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[Assanova]

I've come to learn that outside of not being a complete idiot or thirsty when messaging girls, the only thing that matters are your profile pictures. As long as there are no obvious flaws with your profile, it's only purpose is to give women something to talk about when they message you.

Almost anything that you think is going to matter when you write your profile, you should be able to say it with a picture and short caption. I would put almost all effort into that, whether it is taking better pictures, presenting yourself better in photos, taking pictures every chance that you get, hiring a professional, etc. To be honest, I wouldn't even think about even attempting to write a crafty profile or messages until you are getting results from your pictures alone, otherwise, you are just wasting your time.

 

[Advocatus Diaboli]

I've come to learn that outside of not being a complete idiot or thirsty when messaging girls, the only thing that matters are your profile pictures. As long as there are no obvious flaws with your profile, it's only purpose is to give women something to talk about when they message you.

Almost anything that you think is going to matter when you write your profile, you should be able to say it with a picture and short caption. I would put almost all effort into that, whether it is taking better pictures, presenting yourself better in photos, taking pictures every chance that you get, hiring a professional, etc. To be honest, I wouldn't even think about even attempting to write a crafty profile or messages until you are getting results from your pictures alone, otherwise, you are just wasting your time.

Yeah, I basically agree with this. There are some niche exceptions, admittedly. But how do we view profiles? Right, as fodder for things to talk about in messages. Angling for smart girls? Okay, then you'd better fucking proofread it. Trying for a super-fit vegan? Well, talking about how much you enjoy bacon won't work.

I'm still sympathetic to the idea of a little wit going a long way, but the target audience for that isn't universal. Pictures are the immediate dealbreaker, anyway. I wouldn't go quite so far as Assanova, but only because I suspect that most people here would target girls who do read profiles. (But remember: everyone does this after looking at pictures.) So, yeah, pictures are dealbreakers.

 

[Lulubop]

You guys every worry that you don't look as good as your profile pictures? I mean in my experience, most girls don't.

 

[Palpable]

You guys every worry that you don't look as good as your profile pictures? I mean in my experience, most girls don't.

I for sure don't, and I look fugly in my pictures lolololol

 

[True Savior]

You guys every worry that you don't look as good as your profile pictures? I mean in my experience, most girls don't.

Outside of misleading photos (usually regarding the body), my experience is that girls always look much better than in the photos.

As for my own photos, I try not to think too much about it.

 

[Assanova]

You guys every worry that you don't look as good as your profile pictures? I mean in my experience, most girls don't.

I was told that I look even better than my profile pictures. Most girls don't look as good because they edit the hell out of their pictures before posting them. At some point, I am going to cough up the money to get a few professional shots taken.

 

[Lulubop]

I've been told that as well, but I believe it was just courtesy. But I have self confidence issues anyway, so whateves.

 

[gaiages]

You guys every worry that you don't look as good as your profile pictures? I mean in my experience, most girls don't.

I know I do (did), because while I never touched up my pictures or anything, I could look quite different in terms of skin tone and other stuff simply by the lighting. I'm neither as pale or as tan as I look in most pictures >.>"

 

[Llyranor]

Good pictures are extremely important, of course. But if you're a bit of an eccentric, putting the effort into writing a profile to match who you are goes a long long way in terms of ensuring compatible personalities from people you might potential meet. A sort of lithmus test.

 

[Advocatus Diaboli]

You guys every worry that you don't look as good as your profile pictures? I mean in my experience, most girls don't.

I look way better than my pictures. I've never had a girl look as good as hers, though.

 

[BokehKing]

I worry more about the way I talk in text messages don't match with my monotone Long Island accented voice

I have always been told I look better in person than in pictures, which usually just depresses me slightly lol

 

[BokehKing]

I was told that I look even better than my profile pictures. Most girls don't look as good because they edit the hell out of their pictures before posting them. At some point, I am going to cough up the money to get a few professional shots taken.

Yeah, ever since I learned photoshop, it has become more painfully obvious which girls have lightened/smoothed out there face some

 

[User 479360]

She sent me a message last night saying, "I like you, but think I should be in a better emotional place before starting a relationship."

 

[dskillzhtown]

She sent me a message last night saying, "I like you, but think I should be in a better emotional place before starting a relationship."

Atleast she was honest. I got a text from a girl I was seeing that said, "I really like talking to you and spending time with you, I just don't feel an romantic connection."

I told her that I figured something wasn't right as she seemed to never really relax. She the more I got to know her, the more she would tell ma about everything she didn't like about herself. How she was planning to get lipo, getting some plastic surgery done on her face, thinking about getting hair extensions, had an MRI because she thought because she couldn't remember anything she had a brain tumor, etc. It kind of turned me off because it was obvious she was NOT happy with herself, so how could she be happy with anyone else?

She asked if we could be friends, I told her I didn't feel the need to be her friend and bid her a farewell. To me, the entire episode brings up the totally unrealistic thoughts some have towards a relationship. At the end of the day it is a really close, intense friendship. I think some buy into the BS that movies portray of birds singing, sun shining, and an orchestra playing in the background when it is really more about having someone you can trust and depend on to be there. But we all have our thoughts on what we want and need in life.

 

[BokehKing]

I was told that I look even better than my profile pictures. Most girls don't look as good because they edit the hell out of their pictures before posting them. At some point, I am going to cough up the money to get a few professional shots taken.

Like modeling pictures or just you know a friend with a good camera?

I made a couple hundred bucks advertising on my tinder that I would do profile shots for people that just have flip phone camera quality profile pictures. Charged $50 for 10-15 shots

 

[Assanova]

Atleast she was honest. I got a text from a girl I was seeing that said, "I really like talking to you and spending time with you, I just don't feel an romantic connection."

I told her that I figured something wasn't right as she seemed to never really relax. She the more I got to know her, the more she would tell ma about everything she didn't like about herself. How she was planning to get lipo, getting some plastic surgery done on her face, thinking about getting hair extensions, had an MRI because she thought because she couldn't remember anything she had a brain tumor, etc. It kind of turned me off because it was obvious she was NOT happy with herself, so how could she be happy with anyone else?

She asked if we could be friends, I told her I didn't feel the need to be her friend and bid her a farewell. To me, the entire episode brings up the totally unrealistic thoughts some have towards a relationship. At the end of the day it is a really close, intense friendship. I think some buy into the BS that movies portray of birds singing, sun shining, and an orchestra playing in the background when it is really more about having someone you can trust and depend on to be there. But we all have our thoughts on what we want and need in life.

I don't even think about friendship. To me, it is about women having the basics down, which is a decent job, isn't incredibly messy, has her financials in order, we get along, is educated, is decent-looking, and is reliable. All of that extra stuff is just a nice bonus. None of that extra stuff matters to me if she doesn't have the basics down. You'd be surprised at how many women out there are incredibly messy and don't have their financials in order.

 

[Assanova]

Like modeling pictures or just you know a friend with a good camera?

I made a couple hundred bucks advertising on my tinder that I would do profile shots for people that just have flip phone camera quality profile pictures. Charged $50 for 10-15 shots

I haven't thought that far ahead yet, so I haven't done any research. To me, it sounds like a worthwhile investment.

 

[Salamando]

I don't even think about friendship. To me, it is about women having the basics down, which is a decent job, isn't incredibly messy, has her financials in order, we get along, is educated, is decent-looking, and is reliable. All of that extra stuff is just a nice bonus. None of that extra stuff matters to me if she doesn't have the basics down. You'd be surprised at how many women out there are incredibly messy and don't have their financials in order.

If you wanted to surprise me, you'd say "you'd be surprised at how many women out there have pincers near their vagina for when men get too hands on and she don't want any". That a lot of women people from 20-35 aren't financially stable isn't surprising, just a depressing reality.

 

[Assanova]

If you wanted to surprise me, you'd say "you'd be surprised at how many women out there have pincers near their vagina for when men get too hands on and she don't want any". That a lot of women people from 20-35 aren't financially stable isn't surprising, just a depressing reality.

I don't mind a woman not being financially stable. What I do mind are women with terrible financial habits and women with six figures worth of college debt and no realistic way to ever pay it off and live a decent life. Unless you are going into a medical or engineering field, there is absolutely no reason six figures worth of college debt will ever be worth the investment. These women (and men) will financially struggle for the next thirty years. I want no part of that.

 

[User 479360]

She sent me a message today, saying to save her from work, which I obviously can't, then asked what I'm doing for New Year's. Neither of us have plans, so she asked if she could come over and hang out with me in my gaming room (a bedroom I have downstairs), and she'd buy the booze.

It'll be awkward since I live at home and get really nervous bringing women back (I have once in my life), and my OCD is bad down there. I'm worried, but I guess it'll be okay.

 

[gaiages]

I don't mind a woman not being financially stable. What I do mind are women with terrible financial habits and women with six figures worth of college debt and no realistic way to ever pay it off and live a decent life. Unless you are going into a medical or engineering field, there is absolutely no reason six figures worth of college debt will ever be worth the investment. These women (and men) will financially struggle for the next thirty years. I want no part of that.

As someone that just hit six figure student debt in a non medical, law, or engineering field (though a well paying field), I do not blame you in the least. Student loan debt is a sapping and horrible thing, and if it doesn't look like it's going to be paid off in a reasonable amount of time, it's just a constant drag on finances.

 

[davidwhangchoi]

Hi there OCDChewie!
sounds like the second girl may be going through some ups and downs (emotionally high and low) if she let it be known she wants to take it slow then last minute wanting to drive over spontaneously... she may wanted to impulsively do things (lol), have fun, was rebuffed, and then realizing she's not ready for a relationship apologetically, offering to host you drinks.

depending on your objective, (to survey the field, check out the first girl, get in this girls pants quick or want to get to know her more... and be patient) it looks like you a few options to decide.

the other posters are correct: you could've got in her pants quick but reminded her of her own words of taking it slow.
the question is what do you want now: check out the other girl? find a way back in bed quick? be patient with her?

whatever you decide, i'm sure she may be open to some kind of connection.

She sent me a message last night saying, "I like you, but think I should be in a better emotional place before starting a relationship."

She sent me a message today, saying to save her from work, which I obviously can't, then asked what I'm doing for New Year's. Neither of us have plans, so she asked if she could come over and hang out with me in my gaming room (a bedroom I have downstairs), and she'd buy the booze.

It'll be awkward since I live at home and get really nervous bringing women back (I have once in my life), and my OCD is bad down there. I'm worried, but I guess it'll be okay.

just re-quoting to be more cohesive:
OCDChewie, sounds like she's interested in you! her will power of not wanting to start anything is unstable. i don't she'll be firm but will go back and forth. hopefully you come out if it unscathed (be careful). it sounds like she wants companionship or at least stay connected for something further when she gets to a better place.

]Unless you are going into a medical or engineering field, there is absolutely no reason six figures worth of college debt will ever be worth the investment. These women (and men) will financially struggle for the next thirty years. I want no part of that.

i think you need to rule out 95% BU and NYU graduates. lol

 

[Salamando]

She sent me a message today, saying to save her from work, which I obviously can't, then asked what I'm doing for New Year's. Neither of us have plans, so she asked if she could come over and hang out with me in my gaming room (a bedroom I have downstairs), and she'd buy the booze.

It'll be awkward since I live at home and get really nervous bringing women back (I have once in my life), and my OCD is bad down there. I'm worried, but I guess it'll be okay.

Hanging out on New Years Eve while getting drunk by yourselves. There is no way she has ulterior motives there and just wants to hang out as friends [/sarcasm].

You need to decide, right now, what you want out of your relationship - friends, or more than friends. If its just friends, you need to recognize when she puts moves on you and put a stop to them. "Hey chewie, it's close to midnight. Shame neither of us has anyone to kiss..."

I would like more than friends.

Good luck. Just don't let your desire to be with someone lead you to enter a relationship with anyone. This girl's signals are more mixed than a cocktail.

 

[User 479360]

Yeah, I'm thinking that too, but do know I should tread carefully. I have a penchant for going all in emotionally, though, but need to keep my head.

I would like more than friends.

 

[gaiages]

Good luck. Just don't let your desire to be with someone lead you to enter a relationship with anyone. This girl's signals are more mixed than a cocktail.

And more explosive than a molotov version

Spoiler

i'll see myself out

 

[War Peaceman]

Just updated my profile on OKC. Mind critiquing it and the pics?

https://www.okcupid.com/profile/afrocious

Really nice profile, man. Short, snappy, has a clear sense of personality, good spread of pictures. I approve.

 

[Llyranor]

The first two movies on your list are Fury Road and The Raid. You're good to go.

 

[Leeness]

I've apparently answered all questions on OKC.

...RIP me. 😩

 

[davidwhangchoi]

^ Good Luck! I'm sure you don't need it =)

 

[BokehKing]

Lmao that moment when that girl that only gave you one word responses on tinder 4 weeks ago, ends up being the girl my brother has been going out with the last few nights that he found on tinder.

I'm happy for him of course, he has the personality of a cave man, pick things up , put things down type of guy.

But I always worry about him because he is my little (but bigger and taller brother) so I'm just happy he is happy.


Still laughed my ass off though, she recognized me immediately

 

[brawly]

I'm new to this stuff. Are men supposed to be writing questions and not receiving any in return?

 

[BokehKing]

I'm new to this stuff. Are men supposed to be writing questions and not receiving any in return?

Yes

You have to understand a lot of women don't even want to be on there, and simply being a woman on there means they are getting like 30 messages an hour, guys sending dick picks, being desperate and saying foul shit if they don't get a response.

 

[brawly]

Yes

You have to understand a lot of women don't even want to be on there, and simply being a woman on there means they are getting like 30 messages an hour, guys sending dick picks, being desperate and saying foul shit if they don't get a response.

Makes sense. I'm really picky so whenever I get matched it feels like a christmas gift, but I keep asking the questions and getting one liners as answers and it kind of gets weird after a while, like I'm just a means to waste a bit of time. Maybe I'm overthinking it.

 

[Assanova]

Makes sense. I'm really picky so whenever I get matched it feels like a christmas gift, but I keep asking the questions and getting one liners as answers and it kind of gets weird after a while, like I'm just a means to waste a bit of time. Maybe I'm overthinking it.

This is exactly what it is. Do not waste your time with women who are giving you one line responses. They are just seeking attention.

 

[BokehKing]

Makes sense. I'm really picky so whenever I get matched it feels like a christmas gift, but I keep asking the questions and getting one liners as answers and it kind of gets weird after a while, like I'm just a means to waste a bit of time. Maybe I'm overthinking it.

Yeah if I get one word responses I just stop bothering to talk to them and find someone that wants to actually talk

 

[brawly]

This is exactly what it is. Do not waste your time with women who are giving you one line responses. They are just seeking attention.

Yeah if I get one word responses I just stop bothering to talk to them and find someone that wants to actually talk

Yeah, I guess. It's hard though cause these are +8's on looks in my book and I get my hopes up each time. lol

 

[Leeness]

^ Good Luck! I'm sure you don't need it =)

Lmao. You have no idea.

 

[GK86]

Yeah, I guess. It's hard though cause these are +8's on looks in my book and I get my hopes up each time. lol

It helps to keep expectations low (in terms of talking, meeting them, etc) since online dating is fickle as fuck.

 

[Assanova]

Yeah, I guess. It's hard though cause these are +8's on looks in my book and I get my hopes up each time. lol

You need to have multiple women in your rotation until you decide to be in an exclusive relationship. This takes away a lot of getting stuck on one woman.

 

[BokehKing]

I hate when a girl says right before the first date
"Just so you know I'm keeping my options open and I'm talking to other guys"

It's like yeah....no shit, no reason to announce it though.

I guess I should have realized how she rolled when she first started talking to me and was like "this guy wants to take me out but now you're in the picture"

 

[brawly]

It helps to keep expectations low (in terms of talking, meeting them, etc) since online dating is fickle as fuck.

I already feel my enthusiasm dwindle so I'm getting there.

You need to have multiple women in your rotation until you decide to be in an exclusive relationship. This takes away a lot of getting stuck on one woman.

Rotation is hard when you're really picky (no idea whether I look good or not). I usually get matched, start the conversation and then get thrown in the old routine and lose interest/motivation. I'm not exactly overflowing with matches but I'm not looking for that.

 

[davidwhangchoi]

Lmao. You have no idea.

Oh no why do you feel that way? Are you too hard on yourself or a perfectionist(too picky)?

i'm sure it'll be the people trying to get your attention wishing for luck =)

 

[Palpable]

I think I'm gonna remake my tinder account. It's the holdiays and I'm getting that old familiar feeling of my mind longing my ex.

 

[twinturbo2]

I'm going to go ahead and get back onto POF on Monday, once the holidays are over, and try again on this.

 

[Advocatus Diaboli]

Hi, JV thread bros and gals.

Good lord, I forgot how annoying messaging was. Chatting with a couple now - fortunately, the holidays means my delays can be forgiven. Traded numbers with one after a message, and we're planning something when she's back in town on the 4th or 5th. (I figure I'll text her Happy New Year, but I have no interest in texting for a week until then.)

The other's still on OKC, and I need to reply to her response. My first thought was, "You're so pretty, but why can't you use commas?" This isn't going to end well; I guess I'll reply though. A friend of mine recommended Bumble, and I may just go with that instead of OKC.

Finally, for all you Tinder strugglers, here's a free opening line:

How do you find Will Smith in the snow?

Spoiler

Fresh prints.

 

[Assanova]

On a side note, online dating is pretty much going to ruin marriage and relationships. Before I took it seriously back in the summer, I was all about a relationship and settling down. Once I figured out how it worked, I slowly started drifting away from wanting a relationship or kids. I still desire companionship, but I'm really starting to wonder if working through problems in a relationship is worth it when it is so easy to replace women if there are no kids involved. I never thought getting new women would get any easier than college, but here we are...

 

[Salamando]

Holy shit. If what I experienced tonight is what you guys typically experience when you take girls out to a bar, I need to take more girls out to a bar! Fuck. I've never had a girl make it so clear how into me she was. Both through her actions (playing with her hair before drink#1) and words.

And to think, last week I was in a panic that she cancelled day of the date and didn't respond the entire weekend.

 

[Leeness]

Oh no why do you feel that way? Are you too hard on yourself or a perfectionist(too picky)?

i'm sure it'll be the people trying to get your attention wishing for luck =)

Haha, men and I have a mutual dislike of each other. It's just how it is. There will be no relationships for me, and there is no one trying to get my attention haha.

 

[neurochasm]

Hi, JV thread bros and gals.

Good lord, I forgot how annoying messaging was. Chatting with a couple now - fortunately, the holidays means my delays can be forgiven. Traded numbers with one after a message, and we're planning something when she's back in town on the 4th or 5th. (I figure I'll text her Happy New Year, but I have no interest in texting for a week until then.)

The other's still on OKC, and I need to reply to her response. My first thought was, "You're so pretty, but why can't you use commas?" This isn't going to end well; I guess I'll reply though. A friend of mine recommended Bumble, and I may just go with that instead of OKC.

Finally, for all you Tinder strugglers, here's a free opening line:

How do you find Will Smith in the snow?

Spoiler

Fresh prints.

Bumble is kinda crazy. Lots of super attractive accomplished women are on it, and they have to message first. I went a little swipe happy the first few days and ended up with more messages than I was expecting. Not used to getting messaged first, at all (probably helps being a relative rarity - a dude in my mid/late 30s with no kids swiping right on people my own age, I'm not some super looker). All the conversations ended up dying though. Made the mistake of typing out essays to these poor women on a swipe site and either they lost interest or I got apathetic about meeting and let the conversations die. Someone more tinder savvy will kill on there I think.

Haha, men and I have a mutual dislike of each other. It's just how it is. There will be no relationships for me, and there is no one trying to get my attention haha.

As in, nobody seems interesting? Or all the interesting people aren't interested? I seem to have that problem on OKC too.

 

[BlitzEngineer]

Well GAF, spent Christmas in Dallas with the family. Only had 3 days so I wasnt going to be able to do anything but passed a small amount of time swiping on tinder and browsing OKC.

Got five matches on tinder and basically doubled my likes on OKC in these three days, and had some good conversations, with one super cool girl asking if I wanted to come play Mario Kart in her apartment.

All this action in 3 days. Of course I had absolutely no time to actually meet up with any of these women. But I think it's encouraging that maybe my struggles in FL are more tied to my location than my shortcomings.

Doesn't look like I'll have a date for new years but I work that next morning so maybe that's for the best.