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Online Dating |OT| Please Respond
- Thread starter Jhoan
- Start date
Got talking to this girl on OKC. She's 18, from London, is fit as fuck, and wants to fuck me. She tells me everything she wants to do to me. We swap numbers. I call her, she answers. She says she needs to tell me something. The reason she can afford to live in an apartment and not be in debt at uni? She's a motherfucking porn star. Or adult entertainer. A porn star either way.
notsureifwant.jpg
notsureifwant.jpg
Maximum trolling?
BeatResetsTheWorld
Banned
Exploding8
Member
Dude. At least give it a shot. Worst comes to worst you get to have a story about how you slept with a fucking porn star. Like seriously.
Troubled Bat
Member
You better jump on that wagon! Then make a thread later on with all juicy details, and brag.
Man, new profile pic is paying dividends. Lots more messages. Most of them are from Southeast Asia and are just visa fishing, but still, better than nothing.
I'm gonna ask the thing everyone's wondering - who is she? If she's a porn star, shouldn't be hard to see her technique online...
I'm gonna ask the thing everyone's wondering - who is she? If she's a porn star, shouldn't be hard to see her technique online...
A Human Becoming
More than a Member
Real talk GAF: Am I a loser and should I get my life together to a certain degree before seeking a relationship?
The problem I see with waiting is I will not get more experience dating and my threshold could be too high. Feel free to ask any questions.
- I am 26-years-old
- I have a Bachelor's Degree
- I live with my parents
- I have not worked in over a year
- I stopped working to focus on graduate school
- It does not look like I will finish graduate school
- I'm in the process of applying for disability
- I've been dealing with mental illness for years, specifically depression and social anxiety
- Working with people is difficult because of the discomfort
- I don't socialize much
- I have few close friends
- I've been treated for 6 years
- I have low self-esteem and body image
- If I finish my graduate degree, I plan on leaving my parents house to move to a major city
- If I don't I'm considering taking my chances on writing
The problem I see with waiting is I will not get more experience dating and my threshold could be too high. Feel free to ask any questions.
She's going to a hella lot of effort for the sake of trolling.
I suppose but, like, I don't know.
It'd be like throwing a sausage down an alleyway.
I asked her but apparently the stuff she doesn't is readily available online. She works for a 'private adult entertainment firm' who she's done 4 films for, but each one has quite a few retakes. Welp.
I'd been meaning to respond to this post. Apparently a few hours after I posted that, she ended up unmatching me since I took too long to message her lol.
Also got unmatched for using using a line that begins with "I got bad news" before launching into an absurd story. I guess she thought it was serious/juvenile that she wasn't a good sarcasm detective (it didn't help that I forgot to put a wink).
I'll keep that in mind for future reference so thanks.
Sounds a lot like the situation I find myself in now (same age for one) save for a few differences. You're welcome to PM me. Remember that you're not alone in this and many people are in a similar situation, if not in a worse situation so do be grateful for what you have.
I will say is that if you think you're a loser, it's going to reflect in your behavior and personality as it's a self-fulfilling prophecy. I don't have much of a social life going on lately by virtue of being stingy and trying to save money so I usually text a bunch of friends to catch up. That said, I don't consider myself to be a loser despite all that even if I don't lead an interesting life. If girls aren't cool with the fact that you still live at home, then they can take a hike.
I think you should definitely use the time while under disability/parents to save up money before moving out, figure stuff out, and definitely work on improving yourself as a person e.g. by hitting the gym regularly, dressing in form fitting clothes, finishing your Masters program, and doing little things outside your comfort zone such as going to poetry readings, etc. I would recommend checking out Shyness by Dr. Phillip Zimbardo since it's a damn good book for low self-esteem as it has exercises as well as The Social Anxiety Workbook.
If anything, instead of seeking a relationship you should definitely be seeking to meet new friends. It's important to have a support group/a group of friends you regularly keep in contact with to keep you going.
A popular misconception that people have about aggressively seeking a relationship is that it's going to solve their loneliness and give them something to do each week when in the end of the day, it makes things worse. Why not date for fun and look for something casual? Also, why not try lowering your standards and keeping an open mind? I think it's a balance; if you stop talking to women for a period of time, you forget how to flirt and get rusty; if you date often, it can be financially draining and mentally overwhelming especially if you're constantly getting dead ends which is something that you learn to develop a thick skin for and shrug it off.
I always suggest doing volunteer work to meet new people even though I understand you have issues working with others. I've met a ton of people through doing that and working in conventions as well as through GAF since there's a ton of great people here.
BeatResetsTheWorld
Banned
So I think I changed something on my profile and now I'm in a rut. I used to a get a good share of responses, now I get almost none, but I get a ton of profile visits off of my first messages. Is there something egregiously wrong with my profile? Am I ugly?
Some critiques would be appreciated!
Some critiques would be appreciated!
davepoobond
you can't put a price on sparks
You look fine, mate, and your bio reads nicely. But like Dave said, you pretty much call yourself a queen in the second paragraph. That won't attract the women, fo' sure.
BeatResetsTheWorld
Banned
I thought most people would get the joke...but I'll remove it!
davepoobond
you can't put a price on sparks
I got the joke, but its not an appropriate joke for a dating profile.
Unless you are actually a queen.
It just makes people question your sexuality
How much thought do you guys put into what your messages say? I am prone to overthinking it so lately I'm trying to force myself to just type and send whatever comes out and hopefully that'll be a more accurate representation of my personality and the other person won't expect fucking perfection.
God this shit makes me so anxious.
God this shit makes me so anxious.
davepoobond
you can't put a price on sparks
After writing hundreds of them it sort of doesnt matter as long as its some sort of question.. If they are interested they will answer. I try to scan their profile at least a little bit for something that sticks out to me.
I don't think you should take the time to put too much thought into well crafted messages or bother jumping through a girl's hoops if she lists say liking cheesy pick up lines on her profile. It'll only drive you more insane and frustrate you. My friend texted me this Simple Pick Up video on what not to say on Tinder about a week ago or so: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=getHgCC6eAE
I tried a couple of the messages that they suggested in the above video including the aforementioned "I have bad news" for fun and it's hit or miss; some girls will respond to it well; others won't so I don't agree with them entirely. I think a neutral message such as "How's your weekend going" or "What's the story behind that picture" works just as well for me.
I think that in the end of the day if a girl likes your pictures, she'll respond no matter how unoriginal, neutral, or cheesy the message is.
I've been finding recently that cheesy, little chat-up lines work wonders. It's a good ice breaker and gives them a little giggle. 8 out of 10 will reply, at least in my experience. I've been using "On a scale of one to ten, I'd rate you as a nine. I'm the one you need..." on a few and they loved it. Give them a cheeky wink, too, if you're feeling brave.
This, basically. I've been getting about a 50% success rating in terms of replies lately, which I'm quite pleased with.
In what way?
A Human Becoming
More than a Member
Thanks for this thoughtful reply. I don't think I'm a loser, but how others perceive me does affect relationships prospects. The thought came to me from a comment by Salamando.
I've been going to the gym since the end of last year. Haven't made progress with weight loss yet, but I've had success running. If I can get better control over my binge eating and eat less it will come.
I am trying to do things outside my comfort zone. Talking to women online is outside my comfort zone. I just joined a group on Meet Up that I HOPE this time I can get my friend to go with me. Going by myself would be too uncomfortable. Thanks for the book recommendations: I'll buy at least one.
When I was in high school I definitely thought having a girlfriend would solve my problems. I've matured since then and am mostly looking for something casual, at least on POF. I've had zero luck so far just trying to make female friends on there, which I would be happy to have since I only have one I'm close to who lives on the other side of the country. I am growing thicker skin, but not even being given the chance to become friends with hits harder than dating.
How tall are you?
Thanks for this thoughtful reply. I don't think I'm a loser, but how others perceive me does affect relationships prospects. The thought came to me from a comment by Salamando.
I've been going to the gym since the end of last year. Haven't made progress with weight loss yet, but I've had success running. If I can get better control over my binge eating and eat less it will come.
I am trying to do things outside my comfort zone. Talking to women online is outside my comfort zone. I just joined a group on Meet Up that I HOPE this time I can get my friend to go with me. Going by myself would be too uncomfortable. Thanks for the book recommendations: I'll buy at least one.
When I was in high school I definitely thought having a girlfriend would solve my problems. I've matured since then and am mostly looking for something casual, at least on POF. I've had zero luck so far just trying to make female friends on there, which I would be happy to have since I only have one I'm close to who lives on the other side of the country. I am growing thicker skin, but not even being given the chance to become friends with hits harder than dating.
How tall are you?
Shit man, I'm sorry. I hope you didn't take it too personally. I mostly meant it to illustrate that you might have a hard time. With the torrent of messages women receive, they have to weed out people somehow, and a job is definitely one of them.
On the last page you wrote out a list of everything wrong with you. Why don't you make one detailing everything right? If you start telling yourself "I have shit worth offering others", and play that up, you'll increase your luck.
Personal story time - at 26, I wasn't in a much better position than you. By BMI, I was downright obese, I was living with my sister in my parent's old house, and I hadn't so much as gone on a date with someone...ever. Everything changed once I moved out. Living in that house, my mind reverted back to the place it was when I was in high school, and that was not a good place. Moving out kickstarted my brain into thinking that I was ready to advance my life. And when you control the groceries, it's easier to keep out empty calories. Fast forward to now, I've lost 60 pounds, I go on dates with girls regularly, and I've learned that I'm worth a damn. It's easier to have thick skin once you realize you have something to offer the ladies...and if they don't want it, their loss.
I fucking hate it when they leave you with a closed response. It's an automatic conversation killer. If you have the gift of the gab, great. If not - well, plenty more fish on Plenty Of Fish.
Rest
All these years later I still chuckle at what a fucking moron that guy is.
Man, some of the people it thinks I like scare me. I have a 90% match with someone who describes themself as an "Anarcho-Womanist" and an "'apocaloptomist.'"
She (or maybe not she, as she's got a bunch of addenda about gender in her gender description) does watch wrestling though, so I guess she/he/it/they/mayonnaise can't be all bad.
Edit: I missed that she wants to abolish the police, so that's a 100% nope crazy person.
She (or maybe not she, as she's got a bunch of addenda about gender in her gender description) does watch wrestling though, so I guess she/he/it/they/mayonnaise can't be all bad.
Edit: I missed that she wants to abolish the police, so that's a 100% nope crazy person.
Really annoying. Worst yet is when they'll send you a long message, but not ask anything back after your initial question, not even a "what about you?" or "what did/do you think?" etc. Seems like I get a lot of girls like that to reply, and it inevitably leads nowhere.
A Human Becoming
More than a Member
No problem, I didn't take it personally. It was more that I questioned if other people here and women would see me a loser.
I do have things to offer, I'm just a very humble person for one. I'm not going to say I'm unique, because everyone is unique in their own way, I just don't see myself appealing to a lot of women. It's not because I'm ugly or an asshole, I just don't hold mainstream interests like sports and heavy drinking. Of course there's women I do hold interests with, but I'm a weirdo: even my mother has told me that.
Another way to look at it is by comparing myself to my friend, who recently got engaged. My friend is a self-declared goth. You can say that label is childish, but he very much fits into that scene: vampires, black clothing, goth music (whatever that is), etc. I even bring him to a bar once in a while for "goth night". I see it as him appealing to less women overall than me, but more to a particularly group. When I go through OkCupid I often find women his type. He met his fiance through a website where people roleplay as characters from entertainment like television, books, etc. Now that's a niche!
Myself on the other hand don't fit evenly into a group. Of course not everyone does so cleanly as him, but onto being outside the norm, weird and in between two sub-cultures (I'll explain next), I'm not sure who I appeal to. Growing up I was a geek: video games, anime and computers. Around 2011 I started getting into activism, protesting and such. Starting in 2013 I moved significantly away from the gaming side. By that time I wasn't as involved in activism. I guess you could say I'm in a bit of an identity crisis. I see it more as not being sure who I am compatible with. I don't know what my type is.
I had been away from my parents for 8 months during graduate school. I was going on dates but honestly the scenery change did not improve my condition as much as I hoped it would. I did not want to move back in, but everything fell apart last May. Luckily my mind did not resort back because I have changed enough and thankfully the living conditions are much better than when I was younger. I boss my parents around now.
I get what you're saying though. I do think women miss out by not giving me a chance, I was just wondering if maybe I really did need to wait because my current situation worked too much against me.
Rest
All these years later I still chuckle at what a fucking moron that guy is.
But I don't know if it's her gender, like I said it's not very clear.
A Human Becoming
More than a Member
On a related note, I just came across an OkCupid profile where the about me had this:
She also lists her orientation as Sapiosexual, which I did not know what that was until I googled it.
The first thing on the "You should message me if" section is:
I found this very dismissive and sent her a message about it since I no longer care about being friends/having a relationship.
Dryad? So she's like a green forest woman?
*memories of Witcher 1's swamp*
Uggh. Not even the nekkid green women and the dryad sex card were enough payment for that hell.
A Human Becoming
More than a Member
That went through my mind, but I wasn't sure if that wasn't another label I hadn't heard of. After seeing the google thing at the bottom I didn't care.
I also didn't know Aspie was short for Aspergers.
A Human Becoming
More than a Member
GAF, I'm 0/8 so far on POF. Please help me with my profile.
5' 6"
She got heated and misinterpreted everything I was saying, even when I'd try to make peace and near the end of our conversation said "You're too short for me anyways."
stn
Member
Remove pics 2-4. Take one more pic in the style of #1 (i.e. you smiling). Here's a part from the blurb you wrote...
Remove the goofy part, remove the nice guy part. The word "nice guy" seems to be interpreted by people in the wrong way, don't risk it. Take out the part about "just being friends", it comes off as lacking confidence. Calling yourself a nice guy and then saying its okay to be friends is going to put you in the "I'm very passive" pool, you don't want that. Take out the whole last part starting with "If you consider...", it places a burden on women and will either annoy them or intimidate them. I'll try to think of some more ideas...A Human Becoming said:
Got back on Tinder Saturday. There was a girl I got matched with I found pretty so yesterday, in the morning, I talked to her and it went well. There was clearly, at least text-wise, some sort of connection. She messaged me waaaay more than I did and looked almost excited.
The problem is she speaks only English. You might found that absurd, but I'm absolutely not fluent at all when I speak this language (I'm from Quebec where the majority speaks French). I didn't know what to respond to her last comment since it wasn't a question like the others so I kept it like that until I found something clever to say and I wasn't sure anymore if I wanted to ask her out because of the language barrier. Last night I went on Facebook, found her and, well, said "Oh my fucking god" out loud. I felt intimidated with how she looks like and what she does for a living.
I decided to go check this morning to try to find something to say and she wasn't on my list anymore (she was last night).
I'm so pissed right now. Shouldn't have waited so much for a number I guess?
The problem is she speaks only English. You might found that absurd, but I'm absolutely not fluent at all when I speak this language (I'm from Quebec where the majority speaks French). I didn't know what to respond to her last comment since it wasn't a question like the others so I kept it like that until I found something clever to say and I wasn't sure anymore if I wanted to ask her out because of the language barrier. Last night I went on Facebook, found her and, well, said "Oh my fucking god" out loud. I felt intimidated with how she looks like and what she does for a living.
I decided to go check this morning to try to find something to say and she wasn't on my list anymore (she was last night).
I'm so pissed right now. Shouldn't have waited so much for a number I guess?
A Human Becoming
More than a Member
Lone_Prodigy
Member
This is too generic and vague. Everyone and their dog has this in their profile. Be specific and unique. For example:
"When I'm not at my job at Disney World, I'm browsing Groupon for my next adventure. Over the past few months I've shot arrows Hunger Games style (don't worry I didn't kill anyone), screamed like a little girl while bungee jumping, and Skidooed through shark-infested waters. But I'm just as comfortable spending evenings sitting on the couch watching trashy rom-coms in my pajamas with a giant tub of organic ice cream (it's healthy).
Feel free to message me if you want a Groupon referral link, have a movie suggestion, or want to perform that famous William Tell scene. I'd love to hear from you (plus I love apples)."
Exaggerations aside, the above makes one sound well-rounded, interesting, and humourous.
Lone_Prodigy
Member
Don't be discouraged. I never had any luck on POF myself and 0/8 is not uncommon. You should also not keep track of that number. Read, send, next.
Tried that a few times today. Got a couple of numbers and a lunch date for Wednesday. Being forward works wonders.
A Human Becoming
More than a Member
It was hard not to notice being 7/17 on OkCupid. I'm not sure all of those were read either! I was 25/73 on my old profile.
It just sounds like I fucked up royally. I thought guys were suppose to be more generic, especially if you're a weirdo like me who is unintentionally funny.
Yay or nay on making a new profile?
People don't want to waste time on Tinder. Besides, you never know if the person will delete the app, never check the app the next day, or get bombarded with messages.
Awful pickup line I used actually elicited a response! Although it was just "Hahahaha you're cute
Just ask how's her day so far.
That certainly seems the case with Tinder. I might have to start being more assertive on OKC too, see if I can get the same level of results. All too often I've seen girls deactivate on OKC, with me losing out on getting their number or securing a date. The time for change is now.
As someone who very rarely uses POF, what is this 0/8 stuff?
Zaraki_Kenpachi
Member
You seriously messaged someone to bitch about you not liking their profile?