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[Arsenic Yellow]

I feel like last time I used OkCupid travelling was the fashionable buzzword, this time it's going to the gym.

When is taking things as easy as possible going to be fashionable dammit!

The "outdoors" seems to be the big thing in New England. Also everyone has beards and flannel... Where are my skinny artist guys who shave?

 

[GrizzNKev]

The "outdoors" seems to be the big thing in New England. Also everyone has beards and flannel... Where are my skinny artist guys who shave?

In Seattle, everyone is a hiker or explorer of some kind.

As someone who can't really grow substantial facial hair, it's stressful knowing I can't compete with the effortlessly fashionable men. Not that I care to be fashionable, but I love attention and know my relative lack of manliness means I'll probably be overlooked.

 

[Mr. Sam]

Every profile I clicked on last night seemed to be women who love travelling and living in different countries. I'd rather go out with someone who stayed in one place, frankly.

 

[scotcheggz]

In Seattle, everyone is a hiker or explorer of some kind.

As someone who can't really grow substantial facial hair, it's stressful knowing I can't compete with the effortlessly fashionable men. Not that I care to be fashionable, but I love attention and know my relative lack of manliness means I'll probably be overlooked.

Aha! I can relate man, My facial hair is a travesty. I'm a hairstylist so for a long while I felt like the only stylist without a beard or full sleeve tattoos. That's passed thankfully. I'm still gunning for heroine-chic to make a comeback!

Also, which gaffer (I assume gaffer since they were from the US) visited me and was a 99% match? I was like yeh, gaffer, high five!

EDIT: Oh wait it was this one vvv. High five AY!

 

[Symphonia]

Good idea! I know my pictures aren't the most flattering, I tend to shy away from pictures in general. Anyways here's my profile as an email link: http://www.okcupid.com/profile/orpimentpigment

Your pictures look more than fine to me, AY. I love the one of you sat in front of the projected image. Very cool indeed. And the profile itself reads well. You should have guys all over you.

 

[Nether!]

Is Tinder just for DTFs?

In my experience/area that's maybe 1% of the people using it - everyone else is using it for dating.

I once met up with a woman who was trying to use it as a hookup site - I didn't know that's what she was looking for, but I should have guessed when she said she wanted to meet at the whole foods bathroom.
I was absolutely not interested in hooking up so I just spent the 15 minutes before she left turning all the "sexy" things she was trying to say into awful conversation.

 

[Arsenic Yellow]

Your pictures look more than fine to me, AY. I love the one of you sat in front of the projected image. Very cool indeed. And the profile itself reads well. You should have guys all over you.

Thank! Most of the pictures I have are either when I'm performing or I'm drinking. I decided to include most of the former. And thanks! Most guys my age on okc are very accomplished. It's super intimidating when you're poor grad student about to graduate and no real jobs or prospects lined up. All their profiles are super witty too, talk about pressure!

 

[Symphonia]

Thank! Most of the pictures I have are either when I'm performing or I'm drinking. I decided to include most of the former. And thanks! Most guys my age on okc are very accomplished. It's super intimidating when you're poor grad student about to graduate and no real jobs or prospects lined up. All their profiles are super witty too, talk about pressure!

I know what you mean. I took a look through the profiles of men in my local area, to get an idea of what competition I have, and I honestly don't stand a chance. They are so much more interesting than me. My pictures look shit too. I was close to just giving up. But then, out of nowhere, I started talking to my current date. A short conversation and three dates later, and we're still going strong. I say it all comes down to confidence. You have nothing to worry about though. For comparison, this is my profile. Quote to see it.


>Click<

 

[Exploding8]

After a short term dating mishap within my outer social circle, I've decided to cave in and make an ok cupid profile to hopefully meet new guys in the area I've realized how incredibly hard it is to come off as unique and charming through my profile. Getting creepy texts all day, I wonder where the normal guys are? Maybe I'm too picky, as I only look towards guys that don't reply often, as I assume the ones that do aren't picky and super thirsty?

I recently caved in reached out to my first guy instead of waiting for these messages, exchanged few texts back and forth. Seems to not be the best at small talk (he even mentioned it in his profile), but we have a lot in common; graphic designer (I'm an artist), he loves horror movies, and an avid cider/hard liquor drinker. We have a date on Tuesday, just drinks and pizza.

I guess I'm just surprised by the lack of receiving any interesting messages. I'm naturally a pretty aggressive person, will go after whatever I want and have no problem asking men out, but I tend to pick less dominant/ aggressive// social guys and am looking to try something new. Is it unrealistic to expect to receive normal and not completely inappropriate or creepy messages?

It's funny, as a guy I used to think girls have it easier with online dating even though they have to deal with all those messages. But recently I've realized it's just difficult in a different way for girls. For guys we have to learn to deal with constant rejection, and we have to learn to take risks knowing they likely won't pan out. For girls you have to wade through piles of shit to find anyone decent.

I would say the best thing for you to do is browse matches and message people with profiles you find appealing. I can almost guarantee you'll get a response. Otherwise, you'll just have to wait for someone to message you who manages to not sound like a jackass while also managing to be interesting (a tough thing to pull off)

Also I haven't used them but I'm pretty sure there's tools for blocking and reporting people if they keep messaging you, like creepy have my baby guy 0.o

 

[Mr. Sam]

Here's a question: who lists gaming as one of their hobbies on their profile or, better yet, lists their favourite games in their "favourite ______" section?

I decided to steer clear of it, ignoring the advice of a female friend. There are enough women who match me who identify as feminists that I worry they might be scared away by anybody who identifies as a "gamer" after recent events. Besides, it's not really a hobby I'd need to share with a potential partner - I'd sooner they be into cinema or literature.

Thank! Most of the pictures I have are either when I'm performing or I'm drinking. I decided to include most of the former. And thanks! Most guys my age on okc are very accomplished. It's super intimidating when you're poor grad student about to graduate and no real jobs or prospects lined up. All their profiles are super witty too, talk about pressure!

I actually thought your profile was way better than most I see, though I'm in a different area/age range.

 

[Symphonia]

Here's a question: who lists gaming as one of their hobbies on their profile or, better yet, lists their favourite games in their "favourite ______" section?

I used to. I got bombarded with 'OMG I LOVE MARIO!!!' messages so I took it down. My profile is going through a revamp at the moment. I may add my favourite games back in.

 

[Arsenic Yellow]

Here's a question: who lists gaming as one of their hobbies on their profile or, better yet, lists their favourite games in their "favourite ______" section?

I decided to steer clear of it, ignoring the advice of a female friend. There are enough women who match me who identify as feminists that I worry they might be scared away by anybody who identifies as a "gamer" after recent events. Besides, it's not really a hobby I'd need to share with a potential partner - I'd sooner they be into cinema or literature.



I actually thought your profile was way better than most I see, though I'm in a different area/age range.

Thanks! Also I definitely shy away from guys that talk about gaming or use the the terms "geek" and "nerd". I don't really play games any more and am looking for someone who wouldn't mind occasionally playing something with me, but doesn't actually play often, as it's been a problem in past relationships of mine.

 

[Exploding8]

Here's a question: who lists gaming as one of their hobbies on their profile or, better yet, lists their favourite games in their "favourite ______" section?

I decided to steer clear of it, ignoring the advice of a female friend. There are enough women who match me who identify as feminists that I worry they might be scared away by anybody who identifies as a "gamer" after recent events. Besides, it's not really a hobby I'd need to share with a potential partner - I'd sooner they be into cinema or literature.



I actually thought your profile was way better than most I see, though I'm in a different area/age range.

I list my favorite games. I figure if that's a deal breaker for somebody then I probably shouldn't be dating them since its one of my favorite hobbies. I don't really mention it elsewhere in my profile though, and I definitely don't bring it up in messages, even if I notice gaming in their profile. I might mention it if they ask about my interests on a date but I don't really make a big deal of it.

 

[jimmypython]

Good idea! I know my pictures aren't the most flattering, I tend to shy away from pictures in general. Anyways here's my profile as an email link: http://www.okcupid.com/profile/orpimentpigment

the Asian guy just visited was me. your pictures are perfect to me. really dig your glasses and hair style - they match nicely

good luck!

 

[Exodist]

I list my favorite games. I figure if that's a deal breaker for somebody then I probably shouldn't be dating them since its one of my favorite hobbies. I don't really mention it elsewhere in my profile though, and I definitely don't bring it up in messages, even if I notice gaming in their profile. I might mention it if they ask about my interests on a date but I don't really make a big deal of it.

I more or less agree with this. I mention I love PC games on my profile and that's it, no list or anything but I do at least mention it. As you say if its a big part of what you like to do and so on then it's best to put it down. I never bring it up either unless they've specifically stated they enjoy games or whatever.

 

[Lone_Prodigy]

Gaming is more socially acceptable now, but there's still a stigma associated with it, and if you happen to look/act like a stereotypical gamer that just adds to it. Success of course will vary, but I find it can hurt a first impression.

I just put in my profile that I grew up playing Pong and Super Mario Bros. It doesn't make any assumptions about whether I still do it but at the same time it doesn't exclude me from any gaming discussion.

 

[davepoobond]

Gaming is more socially acceptable now, but there's still a stigma associated with it, and if you happen to look/act like a stereotypical gamer that just adds to it. Success of course will vary, but I find it can hurt a first impression.

every other profile i see says "i dont play games"

 

[DarkChronic]

Hoping to get a little bit of feedback on my OKCupid profile. Been messing around with it a bit. I posted in here previously about Tinder, but I wanted to give OKC a try again. I seem to have better luck here, but wondering if you guys have any advice to spruce up the profile:

Thanks!!

 

[Majine]

At that point, I just go for broke with "Hey, wanna go on a date?"

The key's not to dwell in the online realm too long, right?

I did it, it worked!

Literally shot in the dark here.

 

[MonorailCat]

Girl contacted ME first on Thursday and we had fun conversations all weekend, which SHE always started.
Asked her out to a coffee date today and I get "mhh, I dont think you are attractive enough to meet"

Thanks for being honest .. i guess?

 

[GrizzNKev]

Girl contacted ME first on Thursday and we had fun conversations all weekend, which SHE always started.
Asked her out to a coffee date today and I get "mhh, I dont think you are attractive enough to meet"

Thanks for being honest .. i guess?

What a fucking dick. You are seriously good looking, this makes no sense to me.

 

[scotcheggz]

Woke up to a message today. Then found out it was this:

Oh OkCupid, I've missed you!

 

[jwk94]

Haha.

Really, maybe it's mean of me to say, but I get pretty pissed falling for super close up selfies and angles caught just right to make oneself look a lot thinner than they are.

Some people are really good at giving a really deceptive idea of their bodies.

Yeah it's really stupid and deceptive. You can't do that and be pissed if someone is shocked by how you look when you meet u[.

 

[MonorailCat]

What a fucking dick. You are seriously good looking, this makes no sense to me.

I don't understand either. Competition must be insane right now in my area. Guess I save up some money for professional photos and retry in early summer.

 

[davepoobond]

I don't understand either. Competition must be insane right now in my area. Guess I save up some money for professional photos and retry in early summer.

Sounds like she's just fishing for attention and probably has a boyfriend already that ignores her because she is always thirsty for attention.

 

[Arsenic Yellow]

Woke up to a message today. Then found out it was this:

Oh OkCupid, I've missed you!

Oh man that was you visiting my profile last night??! Man, I wish you lived closer! You seem super awesome from your profile and your haircut is awesome!

 

[stn]

Girl contacted ME first on Thursday and we had fun conversations all weekend, which SHE always started.
Asked her out to a coffee date today and I get "mhh, I dont think you are attractive enough to meet"

Thanks for being honest .. i guess?

Care to share her profile? You got me curious now.

 

[scotcheggz]

Oh man that was you visiting my profile last night??! Man, I wish you lived closer! You seem super awesome from your profile and your haircut is awesome!

Ha yes, that was me stalking gaf... I thought exactly the same thing, your hair is really banging (that side part and glasses!) and you seem great I'm glad you thought so though, I'm always a bit suss at my profile, it stresses me out!

 

[War Peaceman]

Good idea! I know my pictures aren't the most flattering, I tend to shy away from pictures in general. Anyways here's my profile as an email link:

(I edited out your profile just in case)

Your profile's pretty good, (not because you are a 95% match). Got plenty of hooks for people to reply to. None of that wishy washy 'i like all genres except rap' or 'i like spending time with friends' rubbish.

Not sure if you are doing anything wrong, though from all your posts it really seems like you know exactly - in too specific detail - the type of person that you want to date. I think you are too specific in the particular interests that you look for, when you should only be specific about the type of person you want (more/less sociable for example). Obviously you have to filter but you really seem very picky. Also pay no attention to 'reply rate', it is irrelevant.

Just realised I may have not refreshed the page since I opened the tab, but I've typed it so I'll post.

 

[Arsenic Yellow]

(I edited out your profile just in case)

Your profile's pretty good, (not because you are a 95% match). Got plenty of hooks for people to reply to. None of that wishy washy 'i like all genres except rap' or 'i like spending time with friends' rubbish.

Not sure if you are doing anything wrong, though from all your posts it really seems like you know exactly - in too specific detail - the type of person that you want to date. I think you are too specific in the particular interests that you look for, when you should only be specific about the type of person you want (more/less sociable for example). Obviously you have to filter but you really seem very picky. Also pay no attention to 'reply rate', it is irrelevant.

Just realised I may have not refreshed the page since I opened the tab, but I've typed it so I'll post.

I was only being half serious. I am looking for someone in the arts, as what I'm looking for in dating is a possible collaboration partner as well as a life partner. I'd like them to be into film/horror and they have to have similar political (left) and religious (atheist) stances. Thats about it. I live in Boston so guys like that shouldn't be too hard to find!

 

[War Peaceman]

I was only being half serious. I am looking for someone in the arts, as what I'm looking for in dating is a possible collaboration partner as well as a life partner. I'd like them to be into film/horror and they have to have similar political (left) and religious (atheist) stances. Thats about it. I live in Boston so guys like that shouldn't be too hard to find!

I half figured you were joking, but you know in every joke there's a grain of truth and all that. From what I know of Boston that should be an easy find (in relative terms), but as someone else with very specific tastes, it doesn't always work that way and I'm not sure online is the best way for it...

 

[Lulubop]

Good idea! I know my pictures aren't the most flattering, I tend to shy away from pictures in general. Anyways here's my profile as an email link: http://www.okcupid.com/profile/orpimentpigment

Damn, only 68%.

Anyway, date on Vday went really well. First girl in a while who I'm really digging. That said I'm still talking to a few others.

Looking at my okc pics I realize they kinda suck. Still I can't complain about the attention I get but I should do better.

 

[MonorailCat]

Care to share her profile? You got me curious now.

It was a girl on Tinder.

 

[Salamando]

I'm starting to get way concerned that this girl who asked if I wanted to be "New Friends" wants to be more than friends...I like talking to her, but I'm just not attracted to her at all.

Suggestions? Are there keywords I should look for in texts? Should I restate my "just friends" intentions up front, avoid contacting her altogether, or keep hanging out with her whiile avoiding any of the touching or kissing things that signify "more than friends" interest?

To give you an idea of what's happening...in texts, she's called me handsome, given me a nickname because I apparently look a lot like a character on a show she likes (and he's not bad looking), and while I always say "hang out", she always says "go out"...among other stuff that I think comes across as flirty, but just might be from my general inexperience of having female friends...

 

[FStop7]

Got a message from a Tinder match last night, around 9... "I'm bored. Want to see 50 Shades at 10:30?" This was literally the first interaction I'd had with this person.

I don't know if I was in a bad mood or what, but starting a new conversation with "I'm bored" put me off quite a bit.

 

[Jhoan]

I have a date at my place tonight. She is planning on sleeping over. We are going to "watch" and movies and have ourselves some magic brownies. Shall be a good time.

A few days late but obligatory:

Thank! Most of the pictures I have are either when I'm performing or I'm drinking. I decided to include most of the former. And thanks! Most guys my age on okc are very accomplished. It's super intimidating when you're poor grad student about to graduate and no real jobs or prospects lined up. All their profiles are super witty too, talk about pressure!

Eh, I'm an unemployed aspiring Freelance Illustrator who hasn't gotten any gigs, sell stuff on eBay for extra cash, owes over $2000 in tuition, works at conventions/volunteers at events and live at home with my mother/brother but have my own room. That hasn't stopped me from going out with girls who have full time jobs and live with roommates. In the end of the day, we're all equal in that we're human, we all use the bathroom, and we have a limited amount of time on this planet regardless of socioeconomic status.

By the way, your profile is pretty solid and very meaty. I'm trying to go for artsy girls these days but they've been far and few save for at drawing events. If you're going to PAX East this year, hopefully I can make it to a meet up this year.

I'm starting to get way concerned that this girl who asked if I wanted to be "New Friends" wants to be more than friends...I like talking to her, but I'm just not attracted to her at all.

Suggestions? Are there keywords I should look for in texts? Should I restate my "just friends" intentions up front, avoid contacting her altogether, or keep hanging out with her whiile avoiding any of the touching or kissing things that signify "more than friends" interest?

To give you an idea of what's happening...in texts, she's called me handsome, given me a nickname because I apparently look a lot like a character on a show she likes (and he's not bad looking), and while I always say "hang out", she always says "go out"...among other stuff that I think comes across as flirty, but just might be from my general inexperience of having female friends...

Why you don't you let down easy and tell her you think she's a cool person but only like her strictly in a platonic way? Maybe tell her that she's like a sister to you. Hopefully she should get the hint then.

Got a message from a Tinder match last night, around 9... "I'm bored. Want to see 50 Shades at 10:30?" This was literally the first interaction I'd had with this person.

I don't know if I was in a bad mood or what, but starting a new conversation with "I'm bored" put me off quite a bit.

I'm not saying she wanted the D but she wanted the D man or a free movie ticket and no D. Usually girls send out messages like that out of the blue but if a guy doesn't respond, they quickly unmatch.

So a few quick updates from my end. I'm meeting up with a high school teacher who's my age and happens to go to my college for grad school for drinks later today (Tuesday). Texts have been pretty flirty and solid. I think we're gonna hit it off very well since she told me she likes my neighborhood/Dominican food and music and goes to a Planet Fitness like me as bonus.

Meeting up with a second girl on Friday evening at MoMA (the Museum of Modern Art since it's free on Fridays saving me money) who's Hispanic like me and goes to my brothers' alma mater for grad school. She's also been pretty cool to talk to as texts have been pretty meaty/light. We were supposed to meet up last week but I got busy with volunteer work and dropped off communication.

There's a third girl who I've been talking to about meeting up who's nerdy, straight edged, and looking for a long term relationship. She's a Freelance Illustrator like me and it turned out that she worked at New York Comic Con last year. However, when I suggested meeting up, she picked Nintendo World since she felt like a coffee shop is too much like a date.

Here's the kicker: she wants me to jump through her hoops and asked if I want chat by adding her on Facebook to make sure I'm real since she said she doesn't give out her number until after the first meet up. I haven't responded since then since I feel like it's a massive pain in the ass and don't really like adding girls I plan to go out with on Facebook because it feels like an afterthought. This is the first girl on Tinder that has been apprehensive about exchanging numbers whereas other girls have given me no trouble at all. It feels like she's never gone out with a guy from the internet before that she has stigmas about it. Is it worth going through so much trouble for this or should I keep it on Tinder and coordinate through there? There's a part of me that feels like sending her a facetious remark and unmatching her in all honesty. I can do without the childish motions of talking through Facebook.

 

[Arsenic Yellow]

A few days late but obligatory:

Eh, I'm an unemployed aspiring Freelance Illustrator who hasn't gotten any gigs, sell stuff on eBay for extra cash, owes over $2000 in tuition, works at conventions/volunteers at events and live at home with my mother/brother but have my own room. That hasn't stopped me from going out with girls who have full time jobs and live with roommates. In the end of the day, we're all equal in that we're human, we all use the bathroom, and we have a limited amount of time on this planet regardless of socioeconomic status.

By the way, your profile is pretty solid and very meaty. I'm trying to go for artsy girls these days but they've been far and few save for at drawing events. If you're going to PAX East this year, hopefully I can make it to a meet up this year.

Girl dont even start. After getting my degree (a two year masters) I'll be 40k in dept (just for that degree). No career prospects either. I've got an apartment at the moment, but in 4 months when I graduate, who knows where I'll be. And thanks about my profile <3. Hopefully we wil meet at pax We almost did, had you left that shitty bar you guys were sitting in forever friday night. It wouldve been different had you joined us Saturday or sunday night. I'm sure Andrew and I will end up planning this years venues. Every time a NYCer plans it, it turns into a disaster

 

[Lulubop]

I personally would not give my FB to someone I've yet to meet. I mean, who's to say you guys will even hit it off. Sure you can just unfriend, but you might have something on your profile that'll make her more apprehensive. It's all just more trouble than it's worth in my opinion.

To add to something else you said, I too still live at home and even though I got a 4 year degree I'm currently working a shitty retail job. It can be very intimidating meeting seemingly pretty accomplished people and I'm positive it's cost me from advancing with a few of them. Right now one of the girls I'm talking to lives with some roommates in a fat pad in the Financial District and every time I had over I'm think, "Man I needa get my shit together". Someday.

 

[Jhoan]

Girl dont even start. After getting my degree (a two year masters) I'll be 40k in dept (just for that degree). No career prospects either. I've got an apartment at the moment, but in 4 months when I graduate, who knows where I'll be. And thanks about my profile <3. Hopefully we wil meet at pax We almost did, had you left that shitty bar you guys were sitting in forever friday night. It wouldve been different had you joined us Saturday or sunday night. I'm sure Andrew and I will end up planning this years venues. Every time a NYCer plans it, it turns into a disaster

When in doubt, join the Peace Corps as a Plan B if nothing else works out. Being an artist is tough but definitely a doable career supplemented by a day job.

I was thinking about making a pre-hype thread as I did last year and letting one of you Bostonians make the proper thread. Working is gonna have me be all over the place again but I should have time to make it to one; been itching to get some good pho. Hopefully Mully doesn't get super drunk again this year that it'll cause me to worry about him. Still kick myself over obliviously passing by Harpoon without walking in but c'est la vie. Hahaha, can't say I blame you guys; I wouldn't dare organize something in a city I barely know. I'm gonna be staying at the Omni Parker House again this year until Monday.

I personally would not give my FB to someone I've yet to meet. I mean, who's to say you guys will even hit it off. Sure you can just unfriend, but you might have something on your profile that'll make her more apprehensive. It's all just more trouble than it's worth in my opinion.

To add to something else you said, I too still live at home and even though I got a 4 year degree I'm currently working a shitty retail job. It can be very intimidating meeting seemingly pretty accomplished people and I'm positive it's cost me from advancing with a few of them. Right now one of the girls I'm talking to lives with some roommates in a fat pad in the Financial District and every time I had over I'm think, "Man I needa get my shit together". Someday.

I think you're right; there's something about the idea of a stranger combing through my profile that I find a bit repulsive. Especially a girl who's looking for a serious relationship and wants to screen potential suitors. She likes playing games? Fight fire with fire and don't jump through her hoops.

My eldest brother has a 4 year degree in Economics and has been working at Starbucks for 3 years years next month. The struggle is real man. The reality is that either way, living in the city is tough especially with the MTA increasing the Metrocard prices next month. There's a good a share of people who live in the city with their parents. I think girls should be accepting enough that while a guy may not have his stuff together, they should be understanding and see it from an economical perspective since it takes time and money to be able to move out; it doesn't happen overnight. That girl's rent must be cheap if it's divided by 4-5 roommates. A lot of the city jobs aren't really paying that well to be able to make a decent sustainable income out of it so it's either get an office job, work at a start up for next to nothing in hopes of eventually getting a salaried job once it gets investors, or the wonderful world of retail but I digress.

 

[thomas_mutton]

So I am pretty new to this whole thing, and was hoping maybe to get some pointers as to how to best go about this.


Quote to reveal link to OKCupid page which is currently a shambling work in progress. I find presenting myself in an interesting and coherent way to be really hard. And so many people there seems to be so out-doors-y traveling philosophical explorer types or something.

A few questions:
-Does the liking thing actually mean anything in practice. As it shows way more likes than visitors I guess it is pretty meaningless in general, or at least people have to be doing the rating based on profile pic only?
-So in your experience what is the best way of finding compatible people to contact? Browse match/quick match/searches or just general browsing. Is the matching only done on the basis on those pop-quiz things you answer?
-I am currently trying to reply to everyone who messages me, as I don't want to judge people just of their pics/short synopsis. But I am wondering if it is a person you are not initially attracted to, is it better to just not reply, rather than having them invest time in a conversation that could quite likely be going nowhere?
I am also having issues responding to the messages that just go something like: "Hi" or "sexy" or "ur cute". Do those ever really lead to good conversations?

A lot of this has probably been covered previously, but any tips would be more than welcome.

 

[Symphonia]

Who would've thought questioning a girl about UKIP would result in a date? Score.

 

[Salamando]

A few questions:
-Does the liking thing actually mean anything in practice. As it shows way more likes than visitors I guess it is pretty meaningless in general, or at least people have to be doing the rating based on profile pic only?
-So in your experience what is the best way of finding compatible people to contact? Browse match/quick match/searches or just general browsing. Is the matching only done on the basis on those pop-quiz things you answer?
-I am currently trying to reply to everyone who messages me, as I don't want to judge people just of their pics/short synopsis. But I am wondering if it is a person you are not initially attracted to, is it better to just not reply, rather than having them invest time in a conversation that could quite likely be going nowhere?
I am also having issues responding to the messages that just go something like: "Hi" or "sexy" or "ur cute". Do those ever really lead to good conversations?

- Likes from a guy aren't worth much. Most likely was based just off your pic. Likes from a girl on the other hand are worth much more. Good way to show your interest in a guy while kind of allowing him to make the first move. Since the liking system isn't mandatory, it's use has been hit or miss for me. As a guy, I signed up for A-List so I can see who likes me...I can get a ~70% return message rate through the like system vs ~15% by cold-messaging.

- Answer a lot of questions. 100 minimum. Be honest, and use the Importance scale. In a perfect system, both sides would be perfectly honest and answer how they truly feel. In reality, that's why we allow for a lot of wiggle room. This determines match percentage, and generally anything over 70% is fair game. That gives you a starting point. You then just browse through profiles...if you like their pics, if you like what they wrote, you send them a message.

- If you try to message everyone, you'll go mad. A lot of guys try the "spray and pray" approach - fire off as many messages as possible, and hope one hits. They didn't read your profile and they might not've even looked at your pics. If they didn't spend too much time on a message, why should you? And if you're not attracted to a person, there's no problem just ignoring them. If you have no intention of dating someone, don't waste their (and your) time.

 

[DutchNeon]

Haha what is this on OkCupid with me sending messages followed by people deleting their accounts.

Finally dared to send a convo starting message to two girls who seemed fun to chat with. Both visited my profile after they received the message. Later on I wondered why they didn't respond so I checked their accounts to see if they were online. Found out both deleted their account.

Lol what?

 

[Rest]

Does OkCupid have a filter for girls to not see messages under 50 characters? I can easily imagine that a lot of my messages just get lost in the avalanche of useless messages; I put myself in a girl's place, thinking about not logging in for a week or so, and coming back to a couple dozen messages, I wouldn't even want to look at them.

It'd be nice if they had some idea of who put some thought and effort into a message.

 

[Jhoan]

Summary of the meet up from my post in the Dating-Age thread: it ended up being a bust. She got there late, kept probing too much into my career goals, and texted her brother mid conversation to the point where she stepped away to cut me off and talk to him on the phone. She cut it short within half an hour after she got there to go meet up with the said brother. Too many red flags, nice looking girl but I felt no chemistry. Won't be contacting her again.

As for the nerdy girl, I followed my gut and unmatched her. I'm not a fan of immature girls who try to make guys play by their rules. Either get to the point or don't waste people's time. Nerdy girls seem to fall into that category from my experience. I have a feeling that if I choose to go to this month's drawing event that we have in common, I'm probably gonna end up seeing her there but no worries.

 

[Salamando]

Went out with a girl (one that I'm not trying to friendzone) last night...downright magical! And she texts me today "I've been thinking about how fun yesterday was!" I surprised even myself with how much confidence and "game" I had!

Feeling too high in the clouds...gotta make sure I don't fall too hard...

 

[beat]

I downloaded the app "Happn", which is basically "Tinder but also with Streetpass". I dunno, we'll see.

 

[Arsenic Yellow]

Just got back from my first date. It was pricey (took an Uber at 2.7xs rate), so I spent a fourth of my monthly food budget, but it was so worth it. Best first date I've ever been on. Never met someone I had so much in common with personality wise (not necessarily interest wise, though he passed my three main requirements, art, drinking and horror movies ). Our moms even have the same cancer! He asked me when he could see me again (despite already arranging a meetup for this weekend). Was totally worth it! I mentioned he was the first okcupid date I've had in 4 years and he said the same, saying his last one was 2 years ago right when he moved into the city and was awful. Gotta figure out if I can plan an extra date before this weekend, though I'm pretty packed.

Edit: Ended the night with a series of kisses that clearly didn't want to end, but the Uber ride cut us short. Nothing deep, but they felt pretty intense. I'm considering suggesting going to a jazz bar we had talked about last night.

 

[User 479360]

Just got back from my first date. It was pricey (took an Uber at 2.7xs rate), so I spent a fourth of my monthly food budget, but it was so worth it. Best first date I've ever been on. Never met someone I had so much in common with personality wise (not necessarily interest wise, though he passed my three main requirements, art, drinking and horror movies ). Our moms even have the same cancer! He asked me when he could see me again (despite already arranging a meetup for this weekend). Was totally worth it! I mentioned he was the first okcupid date I've had in 4 years and he said the same, saying his last one was 2 years ago right when he moved into the city and was awful. Gotta figure out if I can plan an extra date before this weekend, though I'm pretty packed.

Sorry to hear about your mom's illness. I know the pain all too well.

When I'm bored or out, I find that I'm constantly changing search parameters slightly on Tinder, so that new profiles will appear. I enjoy swiping, I guess, and swipe right most of the time.

I'm not an incredibly picky person when it comes to looks, but there are archetypes that I'm more attracted to than others (ie. girls with black hair, gothic girls, smart women, etc.) Hopefully some will also like me back.

A couple have so far, and I've been talking to one, but she goes to school almost 3 hours away and the conversation has kind of stalled. I just messaged one that liked me while I was sleeping.

Still talking to the other girl, too. We've been texting for over a week, so here's hoping.

 

[Rei_Toei]

Tinder keeps surprising me. I've had fantastic chat sessions with a couple of girls over the last couple of months that moved from Tinder to Whatsapp to meeting up, but most of them were pleasant enough but just not a romantic match. Then there were two were I was really into the girl but they shot it down. First time this happened I was feeling rather dejected since there was such a great build-up and the date itself was really nice too. Over the last couple of weeks I connected with a girl and started chatting but it was a bit... monotone, for lack of a better word. Compared to earlier conversations it was a bit dull, it didn't really go anywhere. She came across as a bit shy. Still, she looked great, we shared some interests, and I was in a what the hell, what gives mode. Last week I was near her city so I suggested meeting up for a beer somewhere in the city. And whaddayaknow, had a great time, chatted for hours, had to cut it off so I could get my last train home. Massive difference in how she comes across in real life compared to texting, in a good way. Didn't really see it coming but kissed on the train platform. Smiling like an idiot all the way home Meeting up this friday for a second date. Pretty stoked!