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Online Dating |OT| Please Respond

I

Interface23

Member
davepoobond said:
"immigration is hard that's why i didn't get married to someone i love" would make a great movie plot


basically, the sarcasm alludes back to the previous statement. "If it mattered..."
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No, I understand where you're coming from. Rather immigrating is hard for me personally because I have a mild form of Cerebral Palsy so immigration thinks of me as a burden on their country. It's not for lack of trying. It's just unfortunate and sucks.
 
I

Interface23

Member
Jokab said:
Date tonight went really well. We were set to watch a popular episodic TV drama that is popular here at her place. Turns out we have incredibly similar tastes in music also, after I heard her playing John Mayer's In Your Atmosphere from her Spotify playlist. Intense discussions ensued. When I was leaving I pulled her in and we made out, also quite intensely. I like this girl.
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Good for you my friend, good for you. I hope everything works out amazingly for you.
 
Saiyan-Rox

Saiyan-Rox

Member
Been doing this for a few years now and not even got a date out of it so far :/

This year I managed to get a reply from someone (current reply total = 1) and she just vanished after 2 replies.

Don't think this is going to work for me :( I dunno what it is about me that people don't like when it comes to dating etc. 2 of my closest mates are girls so it's not that I can't get along with them I just don't get what the issue is ><

Bloody 25 and never so much as had a date or anything and feel so sad about it.
 
G

gaiages

Banned
Rox598 said:
Been doing this for a few years now and not even got a date out of it so far :/

This year I managed to get a reply from someone (current reply total = 1) and she just vanished after 2 replies.

Don't think this is going to work for me :( I dunno what it is about me that people don't like when it comes to dating etc. 2 of my closest mates are girls so it's not that I can't get along with them I just don't get what the issue is ><

Bloody 25 and never so much as had a date or anything and feel so sad about it.
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What's your profile look like? Your pics? What do you say? Where do you live? How many women do you message? There could be so many factors that make it harder to be successful at online dating.
 
Saiyan-Rox

Saiyan-Rox

Member
gaiages said:
What's your profile look like? Your pics? What do you say? Where do you live? How many women do you message? There could be so many factors that make it harder to be successful at online dating.
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I update my profile really when things change for me (which hasn't been often) It says what I'm into and who I am pretty well really. I updated my profile pictures just recently to more clear ones (full body and a head shot type thing of me beside a Terminator skull lol)

When it comes to how many I message and what I message it depends really. I always have issues when it comes to sending a message as I always think there's no point, they'll not like me etc ( I have a really bad self hate issue along with having a problem finding things to talk about and anxiety) and so far the only people I've messaged are people who's profiles are from people I genuinely think i'd get on with which I guess is what it's all about. So when it's someone who's interests are the same as mine I always ask them about it and then some general questions really to try and start a conversation. I have never just sent a "hi" message. I always no matter what run out of things to say though and I hate it.

Oh and I'm in the UK. Due to my Anxiety i'm not usually invited out with my friends because they'll know I won't go so I don't really see them anymore so I have very little to talk about or anything cause I literally go to work and that's it.
 
A

AcridMeat

Banned
Rox598 said:
Oh and I'm in the UK. Due to my Anxiety i'm not usually invited out with my friends because they'll know I won't go so I don't really see them anymore so I have very little to talk about or anything cause I literally go to work and that's it.
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So this is the reason online dating isn't going to work. If your anxiety is preventing you from hanging out with people you know and like, going out and meeting strangers isn't going to yield positive results.

Spend some time getting comfortable being out and about. Try a new hobby, go to an art course at night, join a recreational sports team. Anything to get you out and make new connections with people. Hope this helps.
 
Lashley

Lashley

Why does he wear the mask!?
Rox598 said:
I update my profile really when things change for me (which hasn't been often) It says what I'm into and who I am pretty well really. I updated my profile pictures just recently to more clear ones (full body and a head shot type thing of me beside a Terminator skull lol)

When it comes to how many I message and what I message it depends really. I always have issues when it comes to sending a message as I always think there's no point, they'll not like me etc ( I have a really bad self hate issue along with having a problem finding things to talk about and anxiety) and so far the only people I've messaged are people who's profiles are from people I genuinely think i'd get on with which I guess is what it's all about. So when it's someone who's interests are the same as mine I always ask them about it and then some general questions really to try and start a conversation. I have never just sent a "hi" message. I always no matter what run out of things to say though and I hate it.

Oh and I'm in the UK. Due to my Anxiety i'm not usually invited out with my friends because they'll know I won't go so I don't really see them anymore so I have very little to talk about or anything cause I literally go to work and that's it.
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Wow, that's some shitty friends.
 
Saiyan-Rox

Saiyan-Rox

Member
AcridMeat said:
So this is the reason online dating isn't going to work. If your anxiety is preventing you from hanging out with people you know and like, going out and meeting strangers isn't going to yield positive results.

Spend some time getting comfortable being out and about. Try a new hobby, go to an art course at night, join a recreational sports team. Anything to get you out and make new connections with people. Hope this helps.
Click to expand...

It doesn't happen all the time it's mainly when it's to a club or some other place with shit loads of people I can't really handle. I don't drink much as it has a tendency to set my IBS off as i'm stressed out with the environment and the alcohol makes it worse. When it comes to messaging people I never do mention any of that or say anything against myself in the message even as a joke as I know that's a no no.

Lashley said:
Wow, that's some shitty friends.
Click to expand...

It's not like they don't talk to me or anything (I will say these are work mates btw I have 2 very close Girl mates but I don't see them very often since one moved away and the other is just so busy with her life atm so I see her every couple of months) but yeah if the guys in work go out together with their friends i'm not usually invited.

I feel like i've de-railed this thread, sorry guys.
 
G

gaiages

Banned
Rox598 said:
I update my profile really when things change for me (which hasn't been often) It says what I'm into and who I am pretty well really. I updated my profile pictures just recently to more clear ones (full body and a head shot type thing of me beside a Terminator skull lol)

When it comes to how many I message and what I message it depends really. I always have issues when it comes to sending a message as I always think there's no point, they'll not like me etc ( I have a really bad self hate issue along with having a problem finding things to talk about and anxiety) and so far the only people I've messaged are people who's profiles are from people I genuinely think i'd get on with which I guess is what it's all about. So when it's someone who's interests are the same as mine I always ask them about it and then some general questions really to try and start a conversation. I have never just sent a "hi" message. I always no matter what run out of things to say though and I hate it.

Oh and I'm in the UK. Due to my Anxiety i'm not usually invited out with my friends because they'll know I won't go so I don't really see them anymore so I have very little to talk about or anything cause I literally go to work and that's it.
Click to expand...

Yeah I agree your friends are pretty rude for not at least inviting you.

But from what you've said, your anxiety issues (which you'll have to work on) seems to be your biggest set-back. And I thought I remember someone saying that not all of the online dating apps are really popular in the UK? Not really sure though.
 
A

Advocatus Diaboli

Member
So, this past 7 days have been a complete and utter whirlwind.

I already posted about the girl I'm dating and how we called out Thursday to stay in bed. I picked her up Friday for our vacation to Busch Gardens. I've known her less than a week. The weekend went incredibly well. I dropped her off Sunday, but she came over last night to spend the night (and bring her dog), and this morning we worked out before she went to the lab to do research. (She's a doctoral student.)

One more highlight, which adds a really interesting gloss on this: last night we met a friend of hers for a drink. They do fetish stuff together. She mentioned setting it up, and I was all for it. I'm trying to figure out if this is verging towards an open relationship; I suspect that it is. I can't believe it's only been eight days now. On a scale of 1 to batshit, this is somewhere towards the latter, I think.
 
J

Jokab

Member
Advocatus Diaboli said:
So, this past 7 days have been a complete and utter whirlwind.

I already posted about the girl I'm dating and how we called out Thursday to stay in bed. I picked her up Friday for our vacation to Busch Gardens. I've known her less than a week. The weekend went incredibly well. I dropped her off Sunday, but she came over last night to spend the night (and bring her dog), and this morning we worked out before she went to the lab to do research. (She's a doctoral student.)

One more highlight, which adds a really interesting gloss on this: last night we met a friend of hers for a drink. They do fetish stuff together. She mentioned setting it up, and I was all for it. I'm trying to figure out if this is verging towards an open relationship; I suspect that it is. I can't believe it's only been eight days now. On a scale of 1 to batshit, this is somewhere towards the latter, I think.
Click to expand...

Keep us posted, cowboy.
 
S

Salamando

Member
Advocatus Diaboli said:
So, this past 7 days have been a complete and utter whirlwind.

I already posted about the girl I'm dating and how we called out Thursday to stay in bed. I picked her up Friday for our vacation to Busch Gardens. I've known her less than a week. The weekend went incredibly well. I dropped her off Sunday, but she came over last night to spend the night (and bring her dog), and this morning we worked out before she went to the lab to do research. (She's a doctoral student.)

One more highlight, which adds a really interesting gloss on this: last night we met a friend of hers for a drink. They do fetish stuff together. She mentioned setting it up, and I was all for it. I'm trying to figure out if this is verging towards an open relationship; I suspect that it is. I can't believe it's only been eight days now. On a scale of 1 to batshit, this is somewhere towards the latter, I think.
Click to expand...

Fetish stuff is a big umbrella. Are we talking she likes to have hooks inserted into her body which she is then suspended from? She likes to be collared and taken on walkies? Or something simple like being tied up and teased mercilessly?
 
H

huxley00

Member
Advocatus Diaboli said:
So, this past 7 days have been a complete and utter whirlwind.

I already posted about the girl I'm dating and how we called out Thursday to stay in bed. I picked her up Friday for our vacation to Busch Gardens. I've known her less than a week. The weekend went incredibly well. I dropped her off Sunday, but she came over last night to spend the night (and bring her dog), and this morning we worked out before she went to the lab to do research. (She's a doctoral student.)

One more highlight, which adds a really interesting gloss on this: last night we met a friend of hers for a drink. They do fetish stuff together. She mentioned setting it up, and I was all for it. I'm trying to figure out if this is verging towards an open relationship; I suspect that it is. I can't believe it's only been eight days now. On a scale of 1 to batshit, this is somewhere towards the latter, I think.
Click to expand...
So does the open relationship idea upset your or are you just taking it for what it is? Sounds like you guys are really hitting it off, just wondering if you're feeling somewhat bummed if you were looking for marriage/LTR type of thing.
 
A

Advocatus Diaboli

Member
huxley00 said:
So does the open relationship idea upset your or are you just taking it for what it is? Sounds like you guys are really hitting it off, just wondering if you're feeling somewhat bummed if you were looking for marriage/LTR type of thing.
Click to expand...

I'm taking it for what it is, fully knowing that there's a possibility it won't work out. I had a long-term monogamous relationship, and adding spice in a controlled fashion is something that I'm theoretically alright with. Then again, it's been a week: she and I aren't in a relationship yet (although, honestly, we agree there's a very strong emotional and romantic connection), so... we'll see. I don't want to be premature!
 
B

Blackquill

Member
Still not a lot of matches and not even a lot of responses but now I got a date this thursday. First Tinder date, curious to see how this will turn out.
 
Gray Matter

Gray Matter

Member
I have, once again entered into the emotional dark hole that is caused by online dating. I don't know why I keep doing this to myself.

Every time I return I do everything "right", but it never works out.
 
karasu

karasu

Member
A girl offered to sit on my face tonight. She said 'You play pinocchio and start telling me lies." I am in shock.
 
L

Lone_Prodigy

Member
karasu said:
A girl offered to sit on my face tonight. She said 'You play pinocchio and start telling me lies." I am in shock.
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I've had "do you like whales? Let's go back to your place and hump."

Assanova said:
There are some pretty insightful findings in this Ted talk:

http://www.ted.com/talks/hannah_fry_the_mathematics_of_love?language=en

It turns out, being the most attractive guy doesn't get you the most messages. It is well worth a listen.
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I think the same applies to the most attractive girls. Average guys think they have zero chance so they don't bother.
 
A

AcridMeat

Banned
girl-are-you-a-zero-apr-loan.jpg


This is my favorite pick up line I've ever seen
 
D

Demon Lizardman

Banned
God, for some reason I now have a thing for darker skinned or tan skin girls right now. Been finding some around my area on tinder, wish me luck. I have been having a shit ton of matches right now.
 
J

Jokab

Member
If there's anything online dating has taught me, it is to be way more comfortable around women. I used to be pretty nervous over the fact of meeting a woman alone, but now I barely break a sweat when going on a first date. Conversation is often natural which is something I have improved as well. I'm still working on getting better at making "moves". I eventually do, but I think I can manage them earlier.
 
A

Assanova

Member
I think that I am done with online dating for the time being. I have been talking to one girl for hours and hours each day. We have really hit it off, it seems. I don't really see any other woman that could realistically be a better fit for me.

Jokab said:
If there's anything online dating has taught me, it is to be way more comfortable around women. I used to be pretty nervous over the fact of meeting a woman alone, but now I barely break a sweat when going on a first date. Conversation is often natural which is something I have improved as well. I'm still working on getting better at making "moves". I eventually do, but I think I can manage them earlier.
Click to expand...

Yep, it is incredible for building your social skills with meeting the opposite sex for the first time. It is why I always did dinner dates for the first date.
 
J

Jokab

Member
Yeah I have actually exclusively done coffee for first dates. They have always worked well when there has been some kind of chemistry. If there isn't, then obviously the date won't be good, but then again it wouldn't have been in any other setting either, I suppose.
 
G

GK86

Homeland Security Fail
"The opening lines that worked, were often extremely flat but to the point. One that seemed to work was just "wanna smash"."


Brb.
 
S

Salamando

Member
Having a second date tonight with one girl, and a first date tomorrow with another! It's good to be back in the game.

Assanova said:
New Tinder study:

http://www.girlsaskguys.com/sexual-behavior/a22977-girls-on-tinder-do-smash-a-lot

I'm too lazy to post the results, but in short, the women are having a lot of sex. Also, I am not sure how legit that site is.
Click to expand...

That is a shit article that doesn't pass a single element of scientific diligence. Anonymous author with no mention of the backgrounds of the respondents or how they were found (we asked random people if they used Tinder vs we put out an open call for Tinder users)? That doesn't cut it.
 
A

Assanova

Member
Salamando said:
Having a second date tonight with one girl, and a first date tomorrow with another! It's good to be back in the game.



That is a shit article that doesn't pass a single element of scientific diligence. Anonymous author with no mention of the backgrounds of the respondents or how they were found (we asked random people if they used Tinder vs we put out an open call for Tinder users)? That doesn't cut it.
Click to expand...

Calm down. It is not that serious, however, it does seem to be in line with what I have been reading so far in this thread. It looks like most guys are starving on Tinder, and a select few are feasting.
 
A

Advocatus Diaboli

Member
Assanova said:
I think that I am done with online dating for the time being. I have been talking to one girl for hours and hours each day. We have really hit it off, it seems. I don't really see any other woman that could realistically be a better fit for me.
Click to expand...

Congrats! I feel the same. I suppose I'll head over to the "regular" dating thread now. I guess I should deactivate my OKC account, but I'll just continue to not log in -- 2 months from now, if things implode, reading the messages will be interesting.
 
J

Jhoan

Member
The Mexican girl I saw casually two months ago was lurking on my profile 2 days ago. Dunno how I feel about it but I will say that I have moved on. I guess I'll shoot her a message and say hi at the very least. I don't get modern romance sometimes. -_("/)_/-
 
S

Salamando

Member
Assanova said:
Calm down. It is not that serious, however, it does seem to be in line with what I have been reading so far in this thread. It looks like most guys are starving on Tinder, and a select few are feasting.
Click to expand...

Heh, sorry. You spend all day reading academic papers, you'll peer review anything that attempts to draw conclusions from data.


Anyway, second date with a girl tonight. We had dinner, she suggests we head back to her place, we start making out, and she invites me to spend the night. I said no. I just don't find her that interesting a person. The conversation sucks and she either doesn't do anything or just has nothing to talk about. After the first date I thought maybe she needed to relax and get to know me before she opened up, but with the things she was willing to do, she was apparently plenty comfortable.

I feel crazy for turning down a meal in a "feast or famine" world, but it was def. the right move.
 
P

Palpable

Member
This 18 year old (still in high school), who just so happens to be extremely pretty and not ditsy at all, has matched with me on tinder and we're talking about setting up a meet. Good idea or bad idea (I'm in my mid 20's)?
 
J

Jokab

Member
Infinity Patriot said:
This 18 year old (still in high school), who just so happens to be extremely pretty and not ditsy at all, has matched with me on tinder and we're talking about setting up a meet. Good idea or bad idea (I'm in my mid 20's)?
Click to expand...

If you're looking for a relationship I could see such a big age difference (especially since she's still in HS) be a problem unless you have some really amazing chemistry. If you're just looking to bang, then who cares?
 
J

Jokab

Member
Went on one of the dates that I had scheduled that I was considering cancelling. Definitely had a good time (3,5 hours at a cafe, wtf?) but despite the length I don't think I will see her again, didn't click enough I think. Considering just asking her for netflix and chill, because she was cute and had a great body. How do you go about that? Just shoot her "I had a great time, wanna come over to my place for chill on day X"? Never even tried that hah.

Also she straight up paid for the coffee and tea? I was so surprised when she asked me "do you know what you're having" and I told her, and she just said "I'll take it". Never ever had a girl pay for me (I always split), so I just went along with it. Felt really weird since she is a student like me, so her financial situation is almost identical to mine.
 
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