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[gaiages]

I don't get it, GAF.

Women on OkCupid consistently stop responding to me after 2-3 messages. I even had a woman (who is apparently 99% compat with me) message me first, and I responded, she responded really quickly, and then stopped after my next response.

I know the logical thing is to say "you're screwing up the messages" but I've had two friends (women) read over what I wrote in the two most recent whiffs and they both were as mystified as me.

I never had too much trouble meeting women / finding girlfriends in real life until I returned to school a year ago so I turned to the online thing. Man, I have totally struck out. In one year of off-and-on effort: 6 matches on Tinder, two of which gave me their number and then stopped responding once we started setting up the specifics of a date. I've exchanged messages with several women on OkCupid but all of them stopped responding after a certain point except for one who I've become friends with (she lives in a different town).

I realize asking help for this on a gaming forum is idiotic but hey, this is where I hang out on the internet, so I figured it was worth a shot.

I thought about whether I need to ask to do things in person faster but, like, usually I like to get about 5 messages each way deep before I do that. Or at least more than 2...

Edit: Can y'all give me feedback on my profile? Quote to see the link.

Should I change my profile picture? Again, women friends said it was good but who knows...

Well let's see...
...
...
oh, that's your problem. You live there.

On a more serious note... Self summary: Make those complete sentences. What I'm doing: The second paragraph seems a little off, feels just a tad negative. I'd recommend just nixing the part about your previous major. Really good at: Nix the 'I hope', you want to seem confident about yourself. Spend time thinking: Of course your car won't get cooler, it's frickin' Florida!

Honestly, seems like your profile's mostly okay. Do you mind posting examples of your messages? Maybe there is something there you're doing that makes things off. Do you use dry humor in texts a lot? That doesn't usually go too well.

Also, while I was looking at Piano's profile, I looked at my built up messages, and saw this one (it's part of the message not the whole thing):

I don't know about this bagel thing though. There's something not right about paying for something that has a hole in it.

Bravo good sir.

 

[tch]

Welp. Girl I was dating (3.5 dates) decided we shouldn't date anymore the other night. It was kinda out of nowhere but it is what it is. She said that "we aren't on the same page romantically." Apparently I was more into her then she was into me at least in her eyes. I'm actually already over it completely. Looking back on it, she was been dropping hints that she was down to be together just not in a dating sense, which I am totally fine with. How would I go about initiating a hang-out/hook-up without seeming like I just want to get back with her? Especially given that she thinks that I was super into her which is why she broke it off in the first place..

Should I wait a while and just see how things play out? I kinda want to let her know that I am totally ok with how things worked out, as we haven't spoken since she broke the news to me and the way the conversation went was a lot of her saying sorry and acting like she was breaking my heart when it really wasn't that serious. Should I text her or just wait a while until I run into her in person/ she contacts me? I'm totally clueless with this stuff, thanks.

Edit: whoops meant to post this in the Dating thread. oh well

 

[Piano]

What's the timeline look like on these communications? Are you letting days/weeks go between messages? Are you responding within minutes? Without seeing the messages, hard to critique what's going on there.

Longest I've waited to respond is 36 hours, because I was traveling. Shortest was less than an hour. Usually I check my OkCupid once per day and just respond at that point.

One of your pics has you with your arms around two girls, one of whom is hugging you (yes, there's another guy there, but he's rather passive). That is a huge no-no. The only time it's safe to include pics of you and a girl is if it's crystal clear she's a family member. Otherwise it's too easy for someone to assume it's a pic of you and an ex. Even if it's just a friend and you caption it as such...not everyone reads the captions.

Okay, true, I'll see if I can find a better picture. I was hoping it would be a good demonstration of "I go out and do things with friends" since there are so many people on OkCupid who just have picture after picture of themselves, alone, or selfies.

For the profile itself, it needs more warmth and humor. Most of it just reads like a regurgitation of facts about your life. It doesn't sell your personality.

It could also use what I call "Calls to Action". It's where you mention something interesting in your profile without completing it. That way, if a girl wants to know the interesting thing, she has to contact you. Instead of saying you were a counselor for two years in Colorado, try "And then there were those two years in Colorado which created some truly memorable experiences". Little bit of mystery does ya good.

Well let's see...
...
...
oh, that's your problem. You live there.

On a more serious note... Self summary: Make those complete sentences. What I'm doing: The second paragraph seems a little off, feels just a tad negative. I'd recommend just nixing the part about your previous major. Really good at: Nix the 'I hope', you want to seem confident about yourself. Spend time thinking: Of course your car won't get cooler, it's frickin' Florida!

Criticism noted, thank you.

The problem is...that's just sorta how I write. I'm a very animated person in the flesh but I don't really know how to "liven up" the text because
(a) I don't care for internet speak like "lol" or whatnot
(b) Adding exclamation points always seems forced to me.

If only I could have a flaming text .gif like the old days.

Honestly, seems like your profile's mostly okay. Do you mind posting examples of your messages? Maybe there is something there you're doing that makes things off. Do you use dry humor in texts a lot? That doesn't usually go too well.

I really don't use dry humor much, at least not immediately...I just sorta try to...talk like a real person. Quote to see a couple of examples.





Made some edits to my profile....is it any better now?

Thanks y'all.

 

[DivineRage002]

Tinder working for you guys?

 

[GK86]

Tinder working for you guys?

I used it about 15 mins ago.

 

[DivineRage002]

"There was a problem loading products from the store. Please try again later".

Every time I try to like someone.

I'll try restarting my cellphone.

 

[Fallout-NL]

Welp. Girl I was dating (3.5 dates) decided we shouldn't date anymore the other night. It was kinda out of nowhere but it is what it is. She said that "we aren't on the same page romantically." Apparently I was more into her then she was into me at least in her eyes. I'm actually already over it completely. Looking back on it, she was been dropping hints that she was down to be together just not in a dating sense, which I am totally fine with. How would I go about initiating a hang-out/hook-up without seeming like I just want to get back with her? Especially given that she thinks that I was super into her which is why she broke it off in the first place..

Should I wait a while and just see how things play out? I kinda want to let her know that I am totally ok with how things worked out, as we haven't spoken since she broke the news to me and the way the conversation went was a lot of her saying sorry and acting like she was breaking my heart when it really wasn't that serious. Should I text her or just wait a while until I run into her in person/ she contacts me? I'm totally clueless with this stuff, thanks.

Edit: whoops meant to post this in the Dating thread. oh well

Just shoot her a message saying: "Don't worry about it! Let me know if you want to watch a movie sometime. ttyl" - or something along those lines.

 

[GK86]

"There was a problem loading products from the store. Please try again later".

Every time I try to like someone.

I'll try restarting my cellphone.

Ohh, you ran out of 'likes'? You only get a set number of 'likes' every 12 hours.

 

[DivineRage002]

Ohh, you ran out of 'likes'? You only get a set number of 'likes' every 12 hours.

Yeah, restarted the phone and now it's saying the correct "you are out of likes" message.

 

[User 479360]

I send all these messages, women look at my profile and then I never hear anything. Online dating sucks.

 

[Llyranor]

Update your photos and profile text.

 

[BokehKing]

Never take a girl out on a first date at a restaurant

I mean you could, but damn, that hurt my wallet, just to listen to hear talk about dead grandparents and how she only wants to live in a community that is 95% Catholic and 98% white.


Oh yeah must have at least 2 churches

 

[User 479360]

Never take a girl out on a first date at a restaurant

I mean you could, but damn, that hurt my wallet, just to listen to hear talk about dead grandparents and how she only wants to live in a community that is 95% Catholic and 98% white.


Oh yeah must have at least 2 churches

I made the mistake of spending too much on the first date again this week, but thankfully our conversation went well. I thought the whole date did, but I guess her personal issues are going to make things difficult. Sorry to hear your conversations weren't so great.

I regret spending $60, but oh well I can't go back and change time.

 

[BokehKing]

I made the mistake of spending too much on the first date again this week, but thankfully our conversation went well. I thought the whole date did, but I guess her personal issues are going to make things difficult. Sorry to hear your conversations weren't so great.

I regret spending $60, but oh well I can't go back and change time.

I spent $75
I'll find a way to go back in time and meet for coffee first before dinner

 

[neurochasm]

Got cancelled on so I spent 0 dollars. Great way to save money.

Thinking about shutting it down til 2016, this shit gets demoralizing.

 

[User 479360]

I've been sending out a lot of messages. Some I put effort into, others I just said, "Hey. How's it going?" It's hard trying to find things to write, but I try to use the suggestions I've heard in this thread.

The girl I went on a date with replied when I sent her a message today. I simply said, "Hey?" since she hadn't replied in a day and hadn't replied to my asking her if she would like to go out again sometime soon.

She apologized, and said she's been in her own world.

 

[GK86]

I know it gets tiring after awhile, sending out a lot of messages, but even then, avoid sending out "Hey. How's it going?"

Rather than that message, which the women will get a ton of, just copy and paste a "out-of-left-field" type of question.

Ex: What is your favorite dinosaur?

 

[gaiages]

.

That last message you sent, you kinda rambled on some deeper stuff, which is kinda iffy for just the first few messages before meeting up (that's good date talking material), but more importantly, there was no follow-up question. You need to create a dialogue back and forth with someone, and when you barely know them, it's important to ask questions.

Also I noticed she messaged you first in this situation. Just to make sure, you do message women first too, right? What kind of openers do you use? You want to avoid the typical 'hi's' and 'how are yous', but also typical questions guys will ask. I said I played video games like once in my profile, yet 80% of the questions asked was "omg what video games do you play?" Try to think of more unusual questions based off their profile.

Oh, and you live in a college town, so depending on what your age range is, the matches might flow a little slower for you. Believe me, my age range was 21-29 and I constantly got message from those younger and older than me. It was frustrating.

I made the mistake of spending too much on the first date again this week, but thankfully our conversation went well. I thought the whole date did, but I guess her personal issues are going to make things difficult. Sorry to hear your conversations weren't so great.

I regret spending $60, but oh well I can't go back and change time.

I spent $75
I'll find a way to go back in time and meet for coffee first before dinner

Christ guys at least go to cheaper restaurants or something. Even going out to eat with my bf we don't spend more than like $50, and we're most definitely beyond the dating phase. :/

 

[RedAssedApe]

haha the thread title definitely cuts deep. i've encountered it at literally every stage of contact:

- first message
- after several messages
- after getting a number and texting a few times
- after getting a number and setting up a time for a phone call (voicemail is the kiss of death)
- after going on a first date that i thought went well
- after going on several dates over a period of a month

pls respond lol

 

[User 479360]

Christ guys at least go to cheaper restaurants or something. Even going out to eat with my bf we don't spend more than like $50, and we're most definitely beyond the dating phase. :/

Well, it was drinks and a movie. She had two drinks, I had a beer and then I tipped $4.50. Then the movies came to about $25.

I let her pick the restaurant, then it was going well so I asked her if she wanted to go to the movies. It was my fault. She also offered to pay for both her drinks and her movie ticket, but it didn't feel gentlemanly.

 

[Assanova]

I love dinner dates, but with as much dating as I've done, I had to switch to drink dates. They cost $25, tops. Dinner was getting way too expensive.

 

[Valhelm]

I've been going out with a girl that I met on Yik Yak

College is weird

 

[Piano]

That last message you sent, you kinda rambled on some deeper stuff, which is kinda iffy for just the first few messages before meeting up (that's good date talking material), but more importantly, there was no follow-up question. You need to create a dialogue back and forth with someone, and when you barely know them, it's important to ask questions.

Also I noticed she messaged you first in this situation. Just to make sure, you do message women first too, right? What kind of openers do you use? You want to avoid the typical 'hi's' and 'how are yous', but also typical questions guys will ask. I said I played video games like once in my profile, yet 80% of the questions asked was "omg what video games do you play?" Try to think of more unusual questions based off their profile.

Oh, and you live in a college town, so depending on what your age range is, the matches might flow a little slower for you. Believe me, my age range was 21-29 and I constantly got message from those younger and older than me. It was frustrating

Yeah, I usually message first, to which women respond about ~75% of the time. I usually just ask a question about something in their profile. Like, last week I messaged a woman asking about what sorts of board games she enjoys and she responded (but stopped responding a few messages later). I sent this open to a woman yesterday and she hasn't responded yet, perhaps I was too verbose:

(Quote to read)


No response. I get it was sort of long, but woman friends who I have say they appreciate when someone just treats them like a person instead of trying to floor them with sick one liners or whatever.

I had my age range set to 22-28, but even now that I've expanded it to 21-29 there's only like one more woman who's attractive to me. I'll send her a message some time soon and if she doesn't respond, the well is basically dry in my area.

Thanks for the help!

 

[gaiages]

Yeah, I usually message first, to which women respond about ~75% of the time. I usually just ask a question about something in their profile. Like, last week I messaged a woman asking about what sorts of board games she enjoys and she responded (but stopped responding a few messages later). I sent this open to a woman yesterday and she hasn't responded yet, perhaps I was too verbose:

(Quote to read)


No response. I get it was sort of long, but woman friends who I have say they appreciate when someone just treats them like a person instead of trying to floor them with sick one liners or whatever.

I had my age range set to 22-28, but even now that I've expanded it to 21-29 there's only like one more woman who's attractive to me. I'll send her a message some time soon and if she doesn't respond, the well is basically dry in my area.

Thanks for the help!

Opening messages are a balancing act. You certainly don't want to stick with typical one-liners, but you also don't want to make the first message long and exhausting to read, either. Most women get a ton or messages to parse through.

Obviously it varies, but I feel that message was just a tad too long. You asked a good opening question, but then your explanation just seemed a bit overdone. It's an interesting little fact, but... Honestly, you could have gotten away with just the question and not the explanation that comes off as just a tad know-it-all-ish. Facts are fun and all that, but an openers kind of an odd time to inject it.

Since you do live there (I don't want to say just in case you don't want that info on GAF), I'd recommend waiting until January to really get back into the swing of online dating, though. A large portion of your dating pool is going to be out of town for holiday stuff anyway. Also Tinder might be more successful on your end, that seem to be more popular around here for the most part.

 

[Piano]

Opening messages are a balancing act. You certainly don't want to stick with typical one-liners, but you also don't want to make the first message long and exhausting to read, either. Most women get a ton or messages to parse through.

Obviously it varies, but I feel that message was just a tad too long. You asked a good opening question, but then your explanation just seemed a bit overdone. It's an interesting little fact, but... Honestly, you could have gotten away with just the question and not the explanation that comes off as just a tad know-it-all-ish. Facts are fun and all that, but an openers kind of an odd time to inject it.

Since you do live there (I don't want to say just in case you don't want that info on GAF), I'd recommend waiting until January to really get back into the swing of online dating, though. A large portion of your dating pool is going to be out of town for holiday stuff anyway. Also Tinder might be more successful on your end, that seem to be more popular around here for the most part.

Yeah, I can see how it was a bit long. One would hope that a two-sentence swing in length wouldn't be the make or break on whether a woman responds but hey, I guess I can't know what her line of thought was. Live and learn, I guess, I'll keep it shorter from now on.

I think I will stick it out until January. And I've been trying Tinder but have only gotten like six matches in the past year. My friends say I'm too picky on it, but the issue is that without any sort of real description of the person's personality I have a tough time caring about the women, even if I find them physically attractive. Almost nobody comes across as a real, three-dimensional person on Tinder. Everyone is just a few vanity shots and a sarcastic / clever profile quip. It's hard to care.

Like, the last girl I matched with on tinder back in October, we messaged back and forth a few times until I realized I genuinely did not care about messaging her.

Thanks again for the input. I'm sure I'll pop back in once I get back into Tinder (traveling now so I can't tinder in my hometown)

 

[Llyranor]

I regret spending $60, but oh well I can't go back and change time.

She also offered to pay for both her drinks and her movie ticket, but it didn't feel gentlemanly.

Did you think her offer to pay her part was a trap? Did you think you paying for her made her go "He's so rich, I must have him"? If the amount is significant enough that you regret it, don't spend it on someone you've only met once.

I know it gets tiring after awhile, sending out a lot of messages, but even then, avoid sending out "Hey. How's it going?"

Rather than that message, which the women will get a ton of, just copy and paste a "out-of-left-field" type of question.

Ex: What is your favorite dinosaur?

THIS. "Hey. How's it going?" will get skipped by pretty quickly

 

[Salamando]

Hey. I forgot to save your number. I feel awful but I am not going to be able to make it tonight. If your up for it, I can meet another time. Hope you had a good Friday. ​

Well, there is no element of that message that's promising. Didn't store my number, couldn't find our text convo in her phone, cancelled and didn't offer an alternative date. Texted her back asking when she'd be free, but I'm not expecting much here.

 

[stn]

Avoid the "Hey, how's it going?" at all costs. You're better off asking something completely stupid and random. I honestly groan every time I get that message from someone, even more so when its not even grammatically correct. You can only pull it off consistently if you're really attractive.

 

[Llyranor]

If your up for it

The biggest red flag.

 

[Salamando]

The biggest red flag.

Yeah, given I've yet to hear back from her, I'm fairly confident I read that subtext properly. Feel free to correct me if I'm wrong there...

Think I'll take a break until after New Years'. Trying to arrange first dates sucks enough without two major holidays in the way.

 

[gaiages]

Yeah, given I've yet to hear back from her, I'm fairly confident I read that subtext properly. Feel free to correct me if I'm wrong there...

Think I'll take a break until after New Years'. Trying to arrange first dates sucks enough without two major holidays in the way.

I think he meant more that they used the wrong form of 'your'. Grammar fails and all that

 

[Llyranor]

I meant the spelling/grammar

You can ask again later one more time if you want, or leave the ball inher court

 

[Salamando]

I think he meant more that they used the wrong form of 'your'. Grammar fails and all that

I meant the spelling/grammar

You can ask again later one more time if you want, or leave the ball inher court

Nuh uh! You were mentioning they're incorrect grammar? How could eye of missed that? Its a mystery to I!

Seriously though, I was just commenting/lamenting her lack of response despite seemingly suggesting we meet another time. I'll try sending her a message through OKC tomorrow, in case she just ignored the random text from a number she apparently hadn't saved.

 

[Palpable]

Been about a month since I deleted my profiles. Feels good to not be chasing the date anymore. Screw that garbage. I've finally realized that I was doing it to forget about someone. I don't even want a relationship right now. I don't even want a fwb anymore after I got one. It's worthless, all worthless. Single forever. F it.

 

[Leeness]

Been about a month since I deleted my profiles. Feels good to not be chasing the date anymore. Screw that garbage. I've finally realized that I was doing it to forget about someone. I don't even want a relationship right now. I don't even want a fwb anymore after I got one. It's worthless, all worthless. Single forever. F it.

That's the spirit!

Spoiler

I completely agree though.

 

[davidwhangchoi]

Seriously though, I was just commenting/lamenting her lack of response despite seemingly suggesting we meet another time. I'll try sending her a message through OKC tomorrow, in case she just ignored the random text from a number she apparently hadn't saved.

hi,
friendly GAF'er here, based on the circumstances. In terms of communication, i wouldn't contact her a second time. just wait... let her respond, if she doesn't respond, i'd let it pass. anyways, hope things work out for you.=)

 

[BokehKing]

You know....that "what's your favorite dinosaur" question thrown into the middle of other questions has worked 8 out of 10 times so far. Since I started using it.

Stegosaurus seems to be a popular answer

 

[Zaraki_Kenpachi]

That last message you sent, you kinda rambled on some deeper stuff, which is kinda iffy for just the first few messages before meeting up (that's good date talking material), but more importantly, there was no follow-up question. You need to create a dialogue back and forth with someone, and when you barely know them, it's important to ask questions.

Also I noticed she messaged you first in this situation. Just to make sure, you do message women first too, right? What kind of openers do you use? You want to avoid the typical 'hi's' and 'how are yous', but also typical questions guys will ask. I said I played video games like once in my profile, yet 80% of the questions asked was "omg what video games do you play?" Try to think of more unusual questions based off their profile.

Oh, and you live in a college town, so depending on what your age range is, the matches might flow a little slower for you. Believe me, my age range was 21-29 and I constantly got message from those younger and older than me. It was frustrating.





Christ guys at least go to cheaper restaurants or something. Even going out to eat with my bf we don't spend more than like $50, and we're most definitely beyond the dating phase. :/

Yeah, cheaper is better to start. I think I've spent a little under $50 on average but that's when it's weeknights when I don't have time to eat so I'm at least half if not more.

 

[Salamando]

hi,
friendly GAF'er here, based on the circumstances. In terms of communication, i wouldn't contact her a second time. just wait... let her respond, if she doesn't respond, i'd let it pass. anyways, hope things work out for you.=)

I allow myself two "last messages." Enough to know that she didn't just miss one, not enough to come across creepy or too invested.

Sent her one last message through OKC. All I can do now is forget about her until she sends me a reply. 'Cause fuck waiting for one.

 

[The Wall]

Been about a month since I deleted my profiles. Feels good to not be chasing the date anymore. Screw that garbage. I've finally realized that I was doing it to forget about someone. I don't even want a relationship right now. I don't even want a fwb anymore after I got one. It's worthless, all worthless. Single forever. F it.

There is nothing wrong with being in a place in your life where a relationship isn't part of it. Especially when you know you're still mentally rebounding.

 

[Palpable]

There is nothing wrong with being in a place in your life where a relationship isn't part of it. Especially when you know you're still mentally rebounding.

I suppose. But how much time is too much time? Been over a year now.

 

[gaiages]

I suppose. But how much time is too much time? Been over a year now.

There's no such thing as too much or too little time, all depends on the person.

 

[Palpable]

There's no such thing as too much or too little time, all depends on the person.

Well, I got the answer I knew I'd get.

 

[Advocatus Diaboli]

Well, I got the answer I knew I'd get.

It's too much time when, if you know that you do want a relationship in the future, you start foregoing opportunities that might lead to one. Basically, when your recovery lasts so long that you're actively harming future prospects and you're not really "recovering" anymore, either.

Anyway, I'm in the same boat as you: I'm consciously taking a break from dating for a while, at least until I find a job, however long that takes.

 

[The Wall]

Well, I got the answer I knew I'd get.

It depends on how heavy of a significance the relationship held in your mind, sometimes. If you were emotionally checked out before an official break up, you'll be able to move on more quickly. If you had a lot of investment in the union, it's going to leave you brain mangled for a while and maybe even obsessively questioning where things started going wrong at first.

Think of it as a grieving process. If someone significant to you died, you might not "properly" get over it. It will change you because it mattered.

 

[Salamando]

Well, I got the answer I knew I'd get.

You are/were talking to a therapist about this, right? What'd they tell you? As earnest as our advice is, we're still just random people who know 1% of the total picture.

Your goal shouldn't be to forget the girl, but to stop letting the memory of her have domain over your life. That's when you have issues.

 

[AcridMeat]

It's too much time when, if you know that you do want a relationship in the future, you start foregoing opportunities that might lead to one. Basically, when your recovery lasts so long that you're actively harming future prospects and you're not really "recovering" anymore, either.

Anyway, I'm in the same boat as you: I'm consciously taking a break from dating for a while, at least until I find a job, however long that takes.

Wait what? What happened? Last I remember you had something for about a month that sounded great.

 

[davidwhangchoi]

I allow myself two "last messages." Enough to know that she didn't just miss one, not enough to come across creepy or too invested.

Sent her one last message through OKC. All I can do now is forget about her until she sends me a reply. 'Cause fuck waiting for one.

oh, i wasn't thinking it was creepy at all... just more about her personality, not @ you =)

from her response: her personality potentially ranges from a big minus to neutral (either lying or doesn't value communication/flaky) to at best: she sincerely forgot... i just posted to wait to test the waters. (not to say you're too invested or creepy,etc) if she responds, you know she's sincere and forgot, if she doesn't: it's one of the other two (doesn't bother to save numbers or just lying) not worth it IMO.

anyways, no harm in another text: good luck!

There is nothing wrong with being in a place in your life where a relationship isn't part of it. Especially when you know you're still mentally rebounding.

I suppose. But how much time is too much time? Been over a year now.

Ahhh, i want to quote Metal Gear Solid 3, The Boss: "It's raining blood. Is he crying?"
Man, you're free to do what you want anytime. pursue dating: single: you decide =)

best sign to know you're ready? you not staring into space thinking about someone else within a haze... if you miss a turn or train stop... i think it may be a sign... heheh

 

[Palpable]

It depends on how heavy of a significance the relationship held in your mind, sometimes. If you were emotionally checked out before an official break up, you'll be able to move on more quickly. If you had a lot of investment in the union, it's going to leave you brain mangled for a while and maybe even obsessively questioning where things started going wrong at first.

Pretty much this. It doesn't get better, it just gets easier. That's about it. I still think of her everyday. My only distractions are going out with friends and gaming. I am doing much better than I was 3 months to a year ago. I admit that I do hold out hope that she talks to me again one day. Guess she was far too important to me to just drop and forget. I think in the back of my mind I know it won't happen, so whatever.

You are/were talking to a therapist about this, right? What'd they tell you? As earnest as our advice is, we're still just random people who know 1% of the total picture.

Your goal shouldn't be to forget the girl, but to stop letting the memory of her have domain over your life. That's when you have issues.

I was. Therapist told me the same thing. Fact of the matter is that she left me for someone else, so she was emotionally gone and it didn't matter. I really don't know anything beyond that. I still see tiny signs of things, like her reactivating her old facebook account that she was friends with me and my family on (no reason to do this, as she has a new account that she has all the same friends with minus my family).

I think the thing with all these girls I've met/dated is that I simply haven't found the right one.

 

[Salamando]

oh, i wasn't thinking it was creepy at all... just more about her personality, not @ you =)

from her response: her personality potentially ranges from a big minus to neutral (either lying or doesn't value communication/flaky) to at best: she sincerely forgot... i just posted to wait to test the waters. (not to say you're too invested or creepy,etc) if she responds, you know she's sincere and forgot, if she doesn't: it's one of the other two (doesn't bother to save numbers or just lying) not worth it IMO.

I hear ya. She didn't forget; she cancelled the date ~10 hours beforehand. Her sincerity regarding meeting up at another time, that's the part in question. If I don't hear back from her, I'll just assume it's another example of Gaiages' theorem - "Women won't say no to men online. They don't know how they'll react"