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[davepoobond]

So I texted her yesterday if she still wanted to meet up but she said she was going to stay in since she didn't feel well and felt really bad she couldn't see me. From what I know she worked serious overtime and studied for exams. Not sure if I should try again or just let her go.

To recap this is the girl who liked me and messaged me first, gave me her number when I asked, agreed to meet up and suggested the location. Just never confirmed a time all last week.

You know, as long as she is still responsive id still try to make it work while trying to find other people, since she is super busy. It doesn't seem like she is doing it for the attention, at least to me anyway.

But I guess it begs the question why she bothered looking for someone to date if she has 0 time to actually date though. Does it seem like she is always this crammed or just a temporary thing?

 

[AlphaTwo00]

But I guess it begs the question why she bothered looking for someone to date if she has 0 time to actually date though. Does it seem like she is always this crammed or just a temporary thing?

This is the part that confuses the shit out of me now. In one case, I had suggested meeting up, and she disappeared for a week because school started (teaching), and when we did meet up she straight up told me that she was thinking about taking a break from online dating because of work.

I mean, why!?

 

[Raptomex]

You know, as long as she is still responsive id still try to make it work while trying to find other people, since she is super busy. It doesn't seem like she is doing it for the attention, at least to me anyway.

But I guess it begs the question why she bothered looking for someone to date if she has 0 time to actually date though. Does it seem like she is always this crammed or just a temporary thing?

Well she's going back to school now and working full time. She has off on most Saturdays from what I gather. I work full time myself and have off on weekends. I'll be moving from second shift to first in a few weeks actually which can be good for dating I guess. She works in the medical field so I guess it gets busy. If she would message me first once in a while it would help. When I text her she always does respond when she can. She never gives me the impression she doesn't like me or like she made a mistake. Her facebook posts don't contradict what she tells me. In fact I texted her a little bit ago saying I would let her go since she's busy and asked if we could text this week or if she's too busy with another intense week. I just got a text back now from her saying "yeah absolutely". So idk. But if I don't text her I guarantee she won't text me first.

 

[stn]

Some chick messages me, I don't reply. Five minutes after her first message she messages again saying I should respond to someone who's taken the time to message me. Her profile "replies very selectively."

You gotta love people sometimes.

EDIT: Her message also sucked. Apparently I must reply regardless.

 

[AlphaTwo00]

Some chick messages me, I don't reply. Five minutes after her first message she messages again saying I should respond to someone who's taken the time to message me. Her profile "replies very selectively."

You gotta love people sometimes.

EDIT: Her message also sucked. Apparently I must reply regardless.

Be happy they started it first. LOL.

 

[davepoobond]

This is the part that confuses the shit out of me now. In one case, I had suggested meeting up, and she disappeared for a week because school started (teaching), and when we did meet up she straight up told me that she was thinking about taking a break from online dating because of work.

I mean, why!?

Honestly when girls say they are too busy or don't want a boyfriend "right now" they really just mean not with you.

A long time ago I was trying to get a girl to hang out with me and she'd go on and on about not wanting to date etc etc but would go on about what she wanted in a guy etc etc, then the day I ask if she wants to come my bday party she says she can't cause a "friend" was gonna hang out that she hadnt seen for a long time. They ended up going out for two years pretty much starting that weekend.

So it may or may not be true but if they like you they will MAKE time for you, is what I've learned.

 

[BIGWORM]

Ok guys, I know most of you might not care to read this, but I think I got a serious problem. I counted up, and as of yesterday, I'm talking to 24 different women, with 15 of them being by text. I honestly don't know what's wrong with me, as I'm talking to all these women, and I'm constantly trying to chat up more. I've only been in one major relationship my whole life, that being my soon to be ex-wife, who I had 2 kids with. I'm not sure what to think or say at this point.

 

[Sami+]

Ok guys, I know most of you might not care to read this, but I think I got a serious problem. I counted up, and as of yesterday, I'm talking to 24 different women, with 15 of them being by text. I honestly don't know what's wrong with me, as I'm talking to all these women, and I'm constantly trying to chat up more. I've only been in one major relationship my whole life, that being my soon to be ex-wife, who I had 2 kids with. I'm not sure what to think or say at this point.

I don't think it's a bad thing so long as you intend to settle down again when you meet the right woman.

 

[Sketchbag]

That's true, I think I do; I make it seem like it's a 5th date where I try to do fancy schmancy stuff. Bars are usually more my cup of tea any way since we can easily knock back a few drinks and relax. I'll hit her up shortly saying it was fun, etc.

The thing is those aren't even a "5th" date thing. Just hang out with her. If there's chemistry what you guys do doesn't matter. No amount of thoughtful date can replace chemistry.

 

[Kyne]

I'm completely new to this (I'm a virgin) so... how do I bring testing up??

oh boy..

honestly, I have no idea. I'd have to know the girl and get a feel for her before I could give advice like this. Some girls will absolutely take offense (i.e they think that YOU think they are sluts who sleep around/contract STD's) and others will be understandable. Does this girl know you're a virgin? If you mention getting tested that's something that will definitely come up.

you gotta use your best judgment here. The most important thing to do is be respectable about it.

 

[Pegosaurus]

so i'm talking to a couple different girls right now on OkCupid. I'm kind of at a loss here on when I should ask to meet in person, and how to keep the conversations rolling in a way that we'd still have something to talk about if we actually met.

edit: also if i sent a girl a message and she didn't respond should i even bother sending another one?

 

[SRG01]

oh boy..

honestly, I have no idea. I'd have to know the girl and get a feel for her before I could give advice like this. Some girls will absolutely take offense (i.e they think that YOU think they are sluts who sleep around/contract STD's) and others will be understandable. Does this girl know you're a virgin? If you mention getting tested that's something that will definitely come up.

you gotta use your best judgment here. The most important thing to do is be respectable about it.

LOL yeah, I have to play it by ear.

Truth be told, when she asked me if I had protection, I laughed and truthfully said no... but I really wanted to say that I am abstinent and more or less adamant about STD testing too.

Oh right. Forgot to mention to you guys the abstinent part... How do I even discuss that with a girl?

 

[Soi-Fong]

LOL yeah, I have to play it by ear.

Truth be told, when she asked me if I had protection, I laughed and truthfully said no... but I really wanted to say that I am abstinent and more or less adamant about STD testing too.

Oh right. Forgot to mention to you guys the abstinent part... How do I even discuss that with a girl?

Interesting question for me as well since I'm still a virgin also.

 

[Kyne]

LOL yeah, I have to play it by ear.

Truth be told, when she asked me if I had protection, I laughed and truthfully said no... but I really wanted to say that I am abstinent and more or less adamant about STD testing too.

Oh right. Forgot to mention to you guys the abstinent part... How do I even discuss that with a girl?

Interesting question for me as well since I'm still a virgin also.

you're both abstinent?! So like.. no sex til marriage then? Oh boy.

you probably want to bring that up as quickly as possible so there's no expectations. Unfortunately for a lot of people it's going to be an instant mood-killer..

 

[Soi-Fong]

you're both abstinent?! So like.. no sex til marriage then? Oh boy.

you probably want to bring that up as quickly as possible so there's no expectations. Unfortunately for a lot of people it's going to be an instant mood-killer..

Im not really sure if I still believe in those things anymore. The abstinent and no sex till marriage thing.

A lot of my beliefs about many things changed after I broke up with my last girlfriend of 5 years around 8-9 months ago.

 

[Sami+]

I don't have any strong opinion on abstincence, though I imagine I'd be kinda nervous my first time if it isn't hers too.

 

[SRG01]

you're both abstinent?! So like.. no sex til marriage then? Oh boy.

you probably want to bring that up as quickly as possible so there's no expectations. Unfortunately for a lot of people it's going to be an instant mood-killer..

Not entirely until marriage LOL, but I'm doing it because, well, I want to actually get to know the person first. I suppose the short version is that I tend to get burned in relationships because I have a habit of doing things I don't really want to do in order to make the girl happy.

I don't have any strong opinion on abstincence, though I imagine I'd be kinda nervous my first time if it isn't hers too.

Honestly, I'm not nervous about the potential sex but more that it feels... mechanical if there's no genuine connection behind it.

 

[GK86]

Got myself a second date with the woman I went out with last Sat. No idea where to take her, but I will figure it out. Didn't kiss her the first date, which is a first in a long time for me. Definitely adding for a kiss.

 

[Jhoan]

Got myself a second date with the woman I went out with last Sat. No idea where to take her, but I will figure it out. Didn't kiss her the first date, which is a first in a long time for me. Definitely adding for a kiss.

Nice. I still haven't heard back from the Aussie girl and I hit up the girl I saw yesterday but no response yet either. I'll check back in with them in another day or two. You're the opposite of me with that stuff. I would recommend revisiting The High Line since the final section just reopened this weekend then maybe go to Pony Bar afterwards. I would've said Barcade but by this point, I think we're all burned out by that place.

 

[God Dayumm]

I just reactivated a OKC account after my Match subscription expired, let's see if I get some luck this time

 

[GK86]

Nice. I still haven't heard back from the Aussie girl and I hit up the girl I saw yesterday but no response yet either. I'll check back in with them in another day or two. You're the opposite of me with that stuff. I would recommend revisiting The High Line since the final section just reopened this weekend then maybe go to Pony Bar afterwards. I would've said Barcade but by this point, I think we're all burned out by that place.

I was thinking of High Line too. I wanted to take her to Luna Park, but she gets out too late.

 

[AlphaTwo00]

you're both abstinent?! So like.. no sex til marriage then? Oh boy.

you probably want to bring that up as quickly as possible so there's no expectations. Unfortunately for a lot of people it's going to be an instant mood-killer..

I know what you're getting at, and this is a constant stark reminder that everything I read in this thread should be taken with a grain of salt. I list myself in sites as catholic (yes I know), and in fact many of the people I end up talking to lists as so. Many of the people I talk to end up being asian too with fairly conservative family centric views. Many of the dynamics that people bring up here just doesn't apply (or worse, completely backfire).

I'm sure abstinent is a powder-keg, I can tell you religion can be even more deadly as a topic.

 

[Valus]

Remember fellas, when a lady makes some form of excuse to not see you, it is time to employ the Brad Pitt Rule:

Call up the woman you like and ask her on a date. Did she say yes? Great, she probably likes you. What if she makes up an excuse for why she can’t go out? This is the time to employ the Brad Pitt Rule.

Imagine that instead of you, Brad Pitt had asked this same woman out. Would she use the same excuse with him? If Brad Pitt asked her on a date, would she still say she had to study or was going to the movies with friends that night? Nope. She would have dropped pretty much anything and everything to be able to accept a date with Brad.

Now you’re not Pitt obviously. But if a woman is interested in you, she will drop her other plans to be available to go out with you.

Of course there are exceptions; the woman may have a legitimate reason she cannot make the date. Perhaps she has to work or go to a funeral. But, and here is the real clincher, she will suggest a different time for the date. She will say something along the lines of “I can’t do it Saturday night, do you want to hang out next weekend?”

If she makes up an excuse and she does not suggest an alternative plan, you have been shut out. She is not interested. Do not ask her out again. Doing so will only result in awkwardness and you feeling like a tool.

But don’t worry, she probably isn’t as cool as you thought she was since she doesn’t appreciate your charms. Start pursuing another lady who will.

 

[vicissitudes]

Some chick messages me, I don't reply. Five minutes after her first message she messages again saying I should respond to someone who's taken the time to message me. Her profile "replies very selectively."

You gotta love people sometimes.

EDIT: Her message also sucked. Apparently I must reply regardless.

There are a ton of blogs out there about terrible messages men send to women, but I've never seen one about all the bad messages/responses women send. I've thought about starting one every time I get a batch.

 

[Smiley90]

Remember fellas, when a lady makes some form of excuse to not see you, it is time to employ the Brad Pitt Rule:

Yep.

Oh so true. If a girl says she's busy, she's too busy FOR ME. If she, however says something along the lines of "I'm so swamped with work this week but we should totally do something Friday!" and proposes a makeup-date by herself, then I'll actually believe her. There's a difference between "I'm busy" and "I'm busy but let's do something on day x"

 

[SRG01]

I'm sure abstinent is a powder-keg, I can tell you religion can be even more deadly as a topic.

Oh man, there's something else too: my profile lists me as "Spiritual but not religious" but I actively do small Bible studies with my friend and I still read up on a lot of spirituality/religious stuff from all religions.

The girl? She's atheist.


I mean, she could be okay with it, but like the abstinent thing, I have to approach it carefully without setting things off.

 

[Magwik]

So, what's the best way to ask someone out who lives about an hour away? Met this girl online but not through any dating sites.

 

[Smiley90]

Oh man, there's something else too: my profile lists me as "Spiritual but not religious" but I actively do small Bible studies with my friend and I still read up on a lot of spirituality/religious stuff from all religions.

The girl? She's atheist.


I mean, she could be okay with it, but like the abstinent thing, I have to approach it carefully without setting things off.

Honestly, my ex was much more religious than me and the only one that made this a problem was her. So if you don't have a problem with her not being religious you'll be fine. If she has a problem with you being religious then she's not worth your time anyway.

So, what's the best way to ask someone out who lives about an hour away? Met this girl online but not through any dating sites.

An hour away is close. Meet halfway if you can.

 

[SRG01]

Honestly, my ex was much more religious than me and the only one that made this a problem was her. So if you don't have a problem with her not being religious you'll be fine. If she has a problem with you being religious then she's not worth your time anyway.

Yeah, I have zero issues with her being atheist so perhaps it'll work out

 

[Smiley90]

Yeah, I have zero issues with her being atheist so perhaps it'll work out

To quote my ex: "I don't wanna spend the rest of my life with someone that's going to go to hell at the end of it"

This was after like 2 years of being together. Yah.

So just don't be like that. :lol

 

[AlphaTwo00]

To quote my ex: "I don't wanna spend the rest of my life with someone that's going to go to hell at the end of it"

Wow. That's ... errm.

Noted.

 

[Pegosaurus]

so i'm talking to a couple different girls right now on OkCupid. I'm kind of at a loss here on when I should ask to meet in person, and how to keep the conversations rolling in a way that we'd still have something to talk about if we actually met.

edit: also if i sent a girl a message and she didn't respond should i even bother sending another one?

no advice?

 

[Jhoan]

no advice?

1st question: If it's going well and you have a good conversation, suggest that you guys hang out, ask when she's free, and go for the number. Afterwards, when texting set up plans.

2nd question: It's always worth sending another message if a girl doesn't respond after a couple of days. Chances are girls get busy/distracted by other things going on for them that they don't respond for several days at a time since they forget. If at first you don't succeed, try again since some girls will aappreciate it and respond whereas others will still not be interested. Either way, it's worth a shot. I usually do that.

 

[GrizzNKev]

I've gotten nothing more than a few intermittent conversations so far.

 

[SRG01]

To quote my ex: "I don't wanna spend the rest of my life with someone that's going to go to hell at the end of it"

This was after like 2 years of being together. Yah.

So just don't be like that. :lol

What the fuck :lol

I'm more of a Mr. Rogers kind of person, so no hellfire and brimstone from me!

 

[Ghost_Messiah]

Well you guys all turned out to be correct about that girl Sarah. After her text saying she wanted to meet over last weekend she never sent another one nor did she respond to multiple attempts to contact her. So obviously our date never happened. I still honestly don't really comprehend the situation. How can someone be firm and insistent that they want to meet and then just randomly lose interest so quickly? I guess I kind of expected she'd be genuine and honest. It's a shame really because our interactions started off so positive and promising. All I can think of given I still see her online constantly on POF most nights is that she's just interested in someone new (maybe even multiple people) to whom she prefers over me.

Ah well better luck next time I guess. Thanks for the advice though guys. You were all correct.

 

[Halcyon]

Well you guys all turned out to be correct about that girl Sarah. After her text saying she wanted to meet over last weekend she never sent another one nor did she respond to multiple attempts to contact her. So obviously our date never happened. I still honestly don't really comprehend the situation. How can someone be firm and insistent that they want to meet and then just randomly lose interest so quickly? I guess I kind of expected she'd be genuine and honest. It's a shame really because our interactions started off so positive and promising. All I can think of given I still see her online constantly on POF most nights is that she's just interested in someone new (maybe even multiple people) to whom she prefers over me.

Ah well better luck next time I guess. Thanks for the advice though guys. You were all correct.

That's how dating works.

Nobody is obligated to do anything. If you feel like not talking to someone then that's what happens. Being nice is fine, but these people are still basically strangers.

Some people are looking for different things, attention, someone to talk to, date, bang, marry. Or they flip flop on wanting these things at the drop of a hat.

Expecting some sort of protocol is unwise.

 

[davepoobond]

The same girl I've been actively ignoring the past couple months sent me another message on pof saying "I've sent you text messages but you aren't replying. I guess you don't want to talk to me?"

No shit. Lol. This chick is crazy. The only girls that ever express any interest for me always end up being insane. Le sigh

 

[Ghost_Messiah]

That's how dating works.

Nobody is obligated to do anything. If you feel like not talking to someone then that's what happens. Being nice is fine, but these people are still basically strangers.

Some people are looking for different things, attention, someone to talk to, date, bang, marry. Or they flip flop on wanting these things at the drop of a hat.

Expecting some sort of protocol is unwise.

Good advice. Your last line is quite profound. I understand that she's not obligated to see me. We've never met or had any real life social interaction and our relationship is non-existent. I just wanted her to have the grace to at least tell me that she's not interested anymore and at least have the decency to cancel our date. It was all set for the weekend and then she just went silent. I get that she doesn't have to talk to me; that's entirely her choice and prerogative. I just treat human beings with respect, clarity and honesty and I expect good people to do the same for me.

Basically what I'm saying is I wanted to hear from her even if the text was "Not interested now. The date's off". I would have had the decency to do that and evidently she didn't feel like doing so.

Cool post though and thanks for the advice. Appreciate it.

 

[GrizzNKev]

The same girl I've been actively ignoring the past couple months sent me another message on pof saying "I've sent you text messages but you aren't replying. I guess you don't want to talk to me?"

No shit. Lol. This chick is crazy. The only girls that ever express any interest for me always end up being insane. Le sigh

At least someone wants to talk to you.

 

[davepoobond]

At least someone wants to talk to you.

trust me, its really not worth having someone like that attach to you... and honestly, its more about her than it is about me.

 

[y2dvd]

I haven't been getting any sorta action anywhere online, but that's ok because I went on a second date with this one girl and we are still hitting it off. Tbh, her kissing wasn't all there but I can look pass that. She stopped by my place after dinner but knew I had work so she didn't want to stay. Bleh, no excuses when we go out on the weekend! Anyways, still feelin this girl and I'm starting to have high hopes. I went through my movie collection and she pulled aside a bunch of movies for us to watch next time. It's a toss up between Alien and Jaws.

 

[davepoobond]

i gave tinder a rest for a while (like a month), and today i went back to it, so it frontloaded a few matches and 3 people were actually responding.

unfortunately:

one doesnt have any real overlapping interests at all with me, even though she is responding a lot. she is also incredibly naive about what tinder is for, saying something to the tune of "i dont know why people always want to hook up on this app." Not that that's what i'm looking for with it, but at least i'm aware of what its primary use is.

second one has a kid, but also is sort of uninteresting in general (no way i'm dating someone with a kid at this point in my life unless they're 100% what i'm looking for)

third one apparently just hits "Like" on random things like playstation, cause i asked her what kind of games she likes to play and she says she's not a gamer. "i like normal things." whatever that means.

 

[Soi-Fong]

i gave tinder a rest for a while (like a month), and today i went back to it, so it frontloaded a few matches and 3 people were actually responding.

unfortunately:

one doesnt have any real overlapping interests at all with me, even though she is responding a lot. she is also incredibly naive about what tinder is for, saying something to the tune of "i dont know why people always want to hook up on this app." Not that that's what i'm looking for with it, but at least i'm aware of what its primary use is.

second one has a kid, but also is sort of uninteresting in general (no way i'm dating someone with a kid at this point in my life unless they're 100% what i'm looking for)

third one apparently just hits "Like" on random things like playstation, cause i asked her what kind of games she likes to play and she says she's not a gamer. "i like normal things." whatever that means.

I'm guessing then I shouldn't even touch Tinder since I'm not looking for quick hook-ups.

 

[davepoobond]

I'm guessing then I shouldn't even touch Tinder since I'm not looking for quick hook-ups.

i dont know, really. i haven't gotten anything from it personally, but thats the overwhelming use for it. you can try it out and just screen people you may get a match for and see if they are actually looking for a relationship, maybe you'll get lucky.

 

[freshair]

I'm guessing then I shouldn't even touch Tinder since I'm not looking for quick hook-ups.

I matched with quite a few people that are actually more down to hangout (and maybe date) than I have that wants to hookup.

It's predominantly a hookup app, yes, but it's not used exclusively for that.

 

[Lone_Prodigy]

.

 

[Sami+]

I'm guessing then I shouldn't even touch Tinder since I'm not looking for quick hook-ups.

I've met a few people that weren't looking for that. It's pretty easy to tell when people are.

 

[Pegosaurus]

so i'm meeting this girl on saturday and i'm super nervous. I want to meet her but it feels like the expectation of this being a date is getting to me rather than meeting her and gradually getting to that point. I know I'm probably being irrational but still. Any tips, i've never done online dating before :/

 

[hipgnosis]

so i'm meeting this girl on saturday and i'm super nervous. I want to meet her but it feels like the expectation of this being a date is getting to me rather than meeting her and gradually getting to that point. I know I'm probably being irrational but still. Any tips, i've never done online dating before :/

Go out there and have fun. Don't think about it too much if possible. Things will come natural if there's a connection.