Maybe he's bottomed out on grief and isn't able and ready to climb out of it yet.
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Online Dating |OT| Please Respond
- Thread starter Jhoan
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Maybe he's bottomed out on grief and isn't able and ready to climb out of it yet.
See beloooooow.
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@gaiges
Nah, girl, not all that dire.
I love people, I like getting to know them, I'm not bitter towards anyone or think they're assholes. I was hurt long ago but I've let that go in terms of being bitter. I'm just very guarded, I don't like talking to people (not even family or my good friend) about feelings or whatever. I don't like to share anything other than "let's see this movie, I like this game, oh you're dating someone, fun!" with people. My friends sometimes talk to me about deeper things and I listen and sympathize. I just don't like to talk or think about "deeper" things in terms of myself, and I wouldn't know what to say or feel about them anyway.To be frank, I don't really understand being open emotionally. I'm not in touch with my feelings. I don't mind that though. Sometimes I'm happy, sometimes I'm sad, sometimes I cry. That's fine.
For me, in terms of (friendship) dating (lol), it would be...a guy friend that maybe could stand to spend time with me, watch some films, play video games, go out on hikes or something. That's all.
I speak in exaggerations sometimes for the sake of being a drama queen, but I'm pretty simple
I call it trust I guess, but it's more sharing? I don't share. I love people, but I don't share and therefore don't have ~deep emotional~ connections beyond "let's do this together", etc.Advocatus Diaboli
Member
See beloooooow.
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@gaiges
Nah, girl, not all that dire.
To be frank, I don't really understand being open emotionally. I'm not in touch with my feelings. I don't mind that though. Sometimes I'm happy, sometimes I'm sad, sometimes I cry. That's fine.
For me, in terms of (friendship) dating (lol), it would be...a guy friend that maybe could stand to spend time with me, watch some films, play video games, go out on hikes or something. That's all.
I speak in exaggerations sometimes for the sake of being a drama queen, but I'm pretty simple
You should watch Brené Brown's TED Talk on the Power of Vulnerability: http://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability.
Also, I'm going to be just as blunt as gaiages: unless you actually emotionally connect with people, that's not friendship, and those relationships are going to fade. Self-awareness is crucial, you know. Also, here's another thing: what exactly would this guy friend get out of that arrangement? Spending time with you, where you're hellbent on not sharing anything about yourself and learning to trust him?
I think you have some deeper things that you need to work on, and I sincerely hope that you can, because I think you might be using your purported asexuality as a shield for denying yourself the possibility of establishing real, human contact with others. Getting in touch with your feelings is okay! Everyone should be. I truly wish you (and others who are equally guarded) the best.
~sees below~See beloooooow.
I just want to echo Advocatus' point that what you're looking for won't last as soon as this guy realizes it won't ever advance beyond the surface level of go see movie => talk about movie => bye. No one should feel afraid to learn about themselves and grow from what they're feeling emotionally. I too hope you find a way to see that because it will genuinely help.
ohhthegore
Member
recently seperated from my wife who I've been with between the ages of 16-27. Feels like I lost sooo much of my prime hook up years blarrghhh. Been on like 6 dates with diffferent girls during the last month and I've never gotten anything less than some kissing so thats kinda fun
Your prime years are in your thirties, trust me.
That sounds encouraging.
Yea, I was with someone till IU was about 25 or so, def feel like I lost a lot of my prime hook up years as well. tryna make up for it. I'm 27 as well.
Well, in your thirties, a lot of the good men are taken or have kids. If you are in shape and have yourself together with a decent job and income, women tend to pursue you, especially if you aren't one of those desperate needy "nice" guys. You are also at that age where you have life experience, know how to deal with women, and you are still young enough to get women that are still in their twenties.
What about if you're female? I might be screwed.
davidwhangchoi
Member
See beloooooow.
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@gaiges
Nah, girl, not all that dire.
To be frank, I don't really understand being open emotionally. I'm not in touch with my feelings. I don't mind that though. Sometimes I'm happy, sometimes I'm sad, sometimes I cry. That's fine.
For me, in terms of (friendship) dating (lol), it would be...a guy friend that maybe could stand to spend time with me, watch some films, play video games, go out on hikes or something. That's all.
I speak in exaggerations sometimes for the sake of being a drama queen, but I'm pretty simple
wow, flames on the thread got hot... you need to go through the fire =)
thanks for sharing so openly
Happy Early New Years Everybody!
Wow. I simply said I didn't want to jump into a new relationship yet and that people are fake (there is no denying this, everyone is fake to an extent). My ex used bullshit reasons and cut me off to go be with someone else like I never existed. It isn't the breakup that killed me, it was being shut out by someone I cared about as if I never mattered to them in the least bit. A year has passed and I've no hint that this wasn't the case, so I can only assume I was right.
@Soi-Fong: Did you miss the part where we got back together for like 3 days until she finally told me about this other guy? I didn't constantly nag her, not sure where you got that from. I was belittled over social media by her for no reason, like she wanted to throw salt on the wound. It was like I was dealing with a whole different person.
@Soi-Fong: Did you miss the part where we got back together for like 3 days until she finally told me about this other guy? I didn't constantly nag her, not sure where you got that from. I was belittled over social media by her for no reason, like she wanted to throw salt on the wound. It was like I was dealing with a whole different person.
Interface23
Member
I wasn't trying to be mean bro, sorry if you took it that way. I get you, my ex did the same thing but you can't expect everyone to be a heartless well you know is all I'm saying. You'll find one that genuinely loves you as will I, you just have to not give up.
Advocatus Diaboli
Member
NYE was a success. Went out for sushi with a friend, then she and I went to a bar that she rented out. Ended up kissing a cute, random (but totally batshit) girl at midnight, then kissed my friend afterwards as a post-midnight vindication...
But, best of all? My friend and his boyfriend were there, and I heard from the bf that my friend loves me like a brother. 2015 ended on brotherly love with me, and I've honestly never felt this kind of adoration before.
(Oh, and another OKC girl confirmed for next Thursday, I have a second date with someone on Saturday, and a friend's friend wants to grab happy hour next week as well. Rotations, people. And brotherhood! But, rotations.)
But, best of all? My friend and his boyfriend were there, and I heard from the bf that my friend loves me like a brother. 2015 ended on brotherly love with me, and I've honestly never felt this kind of adoration before.
(Oh, and another OKC girl confirmed for next Thursday, I have a second date with someone on Saturday, and a friend's friend wants to grab happy hour next week as well. Rotations, people. And brotherhood! But, rotations.)
On this note, I was at a house party this new years with my best friend in the world. The first time I had ever spent it with out my family. We were on some roof and I felt uncomfortable because I'm afraid of height, he came down with me and we were the only two down in the apt at midnight. Real bro shit.
Then I asked his sister on date lol. He's cool with it, I had expressed interest before but she seemed a little hesitant because of my relationship with him. She came to me today though, and expressed interested but was like you know this could complicate things and I said I still wanted to go on a date with her. She agreed, so next Saturday. I really like her. But yea, bros and all that.
I just haven't met the right person yet. Here's to hoping 2016 will be a good year, unlike 2015 which was a big steaming pile of shit.
NoctisVsStar
Member
Word of advice can't do the sister dirty even though the homie says he don't care.
Yea I know, and I'm a dog. Setting myself up for this one. That said I'm not stupid enough to pursue this and intentionally fuck it up.
Sometimes things like this actually work out, but yeah, be careful guy. Early communication can stop things from negatively effecting friendships, if that's a worry.
Haha, thanks but no thanks, I never want to be "vulnerable".
Haha nah, my friends, I've been with them for many years now. Some in the 8 or so years range, two for 15 years (more than half my life!).
Dude would get a female friend to play video games with. He can have a deep emotional connection with his girlfriend or whatever. Haha.
But yes, I know that's basically an impossibility and that's fine.
No thanks
If I don't find a dude friend to hang out with and watch movies with, that's fine. That's all I'm looking for, though.Lol. Happy new year.
davidwhangchoi
Member
hey Advocatus Diaboli, how did you get from your friend to a random girl and back to kissing your friend. sounds like you were a whirlwind of attention.
it definitely will be good this year 2016!
believe it or not, i actually did this while i was in grad school to someone who wanted to tie the knot, essay here:Haha, thanks but no thanks, I never want to be "vulnerable".
Haha nah, my friends, I've been with them for many years now. Some in the 8 or so years range, two for 15 years (more than half my life!).
Dude would get a female friend to play video games with. He can have a deep emotional connection with his girlfriend or whatever. Haha.
But yes, I know that's basically an impossibility and that's fine.
No thanks
Lol. Happy new year.
(maybe it's a korean thing but it seems like K girls want to get married before they're 30 or they feel useless.) i asked... how do you know i'm the one? and i got bc blah blah blah. ok, how bout we just be friends for 10 years and if you don't end up losing interest in me by then i'll marry you. pretty much making it impossible for her, if she waits and uses up that time on me, it may not work, she'll be too old to look for someone else...
i pretty much said that as a joke bc i wasn't ready to talk about marriage. she actually waiting for 2 years just being friends w/ me. i was fine, i didn't go after anyone else but just hung out with her, no romance. after 2 years she gave me an ultimatum. i told her nothing's changed. she asked me not to talk to her again. 8 months later she got married to someone on e-harmony. i e-mailed her congrats and she told me to never contact her w some harsh language.
my friends thought i was the biggest jerk bc strung her along even if i told her my intentions to be friends. they said i was very inconsiderate of her feelings towards me and should have been responsible to cut it off. smart people would've avoided a person like me, they said the whole friends thing, while ideal in my head, made it about me and not respectful towards her time(crucial for girls ages 27-30).
anyways, the friend at arms length is a nice ideal, (i like it) but even if you were to find somebody, it'd be short term and probably not good for a prolonged period. hopefully by that time, you'd be able open up to him.
Interface23
Member
No big deal. Hopefully 2016 will be good to all of us
Was supposed to hang out with the Indian girl I met on Monday, but she canceled after her phone broke. She sent me a pic and just seemed to be having one of those days. I did ask if she was free tonight and haven't heard back D:. Anyway, after that I hit up some girls I had talked to before they went on Christmas break. I managed to get a date with someone who lived in my area. It was a fun night.
I like to start with coffee and move onto a walk if its going well. A walk allows you to talk without the risk of anybody overhearing (for too long) and is more conducive to flirty touching. Hard for her to do the "You said something funny, I'ma touch you now" thing when you're sitting across each other at a table.
davidwhangchoi
Member
How's the weather? It's getting chilly over here =)
Don't be that cheap. I had a girl make fun of a guy that tried that with her. I would only go on a walk after a proper date.
I wouldn't be interested in a girl that makes fun of a guy for taking her on a walk date anyway.
You have to remember that you are in competition with other men. You don't have to spend a fortune on a girl, but if you can't spend $10-$20 on a first date, then good luck getting anywhere with a girl. I hope that you are one exceptionally good-looking guy.
Well, I'm not looking to ever date or get married, and I generally make it clear that "I'm just looking for friends".
Short term is fine anyway, less mess.
So a very attractive girl ten years younger than me had matched me on Tinder a couple of weeks ago. She kept giving me these one word type responses, so I say screw it and give her my number and wasn't going to waste any more time. Out of the blue, nearly a week later, she calls me tonight wanting to meet. I already had a date scheduled, so I attempt to try to meet both girls within about a one and a half hour window; I knew better than to completely cancel on the first girl (a bird in the hand is worth more than two in the bush yadda yadda yadda).
The second girl called me and asked me if I was on my way and I told her that I was coming at a certain time. I show up and she stops responding, probably because I was thirty minutes late. Whoops. It was worth a try though. Haha. We will see if she contacts me again.
The second girl called me and asked me if I was on my way and I told her that I was coming at a certain time. I show up and she stops responding, probably because I was thirty minutes late. Whoops. It was worth a try though. Haha. We will see if she contacts me again.
davidwhangchoi
Member
Well, I'm not looking to ever date or get married, and I generally make it clear that "I'm just looking for friends".
Short term is fine anyway, less mess.
ever date or get married?? lol, stop messing around =) but for some strange reason, i think you're serious :|
The only race of women I've ever dated (not counting girls that didn't go beyond first dates) have been Asian girls. I don't know why, but I think it's because there are a lot of Asians where I live and their affinity of white guys. Some of my friends/family think I only date Asian girls now, which is terribly annoying.
For you guys that get a lot of matches on Tinder, what do you put in your bio? I've been on for about a week & have had maybe 4 matches.
For you guys that get a lot of matches on Tinder, what do you put in your bio? I've been on for about a week & have had maybe 4 matches.
Nice man. I also tried out Bumble and that app is great too.
The problem is, God gave man a brain and a penis and only enough blood to run one at a time.
Stealing the shit out of this
Advocatus Diaboli
Member
Just got home from my date that started at 3pm yesterday. I'd say it went well. Having breakfast in bed until 4am made me tired, though, but she definitely enjoyed it.
Surefire way to get over an ex, too.
Surefire way to get over an ex, too.
Sign me the fuck up
jimmypython
Member
I think it kind of depends on where you are. Here in Minneapolis, there are a lot of parks and lakes in the city and so people will meet up there for first dates, especially during the three months the weather is actually nice. If it's something where you're just walking around the neighborhood, I would at least offer to get them snacks/drinks.
davidwhangchoi
Member
Yes. K-girls are best =) haha jk, everyone's beautiful.
I've yet to date a Korean girl. I certainly wouldn't mind.
Completely serious.
Double-post, but whatevs.
Date went good despite my illness (think I'm catching a fever or something). One thing that I'm hung up on afterwards is that she asked me "so do you do this often?" re: tinder dating. I said yeah a few times, and the same for her. She then said that she was on a long break from it and recently started again, because she "was bored". I mean yeah, no one will say on the first date that they're looking for love (or hookup for that matter), but should I take this as a hint that she's not looking for anything? I mean even if she accepts a second date it might still mean that she's doing this only for fun, and not because she's looking for anything in particular. I've definitely heard that some people only go on Tinder to pass the time and to meet new people, with zero intentions of taking it further than that.
Date went good despite my illness (think I'm catching a fever or something). One thing that I'm hung up on afterwards is that she asked me "so do you do this often?" re: tinder dating. I said yeah a few times, and the same for her. She then said that she was on a long break from it and recently started again, because she "was bored". I mean yeah, no one will say on the first date that they're looking for love (or hookup for that matter), but should I take this as a hint that she's not looking for anything? I mean even if she accepts a second date it might still mean that she's doing this only for fun, and not because she's looking for anything in particular. I've definitely heard that some people only go on Tinder to pass the time and to meet new people, with zero intentions of taking it further than that.