NoctisVsStar
Member
To my New Yorkers what's a cool bar in midtown to perhaps meet some girls or idk initiate some convos?
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Online Dating |OT| Please Respond
- Thread starter Jhoan
- Start date
User 479360
Banned
Okay, good!
We're going out tonight, I think, although I'm exhausted and she's scared.
Fallout-NL
Member
You'll be fine. Just take it easy. Do some breathing exercises if it helps. She'll probably relax quite soon after she discovers you're a nice guy. Take some comfort in the fact that we have faith in you
.User 479360
Banned
You'll be fine. Just take it easy. Do some breathing exercises if it helps. She'll probably relax quite soon after she discovers you're a nice guy. Take some comfort in the fact that we have faith in you
Thanks
I'm okay. I've just been up for close to 24 hours. I've gotta' drive so I'm going to go get an energy drink.
I didn't expect to be going out tonight. I thought I would have passed out hours ago.
Fallout-NL
Member
Alright, drive safe and try to just enjoy it. You'll do great.
I do not feel this is something to exactly be ashamed of.
I went back on OkCupid after a year and all the same people are still there
Is the problem the site itself?
I mean are people just so easily distracted by the fact that they can always do better if they just go on there one last time?
Idk, weird
Then again, I'M back on there so I guess I shouldn't talk
Is the problem the site itself?
I mean are people just so easily distracted by the fact that they can always do better if they just go on there one last time?
Idk, weird
Then again, I'M back on there so I guess I shouldn't talk
The only midtown bar I fuck with is Beer Culture, but it's not really a place to meet chick... I think. Any reason it has to be midtown?
So Bumble is on Android now, I made a profile and got a few matches so far. Let's see what happens.
NoctisVsStar
Member
Oh nah I just meant in the Manhattan area, because around where I live (the heights) there isn't much.. Unless you want a goldigger XD
User 479360
Banned
Well, I got home from meeting the girl I posted about less than an hour ago and wanted to post about what was a really great date. She ended up wanting to meet up tonight for drinks, so we did just that, even though I'd been up for 24 hours.
I bought an energy drink on the way to meet her, drank most of it and had the energy to last through the lengthy date.
I honestly think it went really well, and she said so herself. We were both shy about meeting eachother (in fact, she said she was scared, and her Mom even asked her to drive herself instead of getting into a car with someone she's never met). I'm hoping to see her again soon.
We texted for most of the day, and met at 8:30 yesterday evening. We went to Montana's and got some drinks, which was her idea. She ordered an alcoholic lemonade and then a beer, and I got a beer and a water, because I figured that I should stay sober in case we were going to go anywhere else.
We talked a lot, and had some really great conversation. She thought it was cute that I was shy and nervous, and said she wasn't nervous after a bit. I made her feel comfortable. The tablecloths also let you colour on them, so we did that as well.
She's interesting and a great listener, and we ended up talking for close to two hours. I asked her if she wanted to go to the movies about an hour into the date, and she said yes, so we decided on Krampus at 10:30. But man that movie sucked.
I asked for everything on one bill, paid it and tipped the waitress generously, and she thanked me but said I shouldn't have. Then, I drove us over to the movies and we left her car there, then returned for it later so that she was sober when she drove. Two drinks isn't a lot, but still.
I bought the tickets for the movie as well, although she gave me shit and said to let her pay for hers. I told her she could pay next time and she said okay.
During the date, we briefly talked about Star Wars because I said the new movie is coming out soon, and she said that she's never seen any so we should watch them sometime. Also seemed interested in going to see other movies.
As soon as we took our coats off and sat down in the theatre, she reached out and entwined her left hand in my right hand and we stayed like that for a while. I later tried to put the arm rest up and put my arm around her shoulders, and it worked for a bit, but was quite uncomfortable. We alternated for the rest of the movie.
She told me that she was abused in her last relationship, and that if we were to progress she would like to take things slowly. Since everyone has a different opinion of what slow means, I decided to ask her -- just out of curiosity -- and told her that her answer wouldn't change my mind on whether I wanted to see her again. I was simply curious. She said that she didn't really want to answer because it'd sound bad, but that she didn't want to hook up tonight or anything like that, which I wasn't expecting to do anyways. I wasn't prepared for it and was nervous to even kiss her.
At the end of the date, when I took her back to her car, she was about to get out (I opened the door the first time she got into the truck and tried to at the movies, but she got ahead of me at the restaurant and other people held the door open for us). I said I'm not exactly great at these goodbyes (didn't know what else to say. Bad, I know) and she started to reach out for a hug, then asked if I'd like to kiss. I said we should hug, because I chickened out and didn't want to put her on the spot for a kiss or screw it up because I know I'm a bad kisser.
We hugged, and she thanked me for a good night, said I'm a really nice guy and gave me shit for paying for everything, though she thanked me for that.
I asked her to text me when she got home, and she did. I sent her a message back saying, "Thanks for the great night and best date I've ever been on. You're a really nice, beautiful and interesting person, don't sell yourself short (she has depression). I wimped out at the end and kicked myself all the way home. It's not that I didn't want to kiss you, but I was scared I'd screw it up."
Did I mention I suck at this?
She replied saying that I wouldn't have, and that I'm a great guy. I messaged back once saying, "Thanks. I hope to see you again soon." But I've yet to hear back, though I sent that at 1am.
I bought an energy drink on the way to meet her, drank most of it and had the energy to last through the lengthy date.
I honestly think it went really well, and she said so herself. We were both shy about meeting eachother (in fact, she said she was scared, and her Mom even asked her to drive herself instead of getting into a car with someone she's never met). I'm hoping to see her again soon.
We texted for most of the day, and met at 8:30 yesterday evening. We went to Montana's and got some drinks, which was her idea. She ordered an alcoholic lemonade and then a beer, and I got a beer and a water, because I figured that I should stay sober in case we were going to go anywhere else.
We talked a lot, and had some really great conversation. She thought it was cute that I was shy and nervous, and said she wasn't nervous after a bit. I made her feel comfortable. The tablecloths also let you colour on them, so we did that as well.
She's interesting and a great listener, and we ended up talking for close to two hours. I asked her if she wanted to go to the movies about an hour into the date, and she said yes, so we decided on Krampus at 10:30. But man that movie sucked.
I asked for everything on one bill, paid it and tipped the waitress generously, and she thanked me but said I shouldn't have. Then, I drove us over to the movies and we left her car there, then returned for it later so that she was sober when she drove. Two drinks isn't a lot, but still.
I bought the tickets for the movie as well, although she gave me shit and said to let her pay for hers. I told her she could pay next time and she said okay.
During the date, we briefly talked about Star Wars because I said the new movie is coming out soon, and she said that she's never seen any so we should watch them sometime. Also seemed interested in going to see other movies.
As soon as we took our coats off and sat down in the theatre, she reached out and entwined her left hand in my right hand and we stayed like that for a while. I later tried to put the arm rest up and put my arm around her shoulders, and it worked for a bit, but was quite uncomfortable. We alternated for the rest of the movie.
She told me that she was abused in her last relationship, and that if we were to progress she would like to take things slowly. Since everyone has a different opinion of what slow means, I decided to ask her -- just out of curiosity -- and told her that her answer wouldn't change my mind on whether I wanted to see her again. I was simply curious. She said that she didn't really want to answer because it'd sound bad, but that she didn't want to hook up tonight or anything like that, which I wasn't expecting to do anyways. I wasn't prepared for it and was nervous to even kiss her.
At the end of the date, when I took her back to her car, she was about to get out (I opened the door the first time she got into the truck and tried to at the movies, but she got ahead of me at the restaurant and other people held the door open for us). I said I'm not exactly great at these goodbyes (didn't know what else to say. Bad, I know) and she started to reach out for a hug, then asked if I'd like to kiss. I said we should hug, because I chickened out and didn't want to put her on the spot for a kiss or screw it up because I know I'm a bad kisser.
We hugged, and she thanked me for a good night, said I'm a really nice guy and gave me shit for paying for everything, though she thanked me for that.
I asked her to text me when she got home, and she did. I sent her a message back saying, "Thanks for the great night and best date I've ever been on. You're a really nice, beautiful and interesting person, don't sell yourself short (she has depression). I wimped out at the end and kicked myself all the way home. It's not that I didn't want to kiss you, but I was scared I'd screw it up."
Did I mention I suck at this?
She replied saying that I wouldn't have, and that I'm a great guy. I messaged back once saying, "Thanks. I hope to see you again soon." But I've yet to hear back, though I sent that at 1am.
I went to apt 78 for Halloween up in the Heights, and it was pretty popping.
I'm from the lower east side tho, and you pretty much can't go wrong around here. Pianos is probably the spot everyone goes to but that whole block oa crazy popping on Friday/Saturday. Dunno how it is on a week night tho. You can try 13th step but that's def a bro/ college bar. I think Fat Buddha is a good middle ground, nice varied crowd though mostly Asian. Man, you rally can't go wrong around here.
Also yea, I really needa work on my bar in real life pick up game because it's non-existent
Fallout-NL
Member
Thanks for writing all that, I enjoyed reading it. Sounds like you did good! Also, don't worry about the not kissing her thing. Personally, I never go for that on the first date either, unless it's really super obvious that both parties want it to happen. But even then, there's no rush. Save it for when you're more comfortable. Now remember, relax! And don't worry about not hearing something for a bit. You can either wait for her to send another message or send one yourself after about a day or so (though whatever feels right will probably be fine as long as you don't start sending double messages, freak out when a couple of hours go by without reply, you start apologising for earlier messages, stuff like that
, just don't worry about it - one thing I have noticed in this game though that waiting for her to send another message does like 'work' - so when in doubt, just wait for a bit, be patient).I'm not. I suppose it's a good thing I definitely know now. Hell, I'm 25 and I've only ever been in 1 serious relationship. Meh
User 479360
Banned
Thanks for writing all that, I enjoyed reading it. Sounds like you did good! Also, don't worry about the not kissing her thing. Personally, I never go for that on the first date either, unless it's really super obvious that both parties want it to happen. But even then, there's no rush. Save it for when you're more comfortable. Now remember, relax! And don't worry about not hearing something for a bit. You can either wait for her to send another message or send one yourself after about a day or so (though whatever feels right will probably be fine as long as you don't start sending double messages, freak out when a couple of hours go by without reply, you start apologising for earlier messages, stuff like that
Thanks! I didn't expect it'd end up being so long!
And yeah, I think I did pretty well.
I'm planning to wait until I hear from her.
Good job, Chewie! Don't sweat the little details. If she likes you, they don't matter, and practice makes perfect.
You said way too much in the post-date txt. It's just been one date, don't overinvest and don't scare her away. I know you want to reassure her, but sometimes that can havethe opposite effect.
And don't overthink the txting frequency/speediness either
You said way too much in the post-date txt. It's just been one date, don't overinvest and don't scare her away. I know you want to reassure her, but sometimes that can havethe opposite effect.
And don't overthink the txting frequency/speediness either
User 479360
Banned
Thanks. I'll try not to.
Yeah, I assume I did. I just didn't want her to feel like I didn't want to kiss her, and figured I'd say honest but nice things to help her feel better about herself. I said them during the date, though.
Instead of saying you didn't want to screw up (putting yourself down), next time use her words and say you want to take it slow.
Your job is not to reassure her and be her safety blanket. Show, don't tell. Let your actions speak for themselves instead of wording out specifically how you feel. If you appreciate her, make her feel appreciated. Don't say 'I appreciate you'.
If you want to get more comfortable with the idea of kissing, next time at the beginning of the date, just greeting-kiss her on the cheeks. Over here it's standard. If it's atypical where you are, just say you wanted to see how the Europeans do it. Depending on where you're originally from, you could also say that's how you do it.
Your job is not to reassure her and be her safety blanket. Show, don't tell. Let your actions speak for themselves instead of wording out specifically how you feel. If you appreciate her, make her feel appreciated. Don't say 'I appreciate you'.
If you want to get more comfortable with the idea of kissing, next time at the beginning of the date, just greeting-kiss her on the cheeks. Over here it's standard. If it's atypical where you are, just say you wanted to see how the Europeans do it. Depending on where you're originally from, you could also say that's how you do it.
User 479360
Banned
Smart
One thing is that I didn't want to have the first kiss end up being me putting her on the spot. I think she was just letting things go at my speed because she knew I was nervous, and when I mentioned that I'm not good at goodbyes she brought up the hug and/or kiss.
I figured I'd prefer to have the latter be sporadic.
More-so, I just know that I'm bad at it and haven't had much experience, and don't know what I'm doing.
I think people just fail to deactivate their accounts.
Well and yeah there are some people on the site for years
Here's a secret: we're all bad at this. Some of us are just more experienced at being bad
The best thing is that it doesn't actually matter (like, at all) if she likes you, she'll let it all slide.Well you're not going to get better at it if you don't do it. Just tilt your head to the right, begin approach, close eyes. For a first kiss, you don't need to go all the way making out with tongue and hands searching her like the TSA.
If the girl does end up being more experienced than you, let her show you some moves
User 479360
Banned
Yeah, I've just had limited opportunities to actually kiss girls.
Another girl had messaged me out of the blue on POF, and she's pretty cute. About 8 years younger than me and much more outdoorsy, though.
She told me she thinks I'm cute, and we talked for a bit, then she stopped messaging. I figured that was it, but I just sent a message saying, "So..." to see what she'd say and she's been messaging me since.
I told her I couldn't message her last night because I was out with someone, and she decided we should stop talking because she doesn't want to get in the way.
The only reason I am talking to her is because it was just one date last night and I don't know where things are headed. If anything does become concrete, I will be deleting all of my online dating apps and profiles and will not be talking to any other girls.
I'm not that type of person
Another girl had messaged me out of the blue on POF, and she's pretty cute. About 8 years younger than me and much more outdoorsy, though.
She told me she thinks I'm cute, and we talked for a bit, then she stopped messaging. I figured that was it, but I just sent a message saying, "So..." to see what she'd say and she's been messaging me since.
I told her I couldn't message her last night because I was out with someone, and she decided we should stop talking because she doesn't want to get in the way.
The only reason I am talking to her is because it was just one date last night and I don't know where things are headed. If anything does become concrete, I will be deleting all of my online dating apps and profiles and will not be talking to any other girls.
I'm not that type of person
This is another clear example of saying too much.
What is 'that type of person'? The type of person that doesn't put all their eggs in one basket after one date?
I am pretty sure that I have a FWB thing with the girl I mentioned the last time I was on here, so I guess I am still single. Out of curiosity, I fired-up Tinder. And wow, Tinder is absolutely amazing. Non-stop matches and dates. It is so much better than OK Cupid, Match, and POF. I'm not sure why, but maybe because there are more people on there? Any Tinder tips that I might have missed?
From what I hear, people tend to use Tinder for more casual hook-ups than the other apps.
That's what I've heard too, but that's not the vibe that I'm getting. It could be my location, but most of the girls are looking for relationships and haven't really haven't given any indication of wanting to just hook-up. What is everyone on here using it for?
It leans towards hook-ups, but I have noticed over the past year, it has seen its share of women looking for a relationship. Those women tend to say they aren't looking for hook-ups in their profile. The women, if they are looking for hook-ups, aren't exactly advertising that in their profile.
There never seems to be any chemistry when we meet p
But the girl will be calling and texting me like crazy before we meet up.
I can't help but feel like I'm the problem? Maybe I'm dating out of my league? Are there leagues?
I've been described by females as "the guy who is attractive and totally clueless of that fact"
Edit: dammit first post new page
But the girl will be calling and texting me like crazy before we meet up.
I can't help but feel like I'm the problem? Maybe I'm dating out of my league? Are there leagues?
I've been described by females as "the guy who is attractive and totally clueless of that fact"
Edit: dammit first post new page
Code:
[img]https://i.imgflip.com/c657j.jpg[/img]I don't see how that is relevant at all.
You know how it is these days. Gotta be offended by every single thing ever.
Out of curiosity, and maybe you have stated this before, but how old are you and the women you usually date?
You probably are the problem. I had this problem many, many, many years ago. You gotta get in touch with your sexual side and push the boundaries a little. I could be totally wrong, but you're probably playing it too safe. Of course, there is going too far, but you'll never find that boundary if you don't take any risks, if you aren't doing so already. From my experience with women, men are either too safe and boring, or they push it too far too fast. Yeah, I think I just said a whole bunch of nothing.
I'm 36 and don't date lower than 30
Translation: Practice flirty touching and eye contact, but don't be rapey.
Really though, you could communication online/via text for months, but there's no better way to gauge chemistry than to meet in person. There's a reason we all recommend keeping the first date cheap, and it isn't because we're cheapasses (well, some of us aren't). It's because you'll end up going on a lot of 'em.
No you didn't and that makes sense
The day before, she asked me if I can do her a favor and not go from 0-100mph the first date, she has done that before and it ended badly yadda yadda. So maybe I did play it safe that one particular time. But she just seemed so disinterested in the conversations, she went from holding my hand into the restaraunt, holding my hand and being touchy (and me being playful right back) but then when we sat down and started having the normal conversations we would usually have, every response was one word and just awkward and weird. Walked her out end of the night to her car, long hug , she said "this was really nice" and that's when I knew I was getting the "no interest good luck" text 20 minutes later. She sent it at 2 in the morning, but still, when I saw it around 6 a.m I said 'yup you too' just to acknowledge it.
I think my problem is, I have zero problem being flirty, just some women are just not having that. which fine whatever that's cool, some are just more receptive to it, and some are too receptive to it.
And sometimes, you aren't the problem. You gotta remember that there are also other guys in the picture, so it could be that something better came along and they were just going out to compare the two of you, or going out to be nice after they found someone else. It happens.
I am always talking to and dating at least five different women and have an idea of who my first choice is. I even go out on dates just to be nice to girls I have no intention of seeing again, simply because I agreed on the date before someone better came along.
Out of all of this, I have learned that it is not enough to just not do anything wrong, or be a decent guy. You have to either blow a girl away or be her best option. When it comes to online dating, I never just stumble into bed with a girl or a relationship with her because I was just okay and didn't do anything wrong. It was because I blew her away or was her best option. Always gotta keep that in mind.
If potential dates are putting up roadblocks like that right away, the journey is usually going to end up going nowhere. Using that specific terminology hints that she's had shitty relationships and isn't in a good place to date to begin with. She probably really had no desire about actually dating, but might have done it out of guilt or sense of obligation.
How long are you waiting before you ask people out on dates? It also might be a case that you are waiting too long and all the usual small talk is already used up by the time you meet and then you have nothing to discuss.
User 479360
Banned
Almost all of my Tinder matches are bots who want me to email them. Hot girls are often bots, and even a bigger, less attractive girl I swiped right on ended up being one.
I think I'm going to delete the app because it's useless for me.
I think I'm going to delete the app because it's useless for me.
User 479360
Banned
Great idea, which surely works well. I just don't dance or enjoy it.
I learned my lesson, no longer than a week, which is s little difficult around the holidays.
I have heard from several "female friends" (don't want to get yelled at again) that girls go on these sites just to get a self esteem boost when fighting with their boyfriends, they don't write anyone back they just like to know that people are interested in them.
I of course bit my tongue
Nope, that's totally accurate. It's a big segment of the "profiles that no one will never date" quotient of dating sites. A lot of people will never go beyond the text/chat stage, if even that.
A willingness to leave your comfort zone and show a girl a good time plays well. Dancing's all just identifying the beat and not takinig yourself too seriously.
For the sake of discussion, let's talk alternatives. A girl wants you to show her a good time...something above a typical drinks/dinner/movie date. What do you do?