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Online Dating |OT| Please Respond
- Thread starter Jhoan
- Start date
Hmm, I have a bunch of silly photos. I wonder how that will go. The only problem is that none of them are recent...
That all depends on what I find out about her before hand, as you know everyone is different.
It's a dog whistle term used by MRAs and PUAs to subtly put down women. I mean, it's fine if you want to use it as a noun, if you don't mind being wrongfully associated with those groups. Who uses males as a noun? What's up, males?
I'm not going to bother to derail the thread, but just for a moment, realize that the world doesn't revolve around PUAs and MRAs, and just because they use a word to refer to something for what it is, it doesn't mean that it is derogatory.
Yeah of course. But you can't tell me you don't have a list of things to do in your town that would make for good dates, should you get a feeling that a girl would be into it.
For example, in my town we have the botanical gardens, an indoor climbing wall, a weird art installation museum, an aviary, a pinball cafe, concerts, hiking trails, kayaking, a drag show brunch...
In the dating thread, there's a brief discussion on personality and doing interesting things. If you're having an issue with chemistry, maybe knowing more cool things to do in your town would help?
I live on Long Island, there are things to do, it's just dominated by restaraunt, bars and clubs. A lot of the stuff you mention, things of that nature are usually closed by the time me and said date get out of work. (I.e. Like zip lining, no one wants to do that in the freezing cold) In the summer time the options are unlimited, in the winter it's just scaled back some, but I get what you're saying.
I can do and offer any number of places but a lot of times a girl just wants dinner and drinks and "not really into that".
I don't think anyone I talk to or know have any clue what a MRA or PUA is, hell I just had to google it...
Well, that's no fun guys. Perhaps you two should add learning to dance to a to-do list? It's actually not a bad skill to have. Wallflowers aren't fun!
Regarding dancing...I almost never go dancing, I am a terrible dancer, but this is what I do and 99% of the time it works.
Take a girl on a walk for a date, or something else simple and relatively relaxed. When you hear music playing from a shop, stop, and ask her to dance. Right then and there on the sidewalk. Hopefully since you are walking you are already holding hands or touching, so it's not too much of a stretch to turn to face her and grab her other hand. She'll probably laugh and be embarrassed, but it should be pretty clear if she thinks it is cute, or if she thinks you are a weirdo. Ideally she already thinks you are cute because you've been playing your cards right for the first hour of the date or whatever. If she thinks it's cute then you go with it, if she clearly thinks you are a moron then you say "just joking, dancing in the street? Crazy people do that..." or some other self-deprecating bullshit.
Do a shitty tango, do some club moves, whatever. If Gangnam style is playing then try to do that stupid dance. It doesn't matter. Just show her that you are fun.
Take a girl on a walk for a date, or something else simple and relatively relaxed. When you hear music playing from a shop, stop, and ask her to dance. Right then and there on the sidewalk. Hopefully since you are walking you are already holding hands or touching, so it's not too much of a stretch to turn to face her and grab her other hand. She'll probably laugh and be embarrassed, but it should be pretty clear if she thinks it is cute, or if she thinks you are a weirdo. Ideally she already thinks you are cute because you've been playing your cards right for the first hour of the date or whatever. If she thinks it's cute then you go with it, if she clearly thinks you are a moron then you say "just joking, dancing in the street? Crazy people do that..." or some other self-deprecating bullshit.
Do a shitty tango, do some club moves, whatever. If Gangnam style is playing then try to do that stupid dance. It doesn't matter. Just show her that you are fun.
User 479360
Banned
Tinder is amazing. I've gotten most of my dates through it during my time in South Africa. Not so hot in the rural areas, but it's a gold mine in a city setting. I had so many matches during a week period (and only tracking people within a 5 mile radius).
Also, dancing is amazing. More men need to embrace that fact.
neurochasm
Banned
Maybe you said something offensive to her and didn't realize? What did you talk about?
Also I'm exactly your age, divorcing, and dating for the first time in well over a decade. I feel like a total fish out of water and have fucked up so many messages. Just tonight, I was talking with two people on Bumble and accidentally asked one woman a question about the other's weird profile blurb. It's gonna make no sense to her whatsoever when she reads it, fucking cringe. Anyway, we'll have to compare old guy notes.
dglavimans
Member
I don't get it... My number of matches got down so fast on tinder drives me nuts.. Changed my profile 2 times already but I dunno what is wrong... Before I could get around at least an match an week and now months of nothing... Depressing really. 
And Okupid works really different then tinder does... Kinda stuck here :/
And Okupid works really different then tinder does... Kinda stuck here :/
I don't get it... My number of matches got down so fast on tinder drives me nuts.. Changed my profile 2 times already but I dunno what is wrong... Before I could get around at least an match an week and now months of nothing... Depressing really.
And Okupid works really different then tinder does... Kinda stuck here :/
Your pool has simply decreased since you've swiped through it. The influx isn't quicker than what you can swipe if you are somewhat active. So if fewer people have a chance to swipe on you (since they've already swiped), you'll have a statistically lower chance of getting a match since here are fewer chances. Generally it's recommended to restart your account if you change profile picture since the people that have already swiped on you likely won't recognize your new pic, and you'll have higher chances if it's better than your old one.
User 479360
Banned
I waited to hear from the girl I went on the date with, as suggested, so as to not seem overbearing. She thankfully texted me last night, but I just saw it and replied now because I was sleeping.
It was a picture of her with her cat around her shoulders.
It was a picture of her with her cat around her shoulders.
Fallout-NL
Member
That's a good sign. Nice, OCDChewie.
User 479360
Banned
Fallout-NL
Member
Personally I always enjoy waiting until the girl I'm dating asks me that question. It is absolutely vital not to push these things and not to worry about them either. She's talking to you, meeting with you, all you have to do is believe that you would be perfect for her. Though what really helps is that you remain critical yourself. Is she perfect for you as well? As soon as you, in your mind, turn her into this last best hope for your happiness (which might not even be the case actually), you're putting yourself at an extreme disadvantage. It's hard to be attractive when you're trapped in that mindset. Just remember that you're not the only person being 'evaluated' here
.So, just be cool. Try to arrange another date. Have a good time. See if at the end of the second date maybe you do want to kiss her. Meet a bunch more times. Get to know her better and then you can start discussing things like exclusivity.
Usually is depends on how the both of you feel about it, but it seems way too soon to ask now. Get a few more dates under the belt and you can feel it out from there!
Girl who I had FWB with but now I want more:
I'm invited to a show that her class will put on for a company tomorrow at noon. I'm invited as one of the five reserved spots for friends and family for that show, her friend will be one of these five as well. I've confirmed that I'll get to meet her after, though just briefly I think. Do I kiss her or just hug? I mean we're not even "dating" really since all our dates have been at eachothers houses -> sex. We're far from official, hasn't even come up. Hell, I don't even know if she wants to date, or just keep up what we're doing.
Do I ask her if she's okay with kissing beforehand or when we meet? Do I wait for her to initiate when we meet, and follow her lead? Never been in this situation before, and since her friend and classmates will likely be around or close, she might not want a kiss. Perhaps the safest option is just to act as a "friend" until she decides otherwise (in the context of us meeting tomorrow, that is). Advice?
I'm invited to a show that her class will put on for a company tomorrow at noon. I'm invited as one of the five reserved spots for friends and family for that show, her friend will be one of these five as well. I've confirmed that I'll get to meet her after, though just briefly I think. Do I kiss her or just hug? I mean we're not even "dating" really since all our dates have been at eachothers houses -> sex. We're far from official, hasn't even come up. Hell, I don't even know if she wants to date, or just keep up what we're doing.
Do I ask her if she's okay with kissing beforehand or when we meet? Do I wait for her to initiate when we meet, and follow her lead? Never been in this situation before, and since her friend and classmates will likely be around or close, she might not want a kiss. Perhaps the safest option is just to act as a "friend" until she decides otherwise (in the context of us meeting tomorrow, that is). Advice?
I know I am, somewhat. But yeah hug is probably the best.
User 479360
Banned
I don't like leaving things up in the air and have a fear of the unknown, so the voice inside my head is telling me to lock things down the next time I see her. I think she'd say yes, but I agree - it likely is too soon.
I don't date much, and I'd be fine starting a relationship, without worry about other girls. However, it'd be how she feels.
I'll try not to rush into it. A female friend told me to go for it anytime, but it does feel quick.
I don't date much, and I'd be fine starting a relationship, without worry about other girls. However, it'd be how she feels.
I'll try not to rush into it. A female friend told me to go for it anytime, but it does feel quick.
First date with a girl this weekend. Taking her out to a bar, which will be a first for me. Picked one in between us that is usually quieter and has a good microbrew selection on tap. Hoping it goes well.
As sucky as it is being in the early zone, wait. Sometime around the third date is when people start letting their guard down a little and decide how serious they want things to be. Between now and then your perception of the girl can change. And you can't let your fears rule you so much. You fear the unknown, so you want to lock her down sooner than she might be comfortable with. You fear how she'll react to your kissing skills, so you didn't kiss her. Relax.
As sucky as it is being in the early zone, wait. Sometime around the third date is when people start letting their guard down a little and decide how serious they want things to be. Between now and then your perception of the girl can change. And you can't let your fears rule you so much. You fear the unknown, so you want to lock her down sooner than she might be comfortable with. You fear how she'll react to your kissing skills, so you didn't kiss her. Relax.
Just focus on locking down a second date, enjoy yourself and see what happens. No need to get hung up on labels at the moment, you're still feeling each other out.
edit: I also want to echo what Salamando said for emphasis. If you let those fears rule you it will actually drive her away.
edit: I also want to echo what Salamando said for emphasis. If you let those fears rule you it will actually drive her away.
Mr Solo Dolo
Member
Matched with an 18yr old on Tinder (I'm 26) got talking (she messaged first), she told me she knows what she wants and she's got a "slight daddy kink". Wasn't sure what that was so had to Google it. Damn I'm not sure I'm comfortable with that.
I mean she's stunning and checks out, and if she was older I definitely 'would' but I don't think I can go through with it right now.
I mean she's stunning and checks out, and if she was older I definitely 'would' but I don't think I can go through with it right now.
ohhthegore
Member
Damn sounds like my dream
electricshake
Member
Cool your jets. You'll scare her off if you try and make it exclusive after 2 dates. She said she wanted to take it slow, yeh? That is the opposite of slow. You are seriously over thinking this which will likely be your downfall. I don't want you to fail so just play it cool.
User 479360
Banned
Yeah, I haven't brought it up.
We texted a bit last night, and she told me she was really sad and depressed. I know she's got issues with depression, and I know it well myself. I'm trying to help her and be there for her, but I don't know if it'd be a good idea to enter into a relationship with us both having it and hers being so severe right now.
Fallout-NL
Member
Might be a good reason to just go do some stuff with her.
Show went well. I like to think I made a pretty damn good impression on her friend that was there (they are "best friends", in the friend's words), we talked quite a bit in the breaks and when leaving. Went for a hug on the girl I like, got some glitter on my face hah. Seeing her on Monday so yeah.
User 479360
Banned
Did POF change its profile design to a cleaner, green look, with icons at the top? Showing things like, "Doesn't smoke" and "doesn't have kids"?
I got two emails saying people wanted to meet me, so I Googled the usernames with POF at the end and one link (which was a legitimate pof.com link) showed a new-looking profile type.
I got two emails saying people wanted to meet me, so I Googled the usernames with POF at the end and one link (which was a legitimate pof.com link) showed a new-looking profile type.
You're going for a second date, it's not a relationship.
Also if you really like her and stop seeing her because you don't want to deal with her depression, that might make it worse.
Just try to relax and have fun, that's what dating's supposed to be about.
User 479360
Banned
I don't think it's going to go anywhere. She's not texting much, and despite what she said the other night, I don't know where her head is here.
I asked her how she is, and she said she still feels like crap and asked how I am, but that's been the extent of our conversation.
I want to tell her how I feel, and see what she says, but don't know if it's a good idea.
Uh, it's been one date, really, chill. Just because she's not texting back much now doesn't mean much, it could mean a million things--she's sick, busy, not much of a texter, etc, etc, etc. I mean, she's responding, which means a lot on its own. Just, like, set up the second date, stop worrying and don't try to make this a relationship already. She said she wanted to take it slow, that would be the polar opposite.
Fallout-NL
Member
Yeah, save feelings for when you're like 10 dates in. Better yet, don't talk about them at all until she does (as they relate to dating and how you feel about each other - not her depression, that's of course something you can talk about).
User 479360
Banned
I haven't. She's just not talking much and I don't know what to think. I was on a high during the date and now am at a low and my depression's acting up.
I don't have a lot of luck in this field.
I did ask her if she wants to do something again soon, though.
I don't have a lot of luck in this field.
I did ask her if she wants to do something again soon, though.
Fallout-NL
Member
I can't deny that it's quite the emotional roller coaster at times . Trick is to wait it out.
If she's up for the second date, she will respond. Just be patient, Chewie.
. Trick is to wait it out.If she's up for the second date, she will respond. Just be patient, Chewie.
Don't ask "if she wants to do something again soon", ask if she wants to do something specific on a specific date. Vague suggestions lead to vague responses and soon you'll be more confused.
~!please listen to this advice!~
If she's feeling low, take that opportunity to say, hey why don't we go do XYZ (something fun) together. Then you show her a great time, she associates you with positive feelings/helping with her depression and boom she wants to continue seeing you.
Do not fall into the trap of speaking through text, just go meet up again and have a great time and you'll feel much better about this.
Yeah, that's super good advice. If someone's feeling down, sometimes someone coming around and saying "hey let's go out and do X!" can do wonders. It sends the message that you care.
I don't get it, GAF.
Women on OkCupid consistently stop responding to me after 2-3 messages. I even had a woman (who is apparently 99% compat with me) message me first, and I responded, she responded really quickly, and then stopped after my next response.
I know the logical thing is to say "you're screwing up the messages" but I've had two friends (women) read over what I wrote in the two most recent whiffs and they both were as mystified as me.
I never had too much trouble meeting women / finding girlfriends in real life until I returned to school a year ago so I turned to the online thing. Man, I have totally struck out. In one year of off-and-on effort: 6 matches on Tinder, two of which gave me their number and then stopped responding once we started setting up the specifics of a date. I've exchanged messages with several women on OkCupid but all of them stopped responding after a certain point except for one who I've become friends with (she lives in a different town).
I realize asking help for this on a gaming forum is idiotic but hey, this is where I hang out on the internet, so I figured it was worth a shot.
I thought about whether I need to ask to do things in person faster but, like, usually I like to get about 5 messages each way deep before I do that. Or at least more than 2...
Edit: Can y'all give me feedback on my profile? Quote to see the link.
Should I change my profile picture? Again, women friends said it was good but who knows...
Women on OkCupid consistently stop responding to me after 2-3 messages. I even had a woman (who is apparently 99% compat with me) message me first, and I responded, she responded really quickly, and then stopped after my next response.
I know the logical thing is to say "you're screwing up the messages" but I've had two friends (women) read over what I wrote in the two most recent whiffs and they both were as mystified as me.
I never had too much trouble meeting women / finding girlfriends in real life until I returned to school a year ago so I turned to the online thing. Man, I have totally struck out. In one year of off-and-on effort: 6 matches on Tinder, two of which gave me their number and then stopped responding once we started setting up the specifics of a date. I've exchanged messages with several women on OkCupid but all of them stopped responding after a certain point except for one who I've become friends with (she lives in a different town).
I realize asking help for this on a gaming forum is idiotic but hey, this is where I hang out on the internet, so I figured it was worth a shot.
I thought about whether I need to ask to do things in person faster but, like, usually I like to get about 5 messages each way deep before I do that. Or at least more than 2...
Edit: Can y'all give me feedback on my profile? Quote to see the link.
Should I change my profile picture? Again, women friends said it was good but who knows...
I can't see your profile, because I don't have an OK Cupid account. Anyhow, I've said this before, but there may not be anything necessarily wrong with you. Women tend to choose their best options on those sites, and if you are not one of their best options, then things tend to die off rather quickly. It doesn't mean that there is something wrong with you.
What's the timeline look like on these communications? Are you letting days/weeks go between messages? Are you responding within minutes? Without seeing the messages, hard to critique what's going on there.
One of your pics has you with your arms around two girls, one of whom is hugging you (yes, there's another guy there, but he's rather passive). That is a huge no-no. The only time it's safe to include pics of you and a girl is if it's crystal clear she's a family member. Otherwise it's too easy for someone to assume it's a pic of you and an ex. Even if it's just a friend and you caption it as such...not everyone reads the captions.
For the profile itself, it needs more warmth and humor. Most of it just reads like a regurgitation of facts about your life. It doesn't sell your personality.
It could also use what I call "Calls to Action". It's where you mention something interesting in your profile without completing it. That way, if a girl wants to know the interesting thing, she has to contact you. Instead of saying you were a counselor for two years in Colorado, try "And then there were those two years in Colorado which created some truly memorable experiences". Little bit of mystery does ya good.