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Online Dating |OT| Please Respond
- Thread starter Jhoan
- Start date
Advocatus Diaboli
Member
I've sent the first message twice - because the girls actually seemed really interesting. Otherwise, I just sit back and wait for their messages, and I probably reply to about half of those.
Wish me luck. I'm about to head off on the second of a "5 dates in 5 days" gauntlet.
stn
Member
Practically never. When I first opened an account I sent them semi-frequently AND I tried to be funny and creative. I'd say it worked about 5-10% of the time if I was lucky. Thing is I grew really bored of failing too much so I decided to let them message me instead. I get messaged 1-3 times a day. I haven't messaged anyone since 2013 (literally no point for me to do so). I'm sure I've lost opportunities because of it but meh.
What did I send? Man, it doesn't even matter. If a girl likes your pic she WILL reply. I usually sent the polar bear/break ice joke, or something corny like that. All I'm going to say is just be funny in your first message but also keep it short.
I just realized that I haven't been on online dating sites regularly for a while. That's strange for me.
However, I am seeing this one girl this weekend, but I don't have any expectations from it. Just a casual meetup over coffee.
edit: Actually, the last time I was out for coffee with a girl, it ended up... very different from coffee.
However, I am seeing this one girl this weekend, but I don't have any expectations from it. Just a casual meetup over coffee.
edit: Actually, the last time I was out for coffee with a girl, it ended up... very different from coffee.
Advocatus Diaboli
Member
I just ask a question keyed to something in their profile. Even something innocuous is fine, because having a solid picture and not spamming idiocy is a necessary, but not sufficient, condition. The rest is timing. In my case, at least 75% of my messages have played off of the low-hanging fruit in mine, which is: "I'm living in DC, which is one of the 4 cities in the country that I'd willingly live in."
Last night was my first situation of the girl not looking quite like her pictures, by the way. That's fun.
Well might as well post here ... met my GF 2 months ago on eHarmony... it has been going amazing so far, she is everything my ex wife was not. Fun, outgoing.. responsible.. FUN.. smiles... and we have had an amazing first 2 months.
I was not a believer before in online dating but I obviously am now... and of course I went the paid route with eHarmony but it was worth it. And for the record she contacted me..
Here are some pics of her and us together...
I was not a believer before in online dating but I obviously am now... and of course I went the paid route with eHarmony but it was worth it. And for the record she contacted me..
Here are some pics of her and us together...
jimmypython
Member
yeah that Asian guy visiting your profile was me....studying too..... thanks!
You're not the only one, bruh. I've had a load of guys from here check it out. Out of interest, what do you all think of it? I sound incredibly obnoxious and arrogant reading it but girls seem to love it.
On that subject, I'm going to have to cut a few out. I have obtained 15-20 numbers through OKC and POF. Remembering details about each girl is becoming a chore. I need to bring it down to 3-5. I have a rough idea of who to keep in the circle.
j0hnnix
Member
So Ive been talking to another girl from OKC and today we met for lunch. She was pretty busy but she still wanted to meet. We met at a tavern (pretty cool place) anyways, we talked and ate passed the time she needed to get back to work - I told her to go so she won't be late. I hugged her and said by and she said lets hang out again. She is damn cute and super smart.. so its looking good were still texting.
Edit
Second date secured. Going to do something fun. We both like playing pool and chicken wings. So I'm taking her to this pub I know.
Edit
Second date secured. Going to do something fun. We both like playing pool and chicken wings. So I'm taking her to this pub I know.
Congrats on the happiness
It does read a arrogant and "try-hard" imo, but I'm not one to argue with results. Keep doing you if you're getting success from it.
If you're attracting the kind of girls you want to attract, who am I to argue results?
Broke things off with girl who was seeking exclusivity after date 2. Figured it would be better to end things sooner rather than risk her getting too attached.
Now I'm in a lull as far as messaging goes. Only two of 'em right now. One sends a message every day, the other stopped the week before thanksgiving. Sent her another message this past week, got a reply, but nothing in a couple days. She said she's been busy taking extra hours for work, but if she was really interested, I wouldn't think a couple minutes a week to reply is too much to ask.
Heh, I'm honestly surprised girls message me after reading that shit, but at least it works. Anyhoo, I've cut the circle down to three girls, one of whom I started talking to only this morning. We've been texting back and forth all day. She seems sweet from what I know, and she's really pretty. We have a ton in common (scarily so) which helps. I definitely want to see where this goes.
Aside from that, I've got Date #2 with this tasty Irish girl on Sunday. We had our first date the other night and it went really well. Just casual drinks and conversation, ending with a cheeky kiss. We'll see how Sunday goes, though, treating her to a meal and a night at the theatre.
Aside from that, I've got Date #2 with this tasty Irish girl on Sunday. We had our first date the other night and it went really well. Just casual drinks and conversation, ending with a cheeky kiss. We'll see how Sunday goes, though, treating her to a meal and a night at the theatre.
j0hnnix
Member
I agree on a few minutes to say hi or I'm busy isn't to much. I have one like that I'm just letting her do her thing while I work on another girl that actually shows interest even when she is busy.
j0hnnix
Member
Lolololol
Really good advice, thanks very much, to all of you that replied.
Now my real fear is just going on a date with a guy that has nothing to add to conversation.
Advocatus Diaboli
Member
You can't force it. It's going to happen. That's what happened last night with me. It was literally the most awkward date possible - nothing either of us were doing was landing, and it just became increasingly uncomfortable. It wasn't her fault either, and I don't think it was mine. Some people just don't click conversationally in any capacity. But, you know what?
It's honestly not that bad. It was a weird 3 hours of life that neither of us will get back, but we survived.
jadedm17
Member
The girl I saw a few weeks ago got back from her vacation and we had dinner then relaxed on her porch and talked last night where she made it a point to set up a bowling date for tomorrow. She's responsible and sweet so I'm excited to see her again.
That's pretty long for a bad date.
Working in the service industry has made bad dates not really a concern on my end: a First dates for me are almost always just coffee and anyone you talk to can teach you something. It's only awkward if you make it awkward. Ask them what they do for a living, for fun and what their childhood was like and take a genuinely interested approach and if you don't click then part ways. Easy.*
*Disclaimer being I meet new people every day for my job and genuinely enjoy getting to know someone new so I'll admit that part does come easy for me.
That's normal and part of the fun : Keep expectations in check and enjoy yourself.
That's pretty long for a bad date.
Working in the service industry has made bad dates not really a concern on my end: a First dates for me are almost always just coffee and anyone you talk to can teach you something. It's only awkward if you make it awkward. Ask them what they do for a living, for fun and what their childhood was like and take a genuinely interested approach and if you don't click then part ways. Easy.*
*Disclaimer being I meet new people every day for my job and genuinely enjoy getting to know someone new so I'll admit that part does come easy for me.
That's normal and part of the fun : Keep expectations in check and enjoy yourself.
NoctisVsStar
Member
coffee and brunch?
Update: we had a really good time and we kissed at the end of the date. I've never been kissed right on the first date before.
I can possibly prevent it by trying to drag out text convos, if those die out then I know.
That sounds like it was awful for both of you, I just can't handle those situations they make me feel stuck and sick. It is just shitty when you yourself have a lot to talk about but everything you say either goes over their head or they act uninterested and/or rudely make no response to it.
A guy on POF made a creepy ....threat? It was 4am and I didn't respond to his msg because I went to bed at that point, he sent me three messages asking what my favorite games were for the first one, second one was just an extension of the first one, then the third one was "Make friends before you make enemies"....should I fear for my life?
NoctisVsStar
Member
0.0
davepoobond
you can't put a price on sparks
at least their messages get read, amirite?
Yeah there are quite a few insecure guys on POF, I am always really scared to read messages after I ignored the first, not to mention this one guy I went on one date with and really did not like him after said date, who continually harassed me through text saying really insulting things (back when I had a blackberry and blocking phone numbers was not a free function) all because I very nicely without insults, rejected him.
Speak for yourself. I get over 50% of my initial contact OKC messages replied to. Apparently the ladies like intelligent guys with a goofy sense of humor who aren't entirely hideous. And I have a job, which looking through a lot of "you should message me if's" puts me ahead of like half the guys out there.
davepoobond
you can't put a price on sparks
chillax man, i wasn't saying anything against you....
Eh, I was just bragging a little. After a good decade of low self-esteem, I'm still coming to terms that women may find me desirable.
I'm in the same boat as you. It's always been a one-way street where love is concerned. But over the past year, women have shown a mutual interest. It's sometimes hard to wrap my head round but it always gives me a little ego boost thinking about.
Saiyan-Rox
Member
Finally got 1 reply from OKC but as soon as I mentioned I was a student she went dark we were having a decent sized convo swell which sucks. First reply I've had in about 5 months swell not sure what I'm doing wrong ><
Girls just don't seem to like me even though both my closest mates are girls lol
Girls just don't seem to like me even though both my closest mates are girls lol
Advocatus Diaboli
Member
Probably the most important thing to remember is that some people just don't click. The day after that date from hell, I met someone else, and we talked for 6 hours straight before we met up with her friends for an impromptu double date. You'll know pretty quickly if there's chemistry -- but I really appreciate people who understand that first dates are meant to get to know the other person, meaning that you've got to help each other with conversation.
As far as the POF guy goes, I wouldn't be worried. Block him if you can on that site, and just scrub it for personally identifying information. Like, a picture of you in a public area is fine, but you standing outside your house or next to your car with the license plate visible, not so much. Don't get freaked out, though. There are plenty of assholes on the Internet who suddenly get stupidly courageous when they're basically anonymous.
jimmypython
Member
you should come to my city....basically a university town full of other students.....
But it is fairly hard to meet young professional girls, that being said, I don't have problem dating a student either
Saiyan-Rox
Member
you should come to my city....basically a university town full of other students.....
But it is fairly hard to meet young professional girls, that being said, I don't have problem dating a student either
Guess everywhere is full of students though if you think about it. I'm technically a mature student maybe that's the reason but ah who knows I just hate striking out ya know? never had a date or a girl interested in me in that way my whole life so I don't even know what it's like to go out with anyone or how i'd be lol (though probably very boring i'm lousy at talking and have zero confidence)
Maybe I should set up my bachelor pad now? :'(
Chin up! I had my first date just last month, and you don't want to know how old I am. If you post your profile, people here will critique it for you. It might sound weird, but outside perspectives are very beneficial.
What do you usally write as first text?
Saiyan-Rox
Member
Tried that a while back my profile got hammered for punctuation something which I don't do unless it's for something important like an assignment lol. I tried to fix it not sure if I made it better or not. I'm not sure what else to do really not gonna make excuses for myself I know i'm hard to get along with and have some self image issues to boot.
well I'd first find a profile of a girl that has the same interests and always ask something about what's on there I never send the generic Hi messages don't think that would get me anywhere really.
Big mistake. After your picture, proper grammar and punctuation is probably the second most important part of your profile. A lot of girls use it to gauge how smart you really are. Speaking honestly here, if I saw a profile that used poor grammar and the girl said "i'm a student", I wouldn't think they're a very good student. It's a girls' market out there, so you should be doing everything you can to give yourself an edge.
Saiyan-Rox
Member
Yeah I know I did change it but not sure if it's better or not really. "Link" i'm not sure what else to put on it or change it really.
stn
Member
I'm no expert but I do get messaged quite a lot, hence I assume I'm doing something right. Here's what I strongly recommend for any profile:
-Have your best pic, can be a selfie or whatever. Just make it clear and good. Try to smile.
-Do not make your profile a simple list. Mix in good humor with a little bit about yourself.
-Use proper grammar! Classy girls will think you're ignorant or lazy if you don't.
-Brag a bit in your profile, show that you're confident and happy.
-Do not use any negatives (ex. I dislike/I'm not looking for...)
As for a first message, it never hurts to send a good joke. But try to send one that is trendy and involves the person. Example: "I've been thinking about [insert funny], what do you think?" Do not compliment or patronize, its boring and everyone unimaginative does it.
-Have your best pic, can be a selfie or whatever. Just make it clear and good. Try to smile.
-Do not make your profile a simple list. Mix in good humor with a little bit about yourself.
-Use proper grammar! Classy girls will think you're ignorant or lazy if you don't.
-Brag a bit in your profile, show that you're confident and happy.
-Do not use any negatives (ex. I dislike/I'm not looking for...)
As for a first message, it never hurts to send a good joke. But try to send one that is trendy and involves the person. Example: "I've been thinking about [insert funny], what do you think?" Do not compliment or patronize, its boring and everyone unimaginative does it.
http://www.okcupid.com/profile/randomcountdown
Study my profile and take notes. Adapt parts to fit your personality, or just C&P it. Girls love my profile, I wake up to a shit load of messages every day.
Study my profile and take notes. Adapt parts to fit your personality, or just C&P it. Girls love my profile, I wake up to a shit load of messages every day.
Saiyan-Rox
Member
i'll admit I had a good read xD mine is boring in comparison!
Not on POF myself, but it looks like pics are very important there. Better ones will help. You have three there, two of you looking pretty neutral and one of your dog. Get more! And make them varied! Get at least one up of you smiling. Instead of a picture of your dog, get a picture of you outside playing with your dog. You like going to comedy shows/the theatre, get pics of you there. Your pics will say a lot about you before they even get to your profile, so try to say something that will bring the girls in!
You could also use another grammar pass. As well is two words, your fav TV Shows and Movies use inconsistent capitalization, in fact the first letter of every sentence should be capitalized, get rid of "imo", and some of your sentences are run-ons. "I like to think I'm a nice guy but I do have a dark sense of humour so be warned of that anything goes with me and I do tend to give some friendly slagging and of course take some friendly slagging swell i'm not one to get offended easily and will shake anything off as banter." is long for a sentence.