it sit a couple weeks, go and do something else with your time, come back and message the new people.

The pros and cons of online dating are that you can pick it up and drop it whenever.

 

[Leeness]

I'm having like... no luck with okc/pof/tindr. Been on them for over a month now. Mostly all the same girls. Discouraging. Thinking about deleting.

Don't worry about it. I've had my POF for like a year and a half (and this is only the current iteration), only met two guys from this iteration (and in the...4 years I've been on and off online dating, only met four guys), etc.

Give it time.

 

[Palpable]

Part of my problem is sparking conversation other than small talk. A lot of times on tinder, I'll match with some attractive girl with little to go on from her bio. I can only comment so much on her pictures. Small talk gets boring. Part of me wants to be forward and just ask them out, but many girls don't like that. I'm sure there's a lot of shit to sift through on there end in terms of matching with a ton of people. It's shitty.

For example, recently matched with this girl. Great. She's a couple years younger than me, looks like she does fun shit, and is pretty. We've exchanged maybe 2 or 3 messages in the last 3 hours. Normally what happens is the other person loses interest and stops responding, or the convo goes nowhere. This is where I think to myself, "fuck it, I'll ask her if she wants to go out to a bar or something". If it works, great, if not, at least I tried.

 

[Advocatus Diaboli]

Good stuff man.

I, on the other had have realized that no matter how much I'm vibing with someone, I don't think I can be tied down to one person.

Yeah, she came over last night. She just left. We both called in sick today.

 

[Salamando]

Yeah, she came over last night. She just left. We both called in sick today.

Damn son. Does she have a sister?

 

[Lulubop]

Had a date with this girl I had been talking with on and off for a bit. Yo things were going amazing at the first bar we were at. It was UCB and they had like a Halloween thing going. We were super into it. I feel like I went for the kiss it would have happen but it was still early. So they closed up and she was super down to hit up another bar with me. But then it was like she just lost interest. Idk. I guess I'm fraud. I went for the kiss and shit, got it but yea. Don't think she was into it. Rip.w a s h e d u p boys

 

[davepoobond]

got this just now:

So you never kiss on the first date and you chose "often" for how much you are mean to people online. Lol. Sounds like you are kinda grumpy. I hope everything gets better for you

not sure what she's trying to accomplish here, and i'm also not sure what not kissing on the first date has to do with being grumpy. i dont even remember the question where it says how mean i am to people online.

 

[Palpable]

Okay so that shit worked. I got her number & we're both free Tues night. I... dunno where to go from here. Like a dog that caught the cat & doesn't know what the hell to do with it

 

[AcridMeat]

You...keep talk minimal, plan and more importantly go on the date?

 

[Palpable]

I dunno where to ask her out to. Dinner? Drinks?

 

[Fallout-NL]

I dunno where to ask her out to. Dinner? Drinks?

Start with drinks I guess. Though it is possible to time it just so that you can escalate drinks into dinner if both of you are enjoying it.

 

[Palpable]

Start with drinks I guess. Though it is possible to time it just so that you can escalate drinks into dinner if both of you are enjoying it.

True. I was thinking bowling as well, but I'd rather do something simple..er first.

 

[Fallout-NL]

A more 'active' date can actually work really well. I once went pooling (do you call it that? as in snooker/billiards) with a girl on a second date. The fact that you don't have to focus on making conversation the whole time, is great. As is the added dynamic of moving around the table instead of sitting still. Though yeah, maybe keep it simple for now. Save it for the second date.

 

[Assanova]

I dunno where to ask her out to. Dinner? Drinks?

It can get pricey over time, but I prefer to do dinner as a first date. I am usually never single for long anyway. I think that dinner lets you know if you're really going to click with someone or not. If you can't sit and have a conversation for forty-five or so minutes, then you're probably not going to do well in a relationship together. Just my way of seeing it.

 

[electricshake]

It can get pricey over time, but I prefer to do dinner as a first date. I am usually never single for long anyway. I think that dinner lets you know if you're really going to click with someone or not. If you can't sit and have a conversation for forty-five or so minutes, then you're probably not going to do well in a relationship together. Just my way of seeing it.

I dunno, I think dinner is a lot of pressure for a first date, especially if you've never met. I feel like the first date is a 'crazy test' so something low key like coffee or drinks (that allows you to bail out at any time, or continue on if it's going well) works better. Dinner is a good second date option though. Having said that, I did do dinner (and drinks, and a pub quiz) for me and my bfs first date so maybe it isn't that bad!

 

[Llyranor]

got this just now:




not sure what she's trying to accomplish here, and i'm also not sure what not kissing on the first date has to do with being grumpy. i dont even remember the question where it says how mean i am to people online.

Is....is she negging you?

I dunno, I think dinner is a lot of pressure for a first date, especially if you've never met. I feel like the first date is a 'crazy test' so something low key like coffee or drinks (that allows you to bail out at any time, or continue on if it's going well) works better. Dinner is a good second date option though. Having said that, I did do dinner (and drinks, and a pub quiz) for me and my bfs first date so maybe it isn't that bad!

I agree. Low-key like coffee, with optional dinner if things go well (so have a plan ready). 45min is a long time to be stuck with someone you find out you're completely incompatible with within the first 5min.

 

[Jokab]

If I've asked a girl out (twice even, she cancelled the first with a vague reschedule and then went on a trip), where the initial premise was not that we're doing to date (i.e. not Tinder or OKC or anything like that), and she says "maybe we can get together when I get back" to which I said sure let me know, then proceeds to keep initating contact several times but without bringing up the date: what do I do? Do I stop responding altogether? Do I put my foot down and ask her if she actually wants to go? I feel like I've put the ball in her court here. Now I just respond and don't keep the conversation going myself. I feel like I'm wasting my time here but I'd also really like to go on a date with her, it's just that I'd feel like a sucker for asking her the third time when she's available. Maybe she just wants attention, I'm not sure at this point.

 

[Assanova]

If I've asked a girl out (twice even, she cancelled the first with a vague reschedule and then went on a trip), where the initial premise was not that we're doing to date (i.e. not Tinder or OKC or anything like that), and she says "maybe we can get together when I get back" to which I said sure let me know, then proceeds to keep initating contact several times but without bringing up the date: what do I do? Do I stop responding altogether? Do I put my foot down and ask her if she actually wants to go? I feel like I've put the ball in her court here. Now I just respond and don't keep the conversation going myself. I feel like I'm wasting my time here but I'd also really like to go on a date with her, it's just that I'd feel like a sucker for asking her the third time when she's available.

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...

 

[Jokab]

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...

I'm not sure what advice you're giving me here.

 

[Assanova]

I'm not sure what advice you're giving me here.

In other words, stop responding. She obviously does not value your time. If she asks you why, then call her out on her BS.

 

[Llyranor]

In other words, stop responding. She obviously does not value your time. If she asks you why, then call her out on her BS.

I agree.

Either ignore her, or send one last direct succinct message (date with time/place) if you're desperate, but don't give her pointless attention.

 

[davepoobond]

Is....is she negging you?

I mean, I guess that has to be it. Choosing two random questions and somehow relating it to an unrelated conclusion, if it wasn't that, would be ringing alarm bells like crazy.

 

[gwailo]

If I've asked a girl out (twice even, she cancelled the first with a vague reschedule and then went on a trip), where the initial premise was not that we're doing to date (i.e. not Tinder or OKC or anything like that), and she says "maybe we can get together when I get back" to which I said sure let me know, then proceeds to keep initating contact several times but without bringing up the date: what do I do? Do I stop responding altogether? Do I put my foot down and ask her if she actually wants to go? I feel like I've put the ball in her court here. Now I just respond and don't keep the conversation going myself. I feel like I'm wasting my time here but I'd also really like to go on a date with her, it's just that I'd feel like a sucker for asking her the third time when she's available.

"maybe we can get together when I get back" indicates that she's really not all that interested - ie, "maybe I'll do something with you if I don't have a better option". Just move on. At best, she's wishy-washy/flaky and from my experience those sorts of women aren't worth the time and effort.

 

[NoctisVsStar]

Had a date with this girl I had been talking with on and off for a bit. Yo things were going amazing at the first bar we were at. It was UCB and they had like a Halloween thing going. We were super into it. I feel like I went for the kiss it would have happen but it was still early. So they closed up and she was super down to hit up another bar with me. But then it was like she just lost interest. Idk. I guess I'm fraud. I went for the kiss and shit, got it but yea. Don't think she was into it. Rip.w a s h e d u p boys

That Rushdown gotta play footsies before going in, feels bad man.