Okay, fine. I'll give it a try. What about the rest though? It feels more like a job application than anything right now, but I'm not sure how else to explain what I'm good at.
-
Hey, guest user. Hope you're enjoying NeoGAF! Have you considered registering for an account? Come join us and add your take to the daily discourse.
Online Dating |OT| Please Respond
- Thread starter Jhoan
- Start date
Okay, fine. I'll give it a try. What about the rest though? It feels more like a job application than anything right now, but I'm not sure how else to explain what I'm good at.
Funky Papa
FUNK-Y-PPA-4
May you remind me where are you posting that profile? It does sound a bit business-y, which is not a bad thing if you are looking into something serious, but combined with the main pic may be a bit too much (that hair + glasses combo would look a hundred times better with a huge smile).
Which age bracket and relationship are you aiming for? I've been having a lot of success lately with girls picking me up and all of it boils down to a new picture and description. If you are interested I'll pm you my profile over Adopt A Guy (yuropean site).
Which age bracket and relationship are you aiming for? I've been having a lot of success lately with girls picking me up and all of it boils down to a new picture and description. If you are interested I'll pm you my profile over Adopt A Guy (yuropean site).
itchy. tasty
Member
Totally agree with the above.
Women will decide very quickly (within seconds) whether to contact you or not based on these first sentences... IMO your description shouldn't read like a resume, but just give enough about you to make them want to find out more. Don't feel the need to fill the page.
Put the golden stuff in first like musician, keeping fit, being outdoors etc. and leave the gaming stuff for a conversation you have face to face
vicissitudes
Banned
I was going to suggest leaving out that first line too, but it seems really important to you. Maybe move it to another part of the profile so it's not the very first thing they see.
It's fine to like video games, and it's fine to have as a hobby. It's fine for that to be an aspect of your personality, but don't make it seem like your entire life revolves around video games. That's not attractive. Girls will ask themselves "what does he do besides play games all day? Does he have friends? Participate in activities? Go on dates with girls? Does he even know how to talk to girls?"
Also, you mention a lot of nerdy stuff. Cut it down a bit. When you're talking about something dorky, at least be able to recognize that it's dorky and poke fun at it. It'll make it seem like 1. you have a clue and 2. you can have fun.
To give you an idea of what I'm talking about, I rewrote your profile a bit, as a sample:
It's fine to like video games, and it's fine to have as a hobby. It's fine for that to be an aspect of your personality, but don't make it seem like your entire life revolves around video games. That's not attractive. Girls will ask themselves "what does he do besides play games all day? Does he have friends? Participate in activities? Go on dates with girls? Does he even know how to talk to girls?"
Also, you mention a lot of nerdy stuff. Cut it down a bit. When you're talking about something dorky, at least be able to recognize that it's dorky and poke fun at it. It'll make it seem like 1. you have a clue and 2. you can have fun.
To give you an idea of what I'm talking about, I rewrote your profile a bit, as a sample:
It's for okcupid. I'm 21, looking at 21-25, serious and lengthy relationship. The thing that bothers me about this is that the majority of the women on there, at least in my age range, can't even write complete sentences or capitalize properly. Most of them get the simple knowledge check questions wrong too. It's unattractive, to say the least.
I'll work on the picture thing tomorrow.
Am I allowed to name drop an anime show that I like without being super obvious about it?
I'm probably going to use most of your changes. If you stick around I'll be posting the rest and asking for help again. It's hard for me to put my humor down in written words, and there's a couple things in there I know would never come out of my mouth. It's not like I can write, "Get shrekt, nerd," on there.
I continue to appreciate your advice, everyone.
Funky Papa
FUNK-Y-PPA-4
OH MY GOD
I've been on about 7 dates in this past couple of weeks. ALL of them were overly appreciative of the fact that I used proper punctuation and formed coherent sentences. Look for those. Teachers, people working on PR/media... even nerdettes without formal or high education. If they read, they probably have a good grasp of grammar (and they will not be complete airheads).
I believe the key to success is keeping it short and funny. And of course, using a great picture. Also, don't let your asumptions about your "target" deceive you: most women are looking for pretty much the same things when it comes to pictures. I had to learn this the hard way.
itchy. tasty
Member
If it were me, I'd pass on the name drop. I think you want to expand and push the qualities that appeal to the wider audience.
Anime and computer games aren't in my opinion going to translate as well as your music and fitness stuff... most girls like music vs some girls like video games, being an active guy is better than a couch potato etc. Girls are trying to paint pictures in their heads about you based on what they read here, and you're only getting one shot at it.
You have a lot of good qualities, it's just finding the wording to sell yourself in the best possible way.
As mentioned above, I think getting a good selection of pics is priority, one good portrait shot, a group shot with friends, a shot of you outdoors, a shot of you on holidays etc. And rotating these on a regular basis.
A tune up to your profile every few weeks will keep it looking fresh, move some content around, and add little snippets every now and again when they come to mind.
I understand our cultures might be different, and my opinions are based on living and dating in Northern Ireland*
Funky Papa
FUNK-Y-PPA-4
You can be creative and cute with videogame references as long as they are not nerdy or obscure. I've seen a number of girls using Tetris for fun, as in "looking for Tetris piece to end insolvable puzzle".
I used one in mine which is a bit of a cute double entendre (of the white and clean kind), so even if they don't get their actual meaning, it spices up the profile with somethig funny. It's all about being concise, creative and showing some humour.
I used one in mine which is a bit of a cute double entendre (of the white and clean kind), so even if they don't get their actual meaning, it spices up the profile with somethig funny. It's all about being concise, creative and showing some humour.
I asked because there was a cute girl who said she likes Code Geass (that's what my avatar is from) and I immediately messaged her to talk about how awesome that show is. I want to be around someone who can understand why I like what I like. I just came out of a 4 year relationship where I struggled with those kinds of things.
That kind of stuff pisses me off. I don't like people who pretend to like video games but don't know anything beyond Tetris, Mario, and Zelda.
Anyway, here's some new text to criticize:
I tried to be a bit sillier and more specific in the things I can't live without list.
TheVampire
Banned
My Ex dumped me about a year ago for another guy.
However just when we were together she never set her Facebook status to in a relationship.
I was looking at her Facebook today and I can't see her boyfriend in her list of friends all of a sudden.
Break up?
However just when we were together she never set her Facebook status to in a relationship.
I was looking at her Facebook today and I can't see her boyfriend in her list of friends all of a sudden.
Break up?
Why does it matter? Sorry if I'm assuming here, but I think you need to move on :C
itchy. tasty
Member
If I could offer up some advice for online dating...
I think the biggest one would be
Don't ignore/disregard a potential connection just because they have no profile pic
Long story short, had been messaging a girl who had no profile pic, and when I say messaging, I mean like, once a week. It got to the stage where I had basically lost interest.
One day she asks if I wanted to meet for a drink. I say yes and agree to meet her, thinking it would be a flop or I would be completely unattracted.... Well, I had an amazing evening, she was funny, attractive and we had a great time together. I gotta admit I was apprehensive about meeting up, but I thought, why not? if she's not what I'm after, use it as experience, talk, chat and have a bit of fun try different lines of conversations etc.
Take a gamble on a profile with no pic, make sure the profile looks good and send her a message.
Don't get stuck messaging back and forth
I used to do this. Getting into long deep meaningful convo's is great if you want to spend your nights writing essays back and forth between somebody you just met online. Some women, I've found, will be happy to do this all day and all night... somebody there to listen to their problems and how their manager at work gave them a hard time today.
My advice would be to avoid getting into this situation... Get the hello's out of the way, back and forth with a few pleasantries, what you do, what your likes/dislikes are, where you hang out etc... If you are getting a good vibe, don't hang around, ask her out. Why spend 2 weeks messaging when you could just be talking to her in person.
I see more and more on womens profiles as well like 'I don't want a pen pal', and 'if you just want to talk, look elsewhere'... I found that sometimes a connection will go cold, convo drops off, less frequent messages. I look back at those and say, 'I should have asked her out... maybe she was waiting for that'
As soon as the opportunity arises for me now, I'm asking girls out for drinks. mid week mingles are great for breaking up a dull week at work.
those are the 2 biggest ones, some other advice
look outside your 'preferred' age range
keep your profile short and to the point, and update it often
pics with smiles, friends and locations
don't get hung up on one connection, and drop others that have potential
when messaging, display value in yourself and confidence
It's been a learning experience for me, dating has changed a bit in the last 5 years and I'm still learning a lot of lessons... practice makes perfect though.
I'm sure this stuff has been covered before, just my 2 cents.
I think the biggest one would be
Don't ignore/disregard a potential connection just because they have no profile pic
Long story short, had been messaging a girl who had no profile pic, and when I say messaging, I mean like, once a week. It got to the stage where I had basically lost interest.
One day she asks if I wanted to meet for a drink. I say yes and agree to meet her, thinking it would be a flop or I would be completely unattracted.... Well, I had an amazing evening, she was funny, attractive and we had a great time together. I gotta admit I was apprehensive about meeting up, but I thought, why not? if she's not what I'm after, use it as experience, talk, chat and have a bit of fun try different lines of conversations etc.
Take a gamble on a profile with no pic, make sure the profile looks good and send her a message.
Don't get stuck messaging back and forth
I used to do this. Getting into long deep meaningful convo's is great if you want to spend your nights writing essays back and forth between somebody you just met online. Some women, I've found, will be happy to do this all day and all night... somebody there to listen to their problems and how their manager at work gave them a hard time today.
My advice would be to avoid getting into this situation... Get the hello's out of the way, back and forth with a few pleasantries, what you do, what your likes/dislikes are, where you hang out etc... If you are getting a good vibe, don't hang around, ask her out. Why spend 2 weeks messaging when you could just be talking to her in person.
I see more and more on womens profiles as well like 'I don't want a pen pal', and 'if you just want to talk, look elsewhere'... I found that sometimes a connection will go cold, convo drops off, less frequent messages. I look back at those and say, 'I should have asked her out... maybe she was waiting for that'
As soon as the opportunity arises for me now, I'm asking girls out for drinks. mid week mingles are great for breaking up a dull week at work.
those are the 2 biggest ones, some other advice
look outside your 'preferred' age range
keep your profile short and to the point, and update it often
pics with smiles, friends and locations
don't get hung up on one connection, and drop others that have potential
when messaging, display value in yourself and confidence
It's been a learning experience for me, dating has changed a bit in the last 5 years and I'm still learning a lot of lessons... practice makes perfect though.
I'm sure this stuff has been covered before, just my 2 cents.
TheVampire
Banned
Just curious.
itchy. tasty
Member
Do you still have feelings for her?
Horseticuffs
Full werewolf off the buckle
This is a really nice primer on the things I've found as well.
Pretty much point-for-point it speaks to my recent situation. I messaged TONS of women if I found anything even remotely attractive about them. Nothing came of it. I messaged one profile with no pic because it was concise, coherent, and seemed earnest. The lady didn't log back in for about a week but when she did we really hit it off about a week ago.
We talked a few days, constantly, and decided to meet up this weekend. A few days ago we started speaking on the phone, yesterday we decided that we couldn't wait for the weekend, so we had an impromptu date last night.
Best date of my life so far. Discussed in-depth in the Dating-age thread. Anyways, this chick was also outside my normal dating range. I'm 35 and usually date chicks in their late 20s but was getting burned out on them since they are in a different phase. I upped my "Looking for" age to 40 and bingo.
Keep thinking outside the box, guys.
Funky Papa
FUNK-Y-PPA-4
This is important, athough my case is a bit different. My current age bracket goes from 23 to 43 and I'm shocked by the amount of success I'm having with the 23-28 years old compared to older women, whom seem to either prefer super deep, serious relationships out of the gate (not what I'm looking for) or just an on-call fucktoy (I've got two of those, but I feel very skittish about booty calls with people I haven't properly dated/got to know). Keeping the sights a bit open about anything, from appearance to age, is highly important. The girl I dated yesterday was considerably rounder than my type, but she was funny and endearing to the point of ending pissed off because she just didn't click and I actually wanted to be attracted to her. Variety is good.
Don't be so quick to judge, Grizz! That only means that they are making a quip; maybe they don't know the first thing about videogames or maybe they are huge dorks in secret, but at least they are not afraid to joke about it. It's a first step. You'd also be surprised by the amount of girls who play CoD, even if they don't put it in their profiles.
Your new profile is considerably better, by the way.
vicissitudes
Banned
Oh, wait, you're 21? Okay things make a lot more sense now. No wonder you're still in school. Let's be real for a sec: girls on okc who are 23-25 are not going to date a 21-year-old. Girls who are 21-22 comprise of 1% of the okc population, and they're messaged by every guy 20-35 out there.
My honest advice: go join a club. Talk to girls in class. Make some friends and go to house parties. Get some experience just dating around. Try new things. Then come back in a few years. You'll do much better.
It's weird that online dating profiles in a way mimic the "engineering" used in PUA. Women.think like men do. Treat them as such. A better profile like better lines isn't going to yield better results. Hasn't this already been proven with that study where the profile referenced Nazis and shit but still got messages?
Nice. What was so weird about the date?
It sounds like you answered your own question: if it ain't broke, don't fix it.
Yeah, 23-25 year olds are probably not going to date 21 year olds.
Join a club at school
I would do that, except I don't go to a normal school. I go to DigiPen. There are very few females at my school, and most people don't socialize outside of the required team projects. I would bet that there are more waifu and my little pony fictional relationships than there are real ones. It's not a very good place to meet people.
I feel like I get enough matches I don't need to starting throwing messages out to everyone, for now anyway.
As for the date, the conversation was flowing well and then she was sorta rushing to leave. It's cool, not someone I'd date more like someone I'd mess around with. Not a big deal either way.
Lone_Prodigy
Member
You are way too picky. You're only 21 and still in school and you want a serious, meaningful relationship. You prefer Asian girls, and you don't drink or do drugs. You're also a gamer. I'm willing to bet that there are plenty of classmates just like you.
Now I'm not saying there aren't girls that meet your standards out there, but you are not likely to meet them online, and those that are out there will probably prefer someone older and more established.
This was the latest version of your profile that I found.
stn
Member
My personal advice is keep everything short and sweet. I know there are sections for you to fill out but I'd say steer away from that. Online dating does not put us males at an advantage, there are too many of us on there. Each section in my profile is no more than 2 sentences long. I include humor, a bit of what I do, and some things that most people will find appealing (ex. I mention my dogs). I've been messaged many times that my profile is amazing and fun to read.
Lastly, take out stuff like gaming. Women are looking for any reason to stop talking to a guy on there, and unfortunately its very easy for them to do so. I'm not saying lie about your interests, I'm just saying keep it sparse until the actual date. Gaming tends to carry a bit of a reputation for being an anti-social activity to people who aren't into it. People will always assume you sit on your couch all day and play games if you say you're a gamer. Its not accurate but that's society for you.
Lastly, take out stuff like gaming. Women are looking for any reason to stop talking to a guy on there, and unfortunately its very easy for them to do so. I'm not saying lie about your interests, I'm just saying keep it sparse until the actual date. Gaming tends to carry a bit of a reputation for being an anti-social activity to people who aren't into it. People will always assume you sit on your couch all day and play games if you say you're a gamer. Its not accurate but that's society for you.
vicissitudes
Banned
Do you remember dating in high school? How it was really hard as a freshman, and much easier as a senior? Right now you're like a freshman. It'll get better with time. Meanwhile, develop yourself more as a person. Go to meetups. See if there are any local sports teams. Start drinking. (seriously, why don't you drink?)
I'm not saying give up on online dating. Keep trying and get more practice. But it's certainly an uphill battle for you.
In my biggest programming class (50+ people) there are zero girls.
I'm willing to date someone who drinks as long as they're not the kind of person who gets wasted, like, weekly. I won't date a smoker, but that's not too challenging. They don't have to play games with me, they just need to not be disgusted by the fact that I really like video games. I spend more time exercising than playing games anyway. I played one hour of games in the last two weeks.
Your profile advice conflicts with what others have said, and I've changed it up since the last time I posted it.
The problem I have is that there aren't really any girls at school that I'm interested in (that don't already have a bf and get awkwardly hit on 24/7 anyway), and the only other way to meet people is to go to bars... or something? I'm not even sure. My last relationship lasted four years and we met in high school. I've never had to do this before. I said before, I'm actually a pretty extroverted person. I have no problem introducing myself to girls face to face. My issue is what to do and where to go to find people to talk to. For most of my life I lived in suburbs. Now I'm 21 and close to a big city. If online stuff isn't for me, and my school is a social wasteland, what should I do?
I don't drink (like, at all) and I've managed to recently land a very successful/attractive girlfriend. She also doesn't really drink, doesn't like to go to clubs, plays videogames, and is just an overall geek (series binging, comics, anime, etc). She works in the gaming industry, and honestly sounds a lot like Grizz haha..
The point is, try new things, but don't throw away who you are. Be patient. If there's anything this new relationship has taught me it's that everything comes down to timing. Until your time arrives work on yourself.
Girls don't give a fuck if you like video games and play them, on a regular basis or not. They just don't want to date some anti-social dork who only does and speaks about that... And you sound like that in your profile. We know you're not, since you just said you played only one hour in the last two weeks.
Lone_Prodigy
Member
1. You like running. See any cute girls along your route? If not, change your route or time. If you pass the same girl regularly, say something. "Run here often?" (Don't say this.)
2. You like biking. See #1.
3. Exercise? Join a class. Yoga can be awkward since you have to try very hard not to look like a creeper, but maybe some other fitness class. Join a sports team.
4. Like to read? Don't do it at home. Go to a library or a bookstore. Join a book club.
5. What do your friends do? If they're going out, go with them. Meet their friends. Expand your social circle.
Do marathons and marathon training. Quickest (pun intended) way to meet people.
pikachu Lv 5
Member
Okcupid made me a mod. I didn't know the dick pic problem was so rampant on that site.
Is the "Who likes you" system acting weird for anyone else? I paid for A-list so I can see who rated me highly. Sometimes the star below the match percentage disappears but the person stays in the list somehow. Today, a bunch of stars reappeared all at once. I don't get it. Also, I know for sure one of them "unliked" me but she's still in the list.
Anyway, since I have A-list, if anyone wants to know their rating, send me a pm.
Edit: this is on okcupid, of course.
Anyway, since I have A-list, if anyone wants to know their rating, send me a pm.
Edit: this is on okcupid, of course.
RandyBobandy
Banned
OH MY GOD
My mother just showed up in my matches on POF.
NO
"I like running and walking. I like socialising, and cosy nights in."
No mom, NO
Holy fuck I have to delete my account. How do I do this
My mother just showed up in my matches on POF.
NO
"I like running and walking. I like socialising, and cosy nights in."
No mom, NO
Holy fuck I have to delete my account. How do I do this
Funky Papa
FUNK-Y-PPA-4
I'm dying.
RandyBobandy
Banned
My account is gone. Tried to get me to fill out a questionnaire.
NO
I don't like this feeling
link?
Lone_Prodigy
Member
oedipus.gif
AlphaTwo00
Member
LOL.
I remember you're in southern Ontario right? Yeah, Toronto has quite a lot of people, then again, I feel like a lot just have profiles and don't actually use them.
Yeah, but I'm even further south of Toronto (Hamilton).
And of that I do not doubt, lol
I'm so sorry dude :lol
Awesome! Gelato sounds amazing right now.
I'm curious :<. The last time I checked via the reddit bot, I was max (lol), but I wanna know! My profile is backslashbunny.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
I can only find your profile by typing in your name, not by actually doing the match search. Is there an option to disable you showing up on match searches and if so, do you have it active? I was gonna check out the rating but it won't work oO
It took me a while to find you! You only showed up when searching for people seeing someone. You're still a five star, good jobI'm curious :<. The last time I checked via the reddit bot, I was max (lol), but I wanna know! My profile is backslashbunny.
We have a 94% match by the way. The GAF hive mind is real.Tinder why do you do this to me? I wanted to slowly quit you, but I just got matched up with someone and exchanged numbers within a few text. Guess I'll stick around a little longer.
Is it a numbers rating or outta 5 stars?
My worst nightmare lol!
Is it a numbers rating or outta 5 stars?
My worst nightmare lol!
I can search for 3+, 4+ or 5 stars only. I can find you with very specific search criteria.
It took me a while to find you! You only showed up when searching for people seeing someone. You're still a five star, good job
oh! that's what tripped me up haha.
You're still at max bunny. 8999/10000 (for whatever reason) is the max and you show up sorted by that, so congratz!
89%
nah it's a numbers rating. You just didn't look it up. You can fine-tune the search. For reference: Anything above 8000 is 5+ star, 6000 is 4+ star, 4000 is 3+ star. the ratings go from 1000 to 9000.
EDIT: If anyone else wants their rating, let me know
How do you find those numbers?