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Online Dating |OT| Please Respond
- Thread starter Jhoan
- Start date
Fallout-NL
Member
Well, if she is sending messages, it can't hurt to push for a meet one last time. Perhaps in a 'so are we doing this thing or what?' kind of way. If it's still no dice after that, just move on.
Gray Matter
Member
Well, much better now. She's actually trying to make the plans work, now to set a time for the date.
Alright, so this chick and I have a date mostly set up for Tuesday evening. I asked her out for drinksand she said it sounds good to her. I just need to lock in a time and place.
She sent me a text asking if I have any plans this Halloween weekend. I told her I don't and that I'm mostly working. She said she is going to a Halloween party with a few of her lady friends and then downtown. She then proceeded to ask me where I'm working that's "going to keep you". I actually swapped shifts on Halloween so I'd be working morning and not night. Thing is I don't have a costume or anything planned out because for the past week I thought I'd be working that whole evening. Should I take the inevitable invite? I dunno what to go as. Sounds like a totally random night filled with people I don't know, kinda like AD, but that worked out for him!
She sent me a text asking if I have any plans this Halloween weekend. I told her I don't and that I'm mostly working. She said she is going to a Halloween party with a few of her lady friends and then downtown. She then proceeded to ask me where I'm working that's "going to keep you". I actually swapped shifts on Halloween so I'd be working morning and not night. Thing is I don't have a costume or anything planned out because for the past week I thought I'd be working that whole evening. Should I take the inevitable invite? I dunno what to go as. Sounds like a totally random night filled with people I don't know, kinda like AD, but that worked out for him!
And exactly what do you have to lose by going?
vicissitudes
Banned
First of all, she's not that interested. That's different from "she's not interested at all", by the way. Now, that happens quite often and it's possible to turn it around if you know what you're doing. I've had girls who weren't that interested at first for whatever reason.
Broadly speaking, you can just "move on" and only go for girls who are fairly interested in you. That's one approach. However, you would be passing up on some number of girls. On one hand, passing up on girls where your chances are slim is a good way to avoid rejections - if you're afraid of that sort of thing. On the other hand, it's a good learning experience and once in a while you'll succeed.
Here are a few things you said that raised red flags for me:
"I said sure let me know"
"ask her if she actually wants to go?"
"I've put the ball in her court here"
Why are you being so passive? As the man you need to take action and let her follow. She's not going to make a move or ask you out. Here's what you should do next time:
Girl: [gets back in touch] Hey, just got back from [travels]. How was your week [or whatever]?
You: Haha pretty good. Just did [some interesting thing].
You: Let's go out now that you're back in town. When are you free this week?
Girl: [if interested] - Wednesday or Friday's good for me. You: Cool Wednesday works for me. How about drinks @ [time] @ [this place]?
[if not interested] - Mmm pretty busy this week. I got [this and this going on]. I'll let you know! You: [at this point you move on. You can text her back or not, it doesn't really matter]
Go to the Halloween party if you want to be friendzoned or seen as a bench option. Especially early on, if you go to a party with her, her priorities will be: 1. Her friends 2. The party 3. Other people and 4. you. Why put all that effort into your costume just to tag along as the sidekick?
stn
Member
Normally I'd say this is true but it depends on how he plays it. If he's willing to flirt with the other girls there and be fun, chances are the girl who invited him will be more interested. A pretty easy way to become desirable is to show that other women desire you.
vicissitudes
Banned
Yeah I was about to say, the only reason to go is if he's not that into the girl and wants a good spot to meet other girls. That'd be a good reason.
It's true that you can increase your desirability by having other girls around show interest. But it's not my preferred method. Ideally you should become attractive enough that you're desirable at all times, whereas needing other girls to flirt with you to seem desirable is far more situational.
Yeah, it ca also backfire too--not all women are gonna like seeing their 'date' walking around and flirting with other women. She may not take it in a 'oh wow women are flirting with him, he's sexy!' light, but in a 'oh wow he's flirting with them, what a lecher!' light.
Obviously both are exaggerations, but they get the point across.
Soooo... don't go? Or go? I told her the truth already, that I wasn't planning on dressing up or going out for Halloween because I was scheduled to work that night. Now that I'm working that morning instead, I'm free that night but have no costume or anything. Haven't heard back yet.
Again, what do you have to lose by going? You are thinking about this too much.
Same here man. That isn't cool, but I don't know how it works when it comes to swapping genders.
Reading what the above posters have said about it have me 2nd guessing it. She hasn't technically invited me yet, this is all hypothetical at this point.
stn
Member
Ok, honestly, here's what you do. Go to the party. Mingle with the girl you're interested in, use the time to get to know her and flirt with her. If you sense she's not reciprocating, move on and go mingle with the other girls there. She'll give you attention if she likes you.
Do you succeed? Great, congratsonthesex.gif. Do you fail? Who cares, you went to a party. Don't pay attention to other details.
Do you succeed? Great, congratsonthesex.gif. Do you fail? Who cares, you went to a party. Don't pay attention to other details.
dskillzhtown
keep your strippers out of my American football
Man, you overthink things waaaaaay too much. Just go to the party, have a good time and stop thinking about repercussions of your actions with girls you just met. Sweating the details and the "what ifs" will destroy your chances of really enjoying yourself.
Give us some details man. I need to steal some date ideas.
Without giving away too much about myself, I will just say ask questions and try to do something neither of you have done before. New experiences are key. I wouldn't recommend it on a first date, but if there is chemistry between the two of you after that, go for it.
That was unexpected. Chatting with a girl, she asked if I wanted to meet up in an hour, and we spent the afternoon walking around a park. Next date should be a lot better, now that we're more comfortable with each other.
The best date ideas come from knowing your town and knowing the girl. For the first date, coffee, drinks, and/or dinner all work. They're not the most interesting, but it allows for easy communication and each party has an easy out of things just suck. For the second date, just listen to the girl. If she says she has an interest in rock climbing, suggest an afternoon at the climbing wall. If you're both readers, head to a bookstore and have each person pick out a book they think the other should read. Stand-up comedy, holiday events, museums, drag queen brunches...the more things you know of to do with anyone, the easier you'll be able to think of something to do with the girl.
The best date ideas come from knowing your town and knowing the girl. For the first date, coffee, drinks, and/or dinner all work. They're not the most interesting, but it allows for easy communication and each party has an easy out of things just suck. For the second date, just listen to the girl. If she says she has an interest in rock climbing, suggest an afternoon at the climbing wall. If you're both readers, head to a bookstore and have each person pick out a book they think the other should read. Stand-up comedy, holiday events, museums, drag queen brunches...the more things you know of to do with anyone, the easier you'll be able to think of something to do with the girl.
Jason's Ultimatum
Member
Huh, so uh, this is a new one.
I match with a girl, and she says hi. No profile either. I ask her if she's a bot. She then asks what I'm looking for on tinder. Ok, maybe she's not a bot. Then she says she wants to hook up because her boyfriend has erectile dysfunction. She gives me her email to set up a time.
Now I'm hesistant. I ask if her bf saw a doctor, and etc. I check my phone later and she unmatched me.
Was she a bot? Seriously, I dont want to be murdered.
I match with a girl, and she says hi. No profile either. I ask her if she's a bot. She then asks what I'm looking for on tinder. Ok, maybe she's not a bot. Then she says she wants to hook up because her boyfriend has erectile dysfunction. She gives me her email to set up a time.
Now I'm hesistant. I ask if her bf saw a doctor, and etc. I check my phone later and she unmatched me.
Was she a bot? Seriously, I dont want to be murdered.
Bot. Got that one before. Probably banned.
Jason's Ultimatum
Member
Man. They're getting elaborate, aren't they?
I got that one before. I thought it was weird (since the three pictures, while burry, they all look different). I looked it up, the bot/person tries to get you to sign up for some site, that requires a credit card. The site charges you and makes it a pain to cancel/remove the card.
You dodged a bullet.
You dodged a bullet.
davepoobond
you can't put a price on sparks
usually if they say they cant use tinder or to email them (lol) then its a bot.
Fallout-NL
Member
Man, you'd have to be really desperate for a date to fall for that shit.
BladeoftheImmortal
Member
Don't talk about your last relationship!!!
I have mixed feelings about this. Of course you shouldn't do it on your first date, but if you're both mature, I feel like it can help you get a better understanding of where the other person is coming from. As long as you don't constantly do it and drag on about it, I think it can be a healthy thing for the both of you to talk about at some point.
Interface23
Member
got dumped by a girl I met online 9 years ago after a 7 year long distance relationship. She "thought of me more as a really great friend instead of a boyfriend". We all know what that actually means but it stings bad...
Gray Matter
Member
What? You've been dating long distance for SEVEN YEARS?!
Interface23
Member
Not super long distance, like maybe an hour and a half and technically a country between us.
NoctisVsStar
Member
.........................
90mins isn't long distance
I live a 45min drive from my gf and we live in the same city.
Interface23
Member
Eh, it's more the fact that she lives in Canada and myself in the US is why I classified it as such, but I'm 99% sure she found someone that lives in her city so yea. It's unfortunate and I'm kinda bummed. Sure I'll get over it in time though...
still, you can easily see each other a couple times a week, so it's not really long-distance. then it's an entire different problem.
War Peaceman
You're a big guy.
I know people with a 90minute commute. That isn't long distance. It is inconvenient distance.
But more importantly, sorry to hear about the end of your relationship. Time to get back out there
But more importantly, sorry to hear about the end of your relationship. Time to get back out there
Interface23
Member
I know people with a 90minute commute. That isn't long distance. It is inconvenient distance.
But more importantly, sorry to hear about the end of your relationship. Time to get back out there
Yea, thanks. It happens, just going to work on myself for a while and not think about it. If she decides to come around I may give it another go but I refuse to be anyone's second choice.
Am I missing something? Why would it be a bad thing that he was in a long distance relationship for that long (before he made mention of the time distance. Which really isn't a LDR)?
He didn't you you guys any context of the relationship, so what am I missing that you guys seemed to judge it so harshly?
He didn't you you guys any context of the relationship, so what am I missing that you guys seemed to judge it so harshly?
davepoobond
you can't put a price on sparks
i think its probably, if it mattered that much he would have moved to her or she to him.
Woah bruhs, why's a 7 year LDR (arguing the logistics of the LDR aside) really a bad thing? Seems a bit of an overreaction imo, especially since I'm assuming they saw each other a lot.
That would make sense (unless there's some weird circumstance like going to different schools), but no one else was really explaining their reason for it
That would make sense (unless there's some weird circumstance like going to different schools), but no one else was really explaining their reason for it
Interface23
Member
Immigration is kinda hard. Like ridiculously so.
Gray Matter
Member
No replies in 2 days from my latest tinder match. We texted all week and I think I was close to finally setting up a date, but I guess not. Oh well, let's see if she replies, if not on to the next one.
War Peaceman
You're a big guy.
Good attitude and good luck to you!
I think LDRs are generally seen as being a temporary step (Gone to uni/abroad for a year/will be moving closer soon) rather than a permanent fixture.
davepoobond
you can't put a price on sparks
"immigration is hard that's why i didn't get married to someone i love" would make a great movie plot
basically, the sarcasm alludes back to the previous statement. "If it mattered..."
Date tonight went really well. We were set to watch a popular episodic TV drama that is popular here at her place. Turns out we have incredibly similar tastes in music also, after I heard her playing John Mayer's In Your Atmosphere from her Spotify playlist. Intense discussions ensued. When I was leaving I pulled her in and we made out, also quite intensely. I like this girl.