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[Salamando]

Looks like we got a brad pitt up in this bitch

A new profile with good enough pics in a large enough city = tons of matches. Logged into OKC while on vacation last year...3 days there and I got over 50 likes. That's more than I've gotten in the last three months at home.


Deleted my OKC profile this weekend actually. Not because I found someone, but because I've spent a lot of time improving myself in the past year and wanted to start fresh. Figure I'll cool it for a month or two, focus on meeting girls in the real world.

 

[User 479360]

I wish I looked like you guys then. I only match with bots.

 

[Symphonia]

Way to not stealth brag, Mr. Pitt.

I'm down another ten matches so, really, its nothing to brag about.

 

[Palpable]

Girl on pof messaged me last night. Had a decent back/forth convo last night and this afternoon. I asked her out, she said yes. We're set for Friday. She asked to exchange numbers. Gave her mine, then she gave me hers. I haven't texted her yet. This is the part I always lose my rhythm. I dunno what to do/say up until Friday.

 

[Jokab]

Girl on pof messaged me last night. Had a decent back/forth convo last night and this afternoon. I asked her out, she said yes. We're set for Friday. She asked to exchange numbers. Gave her mine, then she gave me hers. I haven't texted her yet. This is the part I always lose my rhythm. I dunno what to do/say up until Friday.

This is the part where you don't say much at all. You want to save as much talking as possible for the date to avoid running out of things to talk about. Just message her every two days or once a day and either ask how her day was or tell a story from yours. Just light banter, doesn't need more. Then text day before and day of to confirm if you're still on (but don't say "Are we still on", go with something more slick, like "So are you sure you will find your way on Friday? ").

 

[User 479360]

I'm trying to think of a non-weird way to hint or ask out my family member's psw, but can't think of one.

I catch the odd glimpse from her, but I'm awful at signals.

 

[Lone_Prodigy]

I'm trying to think of a non-weird way to hint or ask out my family member's psw, but can't think of one.

I catch the odd glimpse from her, but I'm awful at signals.

She comes over to your house, right? Walk her to the door when she leaves, and talk to her. If it's Friday, ask her what she's doing for the weekend.

 

[Advocatus Diaboli]

Exhausting weekend. It's been pretty nonstop. Friday night, I went out with a girl I met in class and met up with some of my friends: pretty low-key, and I think I made a friend (or at least a HH compadre), as she's going into the military after law school. Plus she said she owes me a drink.

Saturday was a live comedy show plus drinks this cute, nerdy Asian girl. She ended up spending the night, and after we had brunch, I had to get ready for a first date with this gorgeous Brazilian girl. You know how, after five minutes, you can tell if you have a connection with someone? After wine and some small plates, we took a walk around the city, took a few pictures, and then went back to her place, where we watched Archer for a while. I spent the night -- nothing happened beyond making out in her bed -- but left around noon in order to get ready for a lunch + museum (fourth) date with someone else. Couldn't stop thinking about the last girl, though.

This is the part that trips me up: trying to actively pursue something with someone while casually dating others.

 

[User 479360]

She comes over to your house, right? Walk her to the door when she leaves, and talk to her. If it's Friday, ask her what she's doing for the weekend.

She only comes every other weekend, Saturday and Sunday nights, so I won't see her for two weeks.

I've never been able to talk to girls about that type of thing, or ask them out, and have relied on online dating which as you know has been hit and miss for me. Mostly miss. But I do have a 2nd date tomorrow (miniputting).

These things are going through my mind:

1) How do I bring it up to her? And if I do, that will make things akward.

2) She's paid by a company that comes into our house, and is a worker in our home. If I were to ask her out, would that create a sexual harassment thing if it went badly?

3) I wish I had some sort of sign.

 

[Lone_Prodigy]

Chewie, I think you should let it go between you and the support worker. I agree that it would be a conflict of interest and awkward (at best) if you were to ask her on a date. It's not a coworker or patient-doctor issue, but it's dating-the-boss's-daughter close. But feel free to just talk to her normally and work on being comfortable around girls. Don't worry about signs or expressing interest.

 

[User 479360]

I probably won't do anything. As I said, I don't have the balls to anyways and I'm afraid of causing an issue. I may try to hint things and see what happens, though I don't think I'd ask her straight out.

I thought she was cute before, but she cut her hair short and I have a thing for short-haired girls.

 

[Lulubop]

I had an amazing date with the Greek girl again, seeing her tomorrow for my Bday. I uh really like her, and I wouldn't mind getting serious. Is it too soon?? How do I even go about this? Help.

 

[Advocatus Diaboli]

I had an amazing date with the Greek girl again, seeing her tomorrow for my Bday. I uh really like her, and I wouldn't mind getting serious. Is it too soon?? How do I even go about this? Help.

"What do you want for your birthday?"
"You."

... barring that, I dunno. I've always been told that it's better for the girl to bring up discussions of exclusivity. Frankly, though, it sounds like you're seeing her often enough that it's not logistically possible for you (or her, even) to see anyone else. There's always the tried-and-true "What are you looking for?" question. It's on point and expresses that you're interested in discussing things.

 

[Lulubop]

Yea, I haven't made dates this week with other women even though I have a lot of numbers and a few free days this week. As for her, I know she despises online dating and I believe her. She doesn't have a Tinder and was only on Bumble a few days. Luckily I was able to match her in that time. I've been very proactive about setting dates, and she's been only receptive to the times and dates I've set. I don't know, I guess I'm afraid to bring it up and then scare her away.

 

[Kid Kamikaze10]

So I've been with a girl from Tinder for a little over a month. Dating, sex, know some of her friends, etc. I want to say things are going fine, but it's not.

1) I like her more than she likes me, and we both know it. And I've been having a hard time dealing with that.

2) #1 manifested in a mild but still bad way last weekend. We both had a three day weekend, and I texted her too much. She stopped texting after a while, and even I reviewed the text and thought, "if a girl did that to me, I'd have stopped texting in annoyance. I'm not married to her."

There was nothing clearly harmful in the texts, it was just the amount, bad timing, and asking too many questions. It was bordering on controlling.


So I'm easing up, I just hope I haven't already signaled a red flag. With that and not having sex with her last week (I wanted to, but it was late and we both had work), I want to say things are drawing to a close, but I want to make things work.

 

[Fallout-NL]

So I've been with a girl from Tinder for a little over a month. Dating, sex, know some of her friends, etc. I want to say things are going fine, but it's not.

1) I like her more than she likes me, and we both know it. And I've been having a hard time dealing with that.

2) #1 manifested in a mild but still bad way last weekend. We both had a three day weekend, and I texted her too much. She stopped texting after a while, and even I reviewed the text and thought, "if a girl did that to me, I'd have stopped texting in annoyance. I'm not married to her."

There was nothing clearly harmful in the texts, it was just the amount, bad timing, and asking too many questions. It was bordering on controlling.


So I'm easing up, I just hope I haven't already signaled a red flag. With that and not having sex with her last week (I wanted to, but it was late and we both had work), I want to say things are drawing to a close, but I want to make things work.

Stop texting completely, wait for her to come around. When (if) she asks why you've been quiet, just say you had a busy couple of days.

 

[User 479360]

So, I just got home from date number 2 with the girl I met online. The one I had the two hour coffee date with less than two weeks ago.

Unfortunately, there was a death in my family, which prevented us from seeing each other again sooner. But I was glad that she wanted to, because usually I don't get second dates.

I let her pick again, and she said it was between bowling and mini putt. I was more favourable towards the latter, because I'm not much of a bowler, so she picked that. It was a glow in the dark place I'd never been to before. It'd been years since I'd last played (perhaps a decade), and I was a bit rusty. I did okay the first half, then had some issues in the second, but got a hole in one. She ended up beating me by 4, which is fine by me.

We joked about it. How she won and I have my hole in one.

Afterwards, we went for coffee again and talked for a while. We didn't make plans to see eachother again, but we texted a bit afterwards before she went to bed and I'll ask her soon. I want to ask her to be exclusive and be able to call her my girlfriend, but I doubt it's a good idea to do it over text or so soon...

 

[GK86]

It has only been two dates. Way, way too soon.

 

[Assanova]

Went out on a date and regretted it the second that I saw her. She was a very, very big girl. I would have felt terrible for walking out on her, so I forced myself through one drink and left.

 

[Advocatus Diaboli]

Went out on a date and regretted it the second that I saw her. She was a very, very big girl. I would have felt terrible for walking out on her, so I forced myself through one drink and left.

Did you notice the lack of attraction beforehand? Nothing wrong with one-drink dates; I've been on several.

 

[Fallout-NL]

Afterwards, we went for coffee again and talked for a while. We didn't make plans to see eachother again, but we texted a bit afterwards before she went to bed and I'll ask her soon. I want to ask her to be exclusive and be able to call her my girlfriend, but I doubt it's a good idea to do it over text or so soon...

It has only been two dates. Way, way too soon.

Yeah, come on Chewie, we've been over this

It's much better to let her bring that up. And holy shit should you not ever do that over text. Just spend some more time with her. Even if it's just to convince yourself that it's something you actually want.

 

[cabot]

Went out on a date and regretted it the second that I saw her. She was a very, very big girl. I would have felt terrible for walking out on her, so I forced myself through one drink and left.

I've been here, the woman had mostly face and shoulder photos on her profile and then we met for a date and she was huge, morbidly obese. I could tell she was on the larger side, but not as big as she was.

It's quite frustrating. Someone will like you no matter your weight, be more honest with your photos, please.

 

[Assanova]

Did you notice the lack of attraction beforehand? Nothing wrong with one-drink dates; I've been on several.

I've been here, the woman had mostly face and shoulder photos on her profile and then we met for a date and she was huge, morbidly obese. I could tell she was on the larger side, but not as big as she was.

It's quite frustrating. Someone will like you no matter your weight, be more honest with your photos, please.

I knew that she wasn't going to be super attractive. On the other hand, there were two girls recently who looked much, much better than their profile pictures, so I figured that I would give it a shot since her face looked nice on the two pictures that I saw. I spent ten bucks and thirty minutes, so it wasn't like I lost much. I have a few more dates already set up with other girls, so it's not that big of a deal.

 

[Kid Kamikaze10]

Stop texting completely, wait for her to come around. When (if) she asks why you've been quiet, just say you had a busy couple of days.

Awesome, that's my strategy right now. And if she doesn't contact me, I'll just move on. Thankfully, I'm mostly out of the feeling bad about it phase.

 

[Lulubop]

Had another amazing night, but... I feel like an idiot now.

She invited me out on Saturday, to have Dinner with a friend of hers and he friend's boyfriend as well as a party thing going on after with some of her other friends. So as we're on the train I ask her what are we going as, and I regretted it immediately. She said she really likes me, but thinks it's a bit soon. Like what does that even mean? I think I fucked up. I gave her my honest reaction to that and she gave me a bunch of kisses and told me she does really like me, but just wants to give it a bit more time.

 

[Kid Kamikaze10]

Ran into that issue too, but honestly, you should ride it out. Let them be the ones to bring it up. And if you're not willing to do that, you need to find someone who feels the same because it's going to hurt otherwise.

That's how it worked out for my brother, and he's happily married.

 

[Pasta_Soup]

Had another amazing night, but... I feel like an idiot now.

She invited me out on Saturday, to have Dinner with a friend of hers and he friend's boyfriend as well as a party thing going on after with some of her other friends. So as we're on the train I ask her what are we going as, and I regretted it immediately. She said she really likes me, but thinks it's a bit soon. Like what does that even mean? I think I fucked up. I gave her my honest reaction to that and she gave me a bunch of kisses and told me she does really like me, but just wants to give it a bit more time.

Judging from her reaction, I think she found it more cute than awkward. You seem to know what you're doing in regards to dating, so I think you're good. Just keep going as if nothing has really changed and have a good time, like you have been. If she all of a sudden cancels those plans you've set up, then I'd worry about it.

 

[Lulubop]

Yea, I can tell she thought it was cute and was flattered but I felt completely awkward and vulnerable. Still feel like a fool for bringing it up, but I'll play it cool.

 

[Lone_Prodigy]

Does anyone have a good answer to "why are you on [dating site]"? My go-to answer has always been "it's a way to meet new people and see what happens", but maybe it seems too wishy-washy? However, I feel like saying you want a relationship is putting too much pressure on both of you.

 

[Fallout-NL]

Awesome, that's my strategy right now. And if she doesn't contact me, I'll just move on. Thankfully, I'm mostly out of the feeling bad about it phase.

Good man, chin up .

Had another amazing night, but... I feel like an idiot now.

She invited me out on Saturday, to have Dinner with a friend of hers and he friend's boyfriend as well as a party thing going on after with some of her other friends. So as we're on the train I ask her what are we going as, and I regretted it immediately. She said she really likes me, but thinks it's a bit soon. Like what does that even mean?I think I fucked up. I gave her my honest reaction to that and she gave me a bunch of kisses and told me she does really like me, but just wants to give it a bit more time.

Just act like it's no big deal / like it didn't happen. And it doesn't have to be, really. Though now you have to let her be the one to bring it up next time.

 

[neurosisxeno]

Does anyone have a good answer to "why are you on [dating site]"? My go-to answer has always been "it's a way to meet new people and see what happens", but maybe it seems too wishy-washy? However, I feel like saying you want a relationship is putting too much pressure on both of you.

That answer is probably fine. I would say it depends on the person who asks it but generally se variation of "It's a good way to meet new people these days" works for most.

 

[PapaJustify]

Help me, online dating GAF!

I am using Tinder in Europe. I get my occasional matches alright (I don't live in a city area), but whenever I chat with a girl I can't really get a flirting talk going.
I start asking about what they do for a living and what their interests are. But beyond that I can't really get the conversation to that flirting level where the intentions are clear.
I often really don't know what to ask and how to get those intentions across, or for that matter how to get an interesting conversation going. Most of those chats end stale like as if I ask a random stranger on the street for the time. They answer me and I am like 'kthxbye'.
It's certainly my own fault, but it always feels like that it is me who has to drive the conversation. I am not good at that. And then I sometimes do this stupid thing where I let the conversation die almost on purpose to gauge their interest. That almost always backfires, of course. And there they go, my chances...

Do you have any tips for making engaging conversation? How do you make the other person interested in you?
Do you make compliments? What are you asking. What shouldn't be asked. How provoking should one be?

 

[Pasta_Soup]

Help me, online dating GAF!

I am using Tinder in Europe. I get my occasional matches alright (I don't live in a city area), but whenever I chat with a girl I can't really get a flirting talk going.
I start asking about what they do for a living and what their interests are. But beyond that I can't really get the conversation to that flirting level where the intentions are clear.
I often really don't know what to ask and how to get those intentions across, or for that matter how to get an interesting conversation going. Most of those chats end stale like as if I ask a random stranger on the street for the time. They answer me and I am like 'kthxbye'.
It's certainly my own fault, but it always feels like that it is me who has to drive the conversation. I am not good at that. And then I sometimes do this stupid thing where I let the conversation die almost on purpose to gauge their interest. That almost always backfires, of course. And there they go, my chances...

Do you have any tips for making engaging conversation? How do you make the other person interested in you?
Do you make compliments? What are you asking. What shouldn't be asked. How provoking should one be?

Tease them on their responses. Share interesting/funny stories related to the topic. Make jokes. Avoid turning it into an interview process where you're just asking questions over and over again about typical stuff. Make statements instead of asking questions all the time. So instead of asking "what do you do" you could frame it like "judging from that picture of you kissing that dog, I assume you're a professional circus dog trainer" or something nonsensical like that. It makes the conversation fun and light-hearted.

I'd avoid compliments for the most part - they work better on an actual date, and even then I'd avoid them in most situations.

Do this for a bit, then go for the number/set up a date as quickly as possible. Save the really good stuff for the actual in person meeting.

 

[Jhoan]

Downloaded Bumble and I realized that my Facebook profile pictures suck. My main picture is a self-portrait drawing I did of myself but I don't think that's been getting any mileage so I've been rotating other pics in that I took over last summer. So far I've gotten messaged by one girl since I mentioned that my name looks hard to pronounce but is pretty easy in the bio description so naturally she asked about it.

Also got messaged by a girl on OKC. I saw her pictures and she's a bit too big for my tastes but I'll respond to entertain it. Still trying to find my footing and get adjusted to messaging several girls at a time again but I'm in no rush to date since it's lower on my priority list this year; around this time last year I had gone out with 2 girls from Tinder.

 

[Palpable]

No point in responding to any girl you're not interested in.

 

[Lulubop]

This shit is kinda eating me now.

 

[Palpable]

That one girl that was messaging me and exchanged numbers with me hasn't really said a word since Monday. We kinda said the weekend would be a good time to meet, but I don't think I'm gonna touch base with her. Not feeling it.

 

[Jhoan]

No point in responding to any girl you're not interested in.

I did that last year just for conversation practice before I stopped replying but yeah, you're right since saves both parties time. I haven't responded and probably will delete it.

As for your second post, if you're not feeling it, then no harm done. In a case like that I would either follow up with her the night before or the day of if I was feeling the girl.

@Lulubop, relax man. It's not a big deal but I think you got a case of the love bug and wanted to call it a relationship a bit soon considering how you guys were moving so fast. So I can see why she put the brakes on it and said it's too soon. If you guys are seeing each other this weekend what with that winter storm approaching, just have fun. You didn't do anything wrong and from the sounds of it, she still likes you so no harm done.

So last night I got messaged by an attractive artist girl on OKC who I did respond to since I mentioned that Bob Ross is my spirit animal in my profile. I feel really good about my chances of meeting up with her since we have a lot in common. After one or two more messages, I'm going to exchange numbers Sadly I have a cold sore that I've been nursing for past several days.

Also got a new Bumble message from another match who lives 15 minutes away from my way. I would be down to meet up with her. The other girl who messaged me never replied possibly because I was playing too much games and asked her how she thought my name is pronounced.

On another note, I saw report on the local news earlier about how Hinge and other hook up apps are expecting to blow up in activity because of the aforementioned snow storm that's hitting the East coast this weekend. So yeah Northeast folks, if you want someone to snuggle up with this weekend, best get Hinging/Bumbling/Tindering. Netflix and chill is going to be a viable option.

 

[zewone]

So I created an OKC profile last weekend just to try it out. I had a girl message me on Monday and we started chatting for an hour or so. We then exchange phone numbers and text each other for another hour or so.

Everything seemed to be going great and we made plans go out on Friday night. I told her I would get back in touch with her later in the week to confirm details.

I sent her a text Thursday morning just making sure she could still make it Friday night. No reply.

I'm wondering if I should attempt another message to see if maybe she missed my text or if I should just leave it alone?

Just strange to me that all of sudden she wouldn't be interested when we ended our chat on a good note.

 

[Fallout-NL]

This shit is kinda eating me now.

One surefire way for this to become a thing is if you keep believing it is. Shrug it off and be awesome instead

 

[Lulubop]

It's weird. I felt like, she felt that she was more into me than I was into her. She went the extra mile for my Bday and it was amazing in addition to inviting me out on Saturday to meet essentially all of her closet friends. That's why I felt comfortable in saying that, but I feel like I scared her a bit. Just waiting for that text.

edit: ok yea, I'm definitely overreacting but damn son. Yo Bumble.

 

[Lone_Prodigy]

So I created an OKC profile last weekend just to try it out. I had a girl message me on Monday and we started chatting for an hour or so. We then exchange phone numbers and text each other for another hour or so.

Everything seemed to be going great and we made plans go out on Friday night. I told her I would get back in touch with her later in the week to confirm details.

I sent her a text Thursday morning just making sure she could still make it Friday night. No reply.

I'm wondering if I should attempt another message to see if maybe she missed my text or if I should just leave it alone?

Just strange to me that all of sudden she wouldn't be interested when we ended our chat on a good note.

Sorry, but it happens. She probably found someone better, changed her mind about you, put a Pop Tart in a toaster and burned her kitchen down, etc. Even if she didn't miss your text, don't you think she'd remember "I'm going out with zewone on Friday night I should make sure we're still on"?

The unfortunate reality is to not get invested in anyone until you've had one or more face-to-face meetings.

 

[Assanova]

Sorry, but it happens. She probably found someone better, changed her mind about you, put a Pop Tart in a toaster and burned her kitchen down, etc. Even if she didn't miss your text, don't you think she'd remember "I'm going out with zewone on Friday night I should make sure we're still on"?

The unfortunate reality is to not get invested in anyone until you've had one or more face-to-face meetings.

Yep, this happens quite often. That is why I try to schedule two dates at a time. I usually stagger them and if one flakes, no big deal. Also, it probably isn't a good idea to try to schedule a date for the weekend until around Wednesday or Thursday.

 

[zewone]

Yep, this happens quite often. That is why I try to schedule two dates at a time. I usually stagger them and if one flakes, no big deal. Also, it probably isn't a good idea to try to schedule a date for the weekend until around Wednesday or Thursday.

Yeah, I figured it was a while off, but I'm extremely busy at work and didn't want to spend a night out.

Whatever; her loss.

 

[ameratsu]

My joke female tinder account only survived a day

Got a few funny replies out of it. Holy shit though, the men of tinder sure like "hey", "what's up", "sup" openers. The few who actually got the joke and came up with a clever reply were rare.

 

[Fallout-NL]

My joke female tinder account only survived a day



Got a few funny replies out of it. Holy shit though, the men of tinder sure like "hey", "what's up", "sup" openers. The few who actually got the joke and came up with a clever reply were rare.

Who cares about openers though? My 'hey, what's up?'worked fine on the women I talked to.

 

[vern]

My joke female tinder account only survived a day


The few who actually got the joke and came up with a clever reply were rare.

What was the joke?

 

[ameratsu]

Who cares about openers though? My 'hey, what's up?'worked fine on the women I talked to.

If you want to have the same opener as a ton of random dudes using tinder, go for it.

What was the joke?

I should have said reference and not joke.

 

[vern]

If you want to have the same opener as a ton of random dudes using tinder, go for it.



I should have said reference and not joke.

Still don't know what it was lol. A comic or something?

 

[ameratsu]

Still don't know what it was lol. A comic or something?

Oh, it's a reference to an NPC in the Mass Effect series. Specifically: http://masseffect.wikia.com/wiki/Kelly_Chambers