There is a lot there that I don't like the sound of.
Online dating being your only option is a convenient lie. If you can meet a girl for coffee on a first date, you can talk up a random girl in the real world and ask her number.
Saying you think you weren't up to her standards implies a lack of self-confidence. Otherwise you'd say something like "she just thought the spark wasn't there", "maybe she met someone she connected with better", maybe even "She was looking for something I didn't have". Your goal is to think you're awesome, and any girl who doesn't want some of that is the one with the problem.
In both cases you mentioned, the girls seemed ready to have romance, but then decided to keep things platonic. How differently do you present yourself in the real world vs how you present yourself online? Pictures, conversation, flirtiness?
Three and a half years is a long time to be failing. How have you refined your approach? Perhaps more importantly, how have you refined yourself?
All very fair. Thanks for the response.
With talking to random girls in the real world, that's something that I'd generally avoid doing, unless there's a very clear in for me. If there's something i can start a conversation with, then I will attempt it. I've done it twice, and they've both had BFs.. Actually one was married, which kinda blew me away for her age.
Either way, main reason for not doing it is i generally hate small talk, and that's what it would be. I struggle with small talk or forced conversations. I prefer if things happened organically.
And yup, i do lack self confidence. Predominantly with my appearance. I'm fairly confident and comfortable with who I am as a person, and that confidence only ever comes out during dates I think.
There is the issue of being brown in a predominantly white area, that can have somewhat of an affect on how many dates I'm able to get. I know I'd do better in a far more mixed environment, which is something I'm currently focusing on doing.
I can't quite work out what happened with the dates I've been on, but I'm guessing it's essentially them having the ability to be more picky.
I'm honestly not too different in person than I am online. I ask my friends if my pics are a decent reflection of me in person, and they say yes. So I trust them on that. I never got the impression that I gave a disappointing first impression upon meeting someone.
The only thing I focus on as far as refining myself, is working out to improve my confidence. Depression has been a major hurdle in that regard, but it's gone for now. So I can reconvene that. Either way, it feels like a slog, and i'm pretty convinced that a change of environment/location will be for the best.
