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[Lulubop]

Had a date with a girl thurs, it was brief because we both had to be at work. Seen her again Saturday and it was a good time. Dunno if I'll see her again, but it doesn't really matter.

Didn't hear from the girl I had been seeing this weekend, but she was on a trip. I was surprised she actually texted me in the morning but hasn't replied back though I see her on FB and what not. Looks like it's over, but whatever. Ok I won't like, I'm pretty upset. I'm not goibg to prioritize her any more.

 

[dskillzhtown]

I'm in a bind, I have been dating this girl for nearly 3 weeks and we went out 4 times but the thing she expects me to pay everytime and never offers to help.

now for date number 5, I asked her what she wanted to do and she said....... restaurant..... again

fuck me

she never invited me over yet, she never offered to cook for me yet. For date number 6, if she doesn't invite me over, I will invite her OVER to my place because I am getting tired of going out to freakin' restaurants all the time

I dated a girl like that. She wanted to go out to eat everytime and ordered the most expensive thing on the menu and a gang of drinks. I just stopped going out with her all together. To me it seemed she only wanted to be wined and dined, not get to know me.

 

[Lulubop]

Turns out I was right.

I'm pretty devastated right now.

 

[Assanova]

Hey GAF, been at the online-dating thing casually since May last year, I've been on several dates but nothing beyond a second date. Not too concerned about that, just haven't had chemistry with the ones I've met in person. What I do need is some critiquing on my pics and profile as I think they must be limiting the amount of responses and matches, so I turn to you all, and hopefully I'll get as much help from this thread as I have from the Fitness OTs.

http://www.pof.com/viewprofile.aspx?profile_id=95960770

I don't really get photographed much, but I'll make the attempt to get some more based on your suggestions.

Delete the paragraph about being shy and introverted. I don't see how that benefits you at all. I would avoid anything that is seen as anti-social. Your hair looks odd in the first 2-3 pictures, but I don't think that it's going to be a deal breaker.

Also, I wouldn't be concerned about not clicking with any of the girls that you meet. Unless your plan is to just get laid, you are better off not getting a ton of girls that you don't click with. It is much, much better to find one girl that you really click with because she really likes your profile and who you are as a person. It can be tough dealing with the occasional drought on online dating sites, but in the end, if you get a woman that you absolutely love being with, then it is worth it.

 

[Lulubop]

I took me two fucking years of countless dating to find someone I even liked this much. It wasn't even close. It felt like a fucking miracle.

 

[Assanova]

I took me two fucking years of countless dating to find someone I even liked this much. It wasn't even close. It felt like a fucking miracle.

Who are you referring to and how many dates have you been on? You mention more than one girl in your recent posts.

 

[Lulubop]

Girl I had talking to and posting about for almost two monthsish. I dunno what the fuck happened. For a long time It felt like she was more into me than I was into her. I said that to her today, and she said I'm sorry I gave you that impression. Ice cold. I don't get it, she got so upset when she found out I was still on Tinder and stuff. What gives? What happened? She said it's because she wants to focus on the lsat, but sh'es out all the time and I'm not suffocating her. She said she thought about it this weekend, but I can pinpoint the exact day were she started to act off. Mind you that same day she was very affectionate in her texting and phone call. It's almost as if right when she laid eyes on me that day all her feelings for me disappeared.

I had an amazing time with her. We explored so much. I meet all of her closet friends. I enjoyed her personality and affection. In terms of appearance she was pretty much ideal in what I was looking for. I don't wanna do this online shit anymore.

 

[Daphnes Nohansen Hyrule]

I think there are things you just shouldn't say that earlier in a relationship

 

[Lulubop]

I said the you seemed more into me thing during the conversation. Like I said I was surprised she texted me, she replies way later and says on we should hang out tomo. I'm thinking ok great! I tell her sure and give her a time, ask her a question and she doesn't reply. I see her ok fb through the night and I'm just like fuck it, i ask her what's up and she gives me the oh you're a great guy and you deserve someone who's really into you stuff. Whatever. Actually, I can't sleep. Meeting all her friends, her mom and all these things we did. I'm like no way this shit is gonna happen.

 

[Assanova]

Girl I had talking to and posting about for almost two monthsish. I dunno what the fuck happened. For a long time It felt like she was more into me than I was into her. I said that to her today, and she said I'm sorry I gave you that impression. Ice cold. I don't get it, she got so upset when she found out I was still on Tinder and stuff. What gives? What happened? She said it's because she wants to focus on the lsat, but sh'es out all the time and I'm not suffocating her. She said she thought about it this weekend, but I can pinpoint the exact day were she started to act off. Mind you that same day she was very affectionate in her texting and phone call. It's almost as if right when she laid eyes on me that day all her feelings for me disappeared.

I had an amazing time with her. We explored so much. I meet all of her closet friends. I enjoyed her personality and affection. In terms of appearance she was pretty much ideal in what I was looking for. I don't wanna do this online shit anymore.

I think there are things you just shouldn't say that earlier in a relationship

Two months isn't too soon, especially when someone has brought you around their parents. I can almost guarantee that there is another guy in the picture. That stuff doesn't just happen unless there is someone else or you majorly screw up.

 

[Palpable]

This girl I've been seeing (recently had 2nd date) really likes me. She is less than subtle about it, too. Sadly, I don't think I like her back in the same way. It's a shame, because I thought I would. It's like even the slightest thing will turn me off to a girl now. I don't understand. Why? I was not like this before I met my ex. What the fuck?!

 

[dskillzhtown]

This girl I've been seeing (recently had 2nd date) really likes me. She is less than subtle about it, too. Sadly, I don't think I like her back in the same way. It's a shame, because I thought I would. It's like even the slightest thing will turn me off to a girl now. I don't understand. Why? I was not like this before I met my ex. What the fuck?!

I have been there. Sometimes it is something that you can't explain, but you don't dig someone who really digs you. When you split with someone, you feel the need to be alot more selective, alot more sure of things so that you won't go through a breakup again. Not necessarily the worst thing, but can get in the way of you starting something really good.

 

[dskillzhtown]

I said the you seemed more into me thing during the conversation. Like I said I was surprised she texted me, she replies way later and says on we should hang out tomo. I'm thinking ok great! I tell her sure and give her a time, ask her a question and she doesn't reply. I see her ok fb through the night and I'm just like fuck it, i ask her what's up and she gives me the oh you're a great guy and you deserve someone who's really into you stuff. Whatever. Actually, I can't sleep. Meeting all her friends, her mom and all these things we did. I'm like no way this shit is gonna happen.

I might be wrong, but weren't you seeing a bunch of other women during this 2 months you were dating her? If so, maybe she liked you at a distance when you were less accessible. Now that you are trying to make it a serious thing, she isn't really digging you. People act a bit differently when they are trying to build something permanent than when they are just having a good time. Again, not sure of all the specifics, I may have you confused with someone else.

 

[Lone_Prodigy]

I said the you seemed more into me thing during the conversation. Like I said I was surprised she texted me, she replies way later and says on we should hang out tomo. I'm thinking ok great! I tell her sure and give her a time, ask her a question and she doesn't reply. I see her ok fb through the night and I'm just like fuck it, i ask her what's up and she gives me the oh you're a great guy and you deserve someone who's really into you stuff. Whatever. Actually, I can't sleep. Meeting all her friends, her mom and all these things we did. I'm like no way this shit is gonna happen.

Never assume that because they're available, they're available for you. I think, in the end, you were too into her and she couldn't keep up. Didn't you say before that you re-installed Tinder because she wouldn't reply for a couple days? How can she expect you to be "faithful" if she's too busy? She didn't want that. I can't remember if you talked about exclusivity, but I feel like if you're really into someone, at the very least stop swiping.

Part of being in a relationship is letting people be a part of their lives. It shouldn't be persistent and all-consuming. Just like spending all day playing video games or drinking is unhealthy, so is obsessing over someone.

I know things will be hard for some time: breaking up is nothing new to humans. Maybe cut back on the Tindering for a few weeks. You won't have trouble meeting someone when you're ready.

Two months isn't too soon, especially when someone has brought you around their parents. I can almost guarantee that there is another guy in the picture. That stuff doesn't just happen unless there is someone else or you majorly screw up.

Doesn't always have to be someone else. I think he got too attached and impatient.

 

[Lulubop]

I'm already kinda over it.

I only redownloaded Tinder because I can feel something was up, and I was right.

I'm just confused because she seemed pretty infatuated with me. Getting upset I was on Tinder and still out is so weird in retrospect. At the time I told her I didn't care if she was seeing someone, because we weren't exclusive and she was like so what, I'm really into you... blah, blah, blah. Like what the fuck. Ugh

I will say this experience has given me a huge boon to my physical confidence.

 

[Palpable]

I have been there. Sometimes it is something that you can't explain, but you don't dig someone who really digs you. When you split with someone, you feel the need to be alot more selective, alot more sure of things so that you won't go through a breakup again. Not necessarily the worst thing, but can get in the way of you starting something really good.

Yeah, hopefully it's a good thing. I hate to break her heart, but I made no commitments or anything. I just dunno how I'm gonna say it.

 

[ClosingADoor]

Yeah, hopefully it's a good thing. I hate to break her heart, but I made no commitments or anything. I just dunno how I'm gonna say it.

It's just been second date, not a breakup. Just let her know you're not feeling it and done. It's not that big of a deal.

 

[Palpable]

It's just been second date, not a breakup. Just let her know you're not feeling it and done. It's not that big of a deal.

I suppose not. I just feel bad doing so because it's painfully obvious that she really likes me.

 

[Lulubop]

I just want AD and Jipan to give me a big ol hug

 

[Palpable]

Whelp, I did it. She didn't take it hard. Pains me that she said, "if you change your mind, you have my number." Come on, don't sell yourself short. Don't be a 2nd choice. :/

 

[Jhoan]

I just want AD and Jipan to give me a big ol hug

If it's any consolation, at least you have this weekend's GAF meetup to look forward to. You can do that then but don't drink your sorrows away like a Bachata song. ;p

I will say that I agree that you got way too invested in it moreso than she did while she was getting turned off by your tendencies to jump back into Tinder. I remember you stating that it was cuffing season so I think she sensed your insistence. I think there's no need to rush into a short term seasonal fling. If it's a long term relationship you're really after, maybe you should reassess your priorities and take a break from dating. From the sounds of it, she wasn't on the same page as you being a college student who's swamped with exams and has other priorities.

Whelp, I did it. She didn't take it hard. Pains me that she said, "if you change your mind, you have my number." Come on, don't sell yourself short. Don't be a 2nd choice. :/

Hey at least you were being assertive/honest with yourself. Not many guys can face their fears head on. As the saying goes, The truth will set you free. She left her door open so no harm done. Don't feel bad about doing it and move forward with your best foot forward.

 

[Lulubop]

I think it was a bunch of little things. Even tho I liked her a lot I was never to suffocating. Probably the other way around as she hit me up a few times and was like hey I'm in your hood wanna hang out. Making dates, and agreeing to hang out felt mutual. I never flaked on her and she never flaked on me or didn't give me an excuse. I didn't return to tinder until last Thursday when I felt like her interest was gone. I think it was stuff like feeling lost career wise, and maybe money issues tho that really wasn't an issue. However I did bring up something to my therapist. I mentioned that she had made a big deal about my not buying these 5 dollar comedy show tickets. I didn't think it was a big deal, but to her it was and my therapist agreed with her. Didn't know that was a big no-no. I feel alright now. Blocked her everywhere I could. I'll check my spam folder in a few months and see if she ever texted me back


She was done with school, but was studying for the lsat.

Haha, I have some really cute pictures I took with her for my bday thing. I'll show them to you at the meet up.

 

[Advocatus Diaboli]

I just want AD and Jipan to give me a big ol hug

Aw, man. I'm sorry to hear it. I know what it's like when you pass through tons of uninteresting women and then finally meet someone who you actually care about. It sucks, believe me, but there will be others. They don't come along often, though, believe me. I figure it's a learning experience, plus you didn't do anything wrong -- it could be a ton of reasons, but ultimately, you gave it your best shot, went "all in," and decided to see what happened.

I figure I'll update this thread, because the other one has basically regressed to junior high-level "how do I talk to girls? questions.

I've been dating a girl for a little over a month now. Everything was going splendidly so far: we have the same sense of humor, we have the same values, and we spend a ton of time together (lots of sleepovers). I've met her sister, which was stupid easy because they live together; I've seen her dad on Skype, which was harder because he knows 10 words in English. She's amazingly affectionate and totally into me. But...

Last weekend she confessed something to me after I forced her into being honest: I'm handsome and muscular but she's not sexually attracted to me right now. (Basically, too many D.C. happy hours took their toll on me, and this was something I realized around New Year's, which is when I started a plan to get into better shape.) She was scared to tell me because she thought I'd walk out the door and never see her again. She's a legit 10 ... even in Brazil. I get it. I'm not what she's used to. This is the quintessential GAF story of witty/smart guy lands witty/smart/drop-dead gorgeous girl.

She felt terrible. She wished it were different. She apologized. And then I took it way better than expected. Am I completely off-base for wanting to be a hot, healthy, world-traveling couple rather than eating Chipotle? Part of me feels hurt that she mentioned it; another part of me worries if she'll ever be attracted enough to me. The counterpoint is, hot guys land hot girls, and even if things don't work out with her, there's nothing wrong with improving myself.

My friends think it's a red flag, but that if it's a one-off occurrence and she doesn't mention it again, that's fine. I can't knock someone for honesty, and she's (weirdly) backing it up, saying that she can't wait to seduce and destroy me.

 

[Lulubop]

I feel you on that. I have a small gut it makes me super self conscious without a shirt. I was goinf really hard at the end of the summer and then I broke my arm. I just started going back to the gym in Jan but last week was the first time I worked out and my arm didn't feel off. So this week I'm hoping to go a full four days for the first time since.

I don't think it's a red flag, well I think she'll be happy to see the effort.

One thing I really liked about the girl I was seeing as that she always made me feel attractive. Just always complementing me, and she was gorgeous herself.


So the girl I hooked up with on Saturday never hit me up again. I felt like we both went into it as a one time thing, but I wouldn't mind seeing her again tbqh. I'm kinda scared to hit her up and get shut down again at this point tho lol.

 

[Advocatus Diaboli]

I feel you on that. I have a small gut it makes me super self conscious without a shirt. I was goinf really hard at the end of the summer and then I broke my arm. I just started going back to the gym in Jan but last week was the first time I worked out and my arm didn't feel off. So this week I'm hoping to go a full four days for the first time since.

I don't think it's a red flag, well I think she'll be happy to see the effort.

One thing I really liked about the girl I was seeing as that she always made me feel attractive. Just always complementing me, and she was gorgeous herself.


So the girl I hooked up with on Saturday never hit me up again. I felt like we both went into it as a one time thing, but I wouldn't mind seeing her again tbqh. I'm kinda scared to hit her up and get shut down again at this point tho lol.

Thanks, I really needed to hear what you said, honestly. I asked a female friend and a (gay) buddy, so having that perspective helps.

In almost 2 years of doing this, I've met a grand total of 4 girls I truly cared about -- maybe 5, in time -- out of dozens of dates. So far, the best thing that happened to me was meeting a girl who turned into a friend. It's a numbers game, but for other reasons.

Don't be afraid of getting shut down. Finding someone you actually want to make an effort with is rare enough.

 

[Assanova]

I think it was a bunch of little things. Even tho I liked her a lot I was never to suffocating. Probably the other way around as she hit me up a few times and was like hey I'm in your hood wanna hang out. Making dates, and agreeing to hang out felt mutual. I never flaked on her and she never flaked on me or didn't give me an excuse. I didn't return to tinder until last Thursday when I felt like her interest was gone. I think it was stuff like feeling lost career wise, and maybe money issues tho that really wasn't an issue. However I did bring up something to my therapist. I mentioned that she had made a big deal about my not buying these 5 dollar comedy show tickets. I didn't think it was a big deal, but to her it was and my therapist agreed with her. Didn't know that was a big no-no. I feel alright now. Blocked her everywhere I could. I'll check my spam folder in a few months and see if she ever texted me back


She was done with school, but was studying for the lsat.

Haha, I have some really cute pictures I took with her for my bday thing. I'll show them to you at the meet up.

You couldn't buy $5 comedy show tickets or you wouldn't buy them? No woman likes an excessively cheap man. It's not a knock against you, but if you are that broke, I would stick to one night stands. Being a student is understandable, but it's also just $5. It's not like she was asking you to buy tickets to the Super Bowl.

Aw, man. I'm sorry to hear it. I know what it's like when you pass through tons of uninteresting women and then finally meet someone who you actually care about. It sucks, believe me, but there will be others. They don't come along often, though, believe me. I figure it's a learning experience, plus you didn't do anything wrong -- it could be a ton of reasons, but ultimately, you gave it your best shot, went "all in," and decided to see what happened.

I figure I'll update this thread, because the other one has basically regressed to junior high-level "how do I talk to girls? questions.

I've been dating a girl for a little over a month now. Everything was going splendidly so far: we have the same sense of humor, we have the same values, and we spend a ton of time together (lots of sleepovers). I've met her sister, which was stupid easy because they live together; I've seen her dad on Skype, which was harder because he knows 10 words in English. She's amazingly affectionate and totally into me. But...

Last weekend she confessed something to me after I forced her into being honest: I'm handsome and muscular but she's not sexually attracted to me right now. (Basically, too many D.C. happy hours took their toll on me, and this was something I realized around New Year's, which is when I started a plan to get into better shape.) She was scared to tell me because she thought I'd walk out the door and never see her again. She's a legit 10 ... even in Brazil. I get it. I'm not what she's used to. This is the quintessential GAF story of witty/smart guy lands witty/smart/drop-dead gorgeous girl.

She felt terrible. She wished it were different. She apologized. And then I took it way better than expected. Am I completely off-base for wanting to be a hot, healthy, world-traveling couple rather than eating Chipotle? Part of me feels hurt that she mentioned it; another part of me worries if she'll ever be attracted enough to me. The counterpoint is, hot guys land hot girls, and even if things don't work out with her, there's nothing wrong with improving myself.

My friends think it's a red flag, but that if it's a one-off occurrence and she doesn't mention it again, that's fine. I can't knock someone for honesty, and she's (weirdly) backing it up, saying that she can't wait to seduce and destroy me.

If she is Latin, you have nothing to worry about. I've dated several and they are the most loyal women that I have come across. Anyhow, I would be happy that she mentioned it. Most people that I've come across who date online have no idea of how to talk things out and let the other person know about their issues and concerns; they just bolt on to the next person and wonder why they are still single.

 

[Lulubop]

Nah, it wasn't that I wss broke. Just didn't think it was a big deal, but the fact that it was that cheap was the big deal. I get it, just didn't cross my mind.

 

[ClosingADoor]

Whelp, I did it. She didn't take it hard. Pains me that she said, "if you change your mind, you have my number." Come on, don't sell yourself short. Don't be a 2nd choice. :/

Better to get it out of the way then stringing her along longer or ghosting. It happens to everyone and at least for me I appreciate someone just saying it instead of disappearing.

Last weekend she confessed something to me after I forced her into being honest: I'm handsome and muscular but she's not sexually attracted to me right now. (Basically, too many D.C. happy hours took their toll on me, and this was something I realized around New Year's, which is when I started a plan to get into better shape.) She was scared to tell me because she thought I'd walk out the door and never see her again. She's a legit 10 ... even in Brazil. I get it. I'm not what she's used to. This is the quintessential GAF story of witty/smart guy lands witty/smart/drop-dead gorgeous girl.

Just be sure you want to put in that work for yourself and don't only do it for her. Sounds like she is being honest and at least talks about that stuff when needed. Always better to have it in the open so you know where everyone stands. I'd say go for it, but not only because she wants you to, but because you would even without her.

If someone makes work of being in shape, I don't think it is unreasonable they want their partner to do that also.

 

[Lone_Prodigy]

I notice I keep editing out my posts haha.

Anyway, I met a girl a month ago and it's been a bit of a whirlwind since. I've already met her friends and we spent most of last weekend together. We get along so well it's almost mind-boggling.

I did wonder if we were moving too fast (relatively speaking), but then I thought "why not"? She's smart, funny, beautiful, and we have a lot in common. I'm not asking her to marry me tomorrow. Why not just enjoy each other's company for now?

 

[Advocatus Diaboli]

If she is Latin, you have nothing to worry about. I've dated several and they are the most loyal women that I have come across. Anyhow, I would be happy that she mentioned it. Most people that I've come across who date online have no idea of how to talk things out and let the other person know about their issues and concerns; they just bolt on to the next person and wonder why they are still single.

Yeah, native Brazilian and very family-oriented. I'm getting the "loyalty" vibe pretty strongly with her -- as in, we're going to give it some time and see what happens rather than starting the swiping process over again. I'm actually ecstatic that she mentioned it. I really had two choices: whine and pout, or do something I've been meaning to do anyway, with the added benefit of showing her that I care. So I chose option #2.

Just be sure you want to put in that work for yourself and don't only do it for her. Sounds like she is being honest and at least talks about that stuff when needed. Always better to have it in the open so you know where everyone stands. I'd say go for it, but not only because she wants you to, but because you would even without her.

If someone makes work of being in shape, I don't think it is unreasonable they want their partner to do that also.

Yeah, exactly. Honestly, I had a drunken kiss with someone last weekend, and at that point, I realized that I could attract women like that without trying. But attracting quality people means being quality yourself.

I notice I keep editing out my posts haha.

Anyway, I met a girl a month ago and it's been a bit of a whirlwind since. I've already met her friends and we spent most of last weekend together. We get along so well it's almost mind-boggling.

I did wonder if we were moving too fast (relatively speaking), but then I thought "why not"? She's smart, funny, beautiful, and we have a lot in common. I'm not asking her to marry me tomorrow. Why not just enjoy each other's company for now?

No couple that worked out ever said to each other, "I really wish we'd spent less time together because other people might think we were moving too quickly." Don't worry about arbitrary standards or goalposts. If it's working for you two, then keep doing it.

(Also, +1 for the superior dating thread. Way to go, guys.)

 

[Salamando]

(Also, +1 for the superior dating thread. Way to go, guys.)

But I enjoy parroting out the same advice of "Don't overthink texting" "Just ask her out" and "dude, seriously, ask her out"....

Cheers to getting more fit! Just remember though, it's very much a marathon and requires a ton of patience. And it's hard to both gain muscle mass and lose weight at the same time. If you're out to gin muscles, you'll inevitably gain some fat at the same time (hence bulking and cutting phases).

Just looking to lose weight, an aggressive schedule would have you losing 2 lbs a week...1-1.5 lbs is more realistic. Watch what you eat, get some cardio in, and work those weights to retain the muscle mass you do have.

 

[Advocatus Diaboli]

But I enjoy parroting out the same advice of "Don't overthink texting" "Just ask her out" and "dude, seriously, ask her out"....

Cheers to getting more fit! Just remember though, it's very much a marathon and requires a ton of patience. And it's hard to both gain muscle mass and lose weight at the same time. If you're out to gin muscles, you'll inevitably gain some fat at the same time (hence bulking and cutting phases).

Just looking to lose weight, an aggressive schedule would have you losing 2 lbs a week...1-1.5 lbs is more realistic. Watch what you eat, get some cardio in, and work those weights to retain the muscle mass you do have.

I know -- I'm actually fit. I just need to get more fit. The problem is that, since last October, I've been lifting pretty consistently, which means it's time to start cutting. But I bought a sous-vide machine, revamped my entire diet, and I'm trying the low-carb option for a while until I can add those back in. I will learn to love steak and cauliflower.

 

[Palpable]

Better to get it out of the way then stringing her along longer or ghosting. It happens to everyone and at least for me I appreciate someone just saying it instead of disappearing

True. She appreciated my honesty and asked to remain friends. I agreed, of course. I just hate how my ex has still somehow managed to affect me this way even after all this time. The tiniest thing will turn me off to someone. It's crazy. I feel like I'm fuckin' shallow or an asshole now.

 

[Fuchs]

How's it going, guys?
After I got rejected by a girl, I genuinely liked, I installed Tinder again.
I got some matches, which gave me that nice ego-boost, I really needed.

I've been using it for a week or so now and had some nice conversations, that never resolved to anything.
I guess it was mostly my fault, 'cause most of the time I got to the point where I could've given them my phone number, so we could switch to WhatsApp, which moves it into a more serious level of communication, I feel.
Chatting was mostly nice, but there was no real interest on my part. Kinda feel like a dick now...

Well, nevertheless:
yesterday I matched with this incredible pretty girl, which I firstly misstook for one of those obvious bots, but ot of curiosity I still decided to text her.
Some time later and to my surprise I got a witty reply.
We got off great and had a funny back and forth.
I thought, fuck it and decided to ask her for her number aaaand failed (at first!, though!).
Luckily it didn't seem to weird her out, so we kept texting on Tinder.
I learned, she was waaaay into gaming and even had a channel on twitch, where she regularly streamed herself playing games.
I tried to be funny (welp!) and made some quips about her streaming business and eventually she gave me her number. Awesome!
We were semi-regularly texting on WhatsApp throughout the day, which is quite nice.

Now I need online dating-GAF's help:
when should I ask her out for a meet up and how do I know I'm ready for that?
I feel a bit intimidated by her looks (I'd say I'm an over-average looking guy, but still) and the fact, that she's reaaally popular with her male audience, who mostly gift her games on steam.
Also I'm a little anxious that she might be playing with me or just looking for some nice conversations...
Then why using Tinder, eh?
I'm so confused and I know that this is suuuuper weird.
So, yeah! I'm feeling a bit lost here, guys

 

[Fallout-NL]

Now I need online dating-GAF's help:
when should I ask her out for a meet up and how do I know I'm ready for that?

As soon as possible.

I feel a bit intimidated by her looks (I'd say I'm an over-average looking guy, but still) and the fact, that she's reaaally popular with her male audience, who mostly gift her games on steam.

Don't be! Like you say, you look good and I think looks might even be more of a secondary consideration for women than it is for men. That can be either good or bad depending on which way you look at it, cause now you also need to be funny, hehe.

No you actually don't. It just needs to click and it either does or it does not. So get out there and have a good time.

Also I'm a little anxious that she might be playing with me or just looking for some nice conversations...

Best way to find out is to ask her out for a drink. If she's just playing, she'll stall for time or (keep) say(ing) she's busy.

 

[Fuchs]

Thanks Fallout-NL!
Haven't asked her yet, because I'm waiting for the right moment. I don't know if I should ask her out right away... And also how to articulate myself.
Up to now we've been chatting about some nonsense, though her last texts were really brief and she hasn't replied to my most recent one.
I think I need to distract myself, cause I'm stressing myself out

 

[Lulubop]

Actually finally kinda worse now. Not good enough, etc. Just don't understand how someone so into you can just want you outta there life a week later.

 

[Jokab]

Actually finally kinda worse now. Not good enough, etc. Just don't understand how someone so into you can just want you outta there life a week later.

Sorry bro but all this sounds like she met someone else. Similar thing happened to me, turns out she had met a guy about a month before me which things never happened with, and then he came around at the time when she started acting weird and she eventually ended it with me.

 

[Lulubop]

Nah, I would have know if she meet someone else, didn't seem like that. I made a lot of little mistakes she called me out on and after awhile she just didn't think we were compatible is the reason here. I was talking to a coworker here and he made me feel really stupid with all the dumb shit I did and said. A lot of little actions built up.

 

[Fallout-NL]

Thanks Fallout-NL!
Haven't asked her yet, because I'm waiting for the right moment. I don't know if I should ask her out right away... And also how to articulate myself.
Up to now we've been chatting about some nonsense, though her last texts were really brief and she hasn't replied to my most recent one.
I think I need to distract myself, cause I'm stressing myself out

Yeah, that's exactly why you should ask her out in the first few days. Preferably a couple of hours after you first get her number. Interest can wane if you don't show the required initiative. If she says no, odds are she would never have agreed anyway. But if she's already given her number, I'd say she's up for it.

Just ask her (right now - there is no right moment). Then continue the conversation in person.

 

[Palpable]

So the facebook page that my ex kept remaking and never updating for a year was finally updated. She changed her profile picture and cover photo to some shitty picture of her new bf and her. Don't ask me why I looked. I don't know. The thing that threw me off is that my aunt commented on her new profile photo and said how beautiful she looks, knowing full well how fucked up I was over my ex leaving me for this other guy. Okay... sounds like I need to say something to my own fucking aunt.

 

[Advocatus Diaboli]

So the facebook page that my ex kept remaking and never updating for a year was finally updated. She changed her profile picture and cover photo to some shitty picture of her new bf and her. Don't ask me why I looked. I don't know. The thing that threw me off is that my aunt commented on her new profile photo and said how beautiful she looks, knowing full well how fucked up I was over my ex leaving me for this other guy. Okay... sounds like I need to say something to my own fucking aunt.

Don't sabotage what's working for you with your current lady. You've made so much progress - and remember, this is now the advanced thread! I'm not even going to offer advice; you already know what you have to do. Report back in when it's done.

Good luck.

 

[Llyranor]

Is that why you weren't feeling the new girl? Because you're still not over your ex? This rabbit hole goes really deep if she hasn't even been updating for a year and you've still been checking periodically in the hopes she updates. This is why removing all forms of contacts/FB is a good idea if you're not over someone - you didn't need this reminder.

 

[Palpable]

Don't sabotage what's working for you with your current lady. You've made so much progress - and remember, this is now the advanced thread! I'm not even going to offer advice; you already know what you have to do. Report back in when it's done.

Good luck.

I ended things with the other girl. I've found out that I'm far more picky now after my relationship with my ex. I guess it's because I have a better idea of what I want & what I'm looking for. I barely got any sleep last night because of that shit I saw. Wow.

Is that why you weren't feeling the new girl? Because you're still not over your ex? This rabbit hole goes really deep if she hasn't even been updating for a year and you've still been checking periodically in the hopes she updates. This is why removing all forms of contacts/FB is a good idea if you're not over someone - you didn't need this reminder.

I didn't hope she updated. I simply checked to see if it still existed. She had a 2nd FB she always used. I'm not friends with her on any of them, but my aunt & cousin are still friends with her on the old one (which I suppose she is using now). For a year she deactivated & reactivated it with 0 updates to it. Oddly enough these on/offs were during holidays, my bday, etc. I don't know what to tell you. I don't want her back, she's a cunt for leaving me for this guy, but I'm still messed up over a lack of closure & the way it ended. At least I'm not getting with girls for the sake of being with someone. I wont settle for less than what I know I want from someone & a relationship.

Also, I ended things with this girl days before I ever checked my ex's fb. I maybe checked once every few weeks, that's if I even remembered to.

 

[Llyranor]

Yeah, it's fine to keep your standards when meeting new people.

But you really need to stop checking her FB. That doesn't help with the healing process at all. She's out of your life, isn't she? Remove her completely. You shouldn't have to know when she reactivates her account or not.

As for closure, she ditched you for this other guy. That IS closure. Unless it's a mutual break-up, you'll never get a win-win happy ending. You're pissed it happened, but this is as good a closure as you're going to get, realistically-speaking.

 

[electricshake]

Yeah, it's fine to keep your standards when meeting new people.

But you really need to stop checking her FB. That doesn't help with the healing process at all. She's out of your life, isn't she? Remove her completely. You shouldn't have to know when she reactivates her account or not.

As for closure, she ditched you for this other guy. That IS closure. Unless it's a mutual break-up, you'll never get a win-win happy ending. You're pissed it happened, but this is as good a closure as you're going to get, realistically-speaking.

Yup, you pretty much never get the closure you're looking for. And even if you did, it doesn't change anything. You know how I got over my ex? By meeting my current bf. Who is about a million times better than the ex. Sure it took a while, and I jumped back in to dating before I was really ready to meet someone else, but after a bit of time I knew it was what I needed to do.

 

[Palpable]

Yeah, it's fine to keep your standards when meeting new people.

But you really need to stop checking her FB. That doesn't help with the healing process at all. She's out of your life, isn't she? Remove her completely. You shouldn't have to know when she reactivates her account or not.

As for closure, she ditched you for this other guy. That IS closure. Unless it's a mutual break-up, you'll never get a win-win happy ending. You're pissed it happened, but this is as good a closure as you're going to get, realistically-speaking.

It's closure for some, but not for me. Her actions after the breakup were a complete 180 of the entire time we knew each other. I can't accept the way it ended. That's my main issue.

Anyway, my Aunt apologized and deleted her from FB. Now that I see she is using her old fb account again, I wont check it anymore. It's just me punishing myself. It has certainly ruined my day, though.

Yup, you pretty much never get the closure you're looking for. And even if you did, it doesn't change anything. You know how I got over my ex? By meeting my current bf. Who is about a million times better than the ex. Sure it took a while, and I jumped back in to dating before I was really ready to meet someone else, but after a bit of time I knew it was what I needed to do.

I had that feeling twice since my ex, but both times did not work out because I always manage to find something wrong with someone in some form or another. I hope I find someone I click with, a woman that can make me forget all about my ex. I want to be able to look at my ex's pictures and think, "eh, was good while it lasted", and not feel a damn thing. I look forward to that day.

 

[Lone_Prodigy]

What is closure for you? She's already moved on. Do you want to run into her, tell her how she ruined your life? Would that make you feel better? Stalking her social media keeps her in your thoughts and just brings the feelings back.

Also doesn't sound like you should be dating. It's okay to have standards, but you sound insanely hard to please. What if you meet someone just like your ex, minus her bad traits?

 

[Palpable]

What is closure for you? She's already moved on. Do you want to run into her, tell her how she ruined your life? Would that make you feel better? Stalking her social media keeps her in your thoughts and just brings the feelings back.

Also doesn't sound like you should be dating. It's okay to have standards, but you sound insanely hard to please. What if you meet someone just like your ex, minus her bad traits?

No. Just clearing the air, as she believes I said things I didn't say, and did things I didn't do. If looking at an old fb page every couple weeks that hasn't been updated in over a year is "stalking her social media", then you got me there.

Insanely hard to please? Not at all. Sure, I suppose I shouldn't be dating since seeing a picture of my ex is a trigger due to a traumatizing event. I suppose I'll never date again if I go by that.

 

[Lone_Prodigy]

No. Just clearing the air, as she believes I said things I didn't say, and did things I didn't do. If looking at an old fb page every couple weeks that hasn't been updated in over a year is "stalking her social media", then you got me there.

Insanely hard to please? Not at all. Sure, I suppose I shouldn't be dating since seeing a picture of my ex is a trigger due to a traumatizing event. I suppose I'll never date again if I go by that.

You seem to be caught in this state of limbo: you refuse to let her go and move on, yet you do nothing to "clear the air" and obtain what you think is closure. Yes, checking her FB page is stalking, especially since a) you know it's her old/secondary profile and b) you check it on a semi-regular basis.

Either you remove all final traces of her from her life (store the pictures far far away) and make an effort to move on, or contact her to get your so-called closure. Or seek professional help.