Self confidence is key. Meet them as soon as possible. You've been waiting on this Craigslist girl for forever, it seems.
I can see how it seems that way, but it's really only been about a week since we first started talking. It doesn't even feel that long, to be honest. There were a few days where we talked heavily, but we didn't yesterday and just exchanged a few messages today.
I tried to use GAF's advice and asked her if she wanted to do something after the first day or two. She said she wasn't ready yet, wanted to talk more and wanted to get more of a read on my personality, to make sure I'm not a murderer.
Understandable stuff.
Then there was the other night, where we talked a lot and something came up where she said there was lots of room on her comfy couch, and sent me a picture. I was worried I was getting sick, and had told her that, so I asked if I could get a raincheck. She then said, "What are you up to tomorrow?" and I replied by stating that I wasn't doing much, just working on a project.
The next reply from her said that she thought maybe we could get coffee, but it probably wouldn't be a good idea if I was sick. We spoke the next day, and she was cleaning her apartment as she told me she would be, but it seemed like she did it all day, and even when I said I was feeling better she didn't mention coffee. I was hesitant to, because I'm honestly nervous about meeting her since she's so good looking and ahead of me in life.
I asked her when she was off next later that night, because I figured I should set something up, and she said Thursday. But she has plans and doesn't know when her next off day is. Her schedule was in her purse, and she was on the couch, so she planned to tell me later I guess.
We kind of left things there, didn't speak the next day and only talked a bit today.
A few things.
(1) Don't worry about the girl with the deleted account. I actually did the same thing to a girl a few months ago, and honestly, it's closure enough. In all likelihood, she became exclusive with someone else (which is what happened with me). Even if you had checked your messages, you would've had the same result.
(2) Read Be the Person You Want to Find by Cheri Huber. Seriously. In fact, that goes for most people in this topic, including myself.
(3) You need to provide more context. What did you say that caused her to comment on your self-consciousness? Or rather -- and this is the deeper issue, Chewie -- what don't you like about yourself that's causing you to act defensively towards someone you don't even know?
(3.1) A corollary to the last answer: I have a challenge for you. I want you to do one thing each day that makes you a more desirable person -- to you. Not to anyone else. This isn't a "get to the gym, bruh," although if you're unhappy about your appearance, that's an option. Have you always wanted to learn something? What is it? What's stopping you from doing so, when you've the whole of the Internet out there? If you accept this challenge, I want you to reply to this post with that one thing that you're going to do.
By the way, for me, it's improving my physical health, cooking skills, language skills (French, Japanese, Portuguese), and "being cultured." Once I have a job, I'll start coding again, and hopefully contribute to fixing some bugs in others' projects.
(4) Instead of asking her where she wants to go -- I mean, is there any real, quantifiable difference between a Tim Horton's and a Starbucks, why don't you take her somewhere that you enjoy and show her something interesting? And why do you always pick coffee?
1) That's very possible. I don't know much about her situation, as she didn't tell me anything about whether she was seeing someone else or not. She did seem pretty interested in meeting, though.
2) I'll have to look it up and see if the library has it.
3) I think it's more than one thing that I've said, where she's read between the lines. I think I mentioned it once in conversation as well. Not in a terribly demeaning way: just stating the fact in a response to something.
She's asked for selfies, so I took them and tried to be positive about them.
This last time? She told me she was at work, and said the guy she was working with stunk because he doesn't bathe or wash his clothes. I asked if she could talk to management, she told me she was management and said that she wants to fire him but needs a replacement.
I said, "Can you get me some good deals?
" to which she replied, "No, only immediate family, but I get 50% off, even on sale prices
." I don't know why I felt the need to, but I said, "I was just kidding" and that I didn't want her to think I was a mooch.
I guess I have a very bad defeatist attitude in life. I'm stuck in a rut that gets bigger with every passing day, don't have a great personality to keep people invested or interested in being with me outside of close friends, and feel like I don't have much to offer a woman outside of my caring/loyal/dependable/sweet persona. I mean, no job, disabilities, etc.
I'm always looking for the other shoe to drop, and when I saw how good looking she was and heard she wants to be a doctor, I really started to anticipate it.
3.1. I'll try. I think I need to work on my self-confidence somehow, and will probably try to start walking again because I'm quite overweight. I used to do so, but stopped, especially during the winter. I used to get in shit, because I'd do it at 3am when it was quiet and I couldn't sleep. Living in the country means people zip up the road, but I always got off of it when a car came.
4. I just figure I'll be nice and let them choose. Most women seem to prefer coffee, and that's what she picked. She will surely pick a Tim Horton's, because there's pretty much nothing else around outside of one Coffee Time she probably doesn't even know exists because it's not close to her. I figured I'd let her choose where, though, because I don't know if she drives or whatnot.
