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Online Dating |OT| Please Respond
- Thread starter Jhoan
- Start date
There's two ways to approach this. Yours is the wrong one. Using online dating failures as a measure of self worth is not the way to go. What you should do is ask for someone to critique your pics (the problem is always the pics), and utilize their advice.Been trying to use Tinder for a bit now. Haven't gotten a match up since doing it.
I think that says something about me.
Lone_Prodigy
Member
Going to take a break from this. Already cut my Tinder usage down to logging in once a day, super liking someone, and then quitting.
If anyone wants to take a look at my OKC profile, PM me and I'll send you a link.
If anyone wants to take a look at my OKC profile, PM me and I'll send you a link.
31, out of a 3 year relationship as of about 3 months ago and just started using Tinder for the first time. Shit is WEIRD. Not even sure how to start engaging with people who don't show any interests and stuff. Never been the goofy pickup line type of person either. Shit is weird.
If they match with you then you know there is some level of interest. Just be weary of bots.
Just open with something to do with their bio or something from their pictures. If all else fails, just use a shitty pick-up line. I made up my own which tends to get laughs out of women. "Have you ever wanted a man fine enough to warm you up leftover pizza along with the microwave know-how to support the endeavor? Hi, I'm [name]"
Last two tinder women I met and went on first dates with, but didn't click, I texted them if they wanted to come over for some drinks and a movie. Then worked out the details.
There was nothing for me to lose by straight up asking, since I doubt I would have gone out a second time.
BlitzEngineer
Member
So I recently moved to a city and state I have literally never been to before, and therefore know 0 people. I've struck out with Tinder down here so I've incorporated OKC and am so far enjoying it much more. Consider me a rookie trying to learn the ropes of this stuff.
My strategy so far is to just browse people with high match percentages, and if I like their profile and they are close I send them a like and move on. Once I have a list of likes at least a dozen deep I go through and send one or two messages to each, usually a question about their music tastes or something, and add in that I'm new here and really need someone to show me around. Then move on until I run out of likes and repeat. Does this sound healthy?
I've only had like three conversations so far, one of which has promise although she seems sort of timid when it comes to sharing other contact info and or meeting. Prolly sent around 25 messages out. Is that a typical response rate or should I be worried about my pics?
Also, if I see that I get a visit from someone I've sent a message to but they don't respond, is it safe to assume they considered me and chose to ignore the message? Should I ever follow up without a response?
Finally, the only Likes I've gotten are from the girls I've chatted with. Should I be getting likes more passively? My pictures probably aren't super great but they're not bad either. I'll probably post the profile at some point for critiques. (You can tell I really need to meet people...being alone in a new city kinda rough)
My strategy so far is to just browse people with high match percentages, and if I like their profile and they are close I send them a like and move on. Once I have a list of likes at least a dozen deep I go through and send one or two messages to each, usually a question about their music tastes or something, and add in that I'm new here and really need someone to show me around. Then move on until I run out of likes and repeat. Does this sound healthy?
I've only had like three conversations so far, one of which has promise although she seems sort of timid when it comes to sharing other contact info and or meeting. Prolly sent around 25 messages out. Is that a typical response rate or should I be worried about my pics?
Also, if I see that I get a visit from someone I've sent a message to but they don't respond, is it safe to assume they considered me and chose to ignore the message? Should I ever follow up without a response?
Finally, the only Likes I've gotten are from the girls I've chatted with. Should I be getting likes more passively? My pictures probably aren't super great but they're not bad either. I'll probably post the profile at some point for critiques. (You can tell I really need to meet people...being alone in a new city kinda rough)
Don't ever repeat message someone. If they viewed your profile after you sent them a message, it means they're not interested.
Fallout-NL
Member
Man, I had forgotten that wave of desperation that just washes over you once the first twelve hours have elapsed (without response) after sending a message. I know it's all part of the game, but dear god, does it still get to me .
I met this girl in RL though. Was at a concert in Brussels on Wednesday (from Leiden myself, which is a 2 hour ride from there, in the Netherlands), with a (male) friend. This girl (really cute, excellent taste in music, she was at a Destroyer concert) sat down next to us and she was alone. Which was interesting in itself. Don't see that very often. She actually started talking to me after the concert. I then asked her if she wanted to join us for a drink at the bar. Talked for about an hour I think. My friend wandered off a couple of times to give me a couple of minutes alone every now and then. During one such moment she asked me whether I had any brothers or sisters. Told her I had a younger brother. She then told me she had an older sister that was already married with a couple of kids. And that "she had checked all of life's boxes already", implying I guess that she still hadn't.
So yeah, we exchanged cards. Figuring I wasn't going to randomly run into her a second time, I sent her a message yesterday (through facebook, ugh) saying that I had a really great time and that I would love to see her again. Too forward maybe.
I'll let you guys know, but it feels kinda like a swing and a miss already. Hoping it's not, would give anything to avoid the living hell that is online dating, haha.
.I met this girl in RL though. Was at a concert in Brussels on Wednesday (from Leiden myself, which is a 2 hour ride from there, in the Netherlands), with a (male) friend. This girl (really cute, excellent taste in music, she was at a Destroyer concert) sat down next to us and she was alone. Which was interesting in itself. Don't see that very often. She actually started talking to me after the concert. I then asked her if she wanted to join us for a drink at the bar. Talked for about an hour I think. My friend wandered off a couple of times to give me a couple of minutes alone every now and then. During one such moment she asked me whether I had any brothers or sisters. Told her I had a younger brother. She then told me she had an older sister that was already married with a couple of kids. And that "she had checked all of life's boxes already", implying I guess that she still hadn't.
So yeah, we exchanged cards. Figuring I wasn't going to randomly run into her a second time, I sent her a message yesterday (through facebook, ugh) saying that I had a really great time and that I would love to see her again. Too forward maybe.
I'll let you guys know, but it feels kinda like a swing and a miss already. Hoping it's not, would give anything to avoid the living hell that is online dating, haha.
Don't bother with these types of people. They will probably never want to meet IRL. You should try to get away from the dating app/site as soon as possible, get their numbers within the first few messages and then contact them via that to set up a date. If they pull "it's too soon" or "I want to get to know you more" bail out. Again, those sorts will usually always flake out and are a waste of your time.
I agree. If they don't want to go on a neutral safe low-pressure coffee date with you, and use excuses like 'I want to get to know you first' or 'I want to take things slow', they are not interested in meeting.
The point of the first date is to get to know the other person.
How can you go slower than meeting for just one date?
The point of the first date is to get to know the other person.
How can you go slower than meeting for just one date?
Even if you do eventually meet-up, know that you were plan b. The only reason you're even meeting up is because something didn't go as planned with the guy ahead of you.
Things seem successfully ended with the girl who I had a second date with on Tuesday. Just wasn't nearly as interested in her as she was with me (as documented in dating thread).
Not getting my hopes up about the girl I met yesterday. We got coffee, went for a walk, got her number, but things ended with a handshake. Sent her a text today...if she replies, great, if she doesn't, I'll live.
New profile seems to be working. My lead profile pic is something Assanova would be proud of (i think), and I have a good hook that's gotten girls to message me first.
Fake Edit: Girl I met yesterday responded! Date next week is a go!
Not getting my hopes up about the girl I met yesterday. We got coffee, went for a walk, got her number, but things ended with a handshake. Sent her a text today...if she replies, great, if she doesn't, I'll live.
New profile seems to be working. My lead profile pic is something Assanova would be proud of (i think), and I have a good hook that's gotten girls to message me first.
Fake Edit: Girl I met yesterday responded! Date next week is a go!
Fallout-NL
Member
Most excellent Salamando.
Talked to this 19 year old girl a week ago, conversation died. She put up a moment today, liked it and shot her a message. We ended up talking and eventually we are both dtf. But not before meeting for coffee she says, and suggests tomorrow. I'm like ok let's do it. Then she goes oh btw I'm 17 (profile said 19) is that ok? How does this keep happening to me? Age of consent here is 15 so it's fine and all, just weird how it keeps happening lol
Yep, once you figure out how to get them to message you, you've got it made. Just sit back and let them come to you.
There are certain things that you shouldn't post online. This is one of them. Regardless of if you go through with it or not, if anyone important links you to this post, it could not end well. If I were you, I would remove the second half of this post.
I'm not sure what you're saying. As I said, the age of consent in my country is 15, so me having sex with someone of the age I posted wouldn't be strange at all. Why would that not go down well for me?
Honestly I have no idea normally, just ask I guess? This time I jokingly said I was gonna quit school, and she said yeah, the meaning of life is not school it's get rich and fuck bitches. I said oh yeah you like to fuck bitches and then it went from there.
Fallout-NL
Member
Subtle. I like it.
Ah, I missed that you weren't from America. If you were to even think of dating a girl under 18 in America, it could look really, really, bad. But yeah, I totally missed that you were from another country.
Hah yeah, very indeed.
No worries man, I figured that was the reason you were concerned.
In other news, the girl I wrote about earlier whom I didn't click with (I told her this just now) is down to chill (I used this exact word when I suggested it) at my place at some point. Doing good now.
TerminalDogma
Member
This is a cross post from the regular Dating-age OT, but it applies here just as much there, so I'm posting it here as well.
Hey guys, I came here for advice months back (and I've lurked for years, since Combine times). I hadn't been in a relationship (or really even on a date) since like 2007. Started up OKCupid/POF/Tinder back in February and I went on a decent amount of dates pretty steadily. I'd say about 10 total, until I met someone in June. It was pretty great, but didn't last. We broke up about a month ago now, and I think I'm ready to jump back into the dating scene (we weren't together very long, but it was my first relationship in years and I needed some time to get over it, I suppose.)
I first wanted to say that everyone who comes here for advice, listen to what these guys (and gals) are telling you. It works. Seriously. I'd also recommend people who are a little too nervous to ask anyone out in day to day life to try online dating. If anything just to get over that initial hump of talking to girls and asking them out. I've messaged and spoke with so many women at this point that I no longer have a fear of asking someone out. I haven't met anyone offline ye that I'd want to ask out, but that fear is gone. Just message some girls online, meet up for coffee/tea. That's it, don't do anything else. Go in with the attitude that you are just meeting up to MEET someone, just to see if you and their personality vibe well together. If they do, GREAT! Move onto a second date. Out of all the dates I've been on this year, only two I actually wanted a second date from. One of which I went on to have a relationship with. It's no big deal if nothing comes from the first date. At least you got out and met someone, and interacted with them. You'll learn from each date.
I also wanted to see if anyone was interested in critiquing my OKC profile. I used to have a longer one, but honestly I noticed I got far more dates from Tinder and POF where I barely had a profile. Both Tinder and POF I just have the opening two paragraphs from my OKC as my entire profile. I probably need work with my pictures, I understand they aren't the best, but let me know if any of them are outright horrible and what could be worked on. Hell, that goes for my whole profile in general. https://www.okcupid.com/profile/PatG_26?cf=profile That is the link, please let me know if I linked it wrong.
Thanks Dating-GAF! You helped a whole lot throughout the years, not just with dating, but with helping me crawl out of my mostly shy shell. There were other factors, as well, but these threads were always good to read and help with that.
Hey guys, I came here for advice months back (and I've lurked for years, since Combine times). I hadn't been in a relationship (or really even on a date) since like 2007. Started up OKCupid/POF/Tinder back in February and I went on a decent amount of dates pretty steadily. I'd say about 10 total, until I met someone in June. It was pretty great, but didn't last. We broke up about a month ago now, and I think I'm ready to jump back into the dating scene (we weren't together very long, but it was my first relationship in years and I needed some time to get over it, I suppose.)
I first wanted to say that everyone who comes here for advice, listen to what these guys (and gals) are telling you. It works. Seriously. I'd also recommend people who are a little too nervous to ask anyone out in day to day life to try online dating. If anything just to get over that initial hump of talking to girls and asking them out. I've messaged and spoke with so many women at this point that I no longer have a fear of asking someone out. I haven't met anyone offline ye that I'd want to ask out, but that fear is gone. Just message some girls online, meet up for coffee/tea. That's it, don't do anything else. Go in with the attitude that you are just meeting up to MEET someone, just to see if you and their personality vibe well together. If they do, GREAT! Move onto a second date. Out of all the dates I've been on this year, only two I actually wanted a second date from. One of which I went on to have a relationship with. It's no big deal if nothing comes from the first date. At least you got out and met someone, and interacted with them. You'll learn from each date.
I also wanted to see if anyone was interested in critiquing my OKC profile. I used to have a longer one, but honestly I noticed I got far more dates from Tinder and POF where I barely had a profile. Both Tinder and POF I just have the opening two paragraphs from my OKC as my entire profile. I probably need work with my pictures, I understand they aren't the best, but let me know if any of them are outright horrible and what could be worked on. Hell, that goes for my whole profile in general. https://www.okcupid.com/profile/PatG_26?cf=profile That is the link, please let me know if I linked it wrong.
Thanks Dating-GAF! You helped a whole lot throughout the years, not just with dating, but with helping me crawl out of my mostly shy shell. There were other factors, as well, but these threads were always good to read and help with that.
User 479360
Banned
I surprisingly matched with two girls on Tinder tonight. One sent the first message -- the first time that's ever happened -- and then asked me what I'm looking for.
The second one told me she wants my fatbeard and I had no idea of how to respond, so I just said ok.
The second one told me she wants my fatbeard and I had no idea of how to respond, so I just said ok.
TerminalDogma
Member
That first one is probably a bot. If she asks you to email her it's def a bot that I've gotten twice before.
User 479360
Banned
I haven't checked, but it doesn't seem like a bot.
I got a bot the other day, though. Wanted $1 to prove I was a human and watch her cam. It spammed about 10 messages in 2 minutes. Deleted it quickly.
User 479360
Banned
She did ask me to email her. Said she's looking for a hook-up because her boyfriend can't have sex due to ED.
That lady's a bigger bot than Optimus Prime
User 479360
Banned
Seems that way, unfortunately. Oh well. I'm not going to email her.
Only bots like me
I did some "Meet Me" on POF, and got a message from one girl. She's not really my type, and lives over an hour away. But I'm replying to be nice and because I did hit yes. I can't be picky anyways.
She keeps calling me cutie, hun and babe. It's weird.
TerminalDogma
Member
Seems that way, unfortunately. Oh well. I'm not going to email her.
Only bots like me
I did some "Meet Me" on POF, and got a message from one girl. She's not really my type, and lives over an hour away. But I'm replying to be nice and because I did hit yes. I can't be picky anyways.
She keeps calling me cutie, hun and babe. It's weird.
That, uh, that sounds like a bot, too.
BlitzEngineer
Member
Again, pardon my rookie-ness. I'm sure you guys have heard this type of thing tons of times.
Had a good conversation with this girl. Music is a big deal to me and so that's kinda how I open up conversations once I get their attention and this girl jumped right in which is a huge deal. In this new city it feels like there are less art-inclined individuals. I'm sure they're out there but I'm looking in the wrong places.
Anyway she's from the area so I naturally ask her if she knows any good spots for local live music. She makes some recommendations which look promising so the next day I message her back that I might check out one of these places this weekend and that I'd love to buy her a drink if she was around.
A day passes and she says "Well my lack of transportation, friends to go with, and the fact that I don't drink much make this complicated". At this point I'm thinking she's not interested, making some excuses to smooth it out (although her profile does mention she's without a car for the moment). The wisdom in this thread has taught me that excuses means non-interest.
So I message her back, laughing it off and saying I got the message but that the offer stood if she happened to get out this weekend and wanted to meet up. I expected the convo to end there but today she comes back and says I got the wrong impression, that she enjoys talking to me but it's just that it's hard for her to get out at the moment so it would need to be more pre-planned.
Is this worth pursuing? She's exactly my type and honestly I would love just to explore the area with her with no other expectations, but I don't want to waste my time with someone who is just gonna chat all day and never meet up.
I'm thinking right now maybe I'll ask her for other contact information to test if she's really interested. That's probably what I'll do
Had a good conversation with this girl. Music is a big deal to me and so that's kinda how I open up conversations once I get their attention and this girl jumped right in which is a huge deal. In this new city it feels like there are less art-inclined individuals. I'm sure they're out there but I'm looking in the wrong places.
Anyway she's from the area so I naturally ask her if she knows any good spots for local live music. She makes some recommendations which look promising so the next day I message her back that I might check out one of these places this weekend and that I'd love to buy her a drink if she was around.
A day passes and she says "Well my lack of transportation, friends to go with, and the fact that I don't drink much make this complicated
". At this point I'm thinking she's not interested, making some excuses to smooth it out (although her profile does mention she's without a car for the moment). The wisdom in this thread has taught me that excuses means non-interest.So I message her back, laughing it off and saying I got the message but that the offer stood if she happened to get out this weekend and wanted to meet up. I expected the convo to end there but today she comes back and says I got the wrong impression, that she enjoys talking to me but it's just that it's hard for her to get out at the moment so it would need to be more pre-planned.
Is this worth pursuing? She's exactly my type and honestly I would love just to explore the area with her with no other expectations, but I don't want to waste my time with someone who is just gonna chat all day and never meet up.
I'm thinking right now maybe I'll ask her for other contact information to test if she's really interested. That's probably what I'll do
She's telling you she doesn't drink much and she wants something more pre-planned, so suggest a date idea that isn't drinking and is far enough away that its planned. Just ask her if she'd like to go out for coffee on Wednesday/Thursday when she gets off work (if she works a 9-5, that is). If she's indecisive, or can't make it work, or doesn't offer alternatives, then bail.Again, pardon my rookie-ness. I'm sure you guys have heard this type of thing tons of times.
Had a good conversation with this girl. Music is a big deal to me and so that's kinda how I open up conversations once I get their attention and this girl jumped right in which is a huge deal. In this new city it feels like there are less art-inclined individuals. I'm sure they're out there but I'm looking in the wrong places.
Anyway she's from the area so I naturally ask her if she knows any good spots for local live music. She makes some recommendations which look promising so the next day I message her back that I might check out one of these places this weekend and that I'd love to buy her a drink if she was around.
A day passes and she says "Well my lack of transportation, friends to go with, and the fact that I don't drink much make this complicated
So I message her back, laughing it off and saying I got the message but that the offer stood if she happened to get out this weekend and wanted to meet up. I expected the convo to end there but today she comes back and says I got the wrong impression, that she enjoys talking to me but it's just that it's hard for her to get out at the moment so it would need to be more pre-planned.
Is this worth pursuing? She's exactly my type and honestly I would love just to explore the area with her with no other expectations, but I don't want to waste my time with someone who is just gonna chat all day and never meet up.
I'm thinking right now maybe I'll ask her for other contact information to test if she's really interested. That's probably what I'll do
No critiques here, I just want to say your pictures are hysterically awesome. Groovy ass beard by the way.
I've officially messaged over 800 girls on OKC. Met my 300 message limit and cleared out my mailbox twice, and now I'm back up to 200. I've gotten like 3 conversations started, all of whom disappeared when I suggested we meet.
Being ugly is so fucking wonderful!
Seriously though, I don't know how I can continue living knowing that I'm completely undesirable to women and that nobody is ever going to love me.
Being ugly is so fucking wonderful!
Seriously though, I don't know how I can continue living knowing that I'm completely undesirable to women and that nobody is ever going to love me.
If you're looking for help, post your profile. Or ask someone to PM you if you don't want to release it publicly. There's plenty of people here who have experience in bettering themselves and getting female attention.
There is no help for me. I'm ugly and that's all there is to it.
Don't say that, dude. Especially in online dating looks aren't that important.
Looks are arguably more important in online dating.
PM me your profile link.
Ugly can be fixed, if you have the drive to fix it. Gym, haircut, clothes, proper diet. Won't be easy, and it won't be quick, but the sooner you resolve to make your self better, the sooner you'll be better.
electricshake
Member
So you just want sympathy then? This isn't the thread for that. Post your profile and we'll tell you how to improve it. But negative attitudes don't go down well here.
Fallout-NL
Member
What's the best way for you guys to comment on what I plan to use as profile pics?
The quote / email thing?
Going to try my luck with Tinder first I guess.
The quote / email thing?
Going to try my luck with Tinder first I guess.
Fallout-NL
Member
Pics (quote to see 'em I guess?):
Yeah, just let me know which ones you would/wouldn't use and whether something's missing.
Yeah, just let me know which ones you would/wouldn't use and whether something's missing.
To be blunt, you have to work on your outlook/attitude before dating. I don't believe this is the first time you've said that. No one should going into any kind of relationship situation hoping the other person will fix them/be the thing to singlehandedly improve their mood.
- The first pic is pretty good. I'd use it.
- Go with either the melancholic beach pic or the maudlin snow pic. I think I'd go with whichever one was more "Exotic" to where you live
- The "you holding a paper" one is nice. Clear view of your entire body, clothes fit nicely.
- The very last pic shows off your eyes wonderfully. Just consider photoshopping out the red splotches on the neck and your nosehair.
- Throw the motorcycle pic at the end. The motorcycle is too prominant to make it a primary pic, but you need something women can ask you questions about. A motorcycle + mountains should fit the bill
Get yourself a pic of you interacting with other people, and you're good. If there are privacy concerns, blur their faces, but do not crop. You want people to know you have a social network. Logic there, if there are other people capable of putting up with you, you can't be too bad. Just don't include women in the shot.
Fallout-NL
Member
Thanks for the advice! Appreciate it.
Will do the enhancements and include a pic of me with my friends.
Will do the enhancements and include a pic of me with my friends.
Ugh. Can someone explain what happened here? Not sure if Tinder is just unusably glitchy or what.
Matched with a girl earlier (she swiped after I did). Went and checked out her profile again. She was cute, seemed interesting, made a note to message her later because I was busy at the time.
An hour later, I get a notification that she had messaged me. Still busy, so I don;t check it yet. 20 minutes later, I get the chance to check it, Tinder opens to her profile, but there's no message there. Strange. I force quit Tinder and restart. All of a sudden, she's not there anymore. No longer in my matched list.
What the hell? It's very rare that I'll actually get someone to message me first on Tinder. Now it glitches and unmatches me without input. Why you gotta do me like dat Tinder?
Anyone else experience similar?
Matched with a girl earlier (she swiped after I did). Went and checked out her profile again. She was cute, seemed interesting, made a note to message her later because I was busy at the time.
An hour later, I get a notification that she had messaged me. Still busy, so I don;t check it yet. 20 minutes later, I get the chance to check it, Tinder opens to her profile, but there's no message there. Strange. I force quit Tinder and restart. All of a sudden, she's not there anymore. No longer in my matched list.
What the hell? It's very rare that I'll actually get someone to message me first on Tinder. Now it glitches and unmatches me without input. Why you gotta do me like dat Tinder?
Anyone else experience similar?