Yeah, I never had this situation come up, so when I was getting confronted, I was feeling guilty. Thing is, I did set up a 2nd date with girl 1, and now girl 2 knows that too after we were setting up our first date. It's going to look bad regardless but hey, lesson learned. I'll know how to respond better next time. Now it's a matter of can I still salvage this to at least being able to date one of them? I had a good date with girl 1, but she's usually really busy. Girl 2 is really cute and she still sounds like she may be down for a date. If I were to go for girl 2, I would definitely have to drop girl 1. I don't want this affecting their friendship though if I am able to date one or the other lol. This sounds like a relationship-age thread even though it's not even that far into it haha. Anyways, I'm not fretting.
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Online Dating |OT| Please Respond
- Thread starter Jhoan
- Start date
Yeah, I never had this situation come up, so when I was getting confronted, I was feeling guilty. Thing is, I did set up a 2nd date with girl 1, and now girl 2 knows that too after we were setting up our first date. It's going to look bad regardless but hey, lesson learned. I'll know how to respond better next time. Now it's a matter of can I still salvage this to at least being able to date one of them? I had a good date with girl 1, but she's usually really busy. Girl 2 is really cute and she still sounds like she may be down for a date. If I were to go for girl 2, I would definitely have to drop girl 1. I don't want this affecting their friendship though if I am able to date one or the other lol. This sounds like a relationship-age thread even though it's not even that far into it haha. Anyways, I'm not fretting.
It's honestly how I'd react. How is this a helpful response? Building up good reactions to situations like these are all about extracting as much teaching as possible from those situations you do find yourself in. I don't know old how y2dvd is, but no matter the age, I wanted to point out that there's learning to be had from this situation, and the fidgety response is what made the whole thing awkward.
I otherwise don't get the defensive nature of the reply. As if we shouldn't strive to learn from it.
You need to rectify the awkwardness in that case. Figure out which one you want to go for, then make it clear to both?
Ghost_Protocol
Member
Hey guys, do you still do profile reviews? If anyone's interested, here's mine:
http://www.okcupid.com/profile/Ronin0010
I'd really appreciate some feedback. Thanks
http://www.okcupid.com/profile/Ronin0010
I'd really appreciate some feedback. Thanks
Well, you're hot. I'd given your pictures some more work. One selfie is no problem, and if you don't have any more pictures at hand, just get someone to take some of you. Go for a good smile!
I'd rather say "I've always been interested in things like science and technology", and leave out the "geekier things like", since it might cause some prejudice. I'd change "If I consider dating you, it's for the long haul", into "it wouldn't just be for a hookup", or something similar. It still shows that you're not just doing it for short-term stuff, but by not saying "I would want to be serious with you", and instead imply it, you circumvent that reaction some people have to hearing that someone wants to be serious.
I love the "I'm really good at", but perhaps try and figure out something better on "First notice". Big shout-outs to both Archer and The Way of Zen.
Otherwise, I really like it!
Ghost_Protocol
Member
Thanks very much. I'll try and work that in.
stn
Member
@Ghost_Protocol
Hey there! After hearing so many success stories from friends, family, co-workers, and that frustratingly pleasant old man from the e-harmony commercials, curiosity finally got the better of me and I thought I’d see for myself what all the hype was about.
Remove this. Its boring and is what insecure people say as an excuse for why they're on dating. I'm not saying you're boring or insecure, just that many people who have an ego problem with joining online dating like to use their friends and such as an excuse. Open with a good joke instead.
To quote the poet, Coolio, from the work that became a genre unto itself, Kenan and Kel, "AWWW here it goes!"
I consider myself a pretty unique person. I've always been interested in geekier things like science and technology, but I'm also big into cars, traveling, sports, live concerts, and hiking. Lately, I've been putting a lot of effort into going places and doing things I've never seen/done before. Skydiving is up next on the list.
This is okay but you can remove it, too. It takes up space and makes your profile long. The goal is to keep it short and sweet, you want the girl to actually read your whole profile if possible. She'll be more inclined to do so if its short.
I'm a young professional currently working in the valley, but in my downtime after work, you can usually find me at the gym, swimming, playing racquetball, browsing Netflix, or trying to cook things I have no business trying to cook. I’m also very big into movies and spend way too much of my life at the movie theater. If you’re into movies, or film (for those of you REALLY into movies) we need to talk.
Condense this: I work in the Valley, I lift (need a spotter?
), I endlessly browse Netflix looking for the perfect chick-flick, and I like to pretend I can cook. I can't cook. Something like this shows your interests, extends an invite, and makes a few jokes.
In general, friends would say that I'm a pretty relaxed guy, but I have no problem being serious and taking charge when necessary. I'm really open-minded and liberal in most aspects of life, but I also have strong morals and standards for myself. Overall, I'm a completely committed guy and I'm always straightforward with how I feel about things. I'm also aware of the fact that relationships require work and responsibility. That being said, I don't date just anybody and I don't date "just for fun" or to "hookup". Honestly, that's pretty pointless. If I consider dating you, it's for the long haul. No cheating, no games, no childishness, just honesty, commitment and epicness.
Remove this. Relaxed guy can mean apathetic or passive to some people. Don't mention relationships and work and responsibility. Nobody on OKC wants to hear "relationship" before the first date. People are naturally selfish and getting into a commitment makes most hesitate. Avoid the word, show that you don't even think about it. The "no cheating, no games" stuff should also be removed. It shows that you may have potentially experienced it in the past. That may leave a negative effect on someone.
--------------
After college, I was fortunate enough to land an incredible job right away at a very large engineering company. I work on a design team that supports the build, production, and testing of military aircraft.
Also, I'm trying to improve my cooking skills. Please help.
I work on a design team that builds, tests, and supports military aircraft. I also work as a part-time cooking impostor (should be obvious by now).
---------------
No idea. Height?
Take this out. It shows that you're potentially insecure with what your best quality is. Say its your big smile, your bulging biceps, or something like that. Show confidence and humor.
----------------
Catching up with friends, downtown, at the gym, or just relaxing at home watching netflix/playing video games. Do you Mario Kart?
I'm usually cautious about mentioning gaming. You don't want people thinking you're a hermit on Friday night. This is just my opinion but I'm sure some people have had success with gaming girls. Also, I never target gaming girls so that's just me. Leave at your own discretion, just my suggestion.
------------------
You're a non-smoker and don't do any drugs. Drugs are bad.
Otherwise, if you think we've got anything in common or you want to chat a bit, don't hesitate to shoot me a quick note.
Take out the drugs and smoking part, it just sounds negative. I understand your intention behind it but you're better off filling the space with something fun. For example: you should message me if you think I'm the definition of sexy. Doesn't have to be that in particular but something fun. This section should be the strongest in your profile because its the last.
I left out some parts because I thought they were fine. Just my ideas, see what others think.
Hey there! After hearing so many success stories from friends, family, co-workers, and that frustratingly pleasant old man from the e-harmony commercials, curiosity finally got the better of me and I thought I’d see for myself what all the hype was about.
Remove this. Its boring and is what insecure people say as an excuse for why they're on dating. I'm not saying you're boring or insecure, just that many people who have an ego problem with joining online dating like to use their friends and such as an excuse. Open with a good joke instead.
To quote the poet, Coolio, from the work that became a genre unto itself, Kenan and Kel, "AWWW here it goes!"
I consider myself a pretty unique person. I've always been interested in geekier things like science and technology, but I'm also big into cars, traveling, sports, live concerts, and hiking. Lately, I've been putting a lot of effort into going places and doing things I've never seen/done before. Skydiving is up next on the list.
This is okay but you can remove it, too. It takes up space and makes your profile long. The goal is to keep it short and sweet, you want the girl to actually read your whole profile if possible. She'll be more inclined to do so if its short.
I'm a young professional currently working in the valley, but in my downtime after work, you can usually find me at the gym, swimming, playing racquetball, browsing Netflix, or trying to cook things I have no business trying to cook. I’m also very big into movies and spend way too much of my life at the movie theater. If you’re into movies, or film (for those of you REALLY into movies) we need to talk.
Condense this: I work in the Valley, I lift (need a spotter?
), I endlessly browse Netflix looking for the perfect chick-flick, and I like to pretend I can cook. I can't cook. Something like this shows your interests, extends an invite, and makes a few jokes.In general, friends would say that I'm a pretty relaxed guy, but I have no problem being serious and taking charge when necessary. I'm really open-minded and liberal in most aspects of life, but I also have strong morals and standards for myself. Overall, I'm a completely committed guy and I'm always straightforward with how I feel about things. I'm also aware of the fact that relationships require work and responsibility. That being said, I don't date just anybody and I don't date "just for fun" or to "hookup". Honestly, that's pretty pointless. If I consider dating you, it's for the long haul. No cheating, no games, no childishness, just honesty, commitment and epicness.
Remove this. Relaxed guy can mean apathetic or passive to some people. Don't mention relationships and work and responsibility. Nobody on OKC wants to hear "relationship" before the first date. People are naturally selfish and getting into a commitment makes most hesitate. Avoid the word, show that you don't even think about it. The "no cheating, no games" stuff should also be removed. It shows that you may have potentially experienced it in the past. That may leave a negative effect on someone.
--------------
After college, I was fortunate enough to land an incredible job right away at a very large engineering company. I work on a design team that supports the build, production, and testing of military aircraft.
Also, I'm trying to improve my cooking skills. Please help.
I work on a design team that builds, tests, and supports military aircraft. I also work as a part-time cooking impostor (should be obvious by now).
---------------
No idea. Height?
Take this out. It shows that you're potentially insecure with what your best quality is. Say its your big smile, your bulging biceps, or something like that. Show confidence and humor.
----------------
Catching up with friends, downtown, at the gym, or just relaxing at home watching netflix/playing video games. Do you Mario Kart?
I'm usually cautious about mentioning gaming. You don't want people thinking you're a hermit on Friday night. This is just my opinion but I'm sure some people have had success with gaming girls. Also, I never target gaming girls so that's just me. Leave at your own discretion, just my suggestion.
------------------
You're a non-smoker and don't do any drugs. Drugs are bad.
Otherwise, if you think we've got anything in common or you want to chat a bit, don't hesitate to shoot me a quick note.
Take out the drugs and smoking part, it just sounds negative. I understand your intention behind it but you're better off filling the space with something fun. For example: you should message me if you think I'm the definition of sexy. Doesn't have to be that in particular but something fun. This section should be the strongest in your profile because its the last.
I left out some parts because I thought they were fine. Just my ideas, see what others think.
I disagree with stn on several points, so i'll just mention those
gaming - If you're just looking for hookups and don't want to risk losing part of your audience, take it out. If you're looking for a partner that shares your interests, leave it in.
drugs - see above.
I feel like every time stn does these reviews I do the same thing, we must be using OKC in a fundamentally different way lol. Nothing personal.
I agree with a lot of the rest though. Rewrite the ENTIRE paragraph about dating, that stuff shouldn't be in there and sounds way too serious. Cooking is a big plus, up-play that a bit with some humour in the other paragraph.
gaming - If you're just looking for hookups and don't want to risk losing part of your audience, take it out. If you're looking for a partner that shares your interests, leave it in.
drugs - see above.
I feel like every time stn does these reviews I do the same thing, we must be using OKC in a fundamentally different way lol. Nothing personal.
I agree with a lot of the rest though. Rewrite the ENTIRE paragraph about dating, that stuff shouldn't be in there and sounds way too serious. Cooking is a big plus, up-play that a bit with some humour in the other paragraph.
I've actually gotten neutral to negative reactions to adding cooking on my profile, but that's probably because I'm Asian.
for real? I don't mention cooking at all in my profile (because I suck at it), but I always assumed if you can cook that's a big plus. And I don't see why race would have anything to do with that.
Probably because I need to add more masculine traits.
Eeeh I'm still not convinced.
Unless your entire profile reads like a girl's, that shouldn't be an issue. ... I'm pretty sure my profile's not the most masculine either, because... that's not who I am :lolGhost_Protocol
Member
My visitor list is full of gaffers!
@STN
Thanks for the review. I'll remove the no smokers/drug users part from my "you should contact me" section. It is negative. I'll update "The first thing people notice about me" part, and I'll try to make the profile a little shorter. I did think it was a little too long. However, I disagree with you on almost everything else.
I've browsed a few guys' profiles to see what other dudes have said about themselves, and every time I come across lines where they refer to themselves as "sexy", "handsome", "hot", "charming" or anything like that, my eyes roll all the way into the back of my head. Whether they were meant to be lighthearted, harmless comments or not, they come off as very arrogant/douchey to me. Those are compliments you receive, not ones you give to yourself. It's totally not me to self-agrandize in that way.
Also, I'm going to keep the paragraph about dating. I've already received an email complimenting it in particular, and I feel like it sums up exactly how I feel and what I'm looking for atm.
I just don't get many visitors. I always have to initiate (which is fine, it's just weird to have 0 visitors for days and days when I'm updating my profile, answering questions, and making sure I'm not dropping to the bottom of search results.)
I have a pretty decent response rate ~ %50, but conversations tend to die out the moment I ask someone out (even after sending multiple emails back and forth). Just two days ago I had been talking to 4 different girls that I had exchanged at least 3 emails back and forth with (I like to ask out by the 3rd or 4th email), and after I sent the 4th asking them out, all 4 of them went AWOL. Haven't heard from any of them since. It's only been two days, but the response times on most of the emails was no more than an hour.
It all just seems very very random.
@STN
Thanks for the review. I'll remove the no smokers/drug users part from my "you should contact me" section. It is negative. I'll update "The first thing people notice about me" part, and I'll try to make the profile a little shorter. I did think it was a little too long. However, I disagree with you on almost everything else.
I've browsed a few guys' profiles to see what other dudes have said about themselves, and every time I come across lines where they refer to themselves as "sexy", "handsome", "hot", "charming" or anything like that, my eyes roll all the way into the back of my head. Whether they were meant to be lighthearted, harmless comments or not, they come off as very arrogant/douchey to me. Those are compliments you receive, not ones you give to yourself. It's totally not me to self-agrandize in that way.
Also, I'm going to keep the paragraph about dating. I've already received an email complimenting it in particular, and I feel like it sums up exactly how I feel and what I'm looking for atm.
I just don't get many visitors. I always have to initiate (which is fine, it's just weird to have 0 visitors for days and days when I'm updating my profile, answering questions, and making sure I'm not dropping to the bottom of search results.)
I have a pretty decent response rate ~ %50, but conversations tend to die out the moment I ask someone out (even after sending multiple emails back and forth). Just two days ago I had been talking to 4 different girls that I had exchanged at least 3 emails back and forth with (I like to ask out by the 3rd or 4th email), and after I sent the 4th asking them out, all 4 of them went AWOL. Haven't heard from any of them since. It's only been two days, but the response times on most of the emails was no more than an hour.
It all just seems very very random.
Hmm, that is odd. I'm not sure what it is. Maybe you need to switch from email to texting first, and then asking them out via text?
I mean... TBH, I generally don't have an opinion on people's looks, but you actually are good looking in my opinion. I rarely say this about guys. I can't imagine that there aren't a few people out there willing to meet you just because you're hot. More than that, much more importantly... your profile is articulate and doesn't give off the "if it were socially acceptable, i'd just club you over the head and drag you to my cave" vibe. It's actually baffling. Good looking AND articulate is a really, really rare combination.
...maybe you're saying something that scares them off? Have you considered not asking them on dates to dark alleyways in the middle of the night
But seriously, it's odd. Maybe it's the way you ask them out. How have you been doing it?
Could also be the area that he lives in? Maybe there's just not that many people to begin with. If anything this just shows the sad state of online dating for guys though...
Area does play a huge factor with online dating. Highly urbanized, metropolitan areas tend to have a diverse group of users.
I generally have the same problem. Except my hit rate for responses isn't quite as high. Had a great conversation with this girl, I figure let's see if she wants to continue this in person so I ask her out. Nothing. It's been a week. Some girls just aren't willing to make the jump from online to real life, I figure.
ReignofSparrows
Member
Your profile looked pretty damn good from my perspective - which is as a heterosexual guy, so maybe that doesn't mean much, hah. Anyway, I wonder if you should try asking people out sooner. I don't think more emails are necessarily better, at least not in my own personal experience:
So, I haven't done the online dating thing in a few years, but I was 'successful' when I did, I guess. I would estimate that I got a response about 2/3 of the time, though I was selective with who I messaged. However, I noticed that communication bogged down if multiple messages were exchanged. It seemed very unnatural, and it was my biggest roadblock to meeting people. So, I decided to just be more forward. I would say what I normally would say, but I would just ask if they wanted to get coffee or a drink at a bar depending on the profile in the first or second exchange at most. And I swear that when I tried this approach, probably about 90% of the responses that weren't inane (meaning I stopped after one message) turned into at least first dates (if you want to call the first meeting a date). I think ladies are typically pretty selective at the outset when it comes to online dating, so if you are getting responses, you should be able to turn most of those responses into at least a first meeting.
Don't know if this will help, but you seem like a good dude, so good luck!
NipplesAndToes23
Member
It seems like nothing than a waste of time to me. One time some nasty looking hoodrat on Tagged who has poor grammar offered oral sex which I found weird and now that I look at it funny.
I haven't tried this OK Cupid, but I'm not sure who to respond to a lot of those questions they ask since I've never dated before.
I haven't tried this OK Cupid, but I'm not sure who to respond to a lot of those questions they ask since I've never dated before.
I've taken your advice and just asked someone out.. (granted, I did it after 13 messages had been swapped... I may have waited too long ~.~)
I'll report back!
ReignofSparrows
Member
Great, now I'm on the hook. Change of advice to everyone who reads my post - never ask anyone to meet. Ever!
Kidding. Good luck!
I think you just came off a little abrasive was all. My situation was not typical so I think my reaction probably would've been more common than you think but no hard feelings. I know you're just trying to give advice.
I got off the phone again with girl 2 and we're clicking really well. She says I need to speak to her friend to see if there's still anything there before we can see each other. So I'm going to message girl 1 tomorrow and break it off. I haven't been on a date with girl 2 yet so I'm taking a risk doing this, but I feel like we will probably be more compatible. Decisions, decisions lol. Sucks because I probably would've just dated the both of them until I find out which one is more compatible but since they know I'm interested in both of them, I have to choose one.
On the whole asking for dates thingy, I don't think you should set up a rule of having to ask for a date after oh so many messages. I'm not going to lie, sometimes it takes me over 100 messages to get a number. I know one time it was 250+ messages, but it didn't feel forced which was nice. She just gave it to me and that's that. Actually, most of the numbers I've gotten were just from them giving it to me without even asking. We just kept chatting and they eventually just gave me their number after being comfortable. It feels more natural.
Ghost Protocol: I don't think guys gets that many visitors. Maybe the guys here can speak otherwise, but I'm sure girl users are too busy filtering thru there inbox, or are checking out the profiles that Liked them or visited them. I rarely ever get visitors outside of the ones who have noticed I visited their page or Liked them. In other words, you just got to be the initiator.
MrToughPants
Brian Burke punched my mom
Went on back to back dates, Saturday and Sunday, with the most amazing girl... We went to the zoo, had dinner and then played a few rounds of mini golf. Second date we went for a walk at the Forks, outdoor shops and big park, in Winnipeg. Made out on the bridge for a while and sat on a bench in each others arms. We went for early supper then had ice cream and took a walk. This one is a keeper.
RandyBobandy
Banned
How do you work on rustiness? I've been out of the game like 3 years and feel like I don't know how to talk anymore.
I'm probably not completely over my ex either so that isn't helping
Edit; do you check other people's profiles? I could post mine when I get out of work. Advice on it would be great
I'm probably not completely over my ex either so that isn't helping
Edit; do you check other people's profiles? I could post mine when I get out of work. Advice on it would be great
Only thing I'd say is that your profile is a little long. But I'm a guy so who knows what girls on there want. Your lack of success would explain why the same thing happens to me too though, 'cause I'm not even as good-looking as you and I find that girls on there will stop replying randomly when it seems we were hitting it off.
Halcyon
Member
yea people been posting their okcupid profiles. There's only 1 woman who has been posting here though so you're going to get alot of dude feedback.
What flavor ice cream? And cone or cup?
electricshake
Member
Two! Though admittedly I've not been doing much in the way of giving feedback. But if anyone wants to pm me there profile I'm happy to have a look.
Lone_Prodigy
Member
Well looks like I ran out of matches on Tinder. Time to delete and reactivate.
For the record my fake account got more matches than my real account. Then again I used different pictures and profiles for each one. It's kind of funny when both accounts match with the same person haha.
For the record my fake account got more matches than my real account. Then again I used different pictures and profiles for each one. It's kind of funny when both accounts match with the same person haha.
Anything but a cup is inferior
Go to your local Starbucks. Start a friendly conversation with the barista.
I'm not even sure how much profiles really matters to be honest outside of good pictures. The conversations I've had, they rarely ever bring up something that's in my profile. It was all from me carrying things with my "conversational" skills.
No doubt, some will look at the profile, but I wouldn't be too hung up on it and would just suggest messaging something witty to as many interests as possible.
stn: I'm running into a lot of bot matches ;[ If I see a watermark, I'm just going to assume it's a bot. I'm thinking if I see an instagram sn, they aren't really serious about this.
No doubt, some will look at the profile, but I wouldn't be too hung up on it and would just suggest messaging something witty to as many interests as possible.
stn: I'm running into a lot of bot matches ;[ If I see a watermark, I'm just going to assume it's a bot. I'm thinking if I see an instagram sn, they aren't really serious about this.
Bot matches?
stn
Member
Yeah, same here. Most of the time I just use humor to carry me, I rarely get questioned about my own profile. Ironically, the girls who send me good messages targeted at my profile are the ones I usually have no interest in. Oh well.
Anything but a cup is inferior
I prefer the complementary crunch as I'm completing my ice cream experience.
Lone_Prodigy
Member
kame-sennin
Member
Prophecy650
Member
I get a lot of the "like" in okcupid. I even get messages and then reply and nothing.
Lone_Prodigy
Member
POF is more shallow than OKC: if you're not super good-looking you won't get far.
I end up "biting" my ice cream when I use a cone
I've used both and honestly there's not much of a difference. OkC has more of an educated hipster crowd (though exceptions exist) whereas POF has everyone else.
And to be perfectly honest, my POF dates were usually better than OkC.
LOL I just added that in xD
It's true ._.
Is my pic okay for a profile pic, or are one of the other two better?
Fine. Keep in in.
I didn't want to date you anyway. xP
edit; all the pictures are pretty low quality/bad lighting. Why would you use the crappy camera part of your phone? Try and get a better one.
Have fun with the other degenerates, then!
I am the last true perfect gentleman.
*dusts off shoulders*
Ain't nobody got time for a real camera.
Halcyon
Member
It's funny. Everytime I look at one of you guys it's like 90+ match rating. And then I see basically all this stuff I have in common and then realize we are all gaffers.
I think it's fine but I'm not a woman. Nothing about it screams weirdo to me.