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[Advocatus Diaboli]

I generally don't rethink things, but now I'm curious: if you've already exchanged a few messages with someone and also phone numbers, but one party's out of town for the holidays and won't be back for another week, do you even bother with texting? I'm at the point where I don't want to waste time with texting - period - since we've already agreed on a date and I'm not thirsty, but the idea of waiting until next weekend and trying to schedule something also seems slightly off.

Anything particularly wrong about just sending a Happy NYE text and calling it a day?

 

[Jokab]

I generally don't rethink things, but now I'm curious: if you've already exchanged a few messages with someone and also phone numbers, but one party's out of town for the holidays and won't be back for another week, do you even bother with texting? I'm at the point where I don't want to waste time with texting - period - since we've already agreed on a date and I'm not thirsty, but the idea of waiting until next weekend and trying to schedule something also seems slightly off.

Anything particularly wrong about just sending a Happy NYE text and calling it a day?

I'm probably the last person to ask about texting advice, but I'd say there's nothing wrong with that. Maybe follow up with what she's up to just to have a small conversation. The idea should be to keep you in her mind.

 

[Fallout-NL]

I generally don't rethink things, but now I'm curious: if you've already exchanged a few messages with someone and also phone numbers, but one party's out of town for the holidays and won't be back for another week, do you even bother with texting? I'm at the point where I don't want to waste time with texting - period - since we've already agreed on a date and I'm not thirsty, but the idea of waiting until next weekend and trying to schedule something also seems slightly off.

Anything particularly wrong about just sending a Happy NYE text and calling it a day?

I always thought it was slightly weird to not say anything for the entire period. So I sent the occasional message in those situations. But keep it to a minimum when you've already got a date set.

 

[Saganator]

So I've been dating a girl for about a month. Things seemed to be going really well. We actually first met on AOL over 15 years ago, hung out a couple times, but never went far because we lived so far away. We reconnected and went on a date, and other than her being nervous about me living with a female friend whom I dated briefly, things seemed to be on a path to something really great. Even made plans to see a concert which is a month away.

We've been talking for a month now, dates on the weekend and lots of texting and phone calls during the week. Our texts consisted of things like "I'm so lucky to have met you, I miss you. You're amazing" pretty much all day long.

Christmas rolls around, during all the commotion I forgot to send her my usual good morning text message. She ends up texting me "Merry Christmas babe!" to which I respond and ask how everything is going. No response all day.

Day after Christmas, I text her good morning and ask how her Christmas went. No response.

This morning I text her Good morning, I know that her sister is leaving for alcohol rehab today so I wished her well with that as well.

Been a few hours since that text and I've seen her posting on Facebook so it's not like she isn't able to communicate. Been about 2 days with no word from her.

Feels like I've been given the cold shoulder, and not a clue why. At what point do I send her a farewell fuck you? I want to right now, but I think I should give it some more time.

 

[Salamando]

I generally don't rethink things, but now I'm curious: if you've already exchanged a few messages with someone and also phone numbers, but one party's out of town for the holidays and won't be back for another week, do you even bother with texting? I'm at the point where I don't want to waste time with texting - period - since we've already agreed on a date and I'm not thirsty, but the idea of waiting until next weekend and trying to schedule something also seems slightly off.

Anything particularly wrong about just sending a Happy NYE text and calling it a day?

I just enter a holding pattern. Every other day, 3-4 texts. Enough to stay present in her mind, not enough to get (or appear) overly invested.

This morning I text her Good morning, I know that her sister is leaving for alcohol rehab today so I wished her well with that as well.

Been a few hours since that text and I've seen her posting on Facebook so it's not like she isn't able to communicate. Been about 2 days with no word from her.

Feels like I've been given the cold shoulder, and not a clue why. At what point do I send her a farewell fuck you? I want to right now, but I think I should give it some more time.

If it was anything like when my sister left for alcohol rehab, it was a trial. It was exhausting. I literally got sick from dealing with it all.

Don't send her a farewell fuck you. Give her a few days, and if she never responds, just send one last text asking something like "are you okay?"

 

[Assanova]

So I've been dating a girl for about a month. Things seemed to be going really well. We actually first met on AOL over 15 years ago, hung out a couple times, but never went far because we lived so far away. We reconnected and went on a date, and other than her being nervous about me living with a female friend whom I dated briefly, things seemed to be on a path to something really great. Even made plans to see a concert which is a month away.

We've been talking for a month now, dates on the weekend and lots of texting and phone calls during the week. Our texts consisted of things like "I'm so lucky to have met you, I miss you. You're amazing" pretty much all day long.

Christmas rolls around, during all the commotion I forgot to send her my usual good morning text message. She ends up texting me "Merry Christmas babe!" to which I respond and ask how everything is going. No response all day.

Day after Christmas, I text her good morning and ask how her Christmas went. No response.

This morning I text her Good morning, I know that her sister is leaving for alcohol rehab today so I wished her well with that as well.

Been a few hours since that text and I've seen her posting on Facebook so it's not like she isn't able to communicate. Been about 2 days with no word from her.

Feels like I've been given the cold shoulder, and not a clue why. At what point do I send her a farewell fuck you? I want to right now, but I think I should give it some more time.

I wouldn't send her anything. You've texted her 2-3 times already. It is on her to text you back. I wouldn't even send her a farewell text. The ball is in her court now. I would leave it at that.

 

[gaiages]

Hi, JV thread bros and gals.

Good lord, I forgot how annoying messaging was. Chatting with a couple now - fortunately, the holidays means my delays can be forgiven. Traded numbers with one after a message, and we're planning something when she's back in town on the 4th or 5th. (I figure I'll text her Happy New Year, but I have no interest in texting for a week until then.)

The other's still on OKC, and I need to reply to her response. My first thought was, "You're so pretty, but why can't you use commas?" This isn't going to end well; I guess I'll reply though. A friend of mine recommended Bumble, and I may just go with that instead of OKC.

Finally, for all you Tinder strugglers, here's a free opening line:

How do you find Will Smith in the snow?

Spoiler

Fresh prints.

Hey, at least it's better than people that use commas instead of periods, I mean I use run-on sentences and too many commas sometimes, but it isn't nearly as bad as these people, maybe their period key is broken, that has to be the case, they really must realize what they're doing by now, are English and writing classes a joke or something, how will they ever write a professional letter like this, geez. Oh wait, their . key works after all, they just suck.

On a side note, online dating is pretty much going to ruin marriage and relationships. Before I took it seriously back in the summer, I was all about a relationship and settling down. Once I figured out how it worked, I slowly started drifting away from wanting a relationship or kids. I still desire companionship, but I'm really starting to wonder if working through problems in a relationship is worth it when it is so easy to replace women if there are no kids involved. I never thought getting new women would get any easier than college, but here we are...

I'm sure that mindset exists with a lot of people, but there are still plenty that yearn for an actual relationship out there, since relationships have an actual connection that casual dating usually doesn't. But, then again people are a lot pickier now since they have way more options, lol.

 

[Saganator]

I just enter a holding pattern. Every other day, 3-4 texts. Enough to stay present in her mind, not enough to get (or appear) overly invested.

If it was anything like when my sister left for alcohol rehab, it was a trial. It was exhausting. I literally got sick from dealing with it all.

Don't send her a farewell fuck you. Give her a few days, and if she never responds, just send one last text asking something like "are you okay?"

I wouldn't send her anything. You've texted her 2-3 times already. It is on her to text you back. I wouldn't even send her a farewell text. The ball is in her court now. I would leave it at that.

Thanks for the responses. My room mate offered the same advice. I don't want to add more stress to her life right now, so I'll hold off for another day or two. Not gonna keep my hopes up, we were supposed to set plans for New Years after Christmas and doesn't look like like that's going to happen.

Oh and the farewell would be more of a, "nice knowing you, but kind of disappointed in you as person with the could shoulder. Thought you were better than that, cya"

 

[Assanova]

Thanks for the responses. My room mate offered the same advice. I don't want to add more stress to her life right now, so I'll hold off for another day or two. Not gonna keep my hopes up, we were supposed to set plans for New Years after Christmas and doesn't look like like that's going to happen.

Oh and the farewell would be more of a, "nice knowing you, but kind of disappointed in you as person with the could shoulder. Thought you were better than that, cya"

What is there to wait on? I would just move on. If she texts you, then great. And if she doesn't, then you're already working on the next girl. Waiting around on one girl is the type of mindset that makes men come off as needy and without other options. Very unattractive to women.

 

[yiepekaiyei]

not sure if this was addressed before, but i have a question for all of you Happn users. When I dislike a person, can she still see me in her list of matches? Thx in advance!

 

[BokehKing]

This bumble /bundle whatever app appears to have a higher quality of women, they all look like they are making $100,000.00 a year, that intimidates me a little.

The women in general have it just as bad as the men on these sites, ever notice the same 50 women are on every site you go on

 

[davidwhangchoi]

Haha, men and I have a mutual dislike of each other. It's just how it is. There will be no relationships for me, and there is no one trying to get my attention haha.

I enjoy self deprecating posts, keep it authentic w/ cynical wit! heheh
always wanted to start a post w/: "Real talk for a second,..." lol
anyways, for the first part... if it's not too much drama, share some scenarios of this mutual dislike dilemma you have w/ guys. it sounds complex. complex = depth of thought!

 

[Lulubop]

I generally don't rethink things, but now I'm curious: if you've already exchanged a few messages with someone and also phone numbers, but one party's out of town for the holidays and won't be back for another week, do you even bother with texting? I'm at the point where I don't want to waste time with texting - period - since we've already agreed on a date and I'm not thirsty, but the idea of waiting until next weekend and trying to schedule something also seems slightly off.

Anything particularly wrong about just sending a Happy NYE text and calling it a day?

My last week was pretty much this with several girls, since most left town due to the holidays. I think I'll do the Happy New Year too.

 

[A Human Becoming]

I got an email the other day from OkCupid saying a woman was viewing my profile and that we are a good match (88%). It was odd as I have my account set that women can't see that I visited their profile and in turn I can't see who visits mine. Coincidentally just before I had deleted all the dating apps off my phone: OkCupid, Bumble and Tinder.

So I messaged her and we've sent three messages each so far. We go to the same gym and also runs. She mentioned in her profile needing someone to help her with the equipment. I'm not an expert but I've used quite a few of them and have had the staff teach me before. I'm never certain when I should ask to meet up.

 

[Assanova]

For all of you on the fence about jumping back in or not, now is the perfect time to do so. I pretty much knew this already, but Match just sent an email confirming that the time between now and Valentine's day is the busiest time for online dating. I'm guessing that it is a combination of people breaking up over the holidays and women wanting someone to be with for Valentine's day.

December is probably the slowest month all year for online dating. Prospects pretty much dried up for everyone, so you shouldn't be discouraged if online dating hasn't been too kind to you lately.

 

[Lulubop]

Had a dead week, a lot of people out of town and I had to work Saturday night. Whatever.

That said I went on a date with this Filipina girl about two weeks ago. After the date we were texting each other constantly, but she kinda stopped early last week. We snapchat a bit on Christmas Eve, and I Friday I hit her up to say Merry Christmas and ask her when I can see her again next week. She said she is still free Monday (Had mentioned this before, but I wasn't sure of my schedule at the time), I say yea let's do that and I haven't heard from her since. Idk man, not texting her again and it's whatever. I'm not trying to iron out details on the day.

 

[Leeness]

As in, nobody seems interesting? Or all the interesting people aren't interested? I seem to have that problem on OKC too.

Both and neither haha. I will never date or have a relationship.

I enjoy self deprecating posts, keep it authentic w/ cynical wit! heheh
always wanted to start a post w/: "Real talk for a second,..." lol
anyways, for the first part... if it's not too much drama, share some scenarios of this mutual dislike dilemma you have w/ guys. it sounds complex. complex = depth of thought!

It's not that complex. I don't like men and don't trust them, they don't like me/think I'm ugly. Pretty cut and dry lol.

 

[Advocatus Diaboli]

Both and neither haha. I will never date or have a relationship.



It's not that complex. I don't like men and don't trust them, they don't like me/think I'm ugly. Pretty cut and dry lol.

This is actually really complex. It's patently unfair to paint everyone with such a broad brush. Granted, this probably isn't the right thread for it, but I'm going to offer a counterfactual: I'm a guy and I don't not not like you, nor do I think you're ugly. I imagine that the same holds for the vast majority of men reading this.

Anyway, it's not so cut and dry. Frankly, the same goes for anyone else listening; it's rarely as cut and dry as you think.

 

[Palpable]

Both and neither haha. I will never date or have a relationship.

Then why are you on okc

 

[True Savior]

Online dating (Tinder) has this very perverse side that, after matching with certain girls I've become picky. Too picky. At times I feel that I'm loosing the opportunity to meet very nice gals just because of a bad photo. Especially when I'm matching with girls that are an absolute bore to talk with, no matter how great they (think they) look.

 

[Kyne]

Then why are you on okc

I think she's looking for friends.

A long time ago I remember someone who was sort of just looking for a forever-guy-friend and for some reason her name comes to mind.

Sorry Leeness, I don't mean to talk about you as if you're not here. I think your avatar was different back then so I'm not quite sure, which is why I'm phrasing it like I am.

Your biggest struggle was finding a guy who wanted to just be really good friends, without all the icky-ness that is a sexual relationship, right?

I'd like to add some advice to your conundrum but I think I want to confirm that you're the person I think you are first..

 

[Saganator]

What is there to wait on? I would just move on. If she texts you, then great. And if she doesn't, then you're already working on the next girl. Waiting around on one girl is the type of mindset that makes men come off as needy and without other options. Very unattractive to women.

I get what you're saying but this wasn't some little fling. If it was, I would've wrote her off by now. Yes, only dating for a month but there were lots of long phone and text conversations about a future together sprinkled in there, as well as a couple weekends spent together where we both had a blast. Our last phone conversation ended very pleasantly and no indication of an issue. The last month of my life has basically been a cheesy romcom flick, which is why I'm hung up on this.

So I messaged her and we've sent three messages each so far. We go to the same gym and also runs. She mentioned in her profile needing someone to help her with the equipment. I'm not an expert but I've used quite a few of them and have had the staff teach me before. I'm never certain when I should ask to meet up.

You should definitely ask to meet up. I know I've missed out on a few dates due to me beating around the bush for too long. Now I usually ask to meet up with in the first few messages.

 

[NoctisVsStar]

It's not that complex. I don't like men and don't trust them, they don't like me/think I'm ugly. Pretty cut and dry lol.

you know my opinion of this

Spoiler

I think you're gorgeous

too bad you ain't a New Yorker ;P

 

[Leeness]

This is actually really complex. It's patently unfair to paint everyone with such a broad brush. Granted, this probably isn't the right thread for it, but I'm going to offer a counterfactual: I'm a guy and I don't not not like you, nor do I think you're ugly. I imagine that the same holds for the vast majority of men reading this.

Anyway, it's not so cut and dry. Frankly, the same goes for anyone else listening; it's rarely as cut and dry as you think.

Haha that's all well and good to say on the internet but I can assure you, if you and I were ever going to meet in person, your natural instincts would kick in and you'd bail And if you tried to tough it out and meet me once to prove a point (or possibly win a bet), you'd be done after that.

That's just how it works for me.

I think she's looking for friends.

That's me.

you know my opinion of this

Spoiler

I think you're gorgeous

too bad you ain't a New Yorker ;P

Pft.

 

[Advocatus Diaboli]

Drunken OKC messaging after realizing you'll never have a meaningful, non-superficial relationship with your father -- cue the following --

... yeah, that's the best. It also makes you quote Fresh Prince lines in 4am messages. (Still got two lengthy replies from this girl, though. I guess it really doesn't matter what you say.)

 

[A Human Becoming]

You should definitely ask to meet up. I know I've missed out on a few dates due to me beating around the bush for too long. Now I usually ask to meet up with in the first few messages.

If she responds to my last message (a couple hours away from being sent a day ago) I'll ask to meet at the gym. If she doesn't, it's not the first time, nor I'm sure will be the last, where I waited too long.

 

[Kyne]

That's me.

Mhm.

Do you have that in your profile anywhere? That you're just looking for friendship?

Also, if it's a specific kind of friendship, you might want to be descriptive about it. Some people can take it the wrong way.

If that's you in your avatar then Noctis isn't wrong, you're quite cute. That could actually be hurting your chances of meeting friends via online dating sites.

Honestly you might be better off putting a paper bag over your head in your profile picture..

mhm..

.. but then later you'd take it off and they'd find out your attractive and then their thoughts of friendship become romantic ones??? Yeah, that probably wouldn't work.

Let's go with the first plan. Make your profile about making friends only, and be adamant about it.

 

[NoctisVsStar]

Pft.

What do I gotta do to make you believe 8

Mhm.

If that's you in your avatar then Noctis isn't wrong, you're quite cute. That could actually be hurting your chances of meeting friends via online dating sites.

That's her but for some reason she probably think I'm teasing her ;_; mind you I've been saying this from last dec lol

 

[Leeness]

Mhm.

Do you have that in your profile anywhere? That you're just looking for friendship?

Also, if it's a specific kind of friendship, you might want to be descriptive about it. Some people can take it the wrong way.

Make your profile about making friends only, and be adamant about it.

I have it as "I'm looking for a friend first and foremost". And in the "I am looking for", I have it as "looking for new friends" and I don't have "short or long term dating" in there. But writing "just friends" means absolutely zero people talk to me.

This way, even though most of the messages I get are still either "u hav boobs" or 19 year old boys, or guys who look like serial killers in their pictures, at least people message so there's a chance a message won't be one of the above...lol.

 

[GK86]

I have it as "I'm looking for a friend first and foremost". And in the "I am looking for", I have it as "looking for new friends" and I don't have "short or long term dating" in there. But writing "just friends" means absolutely zero people talk to me.

This way, even though most of the messages I get are still either "u hav boobs" or 19 year old boys, or guys who look like serial killers in their pictures, at least people message so there's a chance a message won't be one of the above...lol.

Might be different on OKC, but on Tinder, if I come across a woman that has in her profile, "looking for friends", I just swipe left/ignore it. You are on a dating site/app, the majority of people on there aren't looking for friends.

Might want to try Meetup.com (might vary depending on your location though) or volunteering to meet people.

 

[Advocatus Diaboli]

I have it as "I'm looking for a friend first and foremost". And in the "I am looking for", I have it as "looking for new friends" and I don't have "short or long term dating" in there. But writing "just friends" means absolutely zero people talk to me.

This way, even though most of the messages I get are still either "u hav boobs" or 19 year old boys, or guys who look like serial killers in their pictures, at least people message so there's a chance a message won't be one of the above...lol.

Why don't you try Bumble? You'd have to initiate the messaging, but you'd avoid the problems that you're describing.

 

[Kyne]

I have it as "I'm looking for a friend first and foremost". And in the "I am looking for", I have it as "looking for new friends" and I don't have "short or long term dating" in there. But writing "just friends" means absolutely zero people talk to me.

This way, even though most of the messages I get are still either "u hav boobs" or 19 year old boys, or guys who look like serial killers in their pictures, at least people message so there's a chance a message won't be one of the above...lol.

The second someone who's looking for someone to date reads that, in their head a little trigger goes off that says "There's a chance I'm going to get this girl in bed/going to fall in love with this girl/going to marry this girl/etc etc."

It's like GK says, going to a dating site to find friends[without benefits] isn't the best idea.. :S

You're definitely the 1% (I feel like I've said this before.. a long time ago) .. which without wearing a sign that says "I'm the 1%" is almost impossible to read.

What exactly are you looking for? Some lingering thought in the back of my mind remembers that you'd like a friend you could do stuff like cuddle with, without leading to anything sexual. That's a nice thought to have but unless that (male) person is gay/asexual, the chances of it happening are almost 0.

Eh, you seem nice so I'll up those chances to 1%.

 

[Palpable]

This chick matched with me and started talking to me. Found out she's a die hard Hillary Clinton lover and a liberal. Paaaaassssssss

 

[Lulubop]

Had a dead week, a lot of people out of town and I had to work Saturday night. Whatever.

That said I went on a date with this Filipina girl about two weeks ago. After the date we were texting each other constantly, but she kinda stopped early last week. We snapchat a bit on Christmas Eve, and I Friday I hit her up to say Merry Christmas and ask her when I can see her again next week. She said she is still free Monday (Had mentioned this before, but I wasn't sure of my schedule at the time), I say yea let's do that and I haven't heard from her since. Idk man, not texting her again and it's whatever. I'm not trying to iron out details on the day.

So yea, never hit me up. I'm a little salty, but whatever. I managed to get a date anyway tonight.

 

[neurochasm]

I have it as "I'm looking for a friend first and foremost". And in the "I am looking for", I have it as "looking for new friends" and I don't have "short or long term dating" in there. But writing "just friends" means absolutely zero people talk to me.

This way, even though most of the messages I get are still either "u hav boobs" or 19 year old boys, or guys who look like serial killers in their pictures, at least people message so there's a chance a message won't be one of the above...lol.

Try filtering for asexual men maybe, and be proactive in messaging. You might have to settle for a long distance/pen pal thing though.

 

[Salamando]

Try filtering for asexual men maybe, and be proactive in messaging. You might have to settle for a long distance/pen pal thing though.

I just did a search for asexual men on OKC. There's over a million total people in the search radius. OKC found 3 asexual men. One was a 40-yr old single dad, the other likely had a fedora in his closet, and the third had just checked off every sexuality he could.

If she's looking for an asexual boyfriend, she's likely going to need a specialized dating site. If she doesn't live in a major city, I still can't imagine the field being that huge...

 

[Rest]

I've apparently answered all questions on OKC.

...RIP me. 😩

That's crazy. How many are there?

 

[Psychoward]

Home for the holidays and bored out of my skull whenever I'm not playing ps4. Are there any apps or sites similar to tinder that I can use for a casual hook up? I'd stick to tinder but the whole limited swipes is some bs

This chick matched with me and started talking to me. Found out she's a die hard Hillary Clinton lover and a liberal. Paaaaassssssss

Wow a female liberal in 2015, well I'll be.

 

[A Human Becoming]

This chick matched with me and started talking to me. Found out she's a die hard Hillary Clinton lover and a liberal. Paaaaassssssss

I've seen quite a few young, attractive women Hillary supports are rallies. Breaks my heart a little bit.

Woman I mentioned before that OkCupid emailed me about hasn't responded to my message I sent over a day ago, so that's probably over. I think I'm done with OkCupid until I move.

 

[Leeness]

Might be different on OKC, but on Tinder, if I come across a woman that has in her profile, "looking for friends", I just swipe left/ignore it. You are on a dating site/app, the majority of people on there aren't looking for friends.

Might want to try Meetup.com (might vary depending on your location though) or volunteering to meet people.

That's fine, I'm not actively looking and don't care enough haha. If I happen to come across anything, great, if not, whatever.

And I don't want to try meetup, that's groups of people. No thank you. :|

Why don't you try Bumble? You'd have to initiate the messaging, but you'd avoid the problems that you're describing.

Like above...I don't care enough to be actively trying lol. Also, precedent says if I message someone, they don't message back so...eh.

The second someone who's looking for someone to date reads that, in their head a little trigger goes off that says "There's a chance I'm going to get this girl in bed/going to fall in love with this girl/going to marry this girl/etc etc."

It's like GK says, going to a dating site to find friends[without benefits] isn't the best idea.. :S

You're definitely the 1% (I feel like I've said this before.. a long time ago) .. which without wearing a sign that says "I'm the 1%" is almost impossible to read.

What exactly are you looking for? Some lingering thought in the back of my mind remembers that you'd like a friend you could do stuff like cuddle with, without leading to anything sexual. That's a nice thought to have but unless that (male) person is gay/asexual, the chances of it happening are almost 0.

Eh, you seem nice so I'll up those chances to 1%.

You're banned

But yeah, guy friend who just wants to hang out, watch movies, maybe he can hug me once in a while lol. They can have a girlfriend or whatever, I wouldn't care.

But yeh, I know it's probably 0% chance but...eh. It doesn't really matter. I'm fine with being alone for the rest of my life--done it until now. Easy

Try filtering for asexual men maybe, and be proactive in messaging. You might have to settle for a long distance/pen pal thing though.

Guy below you told you what's up with that.

But I have long distance guy friends so...I already have that.

That's crazy. How many are there?

No idea

I passed on a lot of them though, so...

 

[neurochasm]

Guy below you told you what's up with that.

But I have long distance guy friends so...I already have that.

Yeah I tried running the same search in my area and it's just dudes that don't know what asexual means. I don't envy your situation. Seems like you're looking for a needle in a very big haystack. Best of luck to ya.

 

[jred2k]

I could use some advice on when to ask for a phone number/meetup. I've been exchanging messages on OKC for about a week now and her replies have gradually been getting longer and longer, but the time between them is getting longer too. I feel like I should know she's replying because she wants to, but part of me just thinks shes being considerate. I don't want to ask her out and have her just flake, but I also know that if I wait too long she'll lose interest. Do you guys usually have signs you look for to know when the time is right to bring it up?

 

[Advocatus Diaboli]

I could use some advice on when to ask for a phone number/meetup. I've been exchanging messages on OKC for about a week now and her replies have gradually been getting longer and longer, but the time between them is getting longer too. I feel like I should know she's replying because she wants to, but part of me just thinks shes being considerate. I don't want to ask her out and have her just flake, but I also know that if I wait too long she'll lose interest. Do you guys usually have signs you look for to know when the time is right to bring it up?

No, because I don't look for signs. I ask early on, as should everyone else. Don't draw this out. "Hey, my number's 240.555.1212 if texting's easier." It's super easy. Hell, I just dropped this into a message I sent: "Let's talk more over a drink. Let me know when you're free."

If you've already talked for a week, the time to ask her out is now. In your next message, offer up your phone number (she'll respond with hers, obviously, or else just text you and say, "Hi, this is Sarah," or whatever). Also say that you want to grab a drink and discuss more.

Basically, the thing is this: who cares if she's replying? Or why? Unless the whole of your relationship is meant to exist on a dating site, it's completely irrelevant. Exchanging messages is only supposed to get you a first date, just like a cover letter is only supposed to get you an interview.

 

[Leeness]

Yeah I tried running the same search in my area and it's just dudes that don't know what asexual means. I don't envy your situation. Seems like you're looking for a needle in a very big haystack. Best of luck to ya.

Haha, it's all good. I know there's pretty much no chance of finding what I want so, I'm pretty okay with it.

 

[GK86]

I could use some advice on when to ask for a phone number/meetup. I've been exchanging messages on OKC for about a week now and her replies have gradually been getting longer and longer, but the time between them is getting longer too. I feel like I should know she's replying because she wants to, but part of me just thinks shes being considerate. I don't want to ask her out and have her just flake, but I also know that if I wait too long she'll lose interest. Do you guys usually have signs you look for to know when the time is right to bring it up?

I guess the only sign I look for us if the woman is replying back with more than just one word answers and is asking questions back.

Otherwise, I don't wait for the "perfect" time to ask for the number. Anything over a day is too long imo. Usually, I ask them for their number 10-15 messages deep into the conversation.

You shouldn't be talking to her for a week. You are not trying to get a texting buddy, you are trying to meet people. You can't be afraid of something you have no control over. Ask her out.

 

[Llyranor]

I guess the only sign I look for us if the woman is replying back with more than just one word answers and is asking questions back.

Otherwise, I don't wait for the "perfect" time to ask for the number. Anything over a day is too long imo. Usually, I ask them for their number 10-15 messages deep into the conversation.

You shouldn't be talking to her for a week. You are not trying to get a texting buddy, you are trying to meet people. You can't be afraid of something you have no control over. Ask her out.

This is good. And it's 10-15 messages total, sent and received, not just yours.

Why ask early? Flakes happen. If it happens, it happens. If you drag on a conversation with a flake, she will still flake, so why waste your time? 'Bububut I want to get to know you better, do you have facebook?!' is codeword for you will never meet and they're just doing it for attention and ego-boosting. The date (in a neutral safe meeting place) is what you use to get to know the other person.

(Of course, you need to first establish that you're not some super creeper)

 

[ipitythafool32]

Ugh, I hate online dating at this point. Seems the town I live in and the area around I'm never going to find a woman who has hardly any of the same interests as me. Being 34 with no kids makes me feel like I look like a total loser, when in fact I have a pretty decent job (for my area), my own place, car etc... I'm definitely no model or anything but I tend to feels like I'm at least an average looking guy.

All my friends are pretty much married with kids so it makes meeting people out in social settings very hard. Just feel defeated at this point. Granted its probably the holiday blues as well but still..just blah

 

[Nyx]

I must be the most terrible messager ever.

In between Happn and Tinder I've had 36 matches in the past 6 months.
2 of them replied to my message, of which 1 ended up going on a date with me. (which was fun but not enough for more)

The other 34(!) did not bother to reply.

I've gone from 'Hey! Cool we are a match, <insert comment about her photo or profile text>'' to sending absolute nonsense which I thought was funny but clearly she did not.

What do you guys send as a first message?

 

[gaiages]

This chick matched with me and started talking to me. Found out she's a die hard Hillary Clinton lover and a liberal. Paaaaassssssss

Considering what she's running against I'd be a diehard H. Clinton fan too (if I bothered to care about politics) >.>''

 

[Lulubop]

Had a pretty great date with a very tall, gorgeous Indian girl. It got pretty touchy fast, and we were making out by the end of the date. She couldn't be out too late because of work, of course. I told her I wanted to see her again and suggested Friday, she said she might have things going on because it's the new year but she'll let me know.

Meet her through Bumble, btw.