Red_taiyaki
Member
I know it's a cliche, but you just gotta focus on the positives and trust the process. Easy to say, hard to do.
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Online Dating |OT| Please Respond
- Thread starter Jhoan
- Start date
I know it's a cliche, but you just gotta focus on the positives and trust the process. Easy to say, hard to do.
Exploding8
Member
Going back to my profile, I decided to mix things up and add some frame stories to my profile, if any one feels like critiquing it again it's http://www.okcupid.com/profile/exploding789
Can't decide if the stories make it look like I'm trying too hard or not. Either way I had fun writing them though xD. Let me know if I should delete them.
Can't decide if the stories make it look like I'm trying too hard or not. Either way I had fun writing them though xD. Let me know if I should delete them.
Lone_Prodigy
Member
.
People overblow the prevalence of spam/bot accounts. If they try and immediately direct you to something else to talk, just block and report. I've actually seen less bots lately.
Lone_Prodigy
Member
I follow these two rules of thumb:
1. Always swipe right. If you match with someone you're not interested in, unmatch later. You can even do something else while swiping blindly. Unfortunately this makes things difficult for women as they will match with everyone, but that's the inequity of online dating for you.
2. Always message and ask to meet up ASAP. You're competing with others for one person's attention. Don't get unmatched because you waited too long/don't know what to say (and yes, "hi how are you" does work on occasion).
A Human Becoming
More than a Member
You seem pretty good looking to me Windam. Tinder sucks.
You've heard correctly. From my own personal experience, 60% of the 'people' who match you are spam accounts/bots, and on the rare occasion you do match a genuine girl, they never seem to reply. That said, a girl who I matched months ago randomly messaged me on there last night asking how I was, then gave me her number. It really is just luck o' the draw on Tinder.
No success on OKCupid (where they made me a mod for being such a "loyal user" ._. before I deleted my account), or in real life (actually talking to people), either.
A Human Becoming
More than a Member
Eh, the moderator process is a joke. I'm no good at actually talking to people either.
Some people say success is entirely about confidence: how even fat bald guys can get smoking hot models. You have other people who believing in sticking to your league. I think it falls somewhere in the middle. It's not entirely about looks, but they do matter. You have control over your presentation, such a dressing nicely, being in good shape, and facial features outside of plastic surgery, but you can do a lot more with your attitude.
Don't attribute failure to your appearance. If it bothers you, work on those thing I mentioned, but realize even great looking people have shitty relationships. Get more practice talking to people and try new approaches.
I need to take my own advice.
Btw, were you the guy who made the wire frame photos of that woman who puked and fell asleep on Evilore's bed? If so, you're a funny guy, utilize it!
Eh, I'm kinda shy, but I'm definitely not the shyest guy around. If there's someone I want to talk to, I will. Even if I'm not very confident going in, I can mask it well enough to get the other person comfortable, knock a few jokes out and get their number easily. I also do pay attention to what I wear (more than the average guy, but this is mostly for me and what I feel comfortable in; what I feel is "me") and always try to look presentable (hair styled etc.), so I doubt that's the problem; lots of people have complimented my style (I also get dudes, and sometimes, though rarely, a girl, that I know ask me for fashion advice). My body I don't like so much; I'm skinny and I have a very high metabolism. I can eat whatever I want, whenever I want, and however much of it I want, and not put on any weight. This is good for things like junk food, but when you want to put on weight, it really sucks.
Once I get the number, it pretty much just fizzles out from there. Last time was in the summer; thought we hit it off (got off a few jokes, she made some back, playful attitude etc.), got the number, asked her (CASUALLY) to coffee sometime, naturally she said she wasn't looking for anything serious. Meh, I don't care, you're pretty cool anyway, I'm cool with being a friend. Then she proceeded to ignore me completely. At that point I just wondered why even give out your number?
Then of course, I've encountered the girls that immediately make it clear they're not even interested in making a new friend/acquaintance. Try to make small chat and they just shut it down completely.
Also, I have no idea what you're talking about, but I am pretty funny (if I do say so myself *ahem*).
Troubled Bat
Member
So, I'm talking to an older woman.. I'm not sure where this is going to go. I feel she shouldn't be interested in me because of all the things she's done, and what she's likes to do. I'm not worthy!
Rest
All these years later I still chuckle at what a fucking moron that guy is.
Found an awesome match, was about to send a message, but she hasn't logged in in six months. I guess maybe that gives me time to try and come up with a great message...
She's far away too. I don't know about that.
She's far away too. I don't know about that.
Juke Joint Jezebel
Member
Sad but true, I recently jumped back onto the online dating wagon for a short spell a few weeks ago, even with this half-arsed image of myself and a bare-bones profile and description and I got over a dozen messages a day from fellas At that rate, I can see why some of us can get overwhelmed and not bother to reply back, but I just find that a bit rude personally, if a guy takes the time to message you and show interest, then I at least have the common decency to at least message them back in a decent timeframe showing whether I'm interested or not. Made me realize again after a long time away just how the dating scene in general is skewed in our favour both online and offline.
Face the camera, frame it from at least the shoulders up, and wear an expression you think people would find appealing, or that makes you more photogenic, heck even compare and ask what your friends think is a better shot. None of that angled selfie shit that every body seems to be doing these days, that's like, an instant attention loser for me, it's unnatural and unrealistic. But mind you I'm not all women so what do I know? Haha!
A Human Becoming
More than a Member
I dig the hair. Cute!Sad but true, I recently jumped back onto the online dating wagon for a short spell a few weeks ago, and even with this half-arsed image of myself and a bare-bones profile and description and I got over a dozen messages a day from fellas At that rate, I can see why some of us can get overwhelmed and not bother to reply back, but I just find that a bit rude personally, if a guy takes the time to message you and show interest, then I at least have the common decency to at least message them back in a decent timeframe showing whether I'm interested or not. Made me realize again after a long time away just how the dating scene in general is skewed in our favour both online and offline.
Nothing I can say about that since I'm awful at relationship maintenance, romantic or not.
I wish I had found a woman to marry in college.
So, just to give you guys an update on what happened last week: she's sorting out some major issues at the moment, but still wants me in her life for support. On the other hand, she doesn't want me to wait around for her either.
So yeah, while I'm not waiting around for her either, I'm strangely not interested in looking for dates right now. Logged back into the usual dating sites, nothing caught my eye. No one at the bookstore or anywhere either. And I'm surprisingly okay with it.
So yeah, while I'm not waiting around for her either, I'm strangely not interested in looking for dates right now. Logged back into the usual dating sites, nothing caught my eye. No one at the bookstore or anywhere either. And I'm surprisingly okay with it.
BIGWORM
Member
Friend Zone. If that's not what you want, get out.
I got four messages on OKCupid last night from four different women. Great, I think. They're all attractive, between 20-30, and very local. What could go wrong, I think to myself. I click their profiles and it all becomes apparent. They're all dominatrixes looking for a 'slave' to obey them. Nope, bail out.
Do you look like a simp or something? Very strange to get four consecutive messages from doms.
Nah, and my profile doesn't make me sound like a pushover, either.
Not even the question about letting your partner put a collar on you?
LOL in any other circumstance I would say that too, but I actually know for a fact that I'm not
stn
Member
"Don't wait around for me" is pretty much a nice way of saying you should go meet other people.
I didn't think it meant that kind of collar.
Exploding8
Member
LOL in any other circumstance I would say that too, but I actually know for a fact that I'm not
Being in the friends with benefits zone doesn't usually turn out much better than the friend zone in my experience, though it's nice for a while
Lone_Prodigy
Member
I disagree with this. I used to think the opposite (if you're not interested then say so) until I actually got one of those messages.
"Hi thanks for your message but you're not my type. Sorry!"
Maybe she could've phrased it differently but her message annoyed me. If she determined I wasn't her type from a short profile and a picture, then she's pretty shallow. She doesn't know me, what right did she have to judge me?
Sometimes silence is the best response: it provides no reason for someone to get upset.
electricshake
Member
Haha you'd be surprised, I received a couple of dickish 2nd messages from some guys because I hadn't replied to their first.
Exploding8
Member
I'd say the 20 other messages she got that day probably gave her the right. She didn't owe you a chance, what right do you have to expect one? Do you really expect her to give every single person that messages her a serious chance?
I'd much rather someone tell me they're not interested than have us match and keep me wondering after I message. I've learned to expect nothing though; makes it more of a pleasant surprise when I do get a response
Oh, I totally agree. It's just that I suddenly find myself at a stage of my life where dating isn't that big of a priority anymore. It's kind of strange (and liberating), actually.
And unlike my previous bouts, it's not borne of frustration or disappointment but rather some positive thing that clicked internally.
LOL definitely not friends with benefits. First and foremost, I'm trying to be a friend first, because I genuinely care about her and what she's going through. If a relationship happens, then so be it.
ClosingADoor
Member
Ehm... You are doing the same thing when picking the girls you message or not. Also go by picture and a short description. She has every right, just like you do and are doing with every girl on there.
Red_taiyaki
Member
Yah, although I never received it myself I once made the stupid mistake of trying to casually do this to a girl who messaged me. While I admit that she's not my type, it made me feel like a jerk. So lesson learned, I just stay silent now...
Granted, sometimes I just drop out in the middle of a conversation for no good reason other than I'm not really feeling it without ever responding back. Which is why I can't really get mad when girls do it to me.
Pretty much is here in Toronto. Either bots or girls looking for a quick laugh.
I've gotten quite good at spotting the ones in my area (Zurich, Switzerland). Always 3 pics, all of them selfies, no profile bio and a vaguely english name.
Juke Joint Jezebel
Member
Thanks! Fortunately my hair is naturally thick and wavy so it doesn't take much effort to maintain! Just conditioner THEN shampoo and a towel dry. Hate the way the photo emphasises my pale complexion though, blech!
God, I could never do that! I just have to reply instead of blanking people! I always try to think about how I would react. I always respect, and think more of a person who sends a precise, and to the point response back more, instead of waiting around thinking "Is he going to reply? I hope he does! He seemed nice from his profile!" for a few days straight before getting frustrated.
Some of my friends who also have a dating profile get really upset when somebody doens't bother at least acknowledging them.
Troubled Bat
Member
So.. I now have her number.
This is me right now: ⊙﹏⊙
This is me right now: ⊙﹏⊙
Exploding8
Member
Your complexion is fine
Conditioner and then shampoo? I thought it was usually the other way around. Am I conditioning my beard wrong? T.T
Juke Joint Jezebel
Member
Totally depends on the person and their hair. For some people, like me, the conditioner before shampoo technique works wonders, and for others it's make their hair worse. Adds so much more volume and bounce if it does work!
On the subject of it working on beards, I have a history of dating men with long thick hair, and long thick beards, but they usually just shampoo'd their beards and rinsed so I'm not sure if it'd work. Worth a try at least once I guess. Give me a full report if you do!
This really grinds my gears. If's perfectly acceptable to not be interested in someone, but at least have the decency to acknowledge them and let them know. I reply to 99% of my messages, even the ones I'm not interested in. The only messages I won't reply to are obvious spambots, foreigners who don't speak English, and people who have fuck all on their profile.
Send out my first message on Okcupid. Not that special for most but I was lurking OkCupid the last year with an empty profile. Recreated my account and filled in some stuff. Not a lot but I still might update it from time to time. Recently added a profile picture and a picture of me in my Airsoft gear. Bit to portray my hobby.
Anyway, I was still lurking around the last months. A girl created an account today with a filled up profile. She suddenly showed up as my highest match so I checked her out. Pretty much a geek like me (though I'm somewhat less) but still very interesting! Lot's of common interests and such. She mentioned an illness that isn't curable so I'm not sure what's that about.
I'd gave her a shot as my first message to someone! Asking about Star Wars vs Star Trek and what the name of the local gaming store is she mentioned in what she does Friday.
Nothing special and fancy but it's my first step into online dating. I'll update if needed.
Anyway, I was still lurking around the last months. A girl created an account today with a filled up profile. She suddenly showed up as my highest match so I checked her out. Pretty much a geek like me (though I'm somewhat less) but still very interesting! Lot's of common interests and such. She mentioned an illness that isn't curable so I'm not sure what's that about.
I'd gave her a shot as my first message to someone! Asking about Star Wars vs Star Trek and what the name of the local gaming store is she mentioned in what she does Friday.
Nothing special and fancy but it's my first step into online dating. I'll update if needed.
Troubled Bat
Member
Ugh.. I hate when I get no questions at all. I'm the one always asking things.
davepoobond
you can't put a price on sparks
That shit is terrible. I stop replying to people who do that after 3 or 4 messages.
If they don't ask questions back but are answering, then I'll just ask for a number. Some people are just much better in person.
User 479360
Banned
I was bored today, so I decided to go through a bunch of profiles and like any girl that seemed interesting and cute, and lived locally. I haven't been in a relationship in my life, and haven't even kissed a girl in almost 11 years.
I'm not someone they see as attractive or confident/stable and it's my fault, too, because of my mental issues that I let get in the way.
One has liked me back so far, but when I tried talking to her I just didn't know what to say. We sent a few messages and then it just stopped, as she didn't respond to my last question. That usually happens. I'm a nice, caring person who would be a gentleman if given the chance, but I don't have much personality.
I'm not someone they see as attractive or confident/stable and it's my fault, too, because of my mental issues that I let get in the way.
One has liked me back so far, but when I tried talking to her I just didn't know what to say. We sent a few messages and then it just stopped, as she didn't respond to my last question. That usually happens. I'm a nice, caring person who would be a gentleman if given the chance, but I don't have much personality.
jimmypython
Member
what's up with Tinder or myself lately...
matched with at least 15 real people but ALL of them unmatched me shortly after....the rest were just bots.....lol
matched with at least 15 real people but ALL of them unmatched me shortly after....the rest were just bots.....lol
A Human Becoming
More than a Member
It's okay being pale.
Man, I expected better results on Plenty of Fish. So far it's been worse than OkCupid!