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[Azulsky]

Not saying you are incorrect, but that's not the full picture.

Not engaging in a two way conversation is the opposite of showing interest IMO. People who give one word answers, answer a question and don't ask anything back. They don't want you to reply, but apparently they've got not much else better to do so they reply. It could be related to an ego stroking as well.

If it comes down to it and you ask them 10 questions In a row without them asking anything back, how can that be seen as interest or even someone youd want to keep talking to? Like others have said earlier, they are just talking to themselves and you would be too.

Well yes it's certainly more complex but if you think everyone is annoyed or bugged by your messages yet still responding that's likely only true if you have a small sample size.

Yeah one way conversations are annoying especially when they answer enthusiastically yet don't pull any weight themselves in keeping it going. I don't think I have stuck around for 10 questions, maybe 3.

 

[Septimius]

I usually always go for drinks for the first date. It relaxes both and discussion goes more smoothly. Of course if you don't drink alcohol coffee would be great as well.

I usually go with the following set up:

First date: Drinks in a bar
Second date: Invite the girl over

Usually goes great and it's easy to check how interest the girl is.

Even if you drink alcohol, there's a ton of new experiences to be taken in without the need of alcohol. I think it can be detrimental to ask someone over for the second date. It heavily implies sex, which can scare away people that are genuinely interested.

As for the rest of the debate, interest is a continuous scale. No interest is different from just some, which is different from "enough to date you". I'm sure there are some psychological effects in play, even online, where people might respond because they 'want to be nice'. It's just important never to feel entitled to a date, no matter how many responses you've gotten.

 

[hipgnosis]

Even if you drink alcohol, there's a ton of new experiences to be taken in without the need of alcohol. I think it can be detrimental to ask someone over for the second date. It heavily implies sex, which can scare away people that are genuinely interested.

I'm speaking from my personal experience and so far things have gone well. I date "good girls" and this way of dating has never seemed intimidating for them. Inviting a girl over doesn't necessarily mean sex and you can have a good time in a more laid back environment. Also girls have invited me over even on the first date and it hasn't necessarily meant of having sex. I have also held back from having sex on the second date even if the girl strongly implied it.

I understand that it might seem intimidating for some girls and you got to feel the vibe on the first date. If she's comfortable around you I don't see the problem inviting her over and cooking a dinner etc. But yeah I don't know, depends on the girl I guess.

 

[Lone_Prodigy]

Okay I might be about to make a huge mistake, but fuck it. I went on a date with this girl from OKC back in the summer and we really hit it off over drinks and ended up making out that night. Next day she's super cold and basically after a few messages says she's too "busy" to do anything again. I'm a bit hurt, thought we got along, but whatever, not a big deal

Last night on a whim I message her again asking if she wants to go out again. Not even expecting a response, what I get back is an enthusiastic "sure!". On the one hand, I mean, based on that one date I do really like this girl. Not like, am attached to her, but just she's a really fun really smart person. On the other hand she did just kind of drop me last time with no explanation.

Well we'll see how screwed I am

Now I'm tempted to do this.

 

[cdViking]

Finally took the time to put a profile up. Any thoughts/critiques?

http://www.okcupid.com/profile/cdQuantum?cf=profile

edit: Apparently 4 people like me... probably got complimentary likes to encourage paying the dough to see them.

Anybody? I'm confident with myself and how I come across IRL, but have never tried online dating and know I tend to ramble or sound like an intellectual snob who overrates his intellect when self-profiling.

Plus I know like 5 dudes from here checked the link out, so what's the verdict?

 

[freshair]

Anybody? I'm confident with myself and how I come across IRL, but have never tried online dating and know I tend to ramble or sound like an intellectual snob who overrates his intellect when self-profiling.

Plus I know like 5 dudes from here checked the link out, so what's the verdict?

Honestly, your profile isn't bad, but it isn't great either. It's very matter of fact and doesn't really stand out.

I think your profile stems from a problem that a lot of people have which is "telling" instead of "showing.

live to the fullest on weekends or any other opportunity that comes up by trying anything and everything. Life's short, right? Why not make the most of it by learning, seeing, and experiencing as much as I can?

Like what? What have you done recently or in the past that show cases this?

Hanging with friends and taking a deep breath and laughing is also pretty great

I don't know if you're being facetious with this line or not. I'd remove since. And if you weren't, this falls into the typical profile cliche of "i love life. i'm down to earth. i love to laugh. i'm the nicest x you'll ever meet." etc.

You're really good at:
One-liners and dry humor,

Again, show me. This doesn't really come across in your profile. And yes, these type of things can be conveyed easier in person, but try and have fun with your profile. It doesn't have to be so "Here I am. This is me".

Your "I spend a lot of time thinking about" really doesn't tell me anything either. Everyone thinks about the past/present/future. If you're including it in your profile, tell me something about the past, present and future. Give me something from your personality.

And do you have any more pictures? Your first 2 pictures are of you with beer. Not that that's a bad thing, but maybe have your main w/o it.

 

[SRG01]

@davepoobond

Agreed. Lots of people online will reply for reasons other than interest. That girl who replies to you enthusiastically and then disappears? Not interested. Even if someone is asking questions its not a sign of interest. To me, there's no clear interest until you actually meet on a date. Actions are everything in the world of dating.

Some people can just be bored and want to chat with a random without ever wanting to meet. Some want an ego boost. Some just get caught in the fun feeling of a good message but have no desire to meet. Some are just sympathetic and reply because of it, again with no intention to meet. All these things are factors.

I agree with this too.

Actually, I'd probably extend this even to relationships too. Until there's some genuine rapport and openness established, there's no real way to tell what the other person really wants.

 

[Lulubop]

Made a Tinder this past week plenty of matches but no dates yet, people be busy... just not me. Now I feel liek I have to cram a ton of dates into this weekend.

 

[Lucian Cat]

Maybe not seen as a 'lucrative' or 'prestigious' job?

I've had instances where I tell people I'm a teacher/professor and they run towards the hills.

Hmm I guess. I've just never said no to a guy just coz his job wasn't all that. As long as he can support himself is all I care for

 

[iAmMaximus]

If the last date ended with a kiss (first kiss), do we greet with a kiss or just the hug? I'll be seeing her this weekend and it'll be our fourth date.

 

[GK86]

If the last date ended with a kiss (first kiss), do we greet with a kiss or just the hug? I'll be seeing her this weekend and it'll be our fourth date.

I usually go with hugs (or a quick tap kiss).

 

[SRG01]

That girl and I finally got a date set for this weekend. Not sure how this is going to work because we both have incredibly busy lives that don't quite mesh together.

 

[Valus]

I just messaged this amazingly gorgeous gamer girl that is a good 15 miles or so away from me. I was surprised her mailbox wasn't full. Even though I have no chance, w/e. Yolo!

 

[Zemm]

What do when a person you're talking to is basically the female version of you? I don't know if that's a good thing or not. Plus I feel like we've text too much but don't think she's in to me enough to ask her to meets up. I'm such a pussy

 

[Azulsky]

What do when a person you're talking to is basically the female version of you? I don't know if that's a good thing or not. Plus I feel like we've text too much but don't think she's in to me enough to ask her to meets up. I'm such a pussy

Just ask for the coffee date!!!

 

[Nether!]

Anyone just feel burnt out from online dating/dating in general after a bit?

I was having a lot of fun with tinder in the spring and summer but I recently redownloaded it and I just couldn't be bothered with anything past matching with people and deleted it after a couple days.

I might have gone out with too many people this past year and feel a tad cynical about the whole process.
If anything has come from it is say that I am a lot more cognizant of what I'm looking for now.

 

[Deleted member 47027]

Anyone just feel burnt out from online dating/dating in general after a bit?

I was having a lot of fun with tinder in the spring and summer but I recently redownloaded it and I just couldn't be bothered with anything past matching with people and deleted it after a couple days.

I might have gone out with too many people this past year and feel a tad cynical about the whole process.
If anything has come from it is say that I am a lot more cognizant of what I'm looking for now.

It'll wear you the fuck out if you'r honest and earnest to people. It'll just wear you out.

 

[Horseticuffs]

Anyone just feel burnt out from online dating/dating in general after a bit?

I was having a lot of fun with tinder in the spring and summer but I recently redownloaded it and I just couldn't be bothered with anything past matching with people and deleted it after a couple days.

I might have gone out with too many people this past year and feel a tad cynical about the whole process.
If anything has come from it is say that I am a lot more cognizant of what I'm looking for now.

I went through a period before I met my girlfriend where I went on like three first dates in ten days. It was really mind of stressful and wearisome.

That said, at the point where I was going to throw in the towel I noticed a new girl on okc with only a pic and a reference to a TV show about women who kill their mates in her profile and messaged her because I knew a woman in her late thirties with blue hair and I would get along on some level.

We've been seeing each other for just over a month, been a couple for like two weeks, and were inseparable. We haven't stopped texting and talking since the first time I messaged her.

All I'm saying is that you never know when, amidst all the bullshit, you might strike the jackpot. It could happen the day after you quit. You just don't know, guys and gals.

 

[SRG01]

It'll wear you the fuck out if you'r honest and earnest to people. It'll just wear you out.

Definitely. Any kind of dating is absolutely tiring if you're not looking for something casual.

 

[Raptomex]

I'm finally seeing that girl I've been texting for a month. Seeing her tonight. Last week she told me she had today off and asked if I wanted to get some food with her. Needless to say I'm nervous. I'm driving to her place and she's driving us to the restaurant. I'm not even nervous about that. She works and goes to school so I'm guessing she still lives with the folks. That's not a problem, as I do to. It's not even the date I'm nervous about. I'm just not good with groups of people I've never met let alone the girl I'm seeing I've never met, now I'm going to show up at her house and possibly meet her family. This is going to be awkward, but I'm going.

 

[Azulsky]

@Origin of Hysteria
Asides from sports I do enjoy playing video games, watching movies and listening to music. I think that I am an ambitious person and I'm looking for someone who's the same. I want to be able to grow with someone else and just find someone to enjoy life with me. I'm very personable and I love talking to and meeting new people.
Find out more by reading below!

Take this whole part out, especially the video games. Let the person find out you're a gamer during the date, not before. Gamers get a bad rep by default.

...

Is it not some insane double standard that girls wear nerd/geek/gamer as a symbol of pride and a guy might have to suppress his interests?

 

[Horseticuffs]

Is it not some insane double standard that girls wear nerd/geek/gamer as a symbol of pride and a guy might have to suppress his interests?

Women can make a profile wearing cracker boxes and proclaiming their love of eating their own poo and have three different offers for each night of the week on a dating site.

 

[Azulsky]

Women can make a profile wearing cracker boxes and proclaiming their love of eating their own poo and have three different offers for each night of the week on a dating site.

C'est la vie

 

[GK86]

I'm finally seeing that girl I've been texting for a month. Seeing her tonight. Last week she told me she had today off and asked if I wanted to get some food with her. Needless to say I'm nervous. I'm driving to her place and she's driving us to the restaurant. I'm not even nervous about that. She works and goes to school so I'm guessing she still lives with the folks. That's not a problem, as I do to. It's not even the date I'm nervous about. I'm just not good with groups of people I've never met let alone the girl I'm seeing I've never met, now I'm going to show up at her house and possibly meet her family. This is going to be awkward, but I'm going.

Have her meet you downstairs. I doubt she is going to want you to meet her family anyway.

 

[Windam]

OKC has made me a moderator.

I've yet to meet anyone off it, or have more than one conversation on it (and this was months ago).

Guess there's no fix for ugly/boring.

 

[NoctisVsStar]

OKC has made me a moderator.

I've yet to meet anyone off it, or have more than one conversation on it (and this was months ago).

Guess there's no fix for ugly/boring.

revise your profile bruh, Take some new pics at different places,bars, parks, you know somewhere cool and you're set!

 

[Raptomex]

Have her meet you downstairs. I doubt she is going to want you to meet her family anyway.

Good idea.

 

[Nether!]

It'll wear you the fuck out if you'r honest and earnest to people. It'll just wear you out.

I agree.
I think my expectations and goals are a big part of my problem.
I keep meeting women that just want short term/no term and I'm looking for a longer relationship.
I realize the issue is mine, I'm investing too much off the top with simply what I'm looking for but I find it difficult/impossible to not go into something with my true intent.
Have taken a break for the past month or so and while I'm open to meeting someone through happenstance, I can't deal with online dating at the moment.

 

[Watch Da Birdie]

Well, GAF, I made an okcupid account long ago, and recently I got interested in actually doing something with it...

Visited it for a bit, didn't do anything, but I guess okcupid could tell so it started sending me recommendations...

And, one of the girls it suggested seemed right my type. It actually inspired me to finally finish my profile, get a decent picture (I'm not a big picture taker which I think hurts my chances at finding someone, I'm just not photogenic), and actually go looking. Thing is, I'm anxious about messaging that girl because I just started the profile and I don't want it to turn out awkward like I built the profile just to impress her. But you know, she was the first one I saw on OKCupid who I think I'd get along with since she had a lot of hobbies I enjoy like JRPGs and such. Actually gave me courage to be open with my "nerdier" hobbies as well because, hey, who knows, no reason to try and hide what I like.

 

[ReturnOfTheRAT]

OKC has made me a moderator.

I've yet to meet anyone off it, or have more than one conversation on it (and this was months ago).

Guess there's no fix for ugly/boring.

Yeah, got the same offer.

I had a really nice conversation with a girl on OKC that ended up moving to texting late last month. Every time I asked her out, she said she was busy, or next week, thus I had to enact the Bradley Pitt rule on her. Odd situation since she was the one that like me first and offered her number.

Oh well, I'm in a good spot with the current lady from POF. It's been a 5 weeks now.

Bonus:

 

[SRG01]

Well, GAF, I made an okcupid account long ago, and recently I got interested in actually doing something with it...

Visited it for a bit, didn't do anything, but I guess okcupid could tell so it started sending me recommendations...

And, one of the girls it suggested seemed right my type. It actually inspired me to finally finish my profile, get a decent picture (I'm not a big picture taker which I think hurts my chances at finding someone, I'm just not photogenic), and actually go looking. Thing is, I'm anxious about messaging that girl because I just started the profile and I don't want it to turn out awkward like I built the profile just to impress her. But you know, she was the first one I saw on OKCupid who I think I'd get along with since she had a lot of hobbies I enjoy like JRPGs and such. Actually gave me courage to be open with my "nerdier" hobbies as well because, hey, who knows, no reason to try and hide what I like.

Don't think too much about it. The algorithm is an automatic one and that percentage is no guarantee that she'll actually reply.

The first rule of online dating is never, ever convince yourself that a girl is going to reply to you, or that you have to come up with some hugely impressive first message in order to get her to reply. Much like real life dating, no one is ever obligated to respond to a person's advances no matter what form it may take.

Be genuine. But more importantly, be empathetic to what she's going through as an online dater as well. You will be surprised at how well "Hey! We both like X, what about so-and-so" works. It's not intrusive, breaks the ice, and is respectful to the other party.

 

[Azulsky]

To be honest, if the girl is turned off by the fact you're a gamer before the date, it's probably not going to go well for you if you tell her during the date.

I can think of a few guys that don't find my gaming to be a symbol of pride, btw. It's only a symbol of pride for a guy that shares similar interests.

Well that's why it seems foolish to not say something in your profile that you enjoy and spend time doing, regardless of your gender, otherwise you are lying before you even meet.

I havent seen video games come up as a red flag in a relationship where you could not replace it for any other hobby. Mostly a you spend too much time/money doing X situation. Most of the couples I know maintain some activity independence and each has hobbies they do alone.

 

[NoctisVsStar]

Well that's why it seems foolish to not say something in your profile that you enjoy and spend time doing, regardless of your gender, otherwise you are lying before you even meet.

I havent seen video games come up as a red flag in a relationship where you could not replace it for any other hobby. Mostly a you spend too much time/money doing X situation. Most of the couples I know maintain some activity independence and each has hobbies they do alone.

I think what bunny is trying to elude to is perhaps not to talk about being a gamer and such on a potential profile or first date since it can be off putting to some females . For instance like I don't bring up the fact that I'm a gamer not because I'm ashamed or anything it's just doesn't add nothing to the conversation imo ( that's just my case ) However I truly doubt it's a red flag like you said.

To me gaming it's just one of the things that your date should find out later on, like if she asks you or if you playing one random day and she sees you playing. Cause unfortunately there's this negative perception and stereotype of gamers. So i think it's better to highlight your qualities of being a great guy and why should she give you a chance. Hobbies and such are filler convos to get to the "real" issue whether she's interested in you or not.

 

[Soi-Fong]

Got my first date tonight with the girl I've mentioned in the past few pages. I am nervous as heck.

Edit: She actually asked me if we wanted to see each other Thursday, but I said no since I had plans with friends to play Civ: BE for the night. She was cool with it and I texted her the days I was open for next week and this week which was Saturday. She asked if today was cool, to which I said yes. I guess she really just wanted to meet each other.

 

[Zemm]

this shit is draining, my god.

 

[EdibleKnife]

OK I've taken some profile tips from what I've seen here but I still would enjoy some critique:

http://www.okcupid.com/profile/PositiveCalvin

Anybody? I'm confident with myself and how I come across IRL, but have never tried online dating and know I tend to ramble or sound like an intellectual snob who overrates his intellect when self-profiling.

Plus I know like 5 dudes from here checked the link out, so what's the verdict?

I like it in all honesty. I'm not one to get to in depth but the writing style gives it personality. Informative but breezy. Makes you seem chill and the photos are great. Lots of activity makes you seem well rounded. I give it a thumbs up.

 

[Soi-Fong]

this shit is draining, my god.

I think that's why it's important to take a break once in a while and also, remember going not to full invest yourself emotionally and financially into these things until you've gone on a few dates and such.

Like what people have said here before, just have fun with it and remember that no one is obliged to respond to you. It's important to go in with that mindset.

I've talked with up to 4 or 5 girls, and this first date tonight is the first one where I have actually gotten a date. The last 4 have been duds with the girls no longer responding to me after I asked for their phone number.

 

[SRG01]

Well, my date got canceled!

 

[NoctisVsStar]

Well, my date got canceled!

What happened?

 

[Horseticuffs]

Well, my date got canceled!

That sucks! Were you at least given a good reason?

 

[davepoobond]

Well, my date got canceled!

:/

 

[Lulubop]

First Tinder date tonight, actually kinda nervous. I would have had two dates today but the girl was like oh can we do it in the day time instead and I was uh I guess. I don't think she was feeling that reply. Oh well.

 

[SRG01]

What happened?

That sucks! Were you at least given a good reason?

:/

Yeah, something quite important happened on her end. I'm actually not upset about it, just that I'm trying to balance my expectations with reality. That, and I'm actually at work right now, trying to catch up on work before the previously scheduled date, so perhaps this is an opportunity for me to get more work done.

Or I can go watch John Wick.

 

[EdibleKnife]

Yeah, something quite important happened on her end. I'm actually not upset about it, just that I'm trying to balance my expectations with reality. That, and I'm actually at work right now, trying to catch up on work before the previously scheduled date, so perhaps this is an opportunity for me to get more work done.

Or I can go watch John Wick.

Good attitude. Did you two end up rescheduling?

 

[Zaraki_Kenpachi]

Yeah, something quite important happened on her end. I'm actually not upset about it, just that I'm trying to balance my expectations with reality. That, and I'm actually at work right now, trying to catch up on work before the previously scheduled date, so perhaps this is an opportunity for me to get more work done.

Or I can go watch John Wick.

Just got back from john wick after plans fell through with a girl. I was surprised how much I enjoyed john wick so I vote that.

 

[SRG01]

Good attitude. Did you two end up rescheduling?

Well, I told her that we'll reschedule after the dust settles on her end, so I'll probably give her a call or text on Monday/Tuesday.

Things are getting super crazy at work -- half-way point of the semester has come and gone! -- so finding time for dates or even personal relaxation is hard to come by.

Just got back from john wick after plans fell through with a girl. I was surprised how much I enjoyed john wick so I vote that.

I might buy the IMAX tickets for John Wick if they have it here, but I'm not sure I can handle that much Keanu Reeves

 

[Saiyan-Rox]

Well i've still managed to get zero replies from anyone been I think over a year trying.

 

[Bo Knows GAF]

Thinking about trying this all again. I'm not meeting anyone particularly interesting or great at bars or the gym, and work makes it difficult to get out more often. Online dating has worked for me in the past, but never seems to have a happy ending. 1st time dated a girl for a year, then she cheated on me. 2nd time dated for about a month, girl texted me CONSTANTLY (pet peave of mine) but never said more than 2 words in person. Third time I was completely catfished, and I think I remember posting about it here. Online dating is so awesome for opening up new oppertunties with people you may never have met otherwise, but holy hell what a high risk/high reward. At least meeting in person let's you see someone in an unprepared light where you can observe their normal behaviors. I'm almost scared to do it now after that last encounter. What an awkward night.

 

[Lulubop]

I have that I'm a gamer on my profile and I do well. I certainly think I get messages because of it, and I don't think girls would be put off about it.

Anyway, about to head out. Not feeling confident for this one.

 

[Bo Knows GAF]

I have that I'm a gamer on my profile and I do well. I certainly think I get messages because of it, and I don't think girls would be put off about it.

Anyway, about to head out. Not feeling confident for this one.

Goodluck dude, you got it