redhairedking
Junior Member
Does anyone know what happens if you choose to take a bagel from your other suggested bagels on CMB? There is one I'm slightly interested in but just want to see her profile before deciding whether to like or pass.
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Online Dating |OT| Please Respond
- Thread starter Jhoan
- Start date
Demon Lizardman
Banned
I've got to find a way to stop being so clingy and needy.
Oh man, feel like I'm getting friendzoned bad here. First date ended with a handshake. First text message afterwards she tells me she thinks we'd make "great friends". So I decide to step things up, ask her to get dinner at one of two casual restaurants with pretty good food. I get countered with suggestions for a bar or indian buffet.
Best I can hope for now is that she just doesn't like leaving her comfort zone that much. But I'm no banking on that.
Best I can hope for now is that she just doesn't like leaving her comfort zone that much. But I'm no banking on that.
jadedm17
Member
Awesome female friends tend to have awesome friends that are female. Silver lining.
stn
Member
Its easy, bro. If you want to change the situation... change it! You basically have to bluntly tell her that "I don't want to be friends and am looking for a relationship. If you're down, let's do this. Otherwise, see you around!"
People WILL respond to that because they will see that you're assertive and know what you want. If you don't do this, however, then you will end up friends. Which you can use to meet other women.
TheVampire
Banned
So I have been on a dating site for a few weeks so far with not much luck.
I messaged one last girl and she replied.
However her messages were allways short and didn't allways talk about my last message.
I wasn't really feeling it with her so I said screw it and just asked her out for a coffee unless she wanted to chat some more.
She replied and said ok and also gave me her number with out me having to ask.
A bit up front based on my past experiences.
I messaged her again to arrange where to meet for coffee and she took a while to reply and said how about just going to her house.
She would be home by 4, work out, then shower and "be presentable" by 6 and she'd also order take out and we'd watch movies.
Wtf is sex going to happen or I imaging I it?
Her profile also mentioned shed just got out of a three year relationship...
I've only had sex with one previous girl before and only a couple of times.
I've don a lot of dating with not much success but this situation has never happened to me before.
I messaged one last girl and she replied.
However her messages were allways short and didn't allways talk about my last message.
I wasn't really feeling it with her so I said screw it and just asked her out for a coffee unless she wanted to chat some more.
She replied and said ok and also gave me her number with out me having to ask.
A bit up front based on my past experiences.
I messaged her again to arrange where to meet for coffee and she took a while to reply and said how about just going to her house.
She would be home by 4, work out, then shower and "be presentable" by 6 and she'd also order take out and we'd watch movies.
Wtf is sex going to happen or I imaging I it?
Her profile also mentioned shed just got out of a three year relationship...
I've only had sex with one previous girl before and only a couple of times.
I've don a lot of dating with not much success but this situation has never happened to me before.
Let me put it this way, sex is a lot more likely now than if she has just asked to meet at a cafe.
What you really need to do now is text her back and ask if she "needs any help in the shower
"I can't tell if you're kidding. Don't do this.Let me put it this way, sex is a lot more likely now than if she has just asked to meet at a cafe.
What you really need to do now is text her back and ask if she "needs any help in the shower
Ball is in your court.
Went on two dates last week with average looking girls but they both weren't feeling it. Now my confidence is kinda low. I think I'm pretty alright looking, and dates almost always go well. Bleh.
Zaraki_Kenpachi
Member
I wonder too :/
Personally, I've found that I Meetup groups feel a bit too clique-ish having gone to a few of them in that it's already an established group where a newcomer has to break their way into the group. That being said, there were cute girls in the meet up group that I went to for Social Anxiety and many people were pretty intelligent whereas some of them were reserved. It's not that hard to make friends within Meetup groups so much as it is consistently going to the group's event to become a regular.
There's nothing wrong with you at all. The last 6 dates I went on with different girls didn't lead anywhere past a first date despite thinking it went all right. It's sucked a bit since it's made me wonder what went wrong but then I accept the fact that it could've been that they set high expectations of me. Although as a result, I've become a bit more cynical as I really haven't been on a date where I've clicked with a girl in a while. I think it might have to do the fact that I've gone out with girls that don't have the same level of interest in producing art as much as appreciating it.
Being Hispanic is tough since women will expect an ideal image of a man only to be disappointed when it turns out to be the opposite of what they expected. Keep on trucking is what I say. They didn't like you for who you are but in the end of the day, there's plenty of other people that do so remind yourself of your positive attributes.
I've come asking for input on something that's not related to online dating. A few days ago I got a cute girl's number who's an aspiring painter after seeing her in the art studios and eventually going to an open class critique with her to get tipsy off wine. She mentioned being baffled by the fact that I'd never been to this one museum near my college despite passing by it dozens of times. She also mentioned that she's gonna fly out home to Florida for the holidays on Tuesday.
Normally I'm pretty bad with getting girls' numbers in person that either my interest or their interest goes down the drain soon after getting it since I either don't text them at all or don't suggest hanging out. I texted her yesterday and we had a brief conversation before she stopped responding which has made question her interest since she reinitialized the conversation from Friday evening. Any way, my question is am I overthinking about it and wait for her to reinitiate it? Or should I hit her up and ask her how long she's gonna be gone for so we can hang out after she gets back, getting to the point in the process? I don't want to drop the ball on this one seeing as we share a common interest in producing art so I feel like I'm overthinking about it. Thanks guys.
ClosingADoor
Member
Can't win all the time. Just keep it up. At least you had two nights out and met some new people, better then staying in
I would just get to the point, don't text too long. You can only keep a texting conversation interesting for so long, so make sure to ask before you both get bored. The museum thing is the perfect thing. "I should really visit it, you want to guide me around when you get back?" Or something in that direction would be what I'd do.
jadedm17
Member
This is something that disappoints me, both from the perspective of having Hispanic, African-American, and many other types of friends who have a hard time finding dates because of their ethnicity(or height, weight, hobbies, etc.) and as someone who loves to go on dates and learn from a wide variety of different people. Having preferences is something I understand but I've seen too many people close off because of silly things.
This is also being said as someone who's 6'0 who has a crush on a girl 6'1 that doesn't like to date shorter guys. I like having an open mind, it's disheartening when I meet people who don't.
Oddly enough, I think I might be okay with being friendzoned right now? Lord knows I don't have a lot of friends in town, and I get the feeling I'd get along well with her circle of mostly-guys. And I'm dating another girl who I really enjoy spending time with, and there's definitely more romance going on there. But it has its own issues entirely.
A single biggest issue is I have no dating experience to draw from. Long story short, I'm almost 30 and my first date ever was two months back. I'm hoping the things this other girl does actually means she likes me. Like, we wouldn't walk up and down the street just talking, eventually doing the goodnight kiss thing, while she agrees to a third date, if she didn't like me...especially with her limited free time
If anyone has a "dude, you're overthinking this, of course she likes you", I could use it.
Also, how important is the activity/location of the date vs just being the best person you can on it? Try my best to pick ideas I think we'd both enjoy, but there's always that fear of bad picking poorly reflecting on me.
Hm, got a like on OKC from a girl with no profile photos, though it says under the 'you should message me if...' bit that she's happy to send out photos via email.
I'm kinda intrigued as we have a decent match % and while her profile doesn't stand out to me it doesn't turn me off either, but not putting up a profile photo seems like a red flag to me, especially since her questions indicate that she thinks physical attraction is super-important. Am I just being paranoid here or should I be treading very carefully?
I'm kinda intrigued as we have a decent match % and while her profile doesn't stand out to me it doesn't turn me off either, but not putting up a profile photo seems like a red flag to me, especially since her questions indicate that she thinks physical attraction is super-important. Am I just being paranoid here or should I be treading very carefully?
davepoobond
you can't put a price on sparks
Seems spammy to me, does the rest of the profile looked filled out and stuff?
Her profile doesn't go into huge amounts of depth but it's filled out with what's she doing in her life and some likes and stuff, and from the way it's written (little asides and details) it seems... genuine, I guess? I honestly have little experience with online dating so I wouldn't know if this was spammy or not.
ClosingADoor
Member
You can shoot a short message, nothing to lose really. Just don't give out your own info. I wouldn't trust it too much.
davepoobond
you can't put a price on sparks
yeah, see what sort of grammar issues they have if any and see if the conversation makes sense when you talk.
TheVampire
Banned
Can someone help me wrap my head around this?
So I had been chatting to this girl on a dating website for 3 or 4 days.
I asked her out for coffee and we were gonna goto a place for our first date but she later changed it and asked if I just wanted to goto her house instead and we could watch a movie.
Well that which kinda surprised me and I thought that meant she maybe wanted sex. Her dating profile also mentioned she recently got out of a 3 year relationship......
So I went to her house, and greeted her (no hug or kiss greeting) and then we went out and got some food, chatted a bit more while waiting and then went back to her place to eat it and watch the movie.
Now the whole time she never really gave me any signals! While we were on the couch watching the movie she didn't lean against me or touch me. It was the first time we had met so it just didn't feel right to try and force a move on her at this point.
At one point I moved a bit closer to her when she got up and went to the kitchen to her but nothing happened.
There was lots of laughing, eye contact and no awkward silences though. We also have alot in common. I did also playfully touch her a few times like on the arm or hand.
I texted her later that night saying I had a good time and enjoyed meeting her and that she had good taste in movies and games and like almost 24hours later she sends a reply saying "cheers."
wtf?
I'm just wondering if I screwed up here? Maybe I should have made a move on her????
Towards the end of the night she mentioned she had to go out and do some late grocery shopping so she was getting ready while the movie was finishing and Im there thinking 'ok its now impossible to make a move without it being weird' What was I supposed to do? Interrupt her getting ready and just grab her and kiss her? That wouldnt seem appropriate.
So I had been chatting to this girl on a dating website for 3 or 4 days.
I asked her out for coffee and we were gonna goto a place for our first date but she later changed it and asked if I just wanted to goto her house instead and we could watch a movie.
Well that which kinda surprised me and I thought that meant she maybe wanted sex. Her dating profile also mentioned she recently got out of a 3 year relationship......
So I went to her house, and greeted her (no hug or kiss greeting) and then we went out and got some food, chatted a bit more while waiting and then went back to her place to eat it and watch the movie.
Now the whole time she never really gave me any signals! While we were on the couch watching the movie she didn't lean against me or touch me. It was the first time we had met so it just didn't feel right to try and force a move on her at this point.
At one point I moved a bit closer to her when she got up and went to the kitchen to her but nothing happened.
There was lots of laughing, eye contact and no awkward silences though. We also have alot in common. I did also playfully touch her a few times like on the arm or hand.
I texted her later that night saying I had a good time and enjoyed meeting her and that she had good taste in movies and games and like almost 24hours later she sends a reply saying "cheers."
wtf?
I'm just wondering if I screwed up here? Maybe I should have made a move on her????
Towards the end of the night she mentioned she had to go out and do some late grocery shopping so she was getting ready while the movie was finishing and Im there thinking 'ok its now impossible to make a move without it being weird' What was I supposed to do? Interrupt her getting ready and just grab her and kiss her? That wouldnt seem appropriate.
It sounds like she wanted sex, and she wanted you to initiate things. Late night grocery shopping being used as an excuse to end the date, as the easiest way to get you to leave is to leave herself.
Gray Matter
Member
So here I am, after countless conversations with myself about "getting out there". Just made my OK Cupid profile. How does this work?
davepoobond
you can't put a price on sparks
yeah, late night grocery shopping...
jadedm17
Member
First date at her house? I'd say she wanted something; You shouldn't force anything but you should have made some move.
I failed in a similar situation years ago, don't worry about it.
So I have a PoF I'm barely on. I decided to sign on today and fix it up a bit, and I get a message from some girl asking if I was down to fuck. She's pretty cure and of course I reply yes, and ask if she is too. She says yea, so I'm like 'ok are you free now'? No reply unfortunately, maybe I came on too strong.
Gray Matter
Member
Came in too strong? Lol, She asked if you wanna have sex first.
kerotan_eater
Banned
In terms of making a move ... its just not an exact science man. In terms of her response .. it was weird.
Gray Matter
Member
So I'm using OKC, and I can't see the people who like me without paying? That doesn't make any sense.
Lone_Prodigy
Member
I suppose you could've brought it up with her: "hey I know we just met but I'm wondering why you'd invite me over for a first date." But honestly you did nothing wrong in that situation: you were uncomfortable with making a move without any signals. Who knows, you could've tried to kiss her and she could've called you out for being so aggressive. I wouldn't worry too much about it.
On the mobile site you can see the date that they "liked" you. See if it matches up with the date they visited your profile. OKC will send you an email (if it's enabled) if you both like each other so you could just like every profile that visits you.
Gray Matter
Member
How do I find that? I can't find it.
So guys, help me out here.
I've been talking to this girl for the better part of two months now. We had a really good date a few weeks ago. We text each other and talk with each other on the phone occasionally. And I get the impression that she's into me and enjoys my company... and it doesn't seem like she's seeing someone else, but I could be wrong on that part.
The issue is that things I plan always get canceled or things come up on her side. I'm mostly a patient person, but I'm truly wondering at what point do I say to myself that this isn't working?
I mean, some of the stuff can be chalked up to the stresses of the holiday season or the year-end crunch or other things. We're both near-middle-aged professionals too. Is this the new normal for dating at 30? Or is there something truly wrong with this picture?
I've been talking to this girl for the better part of two months now. We had a really good date a few weeks ago. We text each other and talk with each other on the phone occasionally. And I get the impression that she's into me and enjoys my company... and it doesn't seem like she's seeing someone else, but I could be wrong on that part.
The issue is that things I plan always get canceled or things come up on her side. I'm mostly a patient person, but I'm truly wondering at what point do I say to myself that this isn't working?
I mean, some of the stuff can be chalked up to the stresses of the holiday season or the year-end crunch or other things. We're both near-middle-aged professionals too. Is this the new normal for dating at 30? Or is there something truly wrong with this picture?
jadedm17
Member
How many times, for what reasons, how advance a notice, etc.? You have a better idea then us. If valid things came up with plenty of notice I wouldn't worry; If she's canceled more than you've gone out with little advance notice then it could be a sign she's stringing you along for attention. This part of year I wouldn't worry too much but if it becomes a bad habit once were into January I'd take notice.
AlmostMilk
Member
Just re-set up my profile since I moved. If anybody could help critique it, would be helpful.
Quote to reveal link to profile.
Quote to reveal link to profile.
Gray Matter
Member
ClosingADoor
Member
I'd take some new pictures. You're pretty inactive in these, so you don't come across as that interesting. Sounds harsh, I know, but pictures are 90% of the game. Take a good one of your face as your main and a few others being out. Make sure the lighting is OK also.
Lone_Prodigy
Member
In Quickmatch click "Who Likes You".
On the one hand, it's been two months and she hasn't bailed yet, which means she likes you enough to keep in touch. Her cancellations may just be really bad luck or timing.
On the other hand, if things should progress to the point that you're dating exclusively, would the cancelling still occur? Is her inability to commit part of a bigger problem? Does she have time for you, and will she make time for you?
To everyone else: we've been talking for over two months, texts or calls every other day or so. Made plans to meet roughly each week, but we've only met once a couple of weeks ago. We kissed so that's a sign?
And that last paragraph sums it up. The initial month or so had relatively more contact, but I can't draw a pattern because the second month was the holiday season.
The hard part is whether this dynamic is the new normal, and if I'm willing to accept it. On the other hand, I could also communicate my concerns, but how do I do that without being accusatory?
Edit: keep in mind that we're both middle aged professionals too...
And that last paragraph sums it up. The initial month or so had relatively more contact, but I can't draw a pattern because the second month was the holiday season.
The hard part is whether this dynamic is the new normal, and if I'm willing to accept it. On the other hand, I could also communicate my concerns, but how do I do that without being accusatory?
Edit: keep in mind that we're both middle aged professionals too...
TheVampire
Banned
Ok so a leading on from a few posts up ^^^^^^^ I actually got a second date with this girl.
As this was the second date I really wanted to show my interest to her and at least try to kiss her and make a move.
We met up at the shops because she got her hair done today. I did a hug greeting and complimented on her hair and said it looked really nice. We walked around the shops and we had planned to go back to her house then go out bowling. However she changed her mind, maybe she was tired or cbf and said to just stay in and watch movie again and get some food delivered.
Well we ate and watched the movie but half way through she kinda passed out / fell asleep because she was tired.....
WTF? How am I supposed to be escalating and making her more comfortable with me when she falls asleep? When the movie ended I tried to wake her up and even suggested that I leave and let her sleep but she wouldn't wake up / respond so I just left. I mean wtf else was there to do????
God damn I had hoped to at least kiss her this second date and show my interest but that obviously didn't happen.
As this was the second date I really wanted to show my interest to her and at least try to kiss her and make a move.
We met up at the shops because she got her hair done today. I did a hug greeting and complimented on her hair and said it looked really nice. We walked around the shops and we had planned to go back to her house then go out bowling. However she changed her mind, maybe she was tired or cbf and said to just stay in and watch movie again and get some food delivered.
Well we ate and watched the movie but half way through she kinda passed out / fell asleep because she was tired.....
WTF? How am I supposed to be escalating and making her more comfortable with me when she falls asleep? When the movie ended I tried to wake her up and even suggested that I leave and let her sleep but she wouldn't wake up / respond so I just left. I mean wtf else was there to do????
God damn I had hoped to at least kiss her this second date and show my interest but that obviously didn't happen.
ClosingADoor
Member
Ehm... she is still alive right?
No seriously. I don't know what you should have done. It is kind of strange.
If you are still interested, just text her and she'll probably apologize and set up a new date.
jadedm17
Member
You should have pretended to steal her tv to see if she was faking; If she wasn't then actually steal it.
NihonTiger90
Member
Online dating GAF: if you come across an old friend on OKC (by old, I haven't seen/talked to them in over a year; by friend, it's someone who I've hung out with before but we weren't super-close) and the site says you're a very good match ... Is it still a good idea to just block them and put them out of sight, out of mind? I think it's probably too awkward to explain.
Buckethead
Banned
I have a tentative date this evening. I don't know how to do casual/NSA stuff.
Someone give me the cliff notes. hahah
Someone give me the cliff notes. hahah
NihonTiger90
Member
Take a deep breath, friend Buckethead, and as the Godgers says: R-E-L-A-X.
Just keep it cool, let the conversation flow naturally, but if you can have a few things to discuss thought of in advance, it'll help things out.