davepoobond
you can't put a price on sparks
Does your friend have a gf?
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Online Dating |OT| Please Respond
- Thread starter Jhoan
- Start date
Does your friend have a gf?
Sooooo many bots.
99% of the time if the girl sends a pick-up line on the first message, has a few pictures and some of them look blurry, and a blank profile, it's a bot.
Anyways I spent 2 nights at a girl's house that I met on POF 4 years ago this weekend, but we actually never met before because she went back to her ex shortly after making it, but we had a decent enough conversation that we became FB friends to keep in touch.
Sealed the deal. #datlonggame
And I actually almost left her place in the middle of the night to hookup with this other girl from Tinder, but her roommates were home so she wanted to fuck in my car. I took an Uber to POF girl's place so I didn't have one that night.
99% of the time if the girl sends a pick-up line on the first message, has a few pictures and some of them look blurry, and a blank profile, it's a bot.
Anyways I spent 2 nights at a girl's house that I met on POF 4 years ago this weekend, but we actually never met before because she went back to her ex shortly after making it, but we had a decent enough conversation that we became FB friends to keep in touch.
Sealed the deal. #datlonggame
And I actually almost left her place in the middle of the night to hookup with this other girl from Tinder, but her roommates were home so she wanted to fuck in my car. I took an Uber to POF girl's place so I didn't have one that night.
I've come to the realization that despite how much I lament about getting dates canned, new ones sprout in its place instantly; I have a date with a girl from Tinder that I started talking to yesterday this weekend. Been talking to a couple of other girls from there as well and it's going good. So it hasn't been all doom and gloom.
I think the lesson to be learned here is that if a couple of girls aren't interested, immediately get back on the swiping/messaging game, and new girls will eventually come into the scene. That's why it's so important both guys and girls here message multiple people so you don't just focus one person and get hurt if you get flaked on. I bounce back pretty easily. So can you guys so keep at it. Scheduling dates is a pain the ass though when you so much going on already as is.
I think the lesson to be learned here is that if a couple of girls aren't interested, immediately get back on the swiping/messaging game, and new girls will eventually come into the scene. That's why it's so important both guys and girls here message multiple people so you don't just focus one person and get hurt if you get flaked on. I bounce back pretty easily. So can you guys so keep at it. Scheduling dates is a pain the ass though when you so much going on already as is.
AlphaTwo00
Member
I get that, but at the same time it's starting I'm running towards Funky Papa's situation, juggling multiple conversations is hard, and one wrong thing said to someone is just going to blow up in your face.Exactly. Numbers game, like finding a job
That's why I basically lie. I'm not in it for relationships, probably just a few nights together but that's it.
The lies do pile up and get chaotic.
Not looking for anything serious as well but I'm up front about it in my profile. Cuts the BS, saves girls time even though it means less matches. I wouldn't mind having a short term relationship. Otherwise, I value my freedom/independence too much to be tied down to a serious relationship at the moment.
Something I never understood about other people's dating experiences: how on earth does someone say something wrong in a dating context? I mean, as long as you're genuine and honest, then it can't be wrong, no?
OriginofHysteria
Banned
Welp first date tonight with a girl from okc. Wish me luck!
Funky Papa
FUNK-Y-PPA-4
I'm bummed as hell. Today's date was fun, smart and clearly into it, but she didn't click at all. Not the tiniest bit. All I could think was "man, she could be a cool friend".
Seriously. It sucks something fierce.
Seriously. It sucks something fierce.
We didn't meet online so she introduced herself in person.
And I forgot her name in the heat of the moment. :lol
AlphaTwo00
Member
In the context of strictly messaging online, when you realized you say something to a person you haven't said before. And then you get a "are you sure you're talking to the right person?" question.
He's in a long term relationship and has been out of the game for a while.
LOL to tell you the truth, this has happened to me soooo many times on the dance floor, back when I used to do ballroom dancing.
Oh okay, I understand what you guys mean now
Haha yeah it can be a crapshoot. Good luck!
What! That's insane. My partner is a few states over, but once a month is plenty. It's so expensive.
YAY
Exactly. Numbers game, like finding a job
I'm not sure how you'll react to this but my ex had been frustrating me for a while and your blog post about love goals was what pushed me to finally break up with her.
Now I'm struggling to get anyone to talk to me, but that's my problem. I'll get there.
Uh oh guys. I'm beginning to feel fatigue from putting much effort online to not see much results. I've been more successful at bars than online. I think I'll just use the like function and not bother with messages.
I do have this one girl that's really into me but I don't think I'm feeling it in return. Then there's this other girl who finally gave me her number weeks into chatting and we're finally planning a date next week. If that date doesn't go anywhere, I'm definitely cutting back online.
I do have this one girl that's really into me but I don't think I'm feeling it in return. Then there's this other girl who finally gave me her number weeks into chatting and we're finally planning a date next week. If that date doesn't go anywhere, I'm definitely cutting back online.
As a girl you can afford to do that, since most likely the guy will have contacted you, so you already know that there's some interest. As a guy, the girl might flake anytime for whatever reason, so getting your hopes up and investing heavily in each conversation/date is exhausting and painful. And very straining on your ego. Of course a guy might flake too, but it's probably more rare if he's the one that initiated it.
Eh. I'm in Seattle, probably one of the best places to meet the kinds of girls I'm into, but very few of them seem to exist on okc. I don't drink or do drugs, I'm an atheist, I think intelligent, articulate Asian girls are great, and I want to do more than vanilla sexual things. I know they're out there but so many people online are religious white girls.
Oh, and, the OKC question, "STALE is to STEAL as 89475 is to..."
The answer is 89547. Simple logic question. I have not yet found a single person who got that question right.
AlphaTwo00
Member
Last time around, I was doing the OCR job search type you were suggesting, doing very few, selected introductory messages and such, and you know what, I got absolutely zero results. I could be the guy that sits their hoping and waiting for that person to respond, not knowing whether they'll even read the message, or care to even tell me they're not interested. Here, and many other places, and many other people have pointed this out before: for a guy, you're pretty much going to have to do so, they're inbox is going to be flooded anyways, and you're just another one along the many messages that they'll get. For a while, I was sending out maybe one or two a day, and never getting any replies back (and frankly, 1 or 2 new contacts a day was low according to many people), I just have an embarrassment of riches where more than 2 have come back to strike up conversation at the same time.
But I get what you mean. If I proceed forward, it's limited to one, I don't have that much game (nor would I try)
Edit: basically what Smiley90 said. I've had plenty previously where I'd have conversations, and drop off the face of the earth. I don't know what it is, but it's a common thing (and frankly, according to the ex when we were talking about our experience meeting people online, she's done that exact same thing, and she didn't feel there's a need to reply on their side because of just how many messages they get bombarded with a day)
No offense to any Asian girls out there (specifically bunny, I remember something there), but those two criteria clash more often than not. At least here in Vancouver, which I'm assuming isn't very different from Seattle. A lot of the Asian girls here are either religious&conservative or just conservative in general. I'm not saying all of them, but at least a significant chunk. And of those that aren't like that, most of them are extroverted enough to meet people in real life, which means that most girls that ARE on OKC are the more introverted vanilla type. Just my experience, at least.
TangerineCloud
Banned
I just wanna yell at my computer whenever someone picks the wrong answer to this but marks all of the other answers as "unacceptable" because they're just so sure that they're correct.
You're probably right. I have no problem meeting people in person, I just made a ton of friends at PAX. It's just a pain in the ass to travel downtown just to hope I bump into someone cool.
If it makes you feel any better, I set my OKC account to include seattle at some point and there's a ton of girls I'd love to meet up with. But..... too far. :lol How long does it take you to get downtown to a decent pub/bar or sports club/whatever?
About 30 minutes when there's little traffic. But I don't even drink. So bars aren't really my thing.
That's me, that's my profile pic on OKC. I'm not overweight, and I don't think I'm ugly. Almost every hit my profile has gotten was by obese girls. Sorry, but... /:
Nobody replies to me. I write really nice, interesting introductions and ask them to tell me about their school/jobs/whatever and comment on how much I like the stuff they like if applicable. The structure of this thing is so fucked.
About 30 minutes when there's little traffic. But I don't even drink. So bars aren't really my thing.
That's me, that's my profile pic on OKC. I'm not overweight, and I don't think I'm ugly. Almost every hit my profile has gotten was by obese girls. Sorry, but... /:
Nobody replies to me. I write really nice, interesting introductions and ask them to tell me about their school/jobs/whatever and comment on how much I like the stuff they like if applicable. The structure of this thing is so fucked.
Pretty handsome. How tall are you? If over 6' then you're pretty much the average desirable male. Maybe get us to look at your profile?
AlphaTwo00
Member
Don't get too hung up on it. That's pretty much what I was at (and still am). You'd read a profile, think they're interesting, send a message, saw that they were online and saw it, and wait... and wait... and wait... ok this is kinda dumb... and wait some more. From that point you can only do two things, a) assume they read it and don't care much for you and b) dwell on it and wait some more. (pro tip: a happens ALOT). So you'll just have to move on, and just message someone else. The point isn't to get everyone to respond to you, the point is to get just that one right person to respond to you.
I'm 6'1". I'll admit I'm not too sure how to make a good profile, and it may have said too much about video games, though that is my choice of education and career. For body type context, I put average. Here's the text:
There are some overweight/not "hot" girls I find attractive. If that's the case then they need to be smart, cool, and be skilled in some way that I can appreciate, like art, music, science, etc. If these girls are just gonna click on me and only give me the context of how they look, I'm not gonna chase them down. I write sincere messages to the people I'm interested in.
Sounds like an excuse to not to continue these conversations. Didn't get a long sincere message? NO THANKS!
Talk to people. It's not that difficult.
That's a weird accusation. I left my last gf because she said I wasn't attractive to her (after getting into better shape than I was when we met). I know what it feels like.
Well, it seems the only interest you're getting is from "obese girls" and nothing else, so unless you don't exist, you've got responses from other women or been looked at by other women.
Just seems odd you would single that as the only ones interested.
AlphaTwo00
Member
Fairly standard stuff. I'd be ok with the video game stuff (i swear I threw up something like that before, but then again I'm an open book that has written way too much on my page - something that I've seen way many people say no to because I leave everything out in the open). I don't think there's ever a right way to do a "profile": too little content, and some will say you're not giving good conversation points, too much, and some will say you're too open, and become a one click open and shut case preventing actual conversation.
There are right ways to make a profile for what you're looking for. If you're looking for a meaningful relationship, you may want to take your chances and write a more personal profile and only accept conversations that are more personal. If you're looking to date and whatever, write basically anything. No one reads that shit. If you feel like you need to put anything, put the bare bones. Your writing style, humor, etc. will only reach a small few.
I write bullshit like I'm horrible at sex, not photogenic, don't help in battle grounds, not a robot, will beat you at any game, etc. Nothing really fancy. I get messages and women respond. Just don't act creepy, send sexual messages, and don't force it. Just enjoy it. If the conversation starts dying, learn to understand it's dying and move on.
AlphaTwo00
Member
Agree with that 100%. Which is why I kept mines the way it is, and I get some conversation basically to what I'm expecting.
Upload the pictures to FB so only you can see them. Can still use them in Tinder and they don't show up in your feed.
It's definitely the majority. But that's normal. It's online dating, so the less confident people will probably show up trying the lurk profiles. Whatever.
I'm not even in Vancouver and that's the typical trend I see, barring a few exceptions. My ex (Canadian-born) was into some pretty kinky things, but was strangely wound up tight when it came down to it.
Many of the other Asian girls I've seen and met are also recent immigrants, with some very VERY conservative values.
Write much more about what you are and much less about what you do. And even less about video games. I'm a huge gamer myself and hope to work in the industry someday, but you cannot see that much in my profile, only that I'm a geek a little. Women usually wants to know what qualities they're about to deal with. I could resume your entire profile with this: I like video games. That doesn't tell much about you. So they skip.
First date tomorrow for me (been officially single since three weeks ago). I've been talking to her for more than two weeks on Tinder and she seems to connect on the app only to respond to me. I'm pretty confident for the date since there is some chemistry between us (via texts, I know). The problem is she already told me she's looking for something serious and she likes to take her time (took two weeks for a date, so...). I gave her my number last weekend and now, all of the sudden, she texts me ALL the time (with things like "good morning", "what do you do?", "good night", etc.) and wants to know everything about me (which wasn't the case on Tinder, she was even hesitant some times). I feel she already takes me for granted and we still haven't had a date. :-/ And I met these two really beautiful girls not too long ago... I'm not sure what to do. Online dating can be a blackout for some days (weeks?) and then, bam, they all respond or want to date at the same time. What the fuck, girls.
vicissitudes
Banned
I'd keep the bolded and get rid of the rest. Add in something more interesting and specific. Most of your profile is vague, generic, and kinda boring. Put yourself in the shoes of a random girl: go look at 10 random male profiles, then look at your profile, then ask yourself why she would want to date you based on what you wrote. It's not because "I'm good at English" or "I don't know what job I want" or "I like pizza". Sorry, I'm not trying to be mean.
Also don't use a selfie as a main pic.
Hope this helps.
I'm not saying guys should just go "meh blanket message" to everyone, but I hope you understand that it's just not healthy for guys to invest 100% in girls that might a) not even respond or b) flake out anytime after that. If a guy has the ego to sustain all those hits, more power to him, but I don't. For guys the "blanketing" goes to message a lot of girls, for girls the "blanketing" is to only very selectively respond to few of them.
There's some kind of issue there, because I think most people can't figure out what they're supposed to do and just pick a random answer. There were questions like this on the state standardized tests in elementary school. Kinda makes me angry people can't answer it.
Damn. I wear contacts too, just thought they'd make me look a little more interesting in the picture.
Yes. I know that, it's what I am and I embrace it. I've posted on GAF like 10,000 times and make video games in my free time. I'm a big-ass nerd.
Understood. This is my first go at something like this, and I was very hesitant to say anything that's not too generic. Obviously I went in the wrong direction.
No offense taken. I come across fine in real life, and the way I speak usually informs people about who I am and what's interesting about me. Like I said above, I was sort of afraid to say anything other than some basic dumb stuff. Can't do anything about the selfie at the moment, I don't really have a close friend around to help me out with stuff like this.
I appreciate the feedback from everyone so far.
Funky Papa
FUNK-Y-PPA-4
That first phrase.
Kill it, burn it and drop its ashes onto the ocean.
Kill it, burn it and drop its ashes onto the ocean.
Nah, this is bullshit. Video games are my life. I'm not gonna bait and switch potential dates. I'm a very honest person. If I have to hide what I love to get someone to talk to me, then they're not someone I wanna be with.
I'm apparently one of the few rare people with this attitude in here too. I fully agree Grizz.
If all you're looking for out of online dating is hookups or "the least common denominator", get rid of it, sure. If you're looking for a serious relationship they'll find out sooner or later and if they're not okay with it or go "yuck video games what a nerd" it probably wouldn't have worked out anyway.
Funky Papa
FUNK-Y-PPA-4
It doesn't matter. First impressions count and vidyageams still carry a significant stigma, even if that's a lot of BS. The fact that you had to put "I don't let them define who I am" is sending two messages at the same time:
-You are a kind of a dork, but not really (even if that's not true)
-You akwnoledge that loving videogames may not be such a great thing/may be a displeasing feature for others
You can easily talk about that on your first date with the utmost naturality and I can pretty much guarantee you she won't run to the hills. However, putting on paper, first thing on your profile, on a dating site where buyers agressively filter male profiles... It's a pretty bad idea, really.
I'm also a very honest person, but I'm not going to drop in my profile that I'm a sports shooter because guns are feared over here and most girls would be scared shitless. However, many of them become intrigued once the conversation starts. Presentation matters, and some thing are better left for later.
-You are a kind of a dork, but not really (even if that's not true)
-You akwnoledge that loving videogames may not be such a great thing/may be a displeasing feature for others
You can easily talk about that on your first date with the utmost naturality and I can pretty much guarantee you she won't run to the hills. However, putting on paper, first thing on your profile, on a dating site where buyers agressively filter male profiles... It's a pretty bad idea, really.
I'm also a very honest person, but I'm not going to drop in my profile that I'm a sports shooter because guns are feared over here and most girls would be scared shitless. However, many of them become intrigued once the conversation starts. Presentation matters, and some thing are better left for later.